


A Little Something More

by rollyjodger



Series: A Little Something [2]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Age Play, Dom/sub, F/F, Lactation, Lactation Kink, Lesbian Character, Lesbian Sex, Little, Little Space, MD/LG, Mommy Kink, Mystery, Non-Sexual Age Play, Nursing Kink, Praise Kink, Sub Emma, Sub Emma Swan, bottles, domme regina, mdlg, sexual age play
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-25
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:49:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 33
Words: 265,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24372316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rollyjodger/pseuds/rollyjodger
Summary: ***WARNING: THIS IS AN AGE PLAY FIC. If that isn't your thing, please don't read. If you don't know what Age Play is, I suggest you look it up before continuing.***Well after the calendared “honeymoon phase”, Regina and Emma are still going strong. Their lives have changed dramatically from the time that Regina found Emma at The Dungeon, and she couldn’t be happier about it. However, their lives are about to change even more when they get a strange visitor, and a case that will throw both Emma and Regina deep down a dark path that will test the strength of their relationship and the family they have built around them.
Relationships: Evil Queen | Regina Mills/Emma Swan
Series: A Little Something [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1764136
Comments: 1138
Kudos: 969





	1. First Snow

**Author's Note:**

> This is a sequel. If you start reading this without reading A Little Something New, you are going to be very, very lost. So go back [ here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24379936/chapters/58802467) and read it.

Muted, silvery light came through the window, softly covering two sleeping faces as the sun tried to beam through the clouds. But that was no use. In a matter of a few hours in the night, Boston had frozen over, packing the streets in mounds of frozen powder. The gun gray sky could do nothing but encourage it to stay right where it lay, the light too dim to wake anyone, and it wasn’t until the shrieking of the alarm clock that the two women were roused from their sleep.

Packed snuggly underneath a thick down comforter, Regina Mills held Emma to her as they slept. Tucked up into Regina’s arms, Emma Swan gave a soft whine as she felt the one holding her groan and take her arms away from their embrace. Emma could feel the chilly air around them, and to have their warm cocoon interrupted by the siren of the alarm clock made her grumble in her sleep. Groaning, Regina threw her arm over the bedside table and fumbled with the alarm. As she did, she turned towards the large window that substituted one of the walls in their bedroom that looked down to the harbor, parks, and the Fort Point neighborhood. The softness of the sky’s light allowed Regina to open her eyes without wincing, and as she looked out, a smile spread on her face.

She managed to turn the alarm off, and rolled back over, stuffing her arm back under the blankets and wrapping it around her partner, who scooted back in appreciatively and rested her head on Regina’s chest. Regina’s hand came up to cradle Emma’s head, a gesture that was more of a reflex at this point in their lives. If Emma moved to be held, Regina moved with her, answering the request. She inhaled the scent of Emma’s wheat-colored hair, and let her eyes close one more time. Kissing the top of Emma’s head, she whispered softly against her skin, “Guess what?”

“Hm?” Emma grumbled, the tone in her sleepy voice upturning in question.

Instead of answering with words, Regina hummed to the melody of “Let It Snow”, and as she suspected, Emma shot up out of bed like a cannon. Sleepiness completely forgotten, Emma’s eyes were wide awake as she wrestled with the blankets and rocketed towards the walled window. Regina chuckled as she sat up, watching Emma press against the glass and look out. “Yay!” she cried happily, and Regina heard the sure signs of an adult Emma in her Little excitement. “Finally!” she squealed.

“Finally,” Regina nodded in agreement, throwing her feet over the bed and getting up to go to the bathroom. When she came back into the room, Emma was still standing at the window, but her expression was noticeably more subdued. Regina laughed when she saw her. “What’s with that look? You’ve been waiting for it to snow for weeks.”

Emma sucked her cheeks into her mouth and bit down on them once before letting them go, her brows coming down to brood. “Yeah, but…I wanted the first snow on the weekend. Now I have to go to work.”

Rolling her eyes and coming into Emma’s space, Regina put her arms around Emma’s waist and drew her in. She saw Emma’s brow unfurl at being held, and a little grin turned on the corner of her mouth as she allowed Regina to sway her side to side and give her a quick kiss on the lips. “Live and learn. Next year, you’re just going to have to be more specific with your wishes to the weatherman.”

It was Emma’s turn to roll her eyes, and she looked down sheepishly as she was mocked.

“And before you even suggest it,” Regina added as she chucked Emma under the chin and led her towards the bathroom, “Both of us have to be in the office today. I have court, and you have a meeting with a client.”

As she let go to continue getting ready, she saw Emma’s shoulders slump in defeat. Regina chuckled as she began making the bed. “Don’t worry,” she called. “We can have some fun at the park tonight if you want. You can even call Anna.”

“Can’t,” Emma called back. “She and Elsa are still out of town.”

The new year had just passed by, and their friends had made a trip to New York to visit family. While they had been gone, Emma hadn’t even wanted to make an appearance at The Dungeon as they usually did every couple of weeks. Anna was Emma’s Little right-hand-man. Or, to be more accurate, Anna was Emma’s mouth and ears while Playing at The Dungeon. Despite Emma enjoying the club, it was still an overwhelming environment for her, especially when she was in her Littlespace. Anna, who was Emma’s extroverted opposite, played the perfect buffer for that scene. However, Regina had been adamant-Emma had other friends that enjoyed her company, like Tilly and Will, and she shouldn’t base her decisions about going on Anna’s attendance. Still, Anna’s absence was noticed, and Emma was waiting anxiously for her return.

“Maybe Tilly then,” Regina mused as she went around the large crib at the foot of the bed to make the other side. The second bedroom in the penthouse apartment had been Regina’s office until last summer, when Regina and Emma had converted it into Emma’s playroom. While Regina’s desk had been moved to the corner of the living room, Emma’s desk remained in the playroom so she could work from home and also be in the midst of a soothing environment. Now the second bedroom was clad in bright colors, toy musical instruments, cars, Paw Patrol toys, Disney plushies, and a million children’s books, crayons, and coloring pages.

However, the crib that Regina had found to fit Emma’s adult frame hadn’t gone over so well when she put it on the opposite wall of Emma’s desk. Emma had stared at it, sucked her cheeks between her teeth, and fidgeting with her fingers, as she so often did when nervous. Sure enough, the first time Regina had put Emma down for a nap, she screamed as if she were going to be murdered if left there alone. Emma did not want to sleep outside of her and Regina’s bed, and that suited Regina just fine. But she did think that the times Emma was regressed, as infrequent as that was these days, Emma needed her own place to sleep. So they had compromised; the crib stayed, but it lived in their bedroom.

As Regina stripped out of her pajamas, she heard the telltale sign of Emma starting to brush her teeth. “Hey!” she called. “After you nurse!” Regina was sometimes amazed at the selective memory her girlfriend had. Emma never had to be told to do the laundry. She never needed reminding to wash the dishes, or take out the trash. She even went above and beyond many times with taking Regina’s car to be washed or bringing her lunch at the office. She was meticulous about her crayons, colored pencils, and books. But there were certain things that no matter how many times Regina told her, Emma never remembered. Emma brushing her teeth before she nursed in the morning was one of those things, along with turning the volume up on her cartoons so loud that the walls nearly rattled.

“Kay!” Emma called jovially, as if this conversation hadn’t happened a million times before.

As she heard Emma’s response, her body seemed to know what the discussion was about. Regina felt the heaviness in her breasts drop further, and she sighed with a little smile as she wrapped a belt around her slacks. Emma padded into the walk-in closet, and started rifling through her not-as-organized side to find clothes for the day. She was going to pick out a pair of jeans that had rips in the knees, when Regina tutted. She approached Emma and took them out of Emma’s hands gently. “You’re going to meet a client for the first time, Em.”

“You love these jeans!” Emma argued.

Regina had to swallow the bit of flush that came over her at the image of Emma wearing those jeans. They fit around her perfectly, showing off Emma’s butt, wrapping around her hips just so, giving her that bit of edge at the ripped knees that just made Regina weak to think about. That didn’t mean they were appropriate for Emma to wear to meet a client. She gave Emma a lopsided smirk, and found a pair of black Dickies for her to wear instead. Emma huffed as she slid them up her legs. “It’s just another rich lady wanting me to spy on her husband again. I doubt she’ll even be paying attention to what I’m wearing.”

Regina didn’t reply. Since Emma had started her own private investigating business, she had been doing very well. The hours were about the same, but Emma had even more autonomy than she had before. She had two great partners backing her up now instead of just one, and the work was more enjoyable. Instead of catching people who would rather abandon their family than spend a well-earned month in jail, Emma was tracking down long-lost family members, retracing old heirlooms, helping small businesses get stolen items back, and had even helped find a missing child during the summer. There was also less financial stress on her since she wasn’t fronting so much money to those who skipped out on her bail, which meant less stress for Emma in general.

Less stress, in Emma’s case, was a very, very good thing. The change in atmosphere had seemed to leave Emma in a better place, and Emma in a better place mentally had a huge effect on her.

In the past six months, she’d only had a single flashback: those chilling screams of terror in the night that Regina could hardly snap her out of, watching helplessly as Emma went blue with loss of breath and her eyes went black and unseeing. She regressed less frequently as well, and usually it happened with lack of sleep or if she wasn’t feeling well. Every few weeks or so, Regina woke to her baby, a regressed three-year-old version of her partner who was convinced that the woman she lived with was her real mother. And why correct her? Baby Emma was a happy child, surrounded by a loving family that all pitched in to support her. As unconventional as her life was, what did a three-year-old know of that? The memories of being in the foster system seemed to be just that: distant memories that barely came into Baby Emma’s mind, save for the small references to little things she’d be reminded of in their day-to-day activities.

So yes, life could get stressful, as that was just what life was. But for the most part, Emma and Regina lived a quiet existence, and that was exactly what Emma needed to keep her PTSD in check. Regina was so proud of her. She’d come such a long way from that first night over a year ago when she’d had her first flashback. It had been a long road, but they’d come very far, they had found ways to cope with Emma’s regressions, they had found a routine that worked for them.

Baby Emma didn’t stay long. Emma would wake up regressed, and spend mornings or afternoons in her toddler mind, a mental moment in time captured in her brain, and would be gone the next time she woke. Emma, back in her “normal” state, as she liked to call it, would have no recollection of the event. But when she was around, Regina felt like the entire world had tunneled around them. All that mattered, all she had room in her heart and mind for, was seeing that bright smiling face looking up at her. Regina had been asked many times how she separated the different feelings she felt for Emma, but she always had the same answer to those who asked: “if it was your soulmate, you wouldn’t ask yourself that.” Because separation wasn’t the right word. All you ever want for the one you love is for their happiness, their safety. Those things simply changed a bit depending on what frame of mind Emma was in, but no matter what, it was always Regina’s first instinct to fulfill those desires. So when she had a toddler in a grown up body bouncing around her house, holding her hand, talking in that sweet little voice, all she could think was, _I want her happy. I want her safe, I want her to be free._

For Emma’s part, she had been finding her own ways to cope with the regressions. They frustrated her; she couldn’t control when they happened, and she didn’t like not remembering big chucks of her day. They made her nervous, because it had happened when she was out in the field, and even though they had put in several safety measures, it was always a worry that Emma would regress without anyone around.

Along with that anxiety, was Emma’s overall unease at the fuss of it all. When all of her friends, including her two business partners, had to always be at the ready to watch out for her, it made Emma feel very uncomfortable. She didn’t like being the center of attention. She was getting better, Regina was noting. Despite her Foster Child Syndrome of never being in anyone’s thoughts, Emma was learning to accept that sometimes, it was okay to let others help her. She was great with asking Regina; because of how they had first built their relationship, Emma was more than comfortable allowing Regina to take care of her and help her in any way possible. But with her friends that for years she had pulled off her carefree, tough-girl act, that was easier said than done.

Despite all of that, Emma was finding ways to cope. She’d leave herself videos, a woman who Baby Emma was told was “You From The Future” …little kids didn’t need so much convincing of magical things like that. She’d keep in good sight of her partners when she was feeling off, and had learned to not be so argumentative. Even Baby Emma had learned that August was the boss until Mama “got back”.

Emma was about to put on her sneakers when Regina wordlessly took them out of her hands, and replaced them with her snow boots. She winked and walked out of the closet, Emma calling after her: “I’d be lost without you!”

“Put them by the front door and grab Pankie, please,” Regina replied as she left without picking out her shirt. There wasn’t any point in dressing herself further than her pants when she needed to nurse Emma. Normally, they wouldn’t even get out of bed until it was done, but Emma’s excitement over the arrival of the year’s first snow had thrown off their routine.

She threw a longing glance at the kitchen down the hallway where the coffee maker awaited, but reminded herself that it was Thursday. Every Tuesday and Thursday morning were spent getting coffee with her sister Zelena and Emma’s best friend Ruby. Now that the four of them lived in the same neighborhood, they could see much more of each other.

Having Zelena back home from New York had proven to be the missing puzzle piece that Regina needed put back to make her life whole. Her unfiltered, eccentric older sister was a huge pain in the ass, they never stopped bickering, and there was a tendency for Zelena to annoyingly call Regina out on things. But Regina would be lying if she said that Zelena wasn’t her rock. She was that and more, and had proven that over and over during Emma’s health problems, and Regina’s road of recovering her relationship with her own mother and father. It wasn’t easy to forgive them both for what had happened all those years ago. She was still working on it, but she had come a long way. And she doubted any of that would have happened if Zelena hadn’t been there to kick her ass into gear.

And Emma loved her. Zelena had taken Emma under her wing instantly, and the two shared a connection that seemed more natural than real blood family. She tended to spoil Emma and encourage Emma to bend the rules Regina had put in place, but deep down, that just made Regina happy they loved one another outside of Emma’s relationship with Regina. Somebody had once told her that you didn’t just have a soul mate, you had a soul family; people in your life that you connected with on a deep level. Zelena was part of Emma’s soul family; their bond was profound.

Looking at the clock, she saw they had an hour before going to meet her sister and Ruby. It seemed like more time than it was once Emma was done nursing. Regina sat on the large reclining chair they had bought together and put in front of the windows of their bedroom. When Emma had picked it out, Regina had laughed at the idea of even considering buying it. It was a horrible brown color with corduroy fabric that looked like it belonged in the middle of a swamp. To make matters worse, it was enormous. But Emma had thrown a fit until Regina had given in, and she had to admit, it had grown on her. It was large enough to fit the both of them, it was so comfortable that they had both fallen asleep in it numerous times, and it had become their favorite place to sit together and cuddle or nurse. They could look out at the water or just enjoy the sunrise. It was perfect.

Regina was about to call Emma to hurry, when she distantly heard Emma’s snow boots clunk down on the entryway floor. Emma came into view a few moments later, and the physical reaction Regina had as she approached was palpable. Her body was so in tuned with its physical need for Emma that she felt her chest give a little relief of the aching pressure at the mere sight of her. Emma’s blankie, a medium sized baby blanket with a stuffed puppy head sewn in the middle was clutched in her hand as she came towards Regina. It had seen better days. She’d stitched up two rips that past Summer, but when offering to get Emma a new blankie, the reaction had been swift and ear-splitting.

Regina put her arms out, and Emma sank down beside her, scooting down so that her head was resting in the bend of Regina’s arm, propped up by a throw pillow against the arm of the chair. Her puppy blankie, christened Pankie, was bunched up in between their bodies, and Regina gently maneuvered it to hang off of her shoulder, offering the dangling corner to Emma’s waiting hand. Emma clutched it and then rested her Pankie-tangled fingers on the mound of Regina’s breast, giving a gentle kneed to encourage the flow of milk as she wrapped her lips around Regina’s breast.

The hot feeling of Emma’s tongue against her nipple caused Regina to let out a sigh at the sensation it caused in her core, and as Emma gave the first suck, the release of pressure intensified it. This was the moment Regina dreamed about all day as she sorted through her paperwork, helped clients, went to court: that first feeling of Emma’s soft mouth against her, the relief in her chest she felt deep in her tissue, and their two bodies molded together as if they were one. Regina closed her eyes and tightened her hold on Emma, causing Emma’s crown to be tucked under her chin. She kissed the top of Emma’s hair and let out a sigh of relief. She was answered by Emma’s body curling in closer, her hand covering the mound of Regina’s breast with a tender rub, and a content groan that vibrated around her areola.

“Did you have good dreams, baby?” she whispered against Emma’s hair. A tiny nod answered her, and Regina smiled to herself as the tug on her milk continued. A little lap of Emma’s tongue made her moan against the hair tucked under her chin, and she began rocking them gently as Emma continued to nurse. As a piece of her wished for it to be a weekend morning where she didn’t have to rush these types of moments, Regina brought the hand that had been resting in Emma’s lap down and rubbed at the rump of Emma’s bottom as Emma curled in closer. “Don’t worry about the snow,” she said in a soft voice. “It’s not going anywhere.”

Getting Emma to perk back up to get ready for the day was always a challenge if they nursed later in the morning. Typically, Regina could nurse her in bed and then allow her to snooze for another fifteen minutes or so before getting Emma up. Today, however, Emma needed to be quick on her feet the moment she was done with the second breast, and she was a little less enthusiastic about getting ready for her day than she had been previously. It didn’t matter what mindset Emma was in before they started nursing; once she started, she began to shift, if even just a bit. But she managed to get Emma to finish her hair and makeup, and bundled her up to match the weather outside.

Boston had been bitterly cold for weeks now, but the snow just hadn’t come. Its arrival would take away the bite that had been hanging in the air like an invisible icicle always piercing at their faces. Much like the pressure in her chest when she needed to nurse, the temperature would finally get some relief now. Still, she made sure Emma had on her heavier sweater, and buttoned up her coat. She pulled the beanie over Emma’s head and made sure it covered her ears while Emma made a chore of cladding her hands in thick gloves.

“I think I’m a good enough human marshmallow now,” Emma grinned, but she sniffled once, and Regina could have sworn she detected a hint of a nasal sound to her voice that wasn’t normal. As she finished tucking a lock of Emma’s hair behind her ear, she brought the back of her hand to one of Emma’s cheeks. It felt just slightly warm, but Emma grinned and shrugged her off. “Let’s go. I’m dying for some caffeine,” she turned to the door, all the presence of her Little headspace gone as she started to get into their day. Narrowing her eyes, Regina gave Emma a swift playful swat on the butt as she went to grab her own gloves, and they were out the door.

***

“Fucking Christ!” Zelena balked as the door to the café opened to revealed her and Ruby coming in (ten minutes late, of course) and she jumped up and down to let cakes of snow fall off her clothes.

“Zee, come on!” Margot cried from behind the counter. Her brows shot up over her large framed glasses as she gestured to the mess Zelena was making all over her entrance.

Margot and Tilly had been managing Boston Coffee Party for just under five months at that point. Tilly had been such a great Little friend to Emma that she and her girlfriend/Caregiver Margot had become close with Emma and Regina. Regina had known Margot casually in The Scene for a while, but both of them having Littles of their own had brought them closer into each other’s circle.

The old café had been in the Fort Point neighborhood for as long as Regina could remember, but the previous owner retired and had put it on the market. Margot had seen the opportunity, but she and Tilly had been scraping by for years; a young couple with a tiny apartment by the college and barely any money packed away for “a rainy day”. However, it finally came in handy when Regina offered to find them decent investors. It was easier for her in her circle of white collar business associates to find someone, and before they all knew it, Margot and Tilly had found themselves the owners of Boston Coffee Party.

It worked for them, and Margot enjoyed being able to keep an eye on Tilly as they worked together. Tilly was pretty well known for having her head in the clouds. She didn’t hold down jobs very well, as none of her employers had the time or patience to deal with her eccentricities. She wasn’t good at keeping her mind on tasks, but worked wonders in customer service. So Margot kept her in the front, where she memorized everybody’s name and their favorite brew while Margot handled the books.

“It’s not my fault!” Zelena huffed in defense as the snow continued to make a mess at the entrance. “Damn powder is sticking to me like glue.”

“No,” Margot pointed to Zelena’s feet. “It’s falling off of you and all over my floor!”

“Got it!” Tilly came up out of nowhere, holding a mop and a “Wet Floor” sign, and moving around Zelena and Ruby as they came in and hung their coats on the rack by the door.

“Thank you,” Zelena said in a voice she usually used with Emma, and leaned over to peck Tilly on the cheek. As she did, she gave Margot a playful stink eye and mumbled, “there’s some good customer service for you,” before she made her way to where Regina and Emma were sitting.

“You know she wouldn’t have a problem banning you, right?” Regina grinned as Zelena and Ruby sat down. Empty mugs were placed in front of them as Tilly followed soon after. She bounced back and twittered that she would be bringing them their coffee “in a jiffy”.

“She loves me,” Zelena said loudly as she turned to Margot. They stuck their tongues out at each other, and Margot went back to filling a large coffee machine as Zelena started taking off her gloves.

Ruby tore off a large chunk of Emma’s bear claw and stuffed it in her mouth.

“Hey!” as Emma squealed and made to cover her plate, several customers turned to stare at the table making so much noise, and Regina placed her hand on Emma’s lap. She squeezed lightly to get her attention.

Emma looked at her sideways, and Regina raised her brows and gave a soft shush. She saw Emma instantly lower her head and shoulders in submission and pout quietly as she glowered at Ruby. But Ruby seemed to be the one who lost as she nearly choked on the giant bite she took. Tilly came up to fill their mugs with the latest brewed coffee and noticed Ruby nearly choking. “Ah, sorry Miss Ruby,” Tilly addressed Ruby formally in true Domme/sub fashion. “Margot says I put too much sugar in them this morning.” She looked down sheepishly, her cheeks reddening at the admission that she had messed up yet another batch of donuts.

Emma scoffed and took a large bite. “No such thing,” she said with a full mouth. “Wanna go sledding with me on Saturday, Tee?” she said as she swallowed.

“Can’t,” Tilly sighed, her voice noticeably subdued. “Margot says we need some extra help here before I can take any more weekends off.”

“But it finally snowed!” Emma yelped incredulously, looking at her friend with pleading eyes. Regina wished she hadn’t pushed. It was clear Tilly would like nothing more than to let go and play in the snow with Emma, but simply wasn’t able to get away. Her face fell even more when Emma said it.

“Emma,” Regina began, but was cut off by Ruby.

“You need help this weekend, Margot?” she called.

Margot looked up from her spot at the counter, and raised her eyebrows at Ruby. “You free?”

Ruby had been a waitress for years at a local diner, and when Margot had offered her a job earlier that summer, Ruby said she simply couldn’t take the pay cut without tips. But every now and then, Margot would pay her under the table if the help was really needed.

Regina remembered back when Ruby and Margot had a romantic fling one year before Tilly came into the picture. However, Margot found out that she wasn’t very fond of being dominated, and once Ruby recognized that Margot might want to do some dominating of her own, the two had become fast friends, and looked out for one another in The Scene. The arrival of Tilly in Margot’s life had sealed the deal: she was a taken woman, and completely devoted to looking out for Tilly, who thrived under the structure.

“You swamped?” Ruby countered.

“Jesus, yes!” Margot physically slumped at the admission. Regina grinned. As taxing as owning a coffee shop must have been, the fact that Margot and Tilly had more work than the two of them could handle was a good thing. Her friends were doing alright.

“I’ve got a night shift on Saturday. I’ll come by in the morning.”

“Now can you come?” Emma looked up at Tilly hopefully, and Regina squeezed Emma’s thigh.

“Why don’t you offer to help too,” Regina said kindly in a whisper to Emma. “And then Tilly can get done earlier, and then the two of you will have longer to play?”

Emma first gave Regina an incredulous eye, but once she saw the hopeful look on Tilly’s face, Emma softened. “Yeah, I can do barista for a few hours.”

“Yay!” Tilly squealed, and hopped from foot to foot for a moment before leaning down and giving Emma a hug and then running behind the counter to tell Margot the good news.

Regina’s smile faded slightly at the scene when Emma sneezed and took a moment to recover. Touching Emma’s cheek with the back of her fingers, she pressed her lips together worriedly as Emma turned away. That told Regina everything she needed to know: Emma wasn’t feeling good, and she was trying to hide it.

Despite her new career demanding more hours under a roof than before, Emma still spent plenty of time outside on stakeouts or picking up clues and talking to witnesses. And while she was at it, Emma wasn’t the best at taking care of her most basic needs. She pushed herself to the limit. It meant she was good at what she did, had plenty of clientele and had built a good reputation, but also that she burned herself at both ends of the candle. Emma had grown up without a single person looking after her best interest, and although those tides had shifted in her adulthood, old habits had died hard, and Emma was still prone to follow the example she was given in her formative years. She had a lot of work to do that day; she didn’t want Regina telling her to slow down.

Zelena caught Regina’s eye, and she could see that her sister had picked up on the worry brewing on her face. “You got court today, Bun?” Zelena said as she sipped her coffee. Regina caught the insinuation: if anything happened with Emma and Regina was unavailable because she was in court, Zelena would keep her phone on her in case August called.

She nodded silently, and Zelena mimicked the gesture. Then Zelena’s eyes fell on Ruby, and she grinned as she brought a hand up to wipe some left over bear claw frosting from the corner of Ruby’s mouth. Ruby made an audible protest and gave Zelena a spiteful eye. “You know I hate it when you do that,” she remarked.

Zelena just rolled her eyes. “Fine. Walk around with frosting on your face all day,” she countered nonchalantly, sipping her coffee again.

Regina had to hide her smirk behind her mug. This was a normal exchange between the two roommates. Ruby and Zelena had been living together for almost a year now, and while barely knowing each other beforehand, had been thick as thieves since. The problem was that while Ruby was used to being the dominant party in any relationship, romantic or otherwise, Zelena was her own force to be reckoned with. They bickered nearly as badly as Emma and August did.

Said August came walking through the door, dressed in the same year-round clothes despite the weather: torn jeans and his brown leather motorcycle jacket and boots. As he nodded hello to Margot and Tilly at the counter, Emma looked up and pointed at him. “How come he gets to wear torn jeans!?” she looked at Regina with pouting lips, and Regina rolled her eyes in annoyance as August approached.

“Thanks a lot, dufus,” she mumbled at August, who stopped in his tracks and gave Regina a ‘what did I do’ expression.

“I…just got here…” he tried. He tore his eyes away to lean down and ask for a kiss from Zelena, who complied and quickly pecked him on the lips.

“Fucking hell, I’m _so_ glad I bought you that aftershave,” she commented as he pulled away and found a fifth seat that their table. “You smell like a new man, Auggie.”

Emma had her mug up to her lips, and spit the coffee she had just sipped back into it, bubbles hitting her nose. “Auggie…” she snickered.

August went bright pink under his five o’clock shadow, and narrowed his eyes at her. “You want to play that game, _Little One_?” he sneered.

Suddenly August and Emma erupted into a cacophony of jabs and insults as the two voices rose to try and one up each other. Regina and Zelena both turned to their significant others to try and defuse the situation, but Emma escalated from raised voices by picking up a piece of her bear claw and throwing it in his face.

“Guys. Please,” Margot called from the counter. “Do we have to go through this every morning? Not everyone in here is caffeinated enough to deal with the two of you. Including me.”

Emma mumbled something under her breath as she threw a dark look August’s way. He sat back in his seat and crossed his arms over his chest, giving Emma a shit-eating grin that Regina knew made Emma’s blood boil.

“You think the two of you can _not_ do this in front of your potential client today, so that maybe you can pick up another case?” Regina asked the pair of them.

“She started it,” August mumbled.

“Jesus,” Zelena thumped her coffee down on the table. “Could you try and be the adult in the room for once?” she asked him.

At that, August’s mouth fell open and he looked at her as if she were a traitor. “Nobody _ever_ asks Emma to be an adult.”

“Excuse me,” Regina broke in, and the voice she used was very clear: The Queen had just arrived on scene. Even Ruby’s shoulders squared to attention as Emma sunk a little further in her chair, the look on her face clear that her Mama had reached her limit, and her bratty attitude needed to come to an end. Now. “I think I did a pretty good job of putting her in check just now?” she said to August. “Could you try not to get her riled up again?”

Nobody said anything as Zelena bit down her smile, and Ruby got up and pretended she needed more creamer in her coffee. Emma found a new fascination with picking apart the last two toes of her bear claw.

“Tilly,” Regina called the barista over kindly, and when Tilly arrived, she said: “could you get August the tallest mug you have and give him several shots of espresso please? I think he’s a little cranky.” She gave August a challenging look as she said it, but he just huffed lightly and looked away.

Zelena smiled August’s way and put a hand on his cheek, giving him a teasing smile as he rolled his eyes. Emma made like she was going to vomit, but Regina swatted her on the butt under the table, and gave her a severe look. Grinning, Emma went back to her bear claw.

Besides Ruby and Mary Margaret, Emma had known August the longest. Deep down, they would do anything for one another, but neither were very good at showing raw emotions, so they masked it with insulting each other every chance they got. For the most part, Regina let them at it, unless they were in public settings like this. Despite this, August was one of the few people that Regina trusted would protect Emma with his life. He had gotten her out of numerous precarious situations, and generally was better at avoiding them coming Emma’s way at all than Emma was herself. So when he had announced he was leaving the bail bondsmen world behind last year and invited Emma go come along with him, Regina was more than happy that Emma had said yes.

Now the two of them solved cases together as private investigators instead of tracking down bail runners, but the core of their partnership was the same: solve the problem, have one another’s back. It was only made better by the third of their business trio, a former sheriff deputy named Graham Humbert. He was a soft-spoken, baby-faced man with enough connections in the force to not only keep the three of them busy, but give their business a leg up. Whenever Emma or August hit a roadblock, Graham was able to remove the debris out of their way. And he was moral nearly to a fault, which worked for Regina; she felt absolutely safe about Emma going to work despite the worries of her PTSD getting the better of her in high stress situations. If ever it were to happen, either August or Graham would be there to help her out.

Zelena’s phone beeped, and she nearly spat out her coffee. “Fucking hell, it’s already 8:30. I’ve gotta go,” she announced, getting up and kissing August as he stood with her.

“Yup. Us too,” Emma stood up and stretched. As she did, a tiny cough escaped her, and Regina sighed to herself as she gathered her gloves and joined everyone in getting up from the table. She caught a peck on her cheek from Zelena, and the two murmured quick goodbyes.

Zelena grabbed Emma in a hug. “Be a good girl for your auntie today, eh?” she whispered in Emma’s ear. Emma giggled as Zelena gave her several kisses designed to tickle her.

And lastly before leaving, Zelena grabbed Ruby roughly by the chin and forced a kiss to her lips. Regina saw Ruby feign a grimace, but she also didn’t pull away. “See you later, Mistress Lucas. Don’t leave the bloody heater on too high today,” she teased. Before Ruby could reply, Zelena pranced out of the café, waving to Margot and Tilly as she went.

“Come on, kid,” August gestured to Emma, jiggling his keys in his hand. Regina had driven them to the café in her car, as Emma’s bug wasn’t a huge fan of freezing temperatures. It worked well when August met them in the morning, and he could take them into their offices. This time of year, he kept his motorcycle at home and went with his beat up truck. “Let’s get to-go cups and meet this lady.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Emma grumbled as she and Ruby pecked each other on the cheek.

“Don’t forget. Saturday,” Ruby gestured to the counter, and Emma grinned and nodded to her before turning to Regina.

A familiar pang hit Regina’s chest that she immediately swallowed down. She could never help it; every time Emma left her for the day, Regina’s body reacted with slight panic. It was so chemical, and no matter how quickly she caught herself before making it noticeable, Emma always knew. It was the one thing that regularly shifted the dynamic in their relationship: Emma holding her and reassuring her that they will see each other later, and in the meantime, she was going to be perfectly alright. For the first several months of their relationship, Emma had been going through so much and was literally in danger. It had only been natural for Regina to worry. Now, things had calmed down quite a bit, but Regina’s instincts still held strong, and she had a hard time breaking the habit.

She saw Emma’s expression shift to a reassuring smile as she kissed her goodbye. “I’ll see you tonight,” Emma said, cocking an eyebrow to go with her lopsided grin that always made Regina’s knees go weak.

As she kissed her goodbye, Regina wrapped her arm around Emma’s waist and brought her in. “Hey,” she whispered softly. “Maybe after your meeting, you should go home and rest.”

“Why?” Emma pulled away and tilted her head to the side in question. Regina reached up to drift the back of her fingers against Emma’s cheek. Emma’s eyes fluttered at the gesture, and a tiny peek of her Little One came out from under the armor.

“You know why,” Regina answered, her tone still quiet and gentle.

Emma didn’t answer, just pressed her lips together, and shrugged. So Regina said the only thing she thought might get through to Emma. “If you truly want to play in the snow this weekend, you’re going to have to make sure that little sniffle doesn’t get any worse.”

As suspected, she saw the shift in Emma’s eyes. They flickered from hopeful to thoughtful as she mulled over the words, and Regina felt like maybe she’d said the right thing to make Emma try and take it easy for the day. Finally, Emma smiled, and leaned in for one last kiss. “See you tonight,” she gave Regina the same reassuring smile as before. “I kinda like you.”

Regina’s smile widened as she and Emma pulled apart. As Emma’s lingering fingers slipped through her own, Regina said, “I kinda like you too,” she replied, and let Emma go.

Ruby walked up behind her and bumped their hips together. “You doing okay?” she asked, giving Regina a sideways smile.

Taking a breath that insinuated she was thinking about the long day ahead of her, Regina smiled back. “More than,” she nodded. “I should get going. I’ve got court in an hour and a half. Late shift tonight?”

Ruby nodded. “Yup. But I think I’m going to hit up the club afterwards.”

Regina raised her eyebrows and gave Ruby a devilish grin. “Miss Lucas,” she teased. “Thursday night hunting? You can’t be that antsy to not be able to wait until tomorrow.”

But Ruby scoffed playfully. “Friday night is for amateurs. I go when the mood hits me.” As she put her gloves on, she smacked Regina in the arm with the back of her hand. “Like you have any room to talk, Queenie.”

Regina laughed at the old reference. “Those days are long behind me. But you’re right: I did my fair share of mid-week hook ups.” As they walked out of the café together, waving goodbye to their friends behind the counter, Regina hooked arms with Ruby. Both of them gave a shiver at the sudden burst of cold air outside, and the smallest bit of snow was still falling from the sky, quieting the usual city noise to a tolerable hum. “Why don’t you just call Killian?” Regina asked. “I’m sure he’d be game.”

Ruby didn’t answer for a moment, and instead dug into her coat pocket where Regina heard her jiggle her found car keys. The look on her face gave Regina the impression she’d just said the wrong thing.

“Hey,” Regina stopped and gave Ruby the first serious look of the morning. “Everything okay?”

Ruby, she could see, was quick to fix her expression. But it happened a beat too late. Regina had caught it: something was up. “Yeah!” Ruby insisted. “Sorry, it’s just…Killian and I…it’s sort of…”

“Running it’s course?” Regina tried when her friend trailed off.

Ruby shrugged and shook her head, her face screwing up in an inquisitive grimace. “Not exactly. I mean, he’s great, and we get along fine. It’s just that…shit, I don’t know.”

“Something’s missing,” Regina offered, and the surprise on Ruby’s face made Regina bite down the grin that wanted to appear.

“I guess you could say that. Maybe.”

Regina tilted her head and gave Ruby a kind smile, hugging the offered arm closer to her own body in a gesture of understanding. “It’s okay to feel that way, Rubes. It wasn’t like you and Killian had promised anything to one another. The two of you have been anything but conventional. Maybe you’re just looking for a break or something different right now.”

Regina saw something then in Ruby’s eyes, the smallest flicker, that made Regina’s Spidey-senses stand on end. Whatever Regina had just said, it had tapped into an emotion that Ruby was clearly feeling. But just as quickly, Ruby righted herself, and gave Regina a smile that looked to mask whatever that look had been.

“It’s not just Killian…” Ruby started. But while Regina waited for more, a change of mind seemed to pass over Ruby’s eyes, and she snapped out of it. She gave Regina a smile, and it made Regina bring her gloved hand up to pat Ruby’s arm as she leaned in to give her a kiss on the cheek. “Ah, forget it. I’ve just got a lot on my mind.”

Smiling back, Regina pulled away from Ruby’s already icy skin. “You having Ruby Night tomorrow?”

Ruby Nights. They were legendary. For the past several years, Ruby had been hosting safe introduction parties designed for subs looking for Doms or visa versa. Back before Emma had lived with Regina, and she and Ruby were sharing a house with their best friend from childhood, Mary Margaret, Ruby had thrown them every other Friday night. They were so popular that many people preferred the option over the clubs, particularly beginners who tended to get overwhelmed with places like The Dungeon or Eye Candy. Ruby was well known and respected in The Scene, so any type of party she threw was almost a guarantee of your safety. In fact, since Regina had retired her handcuffs and floggers when she met Emma, Ruby was now considered Top Domme. The Queen, while she had had a good reign, had passed the torch to Ruby Lucas.

Ruby rolled her eyes at Regina’s question, “Is it Friday?” The tone she used was the same that somebody would ask: “Does a bear shit in the woods?”

“Amateur,” Regina countered, throwing Ruby’s own words back in her face.

“Touché,” she laughed as she went to her own car. “Love you, Mama Bear. See you tomorrow?”

“That depends entirely on this cold I feel Emma might be coming down with,” Regina called back as she walked to her own car.

“Great,” Ruby drawled out. “That’s just what you need. Emma with a temperature.”

Regina chuckled as she got into her car and started the engine.

**

“Damn,” August mumbled behind the wheel as he sipped his coffee. “I’m so looking forward to spring. My coffee is already cold.”

Emma kept her head on the file, ignoring the traffic going past.

“How do you not get sick reading that in here?” she heard August say.

Emma still didn’t look up as she shrugged. “Dunno. I’ve never gotten car sick.”

“So what’s this lady want anyway?”

Finally, Emma looked up, and threw her head back against the seat. She was about to answer him when a sneeze came on. She closed the folder quickly and sneezed into the bend of her arm. The tiniest twitch of a headache was knocking at the doors of her skull, but she picked up her coffee and hoped she could will it away with the caffeine. Like hell if she was going to get sick the week it snowed. She’d been waiting for it forever. “Name’s Candace Barnes. She’s seventy-two, her husband’s some big real estate tycoon, and she’s convinced he’s cheating on her because he’s never home.”

August let out a laugh. “Do real estate tycoons typically spend a lot of time at home?”

Emma let the smirk spread across her face. Sometimes, she and August had the same thoughts. Neither were very fond of the volume of requests to prove or disprove infidelity that they received, but they were quick and simple cases that really paid a lot of bills. They could do three of those cases a month and live comfortably if they really wanted to with the way these rich people paid them to sit outside of strip clubs.

Emma sneezed again and went back to the file in her hand; it was a case that would actually take some groundwork and do her heart good. An elderly couple had been robbed and suspected their nephew. They didn’t much care about the things that had been stolen, but if their hunch was right, they wanted Emma, August, and Graham to find out so that they could try and get their nephew some help. They suspected it was gambling debts and that he was too afraid to come clean with the family.

“You gunna sneeze all over this client while she’s telling us her woes?” August interrupted her thoughts, and Emma gave him a sideways glare.

“I’m fine,” she opened the glove box and took out tissues. She and August spent far too much time in each other’s cars during stakeouts, and both had an entire arsenal of toiletries and snack foods stashed in the various nooks and crevices of their vehicles. Emma knew August’s stashing places just as well as she knew them in her yellow bug.

“You sound a little nasally.”

“Funny. You sound a little annoying,” she quipped.

“And cranky. Great.”

Emma looked over at him and saw that he was having a hard time keeping his grin under wraps. She glowered at him. “I’m fine, _Dad_.”

“Oh no,” August laughed then, turning his blinker on and narrowly missing somebody who though they had a Massachusetts license plate, didn’t seem to know how to drive in the snow. “I’ll play babysitter when you’re head goes all haywire, but don’t put _that_ responsibility on me.”

“Then stop interviewing for the job,” Emma retorted. “That’s the house.”

As it turned out, Emma didn’t have half as bad of a time keeping her sneezes at bay as she did her heavy sighs and eye rolls. Half of the time she did these infidelity cases, she wondered why these couples bothered instead of just getting divorced if there was that much distrust between the two of them. She couldn’t imagine ever suspecting Regina of cheating; their communication was too on point. But even so, she wouldn’t have stayed if she did think that.

“It just isn’t that simple when you’ve been married for years and have a lot of assets together,” Graham had stated with a smile. “Lots of these folks are higher up in the food chain, have a reputation to uphold, have stakes in each other’s businesses, the like. It’s more a business transaction than marriage, and those can get messy if you try to opt out.”

“Unless they can prove infidelity,” August had quipped. “Then it’s a cleaner break, and the courts give her more, too.”

Emma liked Graham. He was typically quiet, good-natured if not a little on the anxious side, and had more connections in the community than August and Emma combined. Both of them had come from humble beginnings; Emma an orphan and August the son of a single dad carpenter. But Graham’s father had been assistant Sheriff years back, and he’d grown up in with his family mingling in higher society. It was a different world, one that Emma wasn’t as alien to since attending dinner parties and awards ceremonies with Regina’s law colleagues, but lost in translation all the same. As well-bred as Regina was, she didn’t much like mingling in that crowd, and they only did so when Regina’s presence was absolutely necessary because Regina hated it. She wanted nothing to do with it, and Emma couldn’t say she blamed her. Coming from New England aristocracy, Regina was completely at home in those settings, but her family had also fallen victim to what that kind of lifestyle cost people.

Graham, on the other hand, made a point of making regular appearances for the specific purpose of keeping his face familiar in the community. It gained and maintained trust, he explained to Emma. A good name that’s well kept means a longevity in your business. Because in this world of tuxedos and silver spoons, image was everything. And if they wanted to keep their paychecks above average, this was the world they needed to mingle in.

Which brought them back to the cases that had quickly become their bread and butter. Infidelity wasn’t uncommon, but keeping it secret was. Spade Investigations, as Graham August and Emma had titled their business, was not only trusted to get the job done, but also to keep confidentiality. Half of the time this worked because both Emma and August had nothing to do with the well-bred world they were always investigating, and the other half worked because Graham only spoke when spoken to. All of this knowledge kept Emma on her best behavior while speaking to these clients. And privileged as they were compared to Emma, it was hard for her not to feel sorry for a woman past her prime that had spent the last thirty years in the shadow of a powerful lawyer or CEO. Even if she was dabbing her eyes into a well-tailored handkerchief with her initials engraved in the corner.

After the meeting, they made it back to their humble office, a small, dusty space that much to Emma’s pleasure wasn’t very far away from the courthouse. It was wedged in between a mom and pop electronics repair store and a laundromat that brought on heaps of unbearable steam in the summers but warmth in the winters. They still didn’t have their sign up against the stone architecture, but Graham insisted that this was a good thing: if clients wanted to keep their secrets under wraps, it didn’t look well to walk into a building screaming that they were there as private investigators.

Graham was rocking in his cushy chair, one of the many pieces of furniture that the three of them had managed to grab during an office close down that was donating all of their things. In it, they had acquired three desks, chairs, and two filing cabinets. One of them had several broken drawers that August had tried and failed to repair and just made worse.

“Is he guilty?” he asked as he looked up at Emma and August coming in.

“Probably,” Emma mumbled as she went to her own desk, placing the file for the elderly couple and their nephew on top of a stack. If she were to guess, she’d say eight times out of ten, these men were having affairs, and usually nine point ninety nine percent of their partners did absolutely nothing about it once they learned the truth.

“Swan and I will do some stalking on Monday. See if we can’t figure anything out about him,” August said, stomping his boot in the entryway. He left a massive amount of snow piled up on the mat, and for a moment, Emma wished they could hire Tilly to come clean up after them.

She shook her head at his announcement. “No can do. Monday is full for the Oswalds,” she looked at their file as she said it, having an idea of where she was going to find their nephew. She was hoping her hunch was correct.

August rolled his eyes. “Fine. Tuesday then.”

The nice thing about working so close to the courthouse was that Emma and Regina could frequent each other’s offices. On the days that she carpooled with August, it was easy for Emma to simply head over and ride home with her partner. Eventually, she’d have to get a new car, but she’d been putting it off despite Regina’s insistence that she’d help buy her one. Emma had put nearly all of her savings into the business, and she wasn’t about to go through the rest on a vehicle.

Her appearance in Regina’s office after a long day made Regina’s eyes light up like Christmas upon seeing her, and the smile that spread from ear to ear was impossible to miss. It was always an assurance to Emma that what she felt for Regina was reciprocated. It made her own smile appear.

Before so much as taking another breath, Regina was up and out of her seat as Emma walked in, and she scooped Emma up into a hug and tackled her with feather kisses against her cheek as Emma giggled and tried to dodge them to avoid the ticklish thrill it sent down her spine. Regina relented and pulled the beanie off of Emma’s head, tossing it onto a guest chair in front of her desk and placing her fingers on Emma’s cheeks.

“You’re frozen!” she exclaimed. “Did you walk here, or did August drop you off?”

Emma shrugged, “I walked. I wanted to get a taste of the snow.” She smiled and kissed Regina. Just being in Regina’s arms warmed her up all she needed to be, even though she wasn’t as cold as it might have seemed after her brisk walk. “If you’ve got more work to do, I can catch up on some emails,” she offered.

But Regina shook her head. “I’m fried. Court took us up until an hour ago. Everything can wait until morning. Let’s go home,” she said as she went to grab her briefcase and coat. “What do you want for dinner tonight?”

Emma grabbed her beanie as the idea of pizza went through her mind. But she knew Regina wasn’t going to go for that on a Thursday unless she was exhausted. They had plenty of food in the fridge, she would say.

Much to her surprise, she had dozed off in the car, and was roused by a squeeze to her thigh. “We’re home.”

Mama. Emma could pick out that voice from a thousand in a concert hall. A huge part of her wanted to melt right into it and put her arms out, but knew better than to think she was going to be carried all the way up to the apartment.

Sighing, she went to undo her seatbelt, but saw that it had already been undone. When her passenger door opened, she looked to see Regina standing there waiting for her, a kind grin spread across her face. Emma gave her one back and got out, mumbling an apology for falling asleep. But Regina just shook her head, and then raised a hand to Emma’s forehead.

Emma was too foggy from sleep to ward her off, and she saw Regina’s lips press together in contemplation as she felt Emma’s forehead.

“Emma, are you sure you’re feeling okay?”

Taking Regina’s hand from away from her forehead, she locked their fingers together, and guided them towards the elevator to reach the top suite. “Yeah. Why wouldn’t I be?”

Regina pressed her lips together tighter, and Emma saw that expression that said Regina was choosing her words carefully because she knew that what she was going to say would be upsetting. Emma braced herself to not react poorly, because she didn’t want Regina to feel she needed to watch what she said. “You seem under the weather, and I want to make sure you’re taking care of yourself. You know what happens when you push yourself too hard.”

Emma winced at the comment, but nodded in agreement. “It’s just a little headache, babe. I’m doing okay.”

She saw Regina’s shoulders fall in defeat, but she nodded as she pressed the button for their floor. “Okay,” she said, winking at Emma. “Do you want spaghetti leftovers or chicken?”

Emma didn’t even take time to weigh her options. Chicken meant the green beans and carrots that went with it. The spaghetti meant the meatballs that went with it. “Sketti,” she answered, and she could tell by Regina’s look that it was very obvious why she had made her choice. But she knew Regina would relent. Vegetables on her plate meant she had to give Emma a number of bites she had to take, while otherwise she didn’t have to fight getting Emma to eat an entire dinner.

Once their front door was open, Emma bounded into the living room, where she thudded down onto the sofa and curled herself up. On leftover nights, she didn’t have to play sous chef. The moment she fell against the cushions was the moment she realized she hadn’t rested all day…and it hit her that her body felt like it was twisting up in pain and her head was still pounding. She squeezed her eyes shut tighter and willed this sickness away. She couldn’t get sick. Not when it had finally started to snow. She had already called Will to join her and Tilly for Saturday. Maybe if she just rested…

The smell of the spaghetti came wafting into the living room, and soon Regina was calling her to come set the table. Emma made herself get up. She’d take a couple of aspirin, and she’d be just fine. The hardest job wasn’t going to be psyching herself out. She was a pro at that: so many times in her childhood and teen years, when it would have been a huge inconvenience for whoever her caretaker was for her to get sick, she had been able to will her body back to health, if not just suffer in silence. The hardest job was going to be convincing Regina, the one person in her life who thrived off of taking care of her, that she wasn’t.

At any other time, she would have given into the care willingly. But not when it had finally snowed…


	2. Ruby Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys! I love you! Holy crap! You never cease to amaze me. What a nice welcome back.
> 
> Its so cliche to say, but I just got tired. I really ran myself into the ground. My career was going beautifully, which was great in some respects but bad for you guys as that meant much more brain power was going into work. And writing takes brain power. It was dwindling. My personal life, on the other hand, wasn't going so beautifully. I was just spiraling. I wasn't emotionally strong at the time. I won't get into it, but I just dealt with terrible loss and had to make huge adjustments in my life to just be okay. I'm still getting there. 
> 
> Okay, enough about that. Let me address a few things about the fic that I remember coming up before. First, I can't remember how many chapters we got though last time, but once I stopped posting, I stopped writing. So I've got about 10 chapters done. I'll post every few days to catch us up, but once I need to start writing full chapters again, please be patient with me. The weekly thing probably isn't going to work out. I got really burned out on that. It won't be months, but it'll probably take longer than a week to get a new installment out to you. Sorry, but that's the only way I can do this right now. Second, people's fears about the newest character taking up too much space should be soothed. I know why you're all reading, and it isn't for too many distractions from our main characters and their dynamics. It will be as much of a plot as the rest of it, but the focus will always be Emma and Regina and a growth in their relationship. While this fic has plenty of plot, I have made careful considerations to how long since an intimate scene, a Little scene, etc, etc. The ship, in other words, is in good hands.
> 
> See the end of the chapter for notes on the original: A Little Something New. I've got some news there too.

“I think our babysitter makes more than we do,” Ashley giggled into her drink.

Her husband Sean was by her side, nodding at her comment as he enjoyed his beer. “Yeah, but she’s worth it.”

“So worth it. I am not stay-at-home-mom-material.” Ashley’s eyes got big and she gave a huge sigh as if to say how relieved she was to be out of the house on a Friday night. “I’m telling you, Emma, if you ever want to make some real money, get into childcare.”

Emma really didn’t feel she was childcare material, but she kept her comments to herself, sipping her beer with a polite smile. The first time Emma had met Ashley and Sean had been at Eye Candy, a club that focused on a huge center stage where artists could perform various skits devoted to a wide range of kinks. Regina herself had performed on that stage numerous times in her pre-Emma days. On the side walls of the club were private rooms where people with deep pockets could pay to have their own peep show of certain performers. Emma knew that Ashley and Sean made a decent living as regular performers at Eye Candy, and was pretty sure they also made money at parties on the side that may not have had the same “no touching” rules set in place.

Emma heard her name at the other side of the room in a group involving August, Robin and Will. August pointed her way during a story, and they all laughed. Clearly, he was relating one of their many adventures of catching bad guys, and he had picked a funnier tale. Will was particularly in stitches, and Emma was sure he was sucking up any ammo he might be able to use later so he could tease her.

Emma liked Will, but she had to be careful around him when he was Little; he tended to have a short fuse and throw supreme tantrums. Still, he reminded her of August in a way: they could banter without him getting all bent out of shape, and he was a loyal friend when push came to shove. In The Playpen not long ago, Emma had been playing with a streamer Mama had given her, and a Little she didn’t know stole it right from her hands. Will didn’t even hesitate to go after the thief and take it back, topping it off with a good shove and announcing that Emma was his friend and they had to go through Will first if they wanted to bully her. He brought it right back to Emma, who by then was bawling in Mama’s arms.

“No David and Mary Margaret tonight?” Emma asked Ruby. She hadn’t remembered to text her other best friend, but perhaps Ruby had heard from the couple.

But Ruby just shook her head. “They’re nesting,” she explained.

Emma heard Regina giggle, and she had to smile herself. After a lot of debate, David had finally gotten Mary Margaret to take her maternity leave. Instead of heading back to the classroom after winter break, she was staying home. Good thing too, Emma thought. Mary Margaret didn’t have long before the baby was due in. Still, she figured Mary Margaret missed these little get togethers; she and David weren’t in the habit of Playing in the bedroom, but they loved to watch. Even just the flirtatious parts that happened in plain sight at Ruby Nights were fun for Mary Margaret. Emma had a feeling that Mary Margaret’s voyeurism got her in the mood, which suited David just fine.

Emma enjoyed these get togethers now too. She and Regina weren’t looking for a third party, but it was a good time for all of the friends to be together and mingle with others. Besides, Regina had been Queen Domme for so long that everyone knew who she was, and now that Emma was much more open about being Little in The Scene, they always ran into friends at the parties.

Emma was surprised to learn how well she was known in Boston’s BDSM Scene, seeing as how before Regina, she hadn’t been involved with it at all. However, Regina had all but disappeared from it when the two of them had first gotten together, and the mystery of who had stolen The Queen away from her crown was born. Months later, when they started making an appearance as a couple, Emma found that she was a point of fascination with many of the regulars. Being Ruby’s best friend only elevated Emma more. Ruby was second only to Regina when it came to the top Dommes. Being a Little alone didn’t give Emma much status, but who she was associated with made all the difference in the world.

This night, Ruby sat on the couch with her arm wrapped around the shoulders of a young sub. The girl didn’t seem to be able to believe her luck that she had been chosen for the evening. Ruby leaned down and whispered something in her ear, making the sub’s eyes dart Killian’s way, and then she looked at Ruby and nodded with a blush. Emma had a feeling the three of them would be having a great time in Ruby’s bedroom once the party ended.

While Emma and Regina caught up with Ashley and Sean, Ruby left Killian to talk to their new conquest and made her way to their group.

Emma had a beer in her hand that she had been nursing for a while, the chill completed sweat out of it, and when she took a sip, she grimaced at its warmth. Rolling her eyes, Ruby grabbed it from her. “You sip like a child. I might as well put it in a sippy cup for you.”

Emma felt her face flush with fire as Ruby drank down the warm liquid. She hadn’t realized it until that moment, but she had been looking down at her feet and fidgeting, peeling the label off of the beer bottle and smushing it in between her fingers. Sometimes Emma slipped, and she didn’t realize she was doing it. Typically she welcomed that, but she had been keeping her Little moments to a minimum since the day before when she started not feeling good. She really wanted to have fun in the snow tomorrow, and she was trying to keep herself from really falling into this threatening cold. If she fell into the caregiving Regina was anxious to give her sick Little One, she just knew that a full-blown cold would rear its ugly head. So she tried hard not to give into her natural urge, though she knew that this avoidance tactic wasn’t going unnoticed by Regina.

Regina made a tutting noise at Ruby. “Stop teasing her,” she chided as she put an arm around Emma’s waist.

Ruby just grinned. “I seriously have one of her sippy cups here,” she taunted, making Emma’s cheeks flush darker. In the instances where Ruby or Zelena had to watch a regressed Emma, a few of her items were scattered around their apartment.

“Ruby Lucas,” Regina raised her voice ever so slightly, the Domme in her rearing its head. “If you put beer in my toddler’s sippy cup, I’ll bend you over my knee right in front of everyone and completely tarnish your reputation. Do you understand?”

Ashley and Sean snorted out their laughter, and Ruby joined them. She was having way too much fun teasing Emma, and also Regina, whose protectiveness of Baby Emma was intense.

Once, Ruby thought it would be funny to ask: “What would you do if Emma regressed while the two of you were at The Dungeon, Regina?”

Regina hadn’t thought the question was funny in the least. Her eyes had turned a disturbing shade of black and she grit out: “then I’d cover her eyes and get her the hell out of there. As quickly as I could.”

“You completely freaked her out!” Emma had complained to Ruby later. “It took me five days to convince her to go back to The Dungeon, and that was only after we put even _more_ safety measures in place!” It didn’t matter that so far Emma had only regressed during sleep. There was always the possibility, and none knew that better than Regina.

Now, Ruby kept her taunts less sinister, but still had her fun with Regina’s protective streak.

“Well, I’d _wash_ it,” she said about Emma’s sippy cup until a growl finally escaped Regina’s throat, and Ruby relented with a hand. “Alright, Mama Bear. I get it. No beer in the sippy cups.”

Emma was pulled out of her embarrassment as a tall brunette woman walked by their group. She eyed Emma and with a smirk, winked. Emma blinked in surprise as the woman then looked at Regina and gave a coaxing smile. Emma looked Regina’s way just in time to see a grin and a little shake of Regina’s head in answer. As the girl walked away confidently, Emma she had to give the girl some credit. It wasn’t every day that somebody had the guts to come on to her and Regina, so when they did, Emma figured they were pretty sure of themselves.

Ruby saw the exchange too and scoffed. “You two and your monogamous puppy love. You’re so boring,” the way she said it was teasing, but Emma heard the slightest edge in her voice as Ruby sauntered away back to her duo that she would be making into a trio for the evening. Ashley and Sean found conversation with someone else, and Emma and Regina were left together with the comment lingering around them.

Regina seemed completely unbothered by the comment, and gave Emma a playful look. “Do you think we’re boring?” she asked, amused.

Emma gave a genuine laugh. “Yeah right.” Her and Regina’s sex life was a lot of things, but boring wasn’t one of them. That part wasn’t what threw her off about Ruby’s comment. Ruby enjoyed teasing Regina. But Emma had known Ruby since they were kids. She doubted many people were able to pick up on the subtleties of Ruby’s tones and behaviors like she was. Clearly Regina hadn’t. But there was something there. Not that Emma believed Ruby genuinely thought they were boring. In fact, Emma had a feeling that what she had really meant was the exact opposite.

But she didn’t have time to ponder over the implications of what that meant for her friend who recently had been having a tough time trying to work out the next stage of her life. Because Regina tightened her hold on Emma’s hips and stepped into her space, forcing their faces so close together that their lips were practically brushing up against each other’s. A sharp intake of breath, and Emma’s mind blanked on her thoughts and completely stepped into the moment. The party around them vanished.

Her hands went up to Regina’s chest, and she twisted her fingers into the fabric of her partner’s shirt, something she was prone to doing when they were at home and cuddling with one another. As suspected, it earned her a glimmer in Regina’s eye, whose look was already dark and hooded as she gazed at Emma. “I wanna take you home,” she said in her sultry voice that always turned Emma’s legs to jelly. She loved that voice. And the insinuation was clear. Emma felt the heat in her belly, and bit her lip hard to keep from moaning in response. It earned her a low chuckle, because Regina, as always, missed nothing.

Emma felt her hand being taken, and another whisper came to her ear. “Say goodnight to everyone, Emma.”

In the car, Regina kept one hand on the steering wheel, and the other still in between Emma’s legs. It wasn’t nearly enough friction, and Emma knew that was by design. She swallowed as another flick of a finger barely grazed her clit, and felt her cheeks heat up as an involuntary jolt of her hips came to try and meet the touch.

“None of that now,” Regina pulled her hand away slightly, her tone calm and collected. Regina was in the mood to Play, and that suited Emma just fine. It was one of the many benefits of making appearances in The Scene: it brought out Regina’s mischievous side. Emma loved it. Two years ago, she would have thought it was insane to even insinuate that she might be into the many things she and Regina did. Now, the idea of life without it was unbearable.

“But I wanna feel good…” she answered, just the slightest bit of pleading.

“This doesn’t feel good?” Regina suddenly cupped Emma’s sex, and Emma immediately responded by clamping her legs around it, trying to hold Regina there as she rocked. She hadn’t meant to do it, but the teasing she was being subjected to was starting to turn her into a bundle of nerves, completely reactive. The gesture did exactly as she would have expected if she had thought about it first: the hand was taken away.

“Mm…don’t go…” this time, the pleading was apparent, but Regina didn’t sympathize. Instead, she brought the hand up to Emma’s neck and cradled her, making shushing noises. It had the opposite effect of calming her, and Emma turned her head into the hand and gave it a little kiss.

It felt like years before their front door was finally closed behind them, and Emma instantly threw herself into the arms of her lover, who pulled back to unzip Emma from her jacket. “Patience, Little One,” she winked, and Emma knew that Regina was having far too much fun dragging this out. “I have a job for you.”

Emma stood to attention then as her layers were removed. She waited for Regina to give her the task, but instead of saying anything, Regina slipped herself out of her own jacket and sauntered towards the living room. The leather pencil skirt she was in could be heard rubbing against her skin, making Emma swallow down the little moisture she had in her mouth. Fuck, Regina looked good in that thing.

She followed, where from the entryway, she saw Regina sit up straight on the couch. She snapped her fingers once, pointing to the ground at her high heels. “Come here.”

The Queen. A rush of excitement went through Emma, setting off a bolt of pure pleasure through her body that she was sure was visible. At the beginning of their relationship, Regina had intimidated Emma. She knew enough about Regina’s reputation to know what she was capable of in the bedroom, and Emma having no experience whatsoever didn’t think she could even come close to meeting the demands. However, Regina had proved herself ten times over to not only be trustworthy, but kind and gentle. Her patience was endless, and Emma knew that anything that happened during their Play could be immediately stopped with the slightest word. Emma was in complete control of everything that happened to her, and so far in their relationship, she had yet to have to give the signal that it needed to stop. This was partly because Regina knew intuitively what to do and not do, and partly because before Emma even had a chance to think about it, Regina would check on her. Always in control, always conscious of her safety, Regina never allowed Emma to put herself in harm’s way.

And so, The Queen, merely a more mischievous and playful extension of the person she trusted wholeheartedly, only made the sex a thousand times better.

Emma approached and knelt on her knees at Regina’s feet. The hand that had snapped its fingers raised to Emma’s chin and held her head up to make eye contact. “Tell me my promise to you.”

Emma gave a little grin. “You will always keep me safe.”

A proud smile barely ticked on The Queen’s face. “That’s my Emma,” she praised as her hand came away to hike up her own skirt. The leather was raised to her hips, and Regina sat on the edge of the couch cushion, exposing the purple lace panties underneath that were Emma’s favorite. “Will you be a good girl and do me the honor?” She motioned to the panties, and Emma knew exactly what was expected of her. She smoothed her hands up Regina’s thighs until her fingers found the hem of the purple lace and hooked into them. Regina raised her butt off of the cushion briefly so Emma could slide them down. As they reached her ankles, Regina spread her legs out and stepped her heals out of them.

Regina’s scent hit Emma’s nostrils, and she inhaled deeply through her nose, eyes nearly closing at the musky-apple-like scent of her. Knowing how wet Regina was only made Emma feel her own wetness in her panties. When she looked up, The Queen was still sitting proudly, eyes looking down at Emma with a hint of amusement. Emma felt a hand on the back of her head, and to her pleasure, she was guided in between Regina’s thighs.

She inhaled again, face so close to the opening of her lover’s sex. She pressed her nose against the hood of Regina’s clit and sighed, but felt a swat on one of her butt cheeks. She yelped in surprised and looked up. The Queen was righting herself, and now had her hands on Emma’s wrists.

Woops. Emma hadn’t realized that she’d hugged Regina’s thighs with her arms as she’d leaned in, and she knew she’d just been spanked because she hadn’t been given permission to touch. She felt her hands being put behind her back, and she linked her fingers together to keep them there.

“You know better than that,” a dangerous voice said. “How many spanks did that earn you, do you think?”

Emma shivered in anticipation, that wetness in between her own legs making itself known, but when she tried to answer, her breathing was just as shaky as she felt. “I’m sorry,” she said.

“That wasn’t an answer,” The Queen replied, raising a brow as she looked down at Emma. “And you’re sorry…”

“I’m sorry, Mama,” Emma followed the prompt, and despite the look on her face, Regina brought a hand to Emma’s cheek, cupping it as a thumb rubbed Emma’s bottom lip. Emma gave it a tiny flick of her tongue, her eyes daring to be punished for the insubordination.

If Emma prided herself on one thing during their sessions, it was that she was pretty good at leveling the playing field. For the most part, she was left sniveling and pleading under the sharp thumb of her Domme. If she didn’t do what Regina told her to do, she wouldn’t get the outcome she wanted. But she wasn’t the only one who was made to work for a release. She pushed Regina. Because despite the begging at the end of the night, she relished the punishments.

“Answer my question,” The Queen ordered.

But Emma shook her head. “However many you think.”

Narrowing her eyes, The Queen ruffled Emma’s hair, and pulled Emma’s face forward again. “Taste me.”

Emma didn’t need to be told twice. She brought her tongue out and gave a painfully slow lick from the bottom of Regina’s opening up to her clit. She closed her mouth around the sensitive button as she felt the shiver go through Regina’s body, and lapped at it gently.

“Mm…so you _do_ know how to be a good girl.”

Emma hummed her pleasure. Nothing felt better than being praised, than being called a good girl. She craved it. It didn’t matter how many times she heard it; the words always sent a shot of heat through her body all the way down to her core. Clenching the hands behind her back, Emma felt a gush of wetness slide out of her and hit her panties as she tasted Regina for the first time, and she hummed again against the swelling clit in her mouth.

Regina brought both hands to Emma’s cheeks, and she forced Emma closer against her as she bucked her hips up against Emma’s lips. “That’s it,” she sung as Emma dipped further down, diving her tongue into the tight opening of Regina’s pussy. “You know how I like it…”

Emma did. She jutted her tongue out and brought it to the tight ring of Regina’s entrance, forcing it inside and curling to the spongy area at the top. Her nose hit Regina’s clit and she nudged against it tenderly as she licked against Regina’s silken walls. She tasted a new release of wetness slide out of Regina in response, and Emma wrapped her lips around Regina’s entrance and sucked as she continued to massage against the silken heat. When she felt Regina shiver, Emma pushed herself against her partner’s pussy roughly and licked harder before pulling out and closing her mouth around Regina’s clit. With the new moisture in her mouth, she flicked at the swollen button with her tongue.

Regina’s hips jerked forward as Emma felt the back of her head pushed closer with a shaky hand. Regina began to move her hips back and forth against Emma’s face as she whispered, “Oh…do that again.”

Emma did as she was told. Her tongue reentered Regina’s sensitive walls and she massaged dutifully before she pulled back out and clasped her mouth around Regina’s clit. This time, she was rougher as she felt the swelling of the flesh she was against, knowing Regina’s arousal was reaching a point where she needed it harder.

When Regina’s head fell back and she let out a sigh, Emma hummed around the swelling clit in her mouth, knowing that the vibrations were making the feeling that much better. Regina’s hips were beginning to hump in slow circles, her breathing picking up, the tenor in her voice raising in pitch; Emma was licking her into her first orgasm. Legs clamped around Emma’s head in response to flicking Regina’s clit quicker, and she brought her hands forward from around her back.

Two little fingers barely brushed against Regina’s outer thigh, but the reaction was swift. The legs clamping around Emma’s face vanished, the warmth in Emma’s mouth with it. Emma felt hands under her arms, and she was lifted quicker than she could react, roughly thrown over the lap she had just been buried between. A sharp sting hit her bottom, another right after it.

Emma cried out as her hands clenched at the cushion underneath her. A mixture of pain and pleasure forced her hips to grind down against the lap she was over, but the action resulted in her pants being roughly forced down. She felt the breeze as her bottom was exposed to the air, and Regina’s hand smacked down with a loud crack two more times against her bare skin.

“Ah!” she squealed. “I’m sorry!”

“Quiet!” The Queen barked. “I was so close. I told you to keep your hands behind your back, didn’t I?” Another swat on her flesh had Emma mewling.

“Yes!” she cried.

She was forced roughly to her feet, and The Queen tore at the button of Emma’s pants and pulled them down to Emma’s knees, her boy shorts following with them. Emma caught Regina’s reaction at seeing that the shorts were her favorite. She liked to steal them from Emma and wear them to bed in warmer weather. Still, the pulled her eyes up to meet Emma’s and the slightest raising of an eyebrow could be caught.

“’m sorry…” Emma whispered as she squirmed, trying to ward off the stinging on her bottom.

The Queen just laughed. “Oh, you will be sorry. Trust me. Back on your knees.”

Emma obeyed immediately, eyes following as Regina sat back down on the couch. She pierced Emma with a challenging stare and spread her legs. “Now,” she said, her voice turning back to a silky timber. “Get back here. And if you bring those hands out from behind your back again, your punishment will be much worse than you already have coming.”

A whimper escaped Emma’s throat when she heard that she was going to get a punishment beyond what she had already earned. More than likely, Regina was going to make her work very hard to come. And Emma knew that by the time she would be able to, she was going to be an absolute begging mess.

As Regina’s hand came to guide Emma back to her opening, she gave the tiniest of shushing noises and changed her tone to soothe that sound Emma had made. “Mama’s here, baby. Come on. Be a good girl and lick me.”

Safety wrapped around Emma’s conscience. The reassurance was all she needed: Emma wasted no time, diving in and entering Regina again with her tongue. Regina’s lips were even more swollen than before, and Emma knew that the sight of Emma with her pants down over her knees had Regina even more turned on. “That’s it,” she praised as Emma began to fuck Regina with her tongue.

Emma responded by pulling her tongue out and wrapping her lips around Regina’s clit again. In no time, it was as if the little interruption had never happened. Regina’s hips were off of the couch again, fucking herself against Emma’s face as Emma relentlessly entered her lover and then pulled out to suckle against the swollen clit.

Regina’s thighs began to clamp around Emma’s cheeks, and Emma felt them begin to shake as fresh wetness gushed against her chin. “There’s my good girl…” The word was caught in Regina’s throat, and Emma knew she was close. She was hoping she could pull a good orgasm out of Regina, and maybe a little pity would be taken on her.

Regina’s soaking pussy was engulfing her face, and Emma couldn’t get enough of it. She was so soft, so wet, tasted just like what Emma’s wet dreams were made of. Emma had never had wet dreams before Regina. Now, she had them if the two of them didn’t manage to make love for three days straight. Regina would wake her, laughing lightly at the noises and gestures Emma had been making in her sleep. “Was my naughty little girl dreaming of me?” she’d murmur.

“Oh god!” If it were at all possible, Regina’s thighs tightened. At the same moment that Emma was about to moan out at the image of Regina waking her and petting her already wet cunt, her mouth flooded with Regina’s climax. Diving in closer, her nose pressed against the soft skin just above Regina’s hood, Emma suckled roughly at the juices. The pause as Regina froze was followed by her moaning out in pleasure, hips bucking so wildly that Emma fought to follow. But she held on, lips wrapped around the sensitive clit as Regina slowly calmed. Her hands had left Emma’s face, and were running through her own hair, willing herself to gain composure.

Finally letting go, Emma dipped her head down and smiled to herself. She didn’t unclasp her hands until she felt Regina’s under her arms, lifting her up again. This time, she was guided to sit on one of Regina’s bare knees, and she was surprised at how slippery it was. Looking down, she saw that her own vagina was swollen and soaking, now coating Regina’s skin. She whimpered at the feeling of a knee against her clit, and tried to grind down.

A chuckle left Regina’s lips at the movement, and she smiled up at Emma as she shook her head. “Is my little girl all wet?” she asked, bringing a thumb up to wipe at Emma’s chin. Regina rubbed her own come off of Emma’s face and brought her thumb up to taste, eyes never leaving Emma’s as she did so. She was somewhere in between The Queen and Mama now; a good place to be. That meant that she would take a little pity on Emma while still keeping their Play creative.

Hands on Regina’s shoulders to keep herself upright, Emma watched in awe as Regina’s tongue wrapped around her thumb to taste herself. She then brought the same thumb down to graze against Emma’s bud. Emma lifted up just slightly from the knee to allow Regina better access, but it was no use; Regina brought her hand away and instead rubbed against Emma’s still stinging bottom. As she did, her eyes raked up Emma’s body, and there was delight in the complete lack of dignity Emma had in her current situation: her pants and undershorts were brought down around her ankles, her bare bottom red from her spanking, chin still sticky with Regina’s come, and pussy grinding helplessly against an unresponsive knee.

“Mama…” Emma whimpered, searching for pity. She gave one good grind against Regina’s leg. Her clit was beginning to ache in rapid pulses that matched her heartrate. She needed release. Badly.

But Regina just smiled and shook her head. “Oh no,” she said kindly. “You’re being punished, remember?”

Emma let out a little mewl as she rested her head against Regina’s shoulder, knowing she’d earned this. Shouldn’t have touched…

And then her panting froze as that low, sultry voice tickled so close to her ear. “If you want to come, you’ll have to do it yourself.”

Swallowing, Emma shut her eyes and nodded in agreement that this seemed like a decent punishment. It wasn’t the first time she’d had to masturbate in front of Regina as penance. But as she was about to bring her hand down to touch herself, her wrist was caught gently, and she heard Regina give a little laugh. “Who said you could use your hands?”

Emma’s eyes widened at her partner. Oh shit. That…complicated things.

As her mind went frantic with how she was going to pull this off, The Queen’s calming voice found her again. “Come on, Emma. You’re clever. How are you going to come?”

In response, Emma wrapped both arms around Regina’s neck, and ground down on the knee she was sitting on, now slippery with her juices. Her own knees were resting on the cushions of the couch, and she used them for leverage as she pressed her clit against the soft skin.

“Very good,” The Queen praised with a light sing-song voice. Her hands placed themselves on Emma’s hips, but they merely sat there, did not add or subtract any strength to Emma’s humping. This, Emma knew, was one of Regina’s favorite games: watching Emma demean herself for pleasure. Emma exposed in compromising positions lit a fire in Regina’s eyes that Emma never saw otherwise; it excited her. And it excited Emma too. She didn’t know why. Probably because she knew that if she were in any real compromising situation, Regina would kill to make sure she got Emma to safety.

The thought had Emma whining, grinding down harder. But no matter what she tried, she couldn’t find enough purchase to make any dents in the throbbing growing between her legs. There wasn’t enough friction here. In fact, The Queen was pulling away as much as possible to make it even harder. Emma whimpered in frustration as she dove her face in the crook of Regina’s neck, her lips coming forward to suckle the skin there, desperate for comfort as she tried so hard to no avail.

“This is your punishment, Emma,” Regina reasoned with her, a hand rubbing up and down Emma’s back once before returning to her hips. “Are you sorry for not listening now?”

Emma nodded frantically as she continued to try and rub her clit against Regina’s knee. It felt good, but she knew it wasn’t going to do the trick if Regina kept fighting her. “Oh god…” she gasped.

Regina just chuckled. “You did this to yourself,” she reasoned kindly. “Come on, sweetheart. You can do it. Come on my knee,” The voice was how she would speak to a child, one she had used with Emma on countless occasions. But in this particular scenario, it was what she used to tease Emma into desperation. And it worked wonders. She felt more wetness pool against her opening and Regina’s knee.

“I…can’t…” Emma clenched out, her hips humping frantically now, all dignity out the window. Regina had the gift of stripping Emma of all of it. “Please!”

“Oh-ho!” a chiming smile clearly accompanied the exclamation as Regina put her hands back under Emma’s arms and pulled them apart so she could look Emma in the eye. “There’s the word I was looking for!” Emma couldn’t help the proud smile that came over her face at finally remembering her manners, as Regina kissed her lips once and then leaned in closer to whisper in Emma’s ear. “Would Buttons help you, darling?”

The reaction Emma’s body had to the question was embarrassingly obvious. She shivered, and a tiny whimper escaping from her lips. Buttons was a huge pillow that Regina had found at a department store. Down the middle of it were equally huge buttons that for some reason, worked miracles against Emma’s clit when she was allowed to use it during punishments. In the times that Regina spanked Emma for infractions, Emma was sometimes allowed to have it underneath her to grind against. If anything felt better or turned Emma on more than being spanked by Regina, it was being allowed to hump something as she was. Still, talk about being stripped of all dignity.

Hands back to Regina’s chest, she clenched her fingers around Regina’s shirt and lowered her head as she shamefully nodded.

“Emma…” a warning tone came out, and though Emma kept her head lowered as she felt her cheeks burning, she obeyed what she knew was expected of her.

“Mama, may I please use Buttons?”

Emma lifted her eyes briefly, just quickly enough to see the satisfied smile come over Regina’s face. “Alright then. Up and at ‘em.” She tapped once on Emma’s bottom, prompting her to stand up. Before they went anywhere, Regina leaned down and untied Emma’s shoes. “Step out,” she ordered gently as Emma finally rid herself of her shoes, pants, and boy shorts. Righting her own skirt, Regina took Emma’s hand and led them into the bedroom, where she guided Emma to lay on the bed.

Emma lay on her stomach as Regina went to the closet to retrieve Buttons. Anticipation built as she waited, and she pivoted her hips so that she could rub her sex against their comforter. Her fingers found her mouth, and she closed her lips around them, sucking feverishly.

A smack to her bottom had Emma releasing her fingers, and she cried out. But her body gave her away. The pleasure the spank gave made Emma press her pussy against the comforter even harder.

“No fingers, Emma. Lift up.”

The only thing that made Emma obey was knowing that the moment she did, she’d be that much closer to her release. She lifted herself on her hands and knees as Regina slid the large pillow underneath her.

Emma didn’t wait. The moment she knew it was in place, she collapsed against the pillow, and her arms wrapped around it as she straddled it. Mortification of her desperation was kept at bay by the betraying noise of arousal that escaped Regina’s throat as she joined Emma on the bed. Emma felt a supportive hand on the small of her back as she ground down against the pillow. She shifted until she felt one of the large buttons against her clit, and a satisfied sigh came out of her as she humped against it. Trying to muffle the noise into the pillow did nothing to hide her pleasure.

“There we go,” Regina coaxed.

Emma released a moan into the air that had Regina mimicking her, and she turned to watch Regina watching her. Not surprisingly, Regina was sitting on her heels, and she was using her free hand to massage herself to her second orgasm. Her hooded eyes closed momentarily in pleasure, and the smallest of smiles was tucked onto the corner of her mouth. “Emma…”

The sight had Emma bucking desperately against the button on the pillow. It hit her clit just right; a soft and cool wooden button with round edges that touched her perfectly. This punishment was so worth it as she saw the arousal in Regina’s eyes.

Emma shakily spoke, and though she tried to say Regina’s name, it was barely audible. Regina heard it anyway, and her eyes focused on Emma’s face. “If I come…will you…will you fuck me?” she asked.

A brow arched, and Regina’s eyes raked up and down Emma’s body as she pounded her hips against the pillow. It was clear that she’d like to do just that.

Finally, a smile spread across The Queen’s face as she grabbed at her own breast. Emma had nursed before they went to the party, but it was clear they were filling back up. She moaned, ignoring Emma’s question as a wave of pleasure obviously rolled over her.

The sight of it had Emma reeling, and she let out a cry as her peek began to quickly sneak up on her. She forgot what she had just asked and gained more purchase to finally get out this ache.

Regina knew she was being watched as she sped up her fingers, rolling them over her clit quickly, chest heaving. “Come with me.”

“Oh god…” Emma cried. She was so close. She felt the chaffing of her skin against the pillow, and didn’t care. She was grinding mercilessly, chasing her release, soaking the pillow in between her legs. She felt a hand grip the cheeks of her bottom, and it tipped her right over that edge. Her pleasure peeked, freezing her as she clamped her legs as tightly as they would go. And then she let out a cry, something in between a whimper and a moan, her hips rocking involuntarily as the first wave hit her.

She came against the fabric of the pillow, feeling it dampen more underneath her as her contractions made her hips hump against it in an unsteady rhythm. The hand that had pressed into her bottom was gripping tighter as she heard Regina come.

When she was finally spent, Emma slumped down against the pillow, but she was only able to catch the smallest of breaths before she was twisted around on her back. She was met by Regina’s eyes. They were completely lost in lust, black with animalistic energy as she dove two fingers into Emma’s swollen walls without warning.

“Oh! God…yes!” Emma wept. Her contractions from her first orgasm had barely slowed down, and now Regina was pulling more out of her mercilessly. Emma’s whole body responded. She wrapped her arms and legs around Regina like a reflex, gripping tightly.

“Is this what you wanted, my love?” Regina’s voice husked in her ear, low and feral, the epitome of sex.

“Y…yes,” Emma managed.

“I’m not bored,” Regina grunted as she pumped into Emma’s walls. “Are you bored?”

Emma found herself giving a laugh, remembering Ruby’s jibe earlier. “Fuck no,” she whimpered.

She felt Regina’s teeth come down on her earlobe and nibble hard. Emma whimpered as she began to rock her hips up against Regina’s hand. Regina’s fingers were attacking her walls with delicious abandon, the sounds of it echoing in their bedroom, wet and beautiful, only outdone by their panting.

Regina’s voice turned low and just slightly dangerous, but she kept enough of her lust in there for Emma to know that she was really fighting on the edge of losing it herself. It made her nearly wild. Regina dominating her felt absolutely incredible, but knowing that it was nearly breaking Regina’s resolve to do so, that she had to fight to not lose herself in her own pleasure, made it feel better. “If you come before I tell you to, you’ll wear your harness all night.”

Emma whimpered in response. She was so close to coming, had barely recovered from her last orgasm. How the hell was she going to pull this off with Regina’s fingers massaging her walls like this? She felt the tightness of her opening begin to wrap around Regina harder, and bit her bottom lip, willing herself to keep her orgasm away. The harness was probably the most fun Emma had ever had, but she had a feeling she’d be too exhausted to mess with it after this. Regina had bought it for her last birthday; a leather chastity belt with a vaginal plug and clit vibrator. It was amazing to be made to wear it around the house during punishments, have Regina turn the vibrator on whenever she pleased with a remote, making Emma collapse in her place.

Oh…shit.

The anticipation of having to wear it if she didn’t do what she was told was starting to do exactly what Regina knew it would: turn Emma on more. She nearly choked to swallow down the orgasm knocking, pounding in her tummy, and she felt herself begin to weep. There was only one way out of this sweet torture, and she’d better get to it before she earned herself absolutely no sleep.

“R’gina,” she sobbed out, pulling Regina’s face in front of her own with wanting hands on her cheeks. She gave her most intense puppy gaze, her bottom lip trembling. “Please let me come?”

Regina’s eyes darkened, if that were at all possible. They were already nearly black, looking down at Emma with what could only be described as fascination. But despite being on the edge of breaking, she managed a little grin. “Almost, sweetheart,” she murmured as she sped her fingers up, pressing them firmly against Emma’s upper wall as she exited.

Emma’s eyes rolled with the pleasure. “Can’t hold it.”

A kiss on her lips brought Emma’s eyes back into focus, and as Regina let go and they panted into each other’s mouths, she breathed out, “yes you can. You can do anything. My good girl…”

It was coming…Emma was about to explode. She needed to work fast. “Can’t…can’t hold it…please. Don’t make me…I need it…I need it…please let me.” When she didn’t get a response other than the assaulting rhythm of Regina’s fingers, she finally cried out: “Let me give it to you! I want you to have it. Please! Take it!”

Regina’s grin widened to an ear to ear smile. She leaned into Emma’s ear as she grabbed hold of Emma’s pussy hard with her fingers deep inside, hooking them against Emma’s spongy wall as her palm dug into Emma’s clit. “Give it to me, baby. Come for me.”

Emma let out a sigh of relief, but it only lasted a second as Regina’s movements caught her up in her release. Her hips came off of the mattress and rolled into the source of her pleasure. It met her with more ministrations, helping her ride out the peek that had just hit her. Each wave seemed to be stronger as Emma grabbed onto Regina hard, crying against her lover’s skin. Regina’s free hand came around her waist, holding Emma protectively, chanting encouragements in her ear as she rode out her orgasm.

It was so strong that it took a while to bleed away. And still, when she thought she was done, another contraction would hit her, and she bucked back up into Regina’s waiting hand.

“Mm,” Regina whispered in her ear as Emma finally began to calm down, and her hips lowering back to the mattress. “You got yourself all wet.”

Emma let out an exhausted laugh. “Me?” she breathed out, it barely audible with her overused voice.

Regina chuckled in her ear at her response. Emma felt kisses on her jawline, trailing down to her collarbone. She gave a timid whimper as Regina’s fingers exited her, and Regina cupped her sex protectively in response, rubbing ever so slightly to soothe that sound. They lay that way for a while as the two of them panted, catching their breath.

Eventually, Regina pulled away and got out of bed. She knelt down to the drawer underneath Emma’s crib and returned with a pack of baby wipes and lotion.

Emma watched as Regina smiled softly down at her, bringing a wipe to Emma’s opening.

Her hips jumped involuntarily at the touch, still sensitive and feeling the cold of the wipe. “Sshh…” Regina murmured, and Emma moaned and closed her eyes, willing herself to relax. Feeling a hand guiding her legs to open wider, Emma raised her knees and did so, giving Regina the access she needed to wipe her down. Regina took her time, patting the wipe over Emma’s inner thighs and then taking a new one to wipe up and down her opening, completely cleaning Emma before lotion hit her mound.

She opened her eyes slightly, eyes hooded with after sex and sleep, and watched as Regina spread lotion all over her privates. As she did so, she knelt down and kissed Emma softly. Emma caught her lips and moaned into Regina’s mouth as Regina’s practiced fingers massaged the lotion into her skin, all over her pelvis. “No rug burns for my Little One,” she murmured as she went over the skin Emma had rubbed nearly raw against her favorite pillow.

“Too late,” Emma chuckled.

Regina’s smile was soft. “God, you looked so beautiful,” she said in all seriousness, a shift in those big brown eyes, showing her awe. Playtime was definitely over.

Emma felt her cheeks heat at the sincerity, and she sighed with a smile. “Look who’s talking,” she gave the lopsided grin she knew Regina loved.

In response, Regina slumped down next to her, and gathered Emma in her arms. Their legs tangled together, and burying her face in Regina’s chest, Emma closed her eyes.

***

The sun could fuck right off, Zelena thought, as it came blazing into her face. The pleasant buzzing in her head from the night before had phased out, leaving a dull ache in its wake, one that made the light coming in from her window nearly unbearable.

Groaning, she rolled over and sat herself up. There was only one cure for a hangover, she decided, and though she heard August grumble at the sudden shift in the mattress, she ignored him to put on her bathrobe and go to the kitchen. As she glanced out the living room window, Emma entered Zelena’s mind. She doubted very much that the sun would have any bearing on melting the snow, but it would make for a nice day for Emma to play outside with her friends.

She considered going to keep Regina company, but hadn’t decided yet. Sometimes, Regina was happy for her company, and other times, Zelena felt that she just got on her sister’s nerves. If she herself was as cranky as she felt, she might not be very good company for Regina. Maybe she’d spend the day indoors reading a good book instead.

The idea appealed to her as she padded into the kitchen, opening the fridge to retrieve a beer. It would get rid of the pounding headache getting worse as the sleep left her.

“Bloody fucking hell,” she mumbled as she was greeted by nothing other than orange juice and some leftovers from Ruby’s work. The partygoers had completely tapped them out. Groaning, Zelena wobbled her way to the laundry room, where she kept a stash of wine. A nice merlot would go with the weather, she decided, and took it into the kitchen to pop the top.

Pouring herself a glass, she headed back into her room, where she knew it was considerably warmer than the rest of the apartment. She gave a fleeting look down the hall to Ruby’s room. Not a peep from it as opposed to her own where August was pleasantly snoring. The thought made her loath to go back and join him.

August always seemed much more appealing in the evenings than he did the next morning.

She sat up in bed and drank her wine as she looked up the news on her phone. Eventually, August stirred, and Zelena felt disappointment as she thought she had more time to herself. She held back her sigh as she looked down at him opening his eyes. He gave her that same blank expression that he usually did before realizing where he was, and then a smile broke out on his face.

Zelena couldn’t help it; she smiled back at him and reached down to rub his curly hair. If she could count the times August had come through for her, been there during difficult times…he was such a good guy. She was lucky, really.

But then he nodded towards the glass of wine in her hand. “Already?”

Her smile faded, and she looked away so that he didn’t see her eye roll. “Oh, piss off. It’s the best cure for a hangover.”

“Cheap wine is the best cure for a hangover? That’s a new one,” he said as he sat up and rubbed his face hard to rid it of sleep.

Zelena’s mouth fell open slightly, and she looked at him incredulously. “This is vintage from the Shenandoah Valley, I’ll have you know. Mother got it for me, and I doubt she even knows what ‘cheap’ is.”

He gave her a lopsided smile and leaned in to kiss her on the cheek. “Just teasing you,” he said, getting up out of bed and searching for his boxers and jeans that had been strewn all over the floor in another one of their drunken rampages.

However teasing it was, she wasn’t in the mood for this conversation. The idea of being alone in the house for the day was starting to sound really tempting. It could have been her headache, it could have been August, it could have been several things. But Zelena didn’t feel like analyzing any of that. It was her day off, after all.

August wordlessly got dressed at the same time Zelena heard familiar voices entering the hallway. The high-pitched tone of the innocent-looking girl that Killian and Ruby had invited to stay last night was more subdued, but she sounded nonetheless giddy from her experience. As Zelena sipped her wine, August went to join the others.

“Leaving so soon?” Zelena called to him.

August turned back around and gave her another grin, but she almost blanched at the look on his face. There used to be a spark there, used to be something more promising in his eyes as he looked at her. But a year into whatever it was that they were doing, and no movement forward, Zelena found herself falling prey to the same old story: he was tiring of her.

It was an epic poem she could recite by heart. Nobody stuck around for long. It wasn’t their fault; it took a while for people to realize her true nature, and once they got her number, their interest slowly faded into something of the past. But she couldn’t help that. What they wanted wasn’t something she could offer. She could never give them more. That wasn’t Zelena Mills, she reminded herself. She wasn’t ever going to be the doting girlfriend that waited for them to get home, the girl they lay down next to and gazed at the stars with while the two of them voiced their dreams of their future lives together. And they had known that getting into it. August certainly did. He knew that what they shared was nothing like a traditional relationship. At first, that had been fine. It was always fine, at first, she thought.

She’d never been able to stomach the idea of giving into all of that monogamy crap. Not after what she’d seen her parents go through. And maybe that meant she had more healing to do. But she couldn’t help any of that right now; she just wasn’t there yet. She’d yet to find someone she was willing to push passed it for.

She swallowed down the story quickly before her father’s face sharpened in her mind, and smiled back at August as he said: “Killian will make coffee. That’s sounds a lot better than what you’ve got in your glass right about now.”

And then there was that, Zelena thought. The new addition to her story. Well, newish. It hadn’t been such an eye sore in her twenties, and it wasn’t as big of a deal during the honeymoon phase of any of her relationships. But she and August had been doing this for over a year now; he knew her. And that meant he knew all of her vices.

But he also knew better than to push too hard, lest he wanted her to shut him out completely. Christ, she thought. She was more like her mother than she cared to admit.

 _Stop it, you git,_ she told herself. _You’re doing it again. You’re not at bloody work_. _And you’re certainly not your own patient._

She decided to roll her eyes at his remark and get up to join the crowd. Maybe he was right. Maybe coffee was a better idea. But in the back of her mind, she knew better than to think that idea would last.

The little imp of a thing that Ruby and Killian had treated last night smiled and blushed furiously at Zelena as she entered the kitchen. In response, Zelena gave her a winning smile and a wink. “Long night, then?” she asked Killian, giving the new girl a bit of space. She seemed shy, so Zelena left her to it. And young. Jesus, she thought. Ruby was practically robbing the cradle with this one.

Barely anyone spoke as Killian collected mugs and poured them all cups. He was wearing nothing but a pair of tight jeans, and his bare torso was covered in dark hair and creases from the mattress.

“Did you murder my girl?” Zelena asked as she nodded her thanks when Killian handed her a hot mug. “Or is she just trying to sleep off those fantastic noises I heard last night?”

“How would you hear anything over your own hyena cries?” Ruby’s voice finally entered into the kitchen, and the air in the room shifted instantly. The little sub perked up and smiled, Killian gave a laugh over his otherwise sleepy demeanor, and August ducked back to make room for Ruby beside Zelena.

That last part, that could have been Zelena’s imagination. She tried to think back: did August always make way for the two of them to be next to one other? Was it just this morning because he seemed annoyed by her? Why was it okay for her to be annoyed by him, but it hurt her when she could see the same of her in his eyes?

Again, she swallowed away the train of thought, and instead distracted herself by reaching up and ruffling Ruby’s hair. “Good morning, darling,” she greeted.

Ruby flashed her a little grin, but said nothing. Instead, she walked over to the new sub and chucked her under the chin, giving her a wink and a smile much like Zelena had done.

“I gotta go,” August said after a few moments, gulping down the rest of his coffee and putting the mug in the sink.

Zelena didn’t ask him why. August made his own schedule, and hardly ever worked on a Saturday morning. If he was making the excuse to duck out, it was because he wanted to leave, not because he had to. She wasn’t going to fight him on it. The prospect of being left alone with her thoughts still sounded good, as annoying as her thoughts were. They were still less headache inducing than August’s voice at the moment. Poor August…she’d feel better about him tomorrow. She always did.

“Yeah,” Killian stretched. “I’d better get going too.”

Zelena’s eyes flashed to Ruby, trying to decode the reaction to these words. As she suspected, Ruby’s features mimicked her own: Killian didn’t have to leave, but Ruby wasn’t going to ask him to stay either.

“I’ll drop you off, if you’d like?” Killian asked the sub.

She blushed, and nodded. She hadn’t said a single word the entire time she’d been in the kitchen, Zelena noted. Not uncommon of Ruby’s subs, and much more preferable to the chatterbox ones, especially with the hangover Zelena had. It was slowly ebbing away with the mixture of wine and coffee starting to run through Zelena’s veins.

As their houseguests left, Zelena let out an audible sigh of relief, but Ruby didn’t laugh like she usually did. Instead, she put her coffee mug down, and began to walk out of the kitchen. “I’m out of here soon too,” she announced, and Zelena ignored how much more it hurt to hear Ruby say it than August.

“What? Why?” she said, and followed Ruby down the hall.

“I’m helping Margot and Tilly in the café this morning, remember?”

“Oh,” was all Zelena said. All of her friends would be out there at the snow, then. She fought with herself again. Did she want to go? Dare she call her sister? Sleeping last night off sounded so good, but she could do that and still meet up later. Maybe? Watching Emma play always gave Zelena an air of calm. She looked so carefree, looked so in the moment. And then seeing her sister enjoying watching too.

August would kill for her Little Dove. It was his best quality, Zelena thought. They fought like cats and dogs, but that was such a mask for their loyalty to one another.

Did she want to go watch Emma…?

Through her decision making, she hadn’t noticed that Ruby had stopped mid-hallway, and was just standing there, giving Zelena a questioning stare.

Zelena stopped her hungover stream of consciousness, and eyed her back. “What?”

“You tell me, Doctor Mills.” The tone Ruby used sent a familiar flame alight in Zelena’s stomach, one that she hadn’t decided was pleasant or not. But whatever it made her feel, one thing was for sure: it had the power to shut all of her mind’s ramblings and just focus. Focus on the one demanding her attention. It was unsettling in so many ways, and not in others. Just because nobody had had the power to do that before didn’t mean that nobody ever would…right? Wasn’t it bound to happen at one point? But if so…why Ruby?

_Stream of consciousness again. Shut up, you twit._

Swallowing all of that confusion down, Zelena huffed and righted herself. Her head hurt too much to bother trying to psychoanalyze that one today. She was too busy figuring out what to do about August, she told herself.

But despite her wishes to completely ignore this other, much more complicated feeling, Zelena found herself facing it head-on. Her mind and body were acting far too slowly that morning, and before she knew what was happening, she was being pinned against the wall.

Ruby forced Zelena’s hands above her head, her wrists bumping unpleasantly against the dry-wall, and the rest of her body along with it. She let out a surprised grunt and tried to push off the wall with her hips, but Ruby had seen that coming. She shifted a leg in between Zelena’s, her body leaning forward to keep Zelena pinned.

None of this was the worst of it, Zelena thought. Not even the obscenely pathetic buzzing Ruby’s leg was causing, even though that was torturous, like being forced to freefall off a cliff. That moment of terrifying weightlessness as she felt herself dropping. Zelena hated it. She hated how freeing and good it felt, fucking loathed the power it had over her. Still, it wasn’t the worst.

The worst, the thing that melted her completely, was Ruby’s unabashed stare right into her eyes.

Zelena let out a shaky breath, and made her own eyes trail up towards the ceiling, avoiding the gaze. Avoiding this.

“Zee,” Ruby whispered, the sound of it sealing the emotions Zelena was trying so hard to keep at a distance right inside her chest.

And she wanted so badly to give in. _Fuck it all_ , she thought as she finally lowered her eyes and met the pleading look Ruby was giving her. Pleading for what, who the hell knew? For a split second, Zelena gave in to all inhibitions and just studied the grey of Ruby’s eyes, the slight bearing of her teeth behind her lips. For just a moment, Zelena entertained these feelings.

Wouldn’t it be wonderful, wouldn’t it be amazing, to just let the whole world go fuck itself, to let everything fall completely apart around them, and do exactly what those eyes were asking of her?

If only the world worked that way. She gave a little shake of her head, whispering back: “I can’t.”

She didn’t have the guts to look Ruby in the eye as she set it. Instead, she closed them tightly.

 _Stupid coward_ , she cursed to herself as she felt Ruby’s forehead meet her own. She melted against it for just the smallest of seconds, letting them touch, feeling the grip on her wrists loosen and Ruby’s thumbs rub small circles over her flesh. She heard the smallest sound come from Ruby’s mouth, saying so much more by its miniscule presence. A tiny mewl of pain, of longing, of everything that could melt someone that actually had a heart.

That little intake of breath, and then Zelena was alone.

She felt the absence deeply, coldness on her skin where Ruby had been. Finally able to open her eyes, she watched as Ruby walked briskly into the kitchen.

And as Zelena stood there, trying to pick her dignity up off of the floor, she heard the telltale signs of her wine being tossed down the drain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So about The Original: The plan was always, ALWAYS to eventually publish A Little Something New. The problem was time, and finding an editor I could trust. Then I got really invested in the sequel, and then I got a promotion, and it just slipped away from me. 
> 
> So here's the deal. I WILL repost A Little Something New. Keep this in mind: it's really unpolished. I haven't looked at it in months, and I don't have an editor checking my work. When I publish it, there's going to be some changes, but also just cleanup and making the plot tighter. I'm only going to publish it digitally, and it'll be extremely cheap. Like under five dollars cheap. Until then, I'll keep it up here, but give me a couple of days. 
> 
> I really, really love you all. Thank you so much. *Is it me, or is it really mushy in here all of a sudden?*


	3. Code Three

“Miss Ruby was quiet today,” Tilly said as she helped Emma lift up a snowball the size of both of their heads combined. They were about to put it on top of a much larger ball that they had packed on top of the hill, while Will gathered sticks at the nearby trees. He came galloping back with several in his gloved hands, scrutinizing his choices with a judgmental eye as he set them in a pile by their three sets of feet.

“This is all I could find,” he pouted. “Snow came too late this year.” They seemed scrawnier than he would have wished.

“It’s fine,” Emma shrugged. “They’ll work.” She wasn’t as concerned with the arms and hands since Mama had had the good sense to stop off at the arts and crafts store and get Emma certified Snow Man material: giant black cotton buttons, a scarf, and a top hat. She had even let Emma pick a few carrots to take downstairs to the park so she and her friends could choose which one to use for the nose.

She looked over at Mama, who was sitting on a bench not too far away with Will’s Daddy, Robin and Margot. She waved, and Emma waved back.

“She didn’t seem quiet to you?” Tilly said.

“Huh? Who?” Emma asked, looking back at their project.

Rolling her eyes, Tilly slumped her shoulders. “Miss Ruby!” she persisted.

It took a moment for the name to register with Emma, who was probably the only sub in Boston who didn’t address Ruby so formally. She tried to think back on the morning at Boston Coffee Party when they had all pitched in to help Margot and Tilly, but she’d been so busy helping out that she hadn’t been focused on Ruby’s behavior. That being said, it was odd that Ruby didn’t want to stick around to hang out with all of them in the snow. She didn’t work until later, but she had said she wanted to go catch up on some sleep before heading to the diner. That made sense to Emma, and she hadn’t thought much more about it.

Emma ultimately shrugged her shoulders in response. “It’s the day after Ruby Night. She’s probably just tired.”

“Well, I thought she was acting weird.”

Will let out a huge sigh and sagged his arms down dramatically. “Oh my gosh, can we talk about something _interesting_? Like, what are we gunna name the snowman?”

“He doesn’t have a head yet,” Tilly answered, as if that settled that it was way too early to be thinking about a name.

“Olaf,” Emma said.

“Olaf!?” Will’s mouth fell open and he gaped at Emma. “That movie is so stupid!”

Emma mirrored Will as her jaw fell down. Will could say a lot of things were stupid, but she wasn’t going to let him get away with saying it about Disney stuffs. “Is not!”

“Is so,” he insisted.

“Is not.”

“Is SO!”

“Will!” Robin’s voice boomed over their shouting, and all three of them jumped at the sudden intrusion of his voice. “Enough!” he called, and Will instantly fell silent and looked back down at his sticks.

“Great. Now I’m in troubles…” Will brooded, still looking down at the sticks at his feet.

Emma turned the corners of her mouth down in a deep frown and stared at the headless snowman. Not for the first time, she noticed how her friends’ Mommies or Daddies yelled at them a lot, but Mama never yelled at Emma. Even when Emma’s temper got the better of her, Mama always remained cool, calm, and didn’t bite the bait Emma cast her way. As she thought about it, she wiped her nose, which was burning worser than yesterday, and bit back the headache she felt.

“C’mon,” Will said, taking Emma’s hand gently. He smiled at her, a gesture of apology, and led her to a new patch of snow. “Let’s build the head. You get to pick which carrot we use.”

Tilly skipped beside them, and at first, they made the head way too big, and had to start over. But when they were done, they had a bonified, stick-armed, carrot-nosed, top hatted snowman. Tilly christened him Chester, and that seemed to go over well with the other two.

The building session eventually turned into a snowball fight. Will was quick to make himself a trench out of a thick layer of powder snow, and took on the two girls that used the surrounding naked trees for cover. In the last battle of the afternoon, the trench and trees were forgotten, and they faced each other head-on. Tilly and Emma ran circles around Will, who was a better shot than both of them, but outnumbered. He was clearly being careful not to throw them too hard, but he got Emma good a few times anyway.

Tilly took a large ball right in the neck, the slush dripping down into her jacket. She shrieked in laughter, jumping up and down at the freezing sensation. Emma responded by wrapping her up in a tight bear hug, which made them both lose their balance and fall into the snow.

Will, tears of laughter running down his face, gave them a moment to catch their breaths, and then turned towards the bench where their partners were sitting and talking. None of them were watching, so he took the ball he had in his hands and tossed it their way.

It was as if it was happening in slow motion. From her place on the ground, Emma saw the ball sail through the sky, and then split apart in a white cloud on top of Robin, the large remnants ricocheting off and covering Regina and Margot in huge puffs of snow.

“Run!” Will screamed, turning around and grabbing both Emma and Tilly to their feet. Emma scrambled quickly, nearly falling again in the process, and tried to gain traction in the snow.

“Will, you idiot!” Tilly cried as she ran hot on Emma’s heals.

Emma, being used to chasing down bad guys, was quicker than both of them, and sprinted towards Will’s homemade trench. As the three slid down to their bottoms, hiding behind the wall of snow and trying to catch their breaths, Emma closed her eyes tightly. Her nose was burning, but she willed away the feeling of the cold that was rearing its ugly head. It was easier to ignore earlier, but now that she was being so active, she didn’t feel so great.

“Oh man, oh man, oh man,” Tilly chanted worriedly. “We’re gunna be in so much troubles.” She smacked Will on the arm, who just laughed.

“Shush!” Emma hissed, hearing the telltale signs of footsteps in the snow. As if them being quiet would hide their whereabouts.

“Will?” Robin called, and Emma heard a playful glint in his tone.

“Emma?”

Uh oh. Mama.

“Emma? I’m lost. Come find me.”

Oh no, Emma wasn’t gunna fall for that old trick. Tilly hid her laughter in Emma’s chest.

An ear splitting shriek permeated from Tilly as Margot jumped out from behind the wall and grabbed her, pulling her away from Emma’s chest and wrapping her up in a hug and then planting a huge ball of snow right on the back of Tilly’s head. She yelled again and tried to get away, but Margot’s grip was too tight, and she kept running the snow down Tilly’s neck.

Emma reacted by trying to scuffle away, but found herself landing right into Mama’s arms, who gathered her up and sunk expert hands under Emma’s jacket. Emma squealed as cold fingers came alive against her skin and tickled her mercilessly. “No!” she yelped, trying and failing to get away as she was pinned into the snow and tortured. “Uncle! Uncle!” she laughed.

But Mama just laughed with her, and didn’t let up. “That’s not the safe word!” she said. Ultimately, she relented and helped Emma up. As she got to her feet, Emma saw Robin walking away with Will over his shoulder, cursing out his pleas before he was thrown into a huge puff of powder snow and followed with Robin on top of him.

Emma saw Mama’s face fall slightly as they finally got a good look at each other, and she brought a hand up to feel Emma’s cheek. Emma couldn’t imagine her skin was anything other than freezing, but Mama turned to look Margot’s way.

“I think we’re done for the day,” she managed to smile at them, but Emma heard a worried edge in her voice.

“Yup,” Margot agreed as she brushed snow off of Tilly’s jacket and jeans for her. “I’ve got to get this one home before we have an evening rush.”

Emma bit her lip stubbornly. “How come?” she asked.

“Because you are all very tired,” Mama smiled as she kissed Emma on the cheek. Barely feeling it over the freeze of her skin, Emma yielded and allowed herself to be led to say goodbye to her friends and walk hand in hand with Mama back up to their apartment. By the time they stepped out of the elevator on the tenth floor, Emma’s eyes were drooping, and her body felt like it hadn’t slept in weeks.

After sluffing off their thick outer layers, she was wordlessly led into the bedroom, where she allowed herself to be stripped of all her clothes. “Let’s take a bath,” Mama said in her most singsong voice while she worked to undress Emma. “And then we can rest for a little while.”

Emma narrowed her eyes. A bath sounded nice, but ‘rest for a little while’ sounded an awful lot like taking a nap. “Nuh uh,” she shook her head. “I wanna watch Frozen.” After spending the afternoon building a snowman, it seemed like the most reasonable way to finish off the day.

Her hand was taken and led into their conjoined bathroom. “We’ll talk about it after your bath, Emma,” was the only response. That gave her some time to negotiate, Emma thought, and she went through all of the viable arguments in her lexicon as Mama ran the bath, bubbles floating higher up to the lip as the tub was filled.

Mama handed Emma her rubber whale named Blaster as she sat in the tub. She rocketed him out of the water with sound effects to boot as she began musing out loud. “How ‘bout we watch Frozen, and because we’ll be laying there watching it, that’ll be just like a nap?”

“Will it?” Mama asked cheerily, busy soaping up a washcloth and rubbing it over Emma’s back. She felt the warmth go down her spine, and though it felt good, the headache Emma was fighting was starting to win more rounds than it was losing.

Emma tried to ignore it and nodded as she splashed Blaster onto bubble mounds throughout the tub. Mama didn’t argue, so Emma figured this was a good sign she was gunna be able to watch Frozen. She sniffled once more, and began to rub one of her eyes. Her head was hurting a lot more now, and she thought that closing her eyes sounded like a good idea, but she really, really didn’t feel like taking a nap. She just wanted to snuggle with Mama and watch her movie.

Once Emma’s bath was done and Mama dried her off, Emma eyed her suspiciously when Mama brought out her super warm jammies. “No nap,” Emma shook her head. “Remember? We’re gunna watch Frozen.”

But Mama’s eyebrows shot up, looking surprised. “Oh. Are we?”

“Well…yeah,” Emma said, a little upturn at the end of her sentence, because now that she thought about it, Mama hadn’t argued, but hadn’t said yes either. “Please?”

Mama’s smile widened. “We can watch Frozen. If…” she motioned for Emma to step into her jammies, so she did as she held Mama’s shoulders. “You take medicine and lay down with me.”

Emma’s mouth fell open. “Medicine? For what?!” she complained, rolling her hands into fists at her sides.

But Mama leaned in to peck her quickly on the lips and then tapped her nose. “To help that little sniffle.”

“Don’t needs medicine,” Emma whined, one of her fists coming back up to rub her eyes again. She felt Mama take hold of that hand and guide it into her jammie sleeve.

“It’s grape flavored,” Mama sung in a coaxing tone.

Emma peeked her eye open and gave Mama a suspicious look. Was it really grape flavored, or was it icky medicine grape flavored? You never knew with grownups. They liked how gross stuff tasted. That’s how Mama could eat a whole bowl of salad and still want more. Their taste buds weren’t trustworthy. But Emma knew if she wanted to get out of her nap, she’d have to do it. She grabbed Pankie and Fluffy Bear and they went into the living room, where Mama brought a bottle and a spoon out as Emma messed with the remote control to find her movie. Once she pressed play, the spoon was full and being coaxed into her mouth, Mama’s hand underneath it in case some spilled.

Emma took a huge breath in from her nose and closed her eyes tightly as she opened her mouth. She heard a chuckle from Mama as the spoon touched her tongue, and she felt thick syrup slide into her mouth. It didn’t taste much like grape. It was thick and had a weird metallic tang that made Emma cough a couple of times. Wasn’t it supposed to get rid of her cough? She opened her eyes to narrow them at Mama, but as she did, she saw another spoonful coming towards her mouth. “Two!?” she scoffed. She couldn’t believe it! Mama hadn’t said anything about _two_ spoonful’s!

A smile softened Emma’s incredulity just a bit, and when Mama leaned forward to place a tiny peck on the end of her nose, Emma relented and let the spoonful in. She was a little more prepared for the taste, and didn’t cough this time.

Mama sat down on the couch and grabbed Emma under her arms to guide her close. As they leaned back, Emma snuggled in closely, Pankie tucked into the bend of her arm, and her fingers caught hold of a button on Mama’s blouse to fiddle with it. As she sniffled once, Emma watched as practiced fingers undid the buttons of Mama’s blouse and unhooked the front of her bra. A smile tucked onto Emma’s lips through the headache she felt. Disney and milkies was pretty much the best ever.

Eyes on the movie as the first song started, a hand went to her cheek, cupping there and guiding her face just slightly forward. She felt the soft skin on the tip of her lips, and reflexively, Emma latched on to the offered nipple. She suckled once, tongue lapping gently at the peak, and a burst of warm milk hit her tongue.

“That’s my girl,” a soft whisper against her hair followed by a kiss. The arm that was around her was joined by the other that came down to her bottom, patting gently.

Emma was too distracted to pick up on the tactic, which she normally recognized right away as the secret weapon to get her to go to sleep. But even though she didn’t want to take a nap, she couldn’t bring herself to fight the soothing feeling. It just felt too good.

She’d just have to make sure she stayed awake so she could finish the movie.

The milk tasted like Mama smelled; like apples and cinnamon and other things that didn’t have a name because they weren’t like any other place or thing. She sighed around the nipple she was attached to as her fingers continued to twirl around the button of the blouse that also smelled like Mama. As the gates to the castle opened in the movie, Emma strained her eyes to watch. Her headache still hurt, but it was starting to feel a little better.

Still, the screen was getting blurry. She pivoted slightly so she could see better, but it didn’t seem to help. Her eyes were tired. She mewled her displeasure around the soft skin, and it was instantly vanquished.

“Sshh…” The pats against her bottom sped up just enough, hardened against it just enough…

“Close your eyes…” The voice felt like silk wrapping around her ears. As soft as the nipple she suckled. Her lips were losing their grip…

Before the next scene started, Emma was fast asleep.

***

Regina woke earlier than usual, still feeling restless from the night worrying over Emma’s cold. Emma had spent several days trying to convince everyone, including herself, that she wasn’t coming down with one. Yet, despite denying Regina’s assertion that she needed to rest up, she had fallen right into the trap that Regina told her she would: the cold was starting to slow her down.

Emma was rarely full-on sick. She did seem to have a gift for squashing little colds or flus before they turned into anything major. A few days of feeling mildly under the weather, and then she was back on her feet. Regina had marveled at this, especially when both of them had come down with a summer cold, and while Regina could barely get out of bed, Emma had bounced back in a day to take care of her. Emma just laughed it off, and said that it was a gift foster kids had: demanding that their bodies remain intact no matter what, because there wasn’t anybody to take care of them. Not to mention the vast amount of germs they were subjected to by being in such close proximity to a bunch of neglected, malnourished kids.

However, even though Emma had been doing a decent job of it, there were finally some signs that her body wasn’t going to tolerate the pressure anymore. If Regina hadn’t have interfered, she was pretty sure Emma would have run herself into the ground during her snowball fight last night and still dragged herself up and out of bed for work that morning. As it was, Regina was glad that Emma was going to be working from home, and decided she’d go to her court appointment and then come back to make sure Emma didn’t work too many hours that day.

Wanting to give Emma a few extra minutes of sleep, Regina went into the kitchen to make herself some coffee and Emma some tea. She knew Emma would throw a fit about drinking it instead of coffee, but she would just have to put her foot down.

However, a tiny wail permeated down the hallway, making Regina put everything in the kitchen down to hurry towards their bedroom. She knew that noise. She could pick any of Emma’s noises and tell exactly what they meant. And this one meant that all her plans had just changed.

She hurried into their room, and there was Emma, sitting up in bed, clutching Pankie in one hand and roughly rubbing her eyes with the other. As she hiccupped out little sobs, two sensations hit Regina at once. The first was a flurry of altered strategies for their morning, something she had grown accustomed to over the months of Emma’s unplanned regressions. The next was her insides turning to mush at the sight of her little girl in distress.

When Emma saw her mama entering the room, she noticeably amped up her cries, panning for sympathy as she jutted her bottom lip out. Regina couldn’t hold back her smile. “Hi babygirl,” she sung, coming forward and placing a kiss on top of Emma’s messy hair. “What’s the matter?”

Emma hiccupped again. “Dun feel goods,” she managed. Emma’s mouth formed around the words with the unpracticed tongue of a toddler, something that she was not prone to doing even when she was in Little headspace. Baby talk made her uncomfortable, she had admitted to Regina. It felt forced, unnecessary. But Emma regressed didn’t have the motor skills to talk properly, even though she tried. Baby Emma spoke differently, moved differently, thought differently. It was her Emma, but it was also a completely separate version.

However, if Regina hadn’t been able to spot a regressed Emma by now, she would have certainly known who she was dealing with by that admission. Not feeling well wasn’t information Emma would have given up so easily on a Monday morning when she had plenty of work to do, and had a dinner night planned out with their friends for the evening. Baby Emma, however, had no such responsibilities or plans.

“I’m sorry baby,” Regina soothed, sitting down on the bed and gathering Emma into her arms. Emma rested her head on Regina’s chest, sticking her thumb in her mouth and sighing as another hiccup escaped her.

Regina’s chest ached. Any other day, she would cancel her plans to go to the office, and stay at home with Emma. But she couldn’t cancel court. The case had already had two continuances. It wouldn’t bother her normally to get Emma a sitter and go to work, but when she was sick…well, that was harder for Regina to pull away from.

“It’s alright,” she crooned, rocking them. “Does your head hurt?”

Emma nodded, one fat tear falling down her cheek. Regina groaned in sympathy and pressed her cheek to Emma’s crown. “Okay,” she tore away to place Emma back on the mattress. Guiding her down, she brought the covers back over the body she could feel was running a slight fever. “Close your eyes. Mama will be right back.”

Emma did as she was told, and before leaving, Regina found Emma’s pacifier and replaced her thumb for it. Emma took the soother immediately, pressing Panky against her nose.

Grabbing her phone from the bedside table, Regina group texted Ruby, Zelena, Mary Margaret, and August.

**Regina: Code Three. Anyone available? I’ve got court all morning and she’s got a fever.**

Code Three had been implemented months prior, when it was clear that the regressions might not stop as quickly as they came. Regina and Emma were beyond lucky to have the support system they had, as all of their friends chipped in to help when it was needed. Even so, it didn’t make it any easier to leave Emma. In fact, Regina absolutely loathed the idea.

It had surprised Regina the first time she felt herself missing Baby Emma. Because she had come about from Emma’s trauma, the initial feelings had been worry and thoughts of a cure. But the reality was that whether or not the regressions would be around forever, she was a part of Emma, and she held a special place in Regina’s heart.

Sighing, Regina went into the bathroom to find the Tylenol Cold, but didn’t want to go for the Sudafed. The last thing she needed was a sick Baby Emma hyped up on drugs. Her phone buzzed as she hurried to get ready for court.

**Ruby: Can’t. Morning shift. Sorry Mama Bear. Tell her I love her.**

**Mary Margaret: I’ve got her. How long can you wait for me?**

Regina groaned. She was hoping Zelena could pull through for her. She didn’t want to give Mary Margaret germs while she was pregnant.

**Regina: You sure? I don’t want you getting sick.**

**Mary Margaret: I’m a second grade teacher, Regina. My immune system is impermeable.**

Regina had to laugh at that as Zelena texted that she had clients all morning and August offered to take care of all of Emma’s office responsibilities for the day.

**Regina: You’re all incredible. Love you guys. I’ve got to leave in forty-five minutes.**

**Mary Margaret: I’ll be there.**

After getting dressed and filling a sippy cup with water, Regina went to coax Emma awake, who rubbed her eyes hard and dove her face into Regina’s chest. Feeling the slight fever in Emma’s cheeks, Regina rubbed Emma’s back as she whispered. “I’ve got medicine for you.”

She sat Emma up, who looked at her with bloodshot eyes and her mouth partially opened so she could breathe properly. The paci had slipped from her lips earlier and she hadn’t bothered to find it again. As she brought the pills to Emma’s lips and helped her drink them down, Emma made a yucky face and closed her eyes tightly. Regina hated having to do it, but she knew they’d get rid of Emma’s fever and help her headache at the very least.

Regina started getting Emma’s changing items, as a regressed Emma wasn’t extremely trustworthy while sleeping. She seemed to be just fine in her waking hours, but Regina had learned pretty early on that during naps, it was best to keep her protected. Now that Baby Emma was sick, she’d need to keep her wrapped up in a diaper until her adult self was back. “Guess what?” she said as she laid Emma down and started to change her. “Mama’s got a surprise.”

Emma looked up at her hopefully. Regina took a still frame in her head. She loved that look of innocent wonder that was unique to Baby Emma. “What su-price?” she asked.

“MeeMee’s gunna come and spend some time with you,” she said as she pulled Emma’s pajama bottoms off her legs and unwrapped the diaper.

As she suspected, Emma’s brows furrowed, and she shook her head. Baby Emma loved Mary Margaret, or MeeMee for short since her full name was quite a mouthful for the toddler. However, the issue was not liking or disliking MeeMee, but Emma knowing that MeeMee ‘coming to spend time with her’ meant that Mama would be leaving. And a sick Emma was not going to like that idea one bit.

Immediately, tears began to fill in Emma’s eyes, and Regina felt that rope that this girl had wrapped around her heart tug painfully. “You’re gowing?”

Regina sighed as she taped the diaper snuggled around Emma’s hips, pulling Emma back up into sitting position and getting her pajama bottoms back around her waist. “I have to work this morning. But I’ll be back soon.”

Something like fear broke out on Emma’s face. “Dun wanchu ta go,” she cried, diving forward into Regina’s embrace. Regina caught her just in time, the two of them swaying backwards at the weight of it.

“I know,” she whispered against Emma’s hair, closing her eyes and savoring the feeling of having Emma against her. She was going to have to work twice as hard to keep her head in her case and not ache to be back in this bed all morning.

Emma’s fussing grew, a continuous stream of pleas leaving her lips until Regina lifted them both off of the bed and guided Emma to their reclining chair by the window. She cradled Emma’s head to her chest as they sunk down, shushing her Little One as Emma clutched her shirt and cried. Regina repeatedly wiped away falling tears with Pankie as she held Emma close, but her encouragements weren’t enough to calm either of them.

“It’s just for a few hours,” she promised. “I’ll be home before you know it.” Unbuttoning her blouse, she guided Emma’s lips to nurse, humming a soft tune to calm Emma’s fussing, kissing her forehead and feeling the fever already going down. It brought a smile to Regina’s face.

She continued to hold Emma when she was done nursing, and Emma’s hand clutched Regina’s blouse harder as they both heard the jingle of keys in the front door. She heard Mary Margaret call her name.

“We’re in the bedroom,” she called back, and Emma dove her face further into Regina’s chest.

Mary Margaret came in, her petite frame swelling with her sixth month of pregnancy. She and David hadn’t wasted any time; it was barely after their honeymoon that the two made the announcement.

“Hey,” Mary Margaret said quietly, approaching the recliner chair cautiously as Emma’s weeping started to pick up. “Hi Princess,” she said to Emma.

Emma peeked to look up, a little sob escaping her. “Hi MeeMee,” she answered in an upset whisper.

“It’s time, Emma,” Regina said against Emma’s hair.

“No…” the word stuck in Baby Emma’s throat and died in a high-pitched sob as Regina pried herself free and stood up. She hated every second of it. It felt like denying a part of her body to stay intact as Emma reached for her. “Mama!” Emma screamed and slumped back in the seat, diving her face in her hands.

“Oh, Emma…baby,” Regina started, but Mary Margaret knelt down and took Emma’s hand away from her face gently, kissing them.

“Come on, Emma. We’ll be okay just the two of us until Mama gets back. You wanna watch a movie?”

Emma ignored the question as she pried her hands away from Mary Margaret to reach out for Regina.

Regina couldn’t help it; she took one of those hands in hers. “I’m sorry, sweetheart. I don’t have a choice.” She felt the last word stick just like Emma’s were, and her eyes began to sting as she tried to keep her upset less palpable for Emma’s benefit.

“Regina, you’ll make it worse if you linger,” Mary Margaret whispered, Emma not hearing it over her cries. “Say goodbye to her and go quickly. I’ve got her. She’ll be okay.”

The smile she gave Regina was reassuring, but Regina felt anything but. She hated, absolutely _hated_ that she had to leave just then. When Emma regressed it was usually because she had been pushing something down, and the toddler came as a way to finally get her to give in to what she needed to give into. In this case, it was most likely her cold. Emma needed to slow down and just rest it out, and a part of her deep down knew that. The result was in front of Regina. The problem was that when Emma finally let go, it was in the hopes that she was going to be taken care of. And she was…but not by Regina. Not this time, anyway. And that killed Regina.

“You can turn on Frozen if she won’t sleep. It’s her favorite right now. She’ll pass right out,” she explained to Mary Margaret over Emma’s cries.

Mary Margaret smiled, trying not to laugh as she gave Regina a pointed look, expertly holding Emma’s reaching arms back at the same time. “Got it. Go.”

“There’s milk in the fridge. You can heat it up…”

“Yup,” Mary Margaret nodded as she rolled her eyes. “Know all that…”

“And keep her socks on, so her feet…”

“Regina!” Mary Margaret finally let out a laugh. “It’s not my first day here. Go!”

Regina stopped abruptly, feeling her words die on her lips. Mary Margaret was right. She didn’t have an excuse to stick around anymore. Swallowing the heavy sigh threatening her throat, Regina took Emma’s hand one last time and brought it to her lips to kiss it. “I love you.”

The words fell on deaf ears as Emma hid her face behind Panky and cried. Every step Regina took away felt like they burned her feet, but she made herself go. She’d return soon. Maybe Baby Emma would even still be waiting for her when she did.

***

It was nearly two o’clock when Regina finally got home, the warm air of the apartment hitting her. She heard the television at a low buzz, and after putting her things down, was surprised when she went to the living room to find the flaming red of her sister’s hair. Emma was sprawled out on top of Zelena on the couch, her thumb in her mouth as Zelena hummed a soft tune to her, and her feet laying in Mary Margaret’s lap.

Mary Margaret looked up as Regina entered and smiled, a finger pressed to her lips. She was massaging Emma’s socked toes gently just next to her baby bump. Frozen was on the screen, and Regina knew exactly what part and all of the lines from how much Emma had made her watch it. The music was always in her head.

“Hey,” she whispered, making Zelena look up and smile in greeting. Regina smiled back and reached down to comb her fingers gently though Emma’s hair. “She shouldn’t do that, you know. She’s got pacifiers.”

Zelena scoffed quietly. “What good is being an auntie if you can’t spoil your niece?” she whispered.

“When did you get here?”

“About an hour ago,” Zelena looked at Mary Margaret and winked. “I figured I’d help MeeMee after my clients. Can’t be easy carrying that belly around and taking care of a full-grown, sick toddler.”

Mary Margaret chuckled as Emma stirred from the whispers. She let out a little whimper, prompting Zelena to shush her. “You’re alright, darling,” she soothed in Emma’s ear. After a moment, Emma was still against Zelena’s chest again.

“She’s been going in and out of sleep.” Mary Margaret worked slowly to get herself up, sliding Emma’s feet gently from her lap and having Regina help her off the couch. “Wakes up long enough to see you aren’t here before she starts crying. She got a little better when Zee showed up. We managed to get her back to sleep before she gets too worked up. Once, she actually woke up normal, but that lasted just a few minutes.”

“Sorry if she was a handful, MeeMee,” Regina smiled through her guilt. She still hated that she’d had to leave.

“She was an angel,” Zelena murmured into Emma’s hair, kissing her on the top of her head. Emma turned her face into Zelena’s chest and nuzzled there, sighing in her sleep. Regina felt her heart melt.

“She was fine,” Mary Margaret shrugged good-naturedly. It was rare to see her in any other form. “It was good practice. I mean, it’s still a little weird to see her like this,” she gazed down at Emma in Zelena’s arms, and Regina noted a little sadness in Mary Margaret’s eyes as she did. “But I still know her so well, it’s easy to know how she ticks. If that makes sense.”

“Yes. Makes perfect sense.” If there was anything Regina could relate to with Mary Margaret, it was that statement. Emma was still Emma. Didn’t matter how old.

“I’ve gotta go,” Mary Margaret said, breaking Regina out of her reverie. “Dinner tonight with the clan. David’s cooking pot roast, though all this baby wants these days are breadsticks, pickles, and ranch dressing. I take it you will have a raincheck?” Mary Margaret asked.

Monday nights were “family nights” with their group. Stemming from Ruby, Mary Margaret, and Emma’s tradition of having dinner together when they were roommates, it had been put on hold last year when so many things had been happening in all of their lives. But once their world began to calm down, they had all made a pact to get together as many Mondays as possible and have a potluck dinner. This particular evening, it was David and Mary Margaret’s turn to host. Emma had been looking forward to it, but Regina was going to keep her home. She needed to rest.

“Yes. I’m going to let her sleep for as long as she can. Thanks again, Mary Margaret. You’ve saved me for the thousandth time.”

“Oh, don’t,” Mary Margaret made a gesture as if she was tossing something away, and then looked down at Zelena. “You’ll be there?”

“’Course,” Zelena whispered, never taking her eyes off of Emma’s sleeping frame. “Ruby and I will show up at about five.”

“She’ll need more medicine and something to eat soon,” Mary Margaret said as she kissed Regina and Zelena goodbye. She brushed Emma’s hair and kissed her too.

Once Mary Margaret was out the door, Regina turned the television off as Zelena began to rouse Emma. “Hey,” she coaxed, and Emma stirred. “Wake up, Little Dove. Mummy’s here.”

A little hum escaped Emma’s lips, and Regina heard the stuffiness of her nose. It was definitely time for Emma to take more medicine.

Emma’s eyes focused, and she blinked heavily. “R’gina?” she muttered, looking up with bleary eyes that went from Regina to her sister.

A little pin prick hit Regina’s chest. She’d promised Baby Emma she’d be home soon. She was hoping that little girl would still be around to see that promise come true. Still, seeing Emma at all made her happy. She smiled. “Hey, baby.”

“W’happent?” Emma mumbled, as Zelena began to sit them up.

“Just a Code Three. Mary Margaret and Zelena were here to watch you.”

Emma made a grunt of comprehension, and looked up at Zelena before she fell back against her, wrapping her arms around Zelena’s middle and nuzzling in as if she were a body pillow. She had apparently decided that she’d been awake long enough.

Zelena let out a little laugh, and continued to stroke Emma’s hair. “She’s knackered. Poor kid.” Looking at Regina, she grinned. “I think you need to change her.”

Nodding, Regina let Emma sleep against Zelena again while she went into the kitchen to grab the cough syrup. Bringing it back to the couch, they tried waking Emma again. This time, they got a different reaction, and the surprise wasn’t an unpleasant one. Maybe Regina would be able to keep her promise after all.

Emma’s eyes opened, but they were a little wider, a little less thoughtful and concerned with where she was. She looked to the one holding her, and then her eyes fell on Regina. A huge smile spread across her face, and she reached her arms out to be held. “Mama…we washed Frwozen,” she slurred sleepily.

Letting out a laugh, Regina knelt down to give her a kiss on her cheek, and tucked a lock of Emma’s hair behind her ear. “Is that so?”

“Uh huh,” Emma nodded slightly.

“Were you a good girl for MeeMee and Auntie?”

“Uh huh,” Emma repeated as Zelena began to sit them up again.

“She’s always good for her Auntie ZeeZee, aren’t you Little Dove?” Zelena cooed, brushing Emma’s cheek with the back of her knuckles affectionately. Emma’s eyes drooped, and her thumb found her mouth again.

Regina’s hand went up to gently take Emma’s thumb away. “Let’s have our medicine,” she whispered.

Emma slowly did as she was told, but before Regina could bring the spoon to Emma’s lips, she announced: “Mama, I want milkies please.”

Regina smiled. The last thing that had happened before she had left Baby Emma was wishing she could take all the time in the world to wrap Emma up in blankets and nurse her back to health. Now she would finally be able to do so.

“After your medicine,” she reasoned, bringing the spoon full of cough syrup to Emma’s lips.

It was taken without a fight, along with the second. “Good girl,” Regina praised, taking the medicine back to the kitchen. She let Emma nap while she heated up some chicken noodle soup. Bringing it back to her sister, she saw she was still holding Emma up, Emma asleep on her chest again. “Can you try and get her to eat this? I want to change out of court clothes.”

Emma’s eyes popped open then, and her arms shot out, making grabby hands. “Mama…milkies please.”

Zelena snorted out a laugh as she held Emma up. “You’ve spoiled this one,” she teased Regina. Looking back at Emma she said, “Mummy will be back in just a second, Dove.”

But Emma, still half asleep, fussed, trying to wiggle out of Zelena’s lap. Getting on her knees, Regina took hold of the hands reaching for her and kissed Emma’s knuckles. “You eat five bites, and Mama will be here once you are done.”

Emma tried to fuss again, but Zelena put to work her no nonsense tone. “None of that. I’ll count,” she said as she dove the spoon into the chicken noodle soup. She blew on it as she held the spoon to Emma’s mouth. “You eat. Ready?”

Emma rubbed her eyes with her fist as Zelena looked at Regina. “You go.”

When Regina came back a few minutes later, Emma’s face was pressed into the nook of Zelena’s neck, letting out a little whimper as Zelena tried to coax a bite of soup into her mouth. Smiling, Regina took the spoon carefully from Zelena’s hand and called to Emma with a soft voice.

The sound of her mama’s voice made Emma untuck herself from her auntie, and she closed her mouth around the spoon slowly.

“That’s five,” Zelena smiled, pressing a kiss to Emma’s temple.

“Good girl, Em,” Regina praised as Emma fell back against Zelena and practically fell asleep sitting up. Regina chuckled as she and Zelena helped coax Emma to her feet.

“Say goodbye to me, Dove,” Zelena ordered as she grabbed Emma’s cheeks and kissed them both. Emma giggled and dove her face into Zelena’s chest. Catching her, Zelena hugged her goodbye. “Be a good girl for Mummy. I’ll see you soon.”

Emma usually was very unhappy to see her auntie go, but was so tired and happy that her mama was home that she only said goodbye sleepily and then reached her arms out again for Regina to hold her. She refused to walk herself, so Regina hoisted her up and was able to carry her into the bedroom.

Before anything, she laid Emma down on their bed and fetched her changing items. Putting the changing pad under her, Regina lowered Emma’s pajama bottoms and untapped her diaper. Emma’s eyes closed again as Regina cleaned her up and taped her into a new diaper, and once she threw the wet diaper away and washed her hands, she coaxed Emma back up and guided them to their chair.

Regina ran her hands through Emma’s hair and kissed her forehead, sighing in content. For a little while, Emma rested against Regina’s chest, her thumb in her mouth, but not suckling as she snoozed. Regina just watched her, continuing to comb through her hair, taking in the peaceful face that the glow of the short day’s sunset highlighted. Eventually, the discomfort in her breasts got the better of her, and Regina called Emma back to consciousness.

Emma’s eyes opened slowly, and she grimaced as she took her thumb out of her mouth. Licking her lips, she blinked with furrowed brows at her thumb, making a face until she finally looked up. “R’gina…” she slurred.

Regina couldn’t help it; she chuckled as she leaned down to kiss the tip of Emma’s nose. Emma had only done this once before during that summer cold: been so exhausted that she was sliding in and out of her regression, and she hadn’t been feeling well then either. Another little pattern to add to their regression journal.

Over the months, there had been numerous attempts to jog Emma out of her toddler state of mind, all to no avail. But Archie encouraged them to keep trying, so Regina worked with Baby Emma whenever she could, coaxing her to answer questions, trying to tell her about memories only adult Emma might have. So far, it hadn’t worked, but they were diligent about looking for patterns, running drills, and trying to decode this part of Emma’s personality.

“Hey, baby. Welcome back.”

“Was I…?”

“All morning,” Regina nodded.

Emma groaned. “I had so much to do…” her words were starting to form better now.

“The only thing you have to do,” Regina said as she began unbuttoning her blouse, “is rest until you feel better.”

Emma groaned, but gave a little smile, looking up sheepishly. “’m sorry for pushing myself,” she said. “I just didn’t want to be sick.”

“I know,” Regina’s smile spread as she released her breasts from her bra. She groaned a little as they dropped, making Emma’s eyes dip down to them. “You’re my little fighter,” she whispered sweetly, pressing her lips to Emma’s forehead. “Let’s nurse.”

Emma latched on, her stuffy nose making it hard for her to breathe, but she managed to suckle. Relief of finally having Emma in her arms had Regina pulling her closer, patting Emma’s diapered bottom. “Let’s keep this on today,” she whispered. “Just in case. And you’ll sleep in the crib for the afternoon.”

Predictably, Emma made a noise of discontent as her eyes sharpened. She’d been slipping as she nursed, but the news that she was to lay in her own bed was the last thing that would relax her. She was about to unlatch and protest, when Regina raised her brows and gave her a pointed look, shushing the grunts of unhappiness down. “None of that. We’ve talked about this,” she said. “Little girls need their own beds.”

Adult Emma, she knew, really didn’t like this rule. But Regina’s logic behind it was hard to argue with. Baby Emma was very attached to her mama. Of course, that was to be expected of toddlers. But unlike adult Emma, who could separate things in her mind, Baby Emma needed to learn just a little more independence. Honestly, if it were up to Regina, she wouldn’t care if Baby Emma stayed by her side every moment she was around. But the reality was she couldn’t, and giving her as much independence as possible empowered Emma to be able to handle the fear that they all had that one day, Emma was going to regress with absolutely nobody around to watch her.

Regina had run drill after drill with Baby Emma, they had so many safety measures in place in case it happened, but running pretend scenarios was very different from the reality of it. If ever actually put in that position, Baby Emma could panic, not know what to do, get lost, or hurt. The possibilities were endless.

Forcing herself to break out of that nagging worry, Regina smiled down at Emma now, whose eyes were closing slowly as the medicine started to kick in. Her second breast was just about empty as Emma’s suckling slowed to a snail’s pace, and her body began to melt into putty in Regina’s arms. Regina placed her fingers in between her nipple and Emma’s lips to detach her, brushing Emma’s cheek. “Hey,” she called softly.

Sunken green eyes peeked open slowly, and for a moment, Regina didn’t know which Emma she had in her arms. “Time to go back to sleep,” she kissed the top of Emma’s head, who nuzzled her nose against Regina’s bare chest and grumbled.

“Please let me sleep in the big bed?” she asked, her voice adult but bordering on her Little One.

But Regina knew this tactic well. Smiling, she tucked her hands under Emma’s arms and helped guide her up. On their feet, Emma nearly fell back against her with drowsiness. She wrapped her arms around Regina’s neck and whimpered against her ear. “Please, Mama…?”

Chuckling at the pleading tactic, Regina guided them the few steps to the crib, where she unhooked the front gate and helped Emma in. “Lay down, darling,” she ordered gently. Emma did as she was told, but her breathing was painted with those little whimpers. Regina fetched Pankie and Emma’s favorite green paci. Leaning over the railing, she gave Pankie to waiting arms, and coaxed the nipple into Emma’s mouth. “Close your eyes,” she said, seeing that Emma was watching her intently, hoping her mind would change at any moment, but knowing her fate was sealed for the time being. Still, Regina stayed with her, draping a blanket over Emma, and rubbing her back as she hummed a tune to soothe her.

“That’s my good girl,” she praised as Emma’s breathing evened out, and weren’t colored as often with little whimpers. “I’ll wake you in a few hours. Mama will make you soup, and we’ll cuddle and have story time.” Bringing her hand down to pat Emma’s diapered bottom, she watching as the suckling of the pacifier began to slow as she narrated their evening to lull Emma back to sleep.

***

Zelena had already said her goodbyes, but Ruby and Mary Margaret weren’t finished. She watched from the sidelines as Ruby held the swollen belly in her hands, bending down and talking to the baby. She told him that she would be back soon, that she loved him, and that Auntie Ruby would bring him all sorts of pickles next time.

August, Killian, and David finally broke up the scene as all three exited onto the front porch. Killian and David did that macho man hug thing that always amused Zelena, and August settled for a closer handshake.

“Please bring back that casserole next week,” David turned to her, grinning goofily in his food coma. “I’ll have dreams about it.”

Zelena perked herself up, tearing her eyes away from hands on a pregnant belly. “I stole it from my sister, but don’t worry, I’ll tell her to make it next time,” she answered back.

Ruby laughed. “She isn’t lying. She stole that from Regina’s fridge this morning.” Looking back at Zelena, Ruby gave her one of those toothy grins of hers. “Did she ever call you and complain?”

Zelena gave a wicked grin back. “With a sick Emma on her hands? She hasn’t even noticed it’s gone.” Though she couldn’t wait for the ear-splitting call once her sister realized it was. It was going to be hilarious.

It took a few more minutes to pry Ruby away. Walking to the car, August gave her a cautious smile, and asked: “early morning tomorrow?”

This was code for did she want him to come over for the night. She sighed inwardly. She didn’t want him to come over, was far too tired to entertain him, but she also hated seeing that little bit of hurt behind his eyes before he covered it up with a smile. But going home alone was the lesser of two evils, and she shook her head. “I’m knackered, Auggie. Maybe later.”

There it was. That little moment before he righted himself. Christ on a cracker, what the hell was she going to do? She knew what she _should_ do. She should make a clean break. But a clean break seemed an impossibility when she didn’t even have her mind made up about her feelings for him.

Did she love him? Yes. She did. He had been good to her. Really good to her. He was one of Emma’s best friends, and whether or not that should have any bearing on her feelings for him, it did. He was going to be in her life no matter what, because she’d be damned if she was ever going to keep away from Emma to avoid him.

But they weren’t together, together. Never had been. What, were they supposed to do this forever? Of course not. So they couldn’t do this just to be polite. She couldn’t do this just to avoid an awkward situation.

But they were adults, yeah? Fuck that awkward bullshit, just because they would break up didn’t mean they couldn’t be friends. They absolutely could. But did she really want that? Was she really planning on severing what they had together? What was she expecting to do if she broke up with him? She’d miss the shit out of him. Wouldn’t she?

“Suit yourself.” His words made Zelena start, and she cursed herself under her breath again. This stupid head of hers. Wouldn’t it ever just shut up? “I’ve got a date with an Xbox controller. Night ladies.”

She climbed in the car, Ruby starting the engine and they headed out onto the road. Everything outside the windows was white and black, like an old movie.

“Sometimes I wonder what exactly having a date with a video game controller really means. And then I wonder if I really _do_ want to know,” Ruby mused next to her. Then in a much different tone: “You just gunna avoid him forever?”

That strange sensation of her gut freefalling for an instant before righting itself kept Zelena from answering right away. _Jesus Ruby. How do you always know?_

Fuck it. At least she didn’t have to exhaust herself by denying the allegation like she would have with anybody else. She didn’t have to do that right now. Not with Ruby.

“I don’t know,” she whispered, keeping her eyes focused on the passing lines of the lanes, screaming yellow over the black pavement.

“I don’t know either,” Ruby said with a little sigh, and Zelena didn’t have to ask what or who she was talking about. It was funny to be on different boats but on their way to the same island: relationships that weren’t really relationships but weren’t really friends with benefits either because it felt like a breakup to end it and it was going to hurt.

It wasn’t funny, really.

“He’s good to me,” she said finally. Because that was all there was to say. It was the truth. It was real. But it wasn’t enough. She thought it had been at first. Hadn’t experienced anything stronger before. Who’s to say an emotion isn’t strong? The answer was only herself…much later…when she finally did feel something so goddamned impactful that it nearly broke her right in two. But god damnit, that something she just couldn’t touch. No way. What for? So she could find herself right back in this same place a year or two later, the inevitable hurting so much more than any other time before? She couldn’t risk it. She couldn’t lose her. She couldn’t…

“But?”

Zelena’s breath caught in her throat. “But he knows as well as I do. It’s…” It’s not anything. It never fucking was anything. No more than Ruby had anything with Killian. But that was because Ruby…was Ruby. So what, Ruby was going to stop being Ruby? For _her_?! Zelena had never, ever been that lucky or special.

Turning right to get on the highway, Ruby kept her voice level, never once changing the tone of the conversation. “Well if you both know it, then what’s stopping you from saying it out loud, Doctor?”

There was a strange inflection in the way it sounded, perking Zelena’s interest. She turned to follow the nuance, and verified her suspicions. A tear ran down Ruby’s face, silent and twinkling from the reflection of the streetlights on the overpass.

It incited such a strong memory that it felt like a bullet was plunged into Zelena’s chest. She’d been drunk, but she’d worked so hard afterward to memorize every gesture, every feeling, every influx of Ruby’s voice as they lay there afterward.

Maybe it didn’t matter if she went for it. Maybe it was already too late. Maybe if she didn’t play her cards right here, she’d lose her anyway.

Jesus Christ…

Ruby’s hand was on the gear shift, and it felt so instinctual for Zelena to reach for it, cover it, squeeze it with her own. As if that could fix this. Fix all of this. “The same thing that’s stopping you,” she managed, even though the last word stuck in her throat. “Ruby…” she murmured.

But Ruby just slipped her hand out from under Zelena’s grip, quickly swiped it over her cheek to hide the evidence, and drove on in silence.

When they finally reached their apartment, Ruby made no move to follow Zelena inside. She turned, crouching back down into the cab of the car, and gave Ruby a questioning look. “You coming?”

Ruby shook her head. “I’m going out.”

That freefalling sensation again, only painful. A visceral reaction that she hated herself for feeling. If only she could feel absolutely nothing at all. “Out? Where?”

Ruby’s expression shifted from panic, to fake amusement, and she feigned a laugh. “I’ve got some hunting to do, Doctor.”

For a long moment, chaos went through Zelena’s mind. Ruby seemed to be going out a lot lately, she thought. Even by Ruby’s standards, she’d been out at all hours of the night, almost every night. And all of these nights, Ruby hadn’t brought a single sub home. More than that, she was back before morning. So she wasn’t sleeping at the sub’s; Ruby never left a sub at night after they Played. Was she just striking out? Was there something else going on? Was Ruby really going out to Play, or was she avoiding Zelena?

In a crazy, fucked up way, it felt reassuring: Ruby didn’t know what to do about this either.

“See you later, then,” she forced a smile. What else could she do? Ask Ruby to stay? What good would that do her? What incentive could she offer?

Ruby’s eyes flickered. A split second of disappointment. And fuck, Zelena felt it too. But in the end, she waved, and shifted the car into gear. “Turn the heater up for me so I don’t freeze my ass off coming in, will you?” she jabbed playfully before driving off.

Back down the blackened road she went. Zelena screamed for her to come back, even though she stood silently, holding composure, before she finally turned to go inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't sleep last night because I was so excited to be back, and also had a strange craving for Golden Grahams. So I ate an entire box while editing and writing. 
> 
> Random factoid of the day.


	4. Play

By Wednesday, Emma’s stuffy nose had disappeared, but her headache still held enough presence for Regina to put her foot down and tell her to keep resting. By Thursday, it was gone but Regina insisted she not give herself a relapse. By Friday, Emma was dying of boredom.

It got to the point that even Regina was begging Emma go back to the office instead of working from home, and Emma was more than happy to oblige. She needed some fresh air and to be on her feet.

She spent the day following up on a few loose ends around town, and getting her desk organized with new paperwork in the office. Still full of bundled up energy, she nearly burst with excitement when she received a text from Anna.

**Anna: I’m back! I got you presents! Wanna go to The Playpen?**

For some reason, Anna referring to The Dungeon as The Playpen always made it sound more appealing. Emma and Regina rarely spent time outside of The Playpen at the club anymore, so Emma was able to focus her energy just on that as oppose to the rest of the goings on, including the cages, the dancing, the people walking on all fours with leashes, and more. Emma didn’t mind those things. At this point, she was more or less desensitized to them. But she did have to admit that when she was Little, they were all a bit overwhelming.

However, nothing overwhelmed or intimidated Little Anna. She came screaming into the pen that night with a whole bag of things, shouting over all of the music and other playing Littles, hair done up in braided pigtails and lips painted pink.

“They have the biggest toy store ever!” she squealed, stuffing a little bag that read “FAO SCHWARZ” in Will’s hands. He was dressed in a frog onesie that evening, and Emma wondered just how many different animal pajamas he owned. He threw his frog hood over his forehead, giving himself giant embroidered eyes, and started opening his gift.

Tilly shyly opened hers, and Emma unwrapped her own plastic bag to find that she had received a new coloring book filled with pictures of New York, and a medium sized stuffed bear with the Statue of Liberty crown on its head.

“The lady at Liberty Island told me that the seven spikes on her crown stand for the seven oceans and the seven continents,” Anna said importantly.

“What lady?” Will asked, and Anna rolled her eyes to emphasize that out of all of the things he could have asked about New York, this thing was the stupidest.

“The one whose job it is to tell tourists stuffs about Lady Liberty!” she said.

“Thank you, Anna,” Tilly said as she clutched her gift.

“Come on!” Anna insisted, grabbing Emma’s hand. “Give those to your Mama so we can go see the fish!”

Emma brightened at that idea. The bar in the front of The Dungeon was a giant fish tank, illuminated with amazing colors and filled with fish that could put those colors to shame. She never tired of seeing it. They left their two friends to head towards Regina and Elsa, who were in a conversation with a few other Doms and Caregivers that had gathered at a table in the corner of The Playpen.

Mama smiled down at the items Emma showed her. “Did you thank Anna?”

Emma nodded.

“Miss Regina, can you hold onto those while Emma and I go see the fish?”

Emma could see by the way Mama’s eyes shifted that she didn’t care for this idea at all, but before she could say anything, Miss Elsa jumped into the conversation.

“Anna, I don’t think you and Emma going to the bar on your own is a good idea.”

Emma swallowed her disappointment, though she wasn’t at all surprised by the answer. It was incredibly rare that the Littles left The Playpen without an escort; there were far too many distractions and ways for them to get into trouble without somebody putting them in check. One time, Anna, Emma and Tilly had used the buddy system to go to the bathroom, and Anna thought it would be funny to collect as many paper towels as possible into the sinks and soak them with water and soap. This plan had just barely made it to fruition when a particularly annoyed club-goer recognized them, and marched them back to The Playpen, telling their Mamas all about the trouble they’d gotten into. Anna told Emma later that she’d received “the punishment of a lifetime” and that she couldn’t play for a week.

But Little Anna’s memory wasn’t jogged in that moment, and she slumped her upper body dramatically in a show of how incredibly unfair this all was. “But we just wanna see the fish!” she whined.

“How about one of us go with you?” Elsa offered, but that just seemed to make Anna’s pouting worse.

“No way!” she shook her head vehemently. “You always tell me not to look so close or put my fingers on the glass and then you try to hold my hand and you’ll just take all the fun out of it!”

Emma realized that as she was watching the exchange, she had been slowly shifting her body to lean on her Mama. She felt an arm go around her waist, and Emma responded by tapping her teeth with her pointer finger as she watched the negotiations. Mama dipped her head down and their foreheads touched. Immediately, the club around her and the negotiations melted away, swallowing Emma into a warm, comfortable world where only she and her mama existed. She was glad of it too. The way Anna sometimes spoke to Miss Elsa made Emma think that if she ever spoke to Mama like that, she’d be really, really sorry.

Emma saw Elsa’s eyes shift to Regina, and they shared a glance before Elsa sighed. “Okay, but listen to me,” she raised her voice as Anna perked back up and started bouncing up and down in excitement. She stilled with the words. “Go over there, look at the fish, and I don’t want to hear about any problems. And I _will_ hear about it, Anna,” she warned.

Pulling their foreheads apart, Emma saw Mama give her a smile, but she recognized a hint of apprehension behind those dark eyes. Emma knew Regina struggled with being too protective, even when she wasn’t Little. It was something that in her older mindset, Emma actively sought to soothe in her partner. While she was in her current mindset, however, Emma was usually far too shy to venture far away from those protecting arms. But with Anna at her side, she figured she’d be okay.

“Be a good girl, and you come right back if you feel unsafe,” Mama whispered, and before Emma could reply, she felt her hand being tugged. They were off sooner than Emma had prepared for, but Anna’s mind was always two steps ahead of the current moment, and there was always an urgency in her movements.

“So,” Anna whispered conspiratorially as they were halfway to their destination. “What are you drinking?”

Even over the loud music, Emma could pick up on the tone in Anna’s voice, and noticed that despite her very grownup question, her tenor hadn’t changed at all. It sent a strange sense of danger through Emma’s chest. Emma could count on one hand how many times she and Regina had spent any time with Elsa and Anna as just four adults. One time they had had dinner with a few other mutual friends, and another had been when they were all at Boston Coffee Party helping Margot and Tilly set up. In those times, it was completely normal that Emma and Anna would partake in more adult activities such as drinking or making decisions about plans. However, during their visits to The Dungeon, where the time was spent in The Playpen, exchanging toys, Caregivers fussing over whether or not their clothes were on straight or if they had lost their pacis, this was clearly not to be expected.

Emma felt the fight within herself: conspire with Anna, or double-down on the rules set in place by their Mamas. “Not s’posta,” she answered quietly, her voice lacking any type of assertion as she mulled the idea over in her head.

“They’ll never know,” Anna linked their arms together.

Emma looked uncertainly at the bar that was fast approaching. “They’ll smell it on our breath, though,” she reasoned.

“I’ve got that covered,” Anna said, reaching into the pocket of her blue skirt and pulling out chocolate.

Finally, Emma smiled, starting to be convinced that this trick might actually work. “I missed you,” she giggled.

Anna widened her eyes playfully. “I know. Next time, we all four should go on bee-kay-shun together.”

Emma’s brain immediately filled with a trip to Disneyworld, which was probably the best place for Anna to find endless amounts of trouble for them to get into. But her mind slowly worked back to the task at hand when the brightly lit aquarium bar came into view. Crowds of clubgoers were blocking a lot of it, but she and Anna slid around shoulders and hips to sneak up to the front. Anna scurried onto a stool as Emma leaned down to watch the fish, trailing a bright blue one with her finger.

Anna ordered them one shot of tequila a piece and they chatted about what fun they’d have if they got to go to Disneyworld together. But Emma jumped when she felt a hand on her head at the same time she had slammed the shot of tequila down. She turned to see Ruby, and for a panicking moment, Emma didn’t know if she should be relieved it wasn’t Mama or worried that she’d be told on.

Ruby gave Emma a bright smile, but narrowed her eyes when she looked at Anna. “What are you two up to?”

“Hi Miss Ruby!” Anna yelled over the music, diving forward and grabbing Ruby around the waist, squeezing hard. “I love your outfit!”

Ruby was dressed from head to toe in bright red leather. Even the buckles on her high-heeled boots that went nearly halfway up her thighs were crimson.

She had appeared with a group of five people, two of which Emma recognized. One was Killian, and the other a pretty Asian woman who’s name Emma couldn’t remember. The other three pairs of eyes darted over Emma, and she looked away when they lingered on her too long.

Ruby let out a playful grunt and hugged Anna back. “Hi Anna. What are you two doing over here by yourselves?” Ruby asked as Killian announced he was buying first round and disappeared.

Despite Emma starting to get a sinking feeling in her stomach as she knew they’d been caught, Anna stood up straight, and gave Ruby brightest smile. “We are seeing the fishies! Emma’s favorite is the big yellow one, but I like the group of blue and black ones over there,” she pointed.

One of the women in the group, who Emma could tell by her white leather dress and the way she held her chin up that she was clearly another Domme, nodded Emma’s way. “Don’t I know you from somewhere?”

Emma studied the woman, trying to jog her memory, but she was pretty sure she’d never seen her before. She looked to be in her forties, held a demeanor of elegance, and also looked like she knew it. She was tall and lean, her hair so blonde it was nearly white, and her eyes held a sharpness that Emma could only imagine demanded some respect in the playroom. In short, she intimidated Emma just by standing there, and Emma suddenly felt incredibly aware of the predicament she was in.

She looked very, very different from this woman and Ruby. Mama had dressed her in her favorite denim miniskirt, and let Emma put on purple and white striped knee socks under her fuzzy boots. Clipped to her plum colored hoody was her paci, which she had completely forgotten about the moment she’d met up with her partner in crime, but now realized that if her outfit alone hadn’t quite made it clear she that belonged in The Playpen, that particular ornament certainly did.

None of this embarrassed Emma, exactly. The Dungeon was not a place that was devoid of people flaunting any type of alternative lifestyle. It was just that Emma wasn’t used to people staring her down without having the option of shoving her face into Mama’s chest. Most adults intimidated Emma when she was Little, but this domme had a way about her that really, _really_ intimidated Emma. She didn’t like the vibes at all. This was only made worse by the fact that she was one of three brand new people, and Emma didn’t do so well meeting new people. She certainly didn’t do so well when those three people were staring at her like they were trying to figure her out.

She looked to Ruby with pleading eyes, who seemed to take a moment before realizing exactly what was happening here. Seeming to remember how Emma was in her Little mindset, she decided to answer for her. “This is Emma,” Ruby said, giving Emma a little jab in the ribs, and winking at her.

Emma felt her cheeks turn to fire as recognition hit the blonde woman’s eyes. She looked even more interested than before, and suddenly Emma really wished she’d stayed close to Mama.

“Wait, is this Regina’s Little?” the blonde looked at Ruby with excited eyes.

“Oh, no shit?” one of the other’s came forward. She was a redhead that was holding the hand of a young man who looked as if no matter how long he grew out his beard, he’d remain looking like a twelve year old boy. Both of them stared at Emma with what looked like fascination.

Feeling as if she were a spectacle, Emma looked down at her boots and decided it would be fun to press down on her big toe with the heal of her other foot. She heard Ruby say something and there was an exchange back and forth, but Emma tried to focus on the music instead.

Killian saved the day by approaching with several drinks, and the people that had been staring at Emma turned their attention to him dolling the glasses out.

“So,” Ruby said conversationally to Emma and Anna now. “Was getting a shot part of watching the fish too?”

Emma’s eyes widened, but Anna just knit her brows together defiantly. “You’re gunna tell on us, aren’t you?” she said.

Ruby shook her head. “No, but you two shouldn’t be over here. Let’s go.” She took Emma’s hand, who was more than happy to be led back to Mama.

But Anna wasn’t as appreciative of this news. “Aw! Why?”

Ruby laughed as she pulled Emma forward. “I’m taking you two back to your Mommies.”

Anna practically flopped off of the bar stool and gave an annoyed whine. “But _why_?”

The woman that Emma couldn’t remember the name of was wedged in between the redheaded and baby beard faced duo. She was watching the exchange between Ruby and Anna, and didn’t seem to notice Emma watching her. Both the redhead and the baby-faced man took her hand as they hid their laughter at Anna’s whining.

“I like her. She’s feisty,” the blonde Domme smiled Anna’s way, and it was probably the first time Emma had ever seen a Domme approve of Anna’s behavior.

Anna must have been thinking the same thing. She perked up at what she clearly considered to be a compliment, and jumped off the bar stool. “I’m Anna,” she said, sticking out her hand. The blonde took it.

“Ingrid,” the woman said with controlled smile. Emma thought it looked a bit too much like plastic.

“Nice ta meecha,” Anna shook the hand up and down much more forcefully than she needed to. “Emma thinks it’s nice ta meecha too, but she’s shy,” Anna added, putting an arm around Emma’s shoulders in comradery before Ruby began to lead the group towards the back of the club.

“Alright,” Ruby’s voice overbore the rest of them. “Let’s go Anna.” As they made their way to The Playpen, Emma felt Anna stick a secretive piece of chocolate in her hand, and she popped it in her mouth.

***

Regina ignored the crick in her neck as she craned it, trying to look over the crowds. She kept her eyes sharp for a purple sweater over all of the other colorful outfits as she worried her lower lip.

“Regina,” Elsa laughed behind her, causing Regina to finally turn around and give her friend some attention. “Relax. They’ve only been gone for ten minutes.”

Forcing a smile, Regina shook her head quickly, trying to pull off that she wasn’t worried. But she was. She couldn’t help it. When Emma was Little, she barely ever left Regina’s side, much less was out of her line of sight altogether. “I know. I’m sure they’re fine.”

Elsa’s eyes trailed to behind Regina, and she nodded into the distance, giving Regina a friendly shove. “There you go. See? Perfectly fine.”

Regina’s head whipped around to see not just Emma, but an entire entourage. In the crowd was the pleasant surprise of three friends she hadn’t seen in a long while. Aurora, Philip, and Mulan were all hand-in-hand, a usual scenario for them, even after all this time. Aurora and Philip had been an item for as long as Regina could remember, but Aurora liked having another Dom in the bed. Mulan fit nicely in that role, and it appeared that the three of them were still at it.

With them, however, was the more unpleasant surprise of Ingrid. It wasn’t that Regina and Ingrid had ever had an incident, but Ingrid liked to try and play the Who Was the More Popular/Pretty Domme game; something that Regina had absolutely no interest in. Back in her day, she had always been happy to just find a partner for the night and go about her life, while Ingrid always tried to turn it into a competition. That bored Regina, and in return, Ingrid didn’t like her for not playing along. However, they tried to tolerate each other when in mixed company.

Said mixed company was wearing a bright red leather outfit that only she could really pull off, and she was holding Emma’s hand as she guided her back to The Playpen. Regina didn’t wait for Ruby and Emma to reach it; she was on her feet and opening the meshed gate.

“Look who I found,” Ruby said as she let go of Emma’s hand. Immediately, Emma raced into Regina’s arms and hid her face in the crook of her neck.

A jolt of worry at Emma’s clear discomfort was interrupted when Regina found Aurora coming towards her. “How long has it been, lady?!” she squealed.

Regina leaned forward, and she and Aurora exchanged a cheek kiss. “Hi, Ro. Too long,” she greeted as she looked down to get Emma’s fingers out of her mouth. No use. Emma pressed further against her.

“You’re never around anymore,” Aurora smiled sadly.

“If I’m here, I’m in The Playpen. Why don’t you just come to the next Ruby Night? Emma and I are usually there.”

“Speaking of Emma,” Aurora looked at the back of Emma’s head.

It dawned on Regina then why Emma was hiding as Emma dove further into her, one arm coming up to hold tightly around the neck she was tucked into. Regina and Aurora both chuckled. “She’s not so good with introductions,” Regina explained. Turning slightly so her lips could reach Emma’s ear, she called to her with her best encouraging voice. “Did you want to meet Mama’s friends?”

Regina immediately noticed two things when Emma turned her face. The first was that Emma’s nerves were all over the place. She wasn’t used to meeting so many new people when she was Little, and she’d hardly ever been so far from Regina. The combination had done a number on her headspace, clearly causing her shyness and anxiety to skyrocket. The second was that she caught an obvious whiff of tequila on Emma’s breath. Emma taking a shot had definitely not been part of the Fish Tank Bar Conversation. She had a feeling Anna had something to do with this, but for the moment, she kept her observation to herself. She wanted to get Emma calmed down first.

Emma brought herself out from her hiding place and pressed her lips together as she looked Aurora’s way. “Hi,” she mumbled, giving a little wave of her hand. The only reason Regina had heard was because she had practice, but there was no way Aurora picked up on it. She cleared her throat pointedly at Emma, whose eyes widened slightly, and she went pink as she said hello much louder.

Aurora giggled again, and put her hand out for Emma to shake. Regina watched as Emma started, but got over it quickly and then met her hand. “Hi Emma,” Aurora beamed. “It’s really nice to finally meet you. I’ve heard so many stories!”

Regina saw Emma’s eyes go big as saucers, and she gaped. “You…have?”

“Hi, Regina. Long time no see.”

The conversation was interrupted with the intrusion of Ingrid, who inserted herself around the three of them and gave Regina a look that challenged her to not smile pleasantly and return salutations. But Regina wasn’t the slightest bit thrown off by this. She didn’t miss a beat as she smiled back. “Hi Ingrid. I’ve been around, but we mostly keep to ourselves, don’t we sweetheart?” she asked Emma, who had been slinking further behind Regina since Ingrid’s arrival. Sure enough, Emma also wasn’t a fan of Ingrid’s energy, and she was trying to escape from it without making it obvious.

Regina found herself smiling inwardly with pride. _That’s my girl_ , she thought.

“Well, I’m just glad I got to,” Ingrid said pleasantly. “And so glad I got to meet Emma. Finally!” she cooed as she lifted a hand to touch Emma’s cheek. As it happened, Regina felt Emma freeze behind her, and a hand gripped the back of her shirt.

Now that, Regina had to admit, took a moment to recover from. This time, she did miss a beat. Just barely, but it was there. Every muscle in her body tensed, and she physically had to swallow a growl that threatened to escape her throat.

If Ingrid had let the hand linger for longer than a second, it would have been a very different outcome, but she dropped it as quickly as she had performed the gesture. A split second, and that was it. As she stopped and smiled at Regina, it was obvious that Ingrid was just waiting for the reaction that she knew Regina wanted to have, which was to rip her apart for daring to put her hands on Emma at all. Especially when Emma was clearly very shy and hiding behind her.

 _Touch my Little One without her permission again_ , Regina’s brain screamed. _Do it. See what happens._

But she smiled instead, giving a laugh to relieve the tension.

“She’s my good girl.” Regina pivoted and put her arm around Emma’s middle. They shared a secret look, Emma’s nervousness of the situation and Regina’s assurance that she had it under control.

When she smiled back at Ingrid, she could see the woman scrutinizing the situation, and calculating another move. But Regina wasn’t going to give her the opportunity. She darted her eyes to both Aurora and Ingrid to show that they were both part of the conversation. “I’ve got to get this one back to her friends. I’ll see you all later?”

Regina only paid attention to Aurora’s reaction, who beamed and nodded enthusiastically, saying something about meeting up with them sooner rather than later and Regina affirming. She took Emma’s hand and led her away and back to The Playpen before closing the mesh door behind them and turning, bringing herself into Emma’s space.

Emma immediately tucked herself into the crook of Regina’s neck again, one arm holding tightly around it and closing the rest of the distance in their bodies. She brought her fingers to her mouth and whispered, “they keep staring at me…”

Regina’s arms responded immediately, coming around Emma’s waist. She swayed them lightly from side to side, rocking them as they stood, and pulled Emma’s hand away from her mouth. She smiled to herself. Emma always forgot about her paci even when it was clipped to her clothes. She kissed those same knuckles, and whispered, “it’s okay, sweetheart. They’re just curious about you.”

“Why?” Emma struggled to snuggle in closer, and it earned her a laugh. Regina let go of Emma’s hand to bring the paci up to her lips. Emma was about to turn away, but Regina tutted in her ear. Emma took it without more protest.

“Because they all know me and Ruby, and they’ve heard a lot about you. Remember we’ve talked about this? Remember we’ve talked about how everyone’s heard about you so when they meet you, they get curious?”

Regina saw Emma’s eyes smart just a little, and figured she knew why. The voice that she was using was identical to when she was shushing Emma to sleep; that warm, soothing tone designed to make all the stuff shouting in Emma’s head stay quiet so her eyes could shut. And in that moment of being gawked at and made so uncomfortable, Emma was giving into the comfort being offered to her.

Regina started to wrestle with herself about them staying any longer. Usually when Emma was playing with her friends, she was in a quiet but happy mood. In fact, there had been numerous times when right after Playing at The Dungeon, Emma had been riled into a mood to want to Play further in the bedroom. But tonight, Regina wasn’t sure if that was where things were going. Being thrown into an uncomfortable situation, Emma seemed to be going further into her Littlespace. Far enough to where The Dungeon just may be a bit too overstimulating.

“You tired, Little One?” she asked quietly.

Emma paused before ultimately shaking her head.

“You sure? You wanna go have some time out in the car or maybe go home?”

Again, Emma shook her head.

“No? You wanna stay, and be my big, brave girl?”

Regina could see right away that this was what Emma preferred, but her eyes darted back to the crowd that Ruby had brought with her not far away, and they were making what she really wanted to do seem much less fun. But this was what Regina’s job was: to make sure that Emma felt safe and able to be who she needed to be in that moment. So she made the decision right there; looking to the other side of The Playpen, she saw Tilly and Will were playing with a Magic Eight Ball and eating Dorito chips. Taking Emma’s hand, Regina guided her over to where they were, and had Emma sit down next to them.

“Hi Emma!” Tilly squeaked. “Ask the magic ball a question!”

Will handed the ball over immediately to Emma, who looked down at it sitting atop her crossed legs, suckling her paci forcefully.

Anna ran up behind them and sat next to Emma. She took the bag of chips and placed them in her own lap. “You’ve gotta take out your binky if you want to ask it a question, kay?” she said kindly, sensing Emma’s unease.

Regina crouched down and ran her hand through Emma’s hair, whispering in her ear. “Come on, my love. Play with your friends. Mama will be right over there,” she pointed to where she normally sat with Elsa, who was standing not too far away and catching up with Aurora, Ruby and Mulan.

When Emma finally took the paci out of her mouth, Regina stood up and went back to where Elsa was. Elsa and Mulan acknowledged her presence, but Regina gave Ruby a pointed look. “Did you buy Emma a shot of tequila at the bar?”

Ruby was about to take a sip of her own drink, but her eyes widened, and she lowered it to gape at Regina. “Do I look like I have a death wish?” She smiled to show Regina that she knew it would be insane to go over Regina’s head and buy her Little a drink when she was in headspace. Ruby nudged their shoulders together. “They had a shot right before we walked up. I could tell they were nervous at being busted. Anna told me not to say anything. Which by the way, I didn’t,” she winked.

Elsa’s eyes widened, and her mouth pinched when she glared over to where their Littles were sitting. “I’m gunna kill her…” she started, but Regina took hold of Elsa’s arm and shook her head.

“Wait a little while. Please? Emma’s in a weird place. I’m trying to get her to calm down a bit and Anna’s helping. I didn’t even mention it to them.”

Elsa’s eyes flicked back to Regina. “What happened?” she asked worriedly.

Regina met Ruby’s eyes, and saw that Ruby looked a little guilty. “Did I overwhelm her? I’m sorry, Mama Bear. I shouldn’t have brought a whole group around her.”

Regina shook her head. “It’s alright. It’s just that everyone wants to meet her, and she just doesn’t handle it well.”

“I wasn’t thinking,” Ruby took a sip of her beer. “I’m still not very used to this side of her, I guess.”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Mulan interjected, giving Regina an apologetic look. “We didn’t mean to freak her out.”

“No,” Regina shook her head. “Don’t worry about it. Emma is just very shy with new people when she’s Little. And she’s not used to me not being there. I think it just sort of caught her off guard. She’ll be fine.”

“Ingrid probably didn’t help,” Elsa gritted out, and Regina watched Mulan’s face to see if she was going to show any type of loyalty to the friend in her group. To the contrary, Mulan gave an understanding smile.

“Yeah, she gets like that,” Mulan said. “But she didn’t say much to Emma. She really took a shining to the other one though.”

Elsa’s eyes flashed, and she pounced on the remark. “What do you mean? What did she say?”

Mulan chuckled. “That she was feisty, and Ingrid liked that. No biggie.”

Regina saw Elsa calm and roll her eyes. “Well, she isn’t wrong there. Anna wouldn’t care in the least about meeting all those people. But like hell if she’s going anywhere near Ingrid again.”

Leaning into Ruby, Regina said more quietly, “What are you doing with her anyway?”

Ruby shrugged. “She kind of inserted herself when we showed up. You know how she is. But I guess she’s got her eyes on Aurora and Philip right now, so I wasn’t surprised.” Ruby’s eyes flicked to Mulan, who hadn’t heard them as she was talking to Elsa. Regina was aware that Mulan had started to break one of the cardinal rules of Playing: don’t get attached. But sometimes, those things just couldn’t be helped. She was finding it more difficult to keep her feelings for Aurora in check, which wasn’t going to do her any favors in the long run, Regina thought. Aurora and Philip were, as far as she knew, a done deal.

Regina watched as Emma slowly but surely delved back into her Little games with her friends. By eleven o’clock, a show was about to start on the main dance floor, and the Littles begged their Caregivers to let them watch. There were going to be people dancing on the tables and in the cages, dressed in elaborate costumes, and stripping down to not much else than their leather bustles and underwear. Regina agreed to let Emma watch as long as Emma stayed with her. Leather cushioned booths lined the larger dance floor and Regina sat down in one, Emma sitting in between her legs on the floor. She had one arm hooked around Regina’s knee as she rested her head against her stomach, and Regina pet through her hair and redid her ponytail.

A few of her friends walked by, including Belle, who leaned down and smiled at Emma. “Hey, cutie,” she beamed.

Emma smiled up at her. “Hi Belle,” she replied, turning her face slightly into Regina as her cheeks caught fire, despite looking pleased to see their friend. Belle giggled and leaned down to kiss Emma’s cheek before standing up and giving Regina the same gesture. She was off, leaving Emma and Regina alone as the music for the performance started.

Before it got too loud, Regina, still running her hands through Emma’s hair, leaned down until her lips were behind the shell of Emma’s ear. “When this is over, we’ll talk about you sneaking a shot of tequila at the bar.”

As suspected, she felt Emma freeze, and then her breathing picked up as her hands that were against Regina’s legs tightened. She squirmed where she sat.

“You’re in trouble. You know that, Little One?” Regina crooned.

In response, Emma tucked her face into Regina’s inner thigh. Anyone who was watching would have thought she was getting shy at the show starting. The lights dimmed down, the music, somehow, got louder, and the voice of the show announcer boomed in the speakers to introduce the dancers climbing into the cages and on the dance boxes. It was all very overwhelming, especially for the Littles, Regina noted. All but Anna, who was being held back by Elsa with some difficulty as she cheered and clapped. Regina bit her laugh back as she looked back down at her own Little One, who was barely peeking an eye out to look at her.

Regina arched an eyebrow, and gave Emma a devilish grin, making it clear that her mind was still very much on Emma’s infraction. She leaned down again, putting her lips right up to Emma’s ear so that she could hear over the noise. “What do you think your punishment should be, hm?”

Looking up at her with huge eyes, Emma dove her fingers into her mouth. And Regina knew right there that the world around them had completely disappeared for Emma. She was one hundred percent focused on Regina, anticipation settling on her features. Regina grinned at her again as she forced Emma’s fingers out of her mouth, and replaced them with her paci. She gave Emma one more pointed look before pretending to focus on the show.

Regina smirked to herself as she saw Emma shifting her bottom from side to side as she pretended to watch the cages sway with the dancers’ movements. Her arm was still wrapped around Regina’s leg, glued to her Mama, shifting endlessly in her seat. Regina waited a few more minutes before she leaned back down. She snuck a hand in between their bodies, and despite the crowd, she doubted anyone could actually see her as she lightly swatted Emma’s bottom and held her hand there firmly. She growled lowly in Emma’s ear.

“Stop squirming. Right now.”

Emma straightened, but Regina saw a shiver go down her spine, and she could have sworn she felt the vibration of a moan being released. For a few more moments, Emma managed to sit still. But it didn’t take long before she was wiggling again, her fingers beginning to play with a fray in Regina’s knee-cut jeans. Every now and then, she’d grip tightly and shiver. So once again, Regina lowered herself, her lips near Emma’s ear. Only this time, she brought her hand up to force Emma to look at her. What she saw there nearly made her completely soak through her panties. Emma’s eyes were nearly black, and the paci in her mouth was being sucked so forcefully, that she could hear the noises it was making over the music. The hand that Regina had used to force Emma’s chin to turn cupped at a pink cheek, and she gave a sweet smile. “What is it, my love?” she asked. “Are you anxious for your punishment?”

This time, the chill that ran down Emma’s spine was so palpable, her eyes fluttered. She surprised Regina by putting her arms out, gesturing that she wanted to be held, and Regina obliged by hoisting Emma up and into her lap. She forced Emma to sit upright, making their eyes meet. Taking the paci out of Emma’s mouth, she saw Emma immediately bite down hard on her lower lip. Her cheeks were on fire, her eyes black. Regina doubted her own pupils were any less dilated.

Emma trembled. “Can we go home?” As she said it, she ground her hips down, only slightly, to emphasize her point. This time, Regina did soak through her panties. Forget the show. Home was exactly where she wanted them to be.

Emma’s body was turned towards Regina the entire way home, Regina keeping her hand firmly pressed in between Emma’s knees, which were firmly squeezed together as she watched Regina drive home with dark eyes. Regina barely acknowledged she was being watched save for a few short glances Emma’s way, and Emma kept herself nearly glued to Regina the whole way up the elevator and down the hall to their front door, both hands clasping one of her mama’s, eyes wide and hopeful as she knew she was in trouble. She was looking for a look of encouragement from her partner, but Regina gave her an arched eyebrow and a humorless smile in response to keep the anticipation high.

When they finally locked their door behind them, and Regina started taking Emma’s jacket off, she noticed Emma’s shivering had not waned, but instead had grown stronger. She regarded Emma standing there, fingers tapping on her teeth, feet pressing down on one another, eyes wide.

“Why are you trembling?” she asked, hanging Emma’s sweatshirt up and hooking her fingers into the hem of Emma’s skirt. She pulled her lover towards her and held her hips as she studied her face: flush with anticipation and a little hint of a mischievous smile. She was in one of those moods where she was going to be completely lost in her punishment. It told Regina exactly where her own headspace needed to be. She needed to be alert tonight, check on her Little One.

“Don’t know,” Emma said in a small voice.

“Be honest with me,” Regina warned. “Tell me why you’re shaking. Are you too Little for a punishment tonight, Emma?” Every now and then, Regina had to make sure that Emma was in the right mindset for this. Emma certainly had different levels of her Littlespace. At no point when she was too far under did Regina ever take it somewhere sexual. In the times where Emma was teetering on the edge of playful and really Little, Regina needed to check in. Emma clearly wasn’t too little tonight, or she wouldn’t look so flushed, but she wasn’t in a spot to take care of herself either.

But Emma’s eyes grew wide at Regina’s question, and Regina could see that the idea of missing this opportunity was not what she wanted at all. Emma shook her head vehemently. “No,” she answered. “I’m…excited,” she finally admitted, her cheeks turning a shade of pink that always drove Regina a little mad with lust.

The admission and the look on Emma’s face melted Regina enough for her to smile, and she rubbed Emma’s side encouragingly. “Good girl, baby. However, you weren’t a very good girl at the club tonight, were you?”

She saw Emma swallow, fingers tapping faster against her teeth. Regina watched closely to make sure those fingers didn’t go all the way in Emma’s mouth.

“Who’s idea was it to drink at the bar?” It was a silly question. As if Emma would ever dare to come up with that idea. Anna was always the one doing things to get them into trouble. Elsa had laughed with Regina once, saying ‘the girl loves to be punished. And I love it too.’ Emma, however, answered by biting down on one of her nails.

“Maybe your punishment should be to be grounded from playing with Anna?” she asked.

The response was predictable. Emma’s eyes nearly popped out of her skull. “No!” her hands flew around Regina’s neck and she pressed herself against her mama in a plea. “No, please! She just got back! Mama, please, don’t!”

Regina rubbed her hands up and down Emma’s sides. “Sshh…” she coaxed the crying to a minimum, Emma biting her lower lip and choking back a plea. “That’s enough,” Regina said in a soothing voice, with just enough bite behind it to show Emma that this had barely started. She forced Emma’s arms away from her, and took hold of one of her hands, guiding Emma down the hallway and into their bedroom.

Taking hold of the button on Emma’s skirt, Regina wordlessly undressed her Little One. Emma’s fingers found her mouth again, and Regina dropped the skirt to smack her hand against Emma’s bottom. The boy shorts she was wearing were the only thing giving her any padding, and it did little. The sound of skin on skin cracked around the room, and Emma jumped with a tiny whimper. “Get those fingers out of your mouth. Right now,” Regina ordered.

Gasping in a breath, Emma put both of her hands behind her back. Regina saw her struggling to keep them there, but they had a rule: tying Emma up was off limits. Regina had extensive experience with various forms of binding, including Shibari, but because of Emma’s experience being forced into a closed space for long periods of time, she was weary of even trying it. And Regina didn’t blame her. There were plenty of other ways to keep Emma’s hands to herself, and the last thing she ever wanted was to compromise Emma’s safety.

Regina worked to get Emma naked in front of her. Still dressed in her tight, frayed jeans, red leather strapless shirt, and black high heels, Regina grabbed Emma’s butt and forced their bodies to collide. Immediately, Emma’s arms went back around Regina’s neck, and Regina lifted Emma up into her arms, turning them around and slamming Emma on the bed. She landed on top of her as gently as she could, and felt Emma shiver underneath her.

“Listen to me closely. You will cover your eyes,” she murmured as she felt Emma begin to tremble underneath her. “You will stay right where you are, and you will do exactly as I say. Do you understand?”

“Yes, Mama.”

A smile spread on Regina’s face, and she leaned down to give Emma a soft, simple kiss before getting up to go to their closet. She opened a chest of their toys to grab what she preferred for the evening. Emma’s punishment was going to take a while.

Coming back, she placed her tools next to Emma’s side. Emma was covering her eyes with her hands, her chest heaving, a little grin on the corner of her mouth. Regina mimicked it as she took hold of Emma’s legs, still clad in her knee-high striped socks, and lifted them so she could sit in between them. Emma’s calves sat on each side of Regina’s hips, her bare sex exposed. Her breathing picked up in response to Regina massaging those creamy thighs, rubbing closer to Emma’s opening with her thumbs.

To say Emma was wet was an understatement. She was clearly soaked with her eagerness, her skin glistening where she’d leaked. Regina loved it. She felt her own moisture in between her legs, but ignored it. She was going to focus only on Emma tonight.

“Look at my girl,” she crooned, gathering just a bit of Emma’s wetness with her thumb. “You’re so beautiful…”

Emma’s fingers spread, and Regina saw a hooded eye peek up at her. Grinning, she leaned forward. Emma drew her hands away completely as Regina claimed her lips, and while she tasted her partner, her thumb slid down and spread Emma’s wetness over her puckered hole.

Emma let out a meek gasp that tapered into a whimper as Regina pressed her thumb gently inside. She felt Emma’s whole body come alive as her thumb was wrapped in the tight, hot opening. Anal had been the one thing that Emma had been really nervous about trying, but that first night that it had happened had changed that completely. Regina often thought about it. Emma’s reaction had been shocking to both of them, and had turned out to be one of the best nights of Regina’s life. It was fascinating to watch Emma both light up with how much she loved the feeling of it and positively melt at the same time. She turned to jelly, the sensation turning her so submissive that she would do just about anything Regina asked her to as long as she was touched there.

In response, Regina let go of Emma’s lips as her free hand went to grab one of their toys. Emma’s arms went around Regina’s neck, and they gazed at each other as Regina pressed her thumb in further, careful to make sure that Emma was providing enough lubrication so it wouldn’t hurt. But Emma was so wet that there wasn’t a single part of her down there that wasn’t soaked. It allowed Regina to press in up to her knuckle, and Emma let out a whimper.

“Sshh…” Regina soothed. “Hush now, Little One.”

“Mama…” Emma trembled.

But Regina arched a brow and shook her head. “Do as I say,” she said gently, with just enough edge in her voice to remind Emma she was being punished. And the punishment hadn’t even begun yet.

Emma bit her bottom lip as Regina pulled her thumb out, and then brought the toy she’d grabbed to take its place. Much bigger around than her thumb, Regina pressed the plug to Emma’s hole. She was trying to gently press it inside, but Emma shifted her hips down and forced it in much quicker than Regina had planned.

Two things happened to Regina at once: she nearly came on the spot watching Emma’s whole face melt in ecstasy, yet a fire lit in her chest at Emma’s infraction. She grabbed the flogger she had taken out of the closet and cracked it against Emma’s pussy.

Emma gasped in surprise, and tried to close her thighs, but Regina had seen that coming. She grabbed hold of Emma’s legs and forced them to spread open wider, smacking the flogger down again. This time, Emma’s hips came up, and she thrust them into her partner. Regina grabbed them firmly and forced them down, this time not bothering with the flogger as she slapped Emma’s glistening opening.

“You,” she barked, “are done being a brat tonight. Do you understand?” As she said it, she smacked Emma’s butt cheeks hard with a bare hand. Emma let out another sound that was filled with pure lust, and Regina knew that smacking Emma’s bottom when she had a plug in heightened the feeling of being spanked. She did it one more time, and then stopped everything, holding Emma’s thighs, waiting.

It took a moment for Emma to calm down, catch her breath, and still. Her breathing was colored by tiny mewls, and she kept wiggling against the mattress, trying to cause friction. Regina was patient, gazing down at Emma, who’s hand was back up to her mouth. But she simply held her fingers on her lip, giving Regina a little question of a look, as if Regina would ever allow her to suck her fingers while she was being punished.

Instead of acknowledging it, Regina gave a shrug, and then went for the next item she had laid next to them. When Emma saw Regina grabbing the Magic Wand, her eyes got wide. Regina leaned down and captured those lips again in a bruising kiss, holding onto Emma’s bottom lip with her teeth.

Just as quickly, Regina let go, and turned the wand on. She lowered it down to Emma’s clit as she bit down softly on Emma’s jawline, just to feel Emma nearly leap out from under her as the wand made contact. But Regina held her in place, her free hand coming up to capture Emma’s cheek and bring their foreheads together. They breathed heavily next to each other’s lips as Regina felt the buildup of Emma’s first orgasm growing rapidly…and then she pulled the toy away.

Emma let out a gasp, and her body shook from the pressure the vibrations had caused. As she started to catch her breath, Regina brought the vibrating wand back against Emma’s clit, hard.

“Ah!” Emma’s hips leapt up and nearly crashed into Regina’s, but Regina moved her free hand down to hold Emma in place as she continued to press the toy to Emma’s clit. “Yeah…” Emma breathed out, legs beginning to tremble once more. Regina could tell by the uptick in Emma’s breathing that her orgasm was rising again. So she pulled the toy away.

Letting out a frustrated groan, Emma swallowed and closed her eyes. Regina could tell she was willing herself to calm down. Good thing too, Regina thought with a smirk. Emma would need to really pace herself.

Putting the wand aside, Regina smiled down at Emma’s glowing face, tummy rapidly lifting up and down with her turned-on breathing. She ran her hands all along Emma’s sides, down to her bottom, and pressed just enough on Emma’s cheeks for the plug to shift and cause friction, forcing a moan from Emma’s lips.

“Did that feel good, baby?” Regina murmured, continuing to rub circles over Emma’s bottom. Even there, she was shaking, and as Regina sat herself up and made sure Emma’s bottom was still firmly held in her own lap, she picked up the Magic Wand again.

Emma’s eyes followed it, her hands lifted up above her head and fingers twirled around her blonde locks. She must have grabbed her hair in her frustration earlier. Regina bit her lower lip to try and keep her own composure, to show little concern for the frustration rising in her partner, though she felt anything but.

She turned the toy on, giving Emma a devilish grin as she pumped the volume up a notch. Emma’s eyes widened just before Regina pressed it to her clit, and then Emma’s mouth fell open in shock at the powerful sensation. She first tried to pull away from the far too powerful vibrations, but Regina kept the wand firmly in place until Emma was pumping against it, yearning for the buildup to finally push her over the edge. And just as Regina could tell Emma’s body was preparing for climax, she pulled it away again.

“N..nnoo…” Emma grit out, hips searching desperately for the source of her pleasure, finding it nowhere.

In response, Regina smacked Emma’s raised bottom one more time. “Telling me no won’t do you any favors, Emma,” she said sweetly, putting the wand down to massage Emma’s legs, her hips. Regina leaned over and kissed Emma’s raised knee. It was trembling. “Why are you being punished?”

Nothing but heavy breathing answered her at first, and again Regina had to keep her own arousal under wraps. Making Emma talk as she was on the brink of bursting like this was far too much fun, but she needed to not show it. Not yet, anyway.

“Hm?” she prompted when she saw Emma’s lips move but nothing come out.

“Drank,” Emma finally managed.

“Drank what?”

“Had a shot of tequila,” she managed, shaky and sporadic consonants. “Wasn’t supposed to…”

“No, you weren’t,” Regina shook her head, turning the wand on one more time. She held it just above Emma’s hooded clit, now swollen and red. “What does Mama always promise you?”

A pinky met teeth and just barely bit down. “Keep me safe.”

“That’s right,” Regina smiled. “And your promise?”

“Keep myself safe,” Emma managed.

“Which you can’t do if you break the rules,” Regina said as she brought the wand back up against that beautifully engorged bud. Her mouth watered just looking at it. Emma’s hips shot up again as contact was made, and Regina steadied her with a hand on her thigh. “Promise me you won’t break the rules again, Emma.”

“I…” the panting was heavy and raw. She was really close. “I promise…please!”

The breathing made it clear Emma was about to explode. Regina pulled the wand away, and this time, Emma let out a frustrated yell, yanking hard on her hair and squaring her jaw.

“Sshh…” Regina put the toy down and leaned over her lover, rubbing up and down her sides. The touches had the double effect of soothing but also keeping Emma’s body alight with the contact. “This is your punishment,” she cooed, pressing a kiss to Emma’s temple. “Relax,” she murmured against Emma’s ear, and she could feel Emma’s body sigh and try to listen to the direction. “That’s it,” she encouraged, kissing her again. “Just relax, my love. Mama’s got you.”

Emma whimpered and turned so their eyes would meet. The pleading Regina saw in her partner made her smile sweetly at her. “You’re my good girl, aren’t you, baby?”

Emma swallowed and nodded.

“You just made a mistake, didn’t you?” Regina coaxed gently, keeping her voice kind and soft.

“Uh huh,” Emma murmured, nudging Regina’s cheek with her nose, a gesture of affection and apology. “I’m sorry.”

Regina pulled out a pouting lip. “I know you are,” she answered, and secretly grabbed the wand as she had Emma’s attention. She kissed the corner of Emma’s mouth to distract her, and then flipped the switch to bring it back to Emma’s clit.

Emma gasped out a moan, and Regina took advantage of her sudden shock to capture those lips. She drank the moan still escaping Emma’s mouth as she felt the body underneath her begin to shake. As their lips parted, Emma began to chant encouragements, desperately chasing her orgasm. Regina let her build up, begin pumping her hips, could feel the intake of breath as Emma prepared herself, and then pulled the toy away just before her partner released.

“Fuck!” Emma yelled, trying to curl in on herself in frustration, but with Regina on top of her, the most she could do was press their bodies closer together. That seemed to give her and idea, and her arms flew around Regina’s neck. She tethered herself to Regina’s body and began to grind up. Regina let it happen for just the smallest of moments, mostly for her own pleasure as she finally felt that hot and bothered body giving her own some attention, but then pulled away. Emma still tried to cling on, but Regina smacked Emma’s butt, eliciting a moan that she was positive did more to help Emma let out some frustration than reprimand her.

“Aw, baby,” Regina teased as she sat up, watching Emma writhe underneath her.

“Not fair…” Emma mumbled, probably not realizing she’d said it so loud. But of course, she didn’t have the best control of her body just then.

“No?” as Regina asked, she could tell her assertion was correct. Emma looked up wide-eyed and bit her lip. “What’s not fair? I’m not letting you come?”

Relinquishing herself to her fate, Emma gave a full pouting lip and nodded, her hands back in her hair. Regina said nothing. She didn’t have to. Emma knew that she would regret begging to come all in good time. But Regina smiled anyway and brought the wand back up against Emma’s clit. She gave Emma a little smile before flipping the switch, and when she did, Emma’s legs spread wide to try and allow as much access as possible.

Emma laying out for her completely exposed like this had Regina aching in between her legs. This never got old. These were some of the best images of Emma in her mind, next to watching her silhouette as she looked out a window, orange light of the sun grabbing the color of her hair. She was stunning. She was trusting. She was everything.

Regina swallowed the moan that wanted to escape as she watched Emma build up. The sounds coming out of her mouth were sexy beyond belief, and Regina felt the ache in her own clit and breasts. But she focused on Emma, paying attention to her movements and sounds, making sure her body built up just at the ledge of her pleasure. And when she did, Regina pulled the wand away.

This time, Emma nearly howled in disappointment, and turned her body completely to the side. She curled up in the fetal position and grabbed hold of the pillow above her head, clamping her legs together and writhing on the spot. Regina allowed it, putting a calming hand on Emma’s thigh, but bringing the still vibrating wand up against the plug still deeply embedded in Emma’s puckered hole.

Emma hadn’t been expecting that. Her hips shot forward in initial shock, but then fell back again just as quickly, trying to press closer against the new sensation. “Oh… _god_ …” she whimpered, the words shaking as they left her lips. “Please…please…feels so good…”

“I know,” Regina groaned out.

“I need to come,” Emma begged as she ground down against the wand. She was so wet that the sheets underneath her were damp. “Please let me come.”

“I love you,” Regina said through a smile. She couldn’t help it. Emma was so beautiful just then. She was so wet. Regina couldn’t wait to hold her, rock her, calm her down.

Eyes darted sideways and looked at her. They met for the tiniest of moments, before Emma’s body sighed. “Please…” she whispered.

Regina’s smile widened, and she brought the toy away so she could pull Emma back into place with her legs spread wide on Regina’s lap. Emma didn’t appreciate the source of her pleasure disappearing, and she mewled out a helpless cry. Her whole body was such a wreck that she was powerless as she let Regina move her. Sweat was glistening on her temples, her socked legs were rubbing against Regina’s sides in a gesture of a plea.

Still, Regina didn’t give in. She turned the wand down, and brought it to Emma’s clit. The lack of vibration frustrated her more, and she closed her eyes tightly. Regina saw Emma’s jaw grit, and knew that she was trying to concentrate, get her orgasm to push through. She began pumping her hips forward, legs spread as wide as they would go, so close…

Regina pulled the wand away, and this time Emma let out a choked sob. She started to say no, but caught herself. “That’s it,” Regina praised, waiting a few more moments for Emma’s shaking to calm. Hooded eyes opened and gazed up at Regina. She smiled down encouragingly before leaning forward and pulling Emma close with her free arm. Wrapping it around the small of Emma’s back, she kissed a damp temple and turned the wand back on. Flipping the volume up higher, she brought it to Emma’s clit again, and felt knees buckle around her sides. Emma’s whole body was hanging on for dear life. “Come for me, Little One,” Regina coaxed.

A sigh of relief nearly sobbed itself out of Emma’s mouth, and Regina felt the one underneath her clamp up and rock herself into the toy. Emma took in a few deep breaths before all of her limbs froze. Then a cry of relief and pleasure tumbled out of her mouth, right next to Regina’s ear.

“That’s a good girl,” Regina praised.

Emma’s orgasm sent her wailing, writhing in relief. “Oh yes!” she cried as she buried her face in Regina’s neck. “Thank you!”

Her peak lasted a while, and when Regina felt it begin to leave Emma behind with nothing but exhausted limbs, she didn’t pull the toy away. Emma’s breathing hitched as she realized what was about to happen, and she pulled Regina closer, her teeth coming down on Regina’s collarbone and suckling there pitifully. She let out a little trembling whimper that sounded like _Mama_ , but it was too weak for Regina to be sure.

“Sshh…” Regina whispered, nuzzling her lips next to Emma’s ear, the arm around her partner holding her even closer. All of her gestures were designed to calm her pleading girl, except for the hand holding the unrelenting wand. “Does my girl have another one for me, hm?”

“Oh…” Emma loosened her lips on Regina’s collarbone to release the moan, and another orgasm rushed through her. Regina felt it coat her hand as Emma came again, but still didn’t pull away. This time, those teeth came down hard on her skin, and a fire lit in Regina’s core.

Fuck, that felt good.

The vibrations of Emma’s moans went through Regina’s whole body. They were both buzzing with them along with the wand in between them. It took no time at all for Emma to come again, teeth losing their grip to scream out her release.

“ _There’s_ my good girl,” Regina praised, feeling a rush of warm liquid on her knuckles. Emma was beginning to squirt. Just how Regina liked it. “Oh baby…that’s it.”

“Mm…Mama…” the sound was so pitiful, so desperate, so colored by the motions of Emma’s whole body trembling uncontrollably against her. “Ma..unh!”

“Again,” Regina whispered calmly. “Again, my love.”

“C..can’t…” Emma grit out, and Regina had to bite back her giggle. Emma always insisted she couldn’t do something. Couldn’t come, couldn’t not come, couldn’t hold it. But Regina knew this body so well. Emma absolutely could. Regina would never put Emma through something she couldn’t handle.

“You know you can,” she answered. “I’m right here, baby.”

Regina felt the resolve as Emma accepted her fate, and hunkered down to allow her body to release again. She screamed right by Regina’s ear as her peak hit her. And when Regina still didn’t pull the toy away, she felt Emma’s teeth capture her earlobe.

Suddenly, the pressure in between Regina’s legs gave out, the ache letting go and bleeding into a feeling of immense relief, sending a rush of noises escaping her lips. She felt her panties drench themselves, and hugged Emma closer. “Fuck…” she grunted out. She’d just come from the mere feeling of Emma against her.

Emma noticed. She paused through being consumed by the beating her body was taking, and let go of Regina’s earlobe to moan in her ear. “Oh jesus…R’gina…” before her body seized up, and she came with such force that her release drenched the wand and Regina’s hand. But she wasn’t done. She came another time, right after the former, and her breathing sounded like she was sobbing uncontrollably. It completely overtook her, turning her into a screaming mess in Regina’s arms.

Regina pulled the toy away and threw it to the side with little thought, pulling Emma against her tighter to hold her close during this powerful peak. “I’m here,” she chanted. “I’m here. I’ve got you.”

The two rocked against one another, Emma’s wetness coating Regina’s jeans. Pulling Emma up into a hug, the two of them panted against the other’s shoulder as the warm liquid began to trickle out and finally stop.

Regina waited a long time for Emma to catch her breath, rubbing up and down the small of her back, the cheeks of her bottom, as gently as she could. Emma rocked against her at first, until slowly but surely, her exhaustion began to overtake her. Regina smiled to herself when she felt Emma’s breathing even out, and she realized that she was snoozing against her mama’s shoulder.

“Emma. Sweetheart,” Regina coaxed in a gentle whisper, loosening her grip and allowing Emma to lay against the mattress. Looking down, the site of Emma overtook her. Her body was flush, glistening with sweat, relaxed and peaceful. But when she felt Regina’s arms leave her, her eyes peeked open, and she gave a little whine as her arms reached out.

“Take a deep breath,” she said, putting a calming hand on Emma’s hip as she went to pull the plug out of her partner. Emma did as she was told, and the moment Regina took it out, Emma mewled at the loss. “Sshh…I’m right here. Close your eyes.”

Regina waited for Emma to do as she was told, and then took the toys into the bathroom and cleaned them, washing her hands and dampening a hand towel to bring back to her sleeping Little One. Emma was sprawled out on the bed, snoozing peacefully, sucking on her fingers. Getting Emma’s pacifier, she replaced Emma’s fingers with it and started to wipe her down. Emma had soaked the comforter and herself. When the wet cloth hit her vagina, she crooned in a state of half sleep.

Regina worked to pull the soiled comforter off of the bed, and grabbed a clean one from the closet. With Emma, she needed to have several on hand.

Coming back, Emma’s eyes were open, just barely. Hooded and black, they watched as Regina undressed and then joined her on the bed. She pulled the clean comforter over them and took the paci out of Emma’s mouth. Instead of complaining, Emma shifted down to latch onto a breast with just enough milk to suckle on for a little while. Regina gathered Emma in her arms and sighed, running a hand through Emma’s hair.

“My baby,” she cooed. “My beautiful girl…”

Emma moaned around her nipple, nuzzling in closer, making Regina smile as she tucked into Emma’s hair. She inhaled the scent of it, mixed with their sex. “So beautiful…”


	5. Knock Knock

Emma nearly spat out her coffee when Graham came up behind her and flopped a file down on her desk. “Thanks a lot,” she sneered as she wiped a few drops off of the manila folder. “What’s this?”

Graham sat down at his own desk next to hers, giving that sad smile he sometimes got when he was feeling particularly bad for someone. His conscience had been the deciding factor to leave behind the police force. He simply didn’t have the disposition to be driving around on patrol, ordering people around, and trying to assert lawful orders onto people. He was too much of a softie, Emma had come to realize, and had way too much of a head for books and running his own business. In the end, both parts had served him well: he was able to run the business with a level head, but his contacts from his time as a sheriff helped with their business.

He was piling the feeling bad for someone look on thick that morning as he gestured to the file. “A single mother. Her daughter is halfway through her junior year of college. She was supposed to go to school in California, but wanted to stay close to her mom. They’re inseparable.”

Emma raised her eyebrows, “And?” she prodded him to go on as she opened the file to look through it.

“And she disappeared three weeks ago.”

“The daughter?” Emma asked out loud as she began reading. It was a police report: a form that Emma was becoming more and more familiar with. She knew by now which places to look for what bits of information, and she scanned it, squinting to try and read the handwriting of whichever officer had filled it out.

Graham nodded. “She’s a night owl, Mom says. Usually takes afternoon classes and then stays out with her friends until the early morning. But she always calls in, always texts throughout the night, always comes back the next day.”

Emma read the date on the report. It had been two weeks since it was filled out.

“Mom was a little worried, but waited a couple of days to call the police. Anyway, when she did…”

“They didn’t do anything,” Emma finished the sentence for him. It was the age-old story: there’s no crime in an adult going missing unless there are signs of foul play. Anyone that was over the age of eighteen had the option to literally wake up one day, completely walk away from their life, and never be heard from again. Unless the cops had suspicions that the adult didn’t go willingly, they weren’t about to put resources into a case like that, no matter how out of character the family claims the action may be.

“Right,” Graham nodded again. “She says there’s no way her daughter wouldn’t at least call her. She thinks something bad’s happened to her.”

Emma sighed, and sat back. “Lilith Page,” she recited from the form. “Says here she’s studying biology and works as a waitress.”

“I want you on this,” Graham said. “Mom’s pretty broken up and very frustrated with the police. You have good instincts with these. And I think she could use a woman’s touch. I think you’ll serve her the best.”

“Alright,” Emma looked out the window to see that the sky was clearing up a bit after yesterday’s heavy snow fall. She could go see the woman now.

Just as she got up and reached for her coat, the door to the office opened, revealing August and Zelena in the middle of a back and forth. A gust of freezing air flowed in, and Emma made quicker work of getting her jacket on as they brought their argument inside.

“All I’m saying,” August was talking loudly to try and drown out Zelena’s scoffs of annoyance, “is that it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world as long as you dressed for it.”

Emma watched as Zelena’s eyes nearly fell out of her head with how far back they rolled. “You’re not getting me on that death trap in this weather, and that’s that! Hello, Little Dove.” Zelena’s voice changed dramatically as she brought Emma into a hug. She was wearing a thick black peacoat and a fedora hat to match, making her flaming red hair really pop out.

Emma hugged her back. “Hi ZeeZee,” she said quietly as she finished putting her coat on.

“You off to see my sister?” Zelena asked, taking her hand out of her leather glove to wipe the lipstick that she had just smudged on Emma’s cheek off.

“Got a new client,” Emma lifted up the folder as if to make her point.

“Em, tell her that the motorcycle is fun in the snow,” August pleaded.

Emma’s eyes got big, and she gave him a pointed look, but it was too late. Zelena’s mouth dropped open and she spun on him. “You put _Emma_ on that two-wheeled suicide machine in the _snow_!?”

Emma tried to stutter out an answer as Zelena twisted back around to give her the same accusing stare. “It…was…like two winters ago…” she tried. Truth be told, she’d had a lot of fun spinning donuts in an abandoned parking lot one afternoon when the two of them were bored. The ice was slushy, and they’d hydroplaned a couple of times, but hadn’t been going fast enough to really eat it too bad. Unfortunately, Emma didn’t think that was an argument she should try with Zelena.

When Zelena turned back around to August, Emma gave him wide eyes, trying to get him to shut up. August looked about as red as Zelena’s hair, clearly wishing he could eat his words. “And really…fun?” he went with.

Emma’s forehead fell in her hands so hard she could hear the smack.

Zelena straightened herself, and Emma saw that pinched look she got where her lips puckered, and her nose flared. But Zelena took a deep breath, and leaned up to kiss August’s cheek. “Dinner at seven. Hopefully, by then, I’ll have forgiven you.” She was clearly joking, Emma thought, but she also heard an edge in Zelena’s voice. It was one she recognized well; Regina sometimes had it too. The two sisters didn’t look much alike, but they really had a lot of traits in common.

August gave her a sheepish grin and nodded. “Kay, yeah.”

When Zelena leaned into kiss Emma goodbye, she sounded much more genuine in her sweetness. “See you tonight, darling girl.”

When Zelena left, Emma rolled her eyes at August. “Dude, you couldn’t dig yourself a deeper hole if I literally handed you a shovel.”

August’s shoulders slumped, and he rubbed his neck. “Yeah, I know.”

Emma huffed as she started to take her leave. “Just try not to take me down with you next time. See you guys later. I’m going home after this.”

***

“Isn’t she beautiful?” Mal Page handed Emma a picture of a young woman that Emma didn’t have the heart to tell her she already had in the file. She looked at it anyway. A brunette with sharp features smiled back at her, hazel eyes holding a few haunts that Emma recognized all too well. She nodded in agreement. “I wasn’t the perfect mother,” Mal admitted. She didn’t look much different from her daughter. They both had piercing eyes and their jaws set the same way. “She didn’t know her father, and I had a rough go of it when she was little. I didn’t know anything about children. I drank maybe too much. But the older she got, the more I saw myself in her, and before I knew it…”

“You were best friends,” Emma finished.

“Do you have children, Miss Swan?”

Emma shook her head and prepared for the various phrases that typically followed her answer: that one day her life would change, that if she didn’t want them now it was just a phase and she would eventually. Emma hadn’t ever been the type to dream about children. And she knew from her own experience that if she wasn’t willing to put everything on the line for that dream, she had no business giving motherhood a shot. Even so, most people didn’t seem to understand that. They thought that because of what was between her legs, she was destined to do it, and there was something wrong with her if she didn’t want it.

But Mal Page didn’t say any of those things. She simply gave Emma a smile. “I always tell Lily don’t do what I did. It’s okay to be a single mom, but try and be as prepared as possible. But she’s never really shown any interest. She’s a hard worker, a good student. She’s devoted to her studies. Not that you can’t do both, but she’s just never talked about wanting kids. I mean, she’s still young…”

“What is she studying?” Emma flipped through a few more papers, noting that the woman in front of her looked as though she could use a good meal and a few hours of sleep, both of which had probably fallen to the wayside since her daughter hadn’t come home.

“Biology,” Mal Page perked up, and Emma saw a new spark of pride show in the eyes that were almost an unsettling light blue. “She loves reptiles. God knows why,” she gave a laugh. “She used to bring home lizards she found in the garden as a girl. Scared me half to death with those creepy crawly things. She tried to bring home a pet snake once, but I had to put my foot down. Anyway, she wants to do field study. She likes being out in the thick of it.”

Emma laughed with her, but then turned her voice down to a more serious tone. “Miss Page, before your daughter disappeared, did anything seem out of the ordinary to you? Was she acting strange or keeping weird hours or anything like that?”

The woman’s smile turned down, and Emma saw her jaw lock up as she swallowed. She shook her head as her eyes went far away in memory. “I’ve gone over it so many times in my head. I mean, she worked a lot and kept fifteen units at school, so weird hours were sort of normal for her. She liked to party after work with some of her coworkers. Sometimes she’d be out until the sun came up. But that never stopped her from keeping in touch. She always texted if she’d been out too late or coming home really early. I mean, she did seem more quiet than usual, but I thought that the new semester was about to start, and she was trying to prepare.”

Emma’s ears perked up. “Quiet?”

Mal sighed. “Look, I’m not going to sugar coat it. My daughter can be a little rough around the edges. When I was drinking, I put her through a lot. So sometimes…she can be moody. Those last few days, she was in one of those moods. But usually, when she’s like that, she’s snappy or just irritable. This was different. This was…” she paused to think. “My daughter isn’t known to keep her thoughts to herself. But those last few days, she seemed really stuck in her own head. I tried to talk to her, but she just said she was stressed.”

Emma bit her bottom lip, but before she could recover the look, the worried mother caught it and her eyes widened. “What?”

Emma forced a smile, and looked down at the police report again. Lilith Page, age twenty-two, last seen Friday, January 18th at around 9pm by her mother Mal Page. Subject doesn’t own a vehicle, but takes public transportation regularly.

“What is it?” the woman persisted.

Emma sighed and looked up. “How did Lily seem during her finals last semester?”

Clearly taken aback by the question, Mal took a moment to answer. “I don’t know…um…usual. She was stressed, but focused. Snappy, like I said, but that was normal. She took a few days off of work to study. Once they were done, she seemed fine. Why?”

“She’d been off during the winter break for a couple of weeks by the time she’d disappeared, right?”

“Almost a month.”

“Did she already register for her classes?”

Mal Page nodded and got up. “The week before. Here,” she walked quickly to a hutch in the living room and pulled out a sheet of paper, handing it to Emma. It was a list of classes and their unit numbers. Lilith Page’s name was listed on top. “She’d gotten into all of them. No waiting list.”

“So,” Emma looked up from the form. “Two weeks before the new semester even starts, no studies, all classes she wanted holding a position for her, and she seemed even more stressed out than during finals? Did that seem odd to you?”

A breath left Mal, and she stared at Emma with her mouth partially open, taking in the information. It seemed to be the first time she had considered this. Finally, she shrugged, looking defeated and even more tired than at the start of their conversation. “All I know, is that my daughter wouldn’t just take off and not say anything. She went to work one night, and just never came home. The police won’t do anything. She’s an adult, they said. She can do what she wants. But Miss Swan, she’s a good student in the middle of her degree, she has a good job, we weren’t fighting. There was absolutely no reason for her to walk away from her life. Something has happened to my daughter,” her voice broke in that last sentence, and Emma saw her eyes welling up with tears.

Emma leaned forward and spoke softly. “You’re positive your daughter didn’t mention anything to you. Nothing that caught your attention?”

The woman closed her eyes and sighed, trying to compose herself. She shook her head. “No. But, she’d been taking a few more shifts at the restaurant on her break. She always stayed out after her shifts with her friends at work.”

“Did she have any other close friends? A boyfriend or girlfriend that I can contact?”

“No,” Mal smiled sadly. “She was something of a loner. If anyone is her best friend, it’s me. But her work friends were the others she’d see in her spare time. Maybe…maybe you could go talk to them?”

Emma nodded her head. She had every intention of doing just that.

***

“You know,” Zelena said through bites of her salad, nodding to Regina’s coffee mug. “In England, if you were to go into a café and ask them for ‘cream’ for your coffee, they’d look at you as if you had just grown a second head.”

“I know,” Regina sipped her soup, not looking up at her sister. “You dragged me there ten years ago, and I’m never going back.”

Zelena rolled her eyes. “All because you prefer humid summers?”

Regina snorted as she picked up her coffee. She looked out the window of the bistro she and Zelena were having lunch in, and for a moment couldn’t believe that the grey and white outside could ever turn that blue and gold of summer.

“So,” Zelena crunched on her salad, not bothering to swallow before talking. “What’d you drag me here for? I have a client in an hour.”

Regina put her mug down and pursed her lips. This was it: the last moment she could back out of sharing this with her sister. She could make something up, or she could go through with it. Truth be told, as anxious as she was to discuss what she had to discuss, she also felt like she needed to tell somebody. And if she couldn’t tell her sister, who could she tell? Her nerves had been all over the place since she’d made the decision. She needed to talk to someone. And unlike any other situation, Emma was not the one she could talk to about it.

Forget it, she shrugged inwardly. The more she thought about it, the more she needed to vent. So she leaned over to her purse that was hanging from her chair, and pulled out the box.

She saw Zelena’s eyes watching her closely as she put it on the table. Her hand hovered over it, as if not doing so would take away any protection she’d kept over it for a week now. When she’d first purchased it, she put it in the only place she could think Emma wouldn’t find it: her work office at the courthouse, locked in the top drawer of her desk. It had been there ever since, save for the numerous times she’d taken it out just to look at it, pivot it in between her fingers as she mulled over the various ways she was considering pulling this off. To just sit it on top of a table in a public restaurant felt like removing the imaginary force field she’d had over it.

However, before she could even tear her hovering hand away, Zelena reached over and snatched it quickly. Her eyes flicked to Regina before she opened the box to see the ring sitting in its cushion. Regina felt her chest tighten as she watched. She’d only opened it a few times, not wanting to do anything to sully the treasure inside.

“Fucking hell,” Zelena breathed. “You’re goddamned proposing to her.”

Groaning, Regina rested her elbows on the table and hid her face behind her hands. There it was: out of the bag…or box. She nodded once. “Theoretically.”

“What the bloody hell is that supposed to mean? It’s about time you sealed that deal!” Zelena exclaimed, taking the ring out and looking it over before moving to put it on her finger.

Regina’s butt was out of her chair and she quickly leaned over to pluck the ring from Zelena’s hands. “Don’t you dare,” she snarled.

Zelena laughed. “Just messing with you, Bun. But honestly, what do you mean ‘theoretically’?”

Sighing, Regina reached for the box on the table and gingerly put the ring back in its place before snapping the lid closed. “I mean I have no idea how to.”

At that, Zelena laughed again. “What, do you want to hire an actress to practice on? Nobody knows how to, you idiot. You just do it.”

Regina set her face and stared at her sister. “Great. Thanks. I’m so glad I came to you about this,” she said dryly.

Zelena’s face softened at that, and she stopped all of her busying with her hands to focus her attention on her sister. “What I mean is, Emma is completed enamored with you. The two of you, I’ve never seen a bond like it. It’s scary and gross and pathetic and sickeningly romantic and all of us envy the hell out of the two of you. You’re both head over heels, crazy in love. What are you so worried about? Do you think she’d say no?”

Regina paused, going over all of the words Zelena had just spewed out. Her sister was right: she and Emma shared a unique bond. When they had moved in together, Emma worried that they would get sick of each other (or, more specifically, that Regina would get sick of Emma), but the opposite was true. They couldn’t get enough of each other. So much so that they had to make a point to schedule time with their other friends so that they didn’t isolate themselves. Of all the things that had happened with the two of them in the past year and a half, it didn’t put a strain on their relationship like it would have others. It made them stronger. There wasn’t a single part of Regina that wasn’t completely devoted to Emma, and from all she could see, Emma felt the same about her.

That didn’t mean marriage wasn’t a big step.

She put her head in her hands and blew out a huge breath. “I guess I’m just nervous,” she mumbled.

“Good,” Zelena sounded cheery as ever as she took a sip of her wine. “That means you’re not a sociopath.”

Looking up, Regina gave Zelena the Mills family look; the one that told the other how stupid they thought they were. “Oh, thank god. I was worried there for a minute,” she deadpanned.

Zelena rolled her eyes and leaned forward to scoot the ring closer to her sister. “Put that away. I want to puke just looking at it. And if you chicken out proposing to my niece, I’ll never let you hear the end of it.”

Putting the ring back in her bag, Regina’s face twisted. “You know, referring to her as your niece while you talk to me about proposing to her is only a tad creepy.”

At that, Zelena picked her wine back up, and scoffed into the glass before taking a large gulp. “Don’t look at me. You two are the ones with the weird mommy kink.”

Narrowing her eyes at her sister, Regina turned her lip up, but didn’t say anything.

“Speaking of which,” Zelena put the glass down and gave Regina the first serious eye since she’d given her little speech about proposing. “Have you heard from her?”

Regina felt a little rush of anxiety at the mention of their mother. When Cora had announced that she was going rogue and spending the rest of her days traveling, Regina had initially thought the whole idea sounded romantic. But when the reality hit that her mother did in fact just leave the country by herself and not come back for months and months, it started to be more worrisome. An older woman out there on her own, nothing to ground her, no connections in the outer world, no trips back home for breaks, made Regina nervous. Particularly since after years of their relationship living on the rocks, she and Cora had finally begun to bond with one another. She felt like she’d gained and lost a mother all at once.

She shook her head. “Last postcard was from Sri Lanka. She sent Emma a handmade scarf from India two months ago.”

Zelena snorted as she gulped another sip of her wine. “Watch her write us out of the will and leave the entire family fortune to Emma. No phone calls?”

Regina shook her head. “No phone calls.”

Zelena grunted before finishing off her wine. “Well, maybe she’ll be home to make the wedding,” Zelena said offhandedly, but the implication hit Regina harder than she anticipated. Her and Emma…having a wedding.

She was knocked out of the reverie by a kiss on top of her head. “You pay. I’m in a hurry. Love you, Bun.”

Rolling her eyes, Regina sighed and looked at the table. She’d barely touched her food while her sister had devoured her meal. “Yeah. Great.”

She felt her hair being ruffled. “Stop worrying so much,” Zelena laughed, “and just make The Brat an official member of the Mills Loony Bin.”

***

Emma reached home just in time for her bug to die from the snow flurry coming through the harbor. Looking at her phone, she could see she had room to finish up some paperwork and chop up the vegetables Regina needed for the salad. They were due at Ruby and Zelena’s for the usual Monday dinner night in just a few hours, and Regina made really amazing salad dressing and homemade croutons that everybody loved so much, she had to make a huge portion. Emma liked surprising her by chopping up all of the fixings and putting them in baggies so Regina could just pop them into the mix later.

She’d been instructed to clean her room before story time the previous evening, and she was glad for it when she finally sat down at her desk. She had a difficult time working in clutter, but sometimes when she was Little, clutter was something that was created naturally. Luckily, Regina was good at reminding her to keep things in order. Emma liked working from home. It was quiet, she could focus, and it was soothing to be surrounded by all of her things.

Her books were put away: a wide range of large-print children’s books to young adult chapbooks that Emma could pick for Regina to read to her depending on the mood. The night before, they had just dove into A Series of Unfortunate Events, and Emma was immediately mesmerized. She’d managed to keep herself awake for four whole chapters before Mama finally put an end to it and got her to sleep.

On top of her desk were her journals. The first she had written and drawn in from start to finish, the one on top was a new edition that Zelena had bought for her. Emma opened it to remind herself of her latest entry.

_Sometimes Regina knows my feelings before I know I’m feeling them. I think it’s a good thing that she knows me so well, but she says I need to pay more attention to my emotions so I don’t get overwhelmed. I know she’s right. But I was never taught to pay any attention to them. Its hard to learn new things as an adult. When you’re a kid and you learn things, they become like second nature to you. But when you’re an adult, you’re lucky if they become third or fourth. They aren’t natural. You have to be conscious of it._

_Today, August brought an old wooden sled to the office. He said his dad made it for him when he was a kid and it’s been sitting in his garage. He refurbished it and gave it to me. Probably the nicest thing he’s ever done._

_Another thing that doesn’t come natural is knowing how to react when I get gifts. I never had one when I was young._

At the bottom of the page, Emma had sketched out the sled.

She smiled to herself and closed the book, sighing as she finally turned her attention to the computer to look up a few things on Lily Page. She figured she’d start with the university, maybe talk to the head of Lily’s program and see if Lily had been having any problems with grades or anything else. She’d learned that sometimes students who felt they had too much pressure to succeed from their parents did regretful things. If Lily wasn’t doing good in school, it could have made sense to her to walk out instead of facing her mom, at least for a little while. Emma would find out who the head was and make an appointment to see if that idea had any teeth.

As her computer loaded and she searched for the university website, the doorbell rang.

Emma started, and then looked down at the clock on her monitor. It was one thirty on a Monday afternoon, and the weather outside was getting worse by the minute. Who would be at the door? She tried to remember if she or Regina had ordered anything online recently, but nothing came to mind. Getting up, she went out to the entryway and called before she opened the door. “Coming!”

Before turning the knob, she looked out at the peephole. Nothing.

Somebody must have left a package, she thought as she opened the door. She had already started leaning down so she could find it when her forehead almost smacked into somebody else’s.

“Woah!” Emma felt her heart jump into her throat, and she jumped back, eyes wide in surprise. A person about four feet tall was standing there, looking at her with giant eyes. “Uh…” Emma gave a half smile when she realized it was a kid. A boy. Brown hair, freckled nose, dressed in a heavy grey peacoat and a backpack strapped around him that made him look like he had an oversized turtle shell. “…are you…selling something?”

The little boy looked wildly at her, and then down at a piece of paper that was in his hand. “Is this,” he glanced back up, “where Emma Swan lives?”

Emma stared at him for a moment. “Maybe. Who are you?”

The boy’s eyes lit up, and he stuck a finger in her face. She noted that he had to reach pretty high to keep the aim right. “Are _you_ Emma Swan?” he asked, ignoring her question.

“Look, kid, are you lost or something?” Emma asked nervously. She’d met a lot of people in her line of work, and not all of them wished her well. The amount of petty thieves, embezzlers, assaulters, and drug dealers she’d helped put behind bars took up a decent percentage of Boston’s criminal population, and she knew from personal experience that there were plenty of adults in that world who wouldn’t think twice about bringing a kid into a bad situation. If he was there to deliver a threatening note at the very least, or a package with a severed head at the very worst, she really needed to choose her next movements carefully.

“No,” he said simply. “I’m looking for Emma Swan.” He didn’t seem to be very perturbed by her nervousness. He just looked up at her with what seemed to Emma to be hope in his eyes.

“Okay,” she shrugged cautiously, keeping her hand firmly on her door in case she needed to slam it in his face. Her thoughts raced as to where her cell phone was if she needed to run to it quick. It was on her desk in her room. “I’m Emma Swan. Now tell me why you’re looking for me.”

The moment was getting stranger and stranger as the boy’s face lit up. His mouth gaped open to show a row of newly-grown adult teeth that made it clear it would take a while to grow into them. He seemed very, very happy with her news; a little too happy for her theory that he was a kid sent here by someone to cause her trouble. “Really?”

“Yeah,” she nodded with big eyes, showing she was getting pretty fed up with the mystery of who this kid was. “Really. Your turn. Who are you?”

She saw him bounce a couple of times on the balls of his feet as his smile spread even wider on his face, a motion that Emma couldn’t help but realize she did pretty often when she was Little and excited about something. “My name’s Henry. I’m your brother.”

Emma stared at him. And stared.

And stared some more.

“My…you’re what?” the words hadn’t even registered in her head before she said them. They just sort of fell out at the same time her brain flatlined. Brother wasn’t a word that computed just then.

“Your brother!” he gave a little laugh, as if her question was ridiculous. “Your mom is my mom.”

“I…” Emma felt her face pinching in extreme discomfort. In the past ten seconds, she had heard two words that were never used when referencing any real relation to her: brother and mom. “…don’t…have a mom,” she went with.

Amazingly, the little boy called Henry just rolled his eyes, and gave her another smile that August sometimes used when he was about to make fun of her. “Everyone has a mom,” he said, and snuck right under her arm and entered the apartment without another word.

“Hey!” Emma jumped back as if the touch might cause her serious bodily harm. When her brain caught up with what he was doing, she closed the door and followed behind him anxiously. “What are you doing? You can’t just come into my…”

“Wow! Look at this place!” the boy said loudly, sluffing his backpack off and letting it drop to the middle of the living room floor. Books and papers sprawled out of its open zipper and onto the carpet. Without even a second glance at it, he padded over to the window and looked out at the docks. “You can see the whole city from up here!” He pressed his face and hands against the window, leaving a series of greasy prints in his wake.

Emma realized that she’d stopped dead and was just staring at him with her jaw joining the backpack on the floor, as he ran from one side of the room to the other, pressing his forehead against the glass and looking out at the harbor as the streaks on the windows multiplied. He looked behind his shoulder and gave her an impressed look. The look she gave back couldn’t have been anything friendly, but he didn’t seem to notice. He just started looking around the room until his eyes fell on her and Regina’s Blu-ray collection. Running towards it, he skidded on his knees and his eyes went wider, if that was even possible. “You have the entire Star Wars and MCU collection in here!? That’s amazing!”

Still not answering, Emma found that she was shaking her head in bewilderment, staring at him as if he were a mountain lion, and not a little boy, who had infiltrated her living room. He got back on his feet, and started making all kinds of gestures with his hands. “Remember in the first Avengers, when Loki was telling Hulk he was a big awesome god and then Hulk just picked him up and…” he punched his hands in the air to mimic the scene.

“I’m sorry,” Emma cut him off. His incessant talking finally snapped Emma out of her shock, and she put up her hands as if to fend off a curveball. “Hailey…”

“Henry,” he corrected.

“Sure. Whatever. Look, I don’t know where you got my name, or what somebody told you, but I promise you, I don’t have a brother.”

For the first time since entering the apartment, Henry’s smile vanished, and he dove his eyebrows down to give her a serious look. “Yes you do,” he said simply.

Emma sighed, and as she looked at him, she felt an overwhelming sadness suddenly hit her. It came out of nowhere, and was almost as jarring as this boy just showing up unannounced. Later she would realize it was because she recognized the look on his face. She knew it only too well. That look of wanting, wishing.

“No, I don’t.” It was the first time she’d spoken softly to him, her expression sympathetic as she gave him a sad smile. “Look, you might be a little too young to understand this but…I don’t have a family. I never did. My dad? Good question as to who the guy even was. And my mom, she…”

“…was hooked on heroin and dropped you off at a fire station when you were a baby. They told her she could get herself better and try to get you back. But she never came back.”

The silence that followed felt strong enough to swallow up the entire city. For a moment, it felt like Emma herself had been swallowed up with it. This blotch on the history parchment of her life was so indecipherable, she’d never even talked about it. At one of her therapy sessions last year, Archie had broached the subject with her. Emma hadn’t delved far into the conversation. Once, Regina had mentioned how she felt about her own father’s abandonment, and Emma had told her she understood. She did understand it. She understood that those left behind were left to wonder: did the abandoners do it for selfish reasons, or did they just think the abandonees were better off without them?

Who knew? Emma hadn’t dwelled on it very much. She had never been one of those orphans who’d spent a lot of time wondering where she’d come from. She remembered some of the children she’d grown up with in the system who were obsessed with finding out who their parents were, some who clung to hope that one day their family would return, others who were moderately curious and planned to find out and search when they were adults. Emma had never been any variation of these kids. Even so, because of her job, she was able to track people down in places where most couldn’t with systems and websites that were not open to the general public. Years ago, she’d gotten curious and looked her mother up by the information on her birth certificate presented to her on her eighteenth birthday. But nothing in there had surprised her much. Looking back at her was a mug shot of a forty-something-year-old woman who looked three times that age, hardened by years of drug abuse and living on and off the streets, hallowed cheekbones and dead eyes.

Emma looked back, and found that she didn’t feel anything. Didn’t know the woman behind the photo, and didn’t want to know her. Didn’t feel the slightest hint of emotion. She was just looking at a dreadful reminder of where she’d come from and where she absolutely never wanted to end up.

And that was that, she’d moved on. She had always been much more focused on where she was going instead of where she’d come from. In truth, she had always struggled more with wondering if not having strong emotions about her mother meant there was something wrong with her wiring than actually having those strong emotions. But to have that history hitting the soundwaves around her felt like a warp back to that place she never wanted to be.

And worse was that the narrator was a little boy, who was claiming that after tossing her away, her mother had gone out and had another one. But she couldn’t believe that, even as she felt a sudden flare of panic when she realized that the freckles she’d noticed earlier on his nose matched her own.

“How did you know that?” Her voice was low, quiet, but it broke that awful silence that had threatened to send her reeling deeper into her mind.

The smile on the little boy’s face didn’t return as he looked at her. The mop of sandy hair on top of his head was falling into his eyes, but he didn’t move to push it away. He seemed just as stuck to his spot as she was to hers. “Because she was my mom too,” he said.

Emma shook her head, the glass around her disbelief starting to crack. “That doesn’t make any sense…” she mumbled, realizing that her head had fallen into her hands, and she was rubbing her face hard. “How old are you?” she asked through her fingers. She didn’t know why she’d asked it. As if it made a difference. As if his age could prove or disprove a single word he was saying.

At this, she saw his face start to light up again, and he stuck his chin out importantly. “Almost ten.” The tone of his voice had turned upbeat quickly, and he looked passed Emma. She saw him spot something with his eyes, and they widened. “No way!”

Emma found herself leaping away as the boy ran passed her and into the kitchen. Her eyes followed him as he ran to the counter and grabbed the giant Hershey’s candy bar that Zelena had bought for her the other day. It had caused quite the scene once Regina saw it, but Emma had promised that she would only eat a piece at a time and only after dinner. Although Regina still shot Zelena death stares, Emma had been allowed to keep it as long as she’d kept her promise. So far, she’d only eaten two squares, and she was pretty sure Regina was keeping close count that no more disappeared before dinner time.

Henry’s hands found the bar and the wrapper crinkled under his fingers.

“Dude…hey!” Emma squealed as Henry snapped three whole squares off.

“Oh my god, this thing is massive!” he screamed over her, stuffing one of the squares in his mouth. “I habenn eated aww day!”

Emma was about to snatch the remaining two pieces out of his hands, but stopped herself just in time to realize she was about to manhandle a child. Instead, her hands lingered in the air and she clenched her fists, giving a long scoff of annoyance. She could kiss dessert goodbye tonight, she grumbled inwardly. Regina was going to take the candy bar away once she saw that so much of it was gone.

Sighing in defeat, Emma broke herself off a couple of squares to make up for the lack of treat she would have that evening.

“So what, she hasn’t taught you any manners?” she asked as she stuffed on in her mouth and munched on it moodily.

“Who?” Henry asked as he finished the first square and stuffed another one in his mouth. Already, chocolate was melting on his hands, and was staining the corners of his mouth.

“The lady who you’re convinced is both our mom,” Emma grumbled around the candy.

Henry’s eyes went dark, and he stopped mid-chew and gaped at her for so long that Emma got a weird feeling in her stomach. But before she could ask what was wrong, she heard the keys in the front door.

Regina was home.


	6. The Visitor

“Emma,” Regina called as she closed the front door behind her and unzipped her coat. She hung it up along with her purse in the entryway. “I’m home.”

Nobody answered her, but Regina thought for a moment she heard a voice she didn’t recognized coming from the kitchen. Emma must have been watching something on her phone, as it sounded like a child.

“Really? Your girlfriend? Cool!” said the voice, and then Regina stopped dead in her tracks as somebody met her halfway to the kitchen.

Definitely a child. And he wasn’t in a video on Emma’s phone. He was standing in her kitchen entryway, looking up at her with a huge toothy smile that despite her shock, Regina could have sworn she’d seen somewhere before.

“Oh!” she froze and stared down at him as he began playing with the red and gray scarf around his neck.

“Hi!” he practically yelled, causing Regina to start in even more surprise. He had chocolate on the corners of his mouth.

“Hel-lo?” Regina was aware that her voice really didn’t sound like her own. It was nearly high pitched enough to match the little boy in front of her.

“Harvey! Wait!” Emma came crashing in on them, and before Regina could think of a single thing to say, the little boy reeled on Emma.

“Henry!” he said, slumping his shoulders in clear annoyance. “My name is _Henry_!” He turned back to Regina with his chocolatey smile. Sticking out his hand, he yelled: “what’s yours?”

“Uh…Re…gina?” Regina wasn’t a stutterer. She was very used to being put on the spot in court and having to find her words quickly. However, at this moment, it was hard finding her own name. There was a child in her house, and the sound of her father’s name out loud sent a shocking pang down Regina’s spine. But before that familiar emotion of sadness had time to sink in, the boy was off.

“Your house is so cool!” he ran into the living room, and Regina snapped her neck to follow his movements.

She twisted to Emma to ask what the hell was going on, but Emma began running after him, and Regina was left standing in the entryway with her mouth hanging open.

She was confused. She was very, very confused.

“There’s like, a million boats down there!” the little boy called, prompting Regina’s feet to unglue themselves and go into the living room, where she found an unfamiliar backpack on the floor with books and papers trailing around it, Emma grabbing the scarf that had once been around the boy’s neck off of the coffee table, an unimaginable amount of chocolate smear marks all over her windows, and…

Yup…there was still a child.

“Uh, Emma…” she started, but her girlfriend just looked back at her with an expression that told Regina she was going to be absolutely no help in clearing up any confusion. Emma looked pale, maybe even shocked, and certainly at a loss of how to handle whatever it was that was happening here. However, the look Emma gave her did prompt Regina to snap out of her initial shock, and she finally found her voice. “Hey…Henry? Is that right?” It sounded strange on her tongue. She never said her father’s name out loud. Familiar and foreign all at once, Regina swallowed that strange emotion that always overtook her when she thought about him.

The boy turned around and smiled at her, and again Regina had the strangest sense of déjà vu. Who was this boy? She could have sworn she’d seen him somewhere before.

She smiled back at him. “Can you come sit down next to me?” she asked kindly, taking a seat on the couch, and patting the cushion next to her.

The boy sprang into action, skipping his way around the coffee table and bouncing down next to Regina. She smiled in familiarity. When Emma was Little and in “zoom mode” she did the same thing. Regina brushed a bit of his too long mop away from his eyes and wiped a smudge of chocolate off of the corner of his mouth.

If he was bothered by a stranger performing the gesture, he didn’t show it. Instead, he dove into monologue. “Last summer, they brought a real pirate ship into the harbor, and my friend Grace and I went out to see it, and…”

“Henry,” Regina raised her eyebrows and spoke over him to gently interrupt. “I’d love to hear all about the pirate ship. Really. But first, I’d like you to tell me who you are and why you’re here?”

His face dropped instantly. “Oh. That,” he looked over at Emma. “She doesn’t believe me,” he said, sounding a little hurt.

“I didn’t say that,” Emma started, but Regina could tell that the words were dying on her lips. She still looked shocked into freeze mode, completely lost with what was happening.

“Pretty much,” Henry started swinging his feet. They didn’t even come close to reaching the floor. He pointed at Emma. “She’s my sister.”

“I’m…sorry?” Regina had prepared herself for a few odd scenarios here. Maybe Emma found him crying in the apartment hallway, so she brought him inside and they were waiting for the police to find out where he lived. Maybe he was selling something for boy scouts and Emma got way too into whatever he was selling and invited him inside. Maybe he was a child burglar and Emma came home early and caught him red-handed. A couple were far-fetched, but all plausible. Way more plausible than what he had just asserted.

She blinked, not able to hide the incredulous smile that came over her face. As ridiculous as all of her own imaginings had been, he’d just topped her. “Oh, honey. No. That’s…”

“It’s true!” he said, twisting his body to face her head-on, eyes wide and insistent, face slackened with what looked like frustration. “We have the same mom!”

And as Regina was about to give him a rebuttal, she stopped dead. Her breath caught in her throat before another word could come out of her mouth.

That look. She knew that look. She’d been wrong: she didn’t know this boy. She’d never seen him in her life. But she’d seen those eyes, that look, a thousand times. In fact, darting her own at her partner, Emma was wearing said expression at that very moment.

Regina shook herself out of it. No way. That wasn’t possible.

Was it?

She thought back. Emma never talked about her parents. She’d mentioned one time that her mother had been a drug addict who’d abandoned her, but that was the extent of it. In reality, Regina didn’t know enough to say for absolute certainty that Emma didn’t have more family out there.

Emma, looking harassed and panicked, ran her hands through her hair and let out a deep sigh. “Look, kid,” she started, not unkindly, but showing clear unease. “If somebody told you I was your sister, that isn’t proof. It could be a mix up or something, it could…”

“Nobody told me anything!” Henry cut her off, feet still kicking underneath him as his heels hit the sofa. “This Christmas, Mr. Duncan went on vacation with his family? And Miss Gene isn’t very smart. She’s easy to sneak around. So I broke into my file in the office. That’s how I learned about you.”

“Wait…” Regina stopped him. “Office? What are…”

But there was a little squeak that had come out of Emma, one that Regina knew well. Worriedly, she flashed her eyes toward her partner. She saw the wheels in Emma’s head turning. Fast.

“It said the name of my mom on my birth certificate,” Henry went on, completely missing the reactions he was causing as he ticked off the various points on his fingers. “And it had a thing in there about a passed ‘inmate’ that I was related to. And there you were! So then I went fishing for your file. It’s still there, you know.”

By this point, Regina was completely lost in translation. Something about an office and a Mr. Duncan and a not smart woman and being an inmate who found a birth certificate… She didn’t get any of it.

But Regina could see by the look on her face and that little sound she had made that Emma had understood every single word.

“Mercy House,” Emma whispered almost to herself, her skin turning a frightening shade of ash. “You live at Mercy House?”

The way her voice shook told Regina that the revelation caused Emma serious pain. She looked thunderstruck.

Henry nodded enthusiastically, and Regina could see the smile on his face saying he was happy that Emma was finally getting it. “Yeah! Me and Grace and Violet broke in. Grace didn’t find anything, but Violet found out she had a dad that lived in Ohio. She called him, and he didn’t answer, but she said she’s gunna try again. There’s a cell phone we’re aloud to use? And last week, I…”

“You…you’re in the system?”

Emma’s voice cut through Henry’s monolog like a paring knife. As if she’d just caught up with what he had said several sentences ago.

Henry stopped talking and looked Emma’s way. For the first time, Regina saw the energy leave him, and his mouth turned down in a deep frown. She saw him chew on the insides of his cheeks, and a rush of emotions hit Regina as she watched him doing it. If she’d been asked to identify those emotions, she wouldn’t have been able to: panic at the familiarity of what he was doing, so like Emma, or affection, or something far, far more complex.

“They didn’t even let her take me from the hospital,” Henry said solemnly.

Emma’s whole frame sagged, and her face fell into her hands. Regina watched, pain seeping into her chest at the emotions clearly going through her partner. For a moment, everything was quiet. The air was so thick that it felt as though it were impossible for it to be cold outside. It felt so warm in there.

“Mr. Duncan,” Emma mumbled around her hands before finally lifting her head up and nearly screaming, “is still the director at fucking Mercy House!?” The moment she said it, she clamped her hands over her mouth, and Henry laughed.

“What is Mercy House?” Regina interjected, making a point to keep her voice calm, but it didn’t do any good. Emma nearly jumped out of her skin as her eyes flashed Regina’s way, as if she was surprised to realize Regina was in the room with them.

“Hell on Earth,” Henry said with a giggle, looking back at Regina. Another sweep of recognition with that smile ran through Regina’s whole body. Oh god…this little boy…was it possible?

Sighing, Regina tried to smile back, and leaned down closer to him, speaking softly. “Well, whatever the case may be, I’m sure somebody’s looking for you right now. Yes?”

Henry’s face fell again, and he shrugged, looking down. Guilty.

“I missed three o’clock check in,” he admitted. Regina swallowed a lump. That sounded so…clinical. Relation to Emma or no, here was this little boy full of curiosity and clearly a bit of spunk Regina recognized well from a certain someone, and the only thing he had to say to somebody missing him was that he had been absent from a check in.

It seemed to effect Emma too, but it wasn’t the same emotional reaction Regina was feeling. She raised her head and gave Henry wide eyes. “Great,” she breathed out. “I’ve officially been harboring a runaway for an hour.”

Regina’s eyes widened at that, and she was about to say something before Emma leaned down and started stuffing Henry’s things back into his bag. He looked down at her nervously, sitting at the edge of the couch. “What are you doing?” he asked, caution painting his words.

“We’ve gotta take you back…” Emma mumbled as she kept at her task.

“What!?” Henry nearly jumped a foot in the air, and he slid all the way back onto the couch and raised his knees up to his chest. Regina noted that his shoes still had muddy snow on them, and were now being wiped off on her couch. Somehow, she couldn’t bring herself to be upset by it. Instead, she felt an immediate reaction to his sudden panic. “You can’t take me back there!” he yelled.

Emma’s head snapped up, and she gave Henry what Regina suspected Emma thought was a good stern glower. However, she really just looked as panicked as ever. “Well, you can’t stay _here_ ,” she retorted.

“But you don’t know what it’s like there!” Tears started brimming in Henry’s eyes, and Regina, for the life of her, didn’t know if she’d ever felt more torn. There was an almost instinctual reaction to soothe those tears, but she’d had so much training in logic and reason that she knew what Emma was saying was right.

“Actually, I do,” Emma deadpanned. She stood up, Henry’s backpack dangling from two of her fingers. “And it sucks. It really, really sucks. But kid, you can’t just run away.”

“But I’m not running away!” Henry argued, and he jumped to his feet. Regina could see from his body language that he was just daring Emma to reach his energy so that they could have an all-out brawl about this. For the moment, Regina stayed out of it, eying Emma carefully, wondering what was churning in her head. “You’re my next of kin!”

Emma’s mouth fell open. “Even if you really were my brother, which is still up for debate, by the way…”

“But I am!”

Emma’s head shook before she probably realized it was happening, and Regina saw her chest rising and falling with a heavy breath.

“Why won’t you believe me?” he cried. “I’m not crazy!”

Emma’s eyes widened. “I never said…” she looked over at Regina, the smoke signal on her face palpable. Regina was about to spring into action, when Emma did something that surprised her, though later she’d wonder why she had been. It wasn’t that Emma wasn’t kind or gentle, because she was absolutely both of those things. However, seeing her with a child was something altogether new. Regina found herself mesmerized by the scene as Emma dropped Henry’s backpack and walked towards him. Kneeling down in front of him, she straightened his coat, which in all of his wanderings of the house had gotten tied up around his middle. “Look,” she said softly, “you’re nine, right?”

“Almost ten,” he corrected.

Emma just smiled. “I just turned thirty-five a few months ago,” she said. “And I gotta tell you, kid, there are so many things I learned in between nine and thirty-five. And maybe you’re right. Maybe your mom is my mom. But there’s about a thousand grownup things in place that don’t allow you to just take off and decide where you want to go, and a ton more that will get me into trouble if I let you. Do you want me to get in trouble?”

Regina watched as Henry sucked his cheeks in between his teeth, and again, the familiarity of his ministrations slammed her in the gut. The way his face shifted when he did it just screamed Emma. Panic rose in her again. Oh god…this little boy really could be Emma’s brother.

“No,” he said finally.

Emma smiled at that. “So look, I’ll make you a deal. You let me take you back to Mercy Hell, and I’ll do my own research and make sure what you found out about me is true. How ‘bout it?”

Mercy Hell. Regina filed the phrase away in her mind, a title that both Emma and this boy seemed very familiar with. It slipped off of Emma’s tongue with natural ease. Regina remembered being a teenager, and dreading dinners at home. She’d always have to prepare herself for her mother’s insufferable questions about her day and pick out what to tell her, what to leave out, or what to downright lie about to save herself any future scrutiny. She’d always have to practice letting her mother’s passive aggressive remarks about her style choices or friends or “lack of initiative” roll off her shoulders. But she’d had her father there. And her home, whatever it was, had been her home. She had been part of a family, not a name on a list to check off in attendance like she was in a classroom.

Henry’s face was set, brooding. Brows down and lip out. “And if you find out I’m your brother? What then?”

The look was so damn uncanny that Regina couldn’t sit still anymore. She stood up and cleared her throat. “Emma,” she made a point to let her intentions be known with her tone. It was a command, somewhat gentle but also very pointed, as in if it wasn’t followed, the gentleness was going to vanish very quickly. “Bedroom, please?” She looked down at Henry, and smiled. “Hey,” she changed her tone completely with him, walking over to the window and nodding down. “Why don’t you look down here and pick out your favorite boat to tell me about, and Emma and I will be right back?”

Henry’s eyes trailed to the wall of windows, and if he noticed that he’d left chocolate all over the glass, he didn’t make any motion to apologize. He simply nodded and spared Emma one last glower before walking to the scenic view.

The walk down the hallway felt like it took forever, but as soon as Regina closed their bedroom door behind them, Emma rubbed her face in her hands hard and let out a huge grunt of emotions. “Emma, where did he…”

But Emma was off, mumbling behind her hands. “Doorbell rings and here’s this kid I thought maybe somebody delivered me a bomb boy scout style and he just runs into the house talking about The Avengers and starts eating my chocolate and telling me he’s my brother and told me all about my mom and….”

“Okay…” Regina took hold of Emma’s wrists, determined to stop the spiral. “Deep breath.”

Emma looked up at the ceiling and took in that much needed breath, but it was colored with deep frustration, maybe even fear.

Regina let it even out before starting the conversation up again. Emma was clearly going insane in her head trying to put out the fire there. “Is it possible?” She felt the lump in her throat at the question.

Emma’s head came back down, and she met Regina’s eyes. She gave a humorless laugh. “Is it possible? The woman’s been a homeless junkie for decades. Anything with her is possible. I have no idea where she is or what she’s done with her life since she dropped me off. The most I know about her is what’s on my birth certificate.”

Regina blanched. She wasn’t used to Emma speaking so bluntly about her mother. She wasn’t used to Emma talking about her mother at all. “Okay,” she replied solemnly. “Alright. So, what do you want to do?”

Emma’s eyes widened, and she gaped at Regina. “Do? I want to rewind the last hour of my life, that’s what I want to do!”

“Emma,” Regina stepped into Emma’s space, and gave her a severe look, one that expressed the need for Emma to calm down and think critically. She’d given it to her before, in circumstances far less severe than this, and others maybe even more severe. Emma knew it well. “That isn’t going to happen. There’s a nine-year-old boy in our house.”

Emma’s breathing evened as she nodded. She brought her hands over Regina’s arms to rub in apology. “Alright, I’m sorry. I’m just…a little freaked out.” She blew out another breath, her body pivoting a little closer, and Regina felt a tug of a smile on her face despite all of this. “We’ve got to take him back to Mercy House. I wasn’t kidding about harboring a runaway. Whoever he is, he’s got to go back. They’ll be calling the cops if he doesn’t turn up.”

“And then?”

“I find out things about people for a living. I’ll figure out who he is.”

Regina almost said out loud what she was thinking, but decided against it, even though it was screaming in her head. Emma didn’t look like she could handle any more epiphanies that day. _He looks like you…_

Henry talked throughout the entire car ride. He brought out a few pieces of paper from his backpack, and leaned forward to shove them in Emma’s lap. They were drawings, mostly, and some homework. “That’s Violet,” Henry pointed to a drawing of a girl with dark hair in a purple dress. “And that’s Grace,” he said about another. “Grace is really good at math, and Violet loves to dance. She can’t take dance lessons because nobody’d pay for it, so this Christmas, I found her a radio and made her a CD of all kinds of dance songs so she can practice in her room.”

“That was nice of you,” Emma remarked as she looked down at the drawing. Regina wondered if she was thinking the same thing as she herself was.

“Wait till I tell them I met you,” Henry beamed. “They won’t believe it. They bet me I wouldn’t do it.”

Regina kept glancing back at him from her rearview mirror. “Do you like drawing, Henry?” she asked.

“Yeah!” he answered, pulling even more loose leaf papers out of his backpack and tossing them in Emma’s lap. They were a series of sketches and doodles. Regina gave Emma a sideways glance, but she didn’t catch it. She was too busy looking down at the papers.

“Hey, this is a really nice car. The stupid bus The Home has is covered in Cheetos.”

Henry turned quiet and brooding as they got closer to Mercy House. Emma had given perfect directions; she knew exactly where it was. As they pulled into the parking lot, she let out a noise. “Man, they haven’t done much to this place since I’ve been gone.”

“Those are our crafts in the windows!” Henry pointed to tinted windows that lined the walls of the salmon-colored concrete building, where various cut-outs of hearts were taped up in preparation of the coming Valentine holiday.

Emma showed Regina where to park nearest to the front office, and when they got out, Henry took his sweet time stuffing all of his things back into his backpack. As he did, Regina leaned down and re-organized his scarf around his neck. Just getting out of the car, his cheeks and nose were already turning bright pink against his pale skin. When she righted herself, she saw that Emma was giving her a strange look, but Regina was too busy noting that Emma’s nose and cheeks had also just turned the same shade of pink as Henry’s to wonder why.

“Let’s go, kid,” Emma said, putting an encouraging arm around Henry’s small shoulders, and the three of them entered the building.

Regina felt as though she’d just entered the waiting room of a dentist’s office. It was spotless, commercially tiled floors buffed, a “wet floor” sign near the entrance, and plastic chairs lining the walls filled with framed awards and certifications. In the middle of the room was an enormous front desk. Behind it, Regina could see an office lined with shelves and files. Beyond them were doors leading down hallways that must have taken people towards the back part of the building where Regina imagined children were housed in bunk beds.

An older woman with horn-rimmed glasses was sitting at the front desk, and as they entered, her eyes fell on Henry. She didn’t show any emotion other than annoyance as she picked up the phone and pressed a number. She mumbled into it as the three approached, and then hung it up.

Regina caught a hitch in Emma’s breathing, and darted her eyes to see her partner staring at the woman behind the counter with what looked like dread.

The woman, however, didn’t show any recognition. In fact, she didn’t look at the two adults joining the boy at all. She stood to look down at him. “What’s your excuse this time, Swan?” She sounded bored.

Emma’s head snapped up so quick that Regina thought it would roll right off her shoulders. “Uh,” she stammered, and for the slightest of moments, she looked like she was five years old being caught with a stolen lunch.

But the woman wasn’t looking at Emma when she said it. She was still lazily gazing down at Henry, who raised his chin to her defiantly. “I found my family,” he challenged, hands coming up to grab onto Emma’s arm. It forced Emma’s head back down, and she looked at his hands suddenly attached to one of her own as if mesmerized by them.

The woman’s eyes trailed back up to meet Emma’s, and Regina saw them narrow with a flicker of recognition. But if she did recognize Emma, she didn’t say anything. Instead, she gave a noncommittal hum, not registering the panic on Emma’s face or the way Regina’s breathing began to labor at realizing that when she had said Emma’s last name, she had been referring to Henry.

“Holy shit,” Emma scoffed under her breath, and turned around to stare at the floor. Regina went to her side, but Emma didn’t register her presence. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, ignoring Regina’s whisper of what was wrong.

However, she was distracted by the entrance of a man coming up to them from one of the hallways behind the front desk. She realized then that Emma must have recognized him.

He stood next to the woman behind the counter, and looked from Emma to Regina, his brows down. Regina felt his stare go right through her. This was no bleeding-heart child savior. This was a businessman. Like an instinct, Regina’s lawyer chops wrapped around her, and she stood herself upright, steeling her face. She also realized that she was standing in front of Emma and Henry as if she were a barbed wire fence. She honestly felt like one. Every instinct in her body was buzzing with her protective instincts. She could tell that Emma’s emotions were all over the place, and she didn’t like it one bit. She didn’t like how this place was making her partner feel. She had to bite her lip down to keep from literally growling at the two individuals she felt were responsible.

But the man paid her no attention. His eyes had fallen on Emma, and as he stared, Regina saw the wheels turning. The corner of his mouth ticked up then, and Regina saw recognition. For the first time, there was a bit of warmth in his eyes. “Hey there, Swan,” he said.

Emma turned back to look at him, raising her eyebrows and giving him a toothless smile, as if to say “caught me”. It didn’t even come close to reaching her eyes.

“What’s this about?” he nodded towards Henry.

“You tell me,” Emma said, and for the first time, Regina heard that her voice was steely, almost emotionless. She didn’t hear that in Emma very often. “He showed up at my house.”

The man’s smile spread, but he made no comment to Emma’s announcement. “Henry,” he looked down at the boy holding onto Emma’s arm. “It’s dinner time, alright? Let Miss Gene take you back there. I think your friends saved you a seat.”

Regina could see Henry’s hands grip tighter, knuckles turning white as the woman called Miss Gene came around the counter and held her hand out. Henry looked up at Emma, and for the smallest of moments, Regina had the strangest sensation. She wanted to grab onto her partner’s hand and tug the three of them the hell out of there. Who cared who this boy was? Nobody deserved to live at a dentist’s office.

Oddly, Emma seemed to have the same reaction. It took her a moment before she finally snapped out of it, and gave Henry an encouraging smile. “Hey,” she knelt down and whispered to him. Her emotion was back, and Regina couldn’t help the feeling in her chest as she heard it: warm but almost painful. “Remember our deal?”

Henry tucked his lips in between his teeth, but ultimately nodded.

“Go on,” Emma said.

And the warmth Regina felt at the scene was thrashed to bits by Henry trading Emma’s arm for Miss Gene’s hand, and he was walked away and out of sight.

Regina would have watched him go, if she wasn’t so focused on the clear discomfort on Emma’s face, the regret emanating from her entire body. She stared after Henry as if she was watching her life fall down a cliff. The whirlwind of thoughts that the sight caused Regina was overwhelming.

But just as quickly, Emma righted herself, and Regina could see her features glaze over as she forsook all emotions again.

The man smiled at both Emma and Regina then. “If I remember correctly, you were a Runner too,” he said kindly, putting his hand out to Regina. “Jeremy Duncan. I’m the director here at Mercy House.”

“Regina Mills,” Regina shook his hand, and when she let go, he offered his to Emma. As they shook, he gave a little laugh. “Not every day I get to see the kids all grown up. You look well, Miss Swan.”

Emma gave a little nod, but did not acknowledge his assessment. “Know anything about that boy?”

Jeremy Duncan let go of Emma’s hand and stood up straight, sighing. “Let’s go to my office where we can talk privately,” he said.

The office was exactly what Regina would expect; tidy and small, with a thousand folders lining the wall shelving behind him. There were a few pictures on the walls of various children doing projects with adults wearing volunteer shirts. Emma seemed to take no notice of them as she sat down at one of the chairs in front of the desk. Duncan took his seat. “So, Henry showed up at your home?”

“Yeah,” Emma answered. “How did he find me?”

“No idea. Though, I must say, Henry is one of our more…resourceful children.” Duncan paused and shook his head. “Emma, as I’m sure you’re aware, there isn’t much I can share with you about our young friend,” he said, crossing his hands in front of him.

Emma just stared at him as Regina took her seat. “What can you tell us?” she asked when she saw Emma wasn’t going to push.

Duncan shrugged. “He has about a month before he goes into more permanent housing.”

“Permanent…?” Regina started, but Emma looked over at her.

“This is a receiving home. Kids can only stay here for a total of ninety days. Then they either go to a permanent halfway home or with a foster family.”

Regina just stared. She realized her mouth was slightly open, and she closed it as she looked from Emma to Duncan.

“Miss Mills, this is temporary housing for children in between foster homes or children’s homes.”

“They come here when they need to be taken out of their situation immediately,” Emma added, looking over at Duncan with eyes that dared him to reprimand her for speaking so bluntly about the reality of the building. When Regina still didn’t know how to react, Emma sighed. She kept her voice gentle as she addressed Regina. It was unsettling. “This is where they take kids who are considered in imminent risk with their current guardian. They need to get out of the situation immediately, but nobody is lined up to take them right away, so the state needs a place to stash them.”

Imminent risk. Regina knew that term well from her legal practice. It meant their lives or wellbeing were in jeopardy.

It seemed as if the rest of the world had been sucked out of the room. She had tunnel vision for Emma, who despite the front she was putting up, looked particularly vulnerable and small. Regina wanted to reach out to her, but instead she found herself asking: “And…how many times did you come here?”

It was quiet for a moment, Emma avoiding eye contact and looking down at her hands, until Duncan finally filled the space and cleared his throat. “As I’ve said, I can’t really tell you much about Henry, but I do appreciate you bringing him back.”

Emma didn’t rise to his kind tone. “Any chance you can tell me if his claim is true?”

“And what claim would that be?”

Sighing, Emma tilted her head in annoyance. “That the lady who put him in this predicament is the same one who put me there as a kid.”

Duncan stared at her.

“He thinks I’m his sister,” she clarified.

Regina looked over at Duncan to test his reaction. He paused, blinking. He recovered quickly, however, and sat back. “I can’t. No.”

“No it isn’t true, or no you can’t tell us?” Regina asked.

He smiled again. “No, I can’t tell you. In this business, Miss Mills, confidentiality is king. I can’t tell you anything about Henry, even if he willingly shared information with you.”

To her surprise, Emma was up and out of her chair. “Then there’s no reason for us to stay,” she said simply. “It was…uh…something. Seeing you again,” she said flatly to Duncan, who didn’t seem at all disturbed by her lack of enthusiasm at their reunion. Even so, she held her hand out, and he took it.

“Thank you for bringing him back, Emma. Whatever the case, I doubt that was easy.”

Emma made a noncommittal noise, and went to exit the office.

Regina offered her hand to Duncan, who seemed to give her an apologetic smile. She wasn’t sure how to react; should she reassure him or give him a dirty look for Emma’s clear discomfort with this place? She didn’t know. Emma opened the door, holding it for Regina with a guiding hand to her back as they walked out. Regina noted Emma taking charge just then, and figured it was something Emma needed to do in that time the same way she held her back straight and gave Duncan a curt nod with no emotion on her face during their exchanges.

“He seems nice,” Regina said in the car.

“He’s a dick,” Emma said simply. She was looking out the window, quiet and brooding. Regina could practically hear the wheels turning in her head.

“Why is that?” she asked, wondering if it was smart to push Emma at the moment. But frankly, the quiet was driving her mad. Even if Emma couldn’t talk about this, Regina felt she needed to. Whatever had happened, whatever had just barged into their lives, couldn’t be ignored.

Emma sighed. “You’re in social work long enough, you kinda have to be,” she said. “It’s a defense mechanism. Care too much and retire when you realize you can’t save them all, or don’t care at all so you can keep on going.”

Regina winced. That couldn’t be right. She figured there were many people in social work who did good every day, and went home feeling that despite the hardships, they had made a difference. But it couldn’t be easy to have a decent outlook on it from the other side. Emma hadn’t had a great experience in the system. In fact, she’d been one of the very unlucky children who had never been adopted, and had been in and out of foster homes. Some of them had abused her. In fact, in one of them, she’d experienced the trauma that stayed with her to that very day.

Regina felt her throat go dry. If that was true for Emma, what was happening to that boy? Why was he in a home for children who needed to be taken out of their situation quickly?

They drove the rest of the way home in silence, but when they parked, Emma cussed under her breath. “I forgot to chop your vegetables,” she muttered.

Regina closed the car door, and stared at her. “What?”

“For the salad,” Emma said as she walked to the elevator, pressing the 10th floor button. “I forgot.”

Regina continued to stare, silent. Emma’s cheeks were still red from the cold parking lot, matching her leather jacket. Her hair was tussled around her shoulders, ears and forehead covered by a black beanie. Her eyes were far away, thinking, and her body was rigid.

When Regina had opened the door to their apartment that afternoon, she’d had her mind on that salad. But she hadn’t thought a thing about it, or family dinner night, since stepping inside. It came screaming back to her, and she felt jarred by the very notion. As if that life were from sometime long ago.

“Emma…” Regina started. “Maybe we shouldn’t go to Dinner Night.”

The door dinged at the same time that Emma finally snapped out of her reverie, and she looked at Regina as if she were insane. “But we missed last week,” she said. Her voice almost raised to that argumentative Little One Regina was so familiar with.

“We need to talk,” she started, but Emma just shook her head and started down the hallway, Regina hot on her heals.

“There isn’t anything to talk about,” she said as they reached their front door.

Stunned, Regina watched as Emma unlocked their deadbolt and walked inside. It took a lot of effort to follow and put one foot in front of the other, she found. She gaped at her partner, watching her remove her beanie and flip her hair, take her jacket off and hang it up. She held a defiant expression, and with each movement, Regina felt frustration bubbling up inside her. It spilled over quickly.

“Stop,” she snapped. “Right now!”

Emma froze, her back to Regina. She saw the breath that had been raising Emma’s shoulders still. And here was the moment where Emma was going to call the shots. She was either going to fall into their normal dynamic and do as Regina said, or she was going to push back. Normally, Regina would bet her savings on the former. But today…well, today had been one for the history books, hadn’t it?

Emma turned, eyes on the ground, waiting. She was only halfway committed to doing what Regina was asking of her. Regina could see on her face the defiance, the frustration, the fear.

“If you think that you are just going to sweep this under the rug, and we are going to go about our night as if nothing ever happened, you are in for a real wakeup call, Emma Swan.”

Emma didn’t move. It was clear she was waiting for Regina to say something that was going to make up her mind; fight this, or confront it. But Regina was going to push back, hard. Whatever had just happened hadn’t just happened to Emma. This woman was her partner, her soulmate, her _everything_. She’d just got through telling her sister that she was about to propose to Emma, for god’s sake. The implication that Emma had family who needed her meant that _Regina_ had family who needed her. Plain and simple.

“You know as well as I do, that we have a serious conversation to have, so I don’t know what you think you’re doing ignoring it, but I can’t.”

Emma brought her hands up, rubbing hard on her face again. She’d done that so many times that afternoon. It wasn’t a good sign. She was beyond stressed. “Baby, there isn’t a single conversation to have until I find out if that kid really is my brother.”

“Well, you said it yourself,” Regina scoffed. “You find things out about people for a living. So get on your computer, and figure this out.”

With raised eyebrows, Emma asked: “And that can’t wait until after dinner because…?” Her tone was slightly mocking, and that just made Regina’s blood boil even more. Emma was deflecting, she knew that. She was heartsick over this whole thing just as much as Regina was. But that didn’t mean she got to hide from it.

“I don’t know, you tell me,” Regina snapped back. “What’s dinner like in a place like Mercy House?”

At that, Emma turned fully around, facing Regina and eyes wide with incredulity. “Does that _matter_?” she said. “What do you think, R’gina? That if I find out that kid’s my brother, that that’s going to change what happens to him?”

The question blew Regina back. She felt her entire body literally wince, not only at the ferocity with which Emma asked, but the implications of the words. And she knew by the look on Emma’s face that she had even surprised herself by asking it. It had put out into the atmosphere a very serious, very life-changing scenario. One neither of them were really prepared to tackle.

Regina had meant to recover, but it was too late. Emma had seen it. Her eyes closed, and her head found a home in her hands. She lowered it into them and murmured something Regina couldn’t understand. How had this happened? How had everything in their lives just flipped upside down in a matter of hours?

“Emma…” she started, but her voice got caught in her throat. Truth be told, she had no idea what she was going to do if they found out Henry was Emma’s brother. She didn’t even know if there was anything that they could do. All she knew was that those eyes were stuck in her head, haunting her.

Her feet were making choices for her. She was in Emma’s space before she realized what she was doing, instincts gently taking hold of Emma’s wrists to guide them around her own neck. Emma gave a whimper of protest, but didn’t fight it.

“Alright,” Regina soothed. “Okay.” Once Emma’s arms were around Regina, she held onto her tight. The body against her, that she had memorized so long ago, shook. Emma tucked her face into the crook of Regina’s neck and just said her name against her skin. “Time out,” she whispered in response. “Let’s just take a time out.”

They pulled apart, and Emma was nodding, her nose now red from tears in her eyes. “Yeah,” she kept nodding. “Okay. Time out.” She was clearly trying to calm herself down as much as Regina was. “I’m sorry.”

Regina brought their foreheads together, and just sighed as she took Emma’s cheeks in her hands. She felt gentle grips on her wrists, Emma holding on for dear life. “If going tonight will give you time to think, then let’s do it. But, Emma…”

“We need to talk,” Emma nodded again. “I know. Regina?”

Tearing away so that she could look in Emma’s eyes, she saw fear there. Real fear. It made her heartsick, but she smiled for Emma’s sake.

“I can’t look right now,” she said. “If I find out he is…I. Fuck, I don’t know what I’m going to do.”

Regina found herself shaking her head. “Time out, remember?” she brought her hands away and made her fingers intertwine with Emma’s. She felt a desperate grip from her partner. “Take a breath for me.”

Emma closed her eyes, and did as she was told.

Smiling, Regina squeezed one last time before dropping Emma’s hands. “Look, I’ll make you a deal: I’ll chop the vegetables if you go clean the chocolate handprints off of the windows.”

Despite everything, Emma laughed, her eyes still closed as she willed herself to calm down. The sound was music to Regina’s ears.

“And before we do anything, I’m going to say something to you that I hope you know by now. But I’m going to say it anyway.”

Emma opened her eyes then, looking at Regina with a gaze that told Regina she was in a whirlwind in her head.

“Whatever happens? I’m right here. I’ll always be right here.”

***

To say that the dinner was torture would have been an understatement. Emma didn’t hear a thing happening. All of her friends sounded like the grownups from The Peanuts cartoons. Ruby wasn’t there due to work, and while everyone else complained about her absence, Emma barely noticed she was gone. Some of her favorite dishes were on the table, including Mary Margaret’s meatloaf, but if she could swallow a bite at all, it tasted like sawdust. She was vaguely aware of the fact that Regina hadn’t left her side all evening. As they sat next to each other on the table, a steadying hand hardly left her thigh. As games were played on the couches, laughter hurt her head, and she could hardly force a smile.

To get away from the minutia of it all, Emma had opted for doing the dishes, and nobody had complained. There was usually a coin flipped and a lot of banter between her and David or August beforehand, but she’d needed the quiet, and frankly, something to do.

“Okay, what is brewing in that head of yours?” Zelena broke her solitude as she leaned over the sink.

Starting at the voice, Emma shook her head, and tried to act nonchalant. “Nothing. Why?”

Zelena scoffed. “Please. Don’t insult my intelligence or my rather impressive degree,” she teased. When Emma didn’t laugh, her face turned serious. “Did something happen with my sister?” she asked, and Emma had just enough awareness about her to see she looked flustered. Zelena never looked flustered. It was odd, but Emma was too busy dwelling on other things to dwell on that.

“What? No. Everything’s great.”

“Well then, why the hell are you moping around my apartment? You haven’t even bit August’s head off once tonight. It’s disturbing.”

Emma finished up the last dish and put it in the strainer, grabbing a hand towel and drying herself off. “I’m fine, Zee. I promise.”

Zelena narrowed her eyes, and put her fingers under Emma’s chin, coming in close and scrutinizing her face. Emma fought the urge to scoff and push her away, but she allowed the gesture as Zelena growled at her. “Do you have any idea what the penalty for lying to your Auntie ZeeZee is?”

Finally, Emma forced the laugh Zelena was looking for and shrugged her off. “It probably has something to do with you not bringing me ice cream next time you come over.”

But Zelena shook her head, looking serious. “What’s the matter, Little Dove?”

Emma stopped up short, amusement in her face vanishing as she saw Zelena’s retreat as well. She sounded sad, an emotion Emma still was having to get used to when it came to her loved ones being effected by her actions. She opened her mouth to say something, but stopped. She couldn’t tell Zelena what had happened, not yet. It wasn’t even an official issue she had to deal with, much less something she was prepared to answer questions about. She had too many of her own.

“Hey,” a voice called them both out of their exchange, and Emma turned to see Regina standing in the kitchen entryway, body leaning against the wall and arms crossed in front of her. “Desert’s taking an awful long time,” she smiled at Zelena as she gave Emma a wink.

But Zelena didn’t smile back. Her eyes boomeranged from Regina, to Emma, and back to Regina again. Emma saw the two of them share a secret look. Sometimes this happened between the sisters; a gesture that Emma growing up as an only child wasn’t able to decipher. Even so, she could have sworn she saw Zelena’s eyes flash, and Regina give the slightest shake of her head before the two of them turned away from each other. Zelena sighed and went to the fridge to grab the desert while Regina approached Emma with one of her doting smiles.

Emma felt herself start to sink. Just slightly, but it was there. Nothing, absolutely nothing, sounded better than letting herself go, falling into the care of the one person so willing to give it to her, and completely ignoring every little worry in her brain. Nothing would feel better than to grab ahold of that outstretched hand, be led to where that person wanted her to go, do what that person said to do, make absolutely no decisions, have absolutely no say, to give away control, to just shut off.

But tonight, the worry was far too pressing. The pressure far too painful. She couldn’t just shut off. The switch wasn’t even in the room.

Still, she took Regina’s offered hand, squeezed it, and allowed herself to be guided back to the family room to join said family. She kept in her head as she watched everyone enjoying their evening, feeling that supporting hand on her back, rubbing every now and then to her know it was there. She let that hand guide her into the car, back home, into their bedroom. She didn’t realize how exhausted she was until she stood there, staring at their bed, unable to move a muscle to change out of her clothes.

It was done for her. Slowly, calmly…Emma could use a little calm just then. The boy who had shown up at her door was banging around in her head. Who was he? If he wasn’t who he said he was, how did he end up here? Where would he have found her? That didn’t make any sense. She had to be someone to him, didn’t she? And that woman. That idiot woman, who after the first time of leaving somebody high and dry for the rest of their lives, she went and did it again? To another baby?

An icy cold sensation, all too familiar, settled in Emma’s chest. Trying to swallow it down had never worked. It always lingered, until it finally just exploded, ran her over the edge. No matter how much she tried to keep it away. It always won out. Fear circled around with the cold. Fear that if she didn’t reel this in, she’d be right back in that blackness, right back in that closed space, trapped, screaming to get out. She didn’t want that. She didn’t want to be back there…

“Emma.”

The sound of her name rattled her out of her head. The whirlwind that was cascading around her stream of consciousness stilled, and blinking, Emma finally saw what was in front of her.

Regina. Her Regina. Whose eyes also looked tired, worn out, worried. Emma swallowed her guilt. This wasn’t just happening to her. It wasn’t fair to let herself fall down that precipice. She had to think about her partner, too. And Regina looked like she was being careful, watching Emma’s every move, making sure she was okay.

Emma swallowed again, this time to squash a little whimper that begged to escape. Catching it, because nothing got by Regina, she found herself in those arms, holding her, swaying her from side to side. A whisper in her ear.

“You’re so tired, baby,” Regina murmured.

Emma said nothing, but didn’t deny it either. She _was_ tired. She was exhausted. It was one of those days where her mind couldn’t push forward without a good night’s sleep. Whatever had to happen moving forward, it had to wait until morning.

A firm hold around her middle, and Emma was on the bed, tucked into the warm body of her partner. She nuzzled in close to the warm skin, inhaling Regina’s scent. That scent of apples and cinnamon and milk and all things Regina, all things that no matter what, calmed her. This was her quiet place. This was her home. She felt a pinch in her eyes at the thought, and burrowed in further.

“Sshh…”

She must have made a noise. She wasn’t sure. Everything seemed so far away. Everything felt so fuzzy. Nothing was anchored, nothing in her mind was sticking; it all just floated away. She hadn’t meant for it to go. Sometimes, she realized not long ago, it did that before she noticed it was happening. And by the time she recognized it, it was too late. Initial fear at the power of it all evaporating, all her decision making, all of her insight, all of her control, and then the fear began to fade too as the arms around her reminded her why it had left in the first place. It was all gone, because it was taken. Emma could let go of those things; was being _asked_ to let go of those things, if even for just a little while, because _she_ was here now. Because while Emma’s way of handling this mess was taking a break, shutting down, Regina’s way was grabbing hold of all of those things and taking them for Emma, holding onto them until she got back.

“Time out…” Mama murmured. “Time out, my love.” A kiss to her temple, as delicate as she felt. “Close your eyes. I’ve got you.”

Emma squirmed, legs moving against the sheets, as the last of her fight was being stubborn. It always was when it was harder to let go. That one last little bit of hesitation, often rearing its ugly head when she least wanted it around, fought back. She let out a continuous moan, complaining her discomfort to herself, fighting with that stubbornness to just give up and let go.

 _Tomorrow. We’ll handle this tomorrow_ , she said. She was winning, but that stubbornness was giving her a run for her money tonight.

“Emma, you’re okay.” A hand came down and pressed against her bottom, patting it in a steady rhythm. Mama knew how to fight this stubbornness better than she herself did. By now, Mama was a pro. And tonight, she was pulling out all the stops, using all her best tactics, to finally get Emma to where they both so desperately wanted her to be.

 _Just a little while_ , she pleaded with herself. _Just a little while, and then I’ll fall asleep and I’ll deal with it in the morning. Please. Just…let go…_

While those words didn’t actually leave her mouth, she must have made enough noise showing her clear frustration to warrant the reaction Mama had. Emma was lifted into her lap, her head made to fit into the crook of her Mama’s neck. A hand cradled her there tightly as she felt herself being rocked. The other hand kept up against her bottom, padded by a thin line of blankets.

“Mama’s here. Don’t cry anymore.”

Crying? Was she crying?

The voice was tickling her ear, so gentle, so smooth.

Emma felt her breath start to calm. It had been heated and bouncing back against her face from its place against Mama’s skin. Now, she barely felt it. A little whimper of appreciation, and her lips closed against the flesh there. She suckled at it, mewling at the comfort it brought her. She felt her legs tire from their slow kicking, and still. She brought them up closer to the middle of the body she was against, latching on to all she could. Her hands, which she only realized now had been crushed into fists so tight that her nails had dug into her palms to bleed, loosened. She pressed them against Mama too, finding the fabric of her night shirt, grabbing at it, feeling it bunch in between her fingers. She did it over and over again, just to feel it clench and slip, clench and slip.

“That’s my good girl,” a light sigh. Emma knew that voice; it was a happy voice. Mama was happy, or happier than she had been a few moments ago. The worry had trickled out of her tone, the upturn made Emma feel warm, made her feel like things were going back to being alright. She responded with her own happy sigh, her sucking gaining in strength as she felt encouraged.

She felt her head being guided away from that spot, and soon she was looking up into dark, shining eyes that she had memorized so long ago. A smile played out on Mama’s face. “There she is,” she cooed. “Hello, Little One.”

Emma brought one of her hands away from the fabric of the shirt, rubbing at her suddenly achy eyes. When it barely helped, she dove into that same shirt. Sometimes, her hands didn’t do everything she wanted them to do, and when everything else failed, she knew where to go.

“Oh, I know,” a singsong voice answered her need, a thumb wiping at the last of the wetness on Emma’s cheek. “You’re so tired.”

Emma was tired. Her eyes ached. She closed them against the shirt as she felt it moving. Bringing her hand back up, she clasped the fabric once more, continuing her mantra of twisting it around her fingers, as she felt a familiar sensation against her lips.

Like a reflex, Emma opened them. The firm surface of otherwise soft as satin skin entered her mouth, and she closed around it to hold it in place. She mimicked her suckling of Mama’s neck, only this time to be rewarded with a stream of milk. As it hit her tongue, Mama’s scent enveloped her completely, took over all of her senses, immersed her in their warm cocoon. It was much quieter now than it was before, but the milk somehow muted everything else. She could only hear the sound her their skin merging together, of the milk hitting her tongue. And she loved it so much, she took another strong suck to repeat that peace and quiet. And another, eagerly forcing the quiet to stay.

A little gasp, and Emma felt a thumb on the corner of her mouth. “Slow and gentle, sweetheart. Remember?”

Oh yeah. Sometimes, when she was so eager for that quiet, Emma forgot. She grunted as she slowed her suckling, didn’t demand so much so quickly. A chuckle as her eyes met Mama’s.

“My little fighter,” she murmured. “You finally let go, hm?”

Emma blinked slowly in response, because she didn’t understand the words enough to make a positive or negative noise. Sometimes, when everything was really, really quiet in her head, Mama said things that didn’t quite make sense, though she had a feeling that maybe the other her would have understood.

The loving face above her was blurring now, her eyes growing heavier and heavier as the rocking took her down. She tried to hold on to the shirt in her hand, but felt it slipping. Just as it was about to completely lose its hold, she felt it being taken into Mama’s, held protectively, kissed and cradled.

 _Tomorrow_ , was her last fleeting thought before she was finally taken down. Something important would have to wait until tomorrow. Mama wanted her to sleep now.


	7. Milkshakes and Lies

Zelena had a bad habit. Her roommates in the dorms at school used to complain about it all the time. She never slept, you see, and while many people stayed in bed tossing and turning, wishing they could just fall asleep, Zelena took the opportunity to prance around busying herself with cleaning or studying and scribbling notes with a really loud pencil or doing something else incredibly obnoxious.

That’s when alcohol had come in so handy. Not for her, mind you. For her roommates. By the time she reached sixth form college, they could barely tolerate her. Even on nights when they were up studying until the wee hours of the morning. Once they were done, they just wanted to pass out. Meanwhile, Zelena was begging them to go over the notes one more time.

And so, they talked her into it. “Just drink this and shut up,” her roommate Dorothy had said. “I can’t do it anymore, Zee. Honestly.”

Desperate nights for her roommates turned into a crutch for most nights, and before Zelena knew it, she was having a nightcap every evening just to loosen up. And then two. And then three.

She liked it. She finally got some sleep. Which, you know, at first, she felt terrible for all the time she was not spending doing her busy work, but she felt so much better during the hours of sunlight that it evened out.

Then it stopped working. Three nightcaps just turned into a warm buzz that faded after fifteen minutes, and Zelena was now walking around her apartment at university making even more noise during her studies than before because she was doing it all so clumsily. But that didn’t stop her. It just made her drink more.

She’d thought one Christmas, her father had noticed. Mother hadn’t, of course, because Mother was far too busy swimming in her own bottle of gin. And Regina, just out of American high school and all angsty, was too enamored with her gothic phase and bickering with Mother to notice much of anything going on around her. But if Henry’s looks had meant he had his suspicions, he never said anything. That was just like her father: the man on the sidelines, quietly watching the women in his life burn the walls down around him.

No wonder he’d gone into Corporate Law, Zelena had thought. He couldn’t have handled a criminal trial like Regina did. Her sister was a shark. That, she’d inherited from Cora.

Anyway, fuck the past. Zelena had bigger problems. Like the fact that she was in one of her drunken insomniac rampages, checking out the window every five minutes.

As if she needed to bother; she’d hear that damn mustang engine coming from a mile away before Ruby parked in the lot of their building. But the fact that she couldn’t help herself was making her angry. Angry with herself. Angry with Ruby. Angry with her sister for whatever the fuck was Emma’s problem that evening, and Regina wasn’t telling her anything.

But that last one was just for fun. When in doubt with her emotions, Zelena’s go-to safety zone was to pick on her sister. When she saw Emma right on the edge of an episode, it hadn’t been a good sign. But Regina had shut her down with one look. Anyway, she knew that she’d get a call if anything came up in the middle of the night.

The engine started echoing into the night, and Zelena righted herself off the couch, heading into the kitchen. She’d cleaned the counter and floor spotless from the dinner night that Ruby had conveniently missed, and a bottle of vintage zinfandel along with it. Shit.

So, she’d had more wine than she’d originally planned. So what? She was pissed. She didn’t like being lied to.

She heard the front door open, the jiggling of that damned humungous keychain, and sprinted into the living room. As Ruby came inside, she flipped on the light.

Ruby jumped five feet in the air, grabbing at her chest. “Jesus fuck!” she gasped. “What the hell…”

“Am I doing up?” Zelena talked over her.

But Ruby finally caught her composure and stood at her full height, clearly noting Zelena’s cold tone, and she didn’t respond kindly. “No. You’re always up. What the hell are you doing sneaking around the apartment scaring the shit out of me?”

“You missed dinner,” Zelena announced, as if that answered the question. She crossed her arms over her chest, leaning against the entry to their kitchen, glaring at Ruby.

Ruby smiled and raised her eyebrows, the look that read: thank you, captain obvious. “Yeah. I told you. I was working….”

But Zelena was already shaking her head. “Nope. Called.” She hadn’t meant to say it, but in the moment, she was playing pretty loose and furious with her secrets. She couldn’t be pissed at other people for not spilling theirs if she didn’t want to spill hers.

Okay, so maybe she wouldn’t have admitted she was calling her roommate’s work to check up on her if she were sober. But fuck it.

Ruby’s eyebrows lifted impossibly higher. “You…called the diner.” Not a question. A declaration back to Zelena.

There was silence for a moment as they stared at each other, Ruby’s words hanging in the air to fully emphasize just how absolutely creepy it had sounded.

M’kay, so maybe that was a dumb admission. But she could fix it. She was still sober enough to think fast on her feet. “I needed to know where something was in the kitchen. Couldn’t find it. Anyway, they said you weren’t working tonight.”

“Really?” Ruby put her keys down on the table by the door, shrugging off her leather jacket and hanging it up. Zelena noted that she’d put a heavy amount of makeup on, but it was slowly melting off her face. Whatever she’d been doing, it had tired her out. “What were you looking for?”

_Oh…shit. Um…_

Zelena opened her mouth to say something but stuttered. To hide her pause, she tried scoffing, but all it earned her was a laugh.

“Zee,” Ruby’s voice was much kinder now, because it really wasn’t like her to lose her cool over much. That was Zelena’s job. “It’s late. You’re drunk. I’m tired. Can we maybe do this tomorrow?”

“Do what, exactly? Lie to me?”

She hadn’t meant to say that. It had shot out of her mouth before she’d really thought about it. And this was the point where Zelena really wished she’d told herself that none of this was any of her fucking business and just gone to bed. Because at the end of the day, what did she hope to gain from this?

But Ruby, as usual, knocked her out of her head quickly. Her feet moved fast, coming into Zelena’s space. Zelena could smell her. The house was embedded with that smell, but it was never enough. The visions of this woman etched in her mind never the same as seeing her up close. The voice in her ear low, growling, fucking melt worthy. “Who’s the liar here, Doctor Mills?”

So quietly. So softly. Challenging, but barely an accusation. How the fuck did Ruby do that? Calm her and drive her nearly insane all at once? All the implications of the question driving forward painful memories and hurtful wishes that could never come true. Because who the fuck was she to ask it of anybody to put up with her?

“I’m worried about you,” she whispered, and she hadn’t fucking meant to say that either. But it was true. Ruby was hiding something. Zelena knew she wasn’t Playing. Ruby talked about Playing. Ruby brought subs home, fucked Killian endlessly in the room down the hall from hers, went to others’ homes and came back the next morning mentioning this or that about the night before. None of that had been happening. There was something else.

Or someone else.

Shit. Was it someone else?

Ruby’s eyes flashed at that admission. A slight widening, a clear panic, like she was going to be made to admit something or lie again. But it was gone as quickly as it came.

Zelena cleared her throat, trying to right herself and look tougher than she felt. Because she was melting underneath that stare, and she didn’t necessarily want to admit she’d been walking around the last few weeks pining over Ruby’s actions. “But mainly, I’m just pissed off that you’re being a lying git.”

Ruby’s mouth curled up then, a new glimmer in her eyes of amusement. One eyebrow cocked in challenge as she shifted her weight, coming impossibly closer to Zelena, but not touching. “Call me a liar again.”

Feeling her face pucker in anger, Zelena sneered. “Don’t you dare pull that Domme shit with me, you…”

As her wrists were captured and she was spun around until her face was pressed against the drywall, for the smallest fraction of a second, Zelena swore she’d never drink again. Not if it meant she couldn’t have seen that move coming. She’d been way too slow to even slightly defend herself, and now here she was. And a breath was rising and falling behind her with the effort, something that she really, really wished was only infuriating her more instead of causing a throbbing in between her legs.

“I’m not the liar,” Ruby hissed in her ear, causing a jolt of arousal through Zelena’s body. And fucking hell, she hated to love it. “Just because I’m not telling you where I am every second of the day. But you,” Zelena felt the grip on her wrists tighten, and she tried to fight it, clenched her fists, rocked backwards to try and throw Ruby off balance. Or maybe cause more friction. It was hard to tell. She wasn’t really thinking clearly. “Lie to me every day. And yourself.”

She was spun around, and it took a moment for the room to stop when she did. She felt her stomach flip, and knew it wasn’t the alcohol. Fuck the alcohol. She’d had years of practice at this point dealing with the side effects, wasn’t even positive that this wasn’t just herself now as opposed to who she was sober.

No, what had her stomach flipping was the look on Ruby’s face.

Any day of the week, Ruby could simply look at her with no expression at all, and Zelena would find herself swaying with the effect. So when she was looking at Zelena with those eyes, that twitch of her lips baring her teeth and showing such _want_ ….well, that nearly made her knees buckle out from under her.

So she showed all of her strength and ripped out of Ruby’s grip. Ruby’s hands left her wrists, and Zelena took the opportunity to shove Ruby out of her way.

It didn’t do much good. Ruby took one step back, but then brought her hands up to capture Zelena’s wrists again. Their chests were pressed together, and though Zelena squirmed, she didn’t really fight. Instead, she felt her chin hit Ruby’s shoulder, and she inhaled in spite of herself.

God damn.

If she thought she was drunk before, Ruby’s scent so close to her was annihilating any hope of sobering up.

She felt herself shaking, but she didn’t fall. Not with Ruby’s arms gripping around her. Not when she was clinging so tightly. Not when she was backed up against the kitchen counter, Ruby’s voice in her ear. “Fucking liar…” so broken and wanting and challenging and playful all at the same time.

“I’m not,” she heard herself saying, over and over. A little bit of a tear in the fabric of her voice. “I’m not a god damned liar.”

“You are,” Ruby growled, and Zelena’s face clenched again in anger. She wanted to rip Ruby’s throat out. Or kiss her. Or just apologize to her. Over and over.

Because she was sorry. She was sorry she’d been lying. She never wanted to lie to Ruby. But she also couldn’t just say fuck it and dive in. Not when there was so much at stake. Not when she couldn’t fathom the outcome of every other time in her life she’d allowed somebody in. The thought of the fire and lust of it slowly fading away like a melting candle made her panic with the thought.

But despite all those fears, she was pleading for Ruby to stay anyway. Saying it over and over after the incessant apologies in her head. The outcome was her pants being ripped down to her knees and her body being lifted onto the counter. Then the apologies and the pleading turned to a series of affirmations and wants as her hips came alive and practically begged for the friction.

Despite the roughness of how she’d gotten into her current position, the moment Ruby’s fingers touched her, all of that melted away into tenderness. The pads of her digits caressed softly, as if politely asking for permission, completely ignoring that Zelena’s body was way passed that point.

“Stop,” Ruby murmured against her ear. “Breathe, Zee. Just relax.”

And that pissed Zelena off. Because it had been weeks since Ruby had touched her this way, and she was clearly about to explode, and now Ruby was expecting her to just calmly take it like she was one of Ruby’s good little subs. Like they had all the time in the world. She felt her entire body clench around the source of her lust: knees digging into a rib cage, ankles striking the back of Ruby’s thighs, hands tugging on locks of dark hair, and pussy forming a vice grip around a single finger.

Calling the shots again, the fucking bitch. Zelena both hated it and loved it, and grunted out her frustration. “Don’t you…” she started, but Ruby was already way ahead of her.

“Shut up,” she said kindly, turning her head so that their foreheads pressed up against one another, and the intimacy of it both excited Zelena and scared the shit out of her. “It’s okay to like it…” Ruby murmured, nipping at Zelena’s bottom lip, but letting go just as quickly.

Zelena opened her mouth for a rebuttal, and then fell silent. Another lie died on her lips. One that she didn’t have to tell because after the first time they’d done this, it had been pretty fucking clear that nothing felt better than fighting this woman tooth and nail until she finally submitted into a bundle of pleasure. But somehow, that didn’t make it any easier to admit. Even though Ruby had already seen her that way.

She wasn’t an idiot or a prude. She knew it was okay to like it. That wasn’t the problem. The problem was how much she liked it and knowing deep down that with anybody else, she’d never ever be that vulnerable. But with Ruby…

“I’ll fucking kill you if you stop…” she found herself saying, so softly that she didn’t know if it was in her own head. And god, if she’d said it out loud, it was too late to turn back now. Grabbing hold of that face, making sure that it didn’t go anywhere as her core came alive with the massaging of that hand, igniting everything stuck inside her until it came bursting out.

“You’re not calling the shots,” Ruby grinned that wolfish grin, causing Zelena to literally snarl and smack Ruby’s chest with clumsy fists. God damnit, she was so infuriating!

Ruby took the hits in stride. In fact, they seemed to amuse her. And then Zelena realized that with every smack of her fist, Ruby pressed her finger deeper inside. Zelena paused to take in this new revelation, and then hit Ruby again. Harder.

Ruby’s eyes flashed in amusement, the grin getting wider. She added a second finger, which slipped into Zelena with ease.

“Jesus!” Zelena breathed out. She was so wet. She could hear Ruby’s fingers slipping in and out of her.

She was in the air and being lifted with great effort until she felt herself freefalling onto the cushions of the couch. It mimicked the panic and the excitement inside her, that same freefalling sensation she always felt with Ruby. Lips were on her neck. Teeth pricking her collarbone.

“Ruby…I…”

The words died as two fingers turned to three and pressed against her core in the most incredible place. It shot up her body with such force that she froze. “Oh god!”

“Tell me you’re a liar,” Ruby’s voice growled at the shell of her ear, sending a shiver down Zelena’s spine so strong that she felt her legs wrap around Ruby’s middle.

“Fuck you!” Zelena realized when it came out of her mouth that it was more of a reflex than a reply. She whimpered, and hated the sound of it so much that she buried her face in Ruby’s neck as if to hide her shame.

Ruby’s palm began slapping against her clit as she thrust inside, and Zelena felt her entire body curl forward into the source of her pleasure. “You don’t want me…” she moaned into Ruby’s ear. A declaration, not a question. Ruby barely took a moment to respond.

“That’s not your call. Or what I asked you. Tell me you’re a liar, Doctor.”

Anger flared in Zelena again, and she uncurled her body, curling her hands into fists to push Ruby away. Of course, she didn’t use nearly enough strength to actually do the job, and for the first time she saw Ruby’s eyes flash in real anger, and bring her free hand up to grab onto Zelena’s neck.

Zelena squared her jaw, and stared at Ruby with dangerous eyes, defiant. She practically dared Ruby to squeeze with the flare of her nostrils, the puckering of her lips.

Ruby just grinned down at her. “The safe word is Quitter.”

Oh. Fuck. _That._

Zelena’s mouth fell open in a tight scoff, jaw still fully clenched. Her eyes nearly sent sparks Ruby’s way. “Go to hell,” she snarled.

The last word nearly died as Ruby squeezed. Every instinct told Zelena to grab hold of Ruby’s wrist and try to break herself free. But she didn’t. Instead, she stilled herself, swallowed, realized she still had the power to do so, and gripped her hands to Ruby’s hips. She kept her eyes on Ruby’s, defiant, as she realized that the fingers sliding out of her walls, the palm hitting her clit, felt absolutely incredible while she was laying like this. She had to take a moment: was that a good thing, or did it piss her off?

Both. Definitely, both. She realized that true guttural moans were dying in her throat, her legs wrapping around Ruby so tightly that it really wouldn’t matter what she said; her body was pretty much speaking for her.

Ruby’s grin turned into a toothy, satisfied smile, and she leaned down to grab hold of Zelena’s earlobe. She bit down hard enough to hurt, but not to draw blood, before she whispered in Zelena’s ear. “I’ll fuck it out of you.”

“Where were you?” Zelena managed under the pressure of Ruby’s hand. It was the wrong thing to say. She felt Ruby freeze on top of her, even if for a moment.

But Ruby recovered quickly, and slammed into Zelena so hard that her body jolted, causing Ruby to lose her grip on Zelena’s throat. Zelena took the opportunity to smack Ruby’s chest again. “You probably left a mark, you asshole!” she said through a moan.

Ruby, who had previously been thrown off by Zelena’s question, looked down at her and let out a genuine laugh. “You think I don’t know how much pressure to apply before I leave a mark? Who do you think you’re dealing with, Doctor Mills? You’re the newb here, not me.”

“God damn you,” Zelena started to struggle, grabbing hold of Ruby’s hand on her throat and pressing hard. She was trying to crush Ruby’s fingers.

Ruby just laughed harder. “Careful, Doctor. You’ll leave a mark on yourself,” she teased.

There was a cacophony of flailing hands for a while, Ruby trying to ward off Zelena’s swats, and Zelena trying to do god knows what as she grunted insults under her breath. It took her a moment to realize that Ruby’s fingers had stilled inside of her. When she did, she stopped, and flashed Ruby a warning look. She clenched her walls around Ruby’s fingers, and ground her hips down to emphasize her point. “I thought you were a pro.”

It was Ruby’s turn for her mouth to fall open in a tight-jawed gape. Her grey eyes nearly went black, and Zelena realized with a bit of terror, but mainly delight, that she had just wounded Mistress Lucas’ pride. “Fucking insolent brat,” she snarled, and Zelena was turned around on her stomach, her hair caught up in a fist to make her head snap back, and Ruby’s fingers began assaulting her from behind.

“Jesus! You fucking asshole…” Zelena nearly cried. Because Ruby was winning, and that pissed her off, but also because Ruby was winning, and that made her even wetter.

“I’m really tired of you calling me that,” Ruby’s voice husked right up to Zelena’s ear, infuriatingly calm. “So stop lying to me, and tell me what I want to hear.”

“You _are_ an asshole!” Zelena spat back.

But Ruby didn’t let up. Her fingers pumped into Zelena with abandon, making anything Zelena wanted to think that much harder to wrap her head around. “You’re either going to say ‘Quitter’, or you’re going to tell me the truth. Your choice, Doctor.”

Zelena had a funny thought just then. Not really because it was funny, but because she was trying to distract herself from the fact that her orgasm was knocking on her door. And nothing was going to be more humiliating than coming underneath Ruby like this. What was funny was that Ruby kept calling her Doctor. I mean, that was funny, right?

Zelena stuffed her face into the cushion of the couch, and murmured what Ruby wanted to hear. Ruby couldn’t have heard it. No way. But she let go of Zelena’s hair and nuzzled into the crook of Zelena’s neck.

“Say it again,” she whispered, and her voice was so tender that Zelena let out a sob at the sound of it. Her pussy was about to explode with the feeling of Ruby’s fingers. Despite everything that had happened in the last however long, they had been sweet, loving, perfect…

She was perfect…

She felt the tears stinging her eyes as she pressed her face further into the cushion. She said it again. Softly.

“Again.”

How Ruby could even hear her, who knew? She probably couldn’t. She was probably counting the syllables based on the vibrations while being nuzzled into Zelena’s throat. And they counted a lot more syllables than Quitter.

She’d heard her already, yeah? So fuck it.

As Zelena’s climax came over her, she lifted herself off the cushion and turned into where Ruby was panting against her skin. “I love you!”

***

Emma woke without any light in the room. Clearly, the sun had yet to come up. It didn’t surprise her; she’d been tossing and turning throughout the night, barely ever reaching true sleep. Pressed against her back was Regina, arm draped around her middle, hand tucked into the hem of Emma’s pajama bottoms. She sighed as she woke up, putting her hand over Regina’s and giving herself a few moments to decide if she was going to try to go back to sleep, or leave the bed.

After a few minutes, it was clear that she wasn’t going to be able to close her eyes again. She pivoted to look at the clock on the bedside table: two thirty in the morning. She let out a tiny groan, and slowly inched away from Regina.

Her partner noticed immediately, body curling in closer protectively, and giving off a little calming moan, as if she’d picked up on Emma’s restlessness and was trying to soothe it. Emma smiled. Even in her sleep, Regina’s nurturing personality shone through. It was such a natural reflex for her.

She intertwined their fingers to gently pull Regina’s arm from her. In response, Regina turned around in bed, taking Emma with her so that Emma was forced into Big Spoon position. Their hands still clasped together, Regina let out a content sigh, and settled back into full sleep. Emma had to hold back her giggle. She pressed her face softly into the nape of Regina’s neck and lightly kissed the skin of her shoulder blade. If it were up to her, they’d stay there forever.

But after a few more minutes, Emma couldn’t get the buzzing out of her head. As carefully as she could, she pulled away from Regina. There was a tiny whimper of disapproval, and Emma had to work quick to get the covers around Regina’s backside to make up for the absence of her body warmth. She even scrunched Pankie up against Regina’s back before she snuck out of bed. Giving her peacefully sleeping partner one last fleeting look, Emma crept out of the room and into the hall.

Coffee. She definitely needed coffee. It was Tuesday, and they were supposed to be meeting with Zelena and Ruby, but they’d decided the night before that it just wasn’t a good idea. They’d had a rough, late night, Emma had some research to do, and she wasn’t looking forward to it.

She made a pot of coffee, and padded into her play/work room. The computer began humming as she turned it on, closing her eyes as she took the first sip of caffeine for the morning. This, she knew in her gut, was one of the last moments of this version of her life. She wasn’t ready to admit it to herself yet, but she knew, deep down, that there wasn’t any need to look that boy up to truly know.

One last sigh, and Emma pulled up her software. She hadn’t looked up her mother in over ten years. No point. A few clicks and she had her legal records up. Eva Swan: several arrests for drunk in public, unarmed robbery, solicitation, and of course, a thousand possession charges. None of that was anything surprising. What was surprising was that the last record of anything had been over five years ago.

Her interest peeked, Emma did a few more searches in her databases. What she found made her sit back in her chair and just take a moment.

Eva Swan: 1961-2015. Drug overdose in Milwaukee, Wisconsin.

Emma looked down at her cup of coffee and searched her soul. She was surprised that the first thing that came to her mind was the conversation she had had with Peter Gold last year when she had visited him in prison.

_“My mother was a drug addict and a whore. She made a lot of enemies. Somebody finally came to collect, and you and I got caught in the cross hairs. That’s it. Rob and my father were always coming over to make sure she didn’t kill me herself by forgetting to feed me or letting me play with knives. They came over that day to check on me, and low and behold, the bitch got herself killed.”_

_Emma winced. “She was your mother…”_

_“She was a whore,” he said through grit teeth. “She didn’t give a damn about me, or you. She took you in for the money, and spent every dime of it on heroin.”_

So much anger. So much resentment. Emma would be lying to herself if she hadn’t felt any of those emotions throughout her life. She had, along with a whole slew of others. But she’d learned a long time ago that holding onto that negativity so desperately wasn’t going to get her anywhere but in a bad spot. Just look at Baby P, she thought to herself. He hated his mother for what she’d become, but in the end, he’d ended up the same way.

No, Emma didn’t have time for that in her life. She’d grieved her loss, come to grips with it, but wanted something better for herself. And she had it, with her friends, with her career, with Regina. Whatever had happened to her had made her the person she was today, with the people she loved. She couldn’t bring herself to hold resentment for that. Her poor mother, Eva Swan, had none of that in her life. She’d died alone, in an unpleasant way. Emma didn’t feel hatred or resentment. She felt pity.

Taking one more deep breath, she closed out the window, and kept searching. She wasn’t looking at Eva’s records for Eva’s sake. She had information to find, if it was there to find in the first place.

And it was. It took some digging, but after a while, Emma found what she was looking for: a birth certificate for a baby named Henry Daniel Swan, August 15, 2010. A few more searches, and Emma found that he’d been seized by the hospital, Eva had never had custody, and he’d been born addicted to heroin.

That explained why he hadn’t been adopted out right away, which was typical with white newborn babies. They weren’t as desirable to people on the waiting list with that little tidbit. Just like on her own birth certificate, his father was marked “unknown”.

There wasn’t much more to find. Juvenile records were sealed up tight, and Emma didn’t have the resources on hand at her home computer like Graham could get ahold of. But she’d found everything she was looking for.

Henry was her brother.

She didn’t realize she was sitting with her head resting in her hands until she heard the whisper of her name. Emma turned to find Regina in the doorway, dark curls tousled about and eyes sleepy. Despite everything she’d just found, Emma smiled at her. She looked beautiful.

“Morning,” she whispered. “I made coffee.”

Regina smiled back a knowing grin that said she knew that was not really the thought on either of their minds.

“She’s dead,” Emma blurted out, and for the life of her, she wasn’t sure why that was what passed through her lips. She found herself wincing as she recognized the confusion on Regina’s face. “Eva Swan. She died four years ago.”

Regina swallowed and blinked, a pain passing over her that Emma recognized all too well. Regina was never good at hiding her emotions when it came to Emma. “I’m sorry,” she answered.

Emma gave her a lopsided grin, and shrugged. “Actually, I think I’m relieved. From everything I’ve ever read, she suffered a lot. Maybe now she’s at peace.”

“That’s a nice way to look at it,” Regina said, sounding a little surprised. Emma wondered if Regina had ever felt the same about her father. But she didn’t think now was the time to ask. The room was already heavy with emotions. “And Henry?”

Emma paused, and spent just the smallest second memorizing Regina’s face. This last moment before reality was going to come screaming at her. Because just like Emma knew deep down who Henry was, she also knew Regina. She knew exactly the effect this news would have on her.

She found that her throat wasn’t working, and she just nodded. Regina gave a sharp little intake of breath, and Emma saw her eyes misting over. Emma was on her feet, and her arms wrapped around Regina’s frame. Regina rested her head on Emma’s chest, and for a moment, the two of them just breathed. Closing her eyes, Emma nuzzled against the dark curls as she heard Regina mumble against her chest.

“What are we going to do?”

Her head was already shaking when she answered. “Nothing right now,” she answered, and as she suspected, Regina pulled away from her. The look in her eyes was intense, scared, incredulous, all things that showed turmoil.

“Nothing?”

Jesus, Emma thought. Because the amount of emotions that were battling in her brain couldn’t articulate everything. That she’d been there, and turned out just fine contrasted with how terrible it had been and she wouldn’t have wished it on her worst enemy. That she wasn’t parent material and had never considered raising a child of her own but she’d be damned if she’d ever turn her back on family like her mother had. That she liked her life and didn’t want it to change, but obviously it already had whether she wanted it to or not. And she…she felt changed.

“I…” but she stopped. God, this was all so jumbled up. And she could see by the look on Regina’s face that she wasn’t fairing any better. “I’ve gotta sit on this one for a while,” she finally went with. What she needed to do, she decided, was plow herself into her work today. Get all of this pent-up energy out, solve a couple of questions on her Lilith Page case, get some paperwork done. Maybe then, she’d have a clearer head.

She could tell by the look on Regina’s face that Regina really, really didn’t want to sit on this. Regina was a problem solver, she was the type of person who needed to talk everything out, get it all out in the open, come up with game plans and solutions. But for this one, Emma couldn’t bring herself to follow that lead. There had been several times in their relationship where one had asked the other to put things on pause, and right now, Emma needed to ask.

Regina must have been thinking the same thing, because her eyes shifted to that understanding Emma knew of her, and she finally gave a relenting smile. “Alright. We’ll talk more later. Do you need anything?”

Laughing a little, Emma shook her head. “To work. I’ve got a full day.”

Nodding, her partner sighed and headed out of the room.

“Regina…” when she turned back around, Emma gave her as much of a reassuring smile as she could muster. “I’m kind of in love with you.”

The tactic worked. An amused smile spread out on Regina’s face, and she rolled her eyes as she came forward. She pecked Emma on the lips and shook her head as she pulled away. “I’m sort of in love with you too,” she chuckled. “Now hurry up and get in the bedroom. My chest is killing me.”

***

The light coming into the windows made Zelena’s head hurt. It forced her to wake up, eyes bleary from so few hours of sleep, body sore from sleeping on foreign cushions. There was a moment of confusion as she recalibrated where she was.

The living room. She was in the living room. On the couch. And next to her…

…Ruby was snoozing on her chest, fist tucked in under her chin, using Zelena’s breast as a pillow.

 _Some domme you are_ , Zelena chuckled to herself. She looked like Emma cuddled up there.

_Oh…shit…_

The night came pouring back into Zelena’s memory, and her throat went dry. Shit. Shit, shit, _shit!_

Why in the hell had she told Ruby she loved her? What the hell was _wrong_ with her? Was she really so easy that she’d confess anything to a girl about to make her come? Was that all it took these days? Was she really so desperate that she was willing to risk their friendship like this?

She gave one last fleeting look to Ruby, looking so peaceful and perfect cuddled up to her like that. And then she slowly maneuvered herself out from under Ruby’s sleeping body. Ruby grunted and rolled over against the cushions of the couch, but luckily, did not wake up as Zelena managed to get herself on her feet.

She needed to leave. She needed to get some of her shit, and go hide out in her office for a day or two. She could not imagine what the hell she would do if Ruby woke up just then.

Jesus Fucking Christ. God, she was dumb.

***

The sun was bright, and there wasn’t a cloud in the sky, but it was colder than hell outside. Emma felt the sting on her skin as if someone was putting ice all over her body. She’d kept her head buried in her work all morning, following up on random cases so that she could spend her afternoon on the Lily Page case. She had plans to make her way to Lily’s job and see if there was anything she could find out from her coworkers.

In the meantime, Ruby had texted.

**Ruby: Hey, you hungry? Wanna come over to the diner?**

Emma had been so focused, she hadn’t even considered food, but now that Ruby mentioned it, she could do with a grilled cheese. That being said, Ruby’s diner was all the way on the other side of town.

**Emma: That’s pretty far for me today Rubes.**

She put her phone down and started to wrap up what she was doing when her phone dinged again.

**Ruby: I kinda need to talk to you.**

That peeked Emma’s interest. Now that she thought about it, she hadn’t seen much of Ruby lately. The last time had been at The Dungeon, but Emma had barely spent any time with her. Before that had been when they had all been helping Margot and Tilly at the café, and it had been brought to her attention that Ruby had seemed quiet and withdrawn. Then there was her absence the night before, when Emma knew that Ruby never worked Monday night shifts. None of these things by themselves would really have made Emma think twice, but putting them together along with a text from Ruby that she wanted to talk suddenly had Emma feeling guilty. She had her own shit happening, sure, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t be there for her best friend.

**Emma: What’s up? You okay?**

**Ruby: Yeah. But is it too much to come out? Its okay if yes, I’ve just been meaning to talk to you.**

Forget the drive, Emma thought. She made her own schedule, and Ruby had never asked her to make her way out there when they were both working to talk to her about something. She’d go talk to Lily’s coworkers after lunch.

Pulling up to the parking lot, she saw Ruby’s red 1975 Mustang that her father had given her as a high school graduation present. Ruby had been babying that car for years, but it was finally starting to die on her in the Boston winters, much like Emma’s Bug. But it was really the only fatherly thing Ruby’s dad had ever done, so she kept it. Emma was impressed that Ruby had gotten it to work that morning as opposed to taking The T.

The sigh of relief at the warmth of the diner left Emma almost immediately. She had barely taken two steps when she spotted Ruby. The diner was empty on a Tuesday mid-morning, save for her best friend and the person she was serving at the front booth: a sandy-haired mop of a boy bundled in a familiar pea coat and red and gray scarf.

Ruby’s head turned at the sound of the doorbell, and her smile spread. “Hey!” she greeted, leaving the boy at the booth and walking up to Emma.

Emma didn’t return the gesture. Instead, she kept her eyes focused on the little head that poked out of the top of the booth. She didn’t even look at Ruby when she approached. “What is he doing here?” she nearly yelled as Henry’s face turned up in recognition.

Ruby’s smile dropped immediately, and her face twisted in confusion. She looked back at Henry, who was getting up out of his seat, and then to Emma again. “Who…Henry? That’s my little man!” she gushed as Henry came running over. But she turned serious again, scrutinizing Emma’s face. “Do you know him?”

The question barely left her mouth as Henry came barreling into Emma’s middle. He wrapped his arms around her tightly, smushing his face into her stomach. Emma caught him in enough time to not be knocked over, but once she got over the initial shock at being tackled, she felt the strangest surge pulse through her body…a mix of apprehension, panic, and…something else. Something dangerously close to connection that she had no intention of humoring just then.

Emma shook her head forcefully. Now wasn’t the time to get attached. Who got attached to a kid they just met, anyway? Even if they were your family?

_Woah…don’t go there, Swan._

Whatever these confusing thoughts were, they were interrupted by the more confused look on Ruby’s face, who was watching the boy smash into Emma with something like disbelief and amusement.

“Emma!” Henry lifted his head and gazed at her. “What’re you doing here?! Hi!”

“What am I doing here?” she asked. “What are _you_ doing here?” What the hell, she thought. Was Henry following her? How would that even be possible?

She didn’t have much time to sort out her theories. Ruby was staring at her as if she’d never seen Emma before in her life, gaping at the fact that Emma was being wrapped in a hug by a kid, wondering what the hell the connection here was. And Emma was wondering what the odds were that not only had she walked into the one place Henry was hanging out, but that he knew Ruby, of all people.

But before either adult could get a word in edgewise, Henry was off on one of his monologues. “I got a chocolate sundae. Ruby makes the best! She says that she mixes it with magic, but she won’t tell me what kind. And sometimes, when I ask nicely, she gives me more cherries because…”

“Why aren’t you in school?” Emma interrupted. She realized that her hands hadn’t quite reciprocated Henry’s hug, but now they were working to peel him off of her. She winced when she noticed that the question sounded more maternal than she probably ever had in her life. She would have felt panic at the implications of that if she wasn’t so preoccupied.

Henry’s face fell instantly, his eyes widening as he finally pulled away. “Uh…” he stammered. “It’s a snow day?”

Emma nearly laughed. “A snow day?” she looked outside at the bright sunlight. It hadn’t snowed in over a week. “That’s what you’re going with?”

Henry gave her a nervous smile, making Emma roll her eyes. “Just go finish your ice cream.”

“Do you know Miss Ruby? Hey, did you do your part of our deal?” he asked, ignoring her question.

“Go!” she barked, realizing she sounded scarily like Regina.

“Ugh!” Henry rolled his eyes and stomped back to his booth.

Emma stared after him until she heard a nervous laugh from her friend. “So what, you part of a village program or something I don’t know about?”

Turning to Ruby, Emma sighed. Despite the cold weather, Ruby was adorned in black cut-off shorts and a short-sleeved white blouse. Her hair was brought up into a ponytail, and she wore a red scarf around her neck. On her hip was her restaurant apron, filled with writing utensils and menus, though Emma didn’t know why she bothered. Ruby never forgot an order.

“No…I…Ruby, how do you know that kid?”

Shrugging, Ruby laughed again. “He’s just some neighborhood kid that comes in here all the time. I pay for his sundae’s. He never has any money, but I think maybe he gets bullied at school or something, because he always comes in the middle of the day and just hangs out for hours.” She leaned in. “I think he has kind of a school yard crush on me. Anyway…” her eyes darted over to Henry as she said, “he never wants to go home. He told me when he first started coming around here that he’s in the system. And…” she shrugged. “I know he’s probably skipping school, but I like the little guy. I don’t know, he sort of reminds me of you back when we were kids.”

Oh, _that_ was too rich.

Emma laughed harder than she meant to, but she just couldn’t help it. “Yeah,” she said, pinching the bridge of her nose. She felt a headache coming on that had nothing to do with a cold. “Yeah, he would. That’s my little brother.” The shape of the words felt so foreign on her lips.

The silence lasted so long, she finally looked up to see Ruby just staring at her. Emma raised her eyebrows, prompting Ruby to have some sort of reaction, but it was almost comical the way she stood stone still.

Ruby’s eyes trailed down over Emma’s face, studying her as if she’d never laid eyes on her before. She did it for so long that Emma started to get nervous, and she cleared her throat. But without a word, Ruby turned on her heel and stormed over to where Henry sat at the booth.

He was elbow deep in his sundae, his face smeared with chocolate syrup. Ruby leaned in so close to him that she could have licked the sundae bowl, and she studied him like she just had Emma.

Henry brought his head up, smiling at her, before asking: “can I have just _one_ more cherry? Please?”

Emma watched as Ruby blinked in his face, studying it quietly with a gaping mouth. She was quiet for so long that Henry started squirming in his seat. “Miss Ruby? Is that okay?”

The words finally had an impact, and Emma saw Ruby physically start, shaken out of whatever trance she had been in. Forcing a smile at him, she nodded. “Yeah. Sure, bud. Be right back.”

Before she went behind the counter, she detoured to Emma, grabbing the cuff of her jacket and dragging Emma with her. When they went behind the wall to the kitchen, Ruby nearly spat in Emma’s face. “What the fuck do you mean he’s your little brother?”

Emma sighed, shaking her head. “It is such a long story, Rubes. I don’t even know where to start.”

Ruby’s eyes got big, and she gave Emma a look that said she was beyond upset. “You maybe want to start by explaining to your best friend how you’ve kept the fact that you have a little brother?!”

Eyes widening, Emma’s hands went up in defense. “Woah. Wait a minute. I literally just found out this morning.”

Ruby looked about as confused as Emma imagined she had yesterday, face twisting in incredulity. “What?! What the hell are you talking about?”

Sighing, Emma repeated pinching the bridge of her nose. “Like I said, it’s a really long story. And probably not one we should have right here, right now. Okay? Just trust me, Rubes. I’ll explain everything. But long story short, that kid showed up on my doorstep because he’d recently found out he had a sister. I looked him up.”

Ruby’s eyes flashed with turmoil. She let out a huge sigh as her body sagged, and she crossed her arms over her chest and looked away. Emma saw her eyes misting over. “Oh my god,” she said under her breath, repeating it again and again as she looked down.

“It’s gunna be okay,” Emma rushed to say. “I’ll figure this out. But I kind of just found out, so I’m a little...I dunno, I haven’t processed it.”

At that, Ruby let out a laugh. “Yeah, no shit!” she said, sighing. She looked at Emma, giving her a smile. “Sorry, I’m just…shocked.”

Emma laughed with her. “Welcome to my world.”

Ruby shook her head, and still laughing, she brought Emma into a hug. Emma sighed as she hugged her friend back. It felt good to just have this moment of understanding. They were both overwhelmed.

“What did you need to talk to me about?” she asked as they pulled away.

Emma saw Ruby’s expression shift, and she was about to answer, when she shook her head. “It’s nothing. Really.”

If Emma knew anyone in the world, it was probably Ruby. And she knew that look and that tone well. “No, seriously. Tell me.”

But Ruby was going to stick to her guns. The thing Emma had just told her had completely derailed whatever Ruby had wanted to talk to her about, and Emma could see that it was going to take more than trying to convince her right here and now to get it out of her. “It’s really nothing big. I’ve just felt a little off lately.”

“Ruby…” Emma started, but they were both interrupted by the jingling of the front door, and a prepubescent voice calling out.

“Miss Ruby! It’s a customer!” Henry screamed. “Can I maybe have _two_ cherries!?”

Laughing, Ruby gave Emma one last smile, and the two of them walked out of the kitchen. Ruby grabbed a jar of cherries from behind the counter as Emma went to Henry’s booth, and she brought it over.

“You,” Ruby smiled at Henry. “Can have as many cherries as you want.” She put five cherries on top of Henry’s melted ice cream and gave him a wink.

Henry’s eyes got so big that Emma thought they were going to pop out of his head. “Wow! Thanks!”

Emma could see that Ruby was about to answer, but her throat tightened, and she nodded as her eyes got misty. Emma felt her heart blow into a thousand pieces as Ruby ran her fingers through Henry’s hair and just looked at him like he was the center of the universe before she finally turned away to greet the customers that had just walked through the door.

Emma made Henry promise to go right back to school after his ice cream. As she left, it occurred to her that it might have been a good idea if she had taken him herself, but the idea of being left alone with him at that moment just seemed way too overwhelming.

She was riddled with guilt at that very notion. What was going on with her? Why had she avoided him like that? Was she really still needing to process, or was it something more? She couldn’t decide. She didn’t want Henry asking her if she’d held up her end of the bargain, because then she’d have to admit to him that she knew exactly who he was. He’d ask her if that meant he was coming to live with her, and Emma honestly couldn’t think of a worse idea.

Her, in charge of a nine-year-old? The woman who’d never even had her own parents to show her what the hell she was supposed to do with one? The unmarried woman with a live-in girlfriend? Or how about the woman who had severe PTSD and half of the time couldn’t even be trusted to keep herself safe, much less another child? The woman who if she was too stressed out had flashbacks of being trapped in a suitcase for three days?

Why was he in the receiving home? And where would he end up after his time there was done? He could still be saved…

A car honked, and Emma started so badly that the bug stalled.

“Shit,” she worked in a frenzy to get it moving so she could make the green light. She’d just about gone back to that place. Nope, nope, nope…not behind the wheel. Keep it together, Swan.

What was she going to do?

Work. She had to work. She’d worry about this later. She’d only do herself a disservice if she couldn’t focus right now…

***

The restaurant that Lily Page worked at couldn’t have been more different than Ruby’s diner. It was romantically lit with soft, warm lighting, the instrumental music that hung in the background gave it a soothing feel that said: relax, have a glass of wine and five courses, and the customer base was dressed in much more business like fanfare. Emma could feel the eyes on her as she walked in with her jeans and beanie, looking more than harassed from her lunch encounter with Henry. It hadn’t even occurred to her that she’d skipped the food portion of the diner altogether, but that didn’t bother her. She was far too wound up to have an appetite.

The hostess gave Emma a friendly smile. “Hi. Do you have a reservation with us?”

Emma smiled back. “No. I’m not here to eat.”

The smile faded on the young girl’s face, and Emma noted she had eyes a little like Bambi: huge and innocent. No wonder they put her at the front of the restaurant; you couldn’t help but feel welcome. “Oh,” she said. “Well, is there anything I can help you with?” The way she said it told Emma she didn’t mean it unkindly, but seemed genuinely confused. Emma had to bite her smile.

“You can, actually. Did you work with Lily Page?”

If those eyes could get any wider, Emma would have been surprised. The girl’s mouth popped open, and she nodded her head. “Yeah. Has her mom found her?”

“No,” Emma shook her head. “That’s why I’m here. I’m trying to help her mom out. Were you and Lily close?”

The girl was about to answer when a man in his thirties, dressed in a tight black collared shirt as opposed to all the other workers Emma could see dressed in white approached. “Hi,” he greeted, his smile not nearly as genuine as the hostess’. “Name’s Matthew. I’m the manager here. Can I help you?”

Emma reached into her pocket and flashed her private investigator badge. She still secretly felt pretty fancy having something like that, but she kept her dorky pride to herself. “I hope so,” she said as she saw his eyes browse over it. She put it back in her pocket. “I’m Emma Swan from Spade Investigations. I’m here about Lily Page.”

The man’s eyes flashed to the hostess, and back at Emma before he nodded his head towards the back of the dining room. “Follow me,” he invited. “Hope this is okay,” he said as he gestured Emma to sit in the booth farthest from the front and next to the restrooms. “I’d rather my customers didn’t overhear.”

“No, that’s fine,” Emma said as she scooted in across from him.

He gave her an appreciative nod. “Thanks. I don’t know how much I can tell you that I haven’t already told the police.”

Emma looked at him, surprised. “The police came here? I was told by Lily’s mom they didn’t really help her out.”

The man named Matthew shrugged. “They called. I doubt they really put much effort into it. The way they asked the questions made it seem like they pretty much had their minds made up.”

“Which was…”

“That Lily just took off.”

Emma kept her eyes on Matthew, looking for any signs of discomfort or insincerity. “And you don’t believe that?” she asked.

Matthew shrugged again. “Honestly, I didn’t know Lily very well. Nobody here did. She was kind of…how do you put it…standoffish?”

The hairs on the back of Emma’s neck stood up at these words. “The mom told me she always went out with her friends from work after her shift.”

Matthew’s eyebrows raised at the remark, looking genuinely surprised. “Lily? No.”

Sitting back, Emma looked around the dining room. There were just a few patrons, all looking as if they were on business lunches. It looked like a place Regina might come with her colleagues. The waiters and waitresses were all very clean cut and stoic, none seeming to pay much attention to her. “I’m…confused.” Emma finally said.

He smiled. “If her mom really thought that, then I am too.” Leaning forward, he said much quieter. “Look, around here, we get nothing but a bunch of stuck-up rich people. And clearly if we work here, we aren’t. It kind of gives us some comradery if you know what I mean?”

Snorting, Emma nodded her head. She did know what he meant. As a child with literally nothing, she was not a stranger to having animosity to people who had it all and didn’t treat those “below” them very well.

“Anyway,” he said. “A lot of us are close. But Lily? To be honest with you, she wasn’t a great fit here. Came off a little too rough around the edges with the customers. And even if she was friendly with any of us, we weren’t tight enough to go out with her after a shift.”

Emma mulled his words over, trying to fit a few pieces in place as he spoke.

“Besides, she was always quick to get out of here. Always using the bathroom to dress up in those weird outfits. I actually had to tell her a few times not to walk out of here looking like that in front of the customers.”

Emma had been looking around the room to see if anything caught her eye, but her head snapped back to Matthew at his words. “Looking like what?”

He sighed, and Emma could have sworn that in the dim light she saw him turn a few shades darker. “Like she was about to go to a burlesque show? All leathered and fishnetted up. It was kind of a running joke around here after she left. Like, ‘oh there goes Lily off to her second job making way better tips’.”

Narrowing her eyes, Emma asked. “You think she was stripping?”

But Matthew shook his head. “I don’t think so. She kept saying she was going dancing, but she never made it sound like she was working or anything. She actually said she was going to go let loose, grab a few drinks.”

“Oh.”

Oh. Leather and fishnets? Going dancing and getting drinks? That sounded an awful lot like…

“She ever mention a place called The Dungeon? Or Eye Candy?” Emma asked.

Matthew gave Emma a blank look, and blinked. “Uh, nope. Doesn’t sound familiar.”

“Alright. Can you think of anything else that might help my investigation?”

With a smile, he shook his head. “Sorry. Like I said, nobody here was very close to Lily.”

Even so, Emma asked to speak with the rest of the employees, but all had the same thing to say: Lily wasn’t a very warm person, so they all kept an arm’s length from her, and she’d never so much as exchanged numbers with any of them to hang out after work. A couple mentioned her dressing strange in the bathroom before leaving, but nobody had any idea if that was just how she dressed or if it meant anything specific. Emma seemed to be the only one who understood the implications.

***

“What the fuck was that last night?” Zelena yelled into the phone. Regina winced and pulled the receiver away from her ear. This was not how she had wanted to spend her lunch hour: listening to her sister screech at her.

Not that it mattered. Regina didn’t have much of an appetite. She was trying to busy herself with paperwork to keep her mind off Henry and Emma, but it wasn’t working so well.

“What do you mean?” she asked tiredly.

“Don’t give me that,” her sister snapped. “Something was clearly wrong. Please tell me she didn’t turn you down.”

It took a moment for Regina to realize what Zelena was talking about. “What…no! Jesus, Zelena, I didn’t propose to her last night!” God, that worry seemed like years away. Talk about a clog in the works! Finding the right moment to propose wasn’t going to be easy right now.

“Well then, what the bloody hell is going on? The two of you acted like you stayed home but sent body doubles over for dinner.”

Trying to find her schedule book, Regina sighed as she rifled through her purse. As she did, she noticed an envelope that she didn’t recognize sticking out of one of the pockets. “Give me a second,” she mumbled to her sister, who kept chattering on anyway.

Opening it, she saw Emma’s handwriting on a little card she’d seen somewhere around the house.

_You’re beautiful. Have a good day. xoxo_

Despite everything, a huge smile splayed across Regina’s face, nearly splitting her cheeks. Emma must have put it in her purse before she left for work.

“Zee,” she finally sighed when her sister’s incessant talking didn’t calm down. “Look, I’m not sure I should say anything, but something came up yesterday. And Emma and I…well, we just need some time to ourselves.” Speaking of which, Regina felt a worried pang hit her chest as she thought of Emma leaving for work that morning. She’d been so subdued the night before and during getting ready just a few hours earlier, that it took Regina all her strength to not demand keeping Emma home for the day. Emma, of course, had noticed her clear hesitation, and done her best to put on her brave face. She’d assured Regina every way she could think.

“What’s come up? What’s happened?”

Regina gritted her teeth. Jesus, sometimes her sister was annoying. She readied her best dominant voice, and barked through the speaker. “Zelena, some things are sacred between couples. I don’t need to tell you everything that is going on in my relationship.”

However, the dismissive scoff that answered her didn’t pick up on her energy at all. “I’m coming over this afternoon. We’ll talk then.”

Regina grumbled in annoyance, and hung the phone up without saying goodbye. She was not looking forward to that conversation at all.

When she and Zelena did have a few moments together before Emma came home, Regina begrudgingly told her what had happened. And while she was doing it, she was bothered by the fact that her sister was being so pushy. What was she doing trying to make Regina spill her guts after a long day of work, anyway? Hadn’t she had enough of that with her clients? Why couldn’t she just leave it alone and go home?

Not Zelena’s style. She was nothing if not persistent.

“Jesus,” Zelena breathed out, staring at her sister. Regina had made tea, but both had forgotten theirs in front of them as she told her sister what had happened last night. “A brother?”

“I know,” Regina said, running her hands through her hair. “You should have seen him, Zee. They’d never met before, and he does these things that Emma does. It’s just…I don’t know how to describe it.”

“Is she okay?”

“She’s…Emma,” Regina sighed.

“Well, I can’t say I blame her,” Zelena chuckled. “Christ, if a random kid showed up on my doorstep claiming to be my brother, I’d have a heart attack.”

Regina looked up and gave Zelena an annoyed look. “Yeah. One sibling is quite enough for me.”

Zelena kept talking as if Regina hadn’t just insulted her. “Still, she’s gotta talk about it some time.”

“She knows. We’ve been through this before. We check in with each other until we’re ready to talk. She just needs some time.”

“Good,” Zelena said cheerily, finally picking up her tea to take a sip. “What about you? How’re you handling the whole thing?”

Regina paused, gathering her thoughts. She imagined that Emma felt much like her: it was all so jumbled in her head and she needed time to sort through it all, put the pieces together, before she could articulate any type of describable emotion. “I don’t know,” she admitted. “I’m still processing.”

But Zelena made a noise, and a smile creeped up on her face as she took another sip. Regina narrowed her eyes. “What?”

“Oh,” Zelena gave an exaggerated sigh as she put down her mug, “nothing. I’m just adoring how careful you’re being. But you’ll have to say it at some point.”

“Say what?” Regina snapped. This was why she hated talking to Zelena about difficult things. She always threw the hardest parts at Regina and made her face them.

Zelena laughed at the clear annoyance she’d brought about, only irritating Regina more. “Say how much this boy has already snuck his way in here…” she poked her finger into Regina’s chest, earning her hand a smack.

“Stop it,” she seethed at Zelena. “That’s not fair.”

But Zelana just shrugged. “Fair or not, I know you, Bun. If that little boy is Emma’s brother, I know exactly what is going on in that head of yours. And I’m willing to bet, so does Emma.”

Regina closed her eyes tightly and sighed. Christ, she thought. It really was no use. Her friends and family knew her too well. And as for Emma…she was trying to avoid the fact that Zelena was undoubtably right. However, this was Emma’s little brother, not hers. This was Emma’s choice….

Zelena was about to say something when the front door opened.

“I’m home,” Emma called, and Regina was going to tell her sister to keep her trap shut, when Zelena launched out of her chair to meet Emma as she came into the dining room.

“My Little Dove!” she cooed. “It’s going to be just fine. Don’t you worry. But I get you’re going through a lot. If a new sibling knocked on my front door, I’d lose my shit. I’ve got enough problems with that one,” she pointed Regina’s way.

Emma’s eyes widened, and she opened her mouth to say something, but then closed it again.

Regina groaned, and smacked her head down on the table.

***

To say Regina was trying to savor the serenity of the moment would have been an understatement. She watched as her fingers slowly ebbed in and out from between Emma’s, the sun setting behind the city sending bursts of vibrant orange and yellow and bright pink through the window and onto their skin. It would have been cold, but Emma curled into her and a blanket around them kept her warm, tucked into the large cushion of their chair.

She tried to ignore the shallow and sometimes sporadic breaths that Emma took, but with how calm everything else was, it stuck out like a sore thumb. She tucked her chin closer to Emma’s, nuzzling their heads together, her arm pulling Emma’s body even closer to her own. They were a tangle of limbs on the reclining chair, snuggled into one another, post nursing. The fact that the milk hadn’t evened Emma’s breathing out was worrying Regina. She squeezed the hand in hers. “Catch those breaths, my love,” she whispered gently.

Emma responded by guiding both of their hands to press on Regina’s bare chest, and she turned her palm to feel Regina’s heartbeat. She was quiet for a moment as she felt the palpitations. Regina felt her heart skip once at Emma’s initial touch, a normal reaction, and then steady again. Regina saw the corner of Emma’s mouth turn up as she pressed, and then sigh. She waited as she saw Emma concentrate, and steady her breathing. After a few moments, she could tell that Emma was mimicking the directions she’d received numerous times from both Zelena and Archie. A smile spreading on her face, she leaned up and kissed Emma’s temple. “Good girl,” she murmured, taking her hand away from Emma’s against her chest and beginning to run her fingers through the long blonde hair. “Keep going. That’s my girl…”

“Can the world stop?” she heard, barely above a breath of its own, and the Little tone mixed with an anxious adult, nearly made Regina’s heart shatter. A piece of her felt it too: that this moment, in and of itself, was perfect. But just like all perfect moments, it would end. The sunset would fade into an inky black over thousands of white city lights, then come back around for another go. A new day of decisions and revelations and responsibilities would tear their nest apart. They’d have to get up, she’d have to let go of her girl, spend hours hoping that she was still breathing evenly, until they could be together again.

She squeezed Emma tighter, resting her lips back against her temple and holding them there as she shut her eyes against Emma’s hair. “It’ll be alright,” she whispered in response. Because what could you answer to a question like that? If she had the power, she would have. She’d stop the world for Emma. Always.

Emma sighed, breaking the exercise, and she nuzzled into the crook of Regina’s neck. Regina brought the blanket up higher around them, rubbing Emma’s back as she did. “Keep going. Nice long breaths.” And as Emma did as she was told, Regina encouraged her with that steady hand on her back. “Good job, baby.”

Emma kept going, and eventually took her hand away from Regina’s chest to point to the side table next to them. Regina grinned as she followed that hand and picked up the book they were reading.

As Emma’s fingers found her mouth, Regina opened to the last page they had been on and cleared her throat. The light from the sunset was just enough for her to read.

“Now this is the Law of the Jungle-as old and as true as the sky;

And the Wolf that shall keep it may prosper,

But the Wolf that shall break it must die.”

Regina lifted her knee to steady the book as she reached to Emma’s lap and took the pacifier that was resting there. With an expert hand, she used her index to guide Emma’s fingers out from between her lips, and her pinky and ring to guide the nipple of the paci in.

Emma took it and sighed around it, the paci immediately bobbing with her suckling. They were forceful, just like Emma always did when she was anxious.

“As the creeper that girdles the tree-trunk

The Law runneth forward and back-

For the strength of the Pack is the Wolf, and

The strength of the Wolf is the Pack.”

She turned to kiss that temple again. “Steady breaths, my love,” she whispered, reminding Emma of her breathing exercises. Emma’s forceful suckling steadied, and she closed her eyes momentarily to make herself heed the gentle command. When Regina saw her take in her first breath, she smiled and went back to reading.

“Wash daily from nose-tip to tail-tip; drink

Deeply, but never too deep;

And remember the night is for hunting, and

Forget not the day is for sleep.”

Emma’s arm wrapped around Regina’s neck, and she rooted against the crook of Regina’s neck. Regina felt Emma’s paci nudge against her skin, Emma’s even breathing just above it. As she kept reading, holding Emma closely, carefully saying the words while even more carefully feeling that breath stay steady, Regina wished too that just for them, just this once, the world would stop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know you guys love you some Zuby. <3


	8. Slug Bug

“Hey,” Regina felt her shoulder bumped, and broke out of her reverie to see Ashley, Sean, and Elsa all looking at her. It appeared they had been for a while.

“What?” Regina asked, looking to her friends to repeat whatever they had said so she could answer their question. “Sorry, the music’s loud in here,” she tried.

But that just had her friends laughing. At what point was the music in The Dungeon not loud? It had been a crappy excuse, and not the reason Regina hadn’t heard what they’d said. She was looking at Emma, who at the moment, was sitting on the floor with her friends, but not really engaging with them. Emma hadn’t taken her paci out of her mouth all night, hadn’t said a word, and while she sat with her friends and rolled the ball when it was her turn, that was about all she seemed to be doing.

“Hey, what’s going on?” Elsa leaned into her. “Both of you seem really out of it.”

“Yeah, Emma’s always quiet,” Ashley said. “But you’re not even here. Everything okay?”

Regina put on a brave face and smiled at her friends. “Sorry,” she said. “Things have just been a little hectic lately,” was all she could think to say. And that wasn’t a lie, but if they were to ask her why that had been, Regina wasn’t prepared to tell them. Not even Elsa, who she’d gotten close with since Anna and Emma had become best Little buddies.

You didn’t have to know Emma as well as Regina did to see that Emma was having a hard time processing everything. She had walked around the house zombified that morning, and Regina couldn’t say she blamed her. In the past few days, Emma had found out the woman who’d given birth to her was dead and that she had a little brother stuck in the system she’d barely survived herself.

Turning back to Emma, she saw Will taking off his shark hoodie and wrapping it around her. He helped Emma get her arms in the sleeves and then put the hood over her head, giving Emma huge black eyes and a row of giant, deadly teeth. The group of them laughed and clapped for her. Emma’s hands went to the strings of the hoodie and twisted them around her fingers, looking down to avoid having to celebrate with her friends.

A pang hit Regina’s chest, and she tore her gaze away. Ashley and Sean were talking amongst themselves, Ashley shooting a few nervous glances Regina’s way, but deciding not to push any further. Elsa, on the other hand, had her eyes on Emma too. “Is she maybe still sick?” she asked.

Regina was about to answer, when she saw Ruby coming towards them. Beside her was Mulan and Belle. Belle bounded up and threw her hands around Regina. She caught her as Belle whispered in her ear. “Mulan’s taking me home tonight.”

Regina’s eyebrows shot up, and she looked to Mulan, who seemed preoccupied with her beer. This was a good thing, she thought. Maybe Mulan could get her mind off Aurora for a night. She kissed Belle on the cheek hello as they pulled apart.

“There she is!” Belle exclaimed when her eyes caught Emma, and Regina watched as she went over and leaned down to hug Emma’s neck. She saw Emma give a smile of familiarity and Belle said something as she booped Emma on the nose before going back to Mulan.

“Hey Mama Bear,” Ruby’s voice came into Regina’s ear as she approached, putting her arm around Regina’s waist, forcing Regina’s eyes to tear away from Emma once more. She pulled Regina away from their friends, and while Regina watched briefly as Mulan and Belle took hold of each other’s hands, Ashley and Seah gave each other a look and turned to walk away.

Regina wondered why for a moment, but Ruby whipped around to look at her and whispered: “You guys good?” so Mulan, Belle, and Elsa couldn’t hear her.

Turning to Ruby, Regina was about to give an answer when she saw a darkness in Ruby’s eyes she wasn’t used to, rings under them that weren’t always there. It threw her for a moment. “We’re hanging in there,” she answered. “Are you okay? You look…”

Suddenly, the rings under Ruby’s eyes crinkled, and she gave Regina one of her toothy smiles. “I’m good,” she said quickly. “Just been partying hard lately.”

Regina glanced over Ruby once, brows knit together, biting her lip. Maybe it was her imagination…

The smile vanished as Ruby looked away and over Regina’s shoulder. Her eyes darkened again. “You two talked about it yet, or is she shutting down?”

Whipping her head around to follow Ruby’s eyes, she saw Emma still sitting there stoically, having hardly any reaction to Anna doing the Baby Shark dance while Will tried to get Anna to stop.

“We talked briefly,” Regina sighed, turning back around and closing her eyes. “But I think she’s still having a hard time with finding words for it.”

Ruby said nothing for a moment, eyes floating between Regina and Emma. The silence and the way that Ruby gave Regina that understanding, no judgement look, had her sighing.

“I hate this, Rubes. What it’s doing to Emma. And…I hate thinking of him being without a family,” Regina found herself saying, and it felt both good to say out loud and extremely dangerous. As if saying something like that gave her the responsibility to fix it. When she looked up at her friend, Ruby’s expression hadn’t changed. She just gazed at Regina without showing what she was thinking.

“You said that to Emma?” she finally asked.

Regina was going to answer, but stopped. Instead, she asked, “do you remember her being at Mercy House?”

At that, Ruby smiled and she rolled her eyes. “Regina, if I remembered the name of every place Emma was bounced around when we were kids, I’d be in the Guinness Book of World Records for best memory ever.”

If that was meant to be a joke, Regina didn’t find it funny. She tried not to let the chill going down her spine show, but she doubted she was succeeding.

“I told you, Emma never talked about that stuff. Just one day, she’s got a different address.”

“She said that Mercy House was where they held kids to find them new homes because they couldn’t stay where they were. Like a ninety-day holding block.” The way it left her mouth, Regina had nearly spat it out. It still sounded disgusting to her.

“Like Purgatory for children?”

“Emma and Henry called it Hell. Mercy Hell.”

And then, Ruby’s face lit up with recognition. “Oh!” she exclaimed. “ _That_ place? Shit, Emma was there like every year! It always sucked too because they were way militant about where she was all the time and she couldn’t hang out as much.”

“Great,” Regina huffed out. What was she supposed to say to that? The way Emma, Ruby and Mary Margaret talked about Emma’s childhood seemed so nonchalant because they had lived it, but for Regina, it felt too…she didn’t know what. Sad, maybe.

Ruby must have noticed, because she turned serious again, sighing. “Look, I don’t know what you and Emma have talked about so far, but I saw them together the other day. And I’ll tell you what, I’ve known Emma most of her life. I can tell everything about her just by looking at her, because god forbid she fucking _express_ emotions. And she looked scared shitless.”

Regina scoffed to the point of her body sagging. “Well, thanks Ruby! That really helps!”

But Ruby just laughed. “It should! You think Emma would be scared to death like that if she didn’t give a damn? Regina, come on. You know her. If she didn’t care, she’d be yelling at all of us to get over it and move on. She’s not doing that. Look at her over there,” she nodded to Emma, and Regina’s eyes followed to see Emma still sitting there as Tilly tried to get her to play a hand of Uno. “She’s a zombie. When is Emma a zombie?”

And quietly, Regina answered, “When she can’t get something out of her head.”

“Right,” Ruby nodded proudly. “Look, you guys might not have decided to jump into something right away, and that’s understandable. But if you’re considering what I think you’re considering? Emma’s not completely off the boat. The fact that she can barely talk about it tells me she’s at least considering whether or not to get on board.”

“I didn’t say we were going to...”

But Ruby’s eye roll was back, and she sighed as if implying that Regina really needed to get a clue. “I also know you, Mama Bear. I know you well enough to know that there’s no way in hell you aren’t considering getting Henry the out of his situation. For good. And so does Emma. She knows exactly where you stand. She doesn’t even need to ask you. But just so you know, you may have some serious competition with me. I love that kid.”

For the first time, Regina’s face broke out in a smile. “I forgot. Emma told me you’ve known him a while. You would have a hard time keeping my sister as a roommate if you suddenly brought a child home,” she chuckled.

But oddly, Ruby’s smile didn’t reach her eyes, and the laugh she let out had no humor in it. She quickly brought her beer to her mouth and sipped at it, averting her eyes. Regina’s spidey-senses went up, and she gave Ruby a queer smile. “Hey, everything alright?”

“Hm?” Ruby tore her beer away from her lips and gave Regina a questioning look, but she’d been a beat too late, and Regina was thrown back to their morning a couple of weeks ago when she and Ruby had spoken after coffee. “Yeah!” this time, Ruby smiled wide. “Things are good. I mean, like I said, I’ve been…”

Her voice trailed off along with her eyes, and Regina followed them to a group by the dance floor. Killian was standing with a bunch of their friends, including Belle and Mulan who had joined them. Aurora and Ashley were engaged in a conversation that had them tearing up with laughter, Ingrid was pretending to pay attention to what was happening, but unsurprisingly to Regina, she kept flashing her eyes their way. Sean and Philip were talking with Killian, and all three men looked her way before Ruby averted her eyes quickly.

“Okay,” Regina gave Ruby a serious look. “What’s going on? Are you and Killian…?”

“It’s not Killian,” Ruby interrupted. “But he got pissed off at me a few nights ago. Said I was being ‘distant’?” she used air quotes and rolled her eyes. “And I had to remind him that I had every right to be ‘distant’ because he wasn’t my damn boyfriend.”

But Regina didn’t meet Ruby’s morbid humor. “Maybe he was just worried about you?”

At that, Ruby’s incredulity vanished, and guilt plastered all over her face. Regina knew that Killian, while really caring for Ruby, held no delusions about their relationship. If he had said something like that, he was probably just trying to get her to talk. Judging by the expression Ruby held now, she was well aware. So Killian wasn’t the problem. What was?

Regina looked back over to the group. Killian was talking to Philip now, attention elsewhere. For a tiny moment, Ingrid met Regina’s eye, but Regina was quick to dance over them to not give Ingrid the slightest bit of attention.

Ruby called Regina back. “Can I ask you…what was it about Emma that made you leave all this behind?”

Whipping her head back around to her friend, Regina blinked, surprised by the question. Was that it? Was Ruby thinking about leaving The Scene? “Why, are you thinking about it?”

Shaking her head, Ruby said, “No. It isn’t that. It’s just…I mean, you were really involved here. Then one day, just poof. What was it about her?”

Sighing, Regina smiled. “Well, it wasn’t all Emma. To be honest, this was all starting to get old. Not the Play, mind you. That always kept me guessing. But just the ritual of it all. Finding a person, going through the rules, the green lights and the red lights,” as she ticked them off, Ruby began to talk with her, finishing her sentence, and nodded.

“Yeah, I get that,” she laughed.

“But then, also when it was over, that was it. You know? There wasn’t any more depth to it. Which I get is the point, but after a while, I was just looking for something…”

“More?” Ruby finished for her again.

“Yes. And Emma, she just fell into my lap at the exact right time. I saw something in her that I could never have with any other sub.” When she realized Ruby was waiting for her to expand, she said, “connection. It was more, obviously. I never did Caregiving with any of my subs. It felt far too intimate to me. Like a side of myself I didn’t trust with just anyone. And when I saw Emma was looking for it, I was just…”

“You’re welcome,” Ruby grinned.

Regina laughed, and nudged Ruby.

“Nah,” she laughed with Regina. “You two would have found each other eventually, with or without my help. It’s clear the two of you were fate.”

But Regina turned serious as she looked at her friend. “It’s okay if you want a break from all of this, Rubes. It’s a lot. The whole Scene is a lot.”

Ruby’s eyes trailed back to Killian at the group, and Regina saw her swallow hard before bringing her beer back to her lips. “Tell me about it,” she mumbled.

Just then, Regina felt arms go around her waist, and saw that Emma had come up to them, head hidden under the shark hoodie, face now buried in Regina’s neck. “Mama,” she mumbled, only Regina being able to hear her since she was so close. “I wanna go home.”

Bringing her arms around her Little One, Regina hummed into Emma’s temple before kissing it. She had been planning to tell Emma it was time right after talking with Ruby, as she could tell by watching that Emma was not at all having a good time. “Okay, my love. Why don’t you give Will his sweater back, and then we’ll go.”

“He said I could borrow it,” Emma answered as she unburied her face, rubbing her eyes. Regina saw they were a little red, as if she had been holding back tears. She was about to say something when Ruby wrapped her arms around Emma’s middle from behind, and lifted her up into the air. Emma squealed, kicking her legs out. “Rubes! Pummee down!” but she was laughing, and Regina was happy for that. Ruby had gotten a smile out of her.

Ruby danced feather kisses over Emma’s neck, making her scream in laughter, and she held out her hands for Regina to save her.

Feeling relieved that Emma was showing some humor, Regina smiled as she shook her head. “Alright, alright. Put her down and say goodnight to each other.”

Ruby put Emma on the ground immediately, and spun her around. She grabbed the hoodie and jerked it further over Emma’s face, who flailed her arms out to try and push Ruby away, but she failed. Ruby planted a hard kiss on Emma’s hooded forehead and tossed her Regina’s way. Grabbing hold of Emma just in time to keep her from sprawling out on the club floor, Regina scoffed and cursed Ruby out.

“Later, Mama Bear,” Ruby answered, laughing as she walked away. “Bye, Em,” she called as she left. Regina noticed she didn’t go towards the group of their friends, but before she could follow Ruby’s movements, Emma was taking her hand and leading her away, mumbling how stupid she thought Ruby was.

Tapping Emma’s bottom, Regina chided her for using not so nice language, and then they were out the door and into the crisp air, heading for the car.

However, Emma was subdued the rest of the way home, and even when Regina asked her why she’d wanted to leave, she just shrugged her shoulders.

“Mama, can I have just one small fry?” she asked as Regina drove, causing Regina to smile. French fries had become a single fry somewhere along the way of Emma trying to plead her case that she wouldn’t have too many.

“Hm…” she mused out loud as Emma brought her fingers up to pinch in Regina’s face.

“Just one, itty bitty fry?” she asked.

Despite herself, Regina laughed. “Alright,” she relented, and made the detour to get Emma a kid’s size order of fries from McDonald’s as long as Emma promised not to throw a fit about brushing her teeth.

And she didn’t. The fries were gone before they reached the apartment, and Emma held Regina’s hand all the way up the elevator and to the front door before letting go to run down the hallway. As Regina put her bag down and took off her jacket, Emma came back with Pankie in one hand and a coloring book in the other.

“Come here, please,” Regina tutted as she took the items out of Emma’s hand to get her out of her jacket. “And what’s with the coloring book?”

Emma gave Regina the Mills Family Look that she was getting very good at, though Regina didn’t appreciate it so much when Emma was Little: the one that told her she was being ridiculous for even asking. “To color,” she stated.

But Regina shook her head. “It’s past ten o’clock. I think we need to get in our jamies and have story time.”

Emma matched her movements. “I wanna color first. Please?”

Noting a hint of apprehension in Emma’s voice, Regina stopped and regarded Emma for a moment. “You can color,” she started, “if you tell me why you wanted to leave The Playpen so early.”

At that, Emma’s arms dropped to her sides, her items hitting her thighs. Her eyes traveled away from Regina’s gaze, and she shrugged her shoulders. “Didn’t wanna play anymore,” she mumbled. The shark hoodie she had borrowed from Will was still draped over her head, and the fabric teeth covered the crease in her brow that Regina knew was there.

Regina cocked an eyebrow, and gave Emma a wry smile. “Yes, I guessed that much. But why didn’t you want to play anymore, honey?”

Her brows bunched closer together, and Emma looked like she was deciding whether or not to say something. That sent a stream of discomfort through Regina, and she stepped forward into Emma’s space. “Hey,” she whispered, gently removing the hood from Emma’s head and brushing her cheek with a soft finger. “Talk to me.”

Worrying her lower lip, Emma leaned into the gesture and brought Pankie up towards her face. “Is it okay if we talk tomorrow? Please, Mommy?”

 _Mommy._ Regina couldn’t help her smile, and she took Emma’s face in her hands and kissed her gently on the lips. “Alright, my love,” she said. “Let’s go change you.”

Emma had her fingers in her mouth by the time they reached their room, and Regina tutted at her and unclipped her paci from the shark hoodie as she rid Emma of its sleeves. But Emma turned her face away when it was offered. “Green one,” she announced, and added, “please,” when Regina gave her a pointed look.

Obliging the request, Regina found Emma’s favorite green pacifier sitting in her crib, and coaxed it into Emma’s mouth as she guided her to sit on the bed to finish undressing her. Emma was a good helper, sticking her arms up and lifting her bottom so Regina could take off her club clothes. “Diaper tonight, alright, Em?” she said, and flashed her eyes Emma’s way to see if there was going to be any resistance. Emma may try to deny she was in a mental state to be worried about having a flashback or regressing, but Regina had seen way too many signs that the exact opposite was true.

To her credit, however Emma simply flopped down on the mattress, causing Regina to chuckle as she went to the drawer under Emma’s crib to grab her changing items. Sliding the changing pad under Emma’s bottom and powdering Emma down, she found herself smiling when she heard Emma’s usual sigh at this action. These rituals, no matter how stressed Emma might be, calmed her. They calmed Regina too, and she taped Emma up before grabbing her pajama bottoms and finishing to dress her.

As usual, Emma tried to get away when Regina brought out her slipper socks, but pointing back to the mattress, Regina said in a firmer tone. “Bottom on the bed. Give me your feet, please.”

Emma set her face into a pout behind her paci, but did as she was told. As Regina adorned her feet in the socks, Emma grabbed the coloring book again and lifted it up, indicating it was time to color. Regina smiled at her. “How about first we nurse, and then you can color, hm?”

Emma lowered the coloring book slightly, and Regina saw her eyes shift. Just barely, but it was enough for Regina to notice. They had nursed just before the club, which typically meant Regina didn’t have any milk until much later. There were only certain times Regina had more milk and she needed to rid herself of it more often: when her emotions were running high. More precisely, when her emotions towards Emma were running high. For whatever reason, one had a massive effect on the other. In times where Regina was busier with work and Emma was doing well, she barely had to pump in the middle of the day. In times where she felt protective of Emma and worried about her, she could barely keep her breasts empty.

Emma knew this better than anyone, and the look in her eyes made it clear that Emma’s Headspace had just been rattled by the information, something that Regina did not want. Because Regina typically had another reaction when her emotions were running high: she wanted her Little One.

She gave Emma her most reassuring smile, and held her arms out. “Come here to me, baby.”

Emma blinked, the slightest bit of hesitation. Regina saw the wheels turning in her head that she wanted so much to comfort Regina at the knowledge she’d just received. And then, to her relief, Regina saw them shift again. Because Emma knew exactly what Regina really wanted just then, what was really going to make her feel comforted. So she dropped the book back on the bed and held her arms out and let Regina help her to her feet. Emma squeezed Regina’s neck, and Regina paused to just hold her. Bringing a hand to cradle Emma’s head to her shoulder, she crooned in Emma’s ear. “Come on, Little One.”

Emma hummed around her pacifier, arms squeezing just a bit tighter, until Regina broke them away and led them to their chair. As Regina undid her shirt and took Emma’s paci out of her mouth, Emma tucked in immediately. Feeling Emma’s lips clasp around her nipple and tug at the ache there, the relief at her milk releasing forced Regina to rest her face in Emma’s hair. “Mm,” she hummed appreciatively. “That’s my good girl.”

Emma’s fingers began to gently kneed at the mound of Regina’s breast, and a wave of pleasure went through her body at the sensation of the suckling mixed with the relief. Emma continued to rub Regina’s shoulders and chest as she suckled.

When both breasts were empty, Regina was in much higher spirits. Once again, Emma’s lack of fatigue after nursing surprised her. Emma must have really had a lot on her mind if nursing hadn’t tired her out, but she swallowed her worry and let Emma pick a book for the night that she would read after Emma was done coloring. After she picked two, Regina let her take her coloring book into the living room and spread her crayons out on the coffee table.

The two books Emma had picked were ones that only Baby Emma or an Emma in a much smaller headspace liked, so Regina made herself some tea as she watched Emma scribble in between the lines. The coloring book was almost finished; yet another trip to the store was going to have to be made to feed her artistic habit.

As Regina came and sat on the couch, Emma scooched herself in between Regina’s legs, and hovered over her coloring page.

“Which book are we going to read first tonight?” Regina asked as she put her tea down to let Emma’s hair loose from its ponytail and ran her fingers through the long locks.

Emma’s shoulders rose up and then went back down in a silent shrug, and Regina could hear her sucking forcefully on her paci. It caused her to lean over and kiss the top of Emma’s head. Emma not picking her own book was just one more indication of her turmoil: she wanted Regina to make all the choices tonight. This was a common tactic Emma used when she was more stressed than usual. When it happened, be it because of work or something else, Emma spent much more time in her Little Headspace, sitting at Regina’s heels and pretty much being happy with Regina making all the decisions around the house, including every little thing Emma did.

Trying to soothe that anxiety, Regina kept running her fingers through Emma’s hair, leaning down to whisper in her ear. “Hey, look at me.”

Emma peeked over her shoulder, crayon in her hand pausing. Regina gave those big green eyes her best smile. “Everything’s okay, honey,” she reassured, kissing Emma’s shoulder. “What’s my promise to you?”

The question prompted Emma to slowly put the crayon down and turn to put her arms out. She helped Regina hoist her up onto her lap, and Regina felt a bit of herself shatter as those arms squeezed around her neck and Emma hid there. Wrapping her arms around Emma’s middle, she felt the jerky intake of an unsteady breath. “Sshh…” she murmured. “It’s okay. Everything’s going to be okay…”

“You’ll keep me safe,” Emma had taken her paci out and whispered quietly. Regina wasn’t sure if she was answering the question she’d asked, or if Emma was reminding herself of its truth.

“I will. I absolutely will,” she murmured, kissing the top of her Little One’s head. “Oh, baby…it’s okay,” she answered another sharp intake of breath, bringing a hand down to pat Emma’s bottom. Emma curled further into her, and Regina worked to pivot Emma in her arms, cradling her.

Emma tucked into Regina’s chest, allowing Regina to take the paci out of her hand and put it to the side. “Who loves you, Emma?”

Emma looked up at her with wide eyes, but Regina could tell that they were starting to get sleepy. Instead of answering with words, Emma pointed a finger in her mama’s chest. Smiling, Regina took hold of those fingers and brought them to her lips, kissing them tenderly. “Good girl.”

***

Regina woke up alone, and it took her a moment to realize she was smelling coffee and sourdough toast. A smile crept up on her face, and she got up to find Emma working away in the kitchen, cutting up grapefruit.

“Huh,” Regina gave a little chuckle as she looked around. “Am I seeing things?”

Emma looked up from what she was doing, and she reached for Regina’s coffee mug, already filled with coffee and just the right about of creamer Regina liked. “I take offense to that, Miss Mills. I’ve made you coffee a thousand times,” she said jokingly.

The smallest pang hit Regina’s chest at her last name, and her mind traveled to the box secretly tucked away in her office desk drawer. She didn’t want to stay a Miss for forever. But proposing to Emma at that time just to ease her own mind felt somehow selfish. That might seem silly, but Regina couldn’t help it. Emma had enough on her mind.

Bringing herself back to the present, Regina hummed as she took her first sip. “True. But breakfast?”

Emma scoffed as she leaned in, kissing Regina good morning. As soon as their lips touched, Regina felt that she couldn’t pull away. There was a little more emotion behind it than a typical hello kiss, and she slowed down to savor the moment before finally breaking their lips apart.

A little glint in Emma’s eyes came alive, echoing the night before. “You good?” she whispered, eyes focusing on Regina with concern. In response, Regina gave her a reassuring smile, and nodded. “Do you need me to nurse first?”

Rubbing her thumbs over Emma’s soft cheeks, she answered just as quietly. “No, it can wait. Thank you for breakfast.”

“Go sit,” Emma said, turning to the counter just as the toaster shot out the sourdough. “I’ve got this.”

The bowl of grapefruit was placed in front of her, and Regina tucked in as Emma brought their buttered toast. They ate in silence until Emma finally spoke up.

“So, I’ve been thinking. Do you know any good family attorneys?”

Regina was about to take a bite of her grapefruit when she looked up. When their eyes met, she could see the anxiety that had been brewing on Emma’s face for a couple of days now. Finally, she nodded. “I have a couple of contacts.”

“I’m going to see if I can get any info on where Henry is going after Mercy Hell. Maybe he’s in line for a decent family. That’d be the best situation for him. And we can maybe work out him coming over for dinners so we can get to know him? I can’t do any of that until I talk with an attorney and we establish blood relation.”

Regina hesitated before answering. “And if he doesn’t end up with a family?”

Emma shrugged, not seeming as concerned with the idea as Regina did. “He could be set up for a halfway home, sure. That wouldn’t be the worst for him, either. I hated those places, but at least there, I was safe.”

Regina blanched at that last remark, but her head was whirling from her partner’s statements. So Emma was willing to get to know Henry. That was good, Regina thought. It meant she didn’t have any intentions of shutting him out. But she wasn’t willing to take him on. Pressing her lips together, Regina asked carefully, “and you’re sure that’s what you want to do?”

Emma looked at her for a moment before admitting, “I’m really not. But right now, it’s all I can handle.”

“Even if I’m here to help you?”

Emma sat back and sighed, looking at Regina intently. “You,” she said, “already do enough.”

“Emma, how many times do I have to tell you? I’m not doing anything I don’t want…”

“That’s not what I mean,” Emma raised a hand to gently cut her off, and gave Regina a pointed stare. “I’m not disregarding what you’re saying because I feel bad about how much you do for me. I’m telling you that you have a habit of putting too much on your plate without any consideration for yourself, and one of my jobs is to protect you from doing that. Just like you protect me. You burn yourself out, Regina, and I know you well enough to know you’ve done nothing but think emotionally about this, but not practically.”

Regina’s mouth dropped in slight offense, and she shook her head. “That isn’t true.”

But Emma just smiled. “Really? You thought about my PTSD and my regressions and how that just may hinder my ability to look after a kid? Think about it, Regina. I’m in no shape to take that on.”

Regina felt like she’d just been smacked upside the head with a dose of reality, and for a fleeting moment, she felt idiotic. It hadn’t even occurred to her to consider Emma’s mental health the way Emma was talking about it. She’d been so worried about Emma getting too overwhelmed since Henry’s appearance, that she hadn’t thought about anything else. And that was exactly the point Emma was trying to make.

Even so, she found herself arguing. “But you’re not alone,” she started, and her mind went to the ring hiding in her office desk again.

“I know I’m not. But that isn’t the point,” Emma said, knocking Regina out of her reverie. “Look, even a foster family isn’t forever. That’s why they call it ‘fostering’. We need to get to know him, we need to seriously consider where we’re at in our lives and what we’re capable of. And then, we can reassess. But,” and here she paused as she pressed her lips together firmly. “I’m needing you to be completely honest with me and tell me: are you on board with that, or do you disagree?”

Regina took a breath and thought about it. As much as she hated to admit it, Emma was right: she hadn’t thought this through. There were so many things to consider instead of just making the rash decision to “rescue” Henry from whatever situation he was in. Otherwise, him being with them might not be the best thing for him either. Her gut told her that wasn’t true, but she also knew in her gut that Emma was right, that they needed to take time to assess to see if that gut reaction was the right move.

“You’re right,” she answered. “This isn’t something we can just jump into. I just…”

“You just what?” Emma asked kindly. “I mean it, Regina. I need you to tell me exactly how you feel. This is big. If you’re not on board with me…I need to know.”

Regina couldn’t help it; her eyes began to sting, and she closed them tightly as she breathed out. “I am, Emma. Always. I know we need to take our time. It’s just…” The words came spilling out before she even knew it was happening, and she felt them colored painfully by the agonizing reason she had wanted to grab Henry that day in the office. “He’s the same age you were when…” she broke off. She couldn’t finish it. It was quiet for so long that she finally opened her eyes to see Emma just looking at her, and tears spilled down Regina’s face. “I don’t want anyone to hurt him,” she admitted.

Emma was up and out of her chair in a heartbeat, leaning down in front of Regina. She took Regina’s hands in one of hers, the other wiping away tears from Regina’s cheeks.

“I’m not going to let anyone hurt him,” Emma whispered.

***

Emma had several cases on her office desk to work through, including the Family Jewel Thief, who she’d found was a regular at a local underground gambling club. She and August had plans to stake it out the next day, and she was trying to sort through some of his paperwork when her phone buzzed.

“Miss Swan? It’s Mal Page.”

She felt her neck tingling with the frantic sound in the woman’s voice on the other end. “Miss Page? You sound strange. Is everything alright?”

“I…” she heard breathing on the other end, and Emma wondered if it was a good idea to tell Mal that her assertion that her daughter had a lot of friends at work wasn’t true. She had yet to touch bases with her until she had a few more solid things to go off, one being her hunch that Lily might have been part of The Scene.

It wasn’t completely impossible that Lily Page might have hung around The Scene and Emma not ever run into her. There were more than a few clubs in Boston for those types of goers, and plenty of people just did their own thing. Furthermore, while she and Regina spent a lot of time in The Playpen, they weren’t nearly as involved elsewhere as others might be.

Emma hadn’t really been in the right mindset to say anything to Regina the night before, but found herself feeling stupid as she sat there with her friends. She had thought maybe she could ask around about Lily Page casually, but the moment she’d gotten to The Dungeon, she realized what a terrible plan that had been. For starters, she had no business doing anything sneaky like that without talking to Regina. They had a deal: Emma was to keep herself safe, and that certainly included not putting herself out there for work while she was Little in The Dungeon. Number two, there had only been a few times they had gone to the clubs without Emma being in her Little Headspace, and on those occasions, Emma was much more talkative and able to mingle with most anyone. If she had just waltz up to their friends or other random people and started asking questions like she was an adult private investigator…well, as odd as it sounded, that would have gotten her a lot of strange looks.

So Emma hadn’t done much about the case since her hunch. She had a few things to sort out before she could, and things had been flipped upside down rapidly with the appearance of a kid at her doorstep showing off matching freckles to her own.

“…somebody left me a note,” Mal said.

That prickling sensation heightened. “A note? What kind of a note?”

There was silence on the other end for a moment, before Mal came back on sounding out of breath. “I’m sorry, Miss Swan. I know you’re probably busy, but…would it be too much to ask to come over?”

“Of course not,” Emma answered quickly. “That’s why we’re here. Give me half an hour?”

It started to snow again as Emma drove, and she hoped her bug would manage through the weather. It sputtered a couple of times at a few lights, and she wondered if maybe it was a good idea to finally give in and get a new car. She loved that bug, however. It had been her first and only car. August had found it for her for five hundred dollars, which at the time was about all she could afford. She could obviously now afford better, but she was so attached to it that she had completely disregarded all of Regina’s efforts to talk her into a better car. It was a classic, after all.

Mal Page was so beside herself, that she didn’t even notice Emma tracking in snow, let alone offer to take her coat. She strolled right over to the writing desk in the living room and pulled out an envelope.

“There’s no postage,” she said through shaky breath. “It was just in the mailbox this morning.”

She stuck the envelope out for Emma to take, but Emma eyed it carefully first. There was no writing on the envelope. Before reaching for it, she put her gloves back on.

“You need to give this to the police,” she said. “And give them your fingerprints so they can rule yours out.”

Mal scoffed at that as Emma took it. “But I told you, they don’t care.”

“They might if there’s new information,” Emma said, opening the envelope up and taking out a letter. It was typed up, which gave Emma a slight pang of disappointment. A combination of prints and handwriting sample would have been nice. She wondered if the person who wrote it must have thought of that too. There was no salutation on the paper.

_I know what happened to Lily. And I’m going to find her. Please don’t worry._

_-A friend_

“Well?” Mal knocked Emma back into the moment, but the look Emma gave her must have said more than she meant it to. “What? What is it?”

Sighing, Emma looked back down at the letter. “Last time I was here, you mentioned Lily didn’t really have any close friends except for at work. Are you sure you can’t think of anyone else?”

“I’ve been wracking my brain, trying to think of anyone,” she said. “But I told you, Lily was a loner. I didn’t mention this before, but she had a best friend growing up. They were very close, and Lily used to spend nights there when I was drinking back then. But that girl died before they finished high school. Leukemia. Since then, Lily’s just kept to herself.”

“I went to Lily’s work,” Emma said. “Spoke with everyone there. Nobody spent any time with Lily after their shifts.”

Mal Page stared at Emma for so long that the moment seemed frozen in place. “That…is impossible,” she said finally. “Lily told me…they went out all the time. I know because I was starting to get worried she was drinking too much. I didn’t want her turning out like me…”

“She may have gone drinking after her shifts,” Emma reasoned. “But it wasn’t with anyone from work.”

“Why would she lie to me?” Mal said, seeming to ask herself as her face screwed up with the information.

“I don’t know. I was hoping maybe you’d be able to tell me if you truly can’t think of anyone else who would be close enough to Lily to write this letter and leave it for you.”

“No,” she said. “No, I don’t. Honestly, Miss Swan. I have no idea who it could be. Or what they think happened, or how they plan to find her, or anything! Jesus…” Mal’s eyes smarted, and she folded her arms over her chest protectively and looked away, repeating, “Jesus…”

“Look,” Emma said softly, coming closer and putting a hand on Mal Page’s shoulder. “Try not to let this freak you out too bad. The note says they are going to find Lily, which tells me they think she’s at least alive and well. I’m not saying I’m putting all my cards on this note, but it’s better than having nothing. And it also means that there’s somebody out there willing to talk. You have no idea how powerful that is. Twenty-year cold cases get solved from somebody finally wanting to reach out. I’ve got some friends in law enforcement. I’m going to take this letter and get it looked at. Maybe we can get some prints off it. Okay?”

She needed coffee, she decided, as she headed back towards her own neighborhood. Boston Coffee Party was on the way to the police station, and she figured she’d say hello to her friends before finishing out her day over there. She had a few other things she could do in that neck of the woods for a couple of other cases.

Of course, the bug died just before she was able to park, and Emma groaned as she got out and saw she had merely fifteen feet before it was in the space she’d picked out. She started pushing it, but her feet slipped on the ice, and Emma landed on her face while she heard a loud crunch.

“Oh, fuck,” she seethed as she saw that her bug had planted itself right into a giant truck parked in front of it.

“Hi, Emma.”

The cheery voice did nothing to soothe her frustrations. In fact, it only made things worse. Emma looked up to see Henry standing there, that overgrown backpack hovering behind him, nose bright red from the cold, and scarf wrapped around covering his chin. Even so, his smile was ear to ear.

She cursed again as he had distracted her from the cars. She scrambled to her feet to push the bug back away from the truck. As she did, she could see the tiniest little scratch on the metal bar of the truck’s bumper, while her hood looked like it had been poked in by a giant finger. She could also feel her knee and elbow hadn’t fared well either.

“What’re you doing here?” she asked as she worked to get her car in the parking spot.

He pointed up towards her apartment building a few blocks away. “I was gunna come see you. Then I saw you out here. Need some help?” Henry called.

“No!” Emma hurried to say, stopping him before he got too close to the moving car. “Stay there, kid. I’ve got this.” As she finally got her car into park, a man came walking out with a hot to-go mug and stopped to stare at her. Heaving, she looked him up and down. “That your truck?” she asked, pointing to the monster that had just dented Emma’s hood up. The man nodded silently. “I just head butted it,” she explained. “We can exchange insurance.” She barely got the words out with how loud she was breathing.

The man walked forward and surveyed the damage to Emma’s car next to the tiny scratch on his giant shiny black truck, and he looked back at her with an expression that Emma really hated. Pity. “No, that’s okay,” he said, and got in his truck to drive away.

“You’re bleeding,” Henry announced as Emma watched the man drive away, pointing down at Emma’s leg. She looked down and saw that the reason her knee was screaming in pain was because she had scratched it up pretty good on the ice, ruining her jeans in the process.

Feeling even more aggravated, Emma turned on her heel to go inside. Henry jogged up behind her and took her hand, and Emma jumped as if a spider had just landed on her arm. But she stopped herself from pulling away completely, and instead stared down in awe at the little hand in hers. This was the second time in a week she’d held the hand of a child, which she was pretty sure she’d never done before that. It would have been scary if she weren’t so aggravated.

“What are you doing here, kid? You should be in school.”

Henry just smiled up at her. “Snow day.”

“Oh, come on,” Emma stopped, and this time did pull her hand away, looking down at him severely. “If your school had a snow day every time a few flakes hit the ground, you’d only be in school during the summer.”

Henry’s smile faded as he noted the look she was giving him, but he tried a different tactic with her. “Do you like hot chocolate? Mercy Hell has terrible hot chocolate, but the school’s is pretty good. Still, they don’t put cinnamon on it, and I really like cinnamon in mine on top of the whipped cream. Miss Ruby makes me that sometimes, but usually I like ice cream the most, and…”

His buzzing followed Emma into the coffee shop, where Margot greeted her with a distracted wave as she headed over to make someone’s order. Tilly was cleaning up mugs off of a few tables when she spotted Emma, and came prancing over. “Hey,” she said. “Afternoon pick me up?” she asked.

“God, yes,” Emma sighed out.

“Who’s this?” Tilly looked down at Henry, who had stopped his monologue to beam back.

“I’m Henry,” he said, sticking his hand out, but Tilly’s were full, so he giggled and bumped elbows with her.

“You’re bleeding, Em,” Tilly said, pointing in the same direction Henry had a minute ago.

“Yup,” she huffed, and before Tilly and Henry could strike up a conversation, Emma grabbed hold of Henry’s arm and took him to the counter. Tilly shot her a strange look, but Emma shook her head quickly with eyes that said _not now._

“Do I want to know?” Margot said as she approached, not looking at Emma at all, but gazing down at Henry with interest.

“Give me, like, ten shots of espresso and get him a hot chocolate,” she grunted, fishing in her pocket for her wallet.

Margot looked taken aback by Emma’s shortness, but she eyed her anyway. “I’ll give you three shots,” she said. “You have a heart attack on my watch, The Queen will never let me survive.”

“Hmph.”

“Hey, thanks,” Henry grinned up at Emma as she paid. “What’s espresso?”

“Legal crack cocaine,” she murmured as Margot put their cups in front of them.

“Emma,” Margot scolded in shock, looking from Henry to her, and that broke Emma out of her irritated mood when she looked down at Henry gaping at her.

“Sorry,” she swallowed as she handed Henry his cup and they walked away from the counter, Margot staring after them with a look Emma tried to ignore. “I’m not uh…used to being around kids.”

Henry seemed to have already forgotten it and sipped cheerily at his hot chocolate. He gave an appreciative hum and smiled, chocolate already sticking to the corners of his mouth. Emma found herself grinning, but snapped herself back into adult mode. “Okay, I’ve gotta get you back to school.”

“Aw!” Henry’s face fell immediately. “Why?”

With a vague recollection of Anna in a bad mood, Emma scoffed out a laugh and headed towards the door. “Because, kid, you can’t just ditch school all the time, and I can’t just drop everything and hang out with you right now. I’ve got work to do,” she explained as snow started falling on them. She picked up her pace and they walked briskly to the car.

“What kind of work?” he asked as Emma unlocked his door and he jumped in.

“Really boring grownup work,” she said as she got in and put her seatbelt on. “Trust me. I’ve gotta go to the police station, and…”

“The police station!” Henry nearly jumped up and down, and Emma realized her mistake when she saw his eyes brighten. “Awesome!”

“Oh no…you’re not…” she started to say, but as she did, she was trying to turn her car on. It stalled. “Dammit!”

Henry giggled. Her phone rang.

“Gah!” she threw her head back against her seat and grabbed it. “Hello!?”

“Erm…hey Em,” came Ruby’s voice through the receiver. “Whatcha doin’?”

“Doing!?” she screamed, looking sideways at Henry. “Sitting in my dead car in the middle of the snow with a nine-year-old delinquent. You?”

There was silence on the other end for a minute. “You need some help?”

Ruby’s voice was calm, but Emma was far too overwhelmed to hear the undertones. If anything, it just irritated her more. “No, I’m fine. I just…I can’t talk right now. What’s up?”

“It’s fine,” Ruby’s voice said. “You’re busy. We’ll talk later.”

Emma paused, and that tone finally clicked with her. Ruby sounded off. If Emma had been asked if she could feel any worse thirty seconds ago, she would have said that was impossible, but now she was kicking herself for thinking something so stupid. Ruby had told her a couple of days ago that she wanted to talk, and it had gotten completely derailed. Since then, she’d only seen Ruby at The Dungeon, and clearly that had been no place for them to talk.

“Shit, Ruby, I’m sorry. I’m just…things are a little crazy right now.”

“You said shit!” Henry whispered out a laugh, but Emma ignored him.

“No, I getcha,” Ruby said into the receiver. “We’ll catch up later, okay? You sure you don’t need me to come out and help?”

The irritation in Emma’s voice had morphed into defeat, and she shook her head even though Ruby couldn’t see it. “No, I’ve got this. Thanks Rubes. I’ll call you later, okay?”

“Say hi to my little man,” Ruby said, and Emma felt a stab in her chest so significant that she nearly doubled over in pain. Looking to her side, she saw Henry looking at her with bright, hopeful eyes and chocolate smeared on his face. Christ, he was already a part of her world.

“What’re we gunna do now?” Henry asked as Emma hung up the phone.

Emma finally laughed. “Oh-ho. You are gunna regret running into me today, kid. Bundle up. You’re my new assistant.”

Taking her tools out of the trunk, Emma plopped them on the icy ground and popped the hood. With as often as the bug died on her, Emma had become pretty good at tinkering around with it. August used to do it for her, but she’d assisted him so many times that he had become unnecessary.

To her surprise, Henry didn’t complain once. He handed her every tool she needed, his breath freezing in the air as he chatted away, asking her questions about what she was doing with what part of the engine. But eventually, he headed into dangerous territory.

“So, about our deal,” he said.

Emma sucked in a breath when she cut her finger on the engine. “Yeah,” she said as she wrung out her hand.

“Did you do it?”

Emma finally stood up to her full height and looked down at him. There was still just a bit of chocolate on his face as he smiled at her, and Emma noticed that while he held her phone’s flashlight up, that his hands were bone white. She went into the cabin of the car to grab a pair of gloves she had, and threw them at him. “Put those on,” she ordered.

“Well, did you?” Henry asked as he maneuvered the gloves on his hands. They were huge on him, even though Emma didn’t have large hands at all. God, he was so small.

“I did,” she nodded, grabbing her tool and going back under the hood. “Congratulations,” she said without fanfare. “You’ve got me for a sister. Not sure that’s much to celebrate though.”

Henry’s brows came down in confusion. “How come?”

“Well,” Emma said as she strained to tighten the bolt she’d loosened earlier. “I’ve never really had any family. Couldn’t say whether or not I’d be any good at being a family member.”

“Me neither,” the boy said quietly, prompting Emma to stop what she was doing and look over at him. He was still holding up her phone, but his eyes were on her, a sadness that was always in the background of them brought more to the front. That sadness, Emma knew it so well. All orphans had it. That abandonment, that hopefulness tainted with disappointment and loneliness. She had to look away.

“When you came over the other day, you said you wanted to stay with me.”

Henry’s brows raised, and he nodded, but she could see that he was trying very hard to not get his hopes up. How many times when she was a kid had she seen that light at the end of the tunnel, a hope for a home, and then a grownup snatched it away from her? Too many. And now those tables were turned, and she was the adult. She’d never thought she’d be in this position, and she wondered if she felt worse then than she did right now. She felt sick.

“It isn’t that easy, kid.”

Henry stared at her, all joviality gone.

“Look, I know what it’s like where you’re at. But I’m not perfect either, you know? No place you end up is going to be a fairy tale.”

It was probably the stupidest thing she could have said, and she was about to heave over the side of her bug and throw up all over the ice at the ridiculousness of the words. Perfection had never been a dream of hers when she was a child. She’d just wanted to belong. And who could you belong with if not your family?

Emma had made her own family, that was true. But it took a long time, took a lot of healing, to really feel like she belonged to them. This little boy, just like her, hadn’t belonged anywhere ever. And she wasn’t sure if she felt sick because she was sounding like everything she’d ever hated as a child, or if she was coming to realize that Henry’s very existence had already set him a place at that family table.

“What’s wrong with you?” Henry asked. “You can’t be worse than Duncan.”

Despite everything, she laughed. “I’m just a different kind of wrong. I’ve got some head stuff.”

Henry’s head cocked to the side in question. “What kinda head stuff?”

“The kind where I can’t be trusted to take care of myself all the time. I’m not sure how to explain it to you so you’ll understand. Sometimes, I wake up, and I’m not me. Well, I’m me, but a different kind of me. I don’t remember it afterwards. But sometimes, I’m a little kid again. A lot younger than you. And they don’t know why it happens. Sometimes, people have stuff that makes their heads play tricks on them. I didn’t have it easy growing up, you know. And, well…”

Henry just stared at her, confusion marking his face.

“Okay, you know how sometimes soldiers come back from war and they have all kinds of problems because of the stuff they saw overseas?”

Henry sucked his cheeks in between his teeth, so much like she did all of the time, and Emma felt her stomach drop. He nodded.

“Well, it’s sort of like that.”

“Oh, like the Pee Tee Tee,” he said. “We watched a youtube video about it in history class.”

“PTSD,” Emma corrected. “Yeah. Exactly. But, you know, it’s not just that,” Emma sighed, diving back under her hood and cranking another bolt. “Regina and I, we work a lot, you know? And…fuck,” she breathed out as she pinched her knuckle in between metal. “I don’t really know the first thing about kids.”

At that, she stood up again. “Watch your fingers,” she said as she closed the hood. It clanged shut, and she saw Henry turn off the flashlight of her phone. He handed it to her.

“I like Regina,” Henry said. The sadness in his voice nearly made Emma burst into tears.

“She’s a wonderful person,” she whispered. “And she likes you a lot too. Look,” she knelt down to his level. “Regardless, Regina and I want to get to know you. So can we make a compromise?”

“What’s a compromise?”

Emma smiled. “It’s like a deal. You stick with it, stay strong, go to school,” she said the last part severely, and he gave her a mischievous grin. “And I’ll see if it’s possible that you can come and visit with us. Like, doing it the right way. I’ll talk to Duncan, do all that boring grown up stuff. You stop sneaking around and popping up out of nowhere, and I’ll find a way for us to spend time together. Okay?”

Henry took a while to answer, in that time Emma realizing that his lips were turning blue. But he eventually nodded, and stuck his hand out. “Okay. Deal.”

As they shook, she said, “Okay, get in. Let’s see if we’ve got wheels.”

Before she had a chance to stand up, Henry’s face broke out in a smile, and he punched her in the arm, hard.

“Ow! What the heck was that for!?”

Henry kept smiling. “Slug Bug.”

***

Ruby must have found a sub, Zelena reasoned. She hadn’t come home at all. Which, you know, she couldn’t really blame her. Zelena had ducked out on her the other day, so now Ruby was doing it back.

Christ, they were in fucking middle school.

Ruby finding a sub and spending the night wasn’t completely out of character, but Zelena had been hoping she’d get a chance to at least gauge where Ruby was at. More than likely, however, Ruby was making a point to not come home until she knew Zelena was going to be in the office.

The prick, Zelena thought bitterly. But she swallowed those words quickly. She’d been the prick. Not the other way around. Right? For fuck’s sake…how is it that this relationship had become more complicated than any other in Zelena’s life, and it wasn’t even a proper bloody relationship?

She took her time getting ready for work, all the while brooding over the other night. Feeling Ruby over her, falling asleep in each other’s arms.

Sneaking out on Ruby when she was asleep like a damned snake and not going home at all that night.

Now Ruby was doing payback.

Fucking hell, she’d made a mess of this.

Not even bothering with her hair, she tied it up in a ponytail and grabbed her phone. She couldn’t stand it anymore. They couldn’t live like this. And regardless of anything else, this was Ruby’s home. She shouldn’t have to feel awkward about coming back to it on Zelena’s account. With a fleeting look in the mirror, she scoffed at her dead-looking lips and rummaged through the drawers for some lipstick.

Worst of all was that Zelena knew better. If a client had sat in her office and told her this story, she would have told them that they needed to sit down and have a serious adult conversation. Why it was so hard to take her own advice, who knew? Probably because Zelena had never been a very good adult, she thought bitterly as she hit Ruby’s contact button on her phone. She took a deep breath as it rang, but it went to voicemail.

“Bloody hell, you’re avoiding my calls now too?” she said into the receiver after Ruby’s greeting finished. But she sighed heavily into it. “Okay, I deserve that. I’m sorry I snuck out on you. I’ve uh, I’ve been thinking. And…alright, you have this on recording, so don’t use it against me, but you were right. You were right from the start. Okay? I just...” she sighed and shut her eyes tightly, trying to collect her mind, her words, to try and find the exact right thing to say that might make Ruby come back. Her other hand was still busy, trying to find her lipstick. As she did, a strange feeling snuck over her, but she made herself focus back on the message she was leaving. “I don’t know how to do this, but we’ve got to do something, yeah? Look, come home. We’ll talk. I mean it. We’ll talk. Properly this time, just…come home. I’m sorry.”

Before she kept rambling, Zelena pressed the end button, and threw her phone on the bathroom counter.

As she opened the lipstick, that weird feeling came over her again. She’d been distracted by talking into Ruby’s voicemail, but now looking down, she could see: Ruby’s stuff hadn’t moved since the day before. Her straightening iron was still sitting where it had been the day before, her toothbrush was there, her own lipstick that she put on every day before work…had she not come home at all while Zelena was at work?

Somehow, that made Zelena feel worse. Ruby didn’t even want to chance running into her.

“Fucking hell,” she grunted. Zelena truly didn’t know what she was going to do, but clearly what they had tried so far hadn’t worked out. It was time for a new tactic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're all caught up! 
> 
> I remember from the first time this was posted a few questions about Slug Bug. That's an American saying for when you pass an old VW Bug on the streets. If you see one driving by, you're supposed to punch the arm of the person closest to you and yell "SLUG BUG!" (The bruises my brothers gave me!) I've also heard Punch Bug before. 
> 
> ANYHOO...guess what? Brand new chapter on Sunday!


	9. The Missing

When Emma got home that evening, she was at first puzzled by Regina’s eyes bugging out of her head, until she nearly shouted. “Baby! Why are you bleeding? Are you alright?”

Emma nearly laughed as she looked down at her knee. The pain there and on her elbow had ebbed to a dull throbbing, and she had been so preoccupied with Henry and her trip to the police station that she hadn’t given it much thought. She should have known walking in bloody would have sent Regina into a tailspin. “I’m okay,” she chuckled. “Just a snafu with the bug.”

Regina, however, didn’t look amused. She was on her feet quickly, inspecting Emma’s knee. She swore under her breath and righted herself to undo Emma’s pants. She was fumbling with the button, trying to get them down Emma’s legs to get a better look at. “That damned car,” she murmured angrily. “Emma, it’s time we seriously talked about a replacement.”

“But I love that car!” Emma squeaked as her torn jeans raked over raw skin. Regina knelt once more to look it over but swore again. Emma looked down to see why: it was far too dirty with dried blood and mud to assess any damage.

“And I love you coming home to me in one piece,” Regina retorted. “Step out, please. Slowly,” she ordered, gingerly moving Emma’s jeans over the knee and getting her out of both boots and pants. When she was done, she took hold of Emma’s hand to lead them to their bathroom. “Sit,” she ordered, nodding to the bathroom counter.

Emma didn’t argue. She sat on the cold counter, clad in her underwear and flannel shirt, where she tried to hide the other tear that showed off a bloody elbow.

She should have known better. Regina’s hawk eyes spotted it as she searched the drawers for the first aid items. “Em…” her voice was soft this time as she sighed, righting herself again to take Emma’s elbow gingerly in her hand.

“It’s really okay,” Emma said as her partner inspected the damage. “I’ve had worse.”

She caught herself mid-sentence, and it was far too late at that point. It had been the wrong thing to say. Emma saw Regina visibly wince, and she swallowed her guilt. Regina was fully aware that Emma had had worse, and maybe she didn’t like being reminded of it. Though Regina tried to recover quickly, Emma had seen it.

Idiot. She was such an idiot. Regina had enough on her mind. Why bring bad things up like that?

As Regina went to work soaking hydrogen peroxide into cotton balls, she asked, “so what happened?”

“Died while I was trying to park it. I pushed it and it rolled too fast. Me with it.”

When Regina had collected enough cotton balls, she came back into Emma’s space, and sighed. “Emma, I’m serious about the replacement,” she said in the same low voice. But her eyes were soft.

“One more season?” Emma tried. “I just wanna get a few other things in order. It’ll get warm soon. It just doesn’t like the cold weather.”

“We live in Boston,” Regina retorted, eyebrow arching up. “It’s cold weather a lot here.”

“We’ll move to Florida!” Emma shot back without a beat.

That made Regina finally crack into a laugh, and she closed her eyes and shook her head. “You’re impossible.” Then, softer this time, she whispered, “this is going to sting.” She took the bottle to pour on Emma’s knee.

Emma had gotten used to the dull throbbing, but the liquid burned her skin, and she sucked in a breath in between her teeth as Regina quickly dabbed at the rawness there. “I know, baby. It’s okay. Try to breathe.”

Regina was talking to her as if she were Little, which Emma didn’t really feel at that moment. She simply hadn’t had a chance to wind down from her day. She’d had too much coffee. Had too much on her mind. And she felt too protective of Regina’s worry right then. Looking at Regina now, tending to her, Emma felt a surge of affection run through her, and she smiled despite the pain.

Regina was too busy fussing over Emma’s knee to notice. She dried it and rubbed some ointment on before putting a large band aid over the scrape. But when she stood upright to start on Emma’s elbow, she caught the smile. She gave a chuckle as she unbuttoned Emma’s flannel shirt. “What?”

Emma shrugged. “I just sorta like you. That’s all.” She saw something in Regina’s eyes then that seemed different. Like she was thinking hard, trying to make a decision. “What?” Emma asked, giving Regina a lopsided grin.

Regina took a moment to recover, seeming to blink herself back into the moment. “Nothing,” she finally said. “You sure you don’t just sorta like giving me heart attacks?”

Her smile spread wider. “I like doing that too.”

Regina paused her ministrations to lean in and give Emma a kiss. She lingered there, letting the two of them really taste each other, before she pulled away, whispering, “I love you too.”

Regina made Emma her favorite: sourdough grilled cheese with tomato soup for the girl with the scraped elbow and knee. Emma ate it with gusto, but unlike most times that Regina made her comfort food, it wasn’t doing much to change her headspace. She wasn’t sure why. Looking sideways at Regina now, Emma wondered if the lack of transition was disappointing her, but she seemed quite happy just sitting next to Emma and enjoying their meal together.

“I need some wine. You want a beer, babe?” Regina asked as she got up. That told Emma that Regina understood her Littlespace wasn’t happening tonight. Emma smiled fondly as she watched Regina disappear behind the kitchen door. Regina knew her so well.

“Yeah, sure.”

She heard bottles clinking as Regina called to her. “You kept your appointment with Archie tomorrow, right?”

Swallowing another bite of her sandwich, Emma nodded. “Yeah. I’m going in a little early.”

Regina came back into the dining room and placed a cold bottle of beer in front of Emma, who thanked her under her breath. “I’ve got a bag of clothes for you to give to Zelena while you’re there. Just drop it off by her door if she isn’t available. Okay?”

Emma nodded absentmindedly as she took a swig of her beer.

“He’s going to ask you about your meditation,” Regina said.

Putting the beer down, Emma made eye contact with Regina, and without saying a word, took a deeper intake of breath.

Regina just smiled kindly in return. “I know it’s been harder lately. To stick to a routine. But those are usually…”

“…the most important times,” Emma finished the sentence with her, and Regina fell silent. “Yeah. I know,” she nodded, giving Regina a little smile back. “I’ve been journaling, though. And you and I have been doing breathing exercises.”

But Regina just sighed. “I know. I just don’t want you to overdo it and forget to take care of yourself.”

Emma grumbled as she picked up the last of her sandwich and dipped it in the soup. “Can we argue about the car again instead?”

Regina gave a snort of laughter and sipped her wine. “My stubborn girl,” she murmured in the glass.

Smirking, Emma leaned back in her chair. “I’ll be sure to be honest with Archie. Don’t worry. And,” she said with a grin, biting her bottom lip, “I’ll also get up early and do some meditation. But tonight, I was kinda hoping…” she trailed off there, and saw Regina lift an eyebrow and wait.

“You were kinda hoping what?”

Emma bit her lip harder, smiling behind it, and got up from her seat. She inched into Regina and threw her leg over Regina’s lap. Regina scooted back, hands off the table to give Emma the space she needed, and looked up into Emma’s eyes.

“I was kinda hoping you and I can just have a not-so-quiet evening,” she whispered, hands on Regina’s chest, a thumb trailing down her neck.

Emma felt hands on her butt press, squeeze, and Regina’s eyes shifted as they gazed at one another.

“Is that so?” she smirked, looking up and down Emma’s body slowly.

Emma nodded. “I think I’d just like to take my mind off of things for the night?” she said lightly, continuing her caresses of Regina’s neck with her thumb, touching Regina’s chin with her fingers. “Or rather, I’d like _you_ to take my mind off of things for the night.”

A squeeze to her butt had Emma slowly rolling her hips against the lap she was on. That mischievous grin Emma loved so much came over her lover’s face. “What do you propose?” Regina asked in a guttural voice. Ah, she was going to make Emma work for it. Good.

The tickle of Regina’s whisper right up against her ear sent a chill down Emma’s spine, and she couldn’t help but bring her head down and follow it, a little hum answering. “Make love to me,” she moaned, nuzzling in the crook of Regina’s neck where she smelled the familiar scent of cinnamon apples, and just underneath it, lust.

The growl that Regina released quickened Emma’s heartrate, and she felt those hands take a firmer grasp to stand them up. She helped, getting them to their feet, and by the time they did, both were panting. Emma grabbed hold of Regina’s lips, hard, and Regina growled again. She leaned into it almost aggressively, taking over the kiss that Emma had tried to dominate. Emma tried to push back, but felt one of Regina’s hands squeeze the meat of her butt just enough to cause pain, and she stepped closer into Emma’s space to stand over her. Emma gave one little whimper of defeat before they pulled apart, panting.

Regina gave a sultry chuckle that made Emma’s tummy flipflop. “One of those nights, then, hm?” she teased, nipping Emma’s bottom lip before leaning in and murmuring in the shell of Emma’s ear. “You won’t win, Little One.”

Emma trembled so violently that she felt Regina steady her. On occasion, she got in this mood, where it was fun to try and win this little game of theirs. She’d never given it enough effort to pull it off, mainly because she wasn’t convinced herself it was exactly what she wanted. Furthermore, if that was something she wanted to accomplish, it wouldn’t happen without a real conversation between the two of them. What she did know she wanted, however, was to push Regina into forcing domination.

Despite her shaking in anticipation, she managed to say: “Maybe I just haven’t tried hard enough.”

That did exactly what she expected it would. Regina leaned back to make eye contact, and the look she was giving Emma was nothing short of dangerous and delicious. That teeth-baring grin she sometimes got when she was up for a challenge painted her face, mouth partially open and eyes laser pointed at her prey. Emma felt those hands clench roughly against her jeans and she was hoisted up, made to perch on Regina’s hip.

Regina grunted as she walked them down the hall, never breaking eye contact, temples already beginning to dampen with the effort. Emma turned her own fingers into claws against Regina’s shoulder blades, scraping, barely being able to wait until her blouse was off. But before she could verbalize this want, she was dropped unceremoniously on their mattress.

Almost as soon as her butt hit the bed, she tried to get up, but Regina was looming over her, and saw this maneuver coming. She reached out to shove Emma back down, but Emma grabbed hold of a wrist and pulled Regina down with her.

She heard Regina stifle a surprised yelp, but contain herself. For the smallest of moments, she did nothing in retaliation as Emma moved quickly to try and unbutton the plum blouse keeping her from Regina’s soft skin.

But before she undid a single button, Regina’s smile widened, and she grabbed hold of those hands. Emma was flipped over quickly, and she herself couldn’t keep the yelp from escaping her lips. A hard smack hit one cheek of her ass, and her yelp turned a howl as she pressed her face into the mattress to stifle it. The hand didn’t leave when it made impact, however. Instead, it grabbed at Emma’s sex aggressively, causing lovely friction. Emma moved against the offending fingers to feel more of it, but Regina pulled away, putting her body weight over Emma.

“You,” a low, dominant voice husked just behind her ear, “Can try as hard as you want.” At the same time these words were spoken, Emma felt her wrists being pinned to the mattress, and she had to turn her face so that she wasn’t smothered in the comforter. She wriggled, making a small complaining noise as she tried to break free, when she felt a bite on her shoulder blade.

The noise that came out of her mouth would have embarrassed her with any other lover. But with Regina, Emma knew it would almost be a mark of pride that she could still pleasantly surprise her sub. Emma tried to recover a bit of her dignity anyway by countering with: “that sounds like a challenge.”

The snicker that came out of Regina was dangerous. “Or,” she said, letting go of Emma’s wrists to rub up and down her shoulders. She began straddling Emma from behind as she hummed, “You can be a really good girl, and see what rewards it brings you.” After a pause, and one last massage, Regina leaned forward again to whisper in Emma’s ear. “Your choice.”

And then she was gone. Emma looked behind her to see Regina saunter away towards the closet, and she spent the next split second deciding if she was going to push her luck, or see what Regina had in store for her if she behaved.

Hmm…decisions, decisions.

She sat up, staring at the door of their walk-in closet. Regina had shut it behind her and left Emma to her own devices. She decided to put herself in between defiant and submissive: she took her clothes off. Sitting herself back on the bed after quickly striping, Emma weighed her options. Regina wouldn’t like it if she found Emma already trying to pleasure herself, but it wouldn’t be the worst infraction either.

Laying back on her tummy against the comforter, Emma began to run her fingers along her slit. Unsurprisingly, she found herself soaking. Since watching Regina sipping her wine at the table, Emma had been full of thoughts of this. With all she had going on, nothing sounded better than losing herself in her partner. In the past couple of days, she had managed to do that with her headspace, but today, that just wasn’t going to cut it. She needed Regina in a different way, needed the distraction to pivot.

Emma heard the door to the closet open, but she made herself not give in and look behind her, focusing on her fingers and slicking them through her folds. She could feel that she was swollen, but she didn’t touch her clit. She wanted to wait until…

“Wrong choice,” the voice she had been waiting for breathed into the shell of her ear, and Emma felt her wrists taken once again. She stilled her fingers and allowed her hand to be taken away from her opening, brought out from under her body, and placed flat against the comforter. “You know better…” Regina husked.

Emma didn’t respond with words. Instead, she tried to twist herself around despite Regina sitting on her butt. She didn’t manage it. Regina pivoted and leaned forward, and right as Emma was about to push, she felt a familiar touch just at her opening.

She froze, gasping in air as she realized that the Feeldo, a favorite of their toys, was pressed up against her entrance. This time, she did look back. Regina had that teeth-baring grin spread across her face, and she was clad in her purple laced garter that Emma had bought for her. To top off the ensemble, Regina had black fishnet stockings on. The Feeldo was already pressed deep inside Regina’s own pussy, which Emma could see was also wet with anticipation.

Stomach still against the bed, Emma spread her legs, bending her knees until she was sprawled completely to greet the toy, but knew that Regina wasn’t going to make it that easy for her. A light nip on her cheek bone, and Regina chuckled before Emma felt a hand on her bottom. “Patience, my Little One,” she crooned. And then two strong hands on her hips pulled her up, and she felt Regina’s legs open wide to straddle her. A little gasp escaped her as she felt the tip of the toy touch lightly on her inner thigh. She couldn’t help but begin to shake in anticipation as Regina’s breasts nudged up against her shoulder blades. The warm familiar body now laying on top of her without putting any real pressure made Emma’s breath quicken, and it came out in shaky successions.

“Emma.”

“Regina…please.”

The feeldo was replaced by the touch of two slender fingers, and Emma released more wetness from deep inside her as she felt the digits gather wetness and spread it all over Emma’s clit, all around her opening. The touches were light, however, and Emma felt a fire start in her belly and bleed into every part of her. She was being teased.

Emma clutched at the comforter underneath her with frustrated hands as she stuck her ass into the air, giving Regina as much of an invite as possible. But she knew that wouldn’t matter; when Regina was ready to enter her, she’d take what she wanted.

“Fill me…” she whispered, knowing the request would go unanswered, at least for now. Regina was having fun watching Emma spread out for her.

It was rare that they didn’t Play. It made the times that it was just the two of them making love that much more beautiful. But tonight, there was going to be plenty of Play before she would be writhing in pleasure in Regina’s arms.

Regina took Emma’s suggestion halfway serious, and began rocking the Feeldo in between Emma’s slick legs. The other end of it was rubbing against the walls of Regina’s core, so Emma knew that this felt much different for her partner. She touched maddeningly lightly against the hood of Emma’s clit, though it probably didn’t feel light to her.

“You broke the rules, but I’m going to take it easy on you tonight,” Regina said, almost conversationally, which drove Emma wild. “Because I want to play a game.”

“Can I touch myself?” Emma breathed out, feeling the maddening pressure building, wanting some sort of friction that Regina wasn’t giving to her.

“No,” Regina said simply, smoothing a hand over the back of Emma’s thighs. She let out a tiny whimper that had Emma looking behind her, and her mouth went dry. Regina had just squeezed one of her own breasts. One little droplet of milk dripped out.

It sent Emma over the edge. She did one quick pushup, forcing Regina to slide to one side, and twisted around, grabbing those hips that were clad in that goddamned sexy purple garter and forcing them onto her own lap. The Feeldo stood at attention, poking at Emma’s tummy as she raked up Regina’s ribs with one hand before grabbing at that breast, locking her lips around the dark nipple. Her other hand grabbed hold of the toy and stroked it.

“Ah, fuck!” Regina cried, throwing her head back at the surprise attack. But she gained composure quickly, pulling Emma’s mouth away from nursing, covering the hand jerking her off. She got to her feet quickly, grabbing hold of Emma’s arm and pushing her into the bed.

Emma had not seen all that Regina had come back from the closet with. If she had, she might have made better choices. Then again, maybe not…

Regina grabbed hold of the wooden paddle she’d placed on the edge of the mattress, and wacked it against Emma’s bare butt.

The sting, for a fraction of a second, was unbearable, before it sparked divine lust in her gut. Emma curled in on herself and let out a combination of a squeal and a moan. It didn’t earn her any sympathy. Another crack against her butt, and Emma cried out again as she was flipped on her back, her legs made to spread as if Mama was changing her, and a bare hand came down against her sex. The wet slapping noise could barely be heard over the sound she made. Her hips came off the mattress, and she moaned loudly. “Oh…more…”

“I’ll say when you can have more,” Regina said over her, voice smooth as cream.

And then Emma felt herself being lifted into Regina’s lap. She felt the Feeldo just barely press against her bottom cheek as she was cradled, and she curled into the soft, inviting skin.

“You still want to try and win?” came the soothing voice, and Emma felt a sweet hand rub at her bottom, her vagina, massaging tenderly. Her ass was on fire, but she ignored it. “Or do you want to behave, and play my game?”

“Game…please?” Emma whimpered at the pain and pleasure and frustration and everything else in between, nuzzling into the crook of Regina’s neck.

“There’s my good girl!” Regina praised, petting up and down Emma’s opening with more purpose now. She looked down at what her hand was doing as she instructed. “Now, I want you to get on the bed, and get back on your tummy, put your hands flat on the mattress, and wait for me. If you don’t to exactly as I tell you, I’ll put your harness on, I won’t let you come, and you’ll get ten paddles. Understood?” The way she said it was as if she was trying to coax Emma to take one last bite of her vegetables: light and sweet and coaxing.

It turned Emma to putty. She felt her insides melt, felt more wetness pool out of her and right into Regina’s hand, who took notice and cocked an eyebrow, grinning at Emma. “But…” she said as she scooped it in between two fingers. “You do as I say, and I’ll take care of this for you, babygirl.”

That sounded really good to Emma. Being skin on skin with Regina like this, it was hard to make herself get off of that loving lap and crawl onto the mattress, but she managed to do it with the promise that Regina would be right back. She got on her tummy and spread her legs like before.

“Good job, Emma,” came the response, and Emma felt the Feeldo at her entrance.

Regina pushed the tip in.

“Oh!” Emma’s head tilted back as the involuntary cry left her. Her cheek was meet with Regina’s, who let out a loud breath of satisfaction.

“That’s it. Take it for me,” Regina encouraged as she pulled out, and then quickly pushed back in. Emma felt more of the toy penetrate, fill more of her, and she clenched her walls around it.

That voice alone was enough to make Emma let out another gush of wet pleasure, coating the Feeldo enough to allow for more of it to slip further in. She was rewarded with Regina pulling out and ramming forward, filling Emma up so completely that for a moment, they stay frozen in place. Regina paused to let Emma get used to being stretched. The base of the Feeldo rubbed against the spongy wall that made Emma shutter with overwhelming pleasure. She let it be known with another cry, turning her head so that now her forehead was against Regina’s cheek.

Regina turned to meet her, and their lips touched. Emma’s walls clenched around Regina again, and she rolled her hips ever so slightly in a show that she was good to go. She saw the corner of Regina’s mouth turn up in the tiniest of smiles at the gesture, and their eyes met. “That’s a good listener,” Regina praised, making a tiny moan escape Emma’s lips. Long gone were the days of being embarrassed to show how much she liked being called a good girl. They had many rules in their Play, one being to never hold back how much you liked something.

“Mama,” Emma whimpered the name for the first time that night. Regina had such a way of tearing down those walls. As Regina’s hips moved, another shutter went through her, and she rolled her hips again to prepare for the push back in once Regina was all the way out. She wasn’t disappointed. Regina took an inch, and then gave it right back, rocking them steadily as she did it again. And again. It rubbed against her core like pure bliss, fractioning all of Emma’s thoughts except for the ones of where she was right then and right there.

Their faces finally pulled apart as Regina took the cock almost all the way out, and began pumping into Emma at a steady pace. Regina’s hands moved from Emma’s hips up to her back, rubbing supportively as she fucked Emma from behind. It felt so perfect, Emma was panting next to the same unsteady breath of her lover.

“Can I…” Emma’s breath hitched as an especially good spot was hit inside her. “Can I touch myself?”

The question made Regina’s hands trail up her arms and finally intertwine their fingers. As she did, she gripped Emma’s and pulled them up over Emma’s head, answering the question with that simple gesture.

“No baby,” was the verdict, so sweet and gentle that Emma couldn’t bring herself to start a tantrum. “I want to play our game,” she said instead as she dragged out pulling out and then back in. Before pulling back out, she rolled her hips firmly against Emma’s ass, and the cock inside hit in places that Emma hadn’t felt yet. It caused her to jerk her head and whimper.

“There,” she pleaded, ignoring Regina’s proposition for the moment to try and encourage the feeling her partner had just hit.

Instead of pulling back out, Regina paused, and Emma felt the cock hit that place again as hips were rolled back into her. It caused her to clench down tightly on the toy, trying desperately to keep it inside as she felt her entire body ignite at the feeling. “Right there, Little One?”

“Oh god…yeah,” Emma cried. And Regina did it again. “Oh, fuck…” Emma began panting.

She felt Regina press down further against her and bury her nose in the nape of Emma’s neck. A pleasant little moan left her, and Emma knew that for the smallest of moments, Regina dropped the Play and just enjoyed how good she was making Emma feel.

But it only lasted a moment before a familiar voice whispered in her ear. “Good to know.”

The Queen. And then Regina let go of Emma’s hands, put her own on Emma’s hips and pulled her up onto her hands and knees. She pulled out all the way, and with a grunt slammed back in.

Emma’s mouth dropped open in silent surprise and pleasure. Even though she had been raised to her hands and knees, she let her elbows fall back onto the mattress so that she could hold herself up on her shaking arms. The scrapes that wore Band-Aids were forgotten. She couldn’t feel anything but the walls of her pussy. She pressed her forehead into the mattress and took advantage of the new position to push back on Regina’s thrusts. She was being taken from behind and hard now, one of Regina’s hands holding firm to the flesh of her ass cheek. Without thinking, she brought one of her hands to her own sex and rolled her fingers over her clit.

For an instant, she felt the ache that had been building release as she touched herself, but Regina acted swiftly. A hand was brought down on her ass so hard that Emma had no choice but to pull away and hold herself back up with both arms.

“You know better than that,” a dangerously low voice warned.

“Please,” Emma kept her own tone meek. She loved trying to appeal to Regina’s soft side when she went into Queen mode. It was always fun to see if she could win out. Sometimes she did. More often, she didn’t. “Please. I need it.”

Regina paused mid-thrust, making Emma cry out louder than when she had been spanked. “You need to listen,” Regina said as she steadied Emma’s hips. “Or you’ll watch me make myself come and go to bed with nothing. Is that what you want?”

Emma shook her head wildly, a pitiful sob escaping her. It caused Regina to lean down and rub where she had spanked Emma with a soothing hand. “I don’t want that either,” she whispered into Emma’s ear. “I want to fuck you just like this.” As she said it, she pulled out ever so slightly. “I want to feel your sweet cunt wrap around me.” To make her point, she thrust the toy back in, and Emma clenched down around it, willing it to stay. “I want to watch you come,” she pulled out again and quickly pumped back in. “Hold you while you shake,” picking their rhythm back up now. “See how helpless I can make you.” Harder, just a bit faster. “My helpless little girl…” Regina pulled Emma up enough to wrap an arm around her tummy, and the two of them rocked together as the room filled up with the sounds of their breathing getting louder and louder, being colored with their shared moans.

“Do you want to play my game?” Regina breathed out, barely able to get the words through her pleasure.

Emma didn’t hesitate. “Yes!”

A kiss on her shoulder. “Then tell me…you think you can top me. What would you do?”

Emma paused as the question sunk in. Surprise mixed with bliss as the very notion of topping Regina hit her. For a year now, Emma had been toying with the idea of topping Regina. She wasn’t one hundred percent sure if she truly wanted to follow through with it, but the fantasy was gorgeous. Regina, for her part, had never once allowed it, though she had teased Emma by letting her think she had the upper hand numerous times before swiping it away swiftly.

“Do?” she finally asked.

“Yes, Emma. I want you to tell me. Tell me what you’d do to me if I let you.”

Oh, shit. The idea of topping Regina was truly delicious, but to have to come up with actions while she herself was on the brink of orgasm? That was easier said than done.

But Regina knew how to get what she wanted out of Emma. She always knew. She slowed her rhythm just so, pulling Emma closer against her. Her lips nudged the shell of Emma’s ear as her voice turned feathery. “Tell me.”

Emma bit down on the inside of her cheek to gain enough concentration to complete full sentences. Squeezing her eyes tight, she willed herself to not be overtaken by the cock deep inside her. “I’d…I’d kiss you. Hard. I wouldn’t let you kiss me back.”

She nearly cried out in shock as her jaw was grabbed roughly, and Regina turned her neck so that she could claim Emma’s mouth with her own. She barely had time to react, her lips frozen as Regina claimed her hungrily, biting down on her lower lip. Emma tried to recover, tried to respond, but the moment she was about to, Regina pulled away. Once Emma’s lips were released, she gasped out a soft moan. Regina matched it and picked the pace back up from behind. As she did, she claimed Emma’s mouth once more, and this time Emma was prepared for it. She moved her lips to meet her partner’s, but Regina put so much force back into it that she felt her own motions short circuit.

That’s when she realized what was happening. A spark of energy buzzed in her brain as Regina lips released her own, and a grin spread across her face. It elicited a new vision, and she voiced it. “I’d rake my nails down your back. I’d bite down on your shoulder as I did it, claiming you. I’d tell you how you were mine.”

A groan left Regina’s lips as they wrapped around the jut of Emma’s shoulder blade. Emma felt her tongue lap at her sweaty skin before teeth pressed down against the flesh, leaving a slight indentation. As Regina did it, Emma felt nails rake down and meet at the small of her back, pressing there and then coming down further to grab at both cheeks of her ass. “You _are_ mine, Emma,” she countered. “This body belongs to me.”

Emma’s head snapped back, and she cried towards the ceiling. Jesus Christ, this was the most perfect torture. There wasn’t a single cell in her body that wasn’t on fire. She felt every nerve alive as her words formed into reality. She gulped air to try and steady her breath to allow the next words out of her mouth. “I’d put you on your back. I’d pin you to the mattress. I’d keep you there underneath me. I wouldn’t let you get up.”

Regina pulled out, and Emma felt the rhythm interrupted as she didn’t thrust back in. Instead, her hands were on Emma’s hips and she used her strength to twist Emma’s body around. Emma turned and her newly-scratched back fell against the mattress with a satisfying thud. Without missing a beat, Regina grabbed her hands and pinned them above her head. As she did, she dove down and claimed Emma’s lips again. Emma nearly grabbed at Regina’s lips with her teeth, but Regina knew how to win, and she pushed harder, making sure Emma’s head sunk against the pillows. She moaned against Emma’s mouth until Emma relented power, and then let go. Both caught their breath, and Emma realized that instead of being turned around all the way, her hips were pivoted so that one leg was resting on the mattress, and the other was thrown over Regina’s hip. Regina was in between Emma’s legs, and it gave her perfect access to Emma’s bare ass.

Emma waited for the feeling of the toy back at her entrance, but it didn’t come. She looked up to see a panting Regina, waiting for her to speak. Emma bit back her grin and then whispered. “I’d fuck you. Hard. I wouldn’t hold back. I wouldn’t be gentle.”

Regina’s hooded eyes darkened, and Emma saw the smallest of smirks dance along her face. She took away one of her hands, trusting Emma not to move, and brought it down to help guide the Feeldo back to Emma’s entrance. But before she pushed it back in, she put that hand on Emma’s cheek and leaned in.

“Careful now,” she whispered against Emma’s cheek. That voice! Emma loved that voice. “Are you sure you want to fuck me so hard?”

Emma stopped breathing, and for a moment their eyes met. There Emma saw one thing: Regina. For the briefest amount of time, despite the words she said and the way she’d said them, The Queen had left the room, and she was checking. Her Regina was checking on her.

Seeing that face, Emma was flooded with an overwhelming feeling of love. It didn’t matter how many times it happened, she was always overcome with how much trust she had in Regina. She never thought she’d ever have this much trust in another person. Or that that trust would be so well cherished and protected. It wrapped around her like a security blanket.

She tilted her head up, bringing her lips just near Regina’s so that they barely brushed together, and whispered: “Green.”

The next thing she knew, an arm was around the small of her back, a hand was cradling her head, and Regina had buried the cock so deeply inside of Emma that her hips rocketed off the mattress. As her leg wrapped around Regina’s waist, she let out a sob of sweet relief at finally being filled back up again, and her arms went flying around Regina’s neck. She buried her face in Regina’s shoulder and cried out at the sudden rush of sensations. Regina was thrusting into her with short, fast succession, slamming their mounts together as the hilt of the feeldo hit both of their clits.

“Oh, jesus…” Emma cried, her hands coming alive to hold Regina’s face and bring their lips closer together.

“Emma…” was the shaky response. Just her name. Worshipped, chanted, checking.

“Fuck yes…” she breathed out, reassuring. She barely finished the words, as her voice broke off. She was being stretched so wide and filled so fast that she couldn’t feel anything but her cunt. It was like every last nerve in her body traveled to that one place that was the source of all her pleasure, and at the other end of it was Regina, wrapping Emma up like she promised she would.

“Would you make me helpless?” Regina asked in her ear, the voice she used like a topping to the pleasure Emma already felt.

“Y…yes!”

“Would you hold me while I shake?” As it was said, Emma tightened her hold on Regina’s neck. It was responded to instantly, the arm around the small of Emma’s back enveloping her, the hand behind her head cradling her until Emma was resting her head on Regina’s shoulder. She buried her face there, giving in to the feeling. The orgasm that was building inside her was growing quickly, running from deep in her belly to the very core of her sex. All she could do was hold on and brace herself for when it hit.

“Yes,” Emma tried to say, but she wasn’t sure it had passed through her lips. She tasted Regina’s salty skin, and like a reflex, bit down on it. But she was being pounded into so fast that she let go just as quickly. “Oh god…I’m…”

She didn’t realize until Regina answered that she had been chanting her name in quick, hot breaths. Regina’s voice matched with her own release gaining on her. “Yes, baby. I’m here…I’ll hold you all night long…my Emma…you’re so beautiful…oh!”

For a split second, Emma felt Regina freeze until she remembered herself and continued to thrust so that Emma could join her. If it were possible, Emma held tighter to her, turning her face in closer so she could watch Regina’s face as she came. Her mouth was open in a silent scream as she peaked, the whole world but Emma forgotten as it finally hit her. She shuttered so violently that she lunged forward even harder than before, hitting Emma perfectly in that place that was sure to send her over the edge. As Emma watched Regina’s orgasm reach its breaking point, her own finally caught up with her. Suddenly, every muscle in her body tensed. She felt nothing but that and Regina, hot and wet as she clasped tightly around her partner. And then she felt her peak rush out of her so intensely that her body curled in on itself, bringing Regina with her. She heard before she felt the warm liquid flowing out of her.

Far from it ruining the moment, she felt Regina give a sudden jerk and then she cried again in a separate release right on top of her first. “Oh…good girl!”

As she felt Regina’s hand come in between their bodies to feel the aftermaths of Emma’s release, she tucked in closer and trembled.

Regina’s hips bucked forward again and again, hitting that spot deep inside Emma that she could feel was encouraging more of her come to squirt out in between their bodies. “Fuck, that’s it. Baby, I’m so proud of you.”

Fuck…Emma didn’t think this moment could feel better, but those words sent a rush on top of her orgasm that made her shake uncontrollably. Regina responded by pushing their mounts together gently, the feeldo deep inside them. She didn’t pull in or out, just rolled their hips together in a fluid motion so that the toy pivoted enough to continue its incredible torture. Emma was so overwhelmed, she had no idea if she was still squirting. She just held on, letting Regina guide her, trusting that she’d know when it was time to let them rest.

And just as that thought came, Regina brought them to a stop. Their foreheads were still pressed together, they were gasping in each other’s mouths. Regina was holding Emma’s cheek now with a gentle hand, a tender thumb caressing her bottom lip.

Emma suddenly felt exhausted, and her arms went slack around Regina’s neck. Her leg fell from her lover’s hips to the mattress, and she let out one long sigh as she turned to mush.

She heard Regina giggle. “I broke you,” she murmured, touching her lips lightly to the bridge of Emma’s nose.

“Mm,” was all Emma could bring herself to say. What she really wanted to say was that to the contrary, she was pretty sure Regina had just brought her to nirvana. She was lax with her body pleasantly buzzing.

Moments passed in silence as they caught their breath. Little circles were being rubbed into Emma’s back, encouraging her exhaustion.

“You sleepy, baby?”

A little smile tugged at Emma’s mouth. “Mmhm,” she answered.

She felt a kiss on the tip of her nose this time, and then Regina whispered so softly: “I’m gunna pull out. Okay?”

Emma let in a little gasp of air, and nodded. “Yeah.”

Before she did it, Regina brought her hand down and gathered a bit of the wetness there, trying to lube Emma up again so that the pullout wouldn’t be unpleasant. She was so delicate, but Emma was still very sensitive, and she gave a little whimper as the fingers barely grazed her opening.

“Sshh…it’s okay. Sshh…”

She shuttered when Regina finally pulled out, and then felt herself gathered into a tight embrace. Regina rolled them on their sides, and their bodies intertwined as one. One of Regina’s legs was in between Emma’s and as she straddled it gently she felt herself cradled back against Regina’s chest. She felt Regina reach behind her and the next thing Emma knew, Pankie was being place in between their bodies, pressed into her hands.

An involuntary smile turned Emma’s lips up, and she snuggled it up against her nose and nudged Regina’s chin. “Mama…” she cooed, curling in on herself again.

“You okay, my baby?” Regina murmured, a light hand trailing up and down Emma’s side, rubbing slow circles on her bottom and back up to her shoulder blade.

“Mmhm,” Emma hummed.

She felt a kiss placed on her forehead. “A few more minutes. Then Mama will clean you up so we can go to bed, okay?”

“Okay.”

The kiss returned. “That’s my good girl.”

***

The next couple of days were a whirlwind of appointments and paperwork.

Emma went back and forth with the police about the letter, only to have them say exactly what she knew they would: there was no evidence that Lilith Page had disappeared because of foul play, and though the letter was curious, it also didn’t give the impression anything was wrong. She still could have simply walked away from her life.

It took a lot of bargaining and name dropping to get them to at least put it in her file, that Emma was sure was already snuggly tucked in the middle of their stash of closed case files. In the meantime, she paid her own contacts in the lab to get it fingerprinted, though she suspected there wasn’t much to find.

She contacted Lily’s director of the biology department at the college, and after a short conversation, found that Lily was in good standing at school. In fact, she was scheduled to graduate a semester early if she kept it up, her grades were perfect, and she was starting a field study internship in the summer that she was looking forward to. The dean was shocked and concerned to hear that Lily hadn’t been seen in a few weeks, and told Emma to give him a call if she needed anything.

Meanwhile, Regina had found a family attorney, and both she and Emma had decided it was a good idea for Emma to talk to Archie before moving forward with any plans. Archie, for his part, seemed pleased with the news that Emma had family out there. “That is such a huge gift. Though, I get the feeling that you’re only looking at this as a burden, Emma. Is that how you truly feel?”

The question had completely caught Emma off guard. As overwhelmed as she felt, thinking of Henry as a burden seemed far too sinister. “No,” she answered truthfully. “I don’t mean for it to come off that way. I’m sorry, I just don’t know how to handle it.”

Archie, true to his nature, supported this. “I understand. Sometimes it’s hard to separate how we truly feel about complex things.”

“He seems like a good kid. He actually seems a lot more put together than I was at that age.”

“But you’re obviously worried about him.”

Emma nodded at the observation. She knew what it was like to be in the system. She knew that placement could really make or break whether a kid ended up completely traumatized. She didn’t want anything like what she had been through to happen to Henry. It wasn’t just the incident with the Gold family; Emma had been beaten with a belt and various kitchen objects countless times, had been made to drink liquor to entertain adults or to make her pass out, she had slept under the bed when parties happened to hide from drunk or drugged out visitors, hid in cabinets to escape vicious dogs, and had been called just about every name in the book while under the care of her foster homes. Mercy Hell hadn’t been a picnic either. The kids that ended up there had their own trauma, and typically took it out on other kids. Emma had been mercilessly bullied because she was quiet and small just by the kids who lived under the same roof, not to mention the ones at school who thought it was funny she didn’t have nice clothes or Christmas presents or parents to go home to.

The more she thought about it, the more her mind swam with thoughts of nightmares of what could happen to Henry. And the more it swam, the more panicked she became that a practical stranger had such an effect on her. She’d never felt anything so strong for anyone she barely knew before. Except once.

“And Regina? What does she think?” Archie asked, breaking Emma out of her thoughts.

She couldn’t help but give a toothless smile. “Take a guess.”

“That she’s going to support you no matter what, I’d wager.”

“She’s too good for me,” Emma said, looking down at her hands.

“Or maybe she loves you very much, and she’s just better at wearing her heart on her sleeve. I’m also willing to bet that while you’re worried about what could happen with Henry, she’s worried about you. How have you been taking care of yourself while all this is going on?”

Emma kept her eyes on her hands, trying to hide her guilt. Truth be told, she’d been avoiding processing much of anything in the past few days. While she knew she was supposed to be working on her meditation, journaling, and breathing exercises, she’d been throwing herself into her work, slugging down bottomless cups of coffee, and scouring the internet for long-discontinued parts for her dying yellow bug. Even late at night when Regina was long asleep, the only true selfcare she’d been exercising was trailing a light finger over Regina’s skin, combing through Regina’s hair, giving her feather kisses in her sleep, just savoring laying there with her. The very little bit of journaling and breathing exercises she had been doing, she had way over embellished with her partner.

“I’ve been…keeping busy,” she said quietly.

Peeking up, she saw Archie regarding her behind his horn-rimmed glasses. “And you know what happens when you don’t take care of yourself.”

Sighing irritably, Emma got to her feet. “Yup. Fully aware, thanks,” she said, crossing her arms over her chest and going to the window, looking out at the snow. She hoped the bug would start once her session was over. “I’m talking to a family attorney today. Not about custody, just…I wanna see if maybe Regina and I can take him out every once in a while. To get to know him.”

She was hoping the tactic of changing the subject would work. If Archie had taken offense to her sudden terseness, he didn’t show it. “I think that’s a great first step.”

“Yeah, but what if,” she trailed off there, keeping her eyes out the window.

“What if what?” Archie prompted.

Spinning around, she said, “What if by me trying to get to know him, Henry gets really attached? Or worse, what if _I_ get attached? And then, because of who I am, I can’t take care of him?”

There. She’d said it. Hadn’t meant to. Wasn’t even fully aware herself that this was the fear she had been carrying around for days. But there it was, out in the open. She knew that the look on her face betrayed how scared she really felt at the prospects.

Archie, however, didn’t seem phased by the epiphany. “And who are you, Emma?”

“I’m the girl with diagnosed PTSD, has a live-in girlfriend, a car that doesn’t fucking work, and no savings thanks to starting my own business barely a year ago. And the girl who sometimes wakes up with the mind of a toddler, and can’t be trusted to look after herself! I’m barely even trusted to be alone when I’m stressed out. And I’ve got support, and it’s worked out fine. But if I start inviting that system that failed me when I was a kid into my adult life…Archie I don’t think they’re going to let me anywhere near Henry by the time they’ve learned everything about me. And by then I’ll be attached, and so will Regina. And I can take a lot, but I don’t want to break her heart. Or his…”

It was quiet for a long time, Emma trying to catch her breath and Archie regarding her with that same look of pensive assessment. Leaning forward, he said one word in the same calm tone. “Woman.”

Emma blinked. “Huh?”

“You kept saying girl. Emma, you’re no girl. You’re a grown woman. A woman who suffers from PTSD because of her experiences from being in that same system, things that were not your fault. And in return, you’ve been handling them the exact way that you are supposed to: you are being treated for it, and as you said, you have support. You might not have a boatload of money packed in the bank, but I can’t think of many people who do these days. As for having a live-in girlfriend? You’d be surprised how far the system has come on accepting that. In fact, I’d say it’s much better than having a live-in boyfriend as far as that is concerned. You own your own business that is thriving, don’t have a criminal record, aren’t doing drugs. You have a steady relationship, a safe place to live. Forgive me for saying so, but you are not very good at giving yourself credit where credit is due. You’re a strong, independent, resourceful young woman, and Henry is lucky to have you as his sister.”

Again, the quiet swallowed her up. Emma stood blinking at Archie until she felt her eyes sting, and she looked back out the window. She felt completely blown away by his assessment of her.

“Look,” he finally cut through. “Don’t worry about all of that bureaucratic nonsense. You do whatever you feel is right for you and your family. And if you need your doctor in your corner, whatever you decide, I’m here. In the meantime, I want you to get this stress under control. I understand there is a lot going on right now, but you need to make it your top priority. You won’t do yourself any favors if you don’t stop to take a breath, alright?”

Emma left her appointment feeling both relieved at having her thoughts off her chest and nervous about how visible her stress was to Archie. He told her to come in earlier than normal the next week so that they could start a few different meditation exercises, and she had agreed. She liked doing those with Archie because of how calming his very presence was, but it did put a rock in the pit of her stomach that he was worried enough to bump their appointment up. She left promising him and herself that she would take the time that night to write in her journal at the very least, and do some meditation even if only for five minutes.

In the meantime, she had a thousand other things to do, including setting up a meeting with the attorney, but before she called him, she rang Ruby. She felt bad for cutting her off yesterday, even though Ruby couldn’t have called at a worse time. Still, it was clear something was going on with Ruby, and she wanted to be there for her.

Her phone went to voicemail.

_Hey, it’s Ruby. You know what to do._

Emma sighed. “Hey, it’s me. Sorry again about yesterday. So, I’m about to call this family lawyer guy and see if maybe I have any right to like, I don’t know, take Henry to pizza or something. But call me back later, okay? Let’s go grab a drink and we’ll talk.”

After she was done, she called the number on the business card that Regina had given her: a Mr. Neil Cassidy. He picked up on the third ring, and Emma introduced herself and tried to give him the quickest rundown on her story. He was silent for a moment before letting her know that he’d like to meet her in person to talk about it, and they set up an appointment for the end of the week.

Meanwhile, Emma had more work to do for Mal Page. Since the picture she had of Lily didn’t look at all familiar, Emma figured that if her suspicions that Lily was somehow involved in the BDSM world had any merit, she may be frequenting different clubs than the ones she and Regina did.

There was a smaller club in Southie that they had never been to, and she understood why once she arrived. It was not nearly as done up as The Dungeon: tiny wooden bar, and a small dance floor, no cages, no stage, and probably didn’t fit more than a hundred people.

The owner, a pretty brunette, was clearly not used to receiving visitors in the middle of the day other than the liquor delivery. She eyed Emma wearily as she took out her card and showed it to her.

The brunette’s eyes traveled from the card back up to Emma, and she gave her a suspicious glare. “What’s this about?”

Emma took Lily’s picture out and showed it to the woman, who stared at it with the same scrutiny she’d given Emma’s card.

“Recognize her?” Emma asked.

The woman shook her head. “Nope. But that doesn’t mean much. Hundreds of people come through these doors.”

“Her name’s Lily Page,” Emma said.

The woman rolled her eyes then. “Look, Miss Swan? I’m not sure if you frequent many clubs, but typically you don’t know your patrons by name in my line of work. It isn’t like we write them on their shot glasses when they make an order.”

Emma cocked her eyebrow then, and gave the brunette the same challenging look. If her experience at The Dungeon was anything to go by, the owners didn’t know everybody, but they were familiar with their regulars. “What about your bartenders? They’d recognize a regular, wouldn’t they?”

She shrugged. “Possible. But you’ll have to come back at night. My tenders don’t hang around here in the middle of the day.”

Emma made her way to Eye Candy, where the owner was not only surprised to see her without Regina, but in the middle of the day when the club wasn’t even open.

“I’m here on business, actually,” Emma said, taking her card out.

The owner was a big, gruff looking man, who looked at it in surprise, and gave Emma a grin. “The Queen’s Little is a private detective? That’s funny.”

Lowering her card, Emma cocked her head to the side. “Why’s that funny?”

The man shrugged. “I guess I’m just used to looking at you a certain way. You’re always in here with your head down and your hand in Regina’s, following her around.”

Emma didn’t get much out of him after that. He kept bringing the subject back over to Regina and Emma in a more personal way than Emma was used to any stranger asking her, let alone somebody she was trying to question for work. Eventually, Emma got frustrated, and just handed him a copy of Lily’s picture. “Look, can you at least ask around and see if anybody’s familiar with her?”

“Sure thing, detective,” he said, and Emma was about to correct him on the formal title, but decided against arguing with him and just left.

After that, she met up with August for their stake out. He was fidgeting with his battery-operated space heater, cussing under his breath to get it to work.

“Just as well,” she mumbled as she sipped her coffee. “It’ll probably burn us alive in here.” Stake outs in the winter sucked, there was no sugar coating that. They couldn’t very well sit in a car for hours letting the motor run to keep the heat on, and it didn’t matter how much they bundled up as the cold always seeped into their skin. They were in for a long night.

“Maybe he’ll come out early, and we’ll get lucky.”

Emma snorted, because luck was rarely on their side at work.

“So,” August said as he finally got the heater to work. “Heard you got a little shadow at your feet lately.”

It took a second for Emma to realize what he was talking about, and she sighed in exasperation. “Boy, news travels fast in this circle.”

He grinned. “Could have told me yourself, you know? I had to find out from Margot and Tilly.”

“They didn’t even know who he was!” she argued, but August just kept grinning.

“Yeah, but I got curious when they mentioned you went in yesterday with a kid, and called Zelena. She spilled her guts in two seconds.”

Shaking her head, Emma sighed. “I have no idea how that woman is a psychiatrist. She can’t keep a secret to save her life.”

“To be fair, I think she just wanted me off the phone as quickly as possible.”

If what he had said hadn’t piqued her interest, the way he said it would have. Emma turned to see the grin on his face had vanished. “Hey, everything okay between you two?”

August shrugged, busying himself with putting on another pair of gloves over a thinner layer. “It’s kinda…running its course.”

Emma sighed, feeling a tug in her chest. Zelena hadn’t mentioned anything about it, but now that she’d thought about it, the two had been bickering more lately. “Shit, man. I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”

August gave another shrug and grinned despite the clear look of hurt in his eyes. “We never really meant it to get very serious. We kinda made the mistake of not defining what we were doing, so we were just having fun. But then when you’re ‘just having fun’ for months on end, you start to wonder if why you’re sticking around so long if that’s all it is. And I guess it’s more. But…I dunno, man. We’re just both kinda over it in our own different ways.”

Emma raised her eyebrows. “And what ways are you over it?”

August gave her a sideways look. “It’s alright to not ask. I know the two of you are close.”

“We are. And you’re one of my best friends.”

But August just shrugged. “You just get to know somebody after a while. Sometimes you figure out you aren’t as compatible,” he said vaguely. And then his eyes lit up and he nodded. “Well, shit. Look at that. Luck’s on our side tonight.”

Emma followed his eyes. Their subject was coming out of the underground gambling house. Show time.

***

Zelena needed to keep pacing so she didn’t simply burst into tears. She kept looking down at her phone, but truth be told she had long lost the hope that she was going to get any response from Ruby. That had faded yesterday. Now, she was battling with herself to call Regina. She knew she needed to, that wasn’t the problem. The issue was figuring out what the hell she was supposed to say.

Maybe this wasn’t about her. Maybe Ruby not coming home had nothing to do with her at all.

Okay, that was fucking dumb. Of _course_ Ruby was avoiding her. Wasn’t she?

The more Zelena thought about that, the more idiotic she sounded to herself. Ruby was a lot of things, but she wasn’t a coward. Unlike most people, she said exactly what was on her mind, at least to Zelena. Right? Then again, they’d both been making a huge mess of their relationship lately. Maybe she was the exception.

 _Not everything is about you_ , she scolded herself, sounding scarily like her mother. Cora used to say that to her all the time, and it was true. Zelena had a bad habit of thinking everything anybody ever did was a direct result of her mere existence.

She wasn’t Ruby’s entire world.

“Ah, fuck it!” she screamed out loud this time. She couldn’t handle it anymore, this insufferable back and forth of trying to justify what was happening. She pulled up her contacts.

But she didn’t call Regina.

“Hey,” the voice answered on the first ring. Zelena found herself smiling.

“Hey, Dove.”

“You okay?”

Shit. She was so busy trying to get her head to shut up, she’d forgotten to still her voice, square away her nerves. Emma had picked up on it right away.

“Listen, have you heard from Ruby lately?” she dove in, and winced when the silence on the other end lasted a tick longer than it should have.

“I called her yesterday and left her a voicemail. She didn’t call me back yet,” Emma said. “Why?”

Rubbing her neck forcefully, Zelena tried to sound as cheery as she could. “I just, haven’t seen her recently…?”

Again, silence on the other end for a long moment. And when Emma spoke again, it was clear that her energy had shifted. “What do you mean you ‘haven’t seen her recently’? You live together.” The wariness made Zelena cringe. She’d never been the reason for Emma to be nervous about anything. She was really fucking up lately.

“Well, you know. Opposite schedules…” she tried, not sure if that cheery voice of hers sounded as fake to Emma as it did to her.

“Zelena….”

Apparently, it did. Because Emma never spoke to her in that low tone.

“…what’s going on? What’s happened to Ruby?”

And blegh! It all came spewing out. Tumbling off her tongue like one of her more excitable patients in a therapy session. How Ruby hadn’t come home in three days, how she hadn’t answered any texts or calls, and while she left out the part about why Ruby may be trying to cool off, she told Emma that she had called Ruby’s work and they said she hadn’t made her shift. Ruby hadn’t even come home while Zelena was at work. She’d checked. Her makeup, hair straightener, clothes, hadn’t been touched. No food was coming in or out of the house, and Ruby hadn’t turned up the heater at all like she normally did to annoy Zelena and run up the electricity bill.

In short, Ruby wasn’t answering any calls, hadn’t been at work, and hadn’t been home.

She was gone.

“…and I don’t know what to do, or if there is anything to do, and then I found her fucking work apron with her order sheet, and I know she never writes any orders down, but she always has it to give out her number to hot customers, and it’s still fucking sitting here, and…!”

“Zelena!” Emma yelled into the phone, breaking up the tirade in just enough time before tears completely drown the words out anyway. “When was the last time you saw Ruby?”

A flash of Ruby on top of her on the couch threw Zelena into a mess of emotions. This goddamned couch! She was going to burn it, she decided. Pour expensive wine all over it and set it on fire. She was done drinking anyway. She’d fucked up big this time.

“Here. A few days ago,” she went with.

“Did she say anything? Give you any indication of, like, I don’t know. Anything! Leaving or being upset or anything like that?”

“Eerrrrmmm…”

Well, Christ. She knew this was a bad idea! She couldn’t tell Emma that the last time she’d seen Ruby was when she had peeled herself off her naked, sleeping body. She couldn’t tell Emma that her and Ruby had been sleeping with one another or falling…

No, no, no, no, no…not possible. That didn’t happen to Zelena Mills. Or Ruby Lucas. Did it? A drunk and a Domme. What a pair they would make…

“Great. That’s just great, Zee,” Emma’s scoff cut in on the other end at the non-answer. “Meet me at the coffee shop in half an hour. And I’m calling Regina. She knows how to speak Zelena better than I do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought, maybe, this was a good time to give you all a nice surprise.
> 
> Anyway, here's to the first new material in a long, long time. What's going on with Ruby?


	10. The Letter

As Tilly flipped the sign on the door to read “Closed”, Emma looked out at the inky-black sky on the other side of the window. They had been there for what felt like forever, all waiting for everyone to show up, putting tiny pieces together here and there. Emma had taken to writing everything down on a notepad she’d had stuffed in her bug, but looking down at the pages now, they were such a jumbled mess, she wasn’t sure if she’d ever get them to make any sense. Not with how she was feeling then. Her brain and her chest reflected the scribbling perfectly: confused, sporadic, shattered.

Mary Margaret kept holding her stomach as if letting go would make her baby disappear, David rubbing her shoulders as he stared down at the ground, letting her cry it out. She had always been a crier, but being pregnant had really turned the faucet on the water works, and she sat there looking at everyone as she silently wept. David would every now and then exchange a look with Killian, who kept grinding his jaw in that way he did when he was anxious. Margot busied herself with making sure everyone had coffee and tea, August sat dutifully next to Zelena as she made her usual irritated noises when she was upset, but he was trying to help Emma put things down on paper at the same time. Regina’s hand was on Emma’s leg, and Emma noticed she was tense and worried, looking her over every few minutes. She could practically feel the anxiety coming off Regina’s hand just by the simple touch.

None of them had seen or heard from Ruby in days.

“Is there someone we should call?” Killian asked quietly. “Family?”

Mary Margaret cleared her heavy throat. “Her father lives in Indiana. They don’t get along so well.”

“Maybe she went there to visit him?” August offered, and the words seemed to perk Zelena up with a fire of hope in her eyes.

But the sound that came out of Emma doused that idea quickly. “I really doubt that. Mary Margaret is being generous, there.” Ruby and her dad didn’t get along at all. Ruby’s mother had died of cancer when they were all just kids. Before that, she’d only spent every other weekend with her father, who was happy as he had been living the bachelor life. Ruby had been thrown on him, and as a result, he spent most of his time working and leaving her cash to order herself pizza for dinner. He’d pretty much been absent. She and Emma had been planning on moving out together since they were fourteen, and the only reason Ruby had even stayed at home until she was legally an adult was because she was waiting on Emma, who couldn’t leave the state’s care early.

“Well, we have to try!” Zelena interjected. “Maybe something happened to him and she had to go quickly.”

Mary Margaret got up quicker than Emma thought was possible in her condition and walked to the corner of the coffee shop as she fished her cell phone out of her pocket. David didn’t move with her, but his eyes followed wearily. Everyone seemed to have hawk eyes for their significant other, gauging their stability.

Or maybe Emma was projecting that onto her friends, because she could positively feel Regina’s worry, not only for Ruby but for Emma herself.

Emma had barely said anything as everyone gave her things to write down, falling into note taking and trying to connect the dots on the page. She could feel herself shutting down, could feel her head hitting that brick wall. This couldn’t be happening. There was no fucking way that this was happening. Her best friend was missing…

She felt a hand on the back of her neck as Regina began petting her, soothing those whirlwind thoughts. The gesture made Emma’s thoughts calm. She took a deep breath.

Emma wasn’t surprised at all when Mary Margaret came back to the table, throwing her phone on top of it and sighing. She sat down heavily, closing her eyes to center herself.

“Well?” Zelena asked.

Mary Margaret didn’t even open her eyes. She just shook her head. Zelena looked as if she were a balloon that you had just popped the helium out of, but Emma hadn’t been hopeful in the least. At no point would Ruby take off to go see her dad and say absolutely nothing to anybody, including not letting her work know.

“What did he say?” Zelena pressed.

“Well, first I had to remind him who I was,” Mary Margaret said irritably, not at Zelena, but at the idea that the man who had raised Ruby didn’t remember her best friend since elementary school. “And then I practically had to remind him who Ruby was.” Emma couldn’t help it. She snorted. Mary Margaret didn’t really make jokes too often. That one was darkly funny. Or maybe Emma was just in a really, really dark mood. “In short, no. She didn’t go to Indiana to see her father.”

“How do you even have that number?” Killian asked, and Emma rolled her eyes at him. Clearly, he didn’t know Mary Margaret, the woman who sent Christmas cards to her local grocery store clerk.

Also unlike Mary Margaret, she gave Killian an accusing stare. “How did you not know she has a dad in Indiana?”

“We don’t talk about things like that!” Killian’s voice raised defensively.

“Clearly!”

Suddenly, a cacophony of angry voices started throwing insults at each other, and for the first time, Regina spoke up, turning her no nonsense voice on and drowning everyone else out. “Alright!” she barked over the others. Regina was nothing if not good at commanding a room. “We’re all on edge here. Let’s work on solutions, and not on snapping at each other.” She gave Killian and Mary Margaret a pointed look. “It won’t help us or Ruby.”

Killian looked defeated as he sighed. “Look, the truth is, Ruby and I haven’t been doing great lately. She’s been, sort of…pulling away.”

Emma looked up, and studied his face, surprised. Was this what Ruby had wanted to talk to her about? Killian? That was weird to Emma. It wasn’t like Ruby to get attached to a guy, much less avoid them if her feelings started to wane. Ruby would just tell him what was up.

But Zelena scoffed before Emma could ask any questions. “You two aren’t even together,” she said, crossing her arms, and Emma couldn’t help but feel that Zelena looked very uncomfortable. Well, obviously, Emma scolded herself. Her friend and roommate was M.I.A.

“But that’s just it,” Killian argued. “There’s no reason for her to be pulling away. We’ve always gotten along great, but had our own things going on. Lately though…she’s been acting really weird around me. Avoiding me. I dunno, it just isn’t like her.”

“Care to elaborate on that?” Emma asked.

Killian’s jaw went haywire again, and he looked down. “She’s been pulling away, quiet. Which is fine, you know, between us? But when I asked her if everything was okay, she snapped at me. Told me it was none of my business and she had every right to pull away, and I just thought that was weird. We’re friends, you know? But she acted like I was being a jealous boyfriend of something, and I wasn’t! I was truly worried about her. It isn’t like her to act like a ghost.”

“When was the last time you saw her?” August said, pen in hand.

“At The Dungeon. Four nights ago.”

Emma perked up, and her neck snapped to Regina, who gave her the same worried look. Regina looked over at Killian after they made the eye contact. “The same night Emma and I were there?”

Killian nodded. “Yeah.”

“So you haven’t seen Ruby since we have?” Regina asked incredulously, and Emma could hear the worry in her voice turn up a notch. Emma felt sick. Her chest froze, and she tried to take in a breath, but couldn’t. She literally felt cold inside. She knew that feeling…she tried to swallow it down.

Not now…

As Killian shook his head, Emma asked: “Who did she go home with that night?”

He shrugged. “No idea. Like I said, she was being weird. She’d snapped at me earlier that day, so I was giving her some space. I think I even left before her.”

Emma thought back, mind reeling. She’d talked to Ruby briefly the day after that. Oh god, she’d blown Ruby off. She was in the middle of something, and Ruby had called her, and she’d blown her off. She tried to think: had Ruby sounded weird? Guilt set in along with the cold of Emma’s chest. She couldn’t say. She’d been so caught up in her car and Henry.

“When was that, Wednesday night?” Zelena interjected. When Regina and Emma nodded, Zelena said, “she had been home Thursday. I didn’t see her, but I could tell she’d been there when I got home from work.”

“Yeah, she called me Thursday,” Emma said, and she saw both Zelena and Regina’s eyes light up with hope.

“What did she say?” Zelena pressed.

That guilt felt like an anvil, smacking Emma right in the heart and lungs. She tried to sigh, but it caught mid-breath. “She…kind of caught me at a bad time. I told her I’d call her later.”

Feeling Regina’s hand press more firmly on her leg, August broke the silence. “When was that? What time of day?”

Emma tried to think, but it all seemed so jumbled up. “I dunno. I was here…”

“That day with the kid?” Margot asked, looking at Tilly, who nodded enthusiastically.

“One-fifteen!” Tilly said, and the cheer in her voice really didn’t match the mood. Emma gave Margot a questioning look, and Margot just shrugged.

“She remembers everything like that about the customers walking in. I dunno, it’s freaky. She can’t figure out the correct amount of change to give people, but knows their names and their favorites after like one time.”

All of them jumped when they heard banging on the window of the locked door. Emma felt her heart nearly leap into her throat, but at the same moment, she stood up as if by reflex, looking for Ruby.

Instead, she saw Anna, fist pounding, eyes wide, Elsa behind her trying to get her to stop trying to break the glass.

“Oh good,” Killian mumbled. “The lunatic is here. We’re saved.”

“Shut up!” Zelena hissed as Tilly got to her feet to unlock the door.

Anna came bursting in and made a beeline for Emma, who she caught up in a tight bear hug. “Emma!” she screamed in Emma’s ear, but Emma couldn’t bring herself to wince. She just held on tightly to her friend. “Its gunna be okay! We’ll find her!”

As Elsa came in and hugged Regina, Anna pulled away, taking Emma’s hands in hers and squeezing. She gave Emma that reassuring smile that she sometimes gave when Emma was Little and nervous, and Emma couldn’t help but feel a little soothed by it.

As Tilly pulled up chairs for Elsa and Anna’s arrival, Anna first went behind Killian and smacked him in the back of the head.

“Ah!” he cried, giving her a death glare as he watched her twist the chair around and sit on it backwards. “What the hell was that for?!”

She sneered at him. “I can read lips, stupid.”

As Zelena snickered, Killian’s eyes dove to Elsa, who shrugged. “Seriously, she can. Found that out the hard way when I was telling someone where I was hiding her candy.”

“Great,” he grumbled. “Anna can read lips and Tilly knows the time. Emma, any Little superhero powers of yours we should all know about?”

“I’ve got a pretty decent right hook,” she seethed at him, mind still on Ruby and not appreciating the detour of the conversation.

August snickered. “She does, dude. Watch yourself.”

“When did you all last see Ruby?” Mary Margaret looked wide-eyed and hopeful at Elsa, who shrugged.

“Wednesday night? At The Dungeon.”

The declaration made Mary Margaret slump, and Emma joined her. The two shared a look. Comradery in that their best friend was missing, and they felt completely powerless.

“What time did you all leave?” Regina asked, and Emma felt Regina’s hand return to her thigh when she sat back down.

Elsa gave Anna an annoyed look. “We closed the bar. Somebody had a little extra energy.”

“Was Ruby still there?” Emma asked, looking hopeful at Anna.

But Anna gave her an apologetic look. “I didn’t see her at two. But Will and I were really busy…” she trailed off at the end there, and judging by the annoyed grunt from Elsa ‘really busy’ meant that Anna and Will had gotten into one of their fighting matches.

“Last I saw her, she was with Belle and Mulan,” Elsa stated. “But when those two went over to the larger group, I saw Ruby sort of avoid them…”

Killian made a grunting noise and slouched in his seat. “That’d probably be my fault,” he said. “She and I had gotten into it.”

“You had Ingrid in that crowd though too, right?” Elsa asked. “I’d avoid Ingrid like the plague any day.”

Anna snorted, and Elsa flashed her a warning look. But of course, Anna ignored it. “Everybody was in the group,” Anna argued. “Maybe she was avoiding _Belle_!”

It was Emma’s turn to give a laugh. “Yeah, who does that?” Belle, the sweetest, cutest sub on the planet, who probably didn’t have a mean bone in her body. Ruby and Belle had always gotten along famously, and Anna was clearly trying to get a rise out of Elsa.

“Nah, it was me,” Killian said dejectedly, looking down at his fingers with guilt as he tore up a napkin.

“Just for argument’s sake,” August cut in. “Who else was in the group?”

“Uh…” Killian looked up in thinking mode, and began ticking names off of his fingers. “Ingrid, Mulan, Elsa, Sean, Ashley, Aurora, Philip, Belle, and me.” August scribbled it all down.

“You didn’t see her after that?” August asked Elsa, holding his pen at the ready.

She shrugged and shook her head. “Sorry. I just wasn’t paying that close attention. I didn’t know I’d need to…”

“Okay, so timeline,” August sighed, squinting at his paper with some difficulty. “Zelena lasts sees Ruby at home on Monday night, but could tell she’d been home at least some point on Tuesday, last person to see her in person is probably Elsa at The Dungeon at around maybe eleven or twelve?” Elsa nodded, but looked unsure about the exact time. It probably would have been impossible for Emma to tell either had she spent the whole night there. “And the last person to really talk to her was Emma on Thursday when Ruby called, which was about one-thirty in the afternoon.”

“Did she say anything to you last time you saw her on Monday?” Regina looked to her sister, and Emma saw panic sit in Zelena’s eyes.

“She…told me she’d been at work. During the family dinner? But that was a lie.” Zelena said.

Emma’s head snapped up at the same second that Regina said, “What?”

Pursing her lips, Zelena took in a shaky breath. “She told us she couldn’t come to dinner because she’d picked up a shift. But I called. She wasn’t there. When I asked her about it, she avoided the question.”

“Why’d you call the diner?” Regina asked. “Was there a reason you thought she might not be there?”

At this, Zelena’s lips puckered and her nose flared. “What am I, on trial? She doesn’t work Mondays, all right?! I thought it was weird!”

Regina opened her mouth to give a quick rebuttal, but closed it again and stared Zelena down. For a long, silent moment, the two just glared at each other. Emma could sense the wheels in Regina’s head turning furiously. She knew that look all too well.

“Is her makeup gone?” Killian interjected, nearly making the sisters jump as they were rocked out of the intense staring match.

“Gone?” Zelena blinked at him, and then her eyes widened. “No,” she whispered, almost as if the answer surprised her. “No, nothing’s gone. Her hairbrush, her makeup, her work apron…it’s all still there.”

Mary Margaret made a noise.

Killian’s eyes trailed over the group, and he said in a doomed type of voice, “That’s not like Ruby.”

No, Emma trembled. It wasn’t. Nothing about this made any sense. Everyone seemed to notice that Ruby had been acting strangely, but nobody had known why. Was this just another thing she was doing that was out of character? Had she just decided to go spend a week on the beach somewhere and clear her head? Maybe Ruby just needed some time alone, and didn’t want to tell anyone where she was going. That wasn’t like Ruby, but neither were any of the things anyone was saying about her.

“We should make a police report,” Mary Margaret said, and though Emma agreed with her, she knew the outcome. August verbalized.

“There isn’t anything they’ll do. She’s an adult. She can do what she wants.”

“I don’t care!” Mary Margaret exclaimed. Talk about acting out of character. “My best friend is missing, and we can all come up with a million stories as to why she would have up and taken off, but I know Ruby. Emma,” she looked over, and the two met each other’s eyes. It was as close to that sisterly look that Regina and Zelena sometimes got. The language was clear. “She wouldn’t do this,” she finished, and it seemed it was just her and Emma in the room at that moment.

Giving Mary Margaret a solitary nod, Emma stood with her resolve. “I’ll go now. I’ve got friends there. Maybe it’ll make a difference.”

***

Regina would be lying if she said she was truly asleep when it happened. She had been tossing and turning, waking into a sitting position, hearing phantom cries from the one lying next to her for hours. Except before, she’d found only a slightly less restless version of herself in Emma, clearly in distress in her dreams until Regina lulled her back into ease. She must have done that a half a dozen times before the real thing finally bubbled over.

The wail that permeated the air felt as if it were vibrating the walls. Emma’s howling cut through the night like nothing else could, sinking terror right into the heart of Regina’s chest. This time, when she bolted up, she launched her arms towards her partner, who’s own were performing a haunting jerking motion. Stiff, tight, convulsing as they pushed at an imaginary wall above Emma’s head. When Regina touched them, they were somehow clammy, cold, and on fire all at the same time. She swore she’d never get used to the ghostly feeling of Emma’s skin when this happened.

“Emma,” Regina called with a practiced steady tone, her fright desperately pushing at the surface, but her head telling her to keep it at bay. “Baby, it’s okay,” she said loudly, trying to make her voice heard over the screaming without adding anymore charge to the energy.

Emma’s eyes were open, but unseeing, black with terror. Her mouth was also a black cave, hauntingly gaping as she tried to take a breath. She didn’t succeed.

“Emma, I’m here,” Regina called again, hands going to Emma’s cheeks, making her eyes connect with Emma’s. Nobody stared back at her. Emma was not there. She was in her head. In the past. Locked. Regina was thankful to say it had been months since one of these episodes, but she felt unpracticed at this. As if there was any preparing for it. “I’m here, baby. Regina’s here. Mama’s here. Feel me,” she said, rubbing Emma’s cheeks with hard thumbs, trying to make enough friction to cause a dent in Emma’s sensory overload.

Emma screamed back at her. Regina was hovering over her body, and she could feel every muscle tight, rigid. Her legs were like boards, every vein in her face was blue with suffocation.

“Feel me!” Regina called louder. “Emma. Come back to me, sweetheart.”

The black eyes didn’t blink once. Emma’s throat caught as she tried to take in breath, and for a horrible moment, she was choking. Regina thought fast and flipped Emma’s rigid body on its side and smacked her back in a hard rhythm. As she did, she saw those tight veins in Emma’s neck get bluer.

One more hard smack, and a scream tumbled out of Emma’s throat, followed by a gulp of air. As much as the noise sent chills down Regina’s spine, it at least meant that Emma had taken one breath. Thinking quickly again, Regina leaned down to grab hold of Emma’s foot and put her lips close to Emma’s ear. “Emma, you listen to me,” she said sternly as she pinched Emma’s big toe hard. “You are home, in our bed. We live on the tenth floor of The Benjamin apartments. Regina is right here with you. And I love you. Do you understand me? I’ve got you and I’m going to keep you safe. Focus, Emma. I know you can.”

A huge suck of air. Emma heaved a huge breath, and her hands turned into claws, raking over the bed sheets as if she were trying to clamber away. Regina could see her eyes were still black, but taking a big breath was progress.

“Good girl,” she said, still firm but with encouragement. She pinched Emma’s toe again. “What does ZeeZee say, sweetheart? Focus. I’m still here with you. Do you feel me?”

Emma began making short, labored pants, colored by wheezing. Regina cradled the back of Emma’s head and pressed their foreheads together, even though it hurt as Emma kept jerking. She didn’t care. Emma needed to feel her.

“Breathe,” she husked just next to Emma’s own lips, scratching Emma’s scalp as hard as she could without leaving marks, just so Emma could start to sense she was there. She’d let go of Emma’s toe and was working on her legs now. “Breathe, baby.”

One more gulp of air.

“Good girl. You’re my big girl. You’re safe in our bed. I promise you, Emma. I promised you I’d never let anything happen to you. You’re safe…”

One clawed hand grasped Regina’s arm. She almost let out a shriek with its power but steadied herself. Emma seemed to realize she’d grabbed something she should treasure, because she began feeling Regina’s flesh with curious fingers, and then held on gently.

Her breaths started to come more frequently, a little more quietly every time. Regina felt her muscles begin to loosen, just a little.

It was only then that Regina realized she’d closed her eyes. She opened them, and saw Emma’s staring back at her. Green. Just a little bit of green. The rest, black. And so much red. But at least there was a ghost of her Emma.

“That’s it,” Regina encouraged, not able to help a relieved sigh. “There’s my girl. Come on, sweetheart. Push through.”

Emma made a pitiful mewling noise, and Regina saw that her whole face was soaked with a mixture of sweat and tears. Emma opened her mouth to say something, but found she couldn’t. It seemed to scare her. She tried to take another breath after the failed attempt, but it caught, and Regina felt her tighten up.

“Hey…hey, hey,” her fingers came alive, rubbing soothingly over Emma’s cheeks, arms, back. “Sshh…don’t try to talk. Just breathe. Everything’s okay.”

A little cry came out that held a character of Emma’s voice. It was such a beautiful thing to hear that Regina felt a relieved sob escape her, but she quickly strengthened her own voice as she watched Emma’s eyes slowly begin to focus. She blinked once, twice, clarity forming.

“There you go,” Regina encouraged. “There’s my girl. Come on, Emma.”

A sharp intake and a kick jolted Regina’s head back as Emma’s eyes suddenly went blank again. Oh no…

Whatever was going on inside her head, Emma had managed to throw herself back into that dark abyss. Regina put more pressure on her massaging down Emma’s trembling body. “No, Emma…” she turned Emma on her back and loomed over her. “Baby…come on!”

Another attempt to get air in her lungs, Emma’s whole body was soaked in sweat. Her pajamas clung to her skin, her temples glistened. She made an odd moaning sound as her legs jerked, her arms boards at her sides. Regina took hold of them and clasped onto her hands that were so stiff, she couldn’t get their fingers to intertwine. So she lifted the upper part of Emma’s body and cradled her head, slapping Emma’s back with a steady hand, willing those lungs to work.

Emma gasped, arms now dangling at the sides of their bodies, completely helpless in the effort to hold her up. But she got air in her lungs in one large gulp.

“Again,” Regina called. “Again, Emma. Come on, my love. Come back to me. I’m right here.” Pressing her lips to Emma’s ear, she began chanting against it, smoothing down damp hair as she rocked them. “My brave girl,” she whispered. “My brave, strong girl. Mama’s here, baby. Mama’s got you.”

A moan, sounding like an attempt at saying _Mama._

“Again. Breathe,” she encouraged, now rubbing up and down Emma’s back with as much pressure as she could, trying to get Emma’s sensory overload to focus on just her.

Another breath. More air filled those abused lungs this time, and Regina realized that she too needed to take some steady breaths. She willed herself to calm down, give a good example, and she took deep, slow gulps of air. She continued for a long time, hands still rubbing hard, feeling the body she was holding begin to follow her breathing. Face turned into a sweaty temple, Regina whispered a steady stream of soothing words, letting Emma know where she was and who she was with.

Finally, the first soft sigh escaped Emma’s lips, followed by a frightened whimper, and she began to shake. Whether from fear or cold or both, Regina knew she could solve both of them.

“My babygirl…it’s okay,” Regina soothed, pulling away to try and look in Emma’s eyes. They were glazed and confused, blinking furiously, but were much clearer than they had been. She was back. The next phase of this was beginning: fear, disorientation, memory loss.

“R…r’gina?” every syllable shook.

Not being able to help her relieved smile, Regina sighed, cupping Emma’s cheek. “You’re okay.”

“N..no…” Emma whimpered, causing Regina to bring her back into their hug and rock her.

“Yes you are, my love. You had a flashback. But it’s over now. I’ve got you. You haven’t left my arms once, Emma. You’ve been safe. You’re safe now.”

Emma made a noise like she was going to say something, but instead let out an exhausted cry, the shaking picking up. Regina lowered her hand to check Emma’s diaper, which was bulging. She was wet all over.

The shaking got worse, and while Emma was clearly getting air in now, it was too short and quick. “I’ll be right back,” she said as she lowered Emma down, who let out a frightened whimper and tried to reach, but her arms didn’t seem to be working. She was shaking too hard.

Regina moved as quick as she could, shooting towards the bathroom to grab Emma’s medicine.

“Desperate Measures” Zelena called them: Emma’s Xanax. Emma hated them. Regina hated them. They made Emma numb, groggy, but that sure as hell beat unable to breathe, and tonight didn’t seem like the time to try to get through one of these episodes without them.

She came back with half of a pill, because the full .5 milligrams Emma had been prescribed were far too strong. The last time she’d taken a full one, she’d been knocked out for a full day.

She sat Emma back up with effort, no help coming from her partner, who jerked at the sudden movement and continued to whimper.

“Open,” Regina ordered.

Emma didn’t seem to have it in her to fight. Her mouth dropped and Regina popped the pill inside. Emma made a pained expression as she swallowed, and the moment Regina could see it go down, she grabbed back ahold of her Little One and held her close, rocking them as Emma shook and panted against her.

“Just breathe,” she whispered. “Sshh…Emma. It’s almost over, sweetie. It’s almost over.”

The drug worked fast, as always. Emma’s body got heavier and heavier in her arms, her muscles untightening until she was boneless, slack in Regina’s arms. Deep, lazy breaths replaced panicked panting. Still, it was a long while before Regina felt comfortable lowering Emma down. When she did, she met drooping, lazy eyes that gazed up at her blankly.

God, Regina hated that empty stare. Emma would not remember half of what had occurred, but she would remember terror, and her body would be sore from the effort of it all. As soon as she came to enough to feel again.

Getting up, she heard Emma make a low mewl as Regina left her line of sight, but she called to Emma as she grabbed her changing items. “I’m right here, baby. Mama’s got to change you.”

It was more difficult with Emma’s body so limp that she could hardly help, but Regina managed to get her pajamas off. They were nearly soaked through with sweat. Regina didn’t waste any time getting her own off, as hers were also damp with most likely a mixture of Emma’s and her own. She untaped the wet diaper, and a chill went through Emma’s body. She blinked slowly as she whimpered. “I know, Little One. I’ll be quick,” Regina said, working to keep her promise by wiping Emma down as best she could and drying her. As she managed to maneuver a new diaper under Emma’s bottom, Emma’s legs flopped liked rubber to one side, and Regina had to work tape it up snuggly enough.

Now they were both naked, save for Emma’s diaper, the room was freezing, and the sheets were damp from the sweat. Thinking of a solution, Regina went to Emma’s crib and grabbed the down comforter folded over it, and tried to take Emma under the arms.

She was nearly dead weight, eyes blinking slowly like a kitten about to fall asleep, but Regina wasn’t going to let her sleep on their damp sheets.

“Emma, look at me. Try and focus,” she called. Emma blinked a bit faster, brows knitting as she tried to get Regina in focus. “Help Mama, baby. Come on. One, two, three,” she heaved.

Emma barely helped, but the tiny bit she managed was just enough for Regina to get her off of the mattress, and the rest she handled as she half carried, half dragged Emma’s limp body towards their recliner chair that felt as if it were a mile away. “Come on, babygirl. Little further.”

Emma’s arms dangled around Regina’s neck uselessly as they made it, and Regina sunk them down, pulling her partner with her and reclining the chair all the way. When she managed to get Emma next to her on the softly padded cushions, their naked bodies warmed each other up as she covered them with the blanket. Sighing in relief, she wrapped her arms around Emma’s seeming small form, Emma’s head tucking under her chin. “There we go,” she murmured. “Sshh…” as Emma shook, and Regina responded by beginning a steady pat to her diapered bottom. “Sleep now, my love.”

A small, heartbreaking whimper escaped Emma’s lips. “Ruby…”

Tears sprang up in Regina’s eyes so quickly, they stung to keep open. She let out the smallest of sobs as she hugged Emma closer. “I know, baby. I know. Sleep now. We’ll worry about it in the morning.”

But Regina worried about it the rest of her sleepless night, watching the morning coming up from the Atlantic at their window. She worried about Ruby and Emma both as the sky turned a lighter shade of grey. She was exhausted but she couldn’t sleep. They had been up half of the night at the police station as Emma filed a missing person’s report. While the cop that they’d spoken with was friendly enough because he knew Emma, the message had been clear.

“I don’t know how much we can do, Swan,” he had said with an apologetic smile, and Regina wondered if they were always this nice when family’s came in to report missing loved ones, or it was only happening because Emma was a friend.

“Just, do what you can,” Emma pleaded. “I’m hiring myself for this, but I need you to know that as somebody who looks for missing people for a living, I know the signs of somebody disappearing of their own volition, and those who don’t. Ruby didn’t.”

For all the good that statement was going to do, they left it at that and got home just a bit after midnight. While Regina had expected Emma to be a zombie like she had earlier night, she seemed anything but. Without the distraction of the station or of her friends around her swapping stories, Emma had been a nervous wreck, and it took all of Regina’s best tactics just to get her to fall into a fitful sleep.

The opposite was happening now. Emma was drugged into oblivion, a sack in Regina’s arms. While their recliner wasn’t much for looks, Regina was once again thankful for giving in to Emma’s demand for it; had the cushions been any less soft, she would have been in agony.

As it was, she was perfectly comfortable, save for the raging storm in her head. She and Emma were in their own warm cave as she watched a flurry start outside the window. A small amount of movement from Emma, and Regina responded with shushing her. She guided a full breast to Emma’s partially opened mouth, and it took a moment for Emma to respond. But she did eventually, latching on and lazily suckling here and there. She did it without any purpose, but Regina patiently allowed her milk to be taken much slower than usual. She nursed for nearly an hour.

When it was fully light outside, Regina roused her sleeping Little One in her arms. “Emma, wake up, darling,” she murmured, tucking a wayward piece of hair behind Emma’s ear. Emma stirred and opened lazy eyes. She may as well have been lifting weights with the effort it took, and when they opened, she didn’t seem to register Regina at all. Regina smiled down at her anyway, brushing her fingertips along Emma’s cheek. “Hello, sweetheart.”

Emma’s brows knit together, and she made a confused little grunt, but Regina shushed her. “It’s alright. You had to take your medicine last night.”

Emma blinked hard, and took in a heavy breath, licking her lips. “What…time is it?” she whispered thickly.

Regina’s smile widened. “Time for a shower. And then some breakfast.”

Emma made a face at the last remark, which didn’t surprise Regina. Emma rarely ate after an attack. It took a while for her stomach to settle.

“We’ll at least try, hm?” she said kindly, maneuvering so that she could help them both stand up. Emma was unsure on her feet, but she managed as Regina checked her diaper, and led them into the bathroom when she made sure it was dry.

“Why are we naked?” Emma asked as Regina opened the shower door and started the water running.

She turned back around and undid the tapes on Emma’s diaper as she smiled. “You sweat through pretty good last night,” she said. “The water will help you wake up. Come on, my love.”

For a while, they just stood under the water, and Regina held Emma to her. Emma nuzzled into the crook of Regina’s neck as she rinsed them off. She still felt heavier than normal. “How do you feel?” she asked.

“Foggy,” Emma answered.

Emma helped clean them in slow motion, blinking sluggishly as the dried off and Regina got them clothed. Sitting Emma down at the dining room table as she made coffee and dried toast, Regina heard Emma’s phone ring.

When she came back into the living room, she saw Emma listening to it, giving tiny grunts of recognition, but not really speaking.

“Is it the police?” Regina asked, trying to keep her warry voice under control.

Emma didn’t answer with words, but held the phone out in a gesture for Regina to take it. Putting the phone to her ear, Regina walked back into the kitchen. “Hello?”

“Hey, how come she won’t talk to me?” a little voice squeaked into Regina’s ear. It took Regina a second to realize who it was.

“Henry?”

“Can I come over?” he asked. “It’s a snow day.”

“Henry…listen,” Regina moved to plate the toast and pour them coffee. “Today isn’t a good day,” she looked at the time. It was only six in the morning. She was going to have to sort a few things out by email if she planned to not go in the office. “Something has come up, and Emma and I have something we need to do.”

It sounded too vague, but if she were being honest with herself, what she and Emma were supposed to do about Ruby was a complete mystery to her. Whatever the case, they wouldn’t be doing anything until Emma regained her strength. She’d need the day to recover.

“Aw!” Henry moaned into the phone, and Regina heard a sudden cacophony of horns and screeching tires on his end of the line.

“Where are you?” she asked.

“Oh, there’s a payphone near Mercy Hell.”

Regina nearly dropped the coffee. “Did you sneak out?” she asked, not realizing her voice had turned up in volume several notches, and Emma’s head snapped up to look at her in alarm. Snapped up as much as was physically possible for her.

“How else am I s’psed to call?” he argued.

“Henry! Get back inside. Emma and I will call you later, okay? No more sneaking out.”

With a defeated affirmation, Henry hung up the phone, and Regina sighed as she sat next to Emma with their breakfast.

“He wanted to come over,” she explained. “I guess school has a snow day.”

To her surprise, Emma snorted a laugh. Before she can ask what was so funny, the phone rang again. Emma picked it up again. “Seriously, kid? You tried the snow day thing with…?” but she stopped. Regina heard the muffled voice of somebody sounding much older than nine on the other end as she watched Emma’s eyes get wider, her face losing any color that had been left. “Where?” she asked. The way her voice sounded scared Regina, and she felt her heart stop. “Send me the address,” Emma said. “I’ll be there.”

She took the phone away from her ear, and just stared at nothing, processing.

“What? What is it?” Regina asked, toast and coffee forgotten on the table.

Emma looked to Regina, and the expression in her eyes was something Regina would never forget.

“The police. They found Ruby’s car.”

***

Regina was freezing, trying to keep her shivering under control, but looking at her partner, it was as if Emma couldn’t feel anything at all.

Maybe she couldn’t.

Her skin was ashen, her eyes sunk into her skull as if she hadn’t slept in weeks. And the eyes themselves were still glassy with the fog of the night before. But there had been no talking Emma out of it. The Boston police were given a report: Ruby’s car had been found ransacked and abandoned just outside of New York City, in a town nobody had ever heard of called Terrytown.

The drive down had been long and silent, Emma on her laptop searching furiously for anything she could find about the village and all the others on the way, pulling up local reports about suspicious activity. When they reached their destination, Emma took charge by introducing herself to the local police, flashing her private investigator badge and the information from the Boston officer who had connected them.

“It was called in this morning,” the older officer said as he pulled up his utility belt. “We don’t get a ton of weird stuff here. This place is full of quiet little retired neighborhoods. So, people see a car with all the doors open and practically stripped, they’re gunna call it in.”

It was hard to tell if Emma was listening. She had her eyes plastered to Ruby’s mustang, now barely recognizable. The hubcaps were missing from the two tires left, the license plates were gone, windows were smashed, and there was endless amounts of junk and papers strewn around the inside as if somebody had been living in it for months. Regina shivered, and this time, not from the cold. Ruby would be horrified to see her beloved car in this state. It was her baby, her pride and joy. She impressed her subs by taking them out for rides in it all the time.

Regina had that same sense that things simply could not be happening as they were. A few hours ago, their lives had been one way, and now were abruptly flipped to quite another. Even last night, it hadn’t been clear whether or not Ruby had had anything terrible happen to her. Now, looking at the disarray of her beloved car, there seemed to be no denying it.

She figured Emma was having the same thoughts.

“Couldn’t run the plates, obviously, but we found the registration inside. It was pretty much the only thing where it should have been. Came up as missing from the Boston area. Guess that’s where you all come in.”

“I put in the report last night,” Emma said, and her voice rang familiar to Regina as she tried to place it. It didn’t take her long; she’d sounded the exact same was when they had been speaking to Mr. Duncan at Mercy House. That cold, distant, ghost of her Emma. “Wasn’t expecting something back so soon.”

Having no way to know that Emma had any personal attachment to the case, the officer shrugged. “Well, we will process it today. It might take some time. There’s a huge mess inside.”

Just then, another car pulled up, and Regina saw Graham and August get out. They flashed their badges to the police officer the same as Emma, and Regina saw his brows jump up his forehead. “Three private detectives on this case? What, is she a senator’s daughter or something?”

Emma let out a humorless snort, which only made the police officer look more confused, while Graham stepped in with his handy police rhetoric. “Let’s just say that there is a lot of vested interest in what happens to Miss Lucas. She has friends in high places.”

True and not true, Regina thought. Ruby had friends in law enforcement, and that was enough, it seemed, never mind that everyone that really had a vested interest with any clout was standing right in front of him already.

“Who called it in?” Emma asked, and the police officer pointed across the way to where Regina saw a charming little seaside diner. “The owner noticed the car here when she opened up this morning. Doesn’t look nice for her patrons, she said.”

When they thanked the officer, Regina turned to go back to their car, but Emma began walking the opposite direction. When the two realized they were on separate paths, they stopped and looked at one another. “Where are you going?” Regina asked.

Emma gave her the Mills Family look, that Regina was noting she was getting far too good at. “The diner. I want to talk to the owner.”

Nodding, Regina began to follow. “Once we get home, I think you need to get some more rest.”

She heard Emma sigh, and wanted desperately to take her hand, but knew Emma was in investigator mode, and resisted. “Later,” was all she said.

“Emma, I know this doesn’t seem like the time, but I’m…”

But Emma spun on her, and the look she gave Regina was something she wasn’t used to seeing. “Worried?” she asked. “Me too. I’m really worried. But for Ruby.”

“Let Graham and August do this,” Regina said softly, stepping into her space and trying to keep calm.

Emma’s expression softened as she took Regina’s hand in hers briefly, and she sighed. “I can’t. I’m sorry. I need to do this. It has to be me. She called me. She kept calling me…” but Emma trailed off there, and Regina finally reached out and took Emma’s hand anyway. The world had disappeared around them, everything else be damned. Regina was horrified at the realization of what was clearly going through Emma’s head. How had she not seen it earlier?

“Emma…”

But Emma just shook her head. “Something was wrong, but I was too busy. I didn’t have time for her. I was so focused on my own shit.”

“No, Em, this isn’t your fault,” Regina stepped closer, but Emma just shook her head again.

“It doesn’t feel like that right now,” she said, and her voice shook. “I have to do this,” she repeated. “She’s my best friend…”

Regina looked behind her, seeing August and Graham speak with the crime scene investigators, Graham handing out his business card. August gave them a little wave, but turned back to the car. How had this gone so wrong so quickly?

She knew in her gut that there wasn’t any way out of this, not for Emma, not for her. They had to see this through, and Regina resolved that she’d do anything she could if it meant helping Emma. If it meant finding Ruby…

Finally, Regina nodded. “Alright,” she conceded, turning back to her partner. “I’m with you. But I’m going to keep telling you this isn’t your fault. Because it isn’t.”

At this, Emma actually smiled. “Regina, I love you,” she said, and the genuine sound in her voice made something in Regina crack of both heartbreak and unconditional love. “No matter what happens, I just want you to know…”

“Sshh. Nothing’s going to happen. You’re going to figure this out, Em. You always do,” she brought her hands up to Emma’s cheeks, feeling the cold there, but mostly just feeling the person she loved back more than anything. Her own plans had been sidelined, unbeknownst to Emma. If it had been up to Regina, Emma would have that ring on her finger right then and there. But now wasn’t the time. It wouldn’t be fair to spring it on Emma now. It would have to wait. Until how long, Regina just didn’t know. And at the moment, that all felt like only semantics. What really mattered was finding Ruby. “But don’t shut me down,” she said. “Please. I need you to take care of yourself. And if I’m worried about you, I’m going to say it. And if you push yourself too much, I’m going to try and make you stop.”

Emma smiled again. “I know,” she whispered. “I can always count on you.”

“Always,” Regina leaned forward and kissed Emma briefly.

“Okay. Let me do this. Let me have today. And then we’ll go home. Okay?”

The door to the diner set a bell off, and several of the patrons inside looked up as they saw the people who had been at the scene across the street come inside their local watering hole. Emma asked for the owner who had called it in, and the woman behind the counter who was cleaning a glass scoffed. “I’m the only one here. Always.” She had coarse voice, and looked like she really hadn’t taken off her restaurant apron in several years.

Emma was back in investigator mode, and she casually leaned over the diner bar, flashing her badge. “When did you first notice it?” she asked.

The woman shrugged, seeming to not be very interested in the exchange or the subject. “I get here at four to start the pies and bread. It was here when I was. Looked like a damn bomb went off in it. Folks don’t abandon cars out here too often. That’s the kinda stuff that happens in the city,” she nodded her head in the distance as if to point out New York just a few miles off.

“See anyone around here lately looking weird?”

At this, the woman chuckled. “If by weird you mean not from around here, no. This is a summer town. Only locals in the dead of winter. Too damned cold. I’d know if somebody was from outa town. Didn’t see nobody with it, by it, in it, nothin’,” she drawled.

Emma reached into her red jacket and pulled out a picture. Regina was startled to see a smiling Ruby, and she didn’t know why. She wasn’t expecting it, she supposed, and hadn’t noticed Emma taking it with them. But Emma had come prepared. She was a pro. Regina smiled inwardly; she didn’t get to see Emma like this often. Her girl was in her element.

“You recognize her?” she asked as the woman looked over the picture. “She’s tall, real skinny. She’d stand out.”

The woman’s brows lifted up, and an impressed look came across her face. “That she would. Pretty little thing. Never seen her.”

Regina felt for herself and saw the flash of disappointment on Emma’s face, but it only lasted a moment before she shook it off. Emma wasn’t going to act like she had a personal interest here. Not in front of a potential witness.

“You girls from the city?” the woman asked conversationally, and again she nodded her head in the direction of New York.

“Boston,” Emma replied, putting Ruby’s picture back in her inner pocket.

“Boston, huh?” the woman humphed. “That where that girl’s from?”

Emma nodded.

“That her car?”

“Yes,” Emma answered. “And nobody has seen her in several days.”

The woman made the same noise and shook her head. “Shame,” she said without emotion. “Sorry I can’t help more.”

Emma took out a business card and handed it over. “If you can think of anything at all, give me a call. Yeah?”

“Yup,” the woman grunted, still busying herself with cleaning coffee mugs and glasses.

They went to several other little shops in the area, but nobody had any information. It was as if the car had been beamed from the sky and plopped right in the middle of their little town and nobody was any the wiser as to how.

They were at it for several hours when Emma finally relented that there wasn’t much to go on, and they could begin their journey home with her phone rang. Taking it out of her pocket and checking the caller ID, Emma answered it. “August. What’s up. You still at the scene?”

Regina heard the garbled voice on the other end, and had a sick sense of déjà vu when Emma’s face turned ashen again. They had been walking down a cobblestone street heading back to Regina’s Mercedes, but Emma’s feet stopped working and she planted right where she was. “Are you fucking serious?” her voice was almost shrill, and as Regina stopped with her, she found herself clutching Emma’s arm.

“What?” she nearly gasped, unable to hold in her worry. Had somebody found Ruby? Was she okay? What if they had found blood in the car or a weapon or…

So many thoughts flashed through her head at such a lightening pace that she couldn’t find a way to verbalize her panic. Emma didn’t answer as she listened to more of what August was saying. She made eye contact with Regina for the first time as she listened, and then growled into the phone. “Listen to me, August. I don’t care what you have to do, but get ahold of it. Call Boston. Whatever. But we need it. I’ll be there in five.” She hung up the phone, and Regina had to consciously unlatch from Emma’s arm. She’d been putting too much pressure there. Emma didn’t seem to notice.

“Emma, what is it?” she asked.

“They found a letter. In the car.” Emma said, her voice monotone to the point of scaring Regina. She could see Emma processing.

Shaking her head, Regina fought with herself to shake answers out of her. “What does that mean, a note?”

Emma swallowed. “My case. Lily Page.”

Again, Regina shook her head. Riddles again. Like when Emma and Henry talked to each other: she only understood half of the words. “Emma, what are you talking about?”

“She’s a missing college student in Boston. Her mom hired me. She’s been gone for weeks. A few days ago, her mom called me. Somebody put a letter in her mailbox. Said they knew what happened to her daughter. They said they’d find her. To not worry. It was typed. I wouldn’t have known.”

“Emma, what the hell are you…”

But Emma cut her off. “They just found a copy of that letter in Ruby’s car.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I won't have an update next weekend, so sorry for the cliff hanger. It's going to be a crazy week here in my house (my mom's coming to visit...aaaahhhh!) so I won't have a lot of time to write/edit. I'll try for that Wednesday. 
> 
> Hope this chapter was okay. Lots of love to you all.


	11. Free Falling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's been lots of plot recently, so I'm here to let you know that there is way more fluff in the next couple of chapters coming your way. 
> 
> ***Trigger warning for some light drug use in this chapter***

_Six months earlier_

“Christ, this pot sucks,” Zelena blew out the smoke as she stared at the ceiling. She was laying on her back in her bed, winding down from an especially long day at the office. Her newest patient was a teenager who had attempted suicide, and she’d had to pull all the stops out on that one. Even Archie was checking in with her to see how she was coping. It wasn’t completely uncommon to have suicidal clients, but they still did a number on her.

She couldn’t help but think of her father.

It felt good to just veg out with Ruby. They’d started by ordering a pizza and watching a cheap horror movie, but that had been hours ago. She hadn’t mentioned the suicidal teen to her roommate. Why bother? She wanted to spend the night forgetting about him, ignoring her father’s memory knocking at her door. Telling Ruby would steal away her evening of escape. It was better this way.

Ruby scoffed. “What do you know about pot? You went to college in England.”

Zelena rolled her eyes. “They have marijuana in England, mate. Quite a lot of it in fact. And it’s better than this shite.”

“Go easy on me, Doctor,” Ruby chuckled. “I’ve had this joint sitting around for like a year. I haven’t touched this stuff in ages.”

“Didn’t think you were much of a pot girl,” Zelena mumbled as she took one last hit before handing it back to Ruby, who did the same and then threw the rest of the joint in an ashtray on Zelena’s bedside table.

“Nah,” Ruby said as she exhaled. “When was the last time you smoked?”

“College,” Zelena answered, and as she suspected, Ruby laughed.

“Jesus. And you still make fun of my stuff?”

“Quality, not quantity, Mistress Lucas,” she giggled. She did have a nice pleasant buzz going. Whether it was mostly the wine, she didn’t know. She certainly felt floatier than she usually did while just drunk.

Ruby was quiet for a moment, however, propping herself up to regard Zelena in the same way Zelena was looking at her. “So, pot you can do in, apparently, vast moderation. But not alcohol?”

The question made Zelena wince, and for a moment, she was frozen in her space. The only person that was still in her life and had mentioned her drinking, was August. But even he only made small inuendoes or references that could have been shrugged off.

Well, this was fucking awkward. Not unexpected, exactly, but awkward. It was always hard to keep her drinking habits from those she’d lived with. It was one of the reasons she’d really enjoyed living alone in New York. But she liked living with Ruby. Ruby was fun, and vibrant, and mellow. She didn’t give a shit that Zelena never slept, because she hardly slept herself. She wasn’t fussy about the dishes or the dusting. She wasn’t nosey and didn’t judge Zelena about August or how she left single bites of leftovers in the fridge or left her laundry in the dryer for three days. And, until now, she’d never mentioned how Zelena polished off a bottle of wine and then sum every evening.

Even now, Ruby’s tone wasn’t accusatory. Maybe curious. Christ, maybe even conversational. It eased the tension.

That being said, Ruby was Emma’s best friend. Now that could be problematic.

At her non-response, Ruby gave her a lopsided smile, and shrugged. “It’s okay. It’s just a question.”

Zelena laid back again, eyes boring into the ceiling in deep thought. Ruby, however, seemed unaffected by her sudden silence. That made her smile inwardly, if only slightly. Ruby wasn’t one to get flustered easily. “Helps me think…” Zelena said simply, mulling the words over after they left her lips. They sounded stupid, even to her. She knew that. But what the fuck was she supposed to say?

“How so?” Ruby probed, the way she asked was genuine curiosity. She would make a good psychiatrist, Zelena thought, amused.

She shrugged. “Dunno. I guess I always have so many thoughts all at once. It helps me slow them down.”

Ruby made a noncommittal noise to that and followed Zelena’s lead to lay back. She reached for the joint and put it to her lips. Zelena listened to the sound of the paper burning and the intake of breath.

“Tying people up helps me think,” Ruby said, and Zelena felt a huge rush of relief. Ruby was not interested in interrogating her; she was comparing notes.

“You can’t tell Emma,” she said quietly, still staring at the ceiling and feeling a huge lump in her throat. It wasn’t just the horrifying idea of Emma looking at her differently. Emma would surely tell Regina. And that was just something Zelena couldn’t handle.

It would bloody well serve Regina right though, Zelena sometimes thought darkly whenever her mind trailed to her sister. If she ever learned of it, so many pieces would click together, and Regina would feel like the idiot she was. In a strange way, she was bitter her sister hadn’t ever noticed.

_Jesus, change the subject. Stop daydreaming about stupid kids’ stuff._

Ruby just chuckled. “I’m not telling Emma shit. You’re an adult.”

Feeling more relief, Zelena propped herself up and turned Ruby’s way. “Okay, my turn. What do you love the most about being a domme?” As she asked, Ruby gave a loud _ugh_ noise, and Zelena pointed in her face. “And don’t give me that bullshit cliché answer of “I love the trust!” she put in quotes, laughing.

Ruby, scoffed louder and rolled her eyes. “God, that’s such a head doctor question!”

“Come on!”

Ruby’s laugh died down as she exclaimed, “Alright! Because. It feels so fucking _free_. I feel like our lives start out preparing us to become suits in a board room, and then the next forty years you spend in said board room worrying about taxes and rent. But for a few hours you can let all that bullshit that’s holding you back go and do something that most people don’t have the guts to do. And yeah, there’s trust involved, but that’s nothing compared to the giant middle finger you’re throwing at the rules of life. You aren’t ‘supposed’ to like it, whatever the hell that means. You aren’t ‘supposed’ to crave power or submission, and even if you do, you aren’t supposed to act on them. Especially sexually! And half of the time it doesn’t even end up sexual, but it still makes you feel so fucking alive!”

Zelena watched in fascination as Ruby’s eyes flared with excitement, her wolfish grin spread across her face, showing just how much she relished the idea. In that moment, Ruby looked more alive than ever just talking about it. And it occurred to Zelena that Ruby was probably the freest person she’d ever met. Christ, she really was fucking amazing.

Sighing, she gestured for Ruby to hand her the joint, and she took the last hit that was left before it cashed out.

“I don’t know if I’ve ever done anything quite that exciting,” Zelena sighed.

“Oh please,” Ruby giggled and pivoted again to prop her head up and look Zelena in the eye. “I have a hard time believing you’ve never done anything against the status quo.”

Shrugging, Zelena bit her bottom lip, suddenly nervous to have Ruby watching her so intently.

Nervous? What the hell for? This was Ruby. Maybe it was the pot. It had been a while since she’d smoked. She forgot it could sometimes make her overthink things. “I dated a couple of girls in college, had a few one-night stands. That’s about it. I wouldn’t call those things very adventurous, really.”

Ruby scoffed good-humoredly. “Depends on who you ask.”

“If you asked my mother, they would be.”

“And what about you?” Ruby asked, and Zelena heard her tone change at the same time she saw a shift in her eyes. Just a little one. Something reminiscent of a flirt, but not quite. Besides, Ruby wouldn’t flirt with her. They wouldn’t flirt with each other. “Would you consider those things adventurous?”

Zelena found herself laughing. “Not really. No.”

That grin again. “So where’s your sense of adventure, Doctor?”

For a moment, Zelena wondered exactly that. Looking at Ruby now, she began to think back and analyze just what had she done that was against her version of the status quo. Well, she’d become a psychiatrist for one. Her mother had nearly murdered her. She was supposed to be the shining child, the rising political star, the one Cora could count on to uphold the family name. That, until very recently, had been the rebellious torch she had carried around with pride. But in the past year or so, her mother had taken a very different stance on life, had seemed to simply like Zelena for Zelena. Up until this very moment, she hadn’t realized that and what it meant for her choices in life.

Well god damn. What had she done? Was she that fucking boring? And if so, was it too late to fix it? Looking at Ruby now, this beautiful, bright, funny woman, she felt alive. Ruby was _alive_! She was brilliant and took risks, she was without a plan and that seemed really fucking thrilling just then.

“What do you suggest?” she said, giving Ruby a grin back that meant she was game. Maybe that was the booze talking, maybe the bone-try pot that had done fuck-all except make her feet feel lighter. Whatever it was, the way Ruby was looking at her now made her feel such a pinch of that spirit she suddenly craved.

If possible, Ruby’s grin widened. “Ever heard of Shibari?

***

_Present Day_

Regina didn’t like this idea. At all. But she had learned a long time ago: if Emma found a scent, it was best to let her sniff it out than try to reign in the leash.

Besides, if Emma was going to put this plan forward, she was at least doing it the right way. Regina had a not-so-pleasant sense of déjà vu as they all sat in the coffee shop. Emma had her notepad out, Tilly was making sure everyone had coffee despite the late hour, August was taking his own notes, and Zelena was making her exasperated scoffs.

Nodding importantly and giving themselves assignments were Anna and Will, who had dived right into co-conspiring with zest, Elsa and Robin giving each other weary looks in comradery that they were about to have very feisty and difficult Littles on their hands.

Zelena had looked better, but Regina wasn’t going to say anything. She looked like she hadn’t slept in days, which was probably true at most times, but now she looked as though she’d been skipping meals on top of it and hadn’t bothered to put on any makeup to hide the rings under her eyes. This couldn’t have been easy on her, Regina thought. She and Ruby had become very close. She needed to keep an eye on her sister, she decided. At the very least, they needed to talk.

“Absolute secrecy. I mean it,” Emma said as she gave Anna a pointed look.

“What!?” Anna shrieked. “I’m not gunna squeal. Him though…” she darted accusing eyes at Will, and the two began to slap and mumble insults at each other. Robin and Elsa were ready for it, grabbing both of their Littles and separating them.

“You guys!” Emma exclaimed, surprising Regina. She wasn’t used to seeing Emma claim a room. But times were turning very, very desperate. Everyone else seemed to be stunned too. They all froze. “I need you to focus. I’m serious about this. If we can’t all pull together, Ruby doesn’t stand a chance.”

At those words, both Anna and Will stopped what they were doing, and stood solemnly. Anna turned deadly serious, and a new tone in her voice arose, one that Regina had only heard a couple of times when she and Emma had gone out with their friends drinking as four adults. “I’m with you, Em. We’ll help.”

“Me too,” Will nodded.

And so with everyone’s attention, Emma laid out the history, and the plan. She recapped what she had already pulled together: that Lily Page had gone missing several weeks ago, and nobody knew where. She had no friends that her mother knew of, and had lied about where she was going after work. Based on what her boss had said, Emma had her suspicions that Lily had been frequenting some of the local BDSM clubs, or at least had ties in the scene, but Emma had had no proof or verifications. That was, of course, until the letter that had shown up at Mal Page’s house had been tied to Ruby. They had not only found a copy of the letter in Ruby’s car, but Zelena had found a stash of envelopes in the apartment that matched the one the original letter had been inside. Ruby knew Lilith Page. More importantly, Ruby knew what had happened to Lilith Page, and now it was Emma’s job to find out how. Now, with Ruby missing, that might be easier said than done.

So, Emma had devised a plan; one she hoped would find both Lily and Ruby. She needed to investigate Ruby’s more underground involvement. The individuals in the room with them now were their close-tied friends, people who were also heavily involved in The Scene, and none of them had a clue to go on about what had happened. That meant that whatever it was had happened behind the scenes. But they had an advantage: they were already comfortable in that world that Ruby had been so involved in and had most likely been her downfall.

“Then the plan is to go undercover,” Emma said. “And when I say undercover, I mean it. That means no telling our friends. Not Mulan, not Aurora, Philip, Ashley, Sean, or Belle.”

“Belle!?” Tilly piped up, incredulous. “You think Belle has something to do with this?”

“I didn’t say that. What I’m saying is that she may know people who have secrets, and our job is to find Ruby. Not pick favorites. Not with any of them.”

“This is a big group already,” Killian said, sounding defeated. “How do we know it isn’t any of us that has information?”

Emma sat back, and Regina felt a surge of panic rush through her. He was right, of course. It could be anyone. Already in the room with them was Will and Robin, Tilly and Margot, Elsa and Anna, Mary Margaret and David, Killian, August, Zelena, and she and Emma. It was a big crowd.

Zelena gave a scoff. “If one of you in this room knows something and are keeping it from us, I pity the future you. Everyone here knows Emma’s going to find out what’s going on. And when she does, there’ll be hell to pay.”

“What can David and I do, Em?” Mary Margaret said, holding her belly. Regina winced. Mary Margaret wanted to help, but she was about ready to pop. The timing couldn’t be worse for her.

“There’s chatter around that you and David like to watch. Go to Eye Candy, get a few private dances. Nobody will think it’s weird. Buy a lot of drinks for the performers, loosen them up, and ask questions. Just don’t make it obvious you’re asking questions. You up for that?”

Regina saw Mary Margaret square herself, and she nodded. If there was anyone more determined here to find Ruby, it would be Mary Margaret. “We’re up for it.”

David gave a lopsided grin. “We’ve got this, kid,” he assured Emma.

Emma turned her attention to her Little friends. “Anna, I want you focused on Ingrid. She likes you. Get her chatting, see if she mentions anything. But be careful not to talk about Ruby too often. Elsa, try to pull Anna back from her, and make it public. I want Ingrid to see you two fighting about the attention she’s giving Anna.”

“Oh, we can pull that one off,” Elsa gave Anna a sly smile and winked.

“Do it with me, Em,” Anna said. “She likes you too, and she loves driving Regina crazy.”

At this, that wince in Regina’s chest turned into a blazing hot spike. “No,” she blurted out, a reflex more than a thought.

Emma turned to her, a questioning look. But Regina stood her ground. “Absolutely not.”

“Regina…” Emma started.

“Emma,” but she stopped. Suddenly, she wished the entire room were cleared out, and it was just the two of them. The thoughts racing through her mind were deafening. She gave one quick look to her sister, Elsa, and then back to her partner. “Can I talk to you in private?” she stood. “Now?” She kept her tone kind, but instructive. She needed Emma to sense her urgency.

She saw a flash in Emma’s eyes, and Emma nodded. She walked to the far corner of the empty café, Emma hot on her heels, and crossed her arms over her chest. Turning to Emma, she kept her voice low so that the others couldn’t hear. “I don’t like this.”

Emma sighed. “Regina, we have to figure out…”

“No,” Regina cut her off, raising a hand and taking a breath to steady herself. “Emma, listen to me. You want to go under cover in The Scene. Fine. I’m with you. But undercover means you’ll be who you always are there. Which means you’ll be in Headspace.”

“ _Pretending_ to be in Headspace,” Emma countered, but Regina was already shaking her head.

“And that doesn’t worry you? Emma, you’ve never tried anything like that before. And I know you. I’m your Caregiver. It’s my job to know you inside and out. You’re not like Anna or Will or Tilly. You’re shy. You’re attached to my hip. You are not an outgoing Little. And that’s when you aren’t put in uncomfortable positions. You want to be in Headspace and try to manipulate _Ingrid_? I’m sorry, but I promised to keep you safe. That isn’t safe.”

Emma was watching her intently, and Regina could see her soaking up the words. She began chewing on her inner cheek, and Regina knew when she saw that that she had gotten through. Emma looked away as she nodded thoughtfully. “You’re right,” she said. “I’ve never done anything like that before.”

Stepping closer, Regina uncrossed her arms and took Emma’s hands in hers. “Baby, look at me,” she whispered. Emma’s eyes trailed to hers, and Regina had to fight to keep tears away. “It isn’t just your Littlespace I’m protecting. You’re under so much stress. If you push yourself and add another layer…”

“Regina, if I don’t act, I’ll really lose it,” Emma cut in, and Regina felt Emma squeeze her hands. “You have to let me try.”

The worry that Regina was feeling settled deep inside her, nearly breaking something in her chest. Because she knew that was true. She knew Emma had to do something. And if she were honest with herself, she needed to do something too. Ruby was Emma’s best friend, but she was also one of Regina’s closest friends. She hadn’t allowed it to hit her yet, because she was so focused on Emma, but deep down she knew that was a coping mechanism. Once it hit her, it was going to knock her over. The idea that somebody had hurt Ruby was driving her insane with worry, made her angry beyond compare, and heartbroken.

And now another worry; her Little One wanted to put herself in harm’s way. Every instinct in Regina’s body screamed at her to protect Emma. Emma may be attached to Regina’s hip when she was Little, but Regina was nothing if not a protective Mama Bear. When Emma was in Littlespace, helicopter parent didn’t even begin to cover it. That was their dynamic. It worked for them. Despite all of that, she knew if they were going to find Ruby, some grounds needed to be shook.

It wasn’t just the idea that Emma wanted to try something new in her headspace. There was still the question of what had happened to Ruby and Lily. Whatever it was, it meant that there was a predator in their midst. The idea of Emma diving headlong into the lion’s den? Regina felt sick at the thought.

“I am going to be right there. Watching you. Even when you can’t see me,” she finally said. “And the second, I mean the very _second_ I sense you’re not okay, I’m taking you out of there. Do you understand?”

Emma was nodding before Regina had even finished the sentence. “Yes.”

“I mean it, Emma. I call the shots, I make the decision. I say so, we leave. No arguments. None.”

As she said this, Emma’s grin returned, and it got wider and wider. “I wouldn’t expect anything less.”

Will and Robin were put in charge of general inquiries, under the guise that Will was a huge brat that liked to throw tantrums, and Robin needed to keep him under control. They worked out separate nights to not only go to The Dungeon and Eye Candy, but also the little hole in the wall club in Southie that Emma had visited before. Will seemed positive he would be able to ruffle some feathers at the very least, and catch people off guard to maybe get a few things out of them about underground happenings or any whispers of Ruby or Lilith Page.

Margot and Tilly were told to keep an eye out and their ears on the ground from Ruby’s closer friends like Sean and Ashely, Philip and Aurora, and Mulan and Belle.

Killian was in charge of finding any underground get-togethers similar to Ruby Nights, and he smiled. “Plenty of those. I’ll go to as many as possible.”

Zelena rolled her eyes. “Much to your chagrin.”

When it was finally time to go home for the evening, Regina took her sister’s arm in the parking lot. “Why don’t you come and stay with us tonight?” she asked.

She saw hesitation in Zelena’s eyes. “I…”

“Come on, ZeeZee,” Emma came up to Zelena’s other side and took her opposite arm. “I’m sure you could use the company.”

Regina saw her sister’s face light up as she looked at Emma, and she grinned inwardly. Emma always knew how to melt Zelena. Still, she was reluctant as she gave Emma her best apologetic tone. “Maybe another night, Dove,” she reasoned.

At that moment, August walked passed them, but though he exchanged a smile with Emma, he and Zelena didn’t even acknowledge each other. Regina’s hackles went up, and she eyed her sister closely. “Zee, is…?”

“I’m fine, Bun,” Zelena interjected. And then to both of them, “Look, not tonight. How about tomorrow when you come home from The Dungeon, I’ll come over. Yeah?”

Regina was about to argue, but stopped herself when she recognized the look of resolve on her sister’s face. Despite everything going on, Zelena wanted to be alone.

“Okay. But promise me tomorrow night,” she said.

Zelena’s eyes didn’t brighten at the prospect, but she nodded dutifully, and then brought Emma into a bear hug. “You get some rest, Dove,” she said in Emma’s ear. Regina watched Emma hug Zelena back and nod. When they pulled apart, Zelena took Emma’s chin in her hand and smiled. “Promise Auntie. And please practice your breathing. Okay? I’ll see you tomorrow.”

***

Emma was quiet all the way home, and Regina with her. When Regina finally closed their door behind them, she smiled at Emma. “Why don’t we get in our pajamas, and then you pick out a book. Okay?”

Emma hesitated. That sounded good. Really, really good. But she had a problem. Emma had slept most of the night before due to sheer exhaustion, but she had woken up early, and hit the ground running. She had needed to. There was so much to do after she had fulfilled her promise to get some rest.

She knew she needed to wind herself down from her plotting and detective mode. She had spent the whole day running around, speaking with Mal Page to get every last detail she could, going to the police station to discuss any other findings in Ruby’s car and getting them to link the two cases, and going over the plans with August. The police, thankfully, were taking the case more seriously with the discovery of Ruby’s destroyed and abandoned Mustang, but Emma wasn’t about to put the brakes on her own investigation. What could the police do about finding secrets in the BDSM Scene? Nothing. They all knew that if Ruby was linked to Lily, it had to do with The Scene, and no cop was going to penetrate that.

Emma had also nearly missed an appointment with Neil Cassidy, the family lawyer Regina had set her up with. She’d just made it in the nick of time, hair ruffled and face flushed, out of breath from the so far full day.

Neil Cassidy had a soft face and a calming voice, and he seemed sharp enough. He ran through some legal rights with Emma based on whether or not she would be the biological sister of Henry.

“Do I have to take a DNA test?” Emma had asked.

He shrugged. “Possible, but I doubt it. If both you and Henry have the same mother on your birth certificates, then the legal documentation is already in place. Are you looking for full guardianship, or…”

“No,” Emma answered so quickly that she saw Cassidy start. He gave her a queer look. “No, uh…” she tried to smooth over the awkward moment with a smile, but she wasn’t sure she was succeeding. Sighing, she broke the confused gaze he was giving her. “Look, um, I don’t really know this kid. I just found out I had a brother really, and I just feel like…”

Finally, Cassidy was smiling, “Like maybe taking custody of him would be rushing things a bit?”

Relief washed over Emma once she realized that he wasn’t judging this decision. “Yeah. Pretty much.”

Cassidy’s smile widened at that. “It may feel like that is cold, but it’s smart. Especially for children in the system. They get moved around so much. Taking them on without truly considering what that means could ultimately lead to disaster.”

Emma couldn’t help it. She laughed. “Believe me, I’m aware.”

Shrugging, the family lawyer took out a notebook and pen. “Let me just get some information. Who you are, who Henry is, and what you’re looking to accomplish if you decide to hire me?”

Emma swallowed, suddenly wishing that she had brought Regina with her. She wasn’t accustomed to talking about herself, much less about the things that would be prudent for Cassidy to know. And she certainly wasn’t used to discussing them with a stranger. The last time she’d done anything like that had been with Archie. But she tried. She told Cassidy about her mother, about her childhood, as briefly as she could. She told him how Henry had come into her life, and the very little of what she knew about him. He didn’t ask any prying questions, just a few for clarification, and that eased her. This man wasn’t here to judge her, he was on her side, on Henry’s. She hoped.

“So,” he put the pen down when she was done. “What is it you ultimately want to do here? How can I help you?”

“I…” Emma faltered, a myriad of thoughts rushing through her brain. _Help me get him out of there but I can’t do this right now. Regina is so scared for him._ _I can’t raise a kid._ I’m _a goddamned kid. He’s my responsibility. I don’t even know him…._

_…help me sort out these feelings._

_…Ruby…_

“Regina and I were hoping to start to get to know him. Is there any way we can, I don’t know, do visitation with him or something?”

To her surprise, Cassidy was nodding. “Yes, but it is ultimately up to his social worker. I’ll need to get ahold of them. From there, the worker can assess whether or not there’s any reason you may not be fit to have visitation.”

“Not be fit?!” Emma cut in, her jaw dropping in incredulity. “It’s just for dinner and outings!”

But Cassidy was only nodding, as if agreeing with her anger. “I get it. But the social worker has a job, and that’s to keep Henry safe. There are a lot of children who have family members that aren’t great people for them to be around, and giving them visitation can lead to a lot of problems. But don’t worry about that. I’m not foreseeing that to be a big issue here. If everything you’ve told me about yourself is true, I don’t foresee a problem with his case worker. And ultimately, they prefer the child spends time with family. People that are denied visitation are people that abuse drugs, have known domestic violence in the house, or are a kidnapping risk. That sort of thing. It’s a step we have to take, but I don’t think it will be a problem.”

Feeling a little pit in her stomach, Emma swallowed. “What about mental health?”

At this, he raised his eyebrows. “Mental health?”

“Yeah,” she found herself looking away. “You know, like if somebody was unfit because of their mental health?”

He was quiet for a minute, and she could see out of the corner of her eye him giving her a once over. “That depends on the mental health. People that become violent might be taken into consideration. But if you’re just talking about things like depression, bipolar disorder, not likely. Millions of people suffer from these things and aren’t a danger to themselves or others.”

“And Dissociative Identity Disorder…?”

Cassidy again didn’t seem perturbed. I had assured Emma that if she was being treated and she hadn’t been deemed a danger to herself or others, it shouldn’t influence whether she got to see her brother.

_Her brother._

Emma had a brother. She had family. But another part of her family had disappeared. Ruby was more than her best friend. They’d grown up together. They were sisters. But if Emma wanted to help either Ruby or Henry, she had to keep her health in check.

And that was just so easy, wasn’t it? It was always so easy for people to lecture her about doing this and about doing that to stay sane, like it was a simple math equation to solve that they all knew the formula for. But they didn’t know. None of them knew. They couldn’t just ask her to slow down or calm down or breathe or meditate and expect her to follow suit. Expect her to be okay. None of them understood how much work all of that was. Especially when she didn’t have the option to run around all day and sort out problems. It was so much harder when all was quiet at home to get her head to comply.

But Regina understood. She didn’t just tell Emma this or that and expect her to follow through and figure it out on her own. She went through it _with_ Emma. She breathed with her, meditated with her, talked to her about her drawings and journals. Regina made sure Emma ate but didn’t force too much. When Emma couldn’t sleep, Regina held her and talked or sang to her until she could. When Emma had nightmares, Regina stayed awake with her and chased them away.

Emma felt a hand on her cheek, snapping her out of her reverie. She was back in their apartment now. The day was done. It was time to try and live in the torture in her head.

Her forehead touched Regina’s, and she heard a soft whisper. “Time out, my love.”

How did Regina know how to make it so simple? How did she know what to do every single time? Superpower. Mama had superpowers. This was where Emma knew she could be safe.

And for the first time in two days, Emma began to cry. She felt the weight on her chest, that cold sensation that always came before and after an attack. It began to hurt, get heavy, the burden of it like a horrible curse taking over her body.

“You’re alright, my darling. Mama’s here.”

Emma held onto those words, buried her face deep into Mama’s shoulder, clutching her lifeline. “I’m sorry,” she sputtered, and she wasn’t sure why she said it. Maybe she felt like a burden, maybe she could sense Regina was suffering too, maybe she felt like she needed to do more, fix everything right now.

“Sshh. Emma…sshh.”

Emma felt warm hands rub down her back with purpose, soothing her lungs to try and calm them. They felt so abused, like she had been under water far too long. Mama just held Emma close, let her cry on her shoulder, kissed her head. She let Emma cry for a long while, just getting all of it out, this overwhelming hurt and confusion and guilt.

Slowly but surely, Emma caught her breath. The sobs came, but less frequently. Her chest lightened; her lungs felt reprieve. Finally, Mama pulled away, and even though she had her own tears, she was smiling. “Come,” she said, taking Emma’s hand. And Emma didn’t ask any questions or wonder where they were going. She just let herself be led.

They ended up in the kitchen, which was not her favorite place just then, but she didn’t say anything as she was hoisted up onto the counter to sit. She hiccupped through a sob as Mama washed her hands in the sink, and then took the paper towel she’d used to dry them off to Emma’s face. She wiped gently at Emma’s tears, under Emma’s nose. The cool, wet cloth felt good on her hot skin, and Mama was so gentle.

“There we go,” Mama said softly. That magic voice that told Emma everything was okay now. “Good girl, Little One.”

A few small words, and Emma found herself smiling. She sat wordlessly as Mama busied herself in the fridge, taking out items and chopping up vegetables. She watched as Mama made herself a small, colorful salad, checking in with Emma every minute or so, saying a kind word to her. When she was done, she took out yogurt and honey, putting a small amount of both into a bowl and grabbing one of Emma’s colorful plastic spoons that turned different colors in her cereal.

“We’re going to have five bites,” Mama said, swirling the honey around in the yogurt. The scoop turned yellow instead of its usual green because of the cold. Emma smiled as she watched.

Rhe put the spoon down in the bowl to take Emma’s fingers out of her mouth. Emma didn’t realize she was sucking on them, but as soon as they were absent, she felt the soothing feeling they provided dissipate. She wanted her paci. She wanted her milk. She wanted to forget.

“Ready?” Mama harkened her back to the moment, scooping the yogurt onto the spoon.

Emma felt her stomach turn. She wasn’t hungry. But she knew she needed to eat. Five bites wouldn’t be too bad. She nodded hesitantly.

The spoon was brought to her mouth, and Emma took a careful bite. Thankfully, Mama didn’t try her usual tactic of forcing the whole spoonful in to make Emma eat all of it. She let Emma take her time and choose the amount. It wasn’t a lot, even by her own standards, but it was allowed. As she mulled the honeyed yogurt over in her mouth, Mama stood patiently, getting another small scoop ready but not hurrying the process.

Emma forced herself to swallow, and felt her stomach nearly reject the food before it even made its way down. But she squared herself.

“Just a little bit more this time,” Mama said as she held another spoonful to Emma’s lips. As Emma opened to take another tentative bite, she repeated in a whisper, “Little bit more. That’s my girl.”

The encouragement helped. Emma could focus on the words and soothing tone, and it distracted her enough to not pay so much attention to the horrible feeling in her stomach. To her surprise, it worked well enough that she didn’t feel so awful when she swallowed the second bite down. She smiled to herself. All she had to do was focus on Mama, listen to her, do what Mama said, and she would be fine. It would distract her enough to not feel so many awful feelings.

She met Mama’s eyes then, fully attentive now, hanging on her every movement, every word. Mama looked up, and must have seen the change, because she smiled widely and cooed. “Hi, babygirl. I’ve missed you.”

Emma felt her cheeks redden as she smiled back.

“Number three. Ready?”

Giving a little nod, Emma opened her mouth and let the next spoonful in. She took the whole amount, and as she felt a slight moment of panic at taking such a big bite, she was distracted again. “Good job, baby. You’re doing so good.”

Emma put her hands out to grab onto Mama’s shirt gently. She needed to latch onto that voice, those movements if she was going to survive the night. “Mama, can I have milkies?”

A chuckle escaped Mama’s lips as she scooped up another spoonful. “Yes. But first, we need to finish our yogurt. Then you can have juice and draw while Mama eats. Then jammies. Then milkies. Okay?”

Emma grunted, dissatisfied. That all sounded like a lot of stuff in between milkies. And she really felt right then that she needed all the quiet time she could get. And milkies was the best way to get it.

She must have sounded real upset because Mama tutted. “Number four,” she said with a spoonful coming towards Emma’s mouth. She opened her own to show Emma what to do, and Emma followed. “Almost done,” Mama announced, and Emma kicked her feet against the counters in excitement that she’d really done it. When the last spoonful went in, Mama put down the bowl and grabbed hold of both Emma’s cheeks. “Five whole bites! What a good girl!” and pressed her lips to Emma’s.

Emma threw her arms around Mama’s neck as she felt hands begin to rub her tummy. Another kiss was placed, this time on her cheek. She was helped down from the counter and taken into the living room, where Mama sat her in front of the coffee table and kissed the top of her head. “Be right back, Little One.” And she was, placing a short bottle in front of Emma with what looked like Apple juice, and then one of her journals with some colored pencils.

Mama sat on the couch, and Emma scooted to sit on Mama’s feet, one arm wrapping around a leg and the other taking her bottle. She looked at her journal on the table wearily, but knew right then, she just needed to be distracted from her thoughts. She still needed to focus on Mama. If she stopped focusing on Mama, the demons would return.

She felt resistance where she held her bottle and realized that she had been clutching it so hard that her knuckles had gone white. Mama took it and held it up to her lips. Emma looked up to gaze into brown eyes. Mama was smiling down at her, but her eyes showed worry. It gave Emma a pang of anxiety, and she grabbed the nipple with her teeth and suckled furiously. The juice hit her tongue as she forced more and more of it.

“Emma, slow down.” A kind instruction, but an instruction. Still, Emma couldn’t bring herself to listen. She needed to be soothed, not be made to draw and focus on the terrible images in her head. The very idea of her journal had her gasping for breath. She felt the aching building up in her lungs.

But Mama gave a little laugh, and took Emma under her arms, hoisting her up on the couch. Emma clamored up, clinging to her protector. “Oh,” came the light chuckle. “My stubborn little fighter. No journals tonight? You just want Mama?”

In answer, Emma clutched harder, and was countered with an understanding coo. “Okay. But listen to me,” Mama said as she pried Emma from hanging on too tight so that they could meet each other’s eye. “We’re getting in our jammies before milkies. Okay?”

Emma nodded, fidgeting with a button on Mama’s shirt even though she knew she wasn’t going to get what she wanted right that very second.

“Okay. Up you go. Come on.”

Emma stood up and their hands clasped together as she was led to their bedroom. She was guided to sit on the bed, but when Mama walked away, she gave a cry that was muffled by her fingers. She stuffed them in her mouth and suckled desperately, eyes never leaving Mama, who seemed to be taking her time going away.

How long was she going to be sitting in this dark room alone on the bed?

Was Ruby alone? Was she scared? New York…she’d driven down to New York. Why? Or had she? What if she was still right here in Boston, within grasp, but nobody was looking for her…

“Lay back, Em.”

Emma jumped so hard, she bit down on her fingers. She made a wounded cry, and her breath caught in her throat, suffocating her. Oh god, it was hurting again! Her chest felt so cold, she thought it would burn with the freeze. A knocking in her head was so strong it began to pound. She grabbed onto the hair at her temples, squeezing her eyes shut, trying to make it go away.

“Hey. Baby!”

Hands on her own, prying them out of her own hair she’d twisted them around.

“Emma. Look at me. Right now.”

Her eyes shot open to find Regina staring at her intently. She could see the inner wheels working there. She could feel the concern in their gaze and in the way her hands were clasped tightly. And in all of it, she could see a resolution dawn on her partner’s face.

“Okay. Come here.” Regina rushed to sit on the bed and unbutton her shirt. She dragged Emma with her as she sat against the headboard, placing Emma in her lap, cradling her as she worked to free her breast.

Emma curled into Regina’s warm body like a reflex, searching those concerned eyes for a cure for her agony. Her fingers wrapped around the shirt now loosely hanging from Regina’s shoulder, and she gripped it like a vice. As she did, she felt a familiar softness pressed against her lips. Emma latched on and gave a feverish suck, and milk streamed into her mouth.

Milk that tasted like Mama smelled, like Mama felt. She could feel her, everywhere. So close they were practically one. So soft against her tongue that the world could never be as rough as it seemed. She could feel Mama breathing before, but now she felt it in her own body, vibrating into herself, steadying her own heart. The rhythm of the breaths and the steady stream of milk soothed Emma’s pounding head. The feeling of the nipple so delicate in her mouth made her nuzzle into it, grab hold of that softness. The only thing that could possibly be more soothing was the words accompanying the comfort.

“Look at me, my love.”

Emma opened her eyes, searching for the ones that were waiting patiently for hers. When they met, a smile spread across Mama’s face. She felt her hand being guided from Mama’s shirt and brought to her lips. How Mama had managed to pry Emma’s fingers free from gripping her shirt, she couldn’t figure. Until she realized they had begun to go slack. She felt light kisses on her knuckles.

“There’s my little girl. You’re making me work for it tonight, aren’t you, sweetheart?”

Emma just gazed up lazily, listening to the words, but only comprehending the tone. Letting the soothing voice wrap around her. Watching lips move before they kissed her knuckles again. In response, she suckled harder, beckoning more milk, but the noise Mama made this time wasn’t as carefree.

“Oh, baby. Gently.”

Emma made a groaning noise, vocalizing her displeasure. Displeasure at having to slow down but knowing she needed to because she didn’t want to hurt Mama. For a moment, she had no idea how to balance that, to follow the instructions, because she just felt so desperate.

“Just like this,” that soft voice whispered, and Emma felt them rocking slowly, steadily. Her hand was let go, and she felt a calming rub on her bottom, tucking her in closer.

She sighed, blinking slowly, feeling suddenly drunk with sleep. She felt her suckling begin to slacken, leaving just enough pressure to beckon the milk.

Mama leaned down and kissed the bridge of her nose. “There’s my good girl. I’ve got you.”

Emma began to hear the humming of a tune, and felt it against her lips. She nuzzled in closer, closing her eyes as she felt the milk begin to run out. She didn’t panic. Mama could feel it too, and she rubbed just a bit harder on Emma’s bottom. “You’re doing so good, my love. Come on.”

She felt their embrace slacken as hands took hold underneath her arms, and Emma allowed it to happen. She was slowly sat up, and before being shifted to the other side, Mama took a minute to wipe a thumb across Emma’s bottom lip to gather wayward milk before freeing her second breast.

Once it was exposed, Emma leaned down to capture it tenderly. She heard a relieved sigh escape Mama, and mimicked it as fresh milk hit her tongue. Mama tasted so sweet. Just like how she smelled. How she felt. Emma curled in as a familiar pat on her bottom started.

“We’ll finish our milk,” Mama murmured. “We’ll brush our teeth, and then change you.”

Emma gave a short grunt as she gazed up at the face paying such close attention to her. She needed it there. She needed Mama…

She was so tired once she was done, full and drunk off milk, but Mama sat her on the bathroom counter and washed her face, made her brush her teeth before laying her down on the bed. “Sweet girl,” Mama said, leaning down and kissing Emma’s cheek as she took Emma’s pants off, her boy shorts. Emma felt a cold wipe on her privates, soft as it massaged her folds delicately. Mama stayed right there with her, giving her feather kisses. “You’re doing so good, baby,” she praised, finishing with the wipe and powdering Emma down. “Let’s have a bottle tonight, okay?”

Emma’s fingers went to her mouth, but Mama was ready for it. She felt a paci being placed in between her lips just before a soft diaper was scooted under her bottom. She felt it wrapped around her, and a pair of long pajamas shifted up her legs.

Mama drew the covers down, and found Pankie, handing it to Emma as she began cleaning the changing items off the edge of the bed. “I’ll be right back,” she said as she walked away briskly into the hallway. Emma clutched Pankie to her, and pressed the button on the light machine on the bedside table. The ceiling lit up with soft rainbow colors, and Emma stared up at them, counting the clouds.

She heard a chuckle before she noticed Mama crawl into bed next to her, and Emma clamored over to fall into waiting arms. She was pulled in gently, cradled into Mama’s waiting lap. Her paci was replaced with a new nipple, and Emma felt water fill her mouth as she suckled.

She held onto Pankie, collecting a piece of Mama’s pajama shirt in the grasp as she was rocked.

“I love you, my Little One,” Mama whispered as she held the bottle to Emma’s lips. Emma’s eyes sank slowly, the colors dancing on the ceiling, Mama’s dark eyes watching her. The quiet had stayed. And now, she just needed to sleep.

***

_Six Months Earlier_

Zelena hadn’t spent much time in Ruby’s room. All she knew was that it was broken into two sections: one was visible from the hallway, and the other was broken off by a thick crimson curtain that Ruby had masterfully set up a track for on the ceiling.

“We’re not getting our deposit back,” Ruby had said.

Well, that was inevitable. Zelena wasn’t unknown for breaking shit during a 2am drunken escapade anyway.

It hadn’t taken much convincing to get Zelena on the other side of that curtain. Not with the promise of being able to check out all of Ruby’s toys. But bloody hell, she hadn’t been expecting all…this.

The curtains weren’t the only thing hanging from the ceiling. There was a leather sling with stirrups dangling in the corner and a suspension set in the middle of the half-room space. Near that was a low table with a…saddle?...on top. The appendage sticking out of it was not one Zelena had ever seen on a real horse saddle. There was also a bench with restraints that resembled what Zelena had seen in those awful movies where people with mental health issues were strapped to, except this one was clad in all black leather bondages. And lastly, a dresser with god knows what in the drawers.

“Fucking Christ, Rubes,” Zelena breathed out, making Ruby give a sultry chuckle.

“I don’t typically let my subs call me by my first name. Or swear.”

 _What the…? Sub?_ Zelena spun on her and cocked an eyebrow. “You think I’m going to let you top me, you’ve got another thing coming,” she warned in the most dangerous tone she could muster.

Ruby just shrugged, undeterred. “You want me to tie you up, you’re going to play by my rules.” She didn’t look at Zelena as she said it, just busied herself with rummaging through the dresser drawers and pulling out thick, red rope.

“I didn’t say I wanted you to tie me up,” Zelena argued, running her hand along the leather saddle. A sharp sting hit her hand, and she yelped, pulling it back and shooting Ruby a death glare. Ruby stood holding a riding crop. “Did you just fucking _swat_ me with that thing?!”

Ruby rolled her eyes. “Don’t be so dramatic. It was barely a tap.”

 _Jesus jumped up Christ!_ As Zelena felt her hand sting, she felt something else too. A strange floating that she absolutely knew had nothing to do with the alcohol. It felt like she had just freefallen off a bridge, like she’d lost her center. She’d never felt anything like it before. It was so strong. It wasn’t an unpleasant feeling either. Fuck…

“You said you wanted to know what it felt like. I told you that you might be surprised. What else is there to discuss? Stand over here, please,” Ruby said, grabbing Zelena’s hips gently and placing her just under the cuffs hanging from the ceiling.

“This is just for experiment’s sake, yeah?” Zelena said as Ruby began lifting up her shirt. Zelena squirmed away from Ruby’s touch and gave her an accusing stare. “Hey!”

Ruby didn’t look deterred in the least. She rolled her eyes again, something that was becoming a bit infuriating really, and gave Zelena a grin, making Zelena want to smack that smug little mouth. What an asshole! “Well, you can’t do this _clothed_ ,” Ruby said, making it sound like this was the most obvious fact in the world.

Zelena felt her jaw drop, and that strange freefalling sensation all at once. “And just why the hell not?”

Ruby just smiled at her. That infuriating smile. “You want the full experience, right? Look, just take your shirt and pants off. Don’t worry about the bra and panties.”

“Who calls them panties?!” Zelena argued.

Ruby had the audacity to laugh, and Zelena felt her anger flare up again. But, if she were to really dig deep down, that anger was a mask. She wasn’t angry at all. Not really. What she was, was deflecting.

_Not your own patient, not your own patient, not your own patient. Focus, Mills._

“What do you call them in England?” Ruby snorted. “Britches? Just strip. Unless you’re scared,” she danced her eyebrows up and down, teasing.

Zelena scoffed, and it was her turn to roll her eyes. Despite these new feelings bubbling in her stomach, she had the sudden urge to win this game with Ruby, whatever this game was. She didn’t want to show that Ruby was getting under her skin. And she _was_ curious.

So she undressed, thankful for the pleasant buzz of the alcohol making her feel just a bit numb all over. She wasn’t sure how much it was helping, but it was at least something. She tried to think if she’d ever been even remotely undressed in front of Ruby. They were roommates after all. But now that she thought about it, she’d always been very modest. How unlike her! Why had she done that? Was it conscious? The butterflies in her stomach did an unpleasant summersault at those thoughts.

Maybe it _was_ good pot.

Ruby, however, seemed to not be affected in the least by Zelena’s sudden vulnerability. She simply took Zelena’s wrists and focused on the task of wrapping the thick leather cuffs around them and strapping her in. In no time, Zelena was hanging by her hands, feeling distinctly like a piece of meat in a butcher shop.

“Too tight?” Ruby asked.

“No,” Zelena tried to say, but her voice cracked. She cleared her throat and repeated it. _God damnit. Don’t crack now, Mills._

Ruby cocked an eyebrow. “You doing okay there, Doctor?”

Ruby noticing her obvious nerves helped Zelena square herself. She lifted her chin and boldened her voice. “Perfectly fine,” she said haughtily.

Ruby snorted, nodding. “Okay. But the safe word is Savior.”

“Savior?” Zelena repeated, surprised.

“Yeah, you know. Like Jesus?” Ruby joked as she went to her dresser to take out those red ropes.

“That’s a great fucking image, there,” Zelena scoffed. “Thinking of Jesus while I’m being tied up by a dominatrix.”

Ruby chuckled again. “You know how to use a safe word, don’t you Doctor Mills?” Ruby asked, and the tone in her voice wasn’t something that Zelena was used to. It sent a strange buzzing in her stomach, shattering the butterflies lightly fluttering around. Now, they were just burning. Fucking hell.

Ruby didn’t seem to notice. She just began tying an impressive looking knot in the rope before putting it carefully over Ruby’s head.

“Yeah. I’ve seen pornos, you know? Bad ones, but yeah. Now with all that shite on the internet its hard not to watch. Hey, is this like foreplay?” she rambled, and Ruby gave a noncommittal smirk as she looped another knot in the rope at Zelena’s cleavage. “I mean, I wonder if there’s folks out there that don’t feel like they’ve been fucked until they’ve been tied up. Are there people like that out there?”

At this, Ruby paused to look at Zelena, and Zelena could have sworn she looked surprised. “Yeah. There’s all kinds of people out there, Zee.”

“Huh,” Zelena grunted, looking up at the ceiling as Ruby pulled the rope through the knot she had made and then began a second knot at her abdomen. Her abdomen that was really burning now. Shit, she felt hot all over. And shaking? Maybe? She felt like she were on the side of a cliff, looking down, her survival instincts kicking in to make her heart pump faster, though she couldn’t bring herself to step away from the ledge. “Seems like exhausting foreplay. Just to get proper fucked? But like you said, all kinds.” Ruby pulled the rope through again and started the same type of knot just below Zelena’s navel. She felt that freefalling sensation again, and though she tried to hide the sharp intake of breath, she wasn’t sure if she was succeeding. Was she wigging out? Did she regret starting this? Well, maybe she was wigging out a little, but stopping sounding really terrible right now. As nervous as she was, she didn’t want Ruby to stop. No matter how close she got to…

“I mean, there is proper fucked, and I guess you could say I’ve had that a few times. But, you know, I guess if you don’t try a few things out you won’t know what works and what doesn’t. Unless just the idea of it sounds awful, I guess. But…”

“Zee,” Ruby stopped focusing on her task to give what Zelena could only read as an exasperated look.

“Hm?”

“Would you shut up?”

Zelena’s mouth fell open, and she scoffed. “Excuse me! I’m trying to have a nice time here, Ruby the Shabibi or Whatever Domme. I’m sure you’re skilled enough to finish while I distract you.”

As she went on her tirade, Ruby began to grin. “You’re not supposed to be distracted,” she answered calmly as if she were speaking to an out-of-line kindergarten student. “You’re supposed to be focusing on how this makes you feel.”

How this made her feel? How it made her _feel_?! She thought she was going to start screaming at how terrifying it all was. It was like skydiving! You look up at a plane from the ground and think: yeah, that seems like a good idea. And then you’re up in the goddamned plane looking down at the world and screaming: yeah, this was a really stupid bloody idea! But you’ll be damned if by the time you’re up in that plane and you’ve got your gear on and everyone else is smiling and laughing and patting you on the back and telling you hey, this is gunna be great you don’t jump out anyway. Screaming your goddamned head of and absolutely terrified and elated that shit, you’re bloody flying!

She was flying.

Ruby was making her fly.

“Well, excuse the fuck out of me! I’m the one tied up here. Shouldn’t I try and make myself feel a little less vulnerable?”

That calm expression in those grey eyes. Ruby was so calm. Like the earth you look down on when you’re dropping thousands of feet in the air, oxygen passing right through your lungs because you’re going so fast. You look down and everything on the ground was just the way it was a moment ago. You’re the one that’s changed. Ruby, she hadn’t. She was the ground.

She was the solid ground.

“Or,” Ruby murmured. “You can remember why we started this in the first place, and give into the vulnerability? See if it loosens you up just a bit, if it doesn’t completely free you?” And then as if it were the most natural thing in the world, Ruby tucked the rope in between Zelena’s legs and brought it around Zelena’s backside. As Ruby’s fingers grazed Zelena, she felt that freefalling sensation, except this time, she focused on the center of it all, the thing that was the constant.

She must have tensed, made a noise, sucked in a sharp breath. Something. Because she heard Ruby chuckle. “You doing okay there, Doctor?”

“You really need to stop calling me that,” Zelena said, and realized as she tried to say it steadily that she was out of breath. Fuck.

Ruby cocked an eyebrow, and gave Zelena a thoughtful smirk. “Nope. Don’t think I will.”

Zelena felt that feeling turn to a hot, cozy flicker. Something that seemed just between them. And it didn’t feel scary, or awkward, or anything like that. It just felt...real. Zelena couldn’t help it; for the first time, she smiled and said warmly: “Asshole.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next week, we're going to see some fun stuff happen with our characters. I hope you all had a safe week.


	12. A Little Plan

Regina woke early to the sensation of her aching breasts. Although Emma had woken up in the middle of the night and Regina had briefly nursed her back to sleep, it apparently had been too brief, and Regina’s emotions were so high that she knew she had much more milk than usual.

She’d want to check Emma’s diaper before she let her nurse, however. Regina had already changed her once in the night, but with the way she had been nursing, she was sure Emma needed to be changed again. She always took pride in Emma never having a diaper rash, and she wasn’t about to let her get one now.

Turning over to wake her Little One, she found the side of the bed empty.

Regina shot up and looked around the room. “Emma?”

No answer. Pankie was gone. But as she was listening for a response, she heard the television. A Disney song was playing.

Regina got up and padded down the hall and into the living room, where she found Emma sitting on the couch, clutching Pankie, staring intently at the screen.

Scratch that. Regina found Baby Emma clutching Pankie, sucking her thumb, and staring intently at the screen.

Those familiar emotions surged through Regina’s entire body. She was washed over with affection for the toddler in front of her and at the same time, felt a pang of anxiety that Emma had regressed. When she did regress, it was for a reason. The pattern that week on her mental health was not looking good at all. They needed to work harder on Emma centering herself.

But that was later. Regina would worry about all of that later. She had Baby Emma here now, and that affection wrapped around her like a warm blanket. It seemed like forever ago that Baby Emma had made an appearance and they were able to spend that time together. Reasons for Emma’s regression aside, having her here now was like a breath of fresh air. Regina decided right then and there that she had no intention of going into the office that day.

“Baby,” she came forward and pulled Emma’s head against her belly, running her fingers through Emma’s messy hair. “You know better than to come out here and not wake me,” she chided gently.

Emma popped her thumb out of her mouth and looked up. “Mama, I was in big bed,” she announced proudly. When Emma woke up regressed in the bed they shared instead of her crib, she liked to point it out as a matter of her status as a big girl.

“You were,” Regina answered as she leaned down to feel Emma’s diaper. Definitely wet. “Come on, sweetheart. Let’s change your diaper.”

Emma hopped up without a word and ran down the hall. Before laying Emma down, she got one of Emma’s pacifiers from her bedside table and replaced Emma’s thumb with it. Emma took it, but wasn’t excited about having it clipped to her pajama shirt. “No,” Regina said kindly. “Leave it there, please,” she instructed when Emma tried to pry it away.

Emma made a huffing noise but didn’t argue, and she was fine with the diaper change until they were done, and Regina tried to put socks on her feet. Scrambling up, she giggled and ran out of the room.

“Emma!” Regina called, holding her laugh in and trying to sound firm. “You’re putting these socks on.”

“Nah putting ‘em on!” Emma called back.

“You are if you want pancakes for breakfast,” Regina said, and stood waiting.

Sure enough, as she was putting Emma’s changing items away, she saw a blonde head peek into the room out of the corner of her eye.

“Well?” she asked. “Do you want pancakes?”

Emma took another step in, clutching Pankie. Her pacifier was already out of her mouth. “Uh huh.”

Smiling, Regina pat the edge of the bed. “Okay. Come here please.”

Emma begrudgingly went to the bed and allowed Regina to put socks on her feet. “We’re going to have our milk, and then breakfast. Okay, sweetheart?”

Emma was busy fidgeting with one of Pankie’s ears, and Regina could see that she needed to resew it on very soon. But that was a conversation she’d have with an adult Emma. Pankie going into surgery was always a pressure point for Little and Baby Emma alike.

Finally getting Emma into the reclining chair, Regina guided a breast to Emma’s lips. When Emma began to suckle, Regina felt that pressure leave, and gave an audible sigh of relief. There was simply no way to describe how good it felt for Emma to take her milk, but Regina did note a difference in the way Baby Emma nursed. She was much more dutiful and carefree, usually scratching lightly on the mound of her Mama’s breast as opposed to the helpful massage to encourage the milk to release like Little Emma did. Sometimes Baby Emma unlatched to muse aloud a thought that just came into her head, which never happened when Emma wasn’t regressed.

She did that now as she popped Regina’s nipple out of her mouth and asked, “Mama, can the pancakes be Mickey?”

Regina smiled down, and she nodded her answer as she carefully guided her nipple back to Emma’s lips. “Yes, baby. Mama will make them Mickey.”

As if there was another choice. Zelena had offered to buy Emma the Mickey Mouse waffle maker, but Regina had taken it personal that her sister didn’t think she knew how to make the pancakes look like Mickey from scratch. Zelena, of course, decided to just buy it for herself so that she could make them for Emma at her place should the opportunity ever arise. Regina had been worried that the uncanny Mickey face imprint in the batter would mean Emma didn’t prefer her Mama’s anymore, but she should have known better.

“Says my pancakes taste like paste,” Zelena huffed when she announced her failure at making them for Emma the first time. “You need to give me your batter recipe, Bun.”

“Not a chance,” Regina had laughed. She had switched to the buttermilk version for Baby Emma, who didn’t seem to appreciate Sourdough nearly as much as her adult counterpart.

When Regina had mentioned this to Emma the first time, Emma had scoffed. “That kid is just so pathetic. Can’t draw, doesn’t like sourdough pancakes. Why does my subconscious feel the need to bring her around?”

It never sat well with Regina that Emma constantly insulted herself regressed, and also separated herself from Baby Emma. This was Emma’s way of coping, Regina knew. Her way of making light of the situation. But she put her foot down when Emma wanted to take Baby Emma’s pictures off the fridge or get rid of some of Baby Emma’s books. Absolutely not.

Regina set Emma up with her crayons and latest coloring book on the coffee table while she went to make the pancakes, but Emma just ended up on the floor next to her while she cooked, humming to herself while she colored at her Mama’s feet. Regina carefully stepped around her, dropping a few chocolate chips on Emma’s book for her that were supposed to end up in the recipe.

“Mama, how many choc’lat chips are in the pancakes?” Emma asked.

“Oh, I don’t know,” Regina mused. “A lot.”

“A hundred?”

Chuckling, Regina stirred the batter. “Probably not.”

“A millions?”

Surprised, Regina’s chuckle turned into a laugh. “Where did you hear that number?”

Emma looked up and said importantly, “Auntie ZeeZee says there’s millions of people in Massamits.”

“Massachusetts,” Regina corrected, pouring the right amount of batter into the hot pan; three circular shapes. She would worry about drawing the face with blueberries and whipped cream after it was done cooking. Just then, her phone rang on the counter, and she saw her sister’s name pop up. “She’s right. There are millions. Speaking of Auntie ZeeZee,” she said, and saw Emma’s face brighten. “Hi Zee,” She said as she answered.

“Hey, Bun. Is Emma with you? She’s not answering her phone.”

Regina heard a breathlessness is Zelena’s voice that unnerved her. “She is with me. Code three.”

“Shit,” she heard Zelena say under her breath. “Will she be okay for tonight, then?”

“I don’t know,” Regina sighed. “I’ll put her down for a nap in a few hours. We’ll see when she wakes up.”

“Nah tired,” she heard Emma mumble to herself, clearly responding to the mention of a nap.

“Fuck,” she heard Zelena say again.

“Zee? Why do you need to talk to her?” Regina felt a cold flash hit her chest.

“Why?” Zelena screamed on the other end. “Ruby is missing is why!”

Quickly, Regina walked out of the kitchen and hissed into the phone. “Keep your voice down. She’ll hear you. There isn’t anything Emma can do right now, and you know it. Now what is wrong?”

There was a pause for a long moment. “Nothing.” Something in Zelena’s voice sounded off. She was breathless, anxious, even for Zelena. She seemed off the charts for the early hour. “I’m just nervous. That’s all. And scared.”

“Did you get any sleep last night?” Regina asked. “Zee?”

“Look,” Zelena said, ignoring Regina’s question. “Can we postpone me coming over until tomorrow?” When Regina made a noise of protest, Zelena interjected. “Please, Bun! I’ll spend the night tomorrow with you. I promise. I just…I need some time to think.”

Regina’s radar went off. Something was wrong with Zelena. Well, something more than normal. They were all under a lot of stress right now, but Regina couldn’t shake the feeling that Zelena was keeping things from her.

For the first time since the conversation started, Zelena seemed to take a breath. “Look, it’s just…I haven’t told Emma about how Ruby was acting before all of this. She was really off. But it can wait. It can wait until Emma’s back. And I think you two could use some sleep tonight once you’re done at The Dungeon. Please?”

More worry settled deep in Regina’s chest and stayed there. She’d been so focused on Baby Emma, she hadn’t given the case much thought. But now it was screaming back at her. What were they going to do? Emma regressing wasn’t good, of course, but it wasn’t going to slow her down once she came out of it. Regina knew Emma well enough to know she would take this to mean she’d lost too much time already and push herself harder.

“Okay, but do not flake out on us tomorrow,” Regina said, realizing the truth of the words as she thought about everything. “First the flashback, and now this…Zee, I don’t like where this is going. I need you here with us. And I think you need some company too. Okay? I don’t like you sitting in that apartment alone right now.”

“Of course,” Zelena answered, and the tone was back to her normal irritated self at Regina’s mothering. “I’m alright, Bun. Can I…can I say hi to her?”

A relieved sigh left Regina, and she smiled. “Of course,” she said, going back into the kitchen. “Honey, ZeeZee wants to say hi,” she said, handing the phone to Emma and going to flip the pancake.

“Hi Auntie ZeeZee. Mama says there is a millions in Massmootis.”

Regina heard her sister’s muffled voice on the other end answer.

“Are you and Wruby gunna come play?” Emma asked.

Regina dropped the pancake she’d been trying to transfer onto Emma’s plate right onto the floor. She was so startled, she didn’t register at first what she’d done until Emma started laughing.

“Mama dropped Mickey!” she announced to Zelena.

Regina quickly picked it up and threw it in the sink. She took a moment to stand over it and just catch her breath.

How in the hell was she supposed to tell Baby Emma…?

No, she wasn’t going to tell her anything. She didn’t need to know…

“What kinda baycayshun?” she heard Emma ask, and she assumed Zelena had told Emma that Ruby was taking a vacation somewhere. “Kay. You gunna come?”

Regina let out a sigh of relief when Emma seemed to take whatever answer Zelena had given at face value. And why wouldn’t she? She didn’t need to have a clue what was going on in the grown-up world. Emma had had far too much of that in her childhood. She wouldn’t have it when she was regressed. Not on Regina’s watch.

She made quick work of another pancake as Emma finished her phone call, and then Regina set her up on the dining room table, leaning over Emma to cut up her pancake for her. Emma always wanted it done a certain way: ears first, then chin, then smile. She pointed to each part while her Mama cut, though Regina could have done it by heart at this point.

“Mama, can we go to the park?” Emma asked as she picked up a piece of her pancake with her finger and stuffed it in her mouth.

Sitting down with her coffee, Regina nodded. “Yes, my love. Once you’re done, we’ll take a bath, and then go to the park.”

“Nah dirty,” Emma argued almost reflexively, no emphasis in her voice as she stuck another syrupy piece in her mouth.

Regina chuckled. “But Blaster is. And he needs you with him when he bathes. Right?”

Emma nodded absentmindedly as she took a sip of apple juice Regina had put in a sippy cup for her.

Despite her previous argument, Emma had a great time in the tub. That might have been fully to the credit of Regina cleaning the syrup off of Emma’s face by giving her suds beards, and dropping plastic buckets full of water on top of her head to rinse them off. Emma just thought that was incredibly funny, and Regina couldn’t help but have her heart feel lighter at the sound of innocent joy in Emma’s voice at the most mundane things.

It helped Regina to be able to just focus on Emma, get her needs met, watch her say and do things with a child’s innocence. It was so cathartic that it calmed her world.

She bundled Emma up good for their trip to the park, and Emma was fine until she wanted to take Fuzzy Bear with her.

“There’s too much snow and mud. He’ll get dirty, baby.”

“Then Mama can give him a bath!” Emma reasoned, holding Fuzzy Bear out to Regina as if she needed to take him down with them. She did take him, placing him back on the bed.

“No, sweetheart. Another time.”

Three…two…one…the first meltdown of the morning commenced. Emma threw herself onto the floor, her beanie sliding off her head, and wailed into her hands.

Regina calmly went to her dresser to get her own scarf and gloves, ignoring Emma curling herself into a tighter ball with another dramatic cry. If Faker was a character, it would have Emma’s mugshot. Regina had been working on getting these meltdowns to a minimum and had been somewhat successful. Emma didn’t typically lose it over little things unless she was really tired. They were becoming fewer and far between as Emma was beginning to realize that the theatrics had no effect in getting her way.

Slipping her gloves on, Regina said calmly, “when you’re done, we’ll go.”

“Nah done!” Emma screamed.

“Okay,” Regina shrugged. “I’ll wait. Just remember the longer it takes, the less time playing at the park you’ll have.” And she left the bedroom to gather their cell phones and keys into her bag. Before she put her own phone away, she texted her sister.

_I’m going to be checking in with you all day. Text me back every time or I’m coming after you._

She heard silence in the bedroom after a few moments, and then Emma came out slowly with her head down, rubbing at her eyes with a fist.

“Are we ready?” Regina asked kindly.

Emma nodded.

“Okay. Then what do we do?”

Sniffling, Emma came forward and threw her arms around Regina’s neck. “Mama, I’m sorry.”

Hugging her back, Regina kissed Emma’s cheek. “Thank you, baby. Go get your beanie.”

Emma ran back to the bedroom to fetch it as Regina’s phone chimed.

_Zelena: I’ll text you in between clients. Some of us still have to work today._

Smiling, Regina texted back.

_My statement remains the same._

She was going to be checking in on Zelena. All day. She was worried about her sister. Though Zelena was good at handling herself, this was unprecedented. And they all needed to stick together. Plus, she couldn’t shake the feeling that Zelena was keeping things from her.

Well, there wasn’t much Regina could do about that. Zelena was nothing if not stubborn, and while Regina could try and coax it out of her sister, the amount of luck she’d had with that in the past when Zelena wasn’t ready didn’t give her much hope.

When Emma came back into the room, Regina put her gloves and jacket on, and they were out the door.

The snow was beginning to melt, and the city was covered in dingy, brown slops of it. The playground equipment was wet and dirty, but Emma seemed okay with simply running around and chasing seagulls.

“Not so close to the water, Em,” Regina called ahead of her.

“Mama, no ducks,” Emma complained.

“No,” she answered. “It’s too cold. They’ll be back in Spring.”

Emma grabbed hold of a rock and clumsily threw it in the water. “What’s Sprig?”

Regina smiled inwardly. It was fun explaining to a child for the first time the things that seemed so common knowledge. Each time she did so, she was harkened back to her first dream job of becoming a teacher. After her father died, she had decided against it, but playing with Emma and teaching her now, she was reminded why it had sounded so good in the first place. “It’s when the birds come back and the flowers bloom. When the sky gets blue again and the trees get new leaves.”

Emma looked out at the water, a look of contemplation on her face, when one of their phones rang in Regina’s purse. She recognized Emma’s ringtone, and saw August on the caller ID. “Hi, August. I’m sorry. I should have texted. Code three.”

“Oh,” he said, sounding tired. “I figured. Damn.”

“Got anything?” she asked, keeping her voice down as Emma busied herself with more rocks.

“Not really, no. Been at the police station for the past couple of hours. Filling them in. They contacted Ruby’s dad and let him know.”

Regina felt that pit in her stomach deepen. “Will we see you tonight?” she asked, referring to the under cover job they all had going at The Dungeon.

“Nah,” he said. “I start showing up and hanging around you guys, people will take notice.”

“Maybe you can keep my sister company while we are there, then,” Regina said carefully, waiting for the reaction. She had picked up on something the other night. The two of them had avoided looking at each other completely. When Regina had seen that, she tried to think back. Had Zelena and August been off lately? Was their relationship souring? She could blame her neglect on what had been going on the past few days, but truth be told, she’d been so wrapped up in figuring out how to propose to Emma before that that she knew it went back further.

“Yeah,” August answered robotically. “Maybe.”

Well, Regina thought. Those two words said a whole lot. Sighing, she told August, “Anyway, I’m going to put her down for a nap in about two hours. She’ll probably snap out of it then. I’ll have her call you.”

Looking at Baby Emma now, care-free and unaware of the plans the adults in her life were putting in place, Regina sighed. If only life could be as simple as this moment, always. Not that her partner dealing with regression was simple, but they had been living with it for so long at that point that they had found a way to cope, a routine, a system.

“Emma,” she called, and her Little One looked up from her rock-throwing fun. “Wanna go for a drive?”

“Kay!” Emma popped up, heading Regina’s way, and the two walked hand in hand back to the apartments to retrieve Regina’s car.

She buckled Emma in and drove them off Seaport Blvd. Emma loved going over the water, hands and face plastered against the window to watch it go by. Regina was reminded of chocolatey handprints on the living room windows of the apartment when Henry had first come to visit, and she thought about him now, how he would be with Baby Emma. According to Emma, she had told Henry in the best way she knew how about her regressions. It was hard to tell if a little boy could understand something like that. Regina imagined not unless he saw for himself. Would that day come? That was hard to tell too. They hadn’t heard back about being able to see him for visitation, though it had only been a couple of days.

She drove them north until the city faded away into houses, parks passing them by, neighborhoods getting bigger and quieter. There was more than one secret she had been keeping from Emma in the past weeks, though this one she had put less claim on. While the ring lay sturdily hidden in her office, ready to be taken, this commitment was one she hadn’t accepted yet.

She couldn’t do it without Emma anyway, regardless of Emma having a ring on her finger or not. Despite many phone calls from a keen real estate agent after her first inquiry, Regina had no intentions of putting in any offers until she and Emma decided together. Of course, how she was going about it now was not the way to do it. She knew taking Baby Emma to the house she’d had her eye on was more of a way to soften the blow for herself.

She parked outside a Victorian style home, where the for sale sign hung in the large front lawn. She could hear Emma now: “Park Avenue? You literally want us to move to a house on Park Avenue?”

Emma, the orphan, who up until recently had lived month-to-month in a rental with two friends, who still was hanging onto her forty-year-old yellow bug that died every winter, would take a lot of convincing to be comfortable with such an upgrade. But Regina couldn’t help it; the second she’d seen this house on the market, she’d fallen in love. It wasn’t about the money. Not for her. It was about the quiet, the space, the dream in her head of she and Emma living here…

“Mama! A swing!” Baby Emma screamed, trying and failing to unbuckle herself from the seatbelt.

Regina caught her hands quickly as she looked to see that the house next door indeed had a tire swing dangling from a large oak tree.

“Emma, that belongs to somebody. We can’t just go play on it.”

Emma gave Regina a funny look, and then glanced back out her window. “It’s a park?” she asked.

Regina had to smile. To this little Emma, she could imagine that this place did just look like a giant park. It was quiet with a ton of space, trees, and grass. Why would she think anything else? It was so different from her urban experiences so far.

“No, baby. That’s somebody’s house.”

Emma’s brow came down in seeming deep thought. Then she said: “Mama, can we have a swing at our house?”

Knowing she was referring to the apartment, Regina chuckled. “And where would we put it, hm?”

Emma grinned. “By the tv!” she exclaimed excitedly.

Laughing Regina nodded. “Or, we could put one right there,” she pointed to the tree in front of the yard with the for sale sign. “And you could play on it anytime you wanted if this was our house.”

Emma stared out the window, a sudden serious expression on her face. She glanced uncertainly at Regina, and whispered: “are we going away?”

A little fear had creeped into that voice, and Regina felt the strings Emma held around her heart tighten. Regardless of how much time she had been with Baby Emma now, this little girl still had memories of being shifted around at a moment’s notice. She put a soothing hand on Emma’s cheek, and smiled reassuringly. “We aren’t going anywhere where we aren’t together. Okay? Mama will always be with you. But I thought maybe you’d like a yard to play in. If not this one, another one like it?”

“With Pankie?” Emma asked wide-eyed, and Regina laughed.

“Of course, with Pankie. And Fluffy Bear, and all of your books and crayons. What do you think, sweetheart? Do you think you’d be okay with a house and a big yard?”

“Will Auntie ZeeZee and Wruby and MeeMee still come?” she asked.

The wind stopped circulating in Regina’s chest, leaving her breathless. Will Ruby still come?

Will Ruby come home?

But she squared herself quickly. She couldn’t show her baby how upset the question made her. She couldn’t give anything away. Wherever Ruby was, whatever had happened, Baby Emma couldn’t know about it. “Of course,” she smiled. “Always. Whenever you like.”

Emma looked back out the window, that bit of anxiety Regina had seen on her face waning. Then, she smiled, and gave Regina bright eyes. “Mama, I wanna big big yard!” she said, spreading her hands out wide. “Wif a swing!”

Regina chuckled, and leaned over to kiss Emma’s cheek. “Maybe someday soon.”

***

“Regina?”

Regina whipped around to find Emma, tousle-haired and eyes wide, looking at her from the entry of the dining room. “Code three?” She looked like she didn’t want the answer, even though she already knew it, and Regina knew why. Having a code three meant she’d missed out on a morning of researching and finding any answers.

“Yes,” she smiled assuredly. “You had a very nice morning.”

Emma’s brows furrowed, and she gave Regina a hopeful look. “Did you?”

Her smile grew, and she came forward, resting her hands on Emma’s waist. “I did, actually. It felt good watching you be happy.”

Regina could tell that her words held a meaning to them that Emma had caught. She gave Regina a pensive look. “Something’s bothering you. What is it?” she asked softly.

The sting she felt in her eyes made Regina angry with herself. She’d told herself not to get worked up over it, she’d promised herself she wasn’t going to think more of it. But apparently, it bothered her more than she had thought. “You asked for her.”

Emma blinked. “What do you mean?”

“Ruby. You talked to Zelena. Asked if she and Ruby would come over. Zelena had to lie to you.”

Emma came closer and wrapped her arms around Regina’s waist. The way she embraced Regina tightly matched the ache Regina felt in her throat. She couldn’t help it. She brought her hands up to Emma’s face and caressed, letting her features blur with the smarting in her eyes. “What am I going to say?” she sobbed out.

“Baby…” Emma just held her. Regina surprised herself by burying her face in Emma’s shoulder and letting those tears fall. She couldn’t bare it. She couldn’t stand the thought of breaking Baby Emma’s heart. They needed to find Ruby, and Ruby needed to be okay. For her, for Emma, for all of their friends, and for Baby Emma. “You don’t have to tell her,” Emma soothed. “She doesn’t need to know anything.”

“I know, it’s just…” Regina shook her head against Emma’s shoulder, trying to find the words to articulate exactly how she felt, but the problem was she wasn’t one hundred percent sure herself. These feelings were almost too complicated to put into words. Giving the hurricane of thoughts another try, her real fear finally surfaced, and when it did, she hesitated even saying it out loud to her partner.

“Just what?” Emma asked softly. “What is it?”

“What if…what if she never comes back?” the last words cracked painfully, felt like fire to her lips. She felt Emma stiffen. Just for a moment, but it was there.

“Day by day,” Emma finally said. “We’ll take it day by day. But my answer is the same. You don’t need to tell her anything. She’s so little. She won’t understand.”

“I know,” Regina said, squaring herself and pulling away so that they could look at one another. “That’s just it. You won’t understand. If something terrible has happened…”

“Then you’ll find a way,” Emma interjected. “But that’s not going to happen. This is Ruby we’re talking about. She’s the strongest person I know. Next to you.”

That made Regina laugh, even if it was a sad laugh. “Not a chance I’m stronger than Ruby.”

“I wish I could be there for you when you feel this way with her. I’m sorry, babe. I know it’s a lot.”

Regina was shaking her head already, wiping away a tear from her cheek. “I know,” she repeated. “You are there with me.”

“It’s not the same,” Emma stated, sounding regretful.

Regina made herself smile. “Well, you’re here now. And I think we should have lunch. I’m starving,” she tried to loosen up the mood.

Emma took the direction, and smiled, tightening her hold on Regina’s hips. “Let me take you out. Please? I wanna treat you.”

Surprised, Regina squeezed the hand in hers. “Really?” She would have thought Emma would want to hit the ground running, but saw a resolve in Emma’s eyes as she nodded.

“Yeah, really.”

“What about Ruby?” Regina asked cautiously, but Emma just pulled her in and tucked her in an embrace.

“After. And…we have a long night anyway.”

A familiar flash of worry hit Regina, and she swallowed. “So, we’re still going?”

Emma pulled her in closer and gave Regina a little kiss. “Yes. Is that okay?”

Nodding, she sighed. “I mean, I’m worried. But yes. We need to go.”

But Emma just shook her head with a smile on her face, tucking a strand of hair behind Regina’s ear affectionately. “You pick anywhere in Boston, and I’ll take you to lunch.”

Regina found herself keeping that smile. “How about the best burgers in town?”

She saw Emma’s eyes flicker, showing a bit of excitement. “Really?” Emma’s favorite burger and milkshake joint…also Ruby’s work. Emma was supposed to have gone there that morning to talk to the manager and see if they had any information about Ruby. “You want to sleuth with me?”

“I want Ruby back is what I want,” Regina answered honestly. “But I could use a burger right now too.”

At this, Emma leaned in and kissed Regina on the lips. Pulling away, she was grinning from ear to ear. “I knew there was a reason I loved you.”

***

The waitress was somebody Emma thought was familiar, but figured maybe she had only seen her in passing while visiting Ruby at the diner. However, there was a much more familiar face there, one that made Emma’s heart sink. His sandy little head could be seen over the booth he sat at.

“Oh no,” she breathed out.

“What is it?” Regina asked as they were being led to their own booth.

Emma looked at the waitress in answer. “Never mind. We’ve already got somebody here,” she said as she took Regina’s hand to lead them to the front booth where Henry was sitting with a Coca-Cola. When they approached, he literally leaped out of his seat and managed to wrap his arms around both women at once.

“Emma! Regina! What are you guys doing here!?”

“What are we doing here?” Emma seethed. “Henry, does Mercy Hell know you’re here?” It was a Saturday, so at least he hadn’t skipped school. But Emma had been in the system long enough to know that there would be no point that a nine-year-old kid would be allowed to just wander the streets by himself. He had to have snuck out.

He pulled back, his face turning bright red. “Well…” he stammered, rubbing the back of his neck as he looked back at the table. “I mean, I’ve been doing really good, but I always come see Miss Ruby on weekdays, and I thought she’d be worried if I didn’t today because I haven’t been ditching school. And besides,” he said as he bounced back into his seat at the booth. Emma sat across from him, and was surprised by Regina opting to take a seat next to Henry. “They’re doing something really lame today for an activity. I didn’t want to go to the Bunanical Garden.”

“Botanical Garden,” Regina corrected him kindly, pushing a matt of dusty brown hair away from his eyes with a smile of affection. She looked absolutely mesmerized by him. Emma swallowed the lump that began to form. She knew that look well. She had been on the receiving end of it countless times.

She chose to ignore the Ruby comment for now. Ruby wouldn’t have had a midday shift on a weekend anyway, so Henry would have missed her. However, as Emma looked at Henry now, she figured it wouldn’t be long before she’d have to tell him what was going on. Henry was a very smart kid, he would figure it out, and Emma thought it best if he heard it from her.

“What’s with the soda?” Emma nodded to his drink, thinking it was odd that he hadn’t gone for a milkshake.

“Oh,” Henry lowered his head, and actually looked embarrassed. It surprised Emma. She’d never seen anything phase him before. “Miss Ruby always gets me milkshakes. But she’s not here. I didn’t…have enough money,” he mumbled the last part.

A white hot poker pierced Emma through the chest. Christ, she remembered that feeling! The feeling of always being the have not. Of always having to rely on the kindness of strangers even when you really hated the charity. And being laughed at when the little you did have wasn’t even the bare minimum of what others did. She looked over Henry’s beat up clothes, his hair that was way too long and in his eyes, hell even his size. This was a kid who got what was at the bottom of the box at the local church’s Christmas toy drive.

How long had it taken Emma to get over that? Better question, had she gotten over that? How many times did her car have to die before she finally let Regina help her get a new one? How many birthdays and Christmases did she spend being embarrassed about the presents she received? How many times did she look at a new pair of shoes or a new jacket and think twice before getting it because it still felt weird that she had money in the bank to purchase them?

She and Regina exchanged a look, and if she thought that pain in her chest couldn’t get any worse, she was wrong. The look that Regina had given her when she was explaining about Ruby that morning was back. It nearly killed her to see it. That heartbreak, the worry, all so overwhelming and awful. She’d be lying to herself if she said she didn’t share Regina’s fear. Even if she couldn’t say it out loud yet, it was screaming in her head all the time.

As if Regina could possibly endear herself more, she broke eye contact with Emma, and gave Henry a kind scoff, waving the waitress over. “Henry, tell her what you want. And you can have absolutely anything.”

Henry’s eyes bugged out, and he looked from Regina to the waitress. “Um…a chocolate shake?” he stammered.

“And?” Regina coaxed, continuing to pet Henry’s hair.

“A burger?” he tried.

Emma shook her head. “Cheeseburger, dude. Go all out. You want onion rings?”

At this, Henry’s face brightened, and he smiled. “Yeah!”

“Me too,” Emma told the waitress, and Regina made it three. “You know, Regina’s a fantastic cook. She makes pretty much the best everything,” she said to Henry, who looked up hopefully at Regina.

“Can you make pancakes?” he asked.

Regina threw her head back and laughed. “I just made them this morning,” and she leaned in to whisper in Henry’s ear. “I make Mickey pancakes.”

Emma’s brows shot up. “Did you make them Mickey this morning?” she asked.

Regina gave her a smile and nodded.

“And I ate it?” Emma pressed, surprised. She still wasn’t particularly hungry even though she’d just ordered an enormous meal. That had really been to ease Henry’s tension. She still hadn’t gained all of her appetite back.

“You had syrup all over you,” Regina chuckled as she began fussing with Henry’s worn out coat. “Take this off, honey. You must be getting hot in here.”

Emma watched Regina helping Henry, feeling a surge of something not entirely unpleasant run through her body as she did.

“You don’t remember if you ate pancakes this morning?” Henry laughed, and that wonderful feeling that was elating Emma quickly evaporated as she realized the conversation they’d just had in front of him.

She started stammering but fell short of anything to say in explanation. Cursing herself for the slip up, she looked down at her hands.

But Regina, true to form, saved the day. “Remember Emma told you about her PTSD?”

Henry, to Emma’s surprise, looked excited. “Oh! Guess what!? I got a book from the library about it,” he announced, going to his side where he had his oversized backpack. No doubt another hand-me-down. “I haven’t finished it yet,” he said, squishing up his face as he looked down at the book. Emma guessed by the cover that even if he did, he wasn’t going to comprehend a lot of it anyway. He was only nine, after all.

“After lunch, we’ve gotta take you back, kid,” Emma said to change the subject quickly. And boy, did it ever. Henry made a face like he was going to fall over with boredom and sank in his seat.

“Really?”

“You know we have to,” she said.

Their food came, and Henry practically inhaled it all before Emma had put much of a dent in her onion rings. Regina kept looking down at him and then smirking at Emma, seeming amused and impressed.

“Sometimes Miss Ruby gives me her lunch allowance,” he said, mouth thick with milkshake remnants as he crammed the last of his onion rings in his mouth. “’N den I gip burburs…”

“Finish chewing,” Regina chided kindly.

He swallowed hard. “You gunna eat those?” he pointed at Emma’s onion rings, and she shoved the plate towards him.

“Have at it. I’ll be right back,” she said, giving Regina a pointed look. Regina nodded and put her attention on Henry and her own food as Emma got up to approach the counter. The waitress gave her a smile, and Emma nodded. “I’m Emma,” she said. “Ruby’s best friend.”

The smile on the waitress fell immediately, and she gave Emma a weary look. “Oh. The cops were here yesterday to talk to the manager,” she said sadly. “I’m sorry about Ruby. Have you heard anything?”

Emma shook her head. “No, not yet. But we’re working on it. I’m also a private investigator. I’m on Ruby’s case right now. Trying to figure out what happened. Do you think you can let me know if you saw anything out of the ordinary? If maybe she said something to you?”

The girl looked unsure. She licked her lips nervously and stammered, “I don’t know. I just started last week. Ruby got me the job here, you know? We’d met before…” she trailed off, but it made a lightbulb go off in Emma’s head.

“Wait…” Emma scrutinized the girl for a moment before realization dawned on her. “You’re that sub from Ruby’s party!”

The girl’s eyes darted around the diner, and Emma checked the volume of her voice before continuing. “You know Ruby from The Scene.”

The girl nodded. “My name’s Rose, but everyone just calls me Tink. She was really sweet to me, you know?”

“When was the last time you talked to her?” Emma asked, feeling her heartrate skyrocket. She hoped this girl could tell her something.

“Here,” Tink said. “I think Tuesday?”

“Did she say anything to you? Tell you anything going on in The Scene that she thought was weird? Anything like that?”

The girl called Tink shook her head, and Emma felt her heart sink. “No. She probably wouldn’t have anyway. You know Ruby. We haven’t really Played since I got the job here, but she’s still got that protective mode on with me. She wouldn’t have told me anything that she thought would upset me.”

Emma sighed. “You ever heard of somebody called Lily Page?”

Tink’s brows came down, and she looked like she was mulling over the name. “Doesn’t sound familiar,” she said slowly as she thought, and Emma took the picture of Lily out that she had been bringing around to potential witnesses. She handed it to Tink.

“This is her. Do you know her?” Tink studied the picture. Longer than she needed to. Emma felt a lump in her throat. “You recognize her, don’t you?”

Tink didn’t look up from the picture. “I think so. But…I can’t place her. I’m not super good with faces, but…maybe?”

“But you didn’t say no right away.”

At this, the girl looked up. She shook her head. “I’m sorry. I think I might have seen her before, but I can’t place her.”

“Keep it. Think about it. I’ll come back to see you. In the meantime, can you do me a favor?”

Nodding, Tink said, “anything.”

“Stay away from The Scene right now.”

That had not been what the girl was expecting to hear. She blinked, surprised by the instruction, and shook her head. “Why?”

“Just trust me. Okay? Something’s not right. This girl?” she pointed to the picture. “She went missing a month before Ruby did. And they knew each other.”

Tink’s eyes widened, and she looked back down at the picture. “Really?”

“Really. Look, I don’t know what’s happening, but I’ve got pretty good instincts about cases. It’s what I do. And my instincts are telling me there’s something happening in The Scene, and it’s getting people hurt. Stay low, stay safe. Can you do that?”

Emma got the girl to agree, albeit reluctantly. But she looked freaked out enough that Emma thought something was funky with The Scene, and showing that Ruby had connections to another missing girl seemed to seal the deal that something serious was going on.

In the meantime, Emma and Regina dropped Henry back off at Mercy House. It wasn’t a pleasant experience. Miss Gene from the front desk nearly fell out of her chair when she saw him. “Had to cancel our outing today, the police were here…all because of you! I’ll let you explain to the other children why they weren’t allowed to go to the botanical gardens today.

Emma thought she was going to need to staple Regina down to keep her from losing it on Miss Gene. She was grateful for the outrage she saw in her partner though; it gave her something to focus on other than the hatred she felt for the woman who couldn’t think of a single reason why this little boy didn’t want to be there with them.

“They act as if he’s such a burden for them,” Regina huffed as they drove away, and Emma noticed that Regina’s foot was really pressing down on the pedal.

“Well, he is,” she stated blandly, looking out the window. When she got nothing but silence back, she turned to see Regina staring at her with misting eyes. She swallowed the guilt she felt. “Sorry, but…it’s true. At least, that’s his truth. All kids in the system feel like a burden.”

“He’s not a burden to me,” Regina said quietly, looking ahead to watch the road…or keep her eyes from Emma as she said that.

The warmth that spread through Emma at those words both made her unbearably happy and unbelievably scared. Who knew such a small child could fill you with so many strong emotions?

***

“Okay,” Regina said. “Tell me again.”

Emma wasn’t annoyed that Regina kept pushing. This was way out of their comfort zone or anything they had tried before, so she understood. To Regina’s credit, she was acting very calm and composed, which helped ease Emma’s nerves. They were doing something unprecedented, after all.

“You’ll be there, even if I can’t see you,” she recited.

“And?” Regina pressed as she parked the car in the lot at The Dungeon.

“And if I start to feel unsafe, we’re going home.”

Regina smiled, and tucked a strand of Emma’s hair behind her ear. She was clad in a red hoodie and denim skirt, which was her usual favorite when going out Little. The snow hadn’t melted yet, so she was wearing her usual black boots instead of her sneakers, but she had to admit that she was looking forward to the warmer weather coming through this year. The fun of the snow had faded for her.

“Good girl,” Regina said. “I love you.”

Emma grinned. “I love you too.”

When they entered the club, Emma had her hand in Regina’s, being led as usual towards The Playpen where they found Elsa and Anna waiting for them.

“Emma!” Anna squealed, coming forward and grabbing Emma in a bear hug. As she did, she whispered in Emma’s ear. “Can you believe we have permission to get in troubles?”

Emma couldn’t help it. She giggled with Anna, who danced her eyebrows mischievously as they pulled away. “I’ve got a plan,” she said in a playfully dangerous tone.

Emma gave a sideways glance to Regina, who winked at her. Grinning, she looked back at Anna. “What is it?”

Anna was acting like Christmas had come early. She grabbed Emma’s hand and delightfully shuffled them out of The Playpen. Emma noticed that Elsa and Regina made it clear that they were deep in conversation and not paying much attention to their Littles. It wasn’t until that moment that Emma wondered how believable this part of their plan was going to be. Everyone who knew Regina knew that she was beyond protective of Emma. And everyone knew Regina. Along with that, everyone knew that Emma was pretty much attached to Regina’s hip.

The other Playpen goers that night were some usual’s that Emma hadn’t spent a lot of time with. The Little that had once taken Emma’s toy was there, but they were pretty engrossed in a game with another Little who Emma had talked to once or twice. Several others were involved in their own game of dress-up in each other’s clothes. She wondered if any of them would find her sudden escape strange.

Then again, nobody put anything passed Anna. She was always getting in trouble. And she delighted in taking Emma with her when she could.

At the moment, nobody seemed to be paying them much attention.

“Where are we going?” Emma asked.

“Killian’s by the bar,” Anna said conspiratorially, clearly enjoying her fun. She took out her phone from the pocket of her dress, and checked it, looking around, before she put it back in. “with some of the others. He texted me. We’re gunna go try and stir the pot.”

Emma grinned at Anna clearly relishing this game. She allowed her friend to take the lead, trekking them towards the bar, where Emma saw the fish darting about in their tank. The bartender saw them coming, and cocked an eyebrow at Emma, who dipped her head down and looked away. This particular bartender was somebody who would certainly be on Regina’s side about she and Anna sneaking a drink. She’d probably heard about the debacle several weeks ago.

Anna seemed to take no notice. Different from last time, she led Emma through the crowds, making a beeline for who knew where. Looking down at her boot-clad feet, Emma checked in with herself. She didn’t feel particularly Little; she had too much of a mission on her mind for that. However, getting the look from the bartender had placed a small grain of sand in her head about where she was and who she was supposed to be, and she knew those thoughts were only going to grow bigger and bigger as the tide of her emotions ebbed in and out.

That was how it always worked for her. She’d be one person one moment, and the other the next, usually brought on by something somebody did or said, the state of her comfortability level, what was on her mind.

But tonight, she had to keep her mind on Ruby, on finding out where she was. Regina had voiced the fear that both of them had: that Ruby wasn’t going to come back at all. That something irreversible had happened to her. But Emma just couldn’t go there. She had to take this one piece at a time, and if she started feeling like there was nothing or nobody left to find, she’d just lose all hope.

“What,” a voice broke her reverie as Emma realized that she and Anna had reached their destination. “are you two up to?” Killian asked, giving Emma and Anna a serious look from behind his pint of beer. He was clad in his usual black leather jacket and skin-tight black pants, but Emma saw that a blue scarf had been placed around his neck, and Ingrid was giggling as she whipped it off in one fluid tug.

Anna straightened herself, still clutching Emma’s hand. “The bartender won’t get Emma and I a drink. Will you do it?” she asked, giving Killian her best pleading expression.

Emma found herself slowly inching behind Anna as Ingrid’s attention turned to them, and she smiled. “I’ll do it,” she announced, and began to walk away.

But Killian put his hand out, stopping her. “Hold on,” he said. “Where’s Elsa and Regina?” Killian asked, still not taking his attention off Anna and Emma.

Ingrid rolled her eyes. “They’ll never know!” she announced, weaving away from Killian’s hand, who gave Emma and Anna a pointed look. Emma saw a gleam of mischief in his eyes as he did; he was ready for this game.

“She better hope not,” Mulan said, letting out an impressed breath as she watched Ingrid walk away. Aurora giggled behind her own pint at these words, but Belle did not look amused.

She gave Emma concerned eyes, and leaned in. “Hey,” she whispered. “You okay?” she gave Anna one sideways glance and leaned in closer to Emma. “You want me to get your mama?”

Emma realized then that Belle thought maybe Anna was pressuring her to do something she didn’t want to do, and that tide inched just a little further in. The protectiveness even her sub friends gave her always wrapped Emma in a warm blanket of comfort.

But she shook her head, both at Belle and herself, she felt. “Nuh uh,” she managed. “It’s okay.”

“’Course it’s okay,” Anna piped up, putting her arm around Emma’s shoulder in comradery. “My mommy said Emma and I had fifteen minutes of free time.”

Emma stole a glance at Belle and knew right away that that statement wasn’t being believed for one second, but Belle said nothing more.

Sean and Ashley walked up to their group. Ashley put her arms around Aurora, and the two exchanged their usual friendly hello’s while Sean looked at Emma, surprised. “Hey, Em,” he said. “Where’s Regina?”

Emma opened her mouth to speak, but realized that her throat had closed up. She wasn’t in the habit of making small talk with the Doms like Sean or Aurora. Come to think of it, Emma wasn’t sure she’d even spoken much to Killian at The Dungeon. When they were in a different environment with their close friends, sure. But here? When she was Little?

The tide drew inward, and she knew that a Little Emma wouldn’t answer him with too many words, so she pointed towards The Playpen.

At this, Ashley took notice, and gave both her and Anna a curious look. “Again? How do you two keep sneaking out?”

Anna piped up then. “I know how to do all sorts of things,” she said importantly, puffing out her chest, and making Killian snort into his pint of beer. Emma could see Anna keeping herself from tipping the pint right down his chin.

At that moment, Ingrid presented herself with an entire tray of jell-o shots. Emma looked down at the various colors, as Ingrid sang, “here we go! I have three for each of you. Thought you might like these.”

Anna’s face lit up as Aurora and Ashley’s mouths fell open. “Ingrid!” Ashley cried. “Regina’s going to kill you!”

“Elsa’s no powder puff either,” Aurora mumbled, eying the tray as if it were a grenade about to tick off.

Despite this all being part of the plan, and Emma having full knowledge that Regina was more than likely nearby and watching all of this unfold, she did feel a guilty pang hit her gut. Emma wasn’t generally in the habit of actively seeking ways to disobey Mama when she was Little. Even when Anna was in one of her feistier moods, she didn’t normally drag Emma down with her. Those tasks Emma was more than happy to leave up to Anna and Will.

But of course, this was part of the plan: get everyone loose and talking.

Anna didn’t hesitate to take one of the vials of jell-o shots and bring it to her lips. The green gelatin slid into her mouth, and she nudged Emma in the shoulder. “Take a red one. Go on!”

As Emma swallowed and timidly put her hand out, Ingrid put a hand over hers. “What do we say?” she asked.

Emma felt like she’d just been dunked in the arctic ocean. She wasn’t used to people trying to handle her, and realized that it was more than likely an unspoken rule that you didn’t put your hands on Regina’s Little unless you were very familiar with her. That being said, Emma was pretty sure that Ingrid was used to taking liberties she shouldn’t.

All of these thoughts whizzed through Emma’s head quicker than a blink of an eye, and she stood frozen in place as Ingrid’s hand lingered. That tide was completed submerged by a tsunami of panic, and Emma felt her mouth go dry and her knees shake. This was a bad idea. This had been a really, really, bad idea.

“Thanks very much, Miss Ingrid,” Anna piped up, shoving herself in between Emma and Ingrid. She made a playful show of pointing out all of the colors, sticking her face nearly all the way in the tray and assigning said colors between her and Emma. “I’ll take blue and green, but Emma can have yellow because she loves yellow. Do you love yellow?” Anna chimed on and on, buying time.

Buying Emma enough time to right herself and blink the panic away. What were they even doing?

“I do love yellow,” Ingrid answered, seeming to not notice the chaos she had just caused in Emma’s head.

“You seen Ruby, Emma?” Killian cut in, and Emma nearly jumped at both being addressed, and having Ruby’s name mentioned.

She looked at him with wide eyes, and for a moment wondered how the hell she was supposed to respond. Of course, in her panic, she was responding exactly the way that she would have responded had she been truly in Little Space. She’d just gape at whatever Dom was talking to her and shrug or nod or something else nonsensical. That’s exactly what she was doing in that moment.

Luckily, Ingrid’s hand had drifted away from hers, along with the attention she’d been paying to Emma since Anna had thrust herself in the middle. It gave Emma a bit more sense of security even as Anna placed one of the jell-o sliders into her hand.

“No,” she shrugged. “I think she’s working.”

Aurora sighed and shrugged. “Working too much, if you ask me,” she said. “She won’t return my calls. Maybe she’s just avoiding us. Pulling a Regina.”

Emma gaped at Aurora in question, until it dawned on her that Regina’s disappearance last year had been rather infamous at the time.

“Oh!” Belle hopped on the balls of her feet excitedly. “Maybe she’s found a permanent sub! Or even a Little,” she winked at Emma, who immediately felt her nerves calm at the familiar friendly face.

“Nuh uh!” Anna chimed in, taking another jell-o shot out of the tray and tipping it back. Emma couldn’t help but be impressed by her friend’s ability to knock them down. She took her own shot, savoring the feeling of the slight numbness in her head as she gulped it down. “She’d call you, huh Emma?” As she said it, Anna gave Emma a pointed look. It snapped Emma out of it just enough to nod her head.

“Yup,” she said, quickly taking another vial from the tray to lodge down her throat. The numbness was helping, even if only a little.

Ashley, looking at her own drink, shrugged. “Last time I saw her was when we were all here the other night,” she said Killian’s way, indicating it had been the evening they had all been there together last.

As he nodded, Mulan gave a pinched look. “That’s weird, isn’t it? That she hasn’t said anything to any of us?”

“Not so weird,” Philip argued, though Emma figured he would probably jump in at any time to contradict Mulan about anything. Their relationship, Emma knew, was semi-strained. Mulan had mistakenly fallen for Aurora some time back, and although Aurora didn’t return her feelings, she did like to keep Mulan around for Play and friendship. Philip was okay with the arrangement for Aurora’s sake, but the two had a passive aggressive relationship at the best of times. “Remember she did that like a year ago? Just kinda took off? Turns out she was just moving.”

Emma said nothing. She’d been very busy moving herself last year, and hadn’t put much thought into Ruby’s attendance at The Dungeon or with any of her other friends outside of their close circle. She didn’t realize Ruby had taken a small break when she and Zelena had gotten their apartment, but it made sense.

“Hey Killian, speaking of moving, you going to help me out next weekend, brother?” Philip asked.

Emma’s head snapped Philip’s way at his remark. It wasn’t what he had said that concerned her. Philip worked with his father at a construction company, and there were plenty of odd jobs to go around. Killian, being a security guard at a bank, wasn’t opposed to picking up a few of those odd jobs to help when he could. It was more the way that he said it. He seemed in a big hurry to change the subject.

Emma saw Killian’s eyes dart her way before smiling at Philip. “I could use some extra cash.”

“Great. We’re moving a ton of equipment. You’d be helping a lot.”

The conversation moved forward, and Ruby was forgotten. Emma looked around to the various faces in the group, particularly Philip, to see if any of them looked relieved at the change in subject. But one thing she knew was common in her line of work was overthinking reactions. All in all, nobody had seemed especially uncomfortable or interested in the subject. Ruby was brought up as a side note, and quickly cast aside again as they all moved on to other things.

Anna had grabbed hold of the tray of jell-o shots from Ingrid’s hands. There was one shot left with Anna already taking three, and Emma having had two.

“That last one is yours,” Ingrid said to Emma. Emma couldn’t help but think she was being given a rather severe look, and gulped. Had this been any other time, the idea of a Domme buying her drinks and shoving them down her throat would have been absolutely scandalous.

And that fact wasn’t lost on the rest of the group, who had no idea what Emma, Anna, and Killian were really up to.

“Ingrid, seriously,” Aurora said, looking around nervously. “That wasn’t a smart idea.”

Ingrid just rolled her eyes, saying, “oh please. We’re surrounded by a bunch of people. Regina can’t see. Besides, these two are clearly out to look for trouble.” She winked, and Emma felt her face get very hot.

“Yeah,” Mulan mumbled. “That’s kind of the point?”

If Emma hadn’t been looking down at her feet by then, she might have seen that Mulan looked very uncomfortable with the situation. She felt a hand on the small of her back and looked up to see Belle giving her a friendly smile. “Wanna go back to The Playpen?” she asked. She saw Belle and Mulan exchange understanding looks, and Emma remembered the Regina had mentioned they were starting to see each other now.

The last time Emma had been in this situation, Ruby had been there, and didn’t hesitate to take Emma and Anna back where they belonged. Now perhaps Mulan and Belle felt that was the best course of action, and since Ruby wasn’t there, it was up to them.

“She’s fine,” Ingrid said without looking at Belle at all. In fact, she was still staring at Emma expectantly.

Emma already felt light-headed. Whether that was because of the alcohol, the situation, or all of the above, she wasn’t sure. She was still recovering from the wave that had crashed over her consciousness not long ago, hoping she would land on her feet when she did. But the truth was, this place had a power over her, a hold on her emotions, and it didn’t help that the group she was with was treating her like the Little they knew her to be. It really didn’t help that Ingrid was practically forcing herself on Emma, and that made her more than uncomfortable and really wish Regina were there. She didn’t like Ingrid at all.

“Let’s go, love,” Killian stepped in, and Emma realized he must have seen the turmoil swirling round in her head. He began to try and guide Emma away, but Ingrid interjected.

“Great, Anna can stay here then.”

Anna whirled around to say something, Emma having the distinct impression she was about to give Ingrid the boot, when an arm was around Emma’s waist.

She knew that arm. She could point it out from a thousand others. Regina had arrived.

“I’ll take that,” Regina said coolly, gently removing the jell-o shot from Emma’s hand and throwing it back herself. She made a satisfied noise and placed the vial back on the tray, taking it from Anna’s hands and forcing it back into Ingrid’s. “Now,” she said in her most commanding voice as the rest of the group had frozen on the spot, all staring wide-eyed at Regina and waiting for The Queen to explode. “Who wants to explain?”

Elsa was at Anna’s side, grabbing firmly to her arm, but Anna pulled away. “Miss Ingrid bought us jell-o in all different colors. I had green and blue and…”

“That’s enough, Anna,” Elsa snapped.

“It was just a bit of fun, Regina,” Ingrid said, rolling her eyes for what Emma noted must have been the hundredth time. Though she was satisfied to see that Ingrid didn’t look nearly as relaxed as she had a few minutes before. It was a lot easier for her to try and bowl over Belle and Mulan. But not Regina and Elsa.

“A bit of fun?” Elsa cut through before Regina could say anything, and Emma had the impression that she was genuinely upset. This wasn’t part of the undercover act. She and Anna were not going to get in trouble for drinking, because their plan was to get everyone loose and talking. But Ingrid hadn’t known that. Nor anybody else except for Killian. “You served my Little One shot after shot? What the hell, Ingrid?”

“We told her,” Belle said nervously, eyeing Regina sideways to gauge her anger. Regina didn’t respond. She seemed to be shooting lasers into Ingrid’s face. That being said, she didn’t look outraged. She looked menacing, like she was amused at the audacity.

“It isn’t my fault you can’t keep an eye on your subs or discipline them,” Ingrid said, her tone matching the cool foreboding expression on Regina’s face.

A noise came out of Sean and Philip, who gave each other wide eyes, while Ashley and Aurora latched onto each other with what looked like delight. Emma imagined this was very entertaining.

She wasn’t entertained. The last thing they needed was Regina and Ingrid throwing down on the floor of the bar.

“You don’t get to say…” Elsa started, but Anna piped up again. Emma had to give her credit; she had a lot of nerve.

“I have a very good mommy, and so does Emma!” And with that, she held her chin up high, turned on her heel, grabbed Elsa’s arm, and stalked away.

To Emma’s surprise, Regina just looked at her with a smile, and took Emma’s hand gently. “Come on, sweetheart. Let’s go play with your friends.”

As they started to walk away, Ingrid had the nerve to call to them, and Emma had a hard time keeping her temper under control. “So that’s your response?” she gave a laugh, but Emma heard the uncertainty in it all the same.

Regina barely turned her head, but did just enough for Ingrid to hear. “I think Anna said all there is to say. Have a nice night, everyone,” she said the last part with a bit more bite, and Emma knew it was a clear indication to the rest of the group that she wasn’t happy with them.

As they walked behind Elsa and Anna back to The Playpen, Emma let out a breath, and didn’t realize until then that she had been holding one in. It felt nice. The tide, she realized, was leaving. Regina was here now…Mama was here. Emma pressed her hand more firmly into Regina’s. The warmth calmed her.

“You doing okay?” Regina’s voice was very different from a moment ago; soft and concerned.

Emma had to smile to herself. She felt ten thousand times better than she had a few moments ago. “I’m impressed,” she said.

Regina gave her a sideways smile. “And why’s that, dear?”

Dear. Emma didn’t hear that one too often. It usually came up when Regina was miffed about something. So, she was not in a good mood. Emma doubted it was anything she herself had done.

“I was expecting you and Ingrid to end up in a brawl.”

At that, Regina let out a laugh. “She wishes. Which was exactly why I essentially ignored her. Nothing upsets a troll more than not getting a rise out of people.”

“But…she did get a rise out of you.”

Again, Regina laughed, but there wasn’t any humor in it. “I’m fucking fuming. But she’ll be squirming all night trying to figure out where she went wrong that I didn’t take the bait. That’s enough revenge for me.”

“You’re scandalous,” Emma said wide-eyed, amused.

Regina gave her a sideways grin that Emma recognized well during their Play. “They don’t call me The Queen for nothing, my love. I know how to play a game. Even ones I don’t particularly enjoy,” she said the last part as if something unpleasant was in her mouth. “Find anything interesting out?” she said as they got to The Playpen. Elsa and Anna were holding the mesh door open, and as the four of the reconvened together, Emma sighed.

“Besides learning what a bitch Ingrid can be? No. Killian brought Ruby up. Aurora said she’d been trying to call Ruby with no luck. Ashley thought it was weird, but nobody really seemed very concerned or uncomfortable.”

“I was watching their faces,” Anna nodded. “Nobody looked like they had much to hide.”

“Philip changed the subject pretty quickly,” Emma mused aloud “I’m not sure if it means anything.”

Anna nodded. “I think he was just being absentminded. If he doesn’t think it’s a big deal, he won’t care enough to keep the conversation going.”

Elsa’s shoulders sagged, and she crossed her arms over her chest. “Well, I’m not very surprised.”

As everyone looked at her, she shrugged. “What? Look, I’m not so sure Ruby’s close circle had much to do with it. I think if it was anybody in The Scene, it involves her more underground dealings, if you know what I mean?”

Regina sighed. “Then I guess we’re going to have to rely on Killian getting a few private invites. And maybe David and Mary Margaret overhearing something.”

As if on queue, Killian trotted up. “I told them I came over to apologize. You guys okay?” He had addressed all of them, but was looking pointedly at Emma.

She nodded. “Did we miss anything?”

Killian had a hard time keeping his grin under control. “Only Ingrid going on about how she’d discipline the two of you if you were her Littles. She brought up a very uncomfortable sounding switch.”

Anna gleefully turned to Elsa. “I know I didn’t technically do anything wrong, but I’m not opposed to punishment tonight!”

As Elsa snorted and rolled her eyes, Emma saw Regina’s eyes flare up. If smoke was physically capable of coming out of her ears, it probably would have. “You tell that insufferable cunt to keep Emma _out_ of her fantasies of physical punishments.”

Emma’s mouth nearly dropped to the floor as Elsa and Anna’s eyes bugged out.

“Damn, Regina,” Elsa said carefully. “Don’t know if I’ve ever heard you use that word.”

Emma, if she hadn’t been impressed before, was much more so now. And she also felt something else creeping into her stomach and settling there. She couldn’t help the smirk that came over her face as she looked down to try and hide it while Killian stumbled over his words. “Just…relaying what she said. Do you…uh…really want me to tell her that?”

Regina fumed hotter. “Of course not!”

“Anyway,” he said nervously. “Nobody said anything else about Ruby.”

“Do you have any invites to parties?” Emma asked.

Killian looked grateful to have the subject changed. “Yeah. Got one coming up later this week. I’ll keep you posted.”

They spent another couple of hours at The Dungeon, mainly to make it seem like their visit was all normal. And as time went on, Emma was able to unwind from her sleuthing and sit to relax and watch Anna torment some of the other Littles with her rules in various games. The jell-o shots had worn off long before then, but the feeling that had been left in her tummy by Regina’s sudden outrage kept her mind on her Mama, and every now and then she’d go to sit with Regina. As she rested her head in Mama’s lap, her hair would be pet, a kiss would be placed at her temple. When she was playing with her Little friends, Mama would come and check on her too, a quick little pat to Emma’s bottom to let Emma know she was there before she went back to Elsa and the other Caregivers.

When they finally were on their way home, Emma couldn’t keep her hands to herself. She kept rubbing up and down Regina’s arm leg, leering at her. Regina kept smirking and giving her sideways glances. “What’s got you all hot and bothered?” she finally commented.

“You know what,” Emma licked her lips.

She saw Regina roll her eyes and her smirk grew. “My getting angry turns you on?”

Emma shook her head. “Sort of, but…it’s what you got angry about.”

“You think it’s hot that I threaten people who want to hurt you.”

Emma chuckled. “Uh, yeah. It’s pretty hot.”

Again, Regina shot her a sideways look, and this time, the mischievousness could not be mistaken. “Then color me the sexiest thing on the planet right now, Little One. Nobody gets to lay a finger on you, and they’re lucky I let them walk away from even musing it out loud.”

Any self-control Emma had vanished out the window, and her mouth was on Regina’s neck as she strained the seatbelt. A laugh escaped Regina’s lips as her hand gripped Emma’s thigh. “Okay, tiger. Almost home…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter got way too long, so sorry for the cliffhanger. But hey, it'll make for more fun next time! And trust me...they're going to have fun.


	13. Crime and Punishment

By the time they reached the apartment, Regina had to pry Emma off her. Her anger at Ingrid’s audacity had been slowly chipped away at in the car. Emma made sure she put other thoughts in Regina’s head. And they were welcome. Thinking about Ingrid, or really anybody, wanting to physically punish Emma…

“Mommy…” a whimper against her neck as Emma’s breath came out hot and heavy on her skin, and Regina’s brain was wiped clean. Her whole being wrapped around that voice and the need she could feel coming from Emma as she was pressed against the wall, hands all over her, legs practically wrapping around her as they stood up.

Emma needed distracting too. That much was clear. She’d done well at The Dungeon, but Regina couldn’t say it hadn’t had any effect at all on Emma’s headspace. She was in that in between place that Regina loved. Not quite Little, but not completely adult. Pleading. Breathless. Submissive.

Perfect.

It felt like it had been forever since she’d had Emma in this place, and she was suddenly very grateful that Zelena had cancelled on them that night.

“What, baby?” she purred, allowing Emma to paw at her for a few more moments, letting her think that she was going to get to have her way. She loved the false hope being dashed from Emma’s face only to be replaced with the begging and the bliss Regina brought her way as a reward.

“Want you…” Emma murmured, and Regina felt herself practically melt at the sound of those words. But she boldened herself, waiting for the perfect time to make Emma roll over for her. In the meantime, she allowed herself to stay pressed against the wall, patient.

Cradling the back of Emma’s head to encourage the suckling against her pulse point, Regina whispered, “tell me. Tell Mama what you want.”

Emma only whined in response, and that was the first infraction. She knew she was supposed to use her words. It also told Regina that it was time to take charge, because she clearly needed to guide her Little One tonight.

So she grabbed hold of the hands that were all over her, and flipped their positions. Emma landed against the wall with a gentle thud, a grunt escaping her as she faced the wall with her hands behind her back, Regina holding her wrists and pressing against her ever so slightly.

She leaned in and whispered in Emma’s ear with her Queen voice. “I asked you a question, didn’t I?”

A tiny whimper and a nod was the answer, and though that sent a pleasant buzz down Regina’s core that she had rendered Emma speechless, it was another infraction.

“Words Emma. Now.”

“Yes, Mama. You did.”

“And…?” Regina waited.

Emma was already breathless, so it took a moment for her to answer. Also, Regina knew that getting Emma to say exactly what she wanted could be a challenge when she was so hot and bothered. “Punishment,” she said.

The pleasant buzz turned into a shock of electricity, and Regina worked hard to not show she was shivering. She wasn’t sure if it worked, but she leaned forward and placed a kiss just below Emma’s jaw. “Good girl,” she praised, letting go of Emma’s wrists to feel around Emma’s frame. She had been expecting that admission based on Emma’s reaction to her anger.

But she would tread carefully anyway. Punishment was Emma’s favorite way of escaping whatever was going on in her head, which was cathartic for them both. However, there was much more going on now than usual, and Emma had just had a very confusing evening. Regina would be watching her like a hawk while they Played.

To answer Emma’s plea, Regina unzipped Emma’s hoodie from behind, and helped her shrug it off. As soon as Emma was free of it, Regina forced Emma’s hands against the wall. “Keep them right there,” she said in her best warning tone. “Do you understand?”

Now that Emma had on just a t-shirt, Regina could see the goosebumps raise on Emma’s arms from the command, and Emma nodded.

At the nonverbal response, Regina lifted Emma’s skirt, tore down her boy shorts to her knees, and smacked Emma’s bare ass. A cry of surprise and what sounded like relief escaped Emma, and Regina pressed against her again. “Do. You. Understand?” she asked slowly.

“Yes,” Emma shivered out, and though Regina could feel Emma wiggle her ass against her to cause friction, Regina let it slide for now. She was pulling back away anyway, moving down to unzip Emma’s snow boots and help her step out of them. She took the boy shorts and skirt with it, and Emma stood against the wall, legs sprawled wearing nothing below the waist.

Regina took the scarf she herself had been wearing, and tied it around Emma’s head, covering her eyes. As she did, she muttered in her ear: “You are going to stay right where you are. And you’re going to count to one hundred. If you move, I’ll know it. Do you understand?”

Emma was nodding fervently. “Yes, Mama. I understand.”

Regina gave her one appreciative pat on her rump and then began walking down the hallway. “That’s more like it. Start counting,” she called.

She counted herself as she went into the bedroom to grab what she wanted: Emma’s harness and a smaller strap-on for herself. She was still buzzing with anticipation, but now being away from Emma, she felt that anger building back up, and the anxiety too. Emma had earned this little reprieve. _She_ had earned this little reprieve. But there was such a huge part of her that without the distraction right in front of her, she could feel the events of that night start to consume every fiber of her being. So she made quick work undressing herself and buckling the strap-on to her hips, grabbing a few other items she wanted to use.

When she returned to their entryway, Emma was still against the wall, counting out loud. But her breaths were loud and guttural, as if she were doused in pleasure. Regina saw that one of Emma’s hands had disappeared from the wall and was hidden in between her legs.

She wasted no time in taking Emma’s wrists in hers and marching her to the couch. Emma gave a little cry of protest at having her source of pleasure taken away, but Regina silenced her quickly by forcing a paci into Emma’s mouth from behind. As she did, she bent Emma over the armrest of the sofa, and smacked her butt hard.

Emma squealed, the paci falling from her mouth and onto the couch.

Rubbing Emma’s bottom soothingly, Regina cooed, “did I say you could touch yourself?”

“You didn’t say I couldn’t,” came the breathless answer, and Regina had to hide her impressed scoff at the impotence of that answer. She rubbed just a little harder against Emma’s bottom.

“I told you not to move,” she replied amicably, almost sweetly. “And you disobeyed. So now,” she leaned down and picked the paci up, pressing her lips to the shell of Emma’s ear. “We’re going to review our colors.” As she said this, she made sure that her strap on pressed against the bottom cheek she had just smacked. She felt Emma give a knowing gasp; it was clear which strap on it was and what it was used for based on its small size. She felt Emma tremble, and the delight it caused her made her feel wetness pool at the strap in between her own legs.

“Green is a go,” Emma whispered breathlessly. “Yellow is a slow. Red is a no.”

“Mm…” Regina brought the pacifier to Emma’s lips, whispering: “And if you can’t talk? What are our colors?” Emma took the paci, and Regina saw and felt her suckle on it feverishly. It sent a tremble of pleasure down Regina’s spine. Emma made a fist in the air like she was holding a bouquet. “Green. Good. And yellow?” she asked. Emma opened her hand and closed it again, repeating the motion rapidly. “And red?” Regina continued. Emma tapped out on the couch, making Regina kiss Emma’s cheek. “What a good memory,” she teased lightly. “You are not to let the pacifier fall. You keep that in your mouth. Do you understand?”

“Mmhm,” Emma mumbled through her suckling, nodding.

But as Regina backed away and brought the harness to Emma’s feet, ordering, “step in,” Emma’s legs began to tremble.

She stepped in quickly, but Regina heard her say clear as day. “Fuck…yes. Please.” The pacifier had fallen out.

Regina brought the harness up to Emma’s hips, but let it sit there unbuckled as she rose herself up to her full height. She smacked her hand down hard on Emma’s bare bottom three times in quick succession, and Emma let out a pitiful cry that sounded like a pleading. As Regina spanked her twice more, she brought her hand down to Emma’s slit and felt the wetness there trickling down her legs.

Leaning back down, Regina brought the pacifier back to her partner’s mouth, who took it and began suckling as Regina kissed her jawline. “You’re so wet. You’re so wet for me, baby.”

Emma hummed around the pacifier, Regina feeling her trying to cause friction at her bottom.

“Mama’s got to get you in your harness. Spread your legs. And don’t move." The order was gentle as she made sure Emma was wet enough to take the plug, slicking Emma’s wetness over her folds and inserting a finger briefly inside to prepare her. Emma groaned, her legs spreading wider and her knees buckling. All her weight was on the couch now as Regina brought her finger out from Emma’s hot center and replaced it with the plug. It found its place with a satisfying pop that was echoed by a brief moan of relief from Emma, and Regina watched in fascination as Emma moved her hips against the armrest to cause some friction.

It gave Regina the little excuse she needed to swat Emma’s bottom again, and the yelp that her partner released sent another wave of pleasure through Regina that went right through her own opening. She felt more wetness slide down the inside of her thigh, and knew if she didn’t take Emma soon, she was going to go mad with desire.

“Don’t. Move.” She hissed as she brought her hand down again, this time leaving it on the red and angry flesh after the crack of skin on skin. Then she dipped her hand lower to spread Emma’s legs more to gather some of the wetness at her opening. She made sure she had enough, but Emma was so soaked that there was plenty to go around. She traveled it back to Emma’s puckered hole and made sure that she lubed her up well.

The harness Emma was wearing had a clit stimulator just above the plug, and at the same time that Regina made sure that stimulator was in place with her free hand, she inserted her wet finger into Emma’s ass.

The sound that escaped Emma was nothing compared to the way her body reacted. Her knees gave way even more than before, and she both stuck her rear out farther and tilted her head back as if to howl. Once the stimulator was in place, she picked up the remote control for the harness that she’d set aside, and turned it on to the lowest setting.

As she moved her finger against Emma’s tight walls, she felt the vibrations going through her partner’s body. “You already want to come,” Regina mused out loud as she removed her finger, put the remote down, and lined her strap-on up to Emma’s hole, making sure she covered it with enough of Emma’s juices so she didn’t hurt her. Regina leaned down to put her lips close to Emma’s ear, and husked, “But you won’t for a long, long time.” And then she let the strap-on sink into Emma’s puckered entrance.

Emma mewled around her pacifier as Regina pulled back out slowly, grabbing Emma’s hips to not only make sure she entered her right, but to keep Emma from sliding down the armrest since her legs had practically given out on her. Regina found a slow, steady rhythm as she drove the strap-on into her partner, feeling the resistance from how tight Emma was. She watched the phallus disappear with fascination, bringing a hand down to clap against Emma’s bare bottom. It earned her a muffled scream, and Emma began to whimper continuously.

“That’s it,” Regina encouraged, smacking Emma’s butt cheek again, timing it perfectly for when the toy was in Emma all the way up to the hilt. She knew the friction would be unbelievable. “My helpless girl,” she murmured. “Are you my bad girl?”

Emma made as close to an affirming sound as possible, and Regina took it as a prompt to spank her twice in a row. As she did, she picked up the pace just slightly on taking Emma from behind. She saw Emma’s butt turn bright red, even against her blushed skin from her blood pumping so hard. Regina felt her own heart pounding. Watching Emma in these positions always set her on fire. She never even needed to be touched. Even so, the aching in her core was torturous as she leaned down, pressing closure to Emma as she thrust the toy inside and pulled out. “If you want to let go,” she whispered in Emma’s ear, referring to the paci, “you’ll need to take it harder. Can you do that, my love? Can you take it without coming?”

She saw from behind the resolve on Emma’s face as she nodded, and Regina bit down on Emma’s earlobe as she reached for the remote control to turn the clit vibrator up.

The moment she did, the pacifier fell to the couch cushion, and Emma’s eyes rolled in the back of her head as her jaw dropped. Regina partnered the higher pressure on Emma’s swollen button with a deep thrust inside, and she stayed there, moving her hips to cause delicious friction.

“Oh!” Emma moaned, throwing her head back to rest it against Regina’s waiting shoulder. “Mama…I need to come…”

Regina answered by rocking against Emma harder and cracking her hand down on the side of Emma’s bottom. At Emma’s cry, Regina whispered lowly in her ear. “You won’t. You won’t unless I say you can.”

“N..no!” Emma cried, a force in her voice that Regina imagined had been an accident.

She imagined right. Emma’s eyes flew open, and searched to the side for Regina’s reaction to the insolence. And Regina didn’t disappoint. She rose to her feet and slowly pulled out. The absence was felt strongly by the pare of them, but Regina didn’t let the cry of disappointment from her partner deter her. Instead, she stepped back and gave Emma four solid spankings.

Emma’s hips thrust back and forth even though she cried in desperation, sobbing out an apology. “I didn’t mean…”

“To give me a command?” Regina asked sweetly, rubbing lightly on Emma’s abused bottom. “Well,” she mused. “Too late, isn’t it?”

Emma sunk her face into the cushions and let out a sob, but her hips still thrust against the piece of furniture since her clit was still being massaged by the vibrator. Regina could see the plug in Emma’s vagina held by a vice grip from Emma’s walls. She leaned over and took Emma under the arms to help her on her feet.

Emma’s body weight immediately fell back against Regina for support, and for a moment, she held Emma from behind. “Sshh…” she soothed, rubbing a reassuring hand over Emma’s tummy. All of Emma’s body was shaking, and Regina nuzzled against Emma’s jaw. “Check in with me, my love,” she whispered.

Emma gave a shivering whimper. “Wanna come…”

Regina hummed in response. “A moment ago, you needed to. Which one is it?” she asked sweetly, as if she were inquiring if Emma wanted milk or juice.

Emma only responded with a mewl, her knees beginning to buckle.

Regina chuckled and said against Emma’s ear. “You’re coming to the bedroom with me. Come on…” she began to walk backward, making movements like she was going to let Emma go, and the cry of anguish Emma let loose sent a new wave of wetness out of Regina’s opening. She could barely stand it herself…her pussy was throbbing. But she kept her composure, taking Emma’s hand. “Come on, baby. You can walk yourself.”

Emma looked like she was being asked to hold the world up. Her eyes were wild as Regina calmly took the remote control for the harness and turned the volume up one more notch.

She watched with relish as Emma clamped her legs together. She was about to lose control of her legs, and she gave Regina a piteous look.

“Come on, baby,” Regina coaxed, taking hold of one of Emma’s hands to try and encourage her to walk. This would be impossible, of course. She’d done this with Emma before. There was no way Emma was going to make it down the hall and into their bedroom with the thick plug of the harness deep inside her and the clit stimulator on any volume.

“Mama…” Emma whimpered.

Regina tightened her grip on Emma’s hand. “Do you need to use your colors?” she asked sweetly, knowing full well that wasn’t the route Emma was wanting to take. Emma’s eyes confirmed this for her as they widened. At no point did Emma want the source of her pleasure taken away. What she wanted was to be allowed to lay down and let her body loose to fully succumb to it. Shaking her head fervently, Emma didn’t move. “Then come on.”

Regina pulled gently on Emma’s hand, who took two careful steps before she closed her legs tightly again. “Oh, god!” she mewled, throwing herself against her mama, who let it happen for the time being. Emma walking only caused more friction that didn’t allow her legs to work.

Regina kissed Emma’s cheek sweetly before murmuring into her ear. “You aren’t allowed to come until we get in bed, sweetheart,” she explained, ignoring the trembling whimper out of Emma in response. “And Mama can’t carry you.”

“Please…” Emma locked her arms around Regina’s neck, biting down on her shoulder. Regina felt the whole of Emma trembling, and Emma began rocking her hips against Regina’s. If she didn’t pull away, Emma was going to start humping her, and then there’d be no turning back. For herself either. Having Emma against her like this was a sweet torture. “Mama…please!”

“Aw, babygirl…” Regina cooed. “What’s the matter? Is it too much for you?”

“Can’t make it…” Emma breathed. “Can’t do it…”

Regina gave a tiny pat to Emma’s bottom, and even that little bit of friction caused a tidal wave through her partner. Emma’s teeth came down on her skin again, and she started humping. It was time to pull away.

As she did, Emma fell to her knees, her hand going to the clit stimulator and pressing against it. She bucked her hips in the air, and Regina was quick to lean down and take the hand away. “Now, yes you can,” she encouraged. “What does Mama always say? I know you can do it, baby. You just need to believe in yourself.”

Emma seemed to take the words to heart, and she sucked in a breath, looking to steady herself. Regina watched her body at war with itself, feeling the ache in her own body growing. Fuck…

“Maybe Mama’s baby can’t walk right now. Maybe she needs to crawl.”

She took a small step back, and to her delight, Emma put her hands on the floor and moved towards her. Regina clapped as she heightened her voice. “Good girl, Emma! Come on. Follow Mama.”

She kept stepping backward, watching Emma follow her slowly. Emma would stop every few crawls as the pleasure would overpower her to try and gain her wits again. Regina nearly came on the spot watching her. The visual was breathtaking. She had to steady her mind to not take Emma right there.

When they had made it halfway down the hallway, Emma took longer than Regina wanted, impatient to finally be inside her. She turned up the clit stimulator one more notch, making Emma curl in on herself and let out a sob.

“Oh no,” Regina chuckled, leaning down to get Emma back to her crawling position. As she did, Emma tried to latch on.

“Mama. Feels so good,” she breathed out.

“Come on, sweet girl,” she cooed. “Come to Mama…” she opened her hands and stepped back. “Come on,” she coaxed.

Emma closed her eyes momentarily as a wave of pleasure came over her, and she moaned as she crawled forward.

“So close,” Regina encouraged. She was nearly to the door of their bedroom. “So close and then your punishment’s over.”

“Need to come,” Emma whimpered, and as she tried to crawl, her legs closed again as tight as she could get them while shifting her knees on the floor. She began panting. “Need to come.”

“Look at Mama. Come on, Em. You can do it.”

Emma took the last three paces so slowly, Regina didn’t think she was going to make it. She came dangerously close to her release, and Regina was about to join her. So the second she hit the threshold, Regina was kneeling down and gathering Emma in her arms. “That’s my girl,” she husked, practically tossing both of them on the bed.

Regina was impatient. She collected her steady flow of wetness at her own opening to lube the phallus, and then lined it up with Emma’s puckered hole again as Emma lay on her back and writhed underneath her. She entered Emma without hesitation, and was rewarded by Emma letting out the sweetest moan of relief.

“Fuck…” Regina grunted in Emma’s ear, pressing their bodies impossibly close together as she thrust inside. “Emma…you’re so tight.”

Emma’s hands were on Regina’s cheeks then, forcing them to look at one another. Regina could see how far gone Emma was, how lost in it all.

“Baby…” she murmured, trying to keep herself from pushing too hard. She herself was over stimulated, the throbbing in between her legs growing as she held Emma close, and she needed to be mindful not to hurt her partner. “Give me your color.”

“I’m green,” Emma whimpered. “I’m so fucking green.”

“Are you gunna come for me?”

Emma lost her words, but nodded before throwing her head back. Her body froze underneath Regina. Legs wrapped around Regina’s middle as Emma hit her peek. Relishing the feeling, memorizing every line of Emma’s face in that moment, Regina kept herself buried deep inside. She felt the vibration of the clit stimulator on her own sex, not nearly doing the job is was doing on Emma. She held tighter as Emma began shaking, crying out as her climax rushed out of her.

“I’m so proud of you, my love,” she whispered, kissing every part of Emma she could find. “I’m so proud…” and she picked up the remote and turned the stimulator off.

Emma’s body began to come down from its high, unwind. She was glistening with sweat, her breathing deep and satisfied. Regina pulled out slowly, making Emma squirm just a little. “You okay?” she asked.

Emma nodded, a drunken grin spreading across her face. Regina grinned back.

“Good girl,” she praised, carefully working to unlatch the buckles of Emma’s harness. She pulled the plug out as smoothly as she could, though it still earned her a whimper from her overly stimulated girl. Stepping out of her own harness, Regina lay back down, sprawling herself out next to Emma and pulling her into an embrace.

Emma moaned with satisfaction as Regina pivoted on her side. She threw her leg over Emma’s waist, exposing herself as she began petting through yellow hair. “Touch Mama, Little One,” she murmured at the same time that she guided a breast to Emma’s mouth.

At once, hot lips sucked in a peaked nipple, and fingers were massaging through her folds. Regina released an involuntary low moan against the top of Emma’s head as she felt her milk leaving her and the aching in between her legs being satiated. “Oh,” she crooned, her breathing picking up as she held Emma closely. “That’s it. Just like that.”

Emma’s fingers found her clit, and rubbed excruciatingly slow circles over it. A moan vibrated against her areola, and Regina didn’t think she could stand it anymore. She felt so good…

The wetness in between her legs was sounding off the walls as she felt the fingers enter her. Emma could sense how far gone she was, because she didn’t spend time preparing Regina. It was clear how swollen and ready she was. “Yes. Fuck me, baby.”

Emma’s lips released her nipple for just a moment, and she whimpered against Regina’s glistening skin before latching back on and suckling hard. As she did, she thrust in and out, her fingers hitting that spongy spot right at Regina’s opening that always made her weak.

“Emma…” she murmured. “Harder.”

Emma obliged, and the aching that had been killing Regina since they began to Play started fading away, replaced by that familiar feeling of her orgasm approaching. It wasn’t going to take long; she was far too over stimulated for that. A feverish suck of her milk that would have hurt if they were only cuddling sent a wave of painful pleasure down Regina’s spine, and she pivoted her hips to meet ready fingers. Emma’s knuckles were pounding against the tight ring of her opening now, teeth just barely nibbling at her soft flesh.

“Baby!” she cried, hand cradling Emma’s head against her, making sure she didn’t leave, Regina bucked against those beautiful fingers once, twice, and she was gone. Her body seized up as everything came to a delicious head, and she was locked in her pleasure before she lost all control. She began writhing on the spot as the contractions hit her. Emma still managed to beckon her milk, and that just made the high that much more powerful. She felt her cunt trapping Emma’s fingers inside, making sure they went nowhere so that she could get as much from her peek as possible. The sounds coming out of her made no sense, but they clearly encouraged her partner to continue with the motions that were driving her wild.

It seemed to last and last as visuals of Emma crawling towards her on the floor danced through her mind, the feeling of her right now pulling at Regina’s heartstrings. She tumbled through her orgasm until she was a panting, spent body of mush. Eyes closed and heart pounding, Regina just lay there and let her body calm down.

As she did, she felt soft little suckles against her nipple; Emma was just gently nursing, tongue lapping tenderly. The fingers were still inside of her, just barely nudging against her walls.

“My sweet girl,” she chanted. “My sweet little girl…”

In a few moments, she’d need to get up, clean them up, wrap Emma up in a diaper. But for now, she just wanted to feel this way for as long as she could.

***

_Five and a Half Months Ago_

“Is there something in my teeth?” Ruby asked with a sly smile.

Caught, Zelena perked herself up and shook her head, realizing far too late she had been staring. “Sorry,” she mumbled. “Thinking…”

“Yeah,” Ruby said as she threw more popcorn in her mouth. “I can hear your brain from over here. What’s with you tonight?”

Zelena was on her fourth glass of wine, so she decided not to answer right away. She wasn’t always so elegant when she was this juiced up. She hadn’t meant to get so sauced, but fucking hell she was a wreck. It had been over a week since Ruby had strapped her to the ceiling and restrained her in the most surprisingly beautiful night of her life, and try as she might, Zelena couldn’t get it out of her head.

The morning after, she’d thought that maybe she was still drunk from too much the night before, because she was still pleasantly buzzing instead of her usual brain-shrinking headache. And she was giddy like a god damned schoolgirl. When was the last time alcohol had made her _giddy_? But she chalked it up to a new experience.

When the afternoon rolled in, and she still felt herself smiling stupidly like she’d just received a box of chocolates from a secret admirer. Even Archie noticed.

“You’re looking awfully chipper,” he observed with his usual smile. “Did August take you somewhere nice last night?”

It was almost painful, the boomerang effect of the mention of August sobering her up.

Jesus, what the fuck was that pang in her chest all about?

Did August take her somewhere nice last night? No…not August.

But that was bloody ridiculous. She and Ruby were just having a bit of drunken, stoned fun. It was nothing. She packed it in the back of her mind for the rest of the day, because she’d never heard of something is stupid as being giddy over your friend slash roommate tying you up.

Taking time to evenly and snuggly wrap you up as she spoke to you in a calm, comforting voice, eyes soft and looking in on you to make sure…

Oh, for _fuck’s sake_!

But she found in the evening that she kept fretting over it, trying to busy herself with stupid tasks around the apartment to keep from obsessing. By the time Ruby got home from her shift at the diner that night, she whistled as she looked around.

“Damn, Zee. This place is spotless.” It was true. Zelena had cleaned the place top to bottom in her whirlwind of emotions.

The next day was spent laughing at herself by how ridiculous she was being. What a fucking lunatic, she told herself. You have one tame session with a friend and suddenly you’re ready to run off into the sunset? Are you that bored with your life? What a relief, she thought, that it had just been a day of being silly.

She spent the day after that shrugging off any remaining images she had, and the day after that freaking out that she _had_ remaining images.

Now she was leering at Ruby eat popcorn as if she was watching a deity slowly eat grapes off of the vine. “Nothing’s with me,” Zelena cleared her throat, looking back at the movie. “It’s a boring film is all.”

“It’s a classic,” Ruby shrugged as if that were going to settle the argument.

At this, Zelena had a bit of reprieve from her psychotic thoughts as she scoffed at her friend’s stupidity. “It’s literally a man in a were-sheep suit eating people.” It was terrible, but Ruby had a thing for B-rated horror films. This one, however, was particularly awful in Zelena’s eyes. Black Sheep, the movie about men turning into their flock and eating their neighbors. Well, at least it wasn’t about a deranged tire that made people’s heads explode.

Ruby just nodded, stuffing more popcorn in her mouth. “Like I said. Classic.”

Still, she picked up the remote and shut the television off, surprising Zelena as she turned towards her and danced her eyebrows up and down. “So, what would you rather do instead? I’ve got some more pot.”

Zelena felt herself blush, and looked down laughing, even though she was horrified with herself. Who the fuck blushed at their roommate like this? At their friend?

Squaring herself, she shook her head. “No more pot,” she reasoned. “It was terrible anyway.”

Ruby gave her signature wolfish grin. “Got you to loosen up a bit, didn’t it?”

“Well maybe that’s the bloody problem,” Zelena shot back, suddenly defensive although she was keeping her voice playful.

Ruby chuckled. “Didn’t hear you complaining then,” she said in a carefree tone as she got up to put the popcorn in the kitchen.

“Bring me more wine, would you?” Zelena called to her, and she heard Ruby’s chuckle turn to laughter.

“You come get it if you want to drink yourself into a stupor.”

A bitter taste hit Zelena’s mouth at the comment, and she suddenly felt her anger flare up. They had established Ruby noticed her drinking. She didn’t need to rub it in. Why was she so infuriatingly nonchalant about everything anyway? How bloody carefree could you possibly be?

She gave a huge grunt to show how put out she was and joined Ruby in the kitchen to pour herself some more wine.

As she did, Ruby leaned against the counter, watching her. Zelena felt those eyes practically shoot through her skin, exposing every part of her. She tried to pretend she hadn’t noticed as she poured the wine.

“So. What’s up?” Zelena heard Ruby say, and the sound of the words nearly made her spill the wine all over the counter.

“Who says something’s up?” Zelena asked, finally stopping when her glass was almost to the brim. The bottle was finished.

Ruby laughed. “Oh come on, Zee. Something’s clearly bothering you. What is it?”

Turning around to look at her friend, Zelena pursed her lips. As she did, she saw Ruby’s eyes shift the glass, and cock an eyebrow.

“Thirsty?” Ruby asked in a teasing tone.

“Parched,” Zelena mumbled, taking a long sip. As she did, she watched the corner of Ruby’s mouth tick up.

“Is it me?” Ruby asked, the smirk not having left her.

Zelena gulped the large sip she had taken and blanched at the boldness of the question. Of course, this was a mistake, and she knew it the moment it happened. If it hadn’t been about Ruby, she would have immediately become incredulous and asked her friend where in the hell she’d come up with a notion like that.

Ruby’s smile widened, however sad it looked. “Thought so,” she said, almost as if musing to herself aloud.

Zelena tightened her face, and shook her head, looking down at her drink. Ruby turned to rifle through the cupboard and found a second glass. She walked to Zelena and took the glass to pour half of it into the one she’d just collected. She smirked at Zelena as she handed the half-emptied glass back, and clinked them together.

“Cheers,” she said, and took a sip. Zelena watched as Ruby licked her lips far longer than she needed to. Clearly on purpose.

“Oh,” Zelena scoffed. “You fucking bastard.”

Ruby gave her surly chuckle and leaned in before Zelena had time to react.

Well. God damn.

Zelena was frozen on the spot. Ruby’s lips pressed against her own with remarkable softness, fractioning any last bit of reason that may have been left in her swimming brain. But the freeze began to dissipate, defrosting into a burning. It got so hot she jumped away, pulling their lips apart.

“Christ, Ruby. We can’t do this,” she breathed. And she realized that her breathing was rapid and shallow, fucking annihilating any chance she had of pretending this wasn’t exactly what the problem was.

Ruby didn’t seem to be the slightest bit put out. She stayed close, and in a voice that made Zelena’s heart nearly beat out of her chest, she simply said: “Your call, Doctor.”

Ah...Fuck it.

Zelena sat her wine down too forcefully, making it splash on the counter, and she crashed into Ruby with abandon.

If Ruby was surprised, she recovered quickly. The bloody git. Always smooth, always in control. How maddening that was! How god damned blood-boiling! How absolutely the thing Zelena always had needed.

Ruby’s free arm was around Zelena’s waist, keeping them fastened as Zelena practically attacked Ruby’s lips with her own. She almost clawed at Ruby’s face with hands just aching to feel her skin. And she wished Ruby would just stand there and let her have this moment, because clearly what was happening could not survive past more than a minute. But instead Ruby was trying to take charge with both of her hands free now, apparently putting down the wine glass at some point that Zelena had been distracted. She was trying to take over this kiss and make Zelena slow down.

But Zelena wasn’t having it. She felt like she was about to explode. She’d been in shambles for days now, trying to work out what the hell was going on in that fucked up brain of hers. And she still hadn’t worked out all the kinks. Not by a long shot. But the least her friend could do was let her get this out of her system before she righted herself and finished off the last glass of wine and passed out ashamed of herself.

She should have known better. Ruby eventually had enough of Zelena just taking what she wanted, and she was being spun around, her hands pressed firmly behind her back with Ruby’s fingers digging into her wrists. She felt Ruby’s rapid breathing on the back of her neck, sending chills down her spine despite how hot it felt against her skin.

“You,” Ruby husked, taking another moment to catch her breath. “Better slow down.”

What a prick! Why should she do anything of the sort? Who the hell did Ruby think she was? Flirting with her like that and then demanding she keep it all under wraps. She couldn’t. She felt like the cork of a champaign bottle about to pop off. Because Ruby had been flirting with her, right? Before she so stupidly decided a kiss was a good idea? Christ, what the hell were they doing?

“Don’t tell me to…ah!”

Her brain flatlined when a hand roughly grabbed at her crotch. Possessively owning it while fingers dug into her most sensitive spot.

“Oh fuck…” she whimpered. Whimpered! She’d never done anything of the sort! But Ruby was turning her into a puddle right there in their fucking kitchen, making her feel things she’d never felt before in her life. And if she hadn’t turned to liquid before, the silk voice that tickled her ear sealed the deal.

“The safe word is Finally.”

She was whipped around, and though she felt the absence of that hand in between her legs, the violence with which her shirt was being ripped off her was enough of a distraction. Ruby made quick work of it. And before Zelena could wrap her arms around Ruby’s neck, she was being forced back against the wall. She thudded hard against it, but it was weak compared to the thudding of her heart. It could have exploded out of her chest and Zelena would have felt relief from the way it was pounding.

“Jesus. Fuck…” Zelena breathed out, but her words were cut short as a hand wrapped into the thick of her hair and pulled. Her neck snapped back, the top of her head rubbing against the wall. She grabbed hold of Ruby’s face, but felt a bite on her wrist.

“Ouch!” she yelled, eyes flying open to shoot daggers at her attacker. “You bloody asshole!”

But she was silence quickly by that same mouth coming up to her ear. Ruby was suddenly pressing against her, and Zelena could feel her everywhere, smell her all around. It was the most intoxicated she’d ever been…and it was unreal…like a dream come to life.

“Say the word,” Ruby husked into the shell of her ear. “And I’ll stop.”

So soft. So calm. Panting in between the words but otherwise absolutely peaceful. And Zelena realized that while she felt wild, while she felt unpredictable and about to explode and lose herself, that Ruby was there to make sure she didn’t. Ruby was in complete control, reminding her that there was earth under her feet, that if Zelena needed a center, all she had to do was ask.

She nudged against those lips, and for the smallest moment, they simply breathed each other in, feeling the other there.

“I don’t want to say it,” she whispered.

And Ruby pulled her face away to give Zelena that beautifully sinister grin before her teeth were on the bare mound of Zelena’s breast.

At the same moment, the free hand that wasn’t buried in Zelena’s hair was slipping up her skirt. Zelena’s breath hitched as fingers found her mound.

A grunt escaped Ruby’s lips, vibrating off the breast she was biting down on. It didn’t quite mask the noise that came out of Zelena’s mouth when she felt the wetness in between her legs gathered up. Ruby unfastened her teeth from Zelena’s skin and trailed her lips back up to the shell of Zelena’s ear.

“No panties. That’s fucking _hot_ ,” she husked as expert fingers played with Zelena’s folds.

If Ruby hadn’t been holding her head back against the wall, Zelena would have buried her face in Ruby’s shoulder. As it was, she was pinned in place, and Ruby closed even more space between them as she pressed their bodies closer.

The fingers were dangerously close to Zelena’s clit, forcing her leg to lift and wrap around Ruby’s waist. Ruby responded by sinking her teeth into Zelena’s collarbone and pressing a finger to Zelena’s entrance.

“Fuck. Do it. Please,” Zelena panted.

She received a low chuckle in response as Ruby whispered in her ear. “What would you do for it?”

“Wha…?” Zelena’s brain flatlined again. What would she _do_ for it? She’d never been asked that question in her life. Nobody had ever had the balls to say something like that to her right before they were about to fuck her, especially on the first time. But Ruby sounded so casual, so confident in the question, it didn’t even occur to Zelena to become incredulous. She was stunned. Plain and simple. The better question, she knew as she stood in this position with her leg wrapped around her roommate and her body pinned to the wall, was what _wouldn’t_ she do for it?

And Ruby must have known that, the prick. She had to know how desperate Zelena was just then. So what could she possibly do? If she did nothing but wait, would Ruby stop? No. No fucking way could she let that happen.

“Fuck…please!” was all she could think to say at the very idea that Ruby wouldn’t move forward. “Don’t stop…”

To her surprise, the fingers at her entrance began petting around her folds, kissing trailed on her jawline. “Mm…good. That’s exactly the right answer,” Ruby purred.

Confused, Zelena tried to turn her head so she could search Ruby’s eyes. “Wh…what is?” she asked, because she’d be damned if she knew she’d given an answer. She’d be damned if she knew her own name.

Ruby leaned back to let Zelena see her face. That dangerous grin was back, a deep voice that Zelena didn’t know Ruby possessed answered. “That what you’ll do is beg.”

And then she felt everything in between her legs come alive. The aching that had been pounding with her heartbeat felt relief as Ruby pushed her fingers inside, her palm hitting against Zelena’s clit.

“Oh…fuck!” Zelena’s body melted. She nearly slid down the wall, except Ruby was holding her up. But once Ruby’s fingers were inside, they didn’t move. Zelena felt her walls close around them like a vice as Ruby bit down on her earlobe, but she didn’t pull out, didn’t budge. “Rubes…” Zelena started.

Ruby held Zelena’s hair back in firm grip again, breath panting in her ear. “Your call, Doctor,” she murmured.

That fucking Doctor thing again. Nothing screamed asshole like Ruby taunting her.

“What?” Zelena grabbed hold of Ruby’s face to make them look at each other, and she searched desperately into those eyes. What the hell was Ruby looking for? What did she want from her? “Please,” was all she could think to say.

But Ruby, shallow breaths and hooded eyes, just shook her head at Zelena. “Please isn’t gunna cut it this time.”

Zelena’s eyes widened as understanding dawned on her. Here she was, pressed against the wall of her kitchen, Ruby’s fingers impaling her without moving, and expecting that if Zelena wanted to be proper fucked, she was going to have to beg. The only way out was to say one little word that would have been the death of her in that very moment. She couldn’t think of anything worse than Ruby stopping. And the next worse thing was to be stuck in this limbo now.

“I need you to fuck me,” Zelena said, tears nearly filling her eyes. Tears of frustration, and partial humiliation. That she could possibly be brought down to this. But fuck would this be nearly as delicious if she hadn’t been? As embarrassing as it felt to have to say these words, a strange thrill rose inside of her. Her legs began to shake, her belly felt on fire, all chaotic and frightening and so bloody exhilarating…alive! She felt so fucking alive! “I need you to fuck me right here, right now. I’m begging you…” she pleaded, and the last words were cut off as Ruby’s fingers pulled out and then dove back in. They rubbed against Zelena’s walls with delicious accuracy, feeling every ridge.

“That’s it,” Ruby whispered in her ear. “Don’t stop now. You’re doing well.”

Those words made Zelena feel like she had just done a summersault. She was freefalling out of that plane again, plummeting towards the ground a neck breaking speed. Jesus! Who knew simple words could make her feel so good?

“I like that,” Zelena heard herself saying. “I like it when you talk to me.”

A low chuckle tickled her ear. “But right now, I need _you_ to talk,” Ruby said. “If you want me to keep going.”

As the words left her mouth, Ruby added a third finger, and Zelena felt herself stretching to meet it. The ache in her core ebbed all the more, her wishes finally being answered. The burning of being fucked felt so damned good. She felt herself getting wetter and wetter, giving Ruby all she needed to push in deeply, sink herself into Zelena until her palm was digging into Zelena’s clit before she pulled put to do it all over again. And any time Zelena stopped talking, she’d slow, making Zelena scramble to find words so this would never stop.

“I’ve wanted this,” she found herself admitting after every euphemism for please was said and she ran out of words. And she couldn’t believe she was admitting it, but what else could she possibly say to make Ruby keep going? “Ever since that night…I’ve wanted this…Christ…what are we doing?”

Ruby’s voice was calm compared to her own panic. It sent a wave of peace over her. But the words she said next obliterated that and just made anger flare up in Zelena.

“I’m fucking you into submission, that’s what.”

Zelena felt her face pucker in anger, and for a moment, she forgot her pleasure. The nerve! Honestly who did Ruby this she was? “The hell you are!” she said, grabbing hold of the cuff of Ruby’s shirt, giving herself some form of control. “I’m nobody’s bitch.”

But the flash in Ruby’s eyes was nothing short of delighted. “Fuck, that’s it,” she breathed, clearly reveling in Zelena’s anger. “There’s that fiery brat I want.”

A hot flash of embarrassment at being referred to as a brat washed over Zelena, and she didn’t think her lips could get any thinner. “To hell with that,” she started, and tried to rummage her way out of Ruby’s grasp.

There was a cacophony of hands flailing as Zelena tried to pick her dignity up off the floor, and Ruby tried to duck the assaults while one hand was very much still busy. Zelena mumbled every insult in the book until eventually, Ruby pulled out to grab a strong hold on Zelena’s body, and she nearly threw her towards the kitchen counter.

Zelena hit against it with a grunt, but Ruby didn’t miss a beat. She was on Zelena again and forcing her butt onto the counter. Standing in between Zelena’s legs, Ruby grabbed hold of the back of Zelena’s neck and forced a rough kiss. Zelena found herself leaning down to claim those lips in hers, her arms wrapping around Ruby’s shoulders, and her legs around Ruby’s middle.

“Zee,” a hushed voice, different from before now. Soft.

“Fuck! You can’t stop!” Zelena cried as she felt the absence in her cunt. “I can’t…don’t stop!”

“Hush.” A gentle command, snapping Zelena out of her spinning. She hadn’t realized it, but she’d been on a downward spiral, the desperation taking over, the chaos getting the better of her. “Hush. You’re okay,” Ruby said as her fingers found their home again and squeezed in between Zelena’s waiting walls.

Her legs wrapped around Ruby’s middle with more force, caging her in a vice grip so she wouldn’t leave. And Ruby didn’t. She tucked her head just under Zelena’s jawline, still holding onto the back of Zelena’s neck with enough pressure to cause just a slight amount of pain. It was overshadowed by the incredible closing of her walls against expert fingers.

“Submit to me,” Ruby whispered in Zelena’s ear. “Give me what I want. And I’ll make you come over and over again, all over my hand.”

“Sweet Jesus,” Zelena hissed, rocking her hips against the rhythm of that hand. It was giving Zelena everything she needed. The build in her core grew dangerously close to the edge as Ruby mercilessly drove three fingers into her.

“You know what I want,” Ruby said, biting down on Zelena’s ear. “Tell me what I want to hear.”

“I can’t,” Zelena panted. “I don’t know how…” she started but couldn’t finish. Her breaths were too short now to make any real sense, but what she wanted to say was she didn’t know how many other ways to say please. Panic overtook her at the idea that a blank brain could be the reason she didn’t get her orgasm, but once again, Ruby grounded her with telling her exactly what she needed to do.

“Tell me you’ll do as I say. Tell me who’s in charge.”

Ruby may have given her perfect and simple instructions, but they were far easier to request than they were for Zelena to follow through with. As good as it had felt in those brief moments she’d lost it, her dignity was holding fast, expecting her to stay within the lines of those rules to not let her be stripped of them.

“God damn you…” she gasped, feeling her orgasm building. And she could tell that the power of it was going to break her. She could already tell she’d never felt anything so intense.

“You’re gunna come,” Ruby said, as if she was in Zelena’s head. “I can fucking feel it. You’re so close. Don’t lose it now.”

The steadiness of Ruby’s voice was maddening, almost enough to break her. That she could be on the cusp of such destruction and have the one responsible so collected was killing her. It was breaking every rule she’d ever learned about her emotions. Because as pissed off as it made her, it also kept that ground steady. That Ruby could hold herself to such a high standard, that she could be unaffected. She had visions of knocking Ruby out for the audacity. But that Ruby could do that for her, could keep her tethered, keep her safe and show her the exact path to her wishes…fuck, she loved her for it.

“You can have me,” she found the words tumbling out of her mouth. “You can fucking own me. Just let me come. Let me come, I’ll be your god damned slave.”

The last word made Ruby literally whimper in Zelena’s ear, and the rush of pleasure that little gesture had tipped Zelena over the edge.

Her orgasm came crashing down around her, imprisoning Ruby’s fingers in her cunt as Zelena practically felt it explode. It was all she could feel: her walls caving in tightly around a hand that was nearly completely inside, every little curl of those fingers sending massive waves of a new contraction right over another. “Oh…fuck yes!” she cried, pumping her hips against the source of her pleasure. This orgasm didn’t want to end. It broke down any wall of dignity Zelena was trying to hold up. “Ruby, god!”

“You’re crushing my hand,” Ruby moaned right in her ear, and if Zelena had any sense about her, she would have heard the relish in Ruby’s voice. “You feel so fucking good.”

She said nothing more as she allowed Zelena to scream incoherent noises and ride out her orgasm. As she felt it fading, she realized she was a mess of bucking hips and clutching limbs at the edge of the kitchen counter, her thighs dripping with the signs of her climax. Soon, she felt her energy plummet, and she slumped against Ruby heavily as she panted to catch her breath.

Ruby just held her, didn’t move at all, allowed Zelena to become dead weight against her. Zelena eventually let out a sigh, as if the most relief she’d ever felt in her life suddenly overcame her, and she just held on.

A soft thread of fingers through Zelena’s hair made her jump, and she realized she’d dozed off. She’d fucking dozed off sitting on the counter with her cunt dripping and Ruby’s hand still buried inside her.

Christ on a cracker. She’d never come that hard in her life. And now she was exhausted.

“I think,” Ruby whispered softly in her ear, making Zelena’s eyes close as she kept her head rested on her friend’s shoulder. “You need to sleep.”

And Zelena didn’t remember the last time she agreed with that sentiment. Later, when she had her wits about her, she was sure the panic would set in. But right now, nothing sounded better than sleeping, and she wasn’t going to let it happen without staying right in those arms.

***

_Present Day_

“Good morning!” Emma heard the yell vibrate off the walls like a foghorn had just gone off in her and Regina’s bedroom. At the same time as this rather upsetting alarm clock sounded, Emma was blinded with her eyes closed as the curtains in their room were pulled all the way back, letting in as much sunlight as was available.

“Zee!” Emma heard Regina yell, and while Emma pressed her face into her pillow, she felt Regina lift the covers over their heads. “Get out of here!”

“Not on your life!” Zelena sang, and Emma felt the covers being yanked down to their feet. The light came blazing back into her vision, and the cold breeze was almost unbearable. “Wakey wakey! Make your favorite sister coffee!”

Emma opened her eyes for the first time to see Zelena smiling brilliantly at them. She put her hands on her hips and sighed, proud of herself for a job well done as she looked to Emma and Regina sprawled on their bed and grasping for their dignity. “Now,” she said through a huge grin. “Clean up all of these sex toys off your floor, get dressed, and join me for a cuppa, eh?”

Emma watched Zelena dance out of the room as Regina shuffled out of bed, growling: “I’m gunna kill her. I’m gunna kill her.”

“You’re the one who gave her a key,” Emma groaned as she sat up, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. Looking at the clock, she saw that it was seven in the morning.

“I’ll call the locksmith this afternoon,” Regina sighed as she went to the door of their bedroom to close and lock it. Walking to the crib, she said in a sweeter voice, “Let’s get you changed, hm?”

Emma nodded and crawled to the foot of the bed, where she dutifully lay on her back as Regina grabbed her changing items and put them next to her. Sliding the changing pad under Emma, Regina smiled down at her as she pulled the tape on the diaper.

Emma wasn’t wet, but as Regina wiped her down anyway, Emma felt a stinging on her bottom that brought her back to the night before. Looking up at Regina now, she saw that telltale sign of pride and concern. Regina picked up the tube of menthol cream and put a generous amount into her hands, rubbing it tenderly on Emma’s rump. Emma let out the faintest of hisses at the initial sting, causing Regina to lean down and press their cheeks together. “You’re alright, darling,” she murmured in Emma’s ear, making Emma immediately calm.

Emma nuzzled against Regina’s soft skin. “Thank you, Mama,” she whispered, feeling Regina smile at the words.

“You know I’ll always take care of my Little One,” Regina said, kissing Emma sweetly on the cheek before finally pulling away to clean up all the items and get Emma a pair of regular panties. Once she pulled them up, Emma got to her feet to dress herself for the day as they both heard Zelena’s voice in the kitchen calling for them to hurry up.

“Remind me why I told her to come here?” Regina complained as she rummaged through her dresser and found a pair of slacks and a pullover.

Emma chuckled. “Maybe she’ll make us breakfast.”

“Ha!” Regina came to help Emma finish dressing in her jeans and hoodie; a natural reflex she had now even if Emma didn’t need the help. “Explain to me what universe you want that one cooking for you.”

Emma made a face. “Good point. Sourdough pancakes?”

Regina cocked an eyebrow as she zipped up Emma’s sweater. “You had pancakes yesterday.”

Her shoulders dropping and her eyes rolling, Emma retorted, “Not that I remember. Are you telling me you’ll make the baby pancakes, but not me?”

Regina smiled as she leaned in to touch noses with Emma. “You _are_ my baby,” she said.

Feeling herself blush, Emma asked, “do you need me to nurse first?”

Regina pulled away with a kind smile. “That’s okay. We’ll wait until after.”

“Finally!” Zelena scoffed as Emma and Regina came into the kitchen. “They have emerged! How do you work this bloody thing, anyway?” she said, turning the coffee maker over and over in her hands with a look of concentration on her face like it was a rubix cube she needed to solve.

“For starters, it goes on the counter,” Regina said, taking it gently out of her sister’s hands and putting it back down. “Now go sit down in the dining room. Emma wants sourdough pancakes, and I can’t have you in here ruining them with your presence.”

“Ugh!” Zelena rolled her eyes and grabbed hold of Emma’s hand. “Come on, Dove. We’ve been evicted.”

Emma gave one fleeting look to Regina, who simply winked. Sitting down with Zelena at the table, Emma blinked as she rubbed the sleep out of her eyes.

“Hope that coffee comes soon,” Zelena said cheerily, making Emma grumble back.

“You’re the one who woke us up at the break of dawn. The least you can do is wait for Regina to get her bearings.”

Zelena broke out into a huge smile, and leaned into Emma, grabbing hold of Emma’s cheeks and smacking her on the lips. “My cranky little niece.”

“Hmph,” Emma grumbled again.

“You two looked like you had fun last night,” Zelena commented as she pulled away, and Emma gave a laugh.

“Something like that, yeah.”

“And how was The Dungeon?” Zelena asked as Regina brought in two steaming mugs of coffee, setting them down in front of them.

“Babe, you sure you don’t want help?” Emma asked before Regina went back into the kitchen. “I can cut up some fruit.”

“I’ve got it,” Regina said, placing a kiss on top of Emma’s head. “You two talk for a minute, okay?”

Emma felt a pang in her chest at those words, and remembered that Zelena had things to tell her. She turned back to Zelena as Regina left, giving her a weary look.

“Hm,” Zelena narrowed her eyes. “That bad, huh?”

“It was…weird,” she went with.

“How so?”

Emma hesitated, wondering if the right words were going to come to her. But it was difficult to be able to articulate exactly how it had felt trying to appear in Headspace when she wasn’t, and how in the end, she had sunk into it if only slightly. “I guess…the lines got blurry.” She took a sip of her coffee, and felt Zelena run a hand through her hair.

“Don’t push yourself too far, Dove,” she said with a new seriousness in her voice.

Emma started to smell the telltale signs of the sourdough pancakes, and a smile started. “Regina got there just in time.”

“Of course she did,” Zelena scoffed, making it sound like this was the most obvious thing in the world. “My sister knows how to take care of you.”

“Regina said you had something to tell me. About Ruby?”

Looking at Zelena now, Emma saw her eyes shift. There was an unnerving guard there, because Emma wasn’t used to seeing Zelena guarded about anything. Taking a sip of her coffee and looking away, Zelena nodded solemnly. “I’ve been trying to figure out the best way to describe it.”

“What do you mean?”

Sighing, Zelena looked back at Emma. “Ruby’d been acting weird. Not coming home. That sort of thing.”

Emma snorted. “Its actually pretty normal Ruby wouldn’t come home.”

“No,” Zelena cut her off, shaking her head. “Not like that. Before, if she found a partner for the night, she wouldn’t come home until the next day. But she’d started coming home halfway through the night. And you know Ruby. If she found a sub, she would have stayed with them. It was her rule.”

Emma nodded. That was true. Ruby never left a sub after Playing. She always stayed until the morning to give Aftercare. Not to mention that it wasn’t very normal for Ruby to go to a sub’s house, because all of her toys were at her apartment. It was much more convenient for Ruby to bring them over. “Maybe she was just Playing with Killian,” she reasoned, but Zelena shook her head fervently.

“She wasn’t.”

Emma narrowed her eyes at Zelena. “How can you be so certain?”

Zelena pressed her lips together, and Emma could see her choosing her words carefully. “Ruby and Killian…haven’t been doing well lately.”

Emma tried to keep her thoughts from being written all over her face, but the first thing she thought of at Zelena’s words was the conversation she’d had with August. Zelena and August were on the rocks, possibly even done. Were Ruby and Killian in the same boat? That might explain why Emma saw Zelena and Ruby spending more time with each other lately. They’d found solace in each other as their semi-relationships soured.

“She told you that?” Emma asked.

Zelena nodded. “It’s been off for a couple of months now. But Ruby really got over it about a month ago. Really started shutting him out. And even I was surprised. I kept asking her what was going on, because Killian didn’t need to be told off, you know? They’re good mates. All she had to say was that she wasn’t as keen on Playing with him anymore, and he would have been alright. But she seemed to be avoiding the conversation.”

At this, Emma felt a creepy sensation, and she hesitated with her next question, but it felt important to ask. “Do you think…she stopped trusting him?”

Zelena suddenly looked over at Emma, and her eyes widened. “Do you think she thought he was involved with your case?”

Emma swallowed. If so, they were making a big mistake in trusting him.

But Zelena shook her head, as if answering her own question. “No. No…she would have told me…” she was saying to herself, and Emma could hear the doubt in her voice. It was quiet for a moment as Zelena said. “Anyway, it wasn’t just the being out half of the night. She never mentioned where she was going. And I’d asked her. Several times. She wouldn’t answer me. That’s not like Ruby. She never cared to keep her Play a secret. But all of a sudden, she didn’t want me to know. She even lied to me a few times.”

“How long had that been going on?” Emma asked.

“Three weeks, maybe? A month?” Zelena mused, and a rock hit the bottom of Emma’s stomach. That had been right around the time that Lily Page had vanished.

Regina’s sourdough pancakes were delicious, but Emma had a hard time putting much food in her stomach. Once she took a few bites, she could hardly stand any more. Regina resorted to cutting them up into tiny squares and bringing as many to Emma’s mouth as she could.

“Five bites,” she encouraged as Emma made a face.

“Whichever ones she doesn’t finish, I’ll take,” Zelena offered, but it only earned her a sour look from Regina.

“Don’t encourage her,” she chided her sister before turning her attention back to her Little One and getting the fork to Emma’s mouth. “Open, sweetheart.”

Emma did as she was told, and managed seven bites instead of just five. Still, the conversation with Zelena compacted with the rest of everything mulling around in her head kept Emma from really being able to have much of an appetite. As she took the dishes to clean up so Regina could relax, she overheard them talking about it, and Zelena mentioned that Emma’s cheeks were hallowing out. She supposed it had been several days since she’d had a decent appetite.

But they spent a good portion of their day on Emma meditating, doing breathing exercises, and writing in her journal. While Zelena busied herself with asking a million questions about Henry and rummaging through the kitchen, Regina made lunches for the week and fussed over making sure Emma followed through with her promise to do said meditation and breathing. Her doting eventually rubbed off until the sisters found themselves in Little company, and by the afternoon, Emma was begging to go down to the water.

While Emma chased the seagulls, Zelena bought her ice cream to ensure a nice sugar rush that lasted all the way up till halfway through the second Disney movie, when Emma was crashing in between the two bodies on the couch.

Zelena was petting her hair as Emma grabbed onto her mama’s pullover sleeve. Mama turned and smiled, gently taking the fingers that had found their way to Emma’s mouth out and standing up. “Come on,” she put her arms out for Emma to stand with her. “Bedtime Little One. Say goodnight to Auntie ZeeZee.”

“Night night, ZeeZee…” Emma murmured, standing with her eyes half shut. Mama caught her before she toppled over, and she heard Auntie chuckle.

“Good night, sweet girl. I’ll see you in the morning.”

***

“Poor thing,” Zelena said as she sipped her wine. “She’s exhausted, isn’t she?”

Regina gave a wry smile as she sat back on the couch next to her sister. “No thanks to you. Or thanks to you. Not sure which one,” she chuckled.

“I imagine as much as you like your Little One, having backup isn’t so bad.”

Regina picked up her own glass of wine that she’d been neglecting long before Emma got tired and took a sip. A deep breath escaped her as she let her shoulders relax. She’d just finished nursing, but knowing she and her sister needed to talk, she had reluctantly gone back out to join her instead of staying with Emma.

Emma was so tired from her crash that she didn’t notice anyway. It was hard to get Emma to finish her milk, as was usual after Zelena had stuffed her full of sugar. Emma diapered and tucked into bed, Regina had slipped out, but she felt her mind still back there, cradling Emma to her.

“You’re knackered too,” Zelena assessed, and Regina finally looked at her sister. The lines under her eyes were very visible. Every feature seemed to look older than before, and Regina had the sinking thought that Zelena looked like their mother. She’d never seen the resemblance before then.

“I think we all are,” she reasoned. “Zee…will you please talk to me?”

Zelena’s eyes shifted from one of concern to self-preservation. Regina watched the transformation until her sister looked away, shaking her head. “You wouldn’t understand.”

That hit Regina hard, and she wasn’t sure if she was hurt by the accusation or heartbroken that Zelena truly felt that way. What she did know, however, was getting defensive would not help. “What? Why?”

Zelena sighed. “I’m sorry, Bun. That probably wasn’t fair of me to say. What I mean is, I’m not sure I’m ready to tell you.”

“If it’s about August, then…”

“Oh, stuff August!” Zelena said too loudly, and whipped her head around as if the sound would immediately make an awake Emma appear at the end of the hallway. Lowering her voice, she said, “It isn’t about him. Or…not entirely.”

“So, the two of you are threw?” Zelena’s nonresponse was enough of a confirmation. “I’m sorry, Zee. Why didn’t you just tell me? Because he and Emma are so close?”

“No,” Zelena quickly tossed the theory out. “No, it isn’t like that. I mean, there isn’t any bad blood between us. It just sort of fizzled out. Although I meant to make a cleaner break of it, but sort of flubbed that after Ruby disappeared. I was such a basket case. Poor August. He understood, but…” she trailed off, looking away into the fire. “I’m a horrible bloody person.”

“You aren’t,” Regina said sternly. “You’re an incredible person. Whatever happened between you and August, it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t change who you are.”

“I told you,” Zelena said, finally looking at Regina. And the look in her eyes almost frightened Regina. They looked downright haunted. “It isn’t about August.”

The two stared at each other for some time, before Zelena finally sniffed back the emotions, and righted herself on the sofa. “Anyway. Have you done it then?”

Blinking at the sudden shift in conversation, Regina shook her head. “Done what?”

A familiar smile came to Zelena’s lips, calming Regina’s nerves ever so slightly. “Proposed, you damned idiot.”

“Zee, there’s so much going on…”

“Oh, stop!” Zelena cut her off before she could say more. “Stop giving yourself excuses. Life will always happen, Bun. You can’t wait for things to be perfect before you get married because guess what? They won’t be perfect when you are either.”

Scoffing, Regina rolled her eyes. “A child showing up claiming to be Emma’s abandoned next of kin and a missing and endangered best friend are what I would call the farthest thing from perfect.”

But Zelena didn’t take the bait. She just looked at Regina very seriously. “You’re stalling. Why?”

Regina opened her mouth to give a quick rebuttal, but stopped herself.

She was stalling.

Was she stalling?

No, things were absolutely insane right now. This was a terrible time to propose. Wasn’t it?

She let out a little noise, and Zelena narrowed her eyes at her sister, giving her a wry smile. “D’you know what?” she said, pointing a finger at Regina from her grip on her wine glass. “You’re being a bloody coward.”

Regina felt her face slacken in indignation. “Zelena, our world has been flipped upside down!” she exclaimed as loudly as she could without her voice carrying down the hall.

But Zelena was already shaking her head. “How long did you have that ring before you even told me?”

Regina opened her mouth to say more, but nothing came out. Her sister, begrudgingly, was right. Maybe it wasn’t the right time now, but she wouldn’t be put in this position if she had already proposed before any of this had happened. Sighing, Regina rested her face in her free hand and groaned. “I took Baby Emma to Winchester the other day.”

“Winchester?” Zelena screwed her face up at the name of the northern suburb. “Why?”

“There’s a house up there for sale…I’ve had my eye on it a while.”

Zelena smacked Regina on the arm and gave a laugh. “Well, there’s a start. Get that girl a nice house.”

Regina chuckled without humor. “She’d never go for it. You know Emma. But Zee, it has four bedrooms and a huge yard. If we end up taking Henry, he could have his own space, and we could still have room for all of Emma’s things.”

Zelena chuckled. “How are you going to explain that one to Henry?”

Regina took a sip of her wine. She’d be lying if she said she hadn’t thought about that. While Baby Emma might be explainable, albeit difficult to a child, they couldn’t very well parade around the house as Little and Caregiver with him around. “We’ll have enough space for her own Playroom. He’ll just have to be told that it’s only for when she regresses. We’ll figure the rest out later. But we can work it out. Other people do.”

“Well, forgive me for saying, but you have bigger fish to fry. Like getting to a spot where you’d even have to explain anything to him.”

“We have a phone call with the lawyer tomorrow,” Regina explained. “He said he has updates for us.”

“Good. Now go away. I’m tired. And since you refuse to purchase said bigger house with a guest bedroom, you’re sitting on my bed for the evening.”

But Regina narrowed her eyes. Zelena had managed to flip the conversation, but now she was excusing Regina without saying much of anything. Was it just that she was overwhelmed because of Ruby? If so, was there really anything to talk about at all? It was perfectly natural for Zelena to be worried for her friend, afraid at what might happen, be mourning that she and August didn’t work out. Was there more?

Before Regina got up, she gave her sister one last look over. “Zee. If you were in trouble, you’d tell me. Right?”

She was almost afraid of the answer, but she had to ask. She only had one sister, and she couldn’t bare the idea of something happening to her, particularly if there had been anything that Regina could do.

But Zelena gave her a warm smile, trying to reassure. “I promise. I’m not in any danger, Bun. And if I was in trouble, I’d tell you. Honest.”

Regina let that be the end of it, but she couldn’t help but wonder if Ruby had ever thought she was in danger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, hope you all enjoyed that one.
> 
> There won't be an update next week, but the week after.
> 
> Hope everyone is doing well! Say hi!


	14. Hope

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big News in End Notes!

“Mama! No! Mama!”

A shrieking. Like a violent shake that Regina felt down her spine as she shot up in bed. Later, Regina would realize that everything she did in those moments was pure instinct. How else she could have known which reaction she needed to have before she was even fully awake?

“Emma,” she grabbed for her tear-stricken baby thrashing next to her in the bed, pulling off the sheets and gathering Emma into her lap. Desperate arms wove around her neck.

“Mama! Don’t go!”

Cradling Emma tightly to her, Regina began to rock them. “I’m right here. Sshh…it was a dream, baby. Just a bad dream. Wake up, my love. Mama’s got you.”

Thick sobs escaped her Little One, voice tiny and in agony. Regina heard the door to their bedroom open, and Zelena came in with her hair tussled in outrageous directions.

“Is she having a flashback?” she asked hurriedly, coming closer to be heard over Emma’s wailing.

“No,” Regina said as she rocked Emma. “Just a nightmare. And a Code Three.”

“You wen’ away!” Emma sobbed. “Couldn’t fine-ju!”

“Oh, my darling,” Regina crooned in Emma’s ear, kissing her cheek as she continued to rock them. “I’m right here. It was just a dream.”

Zelena, who was crouched down next to the bed now and peering up at them, shook her head. “There’s some subconsciousness doing a number on this little dear.”

Regina gave her sister a sideways glance, worry seeping into her brain. Could that be it? Could adult Emma’s worries for her best friend have manifested into Baby Emma’s nightmares? What else could be the explanation? It wasn’t unheard of that Baby Emma had bad dreams. It also wasn’t far-fetched that the nightmare would be about yet another adult in her life disappearing. But Regina’s bigger concern was the frequency with which these regressions were happening. They needed to find a way to channel Emma’s stress.

“Mama’s here,” she murmured in Emma’s ear as the sobs came out in sputters and gulps. “Mama’s right here.”

“D’you need anything?” Zelena whispered.

Regina shook her head. “I don’t think so. I’ve got this.”

Zelena smiled back and padded out of the room. “Holler if you change your mind.”

Emma’s crying was starting to quiet, though her hold on Regina hadn’t eased any. Her arms were still firmly locked around Regina’s neck as she rocked them. “Emma,” she cooed in her baby’s ear. “Lay down with Mama, sweetheart.” She guided them back on the mattress, Emma clinging and keeping a sharp eye on her mama. “That’s it,” Regina smiled softly at her as they lay down, and she brought a hand down to Emma’s diaper to check if she was wet.

“Mama, you were gone,” Emma hiccupped as Regina assessed she was dry.

“It was just a dream. I’m right here, babygirl. You’re safe in bed with me.”

Emma’s green eyes were wide and red as she swallowed the last sob and nodded.

“And if Mama were gone, what are we supposed to do?”

“Call you,” Emma said. “On my big girl phone.”

“That’s right,” Regina said.

“Wasn’t there. Cudent.”

Tucking a strand of wayward hair behind Emma’s ear, Regina said, “but that was just a dream.” And she hoped that were always true. If Emma ever regressed when nobody was there with her…

“And if you call Mama, she will come straight to you. Okay?” she asked, wiping one of Emma’s tears from her cheek.

“Kay,” Emma sniffled, adding another crack to Regina’s heart.

Emma rested against Regina then, and Regina cradled her to her chest. Humming a soft tune, she felt Emma’s fingers twirl around her shirt. “Go to sleep, my baby,” she whispered, patting Emma’s bottom. “I’m right here.”

It didn’t take long after starting her rhythm against Emma’s diaper that Emma fell asleep fitfully. Regina never let go of her and continued to hum long after she knew Emma was back in dream land.

Zelena eventually tiptoed in and whispered, “Is she asleep, then?”

“Yes,” Regina said as she stroked Emma’s hair lightly.

“Will she be out of it in the morning do you suppose?”

Shaking her head, Regina sighed. “Not necessarily. She wakes up regressed in the middle of the night sometimes but doesn’t remember doing it in the morning. We’ll just have to see.”

Regina spent the next good while awake worrying about just that, as they were supposed to be meeting up with Neil Cassidy and Henry’s social worker in the morning. But it turned out she didn’t need to worry. At least, not about Emma waking up in a Code Three.

That morning, Emma turned to wake with a grunt as she blinked at Regina. She gave a smirk as she stretched. “Have you been watching me?” she said.

Regina couldn’t help but smile as she lay there. She had been not-so-patiently waiting for a while then, looking forward to having Emma’s company. “I always watch you when you sleep.”

Emma gave a light-hearted laugh as she tried to sit up, but Regina pulled her back down. “Nurse,” she whispered to Emma as she lay them on their sides and brought her near. “Please?”

Regina saw the realization dawn on her partner that she needed the closeness, and while she saw curiosity there, Emma didn’t ask any questions. Instead, she pulled Regina’s shirt up past the mound of her breast and leaned down to latch on.

Regina felt the ache from her milk begin to wane as Emma suckled, and she let out a huge sigh of relief as she wrapped her arm around Emma’s middle. Emma continued to gaze up at her, eyes focused. She brought her hand up to cup Regina’s cheek, making Regina smile and lean into it. She turned to capture Emma’s thumb in between her lips and kiss it. “Good morning, my baby,” she murmured.

Emma continued to suckle quietly, hand coming down to the mound of Regina’s breast to kneed gently, encouraging the flow of milk. Regina had more than she was used to lately, and she could see by the look on Emma’s face that her discomfort was clear. Emma kept her ministrations calm, suckling deeply but tenderly. When Emma wasn’t in Little Space, she was able to focus much more on Regina’s needs while nursing. She did that now, watching Regina intently for any signs of discomfort, but also reacting to Regina’s clear relief with a little smile tucked behind her lips that were wrapped around Regina’s nipple.

“Let’s hope Zelena doesn’t barge in this morning, hm?” Regina joked quietly as she patted Emma’s bottom. Emma made an agreeable humming noise that vibrated off Regina’s skin pleasantly.

Emma unlatched to press a kiss just above Regina’s areola, rubbing with soft fingers. “I’ll kick her out,” she whispered before pivoting to put Regina on her back. Emma loomed over her and leaned down to capture Regina’s other nipple in her mouth. She took one long, tender suck, and Regina’s back arched.

“Mm…baby…” the words came tumbling out of her mouth in a relieved sigh as Emma lay down next to her again. Turning to her other side, Regina cradled Emma to her and pressed her face to the top of Emma’s hair, breathing her in. “That’s it. That’s my girl.”

Emma kept up her calm, steady nursing, soothing Regina’s nerves and making the rest of the world disappear around them. All that mattered was this moment, right here, with her partner. Everything else always seemed to vanish when Emma nursed. It was exactly the calm Regina needed. Emma had always responded to nursing in her more tumultuous times as a source of comfort, but it was just as much for Regina. Having Emma against her, providing her with care gave Regina a serenity she’d never felt anywhere else.

It almost hurt to lose the closeness when Emma was done, but after such a calm ritual, Regina felt much better about the night before and the morning ahead of them. Emma wanted to take a shower alone instead of following Regina into the kitchen, and Regina left her to it. Sometimes when Emma felt like she needed to gain control of her emotions, she just needed a few minutes to herself. Despite Regina’s instinct the morning after having a regressed Emma in the middle of the night to look after her, change her, help her get ready, she focused on herself instead while she heard Emma start the shower. Emma needed to toughen herself up for their meeting, and Regina gave her that space.

She went to the kitchen to start the coffee, where she found Zelena sprawled out on the couch, mouth hanging open and snoring away. Rolling her eyes, Regina went to work making a fresh pot, and as it brewed, she heard Zelena stir.

“I smell caffeine,” she heard her sister mumble, and Regina couldn’t help her snort of laughter.

Zelena came dragging in, eyes half-closed and her hands mussing up her hair even more than it was. “Where’s the brat?” she slurred as she grabbed a mug.

“Taking a shower.”

“So, no Code Three?”

“No Code Three,” Regina verified as she poured herself some of the brew. The two sisters sipped their coffee in silence for a moment before Regina asked, “will you stay here again tonight?”

Zelena looked a bit more awake now. “Do you want me to?”

Regina shrugged. “It’s family dinner night. It’s our turn to host and then you can just stay here afterward.”

At this, Zelena looked surprised. “Are we doing that right now?”

This stopped Regina, and she blinked. “Oh,” she said, and it occurred to her that nobody had checked in with each other about it like they normally did. Ruby’s disappearance had put everything on hold. “I guess…I hadn’t thought about it.”

Sighing, Zelena put her mug down. “Christ, I suppose we’ve all things on our minds.”

“I think we should try,” Regina resolved. “At the very least, Emma and Mary Margaret would want to spend some time together. I’d understand if you don’t want August there.”

“Don’t want August where?” Emma asked as she came in, wrapping her hair up in a towel.

“Hello, Dove,” Zelena’s immediate signature smile for Emma brightened her face like a reflex. “Feeling better than last night, eh?” she asked as she kissed Emma’s cheek.

Emma looked at her, startled. “Last night?”

Regina smiled as she fetched Emma a mug. “You had a nightmare.”

“I…I did?” and then realization dawned on her face, and her shoulders slumped. “Oh. _She_ did.”

A pang hit Regina’s chest, and she turned around to open the refrigerator, hoping it would hide the expression on her face. Emma had been getting better about trying to relate to her regressed side. But lately, she seemed to purposefully separate the two. Regina understood. Emma was using her defense mechanisms because she needed to gather strength for the tasks ahead. But that didn’t make it less concerning.

“Now, Dove, you know better,” Zelena said, and Regina should have guessed that her sister would push the subject, even though she herself had not for the mere fact that she and Emma weren’t alone and there was a way to approach it with Emma and a way not to. Zelena exemplifying the latter.

“Sorry, I just...” Emma trailed off as Regina grabbed the creamer out of the fridge and handed it to Emma, who gave her an awkward smile as she blushed.

Regina smiled back, much more assuredly. “How about we talk about it later, hm?” she said in a tone that she knew Emma would understand. It said that she was all ears and no judgement.

“We were discussing dinner,” Zelena said without any notice in the slightest, as she hiked herself up onto the counter, lazily sitting on the edge as she sipped her coffee. Regina sometimes wished she could smack the smugness out of her. “It’s Monday.”

“Oh,” Emma looked in her mug and swirled the hot liquid around as if to give herself something to do. “You don’t want August there?”

Zelena shrugged, seeming undisturbed by the question. “I didn’t say that. We’re on speaking terms. My sister, on the other hand, seems to think he and I can’t be adults.”

Regina rolled her eyes, feeling her annoyance bubble up. Zelena always knew how to push buttons. “I didn’t say anything like that. I just said I’d understand if you wouldn’t want to see him tonight is all.”

Zelena, however, just stared right back at her, eyes turning frosty as she stated, “August and I both feel like we have bigger fish to fry than our fling fizzling out, thank you very much. If getting together tonight would mean all of us sharing any information about Ruby, or just flat out fucking processing this shit storm together, you won’t hear any complaints from me or him.”

“Is this like,” Emma’s voice charged into the battle going on, making Regina start as if she just realized Emma’s presence. Sometimes Zelena had a gift of reeling her in. “A start of one of your guys’ epic fights? Because if so, I’m gunna slowly back away.”

This seemed to snap Zelena out of it too, who immediately turned her attention to Emma and gave her a winning smile. “Of course not, Little Dove,” she crooned. “And I’ll make all the arrangements for tonight. Don’t you worry.”

In the car on the way to Neil Cassidy’s office, Regina wondered if Emma having coffee that morning had been a mistake. She was beyond fidgety, constantly pulling down the mirror to check her hair or lipstick, rearranging the heater vents, and double-checking the side-view mirrors even though she was the passenger.

With a chuckle, Regina reached for one of those busy hands, and Emma obliged. “Penny for your thoughts?” Regina asked.

Not saying anything right away, Emma kept her eyes on the side-view mirror. “What’re we gunna do for dinner tonight?” she blurted.

Regina’s chuckle turned into a laugh, and she looked over at Emma as she stopped for a red light. “I have a hard time believing that’s what was on your mind.”

“No, cuz I was thinking we’d just order something. You know? You’re really busy today and you might not want to cook a lot of food. Zelena’s as useless in the kitchen as I am, and Mary Margaret is probably exhausted,” she began trailing off as she shrugged, and Regina felt a surge of adoration at the train of thought running through that head. Emma was trying to distract herself from thinking about where they were going.

“Do you want to talk about last night?” she asked softly as the light turned green, tightening her grip on Emma’s hand in reassurance.

She saw Emma shrug. “I dunno,” she answered quietly. “Do you?”

“I’d like to talk about the frequency of your regressions lately, yes. And that you woke up crying because of a nightmare you had of me disappearing.”

“Oh, damn.” Emma said simply after a moment. “I’m sorry.”

Regina let go of Emma’s hand to stroke Emma’s hair at the nape of her neck. “Baby,” she started softly. “Is this too much? What we’re doing right now, going to see Henry’s social worker. Is it too much with everything else going on?”

Emma was quiet for so long that Regina wondered if she hadn’t spoken aloud at all, but eventually Emma shrugged.

“And what does that mean?” she asked, hoping Emma would have more to say than simple one-worded answers and indecisive gestures.

“It means…it would be too much the other way too.”

Regina had to keep from whipping her head around to her partner in question, but she didn’t have to. Emma continued.

“Henry. I can’t…I can’t walk away.”

The emotions those words sent through Regina was something she was unprepared for. A surge of love at how her partner already felt attached to him, a bit of relief that she wasn’t alone in that sentiment, and also fear that they weren’t prepared for something like this, and good or bad it was just far too overwhelming with what was happening with Ruby.

She didn’t realize that she had been quiet for so long, trying hard to swallow the lump in her throat. But Emma turned to her, and asked, “Is that okay?”

Regina couldn’t help it. She laughed. “Okay? I couldn’t agree with you more.”

“So, we’re doing this? We’re gunna try and get to know him? Even though we’re in crisis?”

“Yes,” she nodded. “And we’re also going to work harder on getting you healthy,” she added pointedly. “Which means we will be making an appointment with Archie together to see what else we can do.”

She saw Emma smile out of the corner of her eye. “You do everything beautifully.”

***

“Every Saturday,” Henry’s case worker announced. She was a beautiful young woman who insisted that she and Emma call her by her first name, Sabine. She was not at all what Regina expected a social worker to look like. Now that she was sitting with them, Regina felt silly that she’d had an image of someone more akin to Mrs. Doubtfire in her mind when conjuring up any social worker in her imagination. “From nine in the morning until two in the afternoon. It’s just a few hours for now, but if all goes well, we’ll revisit it.”

Emma looked both relieved and terrified at the same time. Whichever emotion was winning out, she was rendered completely speechless as she nodded, and Regina had to hide her adoring smile at the ghost of her Little One shining through in this moment of overwhelming feelings.

“That’s great news,” Regina smiled at Sabine assuredly, and saw that the worker recognized the look on Emma’s face very well. That made sense. She was probably used to this in her profession. “Does it start this weekend?”

“Yes,” Sabine the social worker affirmed. “But I’d like to remind you that Henry’s placing at Mercy House is temporary, and his ninety-day stay will be up in just a couple of weeks. I’m actively looking for a more permanent placing now. It shouldn’t have any huge bearing on your visits, but you should be aware of the transition. They are never easy on children.”

“Miss Swan has experience with the system,” Neil Cassidy piped up, folding his fingers together on his desk. “I’m sure she’ll know how to navigate any feelings Henry may be experiencing during that transition.”

Emma, Regina noted, had a look on her face that said she would absolutely not have the faintest idea how to “navigate any feelings” that a nine-year-old boy may be having, but luckily she was still completely speechless.

Sabine, however, simply nodded with a smile. “I’m aware. Quite the history you have with the state, Emma.”

If anything was going to snap Emma out of her silent stupor, that was it. Her brows came down, and she looked at the social worker suspiciously. “You read my file?”

Not deterred by the mistrust that had suddenly come over Emma’s face, Sabine just nodded. “It’s routine. I need to run CPS checks on all of my potential guardians.”

“It’s um…” Emma stuttered before deciding on a different line. “I’ve got some lasting stuff from it. I was asking Mr. Cassidy if any mental health issues might be a thing you look at?”

Regina felt her chest tighten, both at the look of anxiety on Emma’s face and her own anxiety at what the answer to the question might be. However, Sabine immediately soothed any of that trepidation with a nod. “I’m sure it wouldn’t surprise you to know that that is common for adults who have history with the foster system. The state is more concerned about whether or not these health issues have led to any drug use, criminal activity, or child abuse and neglect.”

Emma was shaking her head, eyes wide at the insinuation. “Never.”

“I’m aware,” Sabine smiled widely. “I did my homework. My understanding from Mr. Cassidy is you are receiving treatment?”

“She is,” Regina cut in. “And we both are very active in her treatment.”

“And will you be present when Emma has visitation with Henry?” Sabine asked, making Regina suddenly feel a cold compression on her chest.

“If that’s okay?” she tried. “Emma and I are in a committed relationship. We live together. Whoever is her family, is my family. That’s how I feel. I’d like to get to know him too.”

“Relax,” Sabine’s smile didn’t falter. “Emma isn’t the first family member to be in a relationship and gain visitation. I’m sure you aren’t surprised to hear that I did a background check on you too.”

Regina smiled back. “Did I pass the test?”

“Flying colors. But there was something I wanted to discuss with the two of you about Henry moving housing. That is hard on children no matter what. Henry, however, has never had any real structure. I’ve been his case worker now for five years, and he has been in seven different homes not including Mercy House.”

“Were any of those foster families?” Emma asked, and Regina heard the fear behind the question. Though Emma didn’t talk about her childhood houses much, she had shared enough for Regina to know that Emma had always preferred the facility homes over the foster homes. “You’re in other people’s houses,” she’d said. “And you feel that. You just feel like an awkward guest, most of the time unwanted. Like you’ve overstayed your welcome. At least at the agencies you knew what to expect,” she had told Regina.

“Three of them,” Sabine said. “Henry hasn’t had it easy. He was born addicted to heroin, which cast him out of the pool of desirables from the very start. And of course, the older a child gets, the less likely they are to find permanent housing.”

Regina had that nauseating feeling again as she heard them speaking about a child as if it were a clinical case, a math problem.

“None of them were family,” she heard herself saying and thought that was a good argument to make, but Sabine gave Regina a sad smile.

“Exactly. Whether you intend it or not, Henry is going to consider you his anchor. For a child that has had no stability to suddenly realize he has family out there…well, let’s just say he’s going to grasp onto that very tightly.”

The lump that Regina had felt in her throat earlier returned. As eager as she was to get to know Henry, to see how Emma might be with Henry, what the social worker was saying was a huge amount of responsibility. Responsibility that Emma was terrified she wouldn’t be able to meet, and Regina couldn’t say she blamed her.

“We know,” Emma sighed, answering for them. “We’ve talked about it. I think no matter what, we’re in a hard spot. Regina and I don’t want to rush into anything just because he’s blood and find out we’re not prepared to take him on, but we both agree was can’t just turn our backs on him. And we are worried about him staying in the system.”

That last part sent a chill down Regina’s spine as she thought about all the horrible things Emma had gone through in her own experiences. She kept hoping that nothing even remotely upsetting would happen to Henry…she’d never forgive herself.

“Try not to worry too much,” Sabine was saying, looking at both women as Regina realized she was hugging herself in clear discomfort. “I’m pretty thorough with my placing.”

“Do you mind…” Emma said cautiously, “if I ask you how he ended up at Mercy House? He wouldn’t have been placed there if his last housing went well. Right?”

Regina worried this would be insulting, but the social worker was nodding. “Henry…can be difficult to find the right fit for,” she said somewhat mysteriously.

“Meaning?” Emma asked.

“Don’t get me wrong, Henry is an incredibly special boy. Bright, artistic, kind. He’s curious and enthusiastic about everything, very precocious. Many of my children are shy and withdrawn, beaten down by the system, but not Henry.”

Regina found herself chuckling, and Emma gave her a sideways smile. That certainly fit with their experience with him so far. “Yeah. That must come from his father’s side or something. Wasn’t how I was,” Emma said.

“Unfortunately, these qualities can make him a lot to handle. But the bigger issue is that he’s a runner.”

“A runner?” Regina asked.

Sabine smiled. “My understanding is that you’ve already had several encounters with him when he was supposed to be in custody with Mercy House. He’s my Houdini child. He’ll take off from school, leave out a window in the middle of the night, anything. Sometimes he only goes for a couple of hours when he decides he just wants to go to the park, other times he’ll be gone for two days and show up like nothing ever happened when he gets hungry enough. The school has him on special lock down and he still finds ways to escape. The families I’ve placed him with have found it difficult to keep tabs on him, and that leads to a lot of anxiety and liability for them. I’ve yet to find him a home he wants to stay in or who can handle it for too long. He’s spent time in juvenile detention for it.”

Regina’s mouth dropped open, and she couldn’t help the scoff of shock. “He’s nine years old!”

But Sabine gave Regina an understanding look. “This is a different world than what you’re used to, I’m afraid. A child in the foster system isn’t like other children. I have kids as young as Henry on hard drugs, children with deep psychological issues and violent tendencies, kids being trafficked for sex, sometimes by their own parents, part of makeshift thieves’ guilds. Last year, I had a girl a year older than Henry running cocaine between two neighborhoods because her parents knew she’d be an unlikely suspect. For a little boy in foster care to go missing for two days, it’s a mandatory psych evaluation and drug testing.”

“I’ve talked to him about it,” Emma said, and the normalcy in her voice sent Regina down that terrible rabbit hole again of all the awful experiences her partner had in her childhood to make her not so much as flinch at the horrors Sabine had just illustrated. “Told him if he wanted us to get to know each other that he needed to stop taking off.”

“He’s gotten better,” Sabine nodded. “The school hasn’t had as many problems for about a week. But as you’re aware, Mercy House had to send the cavalry out for him the other day. The reason I bring it up is because it always spikes in new homes. Maybe with your encouragement we won’t have as big of a problem. But it’s something to keep in mind.”

“Where does he go?” Regina found herself asking. “When he’s gone for several days?”

This was the first time that Sabine’s face fell, and the look she gave Regina was not one she’d forget any time soon. “I’m not sure. But I can guarantee you wherever it is, it’s not a safe place for him.”

***

Regina was noticeably quieter as they drove downtown. She’d let Emma drive since Emma was going to drop her off at the law offices so she could take the car and visit Mal Page, and she was doing a pretty good impression of Emma while she stared out the window in silence.

“Penny for your thoughts?” Emma said, trying to sound light-hearted as she echoed Regina’s previous words back to her.

“Where do you think he goes?” Regina asked quietly, not looking away from the window. “When he runs. Where do you think he goes?”

Oh. That’s what was worrying her. Emma sighed. She sometimes had to remind herself how different of a childhood she’d had from almost anybody else she knew, but especially her partner. Regina had grown up among New England aristocracy. Everything about her childhood had been proper and charmed, filled with horseback riding and five-course lunches and private prep schools and trips to the Virgin Islands in the summer. While there had been plenty of disfunction, it all happened behind closed doors in a very intact family.

“Who knows,” she said vaguely, but should have known that wasn’t going to cut it for Regina, who whipped her head around to give Emma a worried glare.

“Where would you have gone?” she asked.

Emma hesitated, because the answer wasn’t going to make Regina feel better. The reality of being a street kid was hard to swallow for most people. She had to accept that. “I dunno. There’s abandoned places I knew kids liked to crash, there were shady adults that housed kids sometimes, some kids have friends who would hide them in their family’s attic. I guess if I had ever run away, I would have gone to Ruby’s or Mary Margaret’s.”

They were approaching Regina’s work, and as she pulled up to the curb, Emma put the car in park and sighed. “Try not to worry about it too much. I’ll talk to him. Who knows, maybe him spending time with us will whip him into shape.”

This seemed to perk Regina up a little, and she finally smiled. “Where should we take him this weekend?”

“I hear the botanical gardens are amazing this time of year,” Emma smirked.

At this, Regina’s face really brightened as she laughed and leaned in, kissing Emma on the lips. When they met, Emma felt an enthusiasm on Regina’s end that she recognized all too well: Regina’s emotions were high. She pulled away only slightly and whispered, “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Emma said. “Regina, are you okay?”

She saw a flicker of anxiety hit Regina’s eyes then, but Regina put her mask back on quickly. “Yeah,” she smiled.

“You promise?”

But Regina didn’t break. She simply smiled and said, “when you pick me up today, I’d like to take you somewhere before we go home. Is that okay?”

Intrigued, Emma raised a brow. “Take me where?”

But Regina just winked. “I’ll see you this afternoon. Text me later okay?”

“Every five minutes,” Emma chuckled as Regina got out. “Just so you know I haven’t crashed your car.”

Regina leaned down to give Emma an ironic smile as she closed the door, and then blew Emma a kiss before walking up to the building. Emma stared after her. Since the beginning of their morning, Regina had been emotional beyond what was normal for her. Emma would make a point to check in with her throughout the day before picking her up.

Mal Page looked more tired and skinnier than ever, and Emma had to hold back her look of shock at the sight of her. However, the wince must have been noticeable, because Mal just breathed a knowing sigh. “I don’t sleep anymore,” she said as an explanation. “I don’t do much of anything anymore. My work gave me emergency family leave. But it’s about to run out, and though I’m not any good sitting around here, I have no idea how I’m going to go back. I can’t focus on anything.”

Emma sat down at Mal’s dining room table while the older woman went to get their coffee. Looking around she could see there wasn’t a speck of dust on a single square inch of the room, and she could smell both old and new remainders of cleaner. On the table were four shoeboxes on top of several photo albums. This poor woman was making busy work for herself in her anguish.

“I’ve been meaning to go through these for forever,” Mal gestured towards the stack of boxes as she came in with two steaming mugs. “I had this great idea in my head that for her college graduation, I’d make her a photo album of her childhood as a present, but I hadn’t started it. Now…it’s all I can think to do with my time.”

Emma looked wearily at the large mound of pictures and wondered to herself if she had a single photo from her childhood before she had met Ruby and Mary Margaret. In middle school, the three girls did enough together to where Ruby or Mary Margaret could snap a polaroid picture. They used to go to that photo booth at the mall during high school. But before that? Did Emma have a single image of herself before she hit double-digits? She was sure that if any existed, they were locked away in the basement of a police station in a case file, and they weren’t anything you’d ever put in an album.

“I have some news,” she said cautiously as she snapped herself back to the present.

Mal’s entire body froze, and her eyes were glued to Emma with terror at her words. Emma realized then that Mal Page had been preparing herself for the finding of her daughter’s body or equally awful news. It filled Emma with guilt and gave her a sick feeling in her stomach. Was she subconsciously doing the same with Ruby?

“The letter you received,” Emma started. “I found the person who sent it.”

The relief that washed over the mother was so hard to watch that Emma felt it pierce her like a poisoned arrow. But she had her own caution when it came to this subject, and this wasn’t going to be an easy conversation to have with Mal. Reaching into the inside pocket of her red jacket, Emma took out a picture of Ruby. It was starting to get creased and worn around the edges now, as if illustrating the weariness sinking into Emma’s heart as the days passed by with no news of her friend.

“Do you recognize this woman?” she asked, handing the picture over.

Mal took it gingerly and studied Ruby’s face. Emma watched her eyes dance around the different points of it, taking her in. Finally, she shook her head. “No,” she said simply. “Who is she?”

Unsurprised, Emma sighed. “Her name is Ruby Lucas. She’s a waitress, but she didn’t work at the same place as Lily. She doesn’t go to school with Ruby either.”

“You said Ruby?” the look Mal gave Emma was suddenly frightening, and without a word, she stood up and stalked out of the room. Emma stared confusedly after her but had no choice but to wait. A deep fire in her stomach had lit, wondering what about hearing Ruby’s name had prompted Mal to get up.

She came briskly back with a booklet that Emma recognized the logo of the restaurant Lily worked at embossed on the cover. “This is Lily’s order book,” Mal said, flipping through it. “I was going through everything: post-its, school notebooks, just…everything. In here were food orders, obviously.” She plopped the book down on the table in front of Emma and demonstrated page after page of orders and numbers. “And then this.”

The last used page. It had one drink order, and then in bold caps in the bottom corner:

  1. KNOWS!



Emma stared at it for a long while before cautiously turning a few pages and looking at the handwriting. Lily scribbled in small font, lightly scraping the pages as one would when they were in a hurry. This message on the bottom, however, was big, bold, and left an indent in the page that could be seen in the rest of the pad.

“R knows…” she murmured.

Mal went back to sit down at the table, and Emma met those striking blue eyes.

“Could R be Ruby?” Mal asked.

Emma was at a complete loss, but she didn’t necessarily want to say that. Mal Page had just slapped her upside the head with this new clue, if that’s even what it was.

“It could be a lot of things,” she answered cautiously, because though her head was spinning, she didn’t want to give Mal a bunch of crazy brainstorming ideas or false hope. That wouldn’t be professional, and Emma needed to process.

“How do they know each other?” the woman asked, not giving in.

Emma felt the hesitation in her voice as she said it. “I think they ran around with the same crowd. A crowd that wasn’t what you would call inclusive.”

Mal shook her head. “I don’t understand.”

“Miss Page, I have reason to believe that Lily was involved in an underground BDSM group.”

Emma wasn’t sure the last time she’d had a more awkwardly long stare from another human. Mal was blinking at Emma furiously as her brows came down further and further. “BDSM?” she finally said.

“It’s a type…”

“I know what it is,” Mal cut her off with a surprising bite. Her demeanor had completely changed. She wasn’t the shriveling mother anymore, but someone who looked like a thousand sparks were flying off in her head as she processed the information.

Emma’s brows shot up. “You do?”

At this, Mal laughed humorlessly. “Emma, I may be much older than you, but that type of thing has been around longer than you and I have both been alive.”

Emma sucked her lips in. “Did you have any idea Lily might be involved in that?”

“Well, no,” the woman laughed again. “But I don’t think that’s the type of thing you tell your mother, is it?”

 _I wouldn’t know_ , Emma thought.

“We were close, but…” Mal drifted off and looked back at the picture of Ruby. “And this girl? Is that where Lily knew her from?”

“Yes,” Emma said. “Ruby is known by everybody in the BDSM circle. Even if they don’t know her, they know of her.”

Sighing, Mal shook her head. “Are you absolutely sure?” she said with not the first hint of incredulity at Emma’s claim. “I mean, Lily might not have wanted to tell me something like that but it just seems so…”

“I’m sure,” Emma nodded. “And I have more I need to tell you so you can make the decision if you want me to continue with your daughter’s case.”

At that, Mal’s head snapped up. “What? Why wouldn’t I want you to continue? The police aren’t looking!”

“That’s not what I mean,” Emma cut in quickly. “What I mean is I have a conflict of interest.”

Mal Page stared, those frosty eyes waiting.

“That woman,” Emma nodded to the picture in Mal’s hand. “Ruby. I’ve known her all my life. She’s my best friend.”

The previously taught mouth that Mal had been holding dropped, and she gaped at Emma. “Best friend?” But then she was standing up, walking briskly out of the room. “Well, I want to meet her!” she exclaimed. “Please, can we go speak with her?”

“It’s not that simple,” Emma whipped around in her chair, stopping Mal in her tracks. “Ruby went missing last week.”

Emma had surprised Mal several times with her words since they had started this conversation, but the look she gave Emma now as she turned around was nothing short of frightened shock. She looked back at Emma, chest heaving from the sudden excitement she had felt at being told the letter holder was within her grasp, and Emma could see that hope being dashed from her face just as quickly as it came. It crumbled as the two looked at each other, and Mal breathed out a sad, “oh,” as she walked slowly back to her place at the table. “Emma…I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

“She’d disappeared,” Emma started. “We didn’t know where she went. A day later her car was found in a small town outside of New York. A place called Terrytown. Ever heard of it?”

Silently, Mal shook her head.

“The windows were broken, tires missing. Somebody had clearly stripped it. There was all kinds of clutter inside, which wasn’t like Ruby. We found a copy of the letter she typed and sent to you. I confirmed later that the envelope you found it in was from a stack she had in her apartment.”

“So, they knew each other,” Mal said, and Emma could see her wheels turning as she looked away, thinking hard. “Did she ever mention my daughter to you?”

“No! No, I would have recognized it from the beginning, said something to you. Their acquaintance is just as much of a surprise to me. I want you to know that because of the ties to my best friend, I’m more determined than ever to find both her and Lily. But I’ll understand if you feel it’s a conflict of interest. Either way, I couldn’t in good conscience move forward without letting you know.”

This broke Mal out of her reverie, and she shook her head. “No. No, I need you to do this,” and she brought her hands forward, asking for Emma’s.

Emma had never been in this situation at work before. She’d certainly comforted her clients. She’d told them things she knew they wanted to hear, given a pat on the back, all those PR things that were expected in her line of work. But she’d never, ever felt emotionally attached like she did now. Somehow along the way, she and this woman had ended up in the same place, with the same fears, and the same hopes. She took Mal’s hands with sincerity as she squeezed back.

“You find my daughter,” Mal said. “And you find your friend.”

Emma swallowed the lump in her throat, and nodded boldly, hoping that the resolve in Mal Page’s voice was enough to get her through this, and get both of their loved ones back home.

***

“R knows?” Regina repeated the words back as she drove, disbelieving. “Does that mean anything to you?”

She saw Emma shaking her head. “No. It doesn’t even mean that R stands for Ruby. Or that it has anything to do with her disappearance. But I’ve got my work cut out for me to see if I can find any more clues,” she said, referring to the mounds of school notebooks and other knickknacks of Lily’s that Mal Page had given to Emma to go through. They were all stuffed in the trunk of the car, and no doubt Emma would be bowling over them for the next couple of days. “I’ve got to get into Ruby’s room too. I’ll talk to Zee about it tonight.”

“No other insights? She didn’t recognize Ruby?” Regina asked, trying to get her nerves to calm down as Emma was beginning to sense something was up while they drove. That detour she had mentioned to Emma in the morning was finally underway, and Emma gave Regina a sideways look as the retail stores and people became fewer as they passed it all by. The looks only increased Regina’s nerves, but she had to consider her own mental health as well as Emma’s. She had been carrying around anxiety that wasn’t necessary for the past few weeks. With everything going on, it was time to lighten her load, and to be honest with her partner.

“I don’t think Mal Page is going to be much help really, unless another letter shows up at her door. Whatever her daughter was into, she was working hard to keep it from her mom.”

“That doesn’t surprise me,” Regina said. “The underground part of The Scene isn’t something you really chitchat about with family members.”

At this, Regina saw Emma transfer all her attention onto her from watching where they were going out the window. “Did you…I mean, were you ever involved in it?”

Regina was having a hard time hiding her smirk as she drove on. “I’ve had my day, yes.”

“What kind of stuff was involved?”

“Nothing as sinister as you might imagine. And certainly not so crazy for people to go missing,” she said. “Honestly, the underground was the opposite of that. It’s supposed to be a small group of regulars that have built a lot of trust with one another so that they could live out their more taboo fantasies. There are some kinks people aren’t as comfortable acting out with one-night stands or hookups at parties. So if you were accepted into the underground, it meant you could be trusted, and you were up for getting paired with somebody who could provide your kink for you.”

Emma was quiet for a while as the trees got bigger and more frequent.

“What kind of stuff did you do?” she finally asked.

Regina chuckled. “You really want to know?”

Emma just smirked back. “Sure. Why not?”

“What’s my boundary with you, Em?”

“That I don’t do anything I’m uncomfortable with.”

“That’s right. That’s always been my boundary. I was game for pretty much whatever the sub wanted, as long as they were comfortable, and as long as they didn’t touch me.”

Emma was still looking at her, and Regina could practically hear the wheels turning in their heads. “Do you know what Ruby was into?”

“What?” Regina turned to look at Emma before putting her eyes quickly back on the road.

Emma was quiet again for a moment before looking out the window. “I’ve just been thinking. Maybe Ruby got in over her head.”

A cold, haunting feeling penetrated Regina’s stomach. Was that what had happened? Regina was no stranger to the different types of kinks that really pushed the envelope. Ruby, as far as she’d known, hadn’t been into anything too disturbing.

That last conversation that Regina had had with Ruby came roaring back in her memory. Ruby was thinking of leaving The Scene. It was getting to be too much. Why? At the time, Regina hadn’t thought anything of it. She herself had left for reasons altogether different, so she felt she understood Ruby’s burnout. But what if that wasn’t it? What if Ruby hadn’t been burned out at all? What if she was thinking of leaving because she was scared?

“I don’t know,” Regina finally said. “We didn’t really talk about specifics, and nobody’s ever mentioned anything to me that stuck out.”

“Where the hell are we going?” Emma’s voice cut into her thoughts. “This is like, really out of the way.”

Regina could see Emma’s neck twisting as she tried to look at the various houses they were passing. Emma had picked her up around two that afternoon, and though Regina had a million things to do at the office and court in two days, she knew that now, her personal life needed the most attention. As much as she’d had to do, she hadn’t been able to focus on much of anything while at the office. Her mind was reeling with everything happening in their lives, and everything that needed to happen that she had been putting off.

“We don’t normally go this way, no,” Regina commented. They lived about as far west of the city as you could go without being in the Atlantic, but Winchester was a north suburb that nobody had any reason to go to unless they were up for a nature hike.

“Are you taking me into the woods to murder me?” Emma grinned, making Regina chuckle.

“You know what’s happening when we get home? I’m deleting all of your saved Unsolved Mysteries episodes on the DVR. You’re only watching happy things from now on.”

Emma just shook her head. “We tried that. Remember? I kept watching those baking shows and making you mimic the recipes.”

“You’re so impossible. We’re here,” she announced, parking the car just outside of the white Victorian house. Licking her lips, Regina watched as Emma’s eyes were glued to the outside of her window.

“Um…okay?” Emma said slowly, gazing out. Regina saw that despite them just being here, Emma had absolutely no familiarity in her expression. It still sometimes amazed her what Emma’s mind was capable of, the lengths it could go to, literally splitting Emma down the middle into having two separate memories. “Regina, what is this place? What are we doing here?” Emma’s voice was quivering, and it wasn’t a mystery why. The “For Sale” sign was still hanging in the lawn that sprawled out nearly as large as their current apartment. The snow had begun to melt all over the city, and the frosted green underneath was glistening with the warm sun coming down on it.

Without answering, Regina got out of the car and walked around to Emma’s side. Looking down in Emma’s window, she saw her partner look up at her with anxiety in her eyes. Regina forced herself to smile as she opened the door and waited. “Come on, my love.”

Emma took her time unbuckling her seatbelt and getting out. Her eyes traveled across the lawn, through the trees, and finally to the house. Regina stepped back and let Emma take it all in as she herself surveyed the new scene before saying out loud: “I’ve been here so many times. But now the image is so much better. I’ve been imagining you here.” she said.

Emma looked back at her now, looking downright scared. “Babe…did you buy this house?”

At this, Regina laughed, surprised. “No! I’d never do such a thing without you. I don’t want to buy this house. I want _us_ to buy this house. Or one just like it. Emma,” she came forward and took one of Emma’s hands. “Whatever I do, good or bad or indifferent, I want you there with me. Every step of the way. I wouldn’t do it without speaking to you first. That’s why we’re here.”

Emma looked back at the house again, the expression on her face unreadable.

“Do you like it?” Regina asked anxiously.

Emma gave a scoff, “Like it? It’s beautiful.”

“But?”

At this, Emma sighed, and gave Regina a sad look. “But you know what.”

“Emma,” Regina took both of Emma’s hands then and made them face each other. She watched with an intense gaze as her partner nervously bit the inside of her cheeks. “You deserve the world. I wish…I wish you could see that.”

Emma said nothing as she looked down, heaving a sigh.

“I know things are crazy,” Regina said. “That the timing isn’t great. And I know that even if it was, you’d give me a million reasons why we shouldn’t do it. But baby, you mean everything to me. You’re my world. And I want to share it with you. I’d love to buy this house or one like it. But honestly Em, as long as you’re with me, I don’t care. I want you always. I want to be with you. Spend my life with you. No matter what.”

These last words made Emma look up, and Regina could see something in her eyes that was so rare, it made her own pool over: hope. She loved that look, even though Emma appeared about as scared to death as she felt. It made Regina smile, despite how nervous she was, despite how she could feel herself shaking.

“What are you saying?” Emma whispered.

“I’m saying that I want you to be my wife.”

Emma’s breath caught, and those eyes that only had the starting brim of tears pooled over. They ran down her cheeks as she smiled and looked down, trying to gather herself. Regina watched, her heart in her throat, feeling their hands press together so tightly that it anchored them both.

“I love you,” she continued. “I love you so much. And it’s the worse timing, but that’s just because I’ve put this off long enough. Will you please marry me?”

These last words sent Emma into a fit of giddy laughter, something Regina had never seen before, as she dove forward and threw her arms around Regina’s neck. Regina caught her, holding her tightly, feeling her own tears on her cheeks. “Emma, this feels like a positive response, but could you please say something?”

Emma began laughing harder now, and in her ear, Regina heard, “Yes! Yes, I’ll marry you.”

Regina thought her knees were going to give way with her relief. She grabbed onto Emma tighter to keep from falling, and the two just held each other for a long moment as Emma continued to let out happy sobs. It was music to Regina’s ears. When was the last time she’d seen Emma like this?

Emma pulled away to capture Regina’s lips, and she if she hadn’t melted before, she was melting now. Emma felt like heaven, a much-needed peace in this world they were living in.

“I love you so much,” Emma said as she pulled away, giving Regina the opportunity to fish into the pocket of her peacoat and take out the box.

“Good, because I think the return on this is about to expire,” she chuckled as she opened it up to reveal the ring inside. She’d memorized it by now, but seeing it with the knowledge Emma had accepted was something altogether different. Emma wasn’t a fan of gold, so she had purchased a silver band with green sapphire because it reminded her of Emma’s eyes.

Emma looked down at it, and Regina watched her face light up as she both blushed and laughed. “How long have you had this?”

Regina laughed too. “Long enough for Zelena to threaten outing its existence.”

“Oh my god,” Emma threw her face in her hands, still laughing. “I take back ever saying she can’t keep a secret.”

“Don’t,” Regina said as she gingerly took the ring out of the box. “She can’t. She just has enough common sense for self-preservation in this case. I would have murdered her. May I?” she held the ring out, prompting Emma to extend her fingers.

“It’s beautiful,” Emma said as Regina slipped it on.

But the beauty that Regina had been seeing in it was nothing compared to now. She literally felt her breath taken away as she regarded it on Emma’s finger. “It’s more beautiful now it’s where it belongs,” she said, and she felt Emma wipe at her wet cheeks. Surprised, she looked up to see Emma smiling at her, her thumb still caressing where the unnoticed tear had fallen.

“I don’t know what I did to deserve you,” Emma whispered, “but whatever it was, I’m really glad.”

Chuckling, Regina leaned forward, and their foreheads touched tenderly. She closed her eyes and just breathed in the moment, holding Emma’s hands again. They stood there for a while until she felt Emma’s head tilt slightly and giggle. “This house is huge, babe. I don’t…”

“It has five bedrooms,” Regina cut in. “One can be your playroom. Another can be our office. One can be a guest room for when we want Zelena there, but I’ll put a lock on the outside of the door so she can’t get out and attack us in the mornings.” Emma laughed at this. “And that leaves one more…” she wanted to say for Henry, but it wouldn’t come out. They were nowhere near that decision yet. But it was at least an option.

“Oh, god,” Emma pulled away, covering her face with her hands again, and Regina could just see her drinking all the information in. “I don’t know, Regina. It’s so much…”

“Then let’s not,” she rushed to say, grabbing those hands again. “Don’t think about it. At least, not today. I just want to enjoy us for now. This,” she gestured towards the house. “Can wait. This,” she pulled Emma closer, “is what really matters.”

She felt the little bit of tension left in Emma’s body leave. Nodding, Emma looked back at the house with something in her expression that Regina recognized. As if she was holding herself back from the want of it. Regina always felt such a punch in her gut when she saw it. For the child who’d never had a home, never even had a Christmas, could Emma dare to hope for something like this?

“See that?” Regina pointed to the tire swing in the neighbor’s yard. “I had to hold you back from running to go play on that the other day.”

Emma’s head whipped around from seeing what Regina was pointing at and back to her partner. “You brought me here?”

Smiling, Regina nodded. “I couldn’t resist.”

Emma gave a small smile back. “And what did I think of it?”

“You demanded we put your own tire swing in our living room.”

Emma laughed. “Great. I was way more into the tire swing than the house. I’m some sort of special, aren’t I?”

Regina joined the laughter, taking Emma’s cheeks gently in her hands and touching their foreheads together again. In that moment, she felt so whole. “Yes, you are,” she said. “You’re my baby.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll be travelling this next week, so there won't be an update this Sunday, but the next. Don't worry-I'm being safe! In the meantime, I hope this chapter gave you a few things to think about and a little bit of fluff to tide you over.
> 
> I'm hoping all is well with everyone. Thanks for being part of the pack.


	15. Engagement Party

_Four Months Ago_

Zelena was scrubbing the hell out of the windows. Not that it was doing much good cleaning wise. If she’d been more sober, she would have seen she was just smearing streaks all over them.

It took a whole lot of wine these days to get Zelena to the point of nearly falling over. Like, a lot, a lot.

But she still managed, didn’t she?

After college, when she’d needed more and more booze just to get a buzz going, she’d tried to taper down and failed. She’d moved back to the states, spent a lot of time with Regina. They’d go out partying, Regina’s gothic phase refined into some sort of dark queen that Zelena couldn’t quite pinpoint until she saw women and men falling all over her with submission, Regina holding her chin up high and barely giving them anything more than a smirk as she guided them back to the apartment. Zelena would find her own squeeze for the night, noticing her bank account getting lower and lower as she had to spend more and more money just to feel a buzz.

Her and Ruby’s apartment was going to smell like a hospital by the time she was done if she wasn’t careful. Why the hell had she started cleaning in the first place? Oh…right. She’d already rearranged all of her clothes.

Back in college she eventually found ways to manipulate men into buying her the drinks, taking them back to that shabby little apartment she and Regina were renting together to shag them a thank you. Occasionally, it would be women, but she didn’t put much thought into it. They were more a means to an end. Regina teased her. She teased right back when Regina went with men.

But to say those were the days would be a lie too. God damned awful.

She was well on her way to a political science major then, and it was so much easier in her early twenties to have a crack and then get up early in the morning after an hour catnap and put in a full day of school and an internship at the mayor’s office her mother had secured for her. She was uncomfortable with the privilege, but not enough to turn her nose up to it.

She threw a wad of paper towels on the coffee table once they were too soaked in Windex. Or was this bleach? Was she even using the right cleaner for these fucking windows?

She’d been eager to learn back then, bright eyed and bushy tailed, young and free for the first time in her life. She’d never felt free in England, but in Boston there were no headmasters looking over her shoulders, no dorms with curfews. Plus, her mother always had her under her thumb, even from that far away, keeping an eye on her every move and every grade. Cora still did that, but it felt different with Regina around, who didn’t give a fig about their mother. Any time they got in an argument, she’d just call up Daddy and he’d fix it. Regina was studying Child Development and was doing the ultimate rebellion by becoming a poor teacher.

That all changed quickly. Because she’d been home not a year when they got the call.

“You girls need to come home. Your father is dead.”

Just like that. That quick and short. No emotion behind the announcement, no follow up. They didn’t even find out how until they reached Storybrooke and went to Granny’s. She bloody told them.

Christ, her mother was a prick. It never occurred to Zelena until that day what a bloody asshole Cora was. She’d always seen the feud between her mother and Regina as childish and boring, maybe jealousy on her mother’s part with Regina’s closeness to their father and her ability to not give a damn about impressing their dinner guests growing up. Even when she was doing equestrian competitions, it was clear she wasn’t in it for the trophies but the spend time with Daddy and the horses. But Zelena had always been more like Cora. She was always showing something other than herself dying on the inside.

And she was fucking dying. From one thing or another. Currently, it was what the bloody hell she was supposed to do about the fact that she was fucking her sister’s girlfriend’s best friend. Her own roommate.

Okay, so they’d fucked once.

Okay, so they didn’t so much as fuck as she herself had gotten the hell pounded out of her.

How the hell had Ruby pulled that off? Zelena was no powder puff. She was not somebody who just rolled over and allowed somebody else to take the reins. She wasn’t quite Regina, but she wasn’t a goddamned submissive puppy either.

How the hell had Ruby turned her into a submissive puppy?

Speaking of submissive puppies, what the shit was she going to do about August? The guy wasn’t her boyfriend, not really, but they’d been messing around and hanging out for months now. Should she tell him? Boy, that would be a fun conversation. How would she react if August came to her and said he was screwing around with Killian?

Okay, that part was funny. August with Killian. Right. She’d probably just laugh and tell him she hoped they were having a good time.

It was Pledge. She was using fucking Pledge on the windows. There were streaks everywhere. It looked like they had a slobbery dog.

How was she going to fix that? Bleach? Where was the bloody Windex?

Fuck, she was drunk.

Oh yes, back to the tolerance thing. Focus, Zee!

Once her father died, that line she had been towing was cut violently. By the time the funeral was over, the following weeks of watching her sister curl in on herself, quitting school, becoming quiet and secretive, pulling away…she’d never been so drunk so long in her life.

Zelena took a semester off too, and found that while she didn’t blame her mother…not the way Regina did…she couldn’t see herself going back to that cushy internship either. Everything inside her was falling apart. More so than usual. So, she went to the college counselor. He was kind and gentle, helped her see things in a better light. She felt better than she had in years.

That next semester, she went to her dean. Changed majors, changed focus completely.

Cora barely spoke to her for a month, but once Regina announced she was also changing focus, Cora lightened up just a little. Better at least one lawyer in the family than a teacher and a shrink.

Cora had always been like that. Appearance was everything. Even when she was little, long before she went to England for school, and the teachers told Cora that Zelena should go on medication. You’d think she’d been asked to give her daughter up as a child bride.

“No daughter of mine is doing anything of the sort.” And she sat Zelena down for hours out of the day it felt, making her write lines, play chess, whatever the hell it took to get her to just pay attention. “Focus! What is wrong with you, Zelena? You have so much potential, and you’ll waste it!”

Seemed alcohol was the only thing that did the trick. But of course, that didn’t come until much later.

They didn’t have any Windex. The whole apartment smelled like fermented lemons and cabernet.

A sponge. Maybe she could scrub the streaks off the windows.

What was she…?

Oh yes! Tolerance!

She’d been able to not completely break the bank in college with her alcohol habit, though she had to admit she was squeaking by. But the money wasn’t the real problem, was it? Fuck the money. What about the fact that it was now taking two to three bottles just to get proper pissed?

It all became a normal part of her new life, she realized she needed so much more just to sleep.

And by then it was too late. And Regina…well Regina was so closed off by then and buried in her school work that she just simply didn’t notice. On the nights she was even home, it was to shag some poor, wide-eyed sub that wanted a taste of The Queen. She barely noticed Zelena at all, much less noticed how many bottles were being tossed in the trash. She was far too broken hearted. Daddy’s death had taken her too.

Now here Zelena was, sloshing around this apartment, waiting for Ruby to come home.

Ruby, who woke up that next day and acted as if nothing ever happened. A peppy good morning, a question to borrow Zelena’s rouge, a quick hug before leaving for work, and the same the next day. Back into their old routine.

Anyway, point being, she’d drank a good amount to get to where she was now: bloody wrecked. And Ruby was due home any minute. Zelena wasn’t a huge fan of the gap in their work schedules. It left her feeling raw when she was working with her suicidal client all day and then had the evening to herself to get ginned up about whatever the fuck was going on between her and Ruby before said person even got home.

Ugh!

She picked up her phone, considering calling Regina, but put it back down a moment later. It was late evening. She and Emma would be up to one of their usual nights of whatever the hell they got onto, and besides, it would be far too obvious how drunk she was.

Christ, she was drunk.

The enormous keychain that Ruby had accumulated sounded at the door, giving the telltale sign that Zelena’s cursed brain would shut the hell up for once. Well, maybe not shut up, but at least give her a distraction from going around and around and ar….

“Holy…” Ruby’s laugh cut through the bullshit, and tunnel vision on the voice gave Zelena enough of an anchor to shut her mind up, if only for a second. “What the hell happened in here?”

Zelena stopped and stared, wondering what Ruby was talking about. Then she looked around the room and saw that the bottles she had drank were strewn on the coffee table. A bit had spilled in a puddle on the glass surface. Around them were the wads of used paper towels that had failed to clean the windows. The sofa pillows were laying on the floor along with the throw blanket. Zelena’s shoes were stranded in the entryway, but in no neat order as if she had kicked them off (she had, though couldn’t remember why or when).

The bottle of lemon Pledge was also on the coffee table. Zelena threw it a filthy look, as if it were solely responsible for not getting her out of her spiraling while she thought about her sister, her dead father, Ruby tying her up, August and Killian having their own secret love affair, and just when she’d gotten so good at downing a full bottle in twenty minutes.

“Erm,” she stuttered, looking around and rubbing her neck nervously. “Sorry, I’ll just…” she flew towards the coffee table to attempt cleaning up, but bumped into it with her knee, hard. “Shit!” she wailed, crouching down to grab hold of her throbbing knee. She was surprised that she’d felt it so acutely. She was going to pay for that tomorrow.

Ruby, however, just laughed again. “Relax, Amelia Bedelia. Grab me a beer, would you? It was a long night.”

That was a task that sounded much easier, though the kitchen was further away, and Zelena hopped to it as she swallowed down the real reason her mind had been going haywire and she’d been so busy distracting herself.

She’d been waiting up for Ruby.

She’d been waiting up for Ruby because she couldn’t stop thinking about her.

She wanted Ruby to take her again.

But how do you broach that subject, she wondered? Any other time in her life, any other person in her life, she’d just numb her nerves a bit to take the edge off and dive in. But it was different with Ruby. There was a short circuit in her brain somewhere. She felt nervous around her, felt weird about the whole situation. But mainly she just felt goddamned embarrassed that Ruby was having such an effect on her, and it was hard to get a read on exactly what Ruby’s feelings were. Ruby, the ever-confident sex goddess with the legs for days and the grin of a hungry wolf. Ruby, the sweet and laid-back friend that always listened and made her feel better about everything. Ruby, the woman who didn’t think twice about adding another sex partner to her repertoire, making Zelena know deep down this was nothing special.

Okay, maybe none of that was the main thing. Maybe what was really bothering her about it was the overwhelming…

“You have something on your mind, Doctor?”

Snap. She was back. There was Ruby, in front of her, looking at her in that way. She casually took the top off her beer and swigged it back. Her eyes never left Zelena.

“It smells like a taxi in here,” Ruby said with that goddamned smirk. “Like the fair before us reeked of alcohol so the driver tried to cover it up with a horrible lemon air freshener before picking us up.”

Zelena was teetering. She knew that. Holding herself up against the counter, she blinked slowly, licked her lips. Fuck, why did she allow herself to get so pissed? She was rarely sober these days, but she was never staggering around like this. It just so happened that every time she thought about what she wanted Ruby to do to her, she took another drink.

“We were out of Windex,” she said stupidly.

Ruby’s eyebrows lifted. So did her smirk. “Ah. That explains everything,” she said in a tone that clearly stated it explained nothing, and took another drink. “So what’s on your mind?”

There was only one answer to Ruby’s question, and it didn’t require any words. She stumbled into her friend and claimed those lips in hers. She tasted Ruby’s deep red lipstick, felt Ruby’s tight hips as she grabbed hold.

She was given back that kiss, Ruby steadying her with calming hands.

Hell yes, she was finally getting her mind to quiet down. She was going to get what she’d been fantasizing about all day, all week…

But now Ruby was pulling away, taking hold of the hands Zelena had placed on Ruby’s hips to hold on for dear life. She was alluding all Zelena’s attempts to push back in, connect again.

“Zee,” she called, putting her beer on the counter and holding onto Zelena’s hands to try and still them.

Zelena was a little slow on the uptake. Her brain wasn’t talking with her body so well. She felt like she was all electricity, all instinct and nerves. She just wanted. She’d been buzzing and thinking for hours. She wanted it all to shut off and have Ruby be the one to do it. Why wasn’t she doing it?

“Stop,” Ruby whispered. “Zee, stop.”

And her anger flared. Was this another one of those tactics Ruby was going to use to piss her off? Because it was bloody well working!

Pushing her buttons. Ruby knew exactly how to push her buttons.

“Fuck that,” she grunted, trying her best to get her grip on Ruby again. But she was sloppy, and the alcohol made her slow. Ruby won out, and as she kept fighting, Zelena was getting more upset. The tears started streaking down her face, and she didn’t even know why. Frustration, nerves, confusion. All of it.

But mainly, she figured, it was the wine.

Ruby must have figured too because she managed to spin Zelena around, and she wrapped her arms around Zelena, pinning her arms to her side.

Zelena fought it, trying to turn back around, kicking, mumbling: “bloody goddamned Domme. You’re not always in control…” hoping to get a rise out of Ruby, hoping the insults were going to be enough to set Ruby off again.

But she was wrong. Ruby just held her calmly, rested her chin on Zelena’s shoulder and shushed in her ear. The anger flared up brighter at first at the nerve of Ruby being so calm. But it eventually flickered out and the rest of her frustration with it. She crumbled, the hot tears of anger turned into weeping. She was embarrassing the shit out of herself, but she couldn’t stop it.

Too much goddamned wine. She needed to stop drinking. She’d never touch the stuff again.

It made her think about her father. It made her remember those awful days with Regina finally being so close but pushing her away. Made her remember her mother’s rejection. Made her make the house smell like a shitty taxi.

“Enough, Zee,” Ruby whispered. “Enough.” The words were kind, gentle. Ruby nuzzled into the ear they were spoken in as she kept her grip firm.

“Why?” Zelena sobbed. “It’s not bloody fair.”

“You’re hammered,” Ruby murmured. “I’m an asshole, but I’m not a scumbag.”

“You are!” Zelena cried, getting a spurt of angry energy again as she tried to shake the arms off, tried to make Ruby pay for all of this. “You are a fucking asshole!”

The response wasn’t what she had hoped. Ruby just chuckled. But she at least let go, taking Zelena’s hand gently and walking them out of the kitchen, down the hall. Zelena found herself being guided to Ruby’s bed, and for a moment she was surprised that it was going to be this…normal. Nothing about Ruby was normal. Nothing they had done so far was normal either.

But Ruby didn’t rip her clothes off, didn’t grab hold of her possessively and shove her onto the bed. Instead, Ruby sat down on it, still holding Zelena’s hand, looking up at her with a little smirk.

Zelena stood there awkwardly, sniffling. Calm enough now, she wiped at her eyes with her free hand, and gave a laugh. “Christ, you’re killing me.”

Ruby’s smile faded, and Zelena saw her swallow, look up sadly. There was something going around in her head, but she didn’t voice it, just left Zelena to wonder what that look could mean.

“This is a bloody mess, isn’t it?” Zelena said.

Ruby didn’t say anything. She just pursed her lips, and tugged lightly on Zelena’s hand, guiding her down on the bed. Zelena felt that freefalling in her stomach, but before she could get herself worked up over what Ruby was about to do, she found herself on her side, spooned from behind.

Nothing else could have made Zelena lose it like she did just then. The domestic gesture sent her over the edge, and the tears spilled out as she silently wept. Ruby said nothing, did nothing, but held her. She just held her from behind, clutching tightly as Zelena put her hand over Ruby’s. Who knows how long she cried? She started drifting in and out of consciousness and her misery. It was all the thinking she’d done that night, so much more than just about Ruby. She always got carried away when she thought of her father. She needed to stop drinking. Too many bad memories.

All the while, Ruby never left her side.

***

_Present Day_

“My sister niece!” Zelena squealed, grabbing Emma in a massive bear hug, and nearly taking her down to the floor. The whole apartment was being filled with the smell of take out Thai food and crowded with their friends all piling in. It took Mary Margaret less than a second to notice the rock on Emma’s finger as she came through the threshold, and everyone was now exploding with excitement and their congratulations.

August moved passed Emma with his arms full of beer, giving her a bump on the shoulder. “It’s about time, kid,” he said.

Killian came in behind him with the wine and nodded. “Well done, love,” he said to Regina as he gave Emma a smile.

David’s eyes lit up at the sight of the beer and followed his friends into the kitchen as he gave Emma a scratch on the head and a wink.

“Oh, Emma!” Mary Margaret attempted a hug, but the baby growing inside of her kept her at a large distance. “I knew it!”

As Emma held her, she felt the shake of Mary Margaret’s breath, and pulled away to see misty eyes. The two friends gave each other and understanding look.

“When are you doing it then?” Zelena asked. “ _Where_ are you doing it? Oh, can I be your maid of honor?” she blurted out, grabbing Regina by the arms as her eyes lit up with thousands of possibilities.

“Zelena!” Mary Margaret laughed. “She asks you, not the other way around!”

“Oh, psh!” Zelena threw her hand in the air as if to toss this nonsense away.

Regina, for her part, looked absolutely bewildered, and Emma basked in it for a moment. It wasn’t every day that her partner was rendered speechless. Her eyes were as big as saucers as she looked helplessly over at Emma and then back to her sister. She seemed genuinely freaked out by the revelation of all there was to do. “I…dunno. We haven’t really…she just said yes this afternoon…”

“Zee,” Emma chuckled as she took Regina’s hand. “We don’t know when or where yet. We literally have been engaged for two hours.”

“What have you two been talking about all this time!?” Zelena put her hands on her hips, as if to scold them for wasting the two most important hours of their lives.

Regina seemed to have finally gained herself back, and she squared her shoulders and rolled her eyes. “How the hell we were going to feed you pariahs this evening since I was too busy this afternoon to cook for you.”

“Pretty sure I was the one who took care of that,” August called back, looking very proud of himself. “It’s the best Thai food in town. Almost tastes like the real thing,” he said.

“Thanks for the grub, bro” David said as he, August and Killian joined the women in the living room. The three of them were holding two drinks a piece.

August tried to hand his second glass of wine to Zelena, but she backed away from it, and shook her head. “I can’t drink wine with Thai, Auggie!” she scoffed as if this should have been obvious to him. “I always get way too thirsty.”

August clearly looked as if this was the last thing from obvious to him, and he gave her a strange look before saying, “I’ll…get you some water then?”

“I’ll do it,” she rolled her eyes and went to get herself said water.

Emma flashed a look at August, who widened his eyes and shrugged, holding two glasses helplessly now.

David handed Mary Margaret a glass of water and Killian handed Emma and Regina glasses of wine.

“You should have said something,” Killian told Regina as he handed them over. “I would have brought champaign.”

“How do you not have champaign here?” Zelena’s eyes widened as she gawked at her sister, bringing in a giant glass of water and downing it on the spot. Emma stared at her. Nobody had had a bite of food yet.

“We don’t have an arsenal like at your apartment,” Regina scoffed. “And we’ve been busy…”

Emma felt Regina squeeze her hand as David raised his glass first. “To Emma and Regina, finally sealing the deal!”

Everyone raised their glasses and drank.

“We could use a little good news right now, couldn’t we?” Killian said with a sad smile, wiping everyone else’s right off their faces. Emma felt a cold punch in her stomach at the same moment that a calming hand went to the small of her back.

“We could,” Regina said quietly. “But we’re not going to let this distract us from finding Ruby.”

“No,” Emma said automatically, shaking her head as if to reassure herself of Regina’s words. “We aren’t.”

Mary Margaret sighed, “still, this is really something to celebrate. I was there when you two met. I could tell right away it was special.”

“What, because I was pretty much speechless all night?” Emma made herself chuckle, trying to shake off that cold feeling.

“Something like that,” Mary Margaret smiled. “It was in your eyes.”

Regina took hold of Emma’s chin then and made them look at each other. She had a playful grin on her face as she scrutinized Emma’s eyes, and then pecked Emma quickly on the lips.

Emma felt herself blush as Zelena gave an adoring coo and August said, “That’s our queue to start eating!”

“Oh, you’re no fun,” Zelena teased him, but they all began to move into the kitchen to serve themselves up buffet style.

“Zee,” Emma said quietly as they grabbed plates to fill. Everyone was chatting away with each other, and Emma kept her voice down to not be heard. “Can I come by the apartment tomorrow and look through Ruby’s room?”

Zelena’s eyes flickered, but she seemed to quickly recover. “Sure, Dove. Just take my keys in the morning. I’ll come and pick them up at your office later. I’ll be staying at my own place tomorrow night.”

“Thanks.”

“Looking for anything particular?” Zelena asked as she filled up on roasted veggies.

Emma sighed. “I don’t know yet. I’m just trying to make sense of things right now. It’s looking more and more like Ruby…”

“Like Ruby what?” Zelena’s head snapped up, and Emma saw pure panic in her face. She hesitated. Zelena had been taking Ruby’s disappearance really rough. That was to be expected of course; the two were roommates and had gotten close. But Emma couldn’t help but think that Zelena was struggling more than expected.

“Forget it,” Emma said. “I shouldn’t say anything until I know for sure.”

Zelena gave Emma a weary look. “Are you being safe, Dove?”

The question caught Emma off guard. “Safe? Yeah. Why?”

Zelena’s eyes flashed to her sister, who was talking with Mary Margaret on the other side of the living room. “Just, be careful. I don’t know what you’ve found out about Ruby, but if she was in some sort of trouble…it can’t be far away. I can’t stand the thought of something happening to you. And…it would kill my sister.”

Emma felt that cold pit hit her stomach again, and a flash of last year went passed her mind: her racing to Gold’s house, her barely escaping with her life, the look on Regina’s face when she got to the scene.

“It’s different this time,” she found herself saying. “I made a promise, and I’m gunna keep it. And we’re sort of doing this together.”

Zelena’s eyes trailed over Emma’s face, her lips puckering before she said, “then the two of you better be careful together. If anything happens to my little sister…”

“Over my dead body,” Emma heard herself say before Zelena even finished the sentence, and the venom in her voice seemed to surprise Zelena. “Nobody is going to lay a finger on her,” she spat. “Or somebody else will go missing and won’t ever be found.”

Zelena’s brows raised, and she gave Emma an impressed smile. “Well,” she chuckled. “I guess my sister isn’t the only protective bitch in the relationship.”

“Not by a long shot,” Emma said quickly, not finding any humor in it at all. The idea of somebody hurting Regina had completely enraged her, and she was so angry even thinking about it, she didn’t have time to be as surprised as Zelena.

This seemed to amuse Zelena more, and she put a hand on Emma’s cheek and winked.

“Why are you all flushed?” Regina’s question made Emma jump as she hadn’t seen her approach. But not looking up, Emma saw both Regina and Mary Margaret giving her a queer look.

“Never mind,” Emma mumbled. Zelena, however, still seemed to find the whole thing amusing.

“Emma’s just being chivalrous. Tell me, Bun, would you kill for my niece?”

Regina’s brows came down and she looked from Emma to Zelena in mock surprise. “What have you two been talking about?”

“Sister niece,” Mary Margaret corrected, giving Zelena a goofy grin, and Zelena grinned back.

“Speaking of which,” Zelena said, “When will you become my sister? You didn’t answer me earlier.”

Emma’s brain flatlined then at the prospect of having to pick a date on the spot. The proposal, though taking Emma by surprise, wasn’t exactly shocking. That being said, she had never been the girl to dream of anything fussy or sift through wedding magazines imagining her dress. All of those things had seemed so off limits to her, so far from the concerns of the real world, she had never given them much thought.

Regina, as usual, came to her rescue. “Seriously, Zee, we haven’t talked about any of that. Give her a break.”

“Yes, but unlike her, I’ve been sitting on this for ages. I’m very keen to know all the details.”

“Drink your _water_.”

Regina and Zelena began bickering, and though Emma tried to keep up, she was distracted by Mary Margaret, who put an arm around her waist and squeezed.

“I’m happy for you, Em,” she started, and Emma heard the hesitation in her voice. “But…” she trailed off, and Emma didn’t need to hear any more. She read her friend’s mind.

“It feels weird, doesn’t it? To be celebrating anything without her?”

“Yeah,” she nodded. “I just…” Mary Margaret put her hands on her stomach and rubbed there. “Wish she was here with us for all this,” she whispered. “The baby, a wedding. These are milestones that we always thought we’d be together for.”

“We will be,” Emma answered quickly, turning to Mary Margaret. “I’m gunna find her. And Regina and I won’t get married until Ruby’s back home with us.”

But Mary Margaret looked so doubtful that it sent a stone dropping at the bottom of Emma’s stomach. “He’s almost here,” she whispered, her hand still on her stomach. “What if she isn’t here for it? I never thought I’d have to do it without her. I never thought she wouldn’t meet…”

“Stop,” Emma shook her head, taking Mary Margaret’s hand. “You can’t lose hope. She’s gunna meet him.”

“I just always saw you two there with me when it happened,” Mary Margaret’s eyes now were misty, her lips quivering, and Emma saw that she really looked scared.

“I’ll be there. And so will David,” she said.

At this, humor finally came to Mary Margaret’s face, and she laughed. “Okay, so you’ll be there while David is passed out on the hospital room floor.”

That got Emma too. She laughed, and the two squeezed each other’s hand.

“I need her here too.” They walked into the living room together, Emma looking back at Regina, who gave her a wink and turned back to her sister who was squawking on about how she finally pulled it off.

“David and I went to Eye Candy,” Mary Margaret said, peeking Emma’s interest. “You ever heard of a performer called Ariel?”

Emma shook her head.

“Oh. Well, I guess she’s a regular there. People like her because she has this fiery red hair. I don’t think her real name’s Ariel. They call her that because her hair looks like The Little Mermaid? I even heard somebody refer to her as that.”

Emma snorted. “I’m not sure where all these nicknames come from.”

“Yeah,” Mary Margaret shrugged. “Though they always seem to suit people. Yours is spot on.”

“Wait, what?” Emma stopped mid-taking a bite out of her noodles and gaped at Mary Margaret. “I have a nickname?”

Mary Margaret’s eyes got wide, and she stuttered. “Well…yeah. I mean…because you’re with Regina. The Queen, you know?”

“What do they call me?”

“Ermmm….”

“Mary Margaret,” Emma stared at her severely. “What do they call me?”

“The Little Princess?” she squeaked out, her face twisting as if it hurt to say.

Emma’s mouth dropped. “That’s…that’s the worst nickname ever. Ugh!” she cried up at the ceiling. “Of course I would get the worst name on the planet!”

“It’s not that bad…” but Mary Margaret trailed off.

“ _Anyway_ ,” Emma grunted irritably. “What about Ariel?”

“Apparently she knew Lily.”

Emma nearly spat out her noodles. “Really? I haven’t met anybody who has!”

At this, Mary Margaret’s eyes flickered. “Yeah, I don’t think that’s true.”

An unease settled in Emma’s chest then. “What do you mean?”

“Ariel really know Lily’s missing. She just thinks maybe she’s taking a break or something because nobody’s seen her around? Anyway, she said that Lily was a regular with Aurora and Philip. As in, the three of them Played a lot.”

“Wait,” Emma felt her head spinning. “So Philip and Aurora knew her?”

“I guess so. Why, have you asked them about her?”

Emma shook her head. “No. We didn’t want anyone getting suspicious that we were investigating. Even Ruby’s friends.”

“I’m not sure if that’s much to go on,” Killian came walking up, popping a cookie in his mouth, and crunching on it. “Aurora and Philip have a lot of partners. Just like everyone else.”

“Yeah, maybe,” Emma said. “But we should probably ask them. It might blow my cover, but…”

“You sure you wanna do that just now?” Killian asked. “I could ask them instead. It might not be as fishy coming from me.”

“How’s that?” Mary Margaret asked.

“Everyone knows Emma and Regina don’t invite partners. They’re a solo couple. I’m not. If I ask because I seem interested, it wouldn’t be as weird as Emma asking. Why would she be asking if not to invite her to Play?”

“Alright,” Emma nodded. “Ask them. But be really casual about it. Don’t let on what it’s about.”

“No worries, love,” Killian smirked. “I doubt anybody’s going to think twice about me looking for specific partners. I’ll just say I’ve heard she was into something I want to try.”

“Speaking of which, did you find anything underground?”

Killian’s face went dark. “You could say that.”

“Meaning?” Mary Margaret’s eyes shifted from Emma to Killian nervously.

“I went to this party out by the college. Lots of young blood there. Anyway, a bunch of the newbies were talking. There’s whispers of an underground that’s invite only, but I gather that the invite is very particular.”

“Particular how?” Emma asked.

Again, that dark look came over Killian. “Well, put it to you this way: I’ve been in The Scene for years, everyone pretty much knows me, and this was the first I’d heard of it. If it’s invite only, that tells me that it’s elite Doms and newbie subs. And not to toot my own horn here, but I’m elite. So why wouldn’t I know about it?”

“Do you think this is what Ruby was doing?”

Killian shrugged. “I don’t know. But if it was, then I’ve got even more questions. Why wouldn’t she tell me? Why am I just hearing about it? What was so secret about this club that she wouldn’t say?”

“You think this was why she was pulling away from you?” Emma asked, and saw Mary Margaret look at Killian in surprise. Apparently, she hadn’t known that. Ruby really had been keeping things close to the vest.

“Could be. I guess I hadn’t thought about that.”

“I can’t see Ruby doing anything crazy or illegal,” Mary Margaret shook her head. “That’s not Ruby.”

“No,” Killian said. “It isn’t. But I’ll tell you this: if she did get involved, she hadn’t been doing it long. So maybe she thought it was something else and…”

“Got in over her head,” Emma finished for him.

Killian looked at Emma with wide eyes, and she saw the fear there as she had voiced the same thought he had. “Yeah. That’s uh…what I’ve been afraid of.”

“Yeah,” Emma sighed. “Me too.”

“Emma,” Mary Margaret whispered under her breath, almost like a desperate plea. But she couldn’t comfort her friend. If what Killian was saying was true, then they had a lot of secrets to unravel.

“Anyway,” Killian sighed. “I’m going to ask around, see if I can get an invite. If nothing else, I want to check people’s reaction when I ask. If this underground thing has anything to do with Ruby going missing, people are gunna want me to stay away. They know I’ll fucking kill the person responsible when I find them.”

Emma felt a wave of affection and put her hand on Killian’s shoulder. “Thanks, Killian.”

He gave her a serious nod. “She’s my friend. Before anything else.”

***

“So how ‘bout it?” Emma asked, propping herself up on her elbow as Regina came towards the bed from their conjoined bathroom. Everyone had left late that night, except for Zelena, who was passed out on their couch in the living room. Emma was winding down from the dinner in her a pair of boy shorts, feeling good with a full stomach for the first time in a while. The events of that afternoon had calmed her just enough to keep a decent amount of food down.

“How ‘bout what?” Regina asked, pulling her shirt over her head and tossing it into the hamper.

“When and where?”

Regina turned around then, smirking at Emma. “Are you answering a question Zelena asked from two hours ago?”

Grinning back, Emma nodded. “I am. Yeah.”

Sauntering over to the bed, Regina sat down on the edge and ran a hand through Emma’s hair. “Do you remember what I said to you at David and Mary Margaret’s wedding?”

Emma thought back, and the memory of their dance came. The perfection of that moment washed over her, and she looked up at Regina, feeling that love take hold. “Something about whatever I wanted.”

Rolling her eyes, Regina chuckled. “That was the jist of it, yes.”

“What about what you want?” Emma asked, sitting up and taking one of Regina’s hands. Regina was clad in only her bra and underwear now, and Emma’s eyes trailed down her golden skin. She was so beautiful. Regina was always just so beautiful.

As if she could read Emma’s thoughts, a smirk came over Regina’s face as she ran her hand through Emma’s hair again. “I just want you,” she whispered.

Emma took the opportunity to pull Regina down with her as she lay on the mattress. Another sultry chuckle escaped Regina as she willingly lay over Emma, and as Emma leaned in to kiss her partner, she whispered: “I want you too.”

She saw the warmth in Regina’s eyes overload as they turned dark and their lips met softly. Regina kissed her long and sweet, and when they finally pulled away, somehow Emma was still breathless despite them taking their time. She took hold of Regina’s hand and guided it down her abdomen as she leaned up to kiss Regina again, and when they pulled away, Regina was smirking as she whispered: “Zelena’s here.”

“Then you’ll just have to be really quiet tonight.”

At that, Regina’s mouth dropped open in mocking indignation. “Me? I’m not the screamer, Little One.”

Getting the reaction she wanted, Emma smiled up as she wrapped an arm around Regina’s neck and moved her hips up to meet the hand that was petting just above her boy shorts. She could already feel herself buzzing as she mimicked Regina with her own hand on Regina’s mound.

She saw a little smile tucked on the corner of Regina’s mouth as their legs spread at the same time. Emma nuzzled into Regina’s ear. “I don’t care when or where,” she whispered as she tucked her fingers underneath Regina’s panties.

Regina’s breathing was picking up. Emma felt it against the nape of her neck as fingers brushed against her slit, making her arch her back as she felt wetness on her own digits.

“You’ll have to decide sometime,” Regina husked.

Emma felt the ring wrapped around her finger on the hand holding onto Regina’s neck. She leaned back now to press their foreheads together, looking into Regina’s eyes. They were blown black with lust, staring straight back at her, only seeing her. Emma felt a finger slip inside of her and she clenched to welcome it as she rubbed against Regina’s clit. It was so wet and warm there, swollen and waiting. She could practically see it in her minds eye as she watched her lover’s face flicker with the pleasure.

Regina’s fingers inside of her faltered just a little as she got used to the sensation of having her clit rubbed, but then she pressed perfectly against Emma’s g-spot as she pulled out, adding another finger as she pushed back in. She was gentle but assertive, making Emma’s hips meet her eagerly.

Emma pulled her hand away and let go of Regina’s neck to quickly pull down her boy shorts. They were in the way, and she didn’t want them there. She just wanted to feel Regina’s skin on her own.

Regina followed suit, and they were quickly and impatiently back where they had been. A little smile came over Emma’s face as she spread her legs to give her partner entrance. “That’s more like it,” she whispered, slipping her fingers over Regina’s slit, gathering wetness there.

A lopsided grin answered her until she dipped two fingers inside of Regina’s waiting walls, and then the smirk was gone and Regina’s mouth opened in a silent moan. Emma felt Regina’s walls clench around her fingers, encouraging her to go just a little deeper. She did, biting gently on Regina’s lower lip.

Regina’s eyes opened in answer to Emma’s teeth, and she let out a shaky breath, looking down at Emma with black eyes. Emma felt the fingers inside of her rub against her walls as they pulled out, and then thrust back in, burying themselves deeply as the palm of Regina’s hand hit Emma’s clit.

“Mm…” she muffled the moan that came out of her, earning her a cocky smirk from Regina.

“Hush now, Little One,” Regina crooned. “We have company.”

Emma didn’t want to be reminded of anyone else in the world right now. She was so focused on Regina, who was filling her perfectly. Cupping Regina’s cheek, she leaned in to lock their lips again, and this time it was hungry and rough. They were able to make more noise pressed together like this, and Emma relished the vibrations of Regina’s moans hitting her lips as their thrusting began to sync in rhythm with one another. As Emma felt herself emptied, she pulled out, and when she was filled back up, she thrust in deeply, encircling herself in everything Regina. She felt fingers tangle in her hair and clench as the intensity picked up. Regina was trying to hold on for dear life.

Emma smiled to herself. She loved Playing with Regina. Really loved it. But nothing beat making love together, just the two of them, just raw feelings and their bare emotions.

That was the best.

“Emma, look at me,” she heard Regina’s pleading voice say, and she realized then that she had been closing her eyes against Regina’s temple, just savoring the feeling of this.

So she leaned back to look her partner in the eye. What she saw nearly tipped her over the edge. Regina was flush with their sex, chest heaving as she panted, breathing rapid as she tried to keep her noises to a minimum. She was leaning over Emma with her legs spread and her knees resting on the mattress. Her wetness was dripping down the inside of her thighs, down Emma’s hand and wrist. Her hair was a curly tussled mess around her ears, wild and beautiful. She was glad Regina suggested she looked.

“I love you,” she blurted out, rushed to try and keep from saying it too loud, because it was clear that her voice was painted with pleasure and she was reaching her peek. The buildup was creeping into her stomach and legs, traveling dangerously close to her cunt that was currently wrapping around Regina’s fingers. “You’re so fucking beautiful. I love you…” the last part was cut off by a particularly amazing spot being hit inside of her, and before she could cry out, Regina locked their lips together so that she swallowed the sound.

Emma allowed herself to moan against those lips, and they answered back with their own sounds as both of their fingers began to pick up the pace. The gentle nature that they had started with was gone, both now clearly chasing their growing pleasure. Regina was rolling her hips down to meet Emma’s every thrust that she was honestly having a hard time keeping up now that her orgasm was knocking.

“I love you too,” Regina husked against Emma’s lips before she began kissing up Emma’s jawline, panting in between each one. “And I’m going to make you my wife…”

“Oh god,” Emma’s whole body began to tighten to try and imprison those fingers deep inside her. She wanted them to stay, she wanted them to stay, she needed them to… “we’re engaged,” she found herself saying. “Oh…!”

Whether it was the reality of that fact finally hitting her or saying it out loud, she didn’t know, but it sent her over the edge. Emma came with enough force to almost forget not to scream. She began to, but Regina hurriedly shushed her, and while Emma was frozen in place, Regina took the opportunity to thrust herself down on Emma’s wet fingers. It only took two times before she was joining. Emma felt Regina’s walls tighten around her digits breathlessly tight, and then a fresh spurt of Regina’s juices were coating her hand. As Emma felt another contraction hit her, Regina took charge and pulled out, grabbing Emma’s previously engulfed hand with hers and pinning it over Emma’s head.

Emma felt Regina’s hot cunt against her own, and the contraction mounted into another orgasm. She let out a surprised whimper as she thrust up to meet Regina, her legs spreading impossibly further apart to make sure their mounds hit perfectly. She felt Regina bury her face in the crook of her neck as pleasure overcame her and soon the two were tangled together and wrapping each other tightly in their arms. Regina was pumping down against her, the friction against her sensitive clit sending Emma wave after wave in the middle of her orgasm. By the way Regina was moaning against her neck, it felt just as good to her.

Emma pumped her hips to meet Regina in the last of her peak, and then both of them collapsed at the same instant. Regina’s full body weight fell on top of her, and Emma could hardly keep her arms around her lover, she was so spent.

It wasn’t until she heard an unfamiliar sound against her neck that she maneuvered on her side and made Regina look at her. There was a tear coming down Regina’s cheek. It took her by surprise, but she found herself instinctively moving to wipe the tear away.

“Baby…” she whispered, not quite a question, but an understanding that intense emotions were swirling through their room.

“You’re going to be my wife,” Regina said, and Emma saw that the novelty of saying that and the reality of the words had Regina completely in awe.

She found herself smiling. “I am,” she said. “And you’re going to be mine.”

Regina grinned then, the smallest of sniffles escaped her, and then she leaned in to keep their embrace tight.

It was the most perfect moment Emma remembered having in a while.

***

 _Ugh, those two were so damned perfect with their perfect little first night as fiancés._ Zelena held a pillow over her head to try and muffle the sounds. If they thought they were being quiet, they were sorely mistaken.

Then again, she’d had to pretend she was asleep. Regina couldn’t know she wasn’t sleeping again. She wasn’t ready to have that conversation.

But the only way Zelena could sleep was if she drank. And she couldn’t drink.

She just couldn’t.

Ever since Ruby had disappeared, Zelena felt such overwhelming guilt at the very thought of taking a single sip. As if the two had a single thing to do with one another.

But they did. They bloody well did, and she knew it! Whatever Ruby had gotten herself into, she wouldn’t have been into it at all if Zelena had been together enough to be what Ruby had wanted her to be in the first place. It had been such a damned good excuse, hadn’t it? And now look where it had got you, Mills.

Still, as much as it pained her to go to the thing she hated, it was the thing she wanted too. Wanted more than anything else…there was a shit ton of it in Regina’s kitchen right now…she’d never know…too caught up with…

_Shut up, shut up, shut up…_

The best medicine to forget the thirst was thinking about that morning. That morning after she’d made such a fool of herself. She woke up thinking she’d only closed her eyes for a second, mind foggy and body sore. Her knee throbbed. But otherwise, Ruby was still spooning her and she was still in the same spot.

“I should get up,” she mumbled, and realized she had far more autonomy over her mouth. Her lips didn’t feel numb.

She was sober.

It was morning.

Ruby had held her all night.

“Jesus, its bloody morning,” she groaned.

“Shut up,” Ruby mumbled behind her, grabbing Zelena tighter around the middle. “You’ll wake me up.”

She couldn’t help it, she laughed. Shaking her head, she sighed. “Christ, Ruby. Last night…”

“I know,” Ruby said, and it was quiet for a moment. “It’s okay.”

“It really isn’t,” Zelena said, finally sitting up. She pressed her back against the headboard, prompting Ruby to roll on her back and stretch. She looked peaceful despite the circumstance. “I’m sorry I’m such a wreck.”

At this, Ruby peeked up at her before putting her hands behind her head and resting them there. “I think most of us are.”

“You’re well put together,” Zelena shot back, and that made Ruby laugh louder than she think she’d ever heard.

“You think I’m put together? That’s rich.”

“At least you don’t drown yourself in alcohol.”

“No,” Ruby’s face finally fell, and she looked up to the ceiling as she said quietly. “I just drown myself in a new partner every other night.”

Zelena looked down at Ruby with doubt. “You…you said it was freeing.”

Ruby sighed. “The _act_ is freeing. The Game…that’s something else entirely.”

“Then why do you do it?”

Ruby made eye contact with her then. “Why do you drink?”

Swallowing, Zelena looked away. “Helps me think…”

“Yeah,” Ruby rolled her eyes. “So you’ve said. But I don’t think that’s true, is it, Doctor? You didn’t look like you were thinking too clearly last night.”

Zelena opened her mouth to give a retort, when Ruby’s phone went off. She heard her own going off in the distance. It was probably lost somewhere in the living room.

Ruby checked her messages and was up and out of bed quickly. “Code Three. Regina’s got court. I’ll get it.”

Zelena felt a sudden surge of excitement, and she hopped up too. “I’ll help.”

Ruby whipped around and gave Zelena a queer look. “Don’t you have work?”

“My first appointment is at eleven today. Come on. It’ll be fun!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for your patience while this came out. It had been a pretty busy/crazy couple of weeks. Hope you are all doing well.


	16. Not Again

Regina woke up slowly, feeling a gentle pressure on one of her eyelids and hearing a familiar soft giggling. With a bit more clarity, she kept the lid that was being forced open up and tried to hide her smirk as Baby Emma muffled a giggle against her pillow.

Just as Baby Emma was about to try opening the other eye, Regina gave a playful snarl and pretended to try and bite Emma’s hand. It earned her a squeal of delight, and Emma quickly buried herself under their blankets.

Another regression. Regina would let that worry her later. Right now, Emma seemed to be having a great time.

She turned over and grabbed the lump that was Emma, rolling them over. Emma squealed again, her laughter muffled by the blanket she was under. Regina pulled the covers down and gave Emma a series of kisses against her neck, tickling her and making Emma try to escape.

“Mama!” she laughed.

Regina finally relented, keeping her hold on Emma as her Little One caught her breath.

“Auntie ZeeZee’s on the couch,” Emma whispered, as if the noise they had just made hadn’t happened and now it was important to not wake Zelena.

“Yes, she is,” Regina nodded, giving Emma’s bottom a pat. “Were you sneaking around the house again this morning?” she raised a playful eyebrow at Emma.

“Nuh uh,” Emma shook her head, eyes wide with being caught.

“Then how do you know that?”

Emma bit her lip, realizing she’d backed herself into a corner. Regina just grinned. “Let’s change your diaper and then we’ll go say hi, okay?”

“Already said hi,” Emma said as she hopped up on the bed.

Regina looked at the clock and saw that it was six in the morning. “Is Auntie already awake?” she asked as she grabbed the changing items from Emma’s crib.

“Uh huh,” Emma said as she laid on her back and stuck her thumb in her mouth. Regina found Emma’s favorite green paci and took Emma’s thumb out of her mouth to give it to her.

Getting the changing pad under Emma, Regina went to work getting Emma’s pajamas off and untaping her diaper.

“Mama, Auntie spiwd.”

Pausing wiping Emma down, she looked up at Emma, who had taken her paci out of her mouth and was looking up at Regina with an expectant eye. She knew her announcement was going to get a reaction.

“Spilled what?” Regina asked, wondering if she really wanted to know the answer to the question.

“Spiwd it all over,” Emma went on, and then began to whisper, “And then said fuck.”

Regina had to stop herself from raising her voice, because it wasn’t Emma she was mad at. She pursed her lips and took in a breath. “Emma,” she said sternly as she finished wiping Emma down and getting her into a pair of boy shorts. “We don’t ever say that word. Okay?”

“Auntie said it!” Emma said as she sat up.

“Auntie said what?” Zelena came barging in, making Regina whirl around on her and send her daggers through her eyes.

“One, knock next time,” she said through gritted teeth. “Two, I asked you not to cuss in front of her.”

“It was an accident!” Zelena threw her hands up.

“What’s a cuss?” Emma asked.

Regina pinched the bridge of her nose and took a deep breath.

“What did you spill?” Regina seethed.

“Relax, Bun,” Zelena rolled her eyes. “It was just coffee grounds. I cleaned it up.”

“You’re a walking disaster,” Regina blew out an exasperated breath as she put Emma’s changing items back, and she heard her sister scoff as Emma went bouncing into her auntie’s arms.

“Don’t say such things in front of my niece,” Zelena accused, as if it was Regina who had been more inappropriate.

“Come on, Little Dove,” she changed her tone as she pet Emma’s hair while Emma clung to her. “Let’s go watch the telly.”

Regina rolled her eyes and went to wash her hands, feeling a tug in her chest that would have to wait as Emma was clearly preoccupied and way too distracted by her visitor.

She spent some time getting ready for the day, though she was clearly going to be working from home until she put Emma down for a nap, and grabbed some sweat pants and a sweater for Emma, who was currently in the living room in a shirt and boy shorts. It was far too cold for that.

However, when she got to the living room, she saw Emma wrapped up in a blanket, nestled in Zelena’s arms on the couch, and the two of them were giggling as Emma pointed to the television and schooled her aunt on all Paw Patrol names.

Regina wrapped her arms around herself, feeling that tug again as she watched the two of them, and even though the apartment reeked of coffee beans and she was in just a bit of pain, she couldn’t help but smile at the scene.

She went and poured herself some coffee, coming back into the living room to find Emma sucking her thumb as Zelena ran her hands through Emma’s hair.

“Zee,” Regina chided gently as she came over and took Emma’s thumb out of her mouth. “Can you help me out just a little here?”

Emma giggled and turned around to dive her face in Zelena’s chest, who hugged her tightly and threw them backward against the couch cushions. “Let’s go back to sleep, Dove! And we’ll watch movies all day and eat ice cream!”

“Yeah!” Emma squealed in excitement, and Regina scoffed playfully.

“You,” she gave Zelena a pointed look. “Have work today. And you,” she knelt down and scratched the top of Emma’s head. “Have plenty of your own stuff to do. Starting with breakfast. Come on,” she coaxed as Emma gave a groan.

A look flashed in Zelena’s eyes, but she recovered quickly, helping Emma sit up again. Regina didn’t know if her sister saw her catch it, but she decided to leave it for now. She wondered if Zelena had been so wrapped up in Emma’s regression that she hadn’t remembered it was Monday morning.

“Before you go,” Regina said to Zelena, “maybe the two of you can talk about Emma’s drawings?”

At this, Zelena did meet her eyes, and Regina saw something register there. Regina found she was annoyed that Zelena had forgotten that Emma’s regressions weren’t just play time for her, but a condition that needed to be treated, and that Emma’s mind needed to be exercised when she was like this.

“Right,” Zelena said, a resolve seeming to come across her features, and she made Emma look at her. “Listen, Little Dove. I’m going to go get ready. How about you and Mummy have some time together, and when I come back, we can talk about you drawing me something in one of your pretty journals, hm?”

Emma bit her lip, her face twisting slightly. Her whole morning had just made a very different turn than the one her auntie had announced only moments ago, and she didn’t look pleased with it. “After Paw Patrol?” she tried.

“No,” Regina said before Zelena could come up with an answer, and she grabbed the blanket that had been wrapped around them to take it off. “Auntie has to get ready, and you need to nurse and have some breakfast. Okay?”

Emma didn’t say anything. She was still working her lip, and Regina could see her trying to weigh if this was tantrum worthy or not. Her eyes flickered to the screen.

“Emma,” Regina called her back, enough of a warning in her tone to make a point.

This seemed to make up Emma’s mind for her. She shot up off the couch, murmuring that she needed Pankie, and ran down the hall.

Zelena grinned after her. “Good thing you’re here. We would have watched whatever this god-awful show is all morning.”

“Don’t say fuck in front of my toddler again,” Regina found herself saying.

Zelena had the audacity to look surprised. “It genuinely was an accident. She sort of snuck up on me. You know the brat romps around the apartment while you’re asleep?”

“You have no idea how much she imitates you.”

“Really?” Zelena seemed to genuinely find this amusing, and she turned her head to smile down the hallway. “Good to know.”

Regina sighed as she sat down on the couch, beginning to unbutton her shirt. “It’s not funny, Zee. Go get ready. Once the two of you sit down, I’ll put a call in to Archie. I think Emma and I need to go see him together soon.”

“Marital problems already?” Zelena asked playfully as she got up.

“Zelena,” Regina started, and the tone in her voice made her sister turn to look at her with the first serious expression of the day. “This isn’t a joke. She’s been regressing too often since…”

Though Regina trailed off, Zelena had known where the sentence was going, and she looked as wounded as if she’d been stabbed. Her demeanor changed completely. “I’m sorry, Bun,” she whispered. “What can I do?”

Finally, Regina smiled at her sister. “You’re doing it. You being here helps.”

At this, Zelena gave a humorless laugh. “Could have fooled me.”

The two finally smiled at each other.

“Go get ready,” Regina waved her off as Emma came barreling back in, Pankie clutched tightly in her hand.

As her sister left the room, Regina sat down on the couch and welcomed Emma climbing into her arms. “Mama,” Emma started conversationally as Regina unbuttoned her blouse. “Can we haves pancakes?”

Regina tutted as she lowered Emma down and guided her nipple to Emma’s mouth. “I’m making oatmeal, and you’ll eat it,” she said this last part louder with her eyebrows raised as Emma was about to unlatch to protest. “We’ll put cinnamon and honey in it, okay?”

Emma did unlatch then. “How many bites?” she demanded.

That was something Regina had no intention of answering just then. This wasn’t a time for a back and forth. She raised her brows again in warning, and Emma latched back on. The slightly painful pressure that had been building was fading away as Emma suckled. A smile tugged on Regina’s lips and she leaned down to kiss the top of Emma’s head, snuggling her close.

“Hello, my babygirl,” she whispered. Emma giggled as Regina kissed her again at her ear, nursing steadily. It was a while before Regina felt the pressure fully leave her, and she knew that meant she had far more milk than normal. It took Emma longer to finish as well, lazily suckling and occasionally unlatching to ask a random question like if Regina would push her on the swing at the park and how many times, whether there was a real weather man in the sky, and how long Auntie was staying.

Regina was thankful that Zelena was respectful enough to not only take her time getting ready, but then planting herself in the kitchen afterward instead of in the living room. She knew Regina considered this time with Emma sacred, and didn’t want to be disturbed. Not to mention that a Baby Emma was much more easily distracted.

She sat Emma at the dining table with her regression journal, handing Emma her favorite box of crayons. It was almost time to get her a new set. These were worn down nearly to nubs, all the Crayola-marked papers torn off, needed to be dug out by impatient fingers. Still, Emma had them in a certain order: reds went with reds, blues with blues, darkest to lightest, and so on.

“Auntie,” Regina called. “Come sit by Emma, please.”

Zelena came in, coffee in hand and a smile on her face as she sat down next to Emma and watched as Emma scribbled a green shape with a fist. Regina was getting pretty good at telling what Baby Emma’s intentions were when she drew. This was starting to look a lot like a tree.

“What’s that, Little Dove?” Zelena asked.

Emma dug for her chocolate brown colored crayon and said importantly. “Iss gunna have a swing. Cuz Mama said so.”

Chuckling, Regina went to pour herself a cup of coffee. “Is that the tree Mama showed you, baby?”

“Yeah!” Emma answered.

“What tree?” Zelena said, running her hand through Emma’s hair.

Before Regina could answer, Emma said, “Mama says we can has one in the big house with the park out front.”

Coming back into the dining room, Regina saw her sister giving her a queer look. It didn’t occur to her until just then that Regina hadn’t really said a lot to her sister about the house she’d been looking at. Zelena might have been able to keep the engagement ring a secret, but not house hunting. Not to mention, she hadn’t really thought about Zelena’s reaction to a new house, further away from her, after they finally lived in the same neighborhood again.

“Emma and I…” she started slowly.

Just then, she heard her phone ring. As Zelena gave her a questioning look, Regina got up to fetch her phone that was sitting in the kitchen. Looking down, she saw that it was actually the real estate agent she’d put a call in to several weeks ago. Answering, Regina kept her voice low as the agent apologized for calling so early, but wanted to let Regina know that a bid had been made on the house, and telling her the amount, if Regina wanted to counter it.

“Can I have a few hours?” Regina asked. This was a decision she couldn’t make without Emma, and right now, the Emma available wouldn’t even know what a bid on a house was, much less give Regina the green or red light.

“Absolutely. The seller knows there’s other interested parties, and they’re giving till the end of tomorrow.”

“Good,” Regina sighed with a bit of relief. She could outbid the offer easily.

“Mama!” Emma cried happily as Regina came back in. “Look!” She picked up her journal and showed a brand new drawing, a red scribble followed by a dark brown and yellow one underneath pink figures showed Regina a portrait of the three of them.

“Is that us?” she asked as she sat down.

“Yeah,” Emma answered.

“Good job, baby,” Regina said. “Can Mama put it on the fridge?”

Regina saw her sister give her a wry grin, and she tried to suppress her own. When Emma came back, she was going to absolutely _hate_ that.

“Yeah!” Emma repeated. She tore it out and handed it to Regina.

“Okay, Dove,” Zelena said. “I’ve got another one for you. Remember you told me about the bad dream?”

Regina, feeling as if she’d just been struck by lightning, gave her sister a startled look, and then put her eyes back on Emma, who instantly looked more subdued.

“Okay. Draw Auntie the best and worst part about the bad dream.”

“Zee…”

But Zelena’s hand went up at her sister, not taking her eyes away from Emma, and Regina got the message that they were in therapy mode now, and not to disturb.

Emma sucked her cheeks in between her teeth and brooded as she looked down at the empty page. Regina, feeling her stomach churn, watched as Zelena leaned closer to her and whispered something Zelena couldn’t hear into Emma’s ear.

Whatever she said prompted Emma to dig into her crayon box, and Zelena finally looked at Regina. She mouthed, “go make breakfast,” clearly giving the signal for Regina to not be in the room. Sometimes, children said and did things they wouldn’t normally have the courage to do with their parents around. So Regina, despite her legs feeling like lead, carried herself out of the dining area.

She found an unused magnet and stuck the latest drawing on the fridge, staring at it for a long while until she could rip her eyes away. Both Regina and Zelena’s hair was drawn in squiggly lines, accenting their curls, Zelena’s red and long, Regina’s dark brown and short. Emma’s hair was straight straw going directly down to what were supposed to be her shoulders.

She cooked the oatmeal slowly and cut up some fruit until she began to hear giggling in the other room, letting her know that the exercise prompting Emma to draw her nightmares was over. Feeling safer about going back into the dining room, Regina brought out Emma’s oatmeal and a large plate of fruit for her and her sister.

Zelena gave her a serious eye, but said nothing, letting Regina know that whatever had come to fruition in the exercise was something they needed to talk about.

“How many bites?” Emma said, breaking the moment and focusing all of Regina’s energy onto her Little One. It calmed Regina, and she broke out into a smile.

“Ten,” she answered, waiting for the outraged reaction. And it came. Emma’s jaw dropped and she slumped in her chair so far, she nearly fell out of it.

“Ten!?”

Undeterred, Regina sat down next to Emma and put the bowl in front of her. “You know, you never ask me how many bites of pancakes you need to have. You seem to always finish them just fine.”

Emma grunted a response, kicking her legs a couple of times to show her displeasure.

“Sit up,” Regina said. “On your bottom. And start, please.” She got up to grab her coffee and take it to the microwave when she heard Emma mutter _stupid oatmeal_ under her breath. Whirling around, Regina gave her most severe look. “Emma. We don’t use that word. Understand?”

Emma’s eyes trailed to her aunt, who suddenly looked very busy flipping through Emma’s drawing journal.

“Even if Auntie says it,” Regina said through gritted teeth.

“What!?” Zelena had the audacity to look shocked. “I didn’t say stupid. I said fuck!”

“Zelena!”

Emma just thought this was absolutely hilarious, and perked up right away, grabbing her spoon and bringing a bite of her oatmeal to her smiling mouth.

“See! She’s eating it! Oh, what a lovely morning!” Zelena tried desperately, giving her sister the biggest appeasing smile she could muster.

Fuming, Regina went into the kitchen to warm up her coffee. Her sister was infuriating. Absolutely infuriating! Looking back, Regina would wonder if it was her general annoyance at Zelena that made her miss the deep lines under her sister’s eyes, how she appeared more jumpy than usual, how there was much more coffee missing than should have been, even with a spill. Because Zelena had been up the entire night, never getting a single wink, but also not able to run around the apartment busying herself with the usual antics.

Emma stopped after a few bites and went back to doodling in her journal, so Regina gently told her that drawing time was over, and took the book away. Picking up Emma’s spoon, she brought the oatmeal to Emma’s mouth and coaxed her to take her last bites, counting with her as she went.

“Well, I better get going,” Zelena announced, getting up and going to her night bag she’d left on the couch.

“Auntie, wait!” Emma whirled around in her chair. “What about the pichure?!”

Zelena smiled at both of them, and came forward to lean down in front of Emma, tapping her nose. “You give your journal to Mummy, and when you come visit me and Archie, you bring it with you, okay?” As she said this, she gave Regina a look that meant the picture Emma had drawn during their impromptu session that morning was going to be an important thing to discuss with Archie.

Ten minutes after Zelena left, Regina was still getting the last two bites out of Emma, who was so busy talking about all the things she wanted to do that day that she just couldn’t get in another mouthful.

“Baby,” Regina finally slumped her shoulders and gave Emma a huge sigh. “Please focus. All of these things you want to do aren’t going to happen until you finish your breakfast. And at the rate you’re going, it’ll be naptime before you’ve gotten to do any of it.”

Emma grunted, putting on her serious business face, the one where she didn’t like what she had to do, but she would do it for the greater good. Regina put the spoon down. “You feed them to yourself. Like a big girl. Go on.”

Emma huffed, but caught it just in time as she saw her Mama give a warning look. She sat herself up and grabbed her spoon, scooping at the bottom of the bowl and bringing it to her mouth. As she did, the doorbell rang.

“Issauntie…” Emma slurred with her mouth full of oatmeal.

“Mouth closed, please,” Regina chuckled as she got up to answer the door. She doubted it was Zelena, who had a key and would just barge back in. When she looked through the peephole, however, nobody was there. She opened the door anyway, thinking maybe they’d ordered a package she’d forgotten about, when she was met by Henry.

“Oh!” she popped back, and as realization hit her, she almost cussed out loud, but caught herself. “Henry! Hi…um…” she looked behind her to make sure Emma wasn’t coming.

“Hi Regina!” Henry gave her a tooth-filled smile, swinging from side to side with his large backpack behind him.

“Henry, why aren’t you at school?” Regina asked, cocking an eyebrow.

Henry sucked his teeth in between his cheeks, and Regina was hit with the familiarity. “So…” Henry started, his cheeks turning a few shades darker. “Don’t be angry, but…”

“Henry,” Regina lowered her voice to show she was serious. “You cannot keep ditching school. You made a deal.”

“I know! But…well, I think Miss Ruby’s missing!” he said, and before Regina could react, he was ducking under her arm and strutting into the apartment.

“Wait!” Regina called, but Henry had already made it to the dining room, and with Regina hot on his heals, he plopped down next to Emma, who screwed up her face and stared at Henry with shock.

“Hey, Emma,” he sighed as he slumped in the chair. “Okay, before you get mad, hear me out…”

“Henry…” Regina started.

“Who’re you?” Emma pointed her spoon rudely in Henry’s face.

“Ha ha,” Henry drawled, rolling his eyes. “Look, I’ve tried to go see Ruby a bunch, and…”

“Who’s dis?” Emma interrupted, still pointing at Henry and giving Regina a glare.

“Emma, can you go find your boots, please? They’re in the closet,” Regina thought quickly on her feet.

Emma brought her eyebrows down stubbornly, looking from Regina to Henry. Henry, for his part, was trying to get his backpack off. “Why won’t anyone listen to me!?” he cried. “I’m serious! I think Ruby might be in trouble! Don’t you care?”

“Wruby comes to play wif me sometimes,” Emma announced, finally putting her spoon down and stretching her hands out to Henry’s backpack. She had spotted a lego Star Wars keychain dangling from it, and was inspecting it now.

Henry suddenly froze and screwed up his face as he watched what Emma was doing. “She…what?”

But Emma wasn’t listening. She was busy checking out the rest of Henry’s backpack decorations.

“Emma, please go get your boots.”

Without a second glace at Henry, Emma got up and ran down the hallway. Regina didn’t have long to explain. She sat down quickly, and leaned into Henry. “Henry, listen to me. You remember what Emma told you about her condition?”

“Yeah?” he said slowly, as if he was afraid of where this conversation was going.

“Emma isn’t Emma right now. Okay? She doesn’t have any memory of herself. She doesn’t know you. She doesn’t know the real me either.” Oh, how to explain this to a little boy? Regina was kicking herself. She should have thought of this sooner. It wasn’t as if Henry was a stranger to just popping up out of nowhere.

Henry’s brows shot up, and his eyes widened. “Really? So, what does she know?”

Regina sighed. “Right now, she knows she really wants to go play on a swing set. But we have to take you to school first. I mean it, Henry,” Regina raised her voice just a little as Henry began to argue. “You can’t be ditching school. You made a deal.”

“But Miss Ruby!” he said.

“We know,” Regina started, but stopped herself from saying more. She pressed her lips together to keep from cursing herself out.

“What? What do you know?” Henry sat up straighter, attention fully on Regina, trepidation in his expression.

“Listen,” Regina lowered her voice as she heard Emma making progress finding her boots down the hall. “Emma and I are going to pick you up Saturday. We’ll spend the whole morning with you. We can talk about it then. Until then, you go to school, you go back to Mercy House afterward. Okay?”

Henry opened his mouth to answer when Emma came barreling in. “Look!” she yelled, plopping herself down on the ground, and looking up at Regina expectantly.

“Good job, Em,” Regina smiled at her, giving Henry a wink before getting up to crouch down in front of Emma. As she unlaced the first boot, she said, “Emma, this is Henry. We’re going to go for a ride, and drop him off at school, okay?”

Emma looked up then, smiling at Henry. “Do you read in schools?”

Regina had to give Henry credit. He turned his full attention to Emma, smiling. “Yeah. We’re reading Chronicles of Narnia.”

Oh, Regina thought with a smile. Henry had just earned his way into Emma’s heart.

Emma was off. She started ticking off her favorite parts and the best characters, gesturing wildly as she reenacted some of the action scenes. Regina had read those books to her three times each by then. Emma had loved them.

This kept Emma busy while Regina got her boots on.

“Don’t tell him everything, Em,” Regina finally cut in. “They’re still reading it in his class.”

“That’s okay,” Henry shrugged. “I’m way more into my graphic novels than Narnia.”

“Whassa gamphic novul?” Emma asked.

At this, Henry’s eyes widened in delight, and he dove into his backpack, pulling out a stack of thin, well-used, what looked like comic books to Regina. He sat on the floor next to Emma, and handed her a torn, water-damaged comic.

“This is Minecraft,” Henry explained, putting the comic in between the two of them and opening it up. He was very careful with it, and Regina could see why. It looked about ready to fall apart. She wondered how many children had owned it before Henry had gotten ahold of it. “This is Tyler,” he said. “And all his friends. They are going on a quest to The End to find a dragon. And this,” he pulled out another deeply faded comic. “Is The Last Airbender. There’s a show, but I’ve never seen it,” Henry mumbled the last part. “But my friend Grace has. She says it’s awesome. One day, I will. This is Aang, and Katara and her brother Sokka. Aang is the only living person who can use air magic. They call it Air Bending. But he’s gotta learn all the different elements because he’s the Avatar and he’s gotta beat The Fire Nation.”

Emma was absolutely entranced. Her eyes bugged out, and she ran her fingers along the illustrations. Regina could see her marveling at the colors and the detail. Emma always loved the illustrations in their stories. Regina doubted Emma understood anything Henry was talking about, but Regina could see: she wanted to soak it all up.

“Who’s dat?” Emma pointed at a sharp-looking girl dressed in green.

“That’s Toph. She’s awesome!”

He was about to go into another monologue when Regina cut in. “How about you tell Emma all about Toph in the car, okay?”

“Okay,” Henry grunted out, sounding defeated. For a moment there, he and Emma were in their own little world of graphic novels, and he seemed to have forgotten that he was supposed to be back in school.

Emma seemed completely enamored with Henry. She watched him like a hawk as he zipped up his bag, and when he got to his feet, she hurried to get onto hers, keeping herself as close to him as possible. Regina watched her curiously as they got to the door, and Regina pulled her coat on and then got Emma into hers.

As Emma got her arms through, Henry asked: “So, she can’t really do anything on her own?”

Emma wasn’t listening. She was reaching out for one of the Lego figures Henry had dangling off his backpack as Regina wrestled her into the jacket.

Chuckling, Regina made sure she had her wallet and her cell phone as she said, “I wouldn’t say that. But she’s not as capable as an adult, no.”

“So, how long is she…hey, careful!” he said as Emma grabbed a comic book out of Henry’s backpack and turned the pages. “It’s really old, mkay?” he said to Emma.

“Kay,” she mumbled, barely listening as she went over the drawings.

Regina ushered them out of the apartment and down to the car, where she let the two of them sit in the back together so that Henry could tell Emma all about his comic books.

She asked him a million questions, and Henry had a long narrative for every one. Half way to Henry’s school, Regina had learned most of the lore behind Avatar: The Last Airbender and The Clone Wars. Looking back at them from the rearview mirror, Regina thought he looked perfectly happy to have somebody so interested in the things he had to say. More than that, Regina wondered if Henry sensed what she herself was sensing: that Emma seemed to find him fascinating. Regina wondered if Henry had ever felt he was fascinating to anyone.

Regina couldn’t help it. She grinned like a fool as she stole glances at them.

She had to keep close eye on her GPS to get to the school, but they finally made it. To her surprise, there were a few people in the front already, and Regina could tell from a memory way back in her head that they were some form of yard duty.

Her thoughts were confirmed when Henry let out a groan. “Ugh…Mrs. Tidwell…” he said her name as if it were a curse word.

“Alright, Henry. You remember our deal, right?” Regina asked, looking back at him.

Emma didn’t seem to get what was happening. As Henry tried to put the graphic novels back in his bag, Emma reached out for them. “No. You stay.”

“Emma, Henry has to go,” Regina said. “But we’ll see him really soon. Okay?”

Henry looked at Emma and smiled. “Here,” he took one of his Lego keychains off his backpack and handed it to Emma. “You keep this. I’ll see you soon, and I’ll tell you all about Boba Fett.”

As Henry got out of the car, Regina hurried to follow. The woman called Mrs. Tidwell was walking up to them. She looked like the live edition of Professor Umbridge from the Harry Potter books Regina had read to Emma. “Henry,” she said sharply. “We can’t keep doing this.”

Henry made a face, but Regina took his arm gently and leaned down. “Hey,” she smiled at him. “You did really well this morning. Thanks for being so good with her.”

Henry looked embarrassed to be being thanked about anything, and he shrugged. “It’s okay. She liked to listen to me.”

Regina’s smile widened. “She did. Listen, don’t worry about Miss Ruby. Emma and I will explain later. Don’t worry about anything. Just do good this week, and we’ll see you Saturday, okay?”

Emma was exhausted by the time they got home. It seemed that the Henry excitement had drained her. She only asked a few questions about him in the car, but they were more along the lines of when they would see him again, not who he was or where he came from. Baby Emma took much more for granted, and it occurred to Regina that she’d never seen Baby Emma with a child before. They had all been adults, who she was more inclined to be suspicious of. It seemed children had a different effect on her.

All that aside, Emma’s lethargy would come in handy. It was already ten in the morning. She’d nap for maybe an hour. Getting Emma out of her jacket and helping her with her boots, Regina announced: “Okay, Em. Pick a book. Mama will read to you.”

Emma picked Oh, The Places You’ll Go, which relieved Regina. Emma tended to get mesmerized by the funny words and really pay attention instead of interrupting to announce the latest thought in her head. And paying attention to the words usually made her crash sooner. Add that to the exhaustion she felt, and Regina figured she’d have her out in no time.

But Emma wasn’t as keen to be changed and get into pajamas. She set her face in that way she did sometimes when she was about to really lose it. When she was tired, like most little kids, she wasn’t great about holding off her tantrums.

“You can have Pankie,” Regina coaxed, “and hold the book until we’re ready to start reading. Okay?”

Emma twisted her face, and her thumb inched towards her mouth as she mulled over her choices. Regina caught it quickly. “And Green Paci,” she smiled, cocking an eyebrow and giving Emma a funny face, making Emma giggle. “Hm?”

The distraction worked. Emma ran to get the book as Regina collected Emma’s changing items. And Emma quickly found her favorite paci and Pankie when she came back in.

However, once Regina made it clear that Emma would be put in her crib, she quickly lost any enthusiasm.

“No. Snuggles,” she stated, making sure she was firmly planted on their bed.

Regina knew that meant Emma wanted to be held as Regina read to her. It was more difficult today, as Emma had woken up regressed so often lately that she was used to waking up in the big bed, and therefore felt more entitlement to it than usual.

“No,” Regina said patiently as she shook her head. “You’ll lay down in your crib and Mama will read to you.”

The deep frown and quivering chin Regina hated to see started, and Emma’s eyes filled with tears. “No, no no no…” she kept going until she finally planted her face into the mattress and started wailing into it.

Regina responded by picking the book up from the bed and starting to walk out of the room. Behind her, she heard Emma immediately stifle her screams, and look up. “No!” she cried, this time in a plea instead of a protest. She knew exactly what was happening. Regina didn’t give in to tantrums. She didn’t even respond to them, which she figured had not been a normal adult reaction in Emma’s childhood. More than likely she had been met by frustration and anger by unequipped adults that didn’t know any better than to stoop to a toddler’s level. Instead, she simply put the ball in Emma’s court, and let her know that if she continued, she’d get any privileges taking away. In this case, Emma knew if she didn’t knock it off, Regina wouldn’t give her story time at all, and she could simply cry herself to sleep instead.

Regina turned, and gave Emma a no-nonsense face. “Are you going to lay down in your crib so Mama can read to you?”

Emma hiccupped once, then set her jaw and nodded.

Smiling, Regina came back into the room. “Good girl. Come on, baby.”

Pulling the railing back, Regina watched as Emma clambered in the crib. When she was finally laying down, Regina pulled a blanket over her as Emma clutched onto Pankie. Regina sat on the edge and opened the book. Emma watched her intently as the pages were turned towards her and she could see the pictures.

“Congratulations! Today is your day. You’re off to Great Places. You’re off and away!”

Emma had memorized most of her books by heart, so she knew when the pages needed to be turned. For the first few pages, she reached her hand out to turn them, until eventually she was too tired, and just listened. Half way through the fourth page, she inched her thumb into her mouth, and Regina found her paci and gave it to her instead.

By the time she reached the last page, Emma was fast asleep. Smiling, Regina closed the book, and before getting up to close the crib railing, she knelt and kissed Emma’s head. “I love you,” she whispered.

***

“You’re kidding,” Emma groaned, hiding her head in her hands. If she’d ever been more embarrassed, she didn’t remember it.

“No,” Regina answered softly.

“What was he even _doing_ here?” Emma said, as if any answer to that question was going to make her feel any better that a kid she barely knew had seen her regressed. It was bad enough that her adult friends had to see her, but a kid that couldn’t really comprehend it was not a great thing to hear. Particularly when that kid was her brother that she just found out about.

Regina sighed, and Emma could tell by her demeanor and tone that she felt Emma’s emotions and really sympathized. “You know how he is. He ditched school. We dropped him off. He’s there now.”

“Oh god,” Emma groaned again, still hiding her head in her hands, and she just kept chanting it over and over.

Regina didn’t say anything. She just sat with Emma and allowed her to process. And Emma had a lot to process. First, why was she regressing so much? She didn’t have time for this. She had a thousand things to do and had once again lost an entire morning. Ruby needed her, Lily Page needed her, Regina needed her, and so did Henry.

Second, as much as she’d like to work through it with yet more therapy, she had already lost so much time because of being regressed that she didn’t know if she could put it in.

“I called Archie,” Regina said gently after a moment. “We’ll go in on Wednesday. Together. Okay?”

“Yeah,” Emma said, finally raising her head and looking at her partner, who was giving her a kind look, if not a little sad. “Okay. Thank you for doing all that.”

Regina smirked then, and cocked an eyebrow. “If it makes you feel any better, you had a great time. And so did Henry.”

That solid stone in Emma’s stomach that fell when Regina first told her lightened just a little, and curiosity came across her face. “What do you mean?”

Regina’s smile widened. “You seemed to find him fascinating. You liked his comic books.”

“Comic books?”

But Emma saw a little shadow cross Regina’s face then. “Yes. He was telling you all about them. However, I don’t think he was their first owner. They were falling apart.”

Understanding Regina’s expression at those words, Emma nodded. “I’ll bet he wasn’t.”

“Anyway,” Regina sighed. “You were really into them. I think you liked the drawings. It was interesting watching you with him. It didn’t occur to me until then that I hadn’t seen you around a child. You’re different with him.”

“How do you mean?”

“When you meet strange adults, you’re very reserved. You mistrust them. You weren’t like that with Henry. You warmed right up to him.”

“Yeah,” Emma mumbled. “I always had a lot of kids around me.”

Ruby and Zelena’s apartment had a strange staleness about it when Emma arrived that morning. The feeling of something being unnaturally hollowed out hung around her as she walked in, and she wondered if Zelena had felt it too, and that was why she was okay with coming to stay for the weekend. She put Zelena’s key back in her pocket, making a note that since her day had been derailed, she’d need to drop it off in between errands instead of Zelena coming to pick it up at the office, and continued into Ruby’s room.

It had its curtain drawn, and Emma ignored the hidden side just for a moment. She was used to seeing it. In the house that she had rented with Ruby and Mary Margaret for all those years, Ruby always kept a curtain in her room. She said that when she had subs over, she liked to keep the rooms separate so that she didn’t ruin the fantasy for them when they were Playing. The quote on quote, normal side of Ruby’s room was tidy as usual, because Ruby always did like to keep things organized. She didn’t have much in the way of possessions. Ruby was a minimalist and preferred to be able to spend her money on new toys than trinkets or decorations. Her bed was lazily made: the blanket was thrown over to cover the whole mattress and her pillows were at the headboard. Emma leaned down and felt around the blanket, noting she didn’t feel anything underneath it. She checked under the pillows. Nothing. She raised the top mattress and looked in between it and the box spring to check if Ruby had anything underneath. She didn’t.

Not surprising. Ruby didn’t need to put things in a secret place, as far as Emma had ever known. She was pretty much an open book.

Well, so Emma thought. Until recently.

Ruby’s dresser had a mirror attached to it, and a few magazines and makeup on top. Emma went through the drawers. Mainly it was just clothes, which Emma felt a pang as she realized she recognized nearly every article of clothing. She had borrowed plenty of them throughout the years.

It hurt how much she realized Ruby was an extension of herself, and she had been to Ruby, and the chord seemed to have been cut violently.

“C’mon Rubes…” she murmured to herself. “Give me something…”

Her phone rang. Emma reached into her red leather jacket and pulled it out, seeing Anna’s name pop up on the caller ID.

“Hey, Anna,” she said distractedly as she kept looking, raking her fingers around every corner of Ruby’s dresser drawers.

“Em, hey!” Anna said excitedly. “Look, I know lots is going on, but wanna come play this Saturday? Elsa got me new board games.”

“Can’t Saturday,” Emma said as she ruffled through Ruby’s legging collection. “Regina and I…have something going on.” She was a bit too busy to get into details about Henry. Plus, she was still feeling uncomfortable with him being there that morning. How was she supposed to look him in the face this weekend?

Her fingers caught on something hard, and distracted by her sudden panicked thoughts about it, Emma found a small journal. She pulled it out and a green piece of paper fell out of it. Picking it up, Emma saw red pen that said: THANKS FOR EVERYTHING, LOVE TINK.

“Okay,” Anna sounded disappointed, but perked right back up. “What about this week?”

“Hey, Anna, do you know a sub called Tink?”

“Tink?” Anna’s voice changed a little, seemed a bit more grown up. “Yeah. She hangs around Eye Candy. Why?”

Emma absorbed that information for a moment. Eye Candy again. That kept popping up. “What about Ariel?”

“The redheaded performer? Yeah. I just saw both of them there a few days ago.”

“Wait, what?” Emma perked up at this. “You saw Tink at Eye Candy just a few days ago?”

“Yeah,” Anna said. “Why? What’s up?”

Emma felt herself getting angry. She’d told Tink to stay away. Why hadn’t she listened? Did she not take Emma seriously, or did she know more and didn’t feel she was in any danger?

“So they know each other.”

“Well, yeah,” Anna said. “Tink’s kind of new. I think she’s only been around a couple of months. But looks like she and Ariel have been hanging out a lot. Why, what’s going on?” When Emma didn’t answer, Anna prompted her again. “Em?”

“Sorry,” Emma snapped out of her whirlwind thoughts as she heard Anna calling her back. “Sorry. Look, I’ve gotta go. But let’s meet up later this week?”

“Okay!” Anna seemed perfectly happy with these results. “Look, if you need any help, I’m here. Okay?”

“Yeah,” Emma said, and hung up. She put her phone away to give her full attention to the book. There wasn’t a ton in there. Just some scribbles of things to do that looked older. There were numbers added and subtracted that looked like Ruby had been calculating her funds, and she saw Zelena’s name in Ruby’s handwriting at the bottom of one of the pages. It looked like she’d written over it several times, and she’d put a couple of stars next to it. Could have been a reminder for something, Emma thought, and then put the book in her pocket.

She went through Ruby’s closet, but it was mainly filled with shoes and Domme outfits. Nothing spectacular popped out at her. Ruby’s Domme side of her bedroom was pristine and held nothing other than her toys. If Ruby had left clues around, it wasn’t going to be found in her room.

Emma checked the bathroom. Zelena’s side was a complete wreck with all of her makeup strewn about and several hair brushes cascading over the counter. Ruby’s stuff was at least symmetrical, and there wasn’t a lot of it. She found nothing in the living room. Nothing in the kitchen but a bunch of tv dinners and a whole lot of alcohol. There was some beer that Emma knew Ruby drank, but for the most part, it was just wine.

In fact, there was quite a lot of it. And not just in a cabinet designated for alcohol. It was under the sink, in the refrigerator, thrown back behind some of the cupboards that otherwise were supposed to have dishes or pots. Emma even found a bottle in the shelf under the oven.

“Jeez,” she whispered to herself. She knew Zelena was unorganized, but to just throw bottles of wine wherever? But then, she realized that was the case because there wasn’t possibly any other room for them. Zelena and Ruby’s apartment had a tiny little laundry room at the side of the kitchen, and Emma went in to find dozens of empty bottles hidden behind stacks of linens and cleaning supplies and in the cabinet where those cleaning supplies should have been housed.

By the time Emma finished looking in the laundry room, she’d started a tally, and went back through the kitchen. Forty-three. She’d found forty-three bottles of wine. Walking back into the living room, Emma just stood there, letting that number percolate in her head, as her eyes focused on the wine rack that in and of itself was fairly impressive.

She looked down the hall. She stood and fought with herself.

“Nope,” she finally said as her eyes stayed on the door of Zelena’s bedroom. “Nope, nope, no. Not doing it,” she shook her head as she headed for the front door. Zelena had trusted Emma with keys to her place so she could look for clues about Ruby, not go snooping in her own stuff.

Emma had a million more things to do, she told herself. There wasn’t time for that. She’d just go drop the key off before heading to the diner and talking to Tink. Hopefully Tink would be there.

Emma headed downtown towards the courthouse, but once she got to Zelena’s office, she didn’t see her car there. She went in anyway, thinking maybe Zelena had just gone off to get some lunch. She’d drop the keys off with the receptionist, a college intern named Suzie, who gave Emma a weird look as she asked for Zelena.

“She didn’t come in today,” Suzie said. “She cancelled her appointments for the week.”

Emma blinked at her. “The week?” she repeated, trying to pull her thoughts together. She had just spent the entire weekend with Zelena. She hadn’t mentioned anything about not going into the office for a whole week. Not to mention that if she wasn’t at the office, where had she been when Emma went to the apartment?

A rush of panic hit Emma’s chest, and she thanked Suzie hurriedly as she ran out of the office and dialed Zelena’s number on her cell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter got cut a little short, as I know you all wanted an update out, but I got smacked with a family emergency yesterday and I just didn't have the brain power to write more.
> 
> It's been a little hectic here in California as most of you are probably aware. So...yeah. Please be patient with me.


	17. Secrets Told

Zelena was about to get out of her car to head into the building that she really didn’t want to be at when her cell phone rang. Looking down, she saw caller ID blinking: _The Brat_ at her _._

A little smile ticked on the edge of her mouth as she answered. “Hey, Dove. Feeling more yourself this afternoon?”

“Uh, sorta,” Emma said, and Zelena heard that Emma was panting as she spoke.

“You okay?” Zelena asked, clearly picking up on the rushed tone and Emma being out of breath.

“You scared me,” Emma accused. “Why aren’t you at your office?”

Zelena felt a hot rush of panic course through her. She felt the buzzing of her brain as it flatlined, and she paused longer than she should have. “Why are you at my office?” she asked, hearing how startled she sounded in her own voice.

“I came to drop off your key,” Emma answered. “I wasn’t going to be at my office this afternoon. They said you’d cancelled your appointments for the week? Zee, what’s going on? Are you okay?”

_Oh shit oh shit oh shit…._

What the hell? How had she not planned for this? Scratch that. Of _course_ she hadn’t planned for this! For anything for fuck’s sake! She wasn’t smart enough to plot and scheme. It was a miracle she had gotten away with any type of secrecy for as long as she had. Why hadn’t it occurred to her to tell Archie and that damned intern to cover for her or just keep her business to them damned selves?

“Zelena?” Emma’s voice came through again, and the silence must have made it seem like she’d hung up on her.

“I’m alright,” Zelena finally said, quietly. “I just…I had some things to take care of.”

“What things?” Emma pressed. Rarely did Emma take charge and force Zelena into a corner. That was Regina’s job. This was out of character for her, but Zelena figured Emma didn’t see how she’d had a choice.

But Zelena couldn’t very well treat patients right now. It would be so obvious she wasn’t listening. Too fidgety. Too distracted. Too damned submerged in her own crisis to help anybody out of theirs. As she looked up at the medical building, she swallowed the lump in her throat, cursing everything about her life.

“Health…things,” she finally said. Which made her sound like a bloody idiot. But what else could she say? It was the truth, wasn’t it? And it was vague enough to not say what was really going on. She wasn’t ready, she wasn’t…

She needed to be ready. If she was going to pull this off, if she had even the slightest chance of hope, she was going to have to tell them. Somebody had to hold her accountable.

There was a long pause, and when Emma’s voice came again, it sounded as if it were about to break, as if Emma had been turned into a scared little child in a corner. “Are you sick?”

“Oh,” Zelena breathed out. “Oh! Christ, no! Dove, it isn’t anything like that.”

“Well…then what the hell Zee?! I’m losing my shit over here! I go to your house and find…” but she cut herself off, leaving that lump in Zelena’s throat to double in size.

“What?” she asked in a rushed voice. “What did you find? Ruby…?”

“I’m not talking about Ruby,” Emma stopped her. “Zee…I went through every room.”

The silence that followed this time was not something Zelena computed. It felt like a split second and forever all at once as she thought about what that meant.

Well. Fuck.

So much for her plans that afternoon. What she was supposed to be doing after she talked to whatever quack MD about insomnia and other chemical remedies for what her mother had always called her “Biggest Flaw”, was meet up with August at her apartment to watch her throw out every goddamned drop of alcohol under her roof before she gave in to temptation, and then let him drive her to one of those meetings she’d swore she’d never ever bother with.

All of that stuff still needed to happen, of course, if she had any hope of redeeming herself. But after her little symbolic purge, having a proper chat with August, and introducing herself to a bunch of strangers, she wanted to spend the night crying herself into a fitful sleep in Ruby’s bed. Instead, she was going to have to make a pitstop to speak with her sister.

Because Emma had gone through her apartment. And it hadn’t even occurred to Zelena that Emma would have gone through…

“The kitchen?” she asked quietly, as if she needed to verify what she already knew.

“The kitchen. The laundry room. Zee…”

“Do me a favor, Dove?” Zelena heard herself cutting Emma off calmly, with a voice thick of her new sobs. “Let me talk to her? I know you can’t keep it from her. I don’t expect you to. Just…give me until tonight?”

There was another pause before Emma finally said: “Yeah. Okay.”

“She won’t be shocked,” Zelena found herself saying, a little laugh coming out through her sobs. Regina wouldn’t be shocked to hear she was a drinker. How bad it had gotten? That was a different story.

“Maybe not,” Emma said. “Is this what’s been wrong?”

Zelena laughed again. _This._

“Oh, Little Dove. There’s so, so many things wrong.”

***

Son of a bitch.

Emma texted Regina that she would be home late. Zelena had said she’d finish what she needed to by 7, and then she’d go see Regina. Emma needed to keep herself busy until then. She didn’t know how to not talk to Regina about this, but she had to respect Zelena’s wishes.

She had a thousand things to do anyway now that her brain had taken up her whole morning with whatever Baby Emma needed to get out. If there was ever a perfect time to keep herself busy to avoid telling Regina that her sister had just admitted she had a serious alcohol problem, it was that day.

**Regina: Late? Baby, I don’t want you to push yourself just because of this morning.**

Emma swallowed her guilt. She didn’t want Regina to worry about her, though she knew that it was well-founded. That being said, she really did have a lot of work to do.

**Emma: I know. Don’t worry. I’ll keep in touch with you. I just have a ton of stops to make and it’s going to be time-consuming.**

It took a couple of minutes for the reply to come through.

**Regina: Okay. Keep in touch. But when you get home, we need to talk.**

Emma figured it was about going to meet Archie, and she text Regina that she’d confirm the appointment later.

**Regina: No, I want to talk about the house.**

Oh. The house.

Regina would probably be surprised to know that Emma had given this a great deal of thought. That being said, she was going to wait until Regina talked to her sister before she got her heart set on anything. The prospect of purchasing a home with Regina seemed like the last thing they needed to be focused on considering what she knew was headed Regina’s way that night, but she’d wait for Regina’s guidance. Maybe what they needed was something to look forward to. Other than getting married, of course.

As impossible as it seemed, things had just become much, much more complicated.

Emma put her focus on her work, walking through the doors of Ruby’s diner with purpose as she made a beeline for Tink, who was behind the counter looking bored, but suddenly went pale at the sight of Emma.

“I told you to stay clear of The Scene,” Emma said lowly as Tink’s eyes trailed to another waitress passing them by to serve a couple in a far booth.

Tink’s eyes widened as she stammered out, “How did you know?”

Emma let out an involuntary laugh at the remark. She was surprised by her own cockiness, but at the moment, she was too suspicious and annoyed with Tink to care. Any other day, she may have been more inclined to use some finesse. But it had been one hell of a day already, and she simply wasn’t in the mood. Her patience had run out. “I’m a private investigator, Tink. I’ve made it my business to know. That’s outside of who I know in The Scene. Did you think I wouldn’t find out you’ve been hanging around Eye Candy?”

Tink had nothing to say to this. Her eyes darted around the room wildly. She looked as if she were trying to find something to say that would make Emma go far, far away.

“What do you know?” Emma pressed.

At this, Tink’s eyes got wide. “Nothing! I swear! I don’t know what happened to Miss Ruby!”

“But you didn’t take my warning seriously. Which tells me you either don’t believe me, or you aren’t worried. And if it’s that latter, that means you know how to avoid whatever happened to Ruby. So, I’m going to ask you again. What do you know?”

“Tink!” the other waitress turned both of their attention, and Emma saw annoyance on her face. “Order’s up.”

Emma reached into her pocket and flashed her badge. “She’s on a break.” Risky, as she didn’t have any real authority here, but most everyday people didn’t look too closely when a badge was flashed in their face.

“Stop it,” Tink said under her breath, her cheeks going from pale to bright pink. “Come on,” she nudged her head towards a side door, and Emma followed her out to the side parking lot where she had seen Ruby park a thousand times.

“Talk,” Emma said, stuffing her hands in her jacket to keep the cold out.

Tink didn’t seem to notice the chill. “Look, it isn’t that I didn’t take you seriously. I mean, she’s gone, right? But…I’ve got friends I trust. I’ve just been sticking by them. I haven’t been going home with anyone. I’ve just been dancing at Eye Candy. I need the money. And besides, I was going to stay clear, and then…”

“And then what?” Emma pressed as Tink stopped, looking away. Tink’s eyes trailed back to inside the diner, but she didn’t seem to really be looking at anything.

“That picture. The one you gave me of the missing girl? It’s been bugging me. I know that face. I used to see her around, at Eye Candy. I’m sure of it.”

Emma let that sink in before she finally asked: “One of those friends you trust go by the name of Ariel?”

Tink look startled as she stammered out, “Yeah. Why?”

“I have information that she knew Lily Page.”

At this, Tink went from looking startled to incredulous. “That can’t be.”

“Why’s that?” Emma asked.

“Because, I asked her,” Tink said, and it looked as if she were talking to herself now. “I asked her about Lily Page. I just brought it up in random conversation. She said she didn’t know her.”

For the first time, Emma felt some sympathy for Tink, and she tried: “Maybe Lily goes by a nickname we don’t know about.”

But Tink was already shaking her head. “Everyone knows everyone’s names. The nicknames, they’re just a little thing that people say, but we don’t use them always.”

Emma thought about that. Regina was The Queen, but everybody knew she was Regina. Emma, apparently, had a terrible nickname, but she herself had never heard it. Ruby was The Wolf, but always Miss Ruby. Gold had been The Crocodile…

Emma wheeled her thoughts back to the present quickly. She wasn’t going to invite that one in. Not today. It had already been one for the books. His face flashed in her mind…a finger going to lips to shush her.

_Stay quiet. Or he’ll kill you…_

Emma didn’t think. She spun on her heel and tore for her bug, fumbling quickly for her keys.

“Where are you going?” Tink’s startled voice barely registered in her ears.

Air. She needed air. Get that image out of her head. Get the sound of the zipper of that suitcase out of it too. He’d saved her life and ruined it all in one go…

“August,” Emma gasped as she found herself sitting in her car with her phone to her ear. How the hell had that happened? She’d gotten in the bug and dialed her partner’s number without even realizing it. Good thing, too. She didn’t think it was safe for her to be alone right now. And she’d promised Regina.

“What’s up, kid? You sound like you’ve been running.”

“Meet me at the office? We gotta talk.”

***

“So who is this Ariel?” August sighed as he threw his pen down on his desk, leaning back in his chair after Emma told him her conversation with Tink. “And why would she lie to her friend about knowing a missing chick?”

“I don’t know,” Emma said. “But I’m gunna find out. I also want to know why she’d tell Mary Margaret and David she knew Lily, but not her so-called friend.”

“You’re not looking so hot,” August said suddenly, and Emma focused her eyes to look at him. She hadn’t realized she’d been staring off into space. “All pale. You sure you’re good?”

Emma tried to shrug it off as she shook her head. “I’m fine. Just trying to work stuff out. I’ll get some sleep tonight. Tomorrow’s the bigger day.”

August grinned. “Going back under cover?”

“Anna called me today dying to get together. I think Tink just gave me the perfect reason. In the meantime,” she picked up her phone to begin texting. “I need to get ahold of Killian and see if he made any headway with Philip and Aurora. If they knew Lily Page, he’s supposed to find out why.” After she was done texting Killian, she turned her attention back to August. “You still haven’t heard from the department about anything else they found in Ruby’s car?”

August looked put out by the mention of the cops. “No,” he grunted. “You know how they are. Slow and secretive. I’m willing to bet they haven’t even processed fingerprints.”

“Then get Graham on it,” Emma said. “If ever there was a time for him to use his influences in the force, this is it.”

“He’s there now,” August said. “Doing something else on a different case. I’ll call him on my way out.” And he got up.

“Where are you going?” Emma asked, watching August pull his jacket off the coatrack and slide into it.

“I’ve got something I need to do,” he said vaguely. “Personal stuff.”

“Personal stuff?” Emma threw back at him incredulously. “What kind of dumb copout is that?”

But August just scoffed. “Oh. So you get to have a billion personal things happen, but I can’t have one little afternoon?”

But Emma didn’t buy it. “You know all my personal stuff. What’s with the secrecy?”

At this, the humor on August’s face fell, and he looked away as he grabbed his keys. “Sorry, kid. Not my secret to tell. Helping out a friend. Anyway,” he finally looked over at her and grinned. “Speaking of personal stuff, don’t you have something you’ve got to get done today?”

Emma’s eyes widened as she went through her head. Did she forget an appointment with Archie? Was she supposed to have lunch with Regina? Was…oh crap!

“Oh man…you’re a gem. Thanks for reminding me!”

“You gunna show it to me, or what?”

Taking out her phone, Emma pulled up her pictures, and handed it over to him. August took a second to inspect the photograph, before making an impressed face and handing it back to Emma. “Nice. Amethyst?”

Emma nodded as she took her phone. “Her favorite color is purple,” she said, feeling her engagement ring on her finger and marveling at its presence. She’d never once in her life thought she’d ever have a ring on this finger. But here she was.

On her way to the jewelers, she called Killian.

“I’m meeting up with everyone at The Dungeon tomorrow night,” he said. “I’ll ask around about Lily then.”

“Okay,” Emma said. “Keep an eye on how Aurora responds.”

“Aurora?” she heard Killian sound startled. “Why?”

“Its just a rumor,” Emma replied. “But sounds like the two of them might have had a little something on the side.”

“Huh,” Killian grunted. “Alright. I’ll keep it in mind.”

Emma’s next course of action was to set up the next evening at Eye Candy with Anna, who sounded particularly excited to help out. She swore she’d get Elsa to go along with it, and they came up with a meeting point. In the meantime, Emma had quite the evening ahead of her.

But first, time to pick up Regina’s ring.

***

Zelena didn’t know if she’d ever been less excited to see her sister. For the first time since coming back to Boston, she’d wished she was back in New York, far away from all of this. No accountability, no meddling in her life.

Okay, so Emma hadn’t meddled. It was her own damned fault for giving the brat the keys to her apartment and letting her snoop around. What did she expect?

Or had she been expecting that, and subconsciously knew? Did she set herself up?

Anyway, she sent Emma a text just before reaching their apartment door.

**Zelena: I’m at your house.**

**Emma: I’ll be there soon. Give you two a chance to talk.**

Zelena sighed. Great. Just her and her sister. Well, this was long overdue, wasn’t it?

When she walked in, the aroma of lemon chicken and roasted veggies hit her like a ton of bricks. If she were not feeling such dread, it would have been welcome. Tonight, however, all it did was invite her stomach to turn violently.

“Hey babe,” she heard Regina call. “You’re home…early?”

Regina appeared in the entryway, looking surprised. She was clearly expecting Emma.

“Hey Bun,” Zelena said, hearing the dread in her own voice.

Regina picked up on this right away. “What’s going on?” She asked, suddenly panicked, and she didn’t wait for Zelena to answer. She ran back in the kitchen, and Zelena followed, seeing her grab her phone.

“Emma’s fine. I just talked to her. She’s running an errand and then she’ll be home.”

Regina whipped back around and looked at Zelena suspiciously. “What are you two up to?”

Where to start? Zelena suddenly felt like there wasn’t enough time in all the world to explain things the way she wanted to explain them. Or didn’t want to explain them rather.

“For once, Emma is completely innocent. She just…thought we should talk.”

The look on her sister’s face was almost enough to make Zelena want to make a grab for the knife Regina had been using and stab herself in the heart.

Because it was so clear. It was so goddamned apparent.

Regina had been waiting for this. She knew and she had just been waiting for this moment. How long? How long had she been sitting around on the sidelines? Waiting for the shoe to drop? And did she know how bad it had gotten? No, there was just enough suspicion there. Nothing substantial.

Jesus, it was like having a book of her sister’s emotions read out loud to her.

Without getting a word out, Zelena buried her face in her hands and burst into tears. As sobs wracked her body, she felt Regina’s arms wrap around her, and she just sank her head onto her sister’s shoulder.

“Zee…” she heard Regina whisper, barely audible over the racket she was making. She felt miserable.

“It’s just…got out of hand…” she found herself saying. She wasn’t sure if she was making coherent words through her sobs, but she kept at it anyway. Needed to get this off her chest while she didn’t have to look Regina in the eye. “Can’t keep up with it anymore. Started…”

“Getting in the way of things,” she heard Regina finish for her. And that only got her sobbing up higher.

“How long have you known?” Zelena finally pulled away, and saw that Regina’s eyes were brimming, on that verge of losing herself. But she was staying strong. Her sister always stayed so strong. How did she do it? Zelena had always admired the way Regina had managed to keep herself so together.

At her question, a sad little smile came over Regina’s face. “I started picking up on it a few months after you moved home. I…” she sighed as she continued to pull away, making Zelena stand upright as Regina rubbed up and down her arms. “I’m not sure how bad it is. But, you’ve been acting off. Even for you.”

“I’m sorry, Bun. I feel like such an idiot!”

“How bad is it, Zee?”

Zelena took a moment to gather herself, feeling miserable, but at the same time so fucking relieved she didn’t have to go through all the aches and pains of shocking the hell out of her sister with awful news.

“Bad enough that I can’t keep doing it anymore.” And then she laughed, because who the fuck was she kidding? “I haven’t been able to keep up for a while. But…”

“You weren’t willing to admit that. What changed?”

Oh Jesus. What changed? Was it coming home, being around a group of people who actually gave a flying shit about her? Was it that she was aging, and that always caught up with you when you didn’t take care of yourself? Was it Archie’s understanding smiles as she gave excuses because let’s face it he probably knew her better than most? Was it August’s disapproving mutterings until eventually she pushed him away so she didn’t feel like she was being scolded by her goddamned father? Or…

Or.

Or had she finally found a reason. A reason to want to be a better person.

It wasn’t only that, of course. You never changed for someone. You changed for yourself. Zelena didn’t have to have a PhD to know that. But when she finally found somebody she didn’t want to cut off all emotions with. And fuck. Now that person…now she was gone.

“A lot of things changed,” she finally said. “I think I’ve changed. But…oh god, Bun. I don’t know how to say this.”

For the first time, Regina looked frightened. Her dark eyes shot through Zelena in that way that really broke her down, even when she usually put up a front that it didn’t.

“I think…I think I want Emma here for this part.”

That seemed to startle Regina, and she blinked before ultimately nodding. “We’re here for you. What can I do?”

“I just got done purging the bloody apartment,” Zelena said. “August helped. His usual chivalrous self.”

“Are you two back on?” Regina asked, making Zelena laugh.

“Christ, no. That’s over. But we’ve talked. We’ve come to an understanding. We’re going to be friends. I just…I needed somebody there who knew.”

Regina looked surprised again, and Zelena had to swallow down her guilt at revealing yet another thing that was news to everyone. “August?”

She smiled. “He’s spent far too much time with me not to know.”

“He never mentioned it to Emma.”

Grinning, Zelena shook her head. “No. He wouldn’t. He’s not like that. Knew I’d come to it on my own. Eventually. Anyway, I’m not sure there’s much else to do. I’ve got rid of all the bloody good wine Mother gave me, and the rest. Talked to a doctor today. She’s giving me something to help me sleep.”

“What about AA? Meetings?”

As much as she’d been waiting for that, Zelena couldn’t help but feel irritated. She absolutely hated the idea of being apart of a group. “Going tonight. I’m sure it’ll be bloody awful. But I promise you, Bun…I’ve hit that wall. I’m done.”

Both sisters turned as they heard the door open, and Zelena heard Emma’s unsure voice. “Guys?”

“In here,” Regina called, and Zelena noted the vast different in her voice. Whenever she was speaking with Emma. It made her smile inwardly. Regina had found her person. If all else failed in life, Zelena could be happy about that.

Emma’s frame came into the living room, and she looked harassed as she entered.

“Rough day?” Zelena asked, and Emma instantly gave her an annoyed look.

“It’s…been a day?” she said carefully as she came to sit on the coffee table, facing the two of them. For a brief moment, Emma and Regina smiled at each other and squeezed hands. Zelena could see Emma give Regina a look that expressed she was checking on her. Regina’s smile grew in return. Zelena looked away. These little moments between the two of them…they hurt when she was thinking about Ruby. And she was always thinking about Ruby.

“You said you wanted Emma here for this part?”

Zelena felt that little rush of panic as she braced herself for this. She hadn’t wanted to spill all of this in one go, but at the same time, wanted to rip the band aid off all at once. So goddamned confusing all the time. She wished all of this were over with.

Looking at Emma, she cleared her throat. “I know you’ve felt guilty about Ruby. Because she kept trying to call you. Tell you something.”

She saw Emma wince at being reminded, and Regina’s eyes flickered.

“But I don’t think she was trying to tell you anything about The Scene, Dove. I think she was going to talk to you about me.”

Emma’s brows went up, and for a moment she looked away, thinking furiously.

“Of course,” Regina sighed. “She would have known you were drinking so much. Maybe she thought if she told Emma…”

“She wasn’t going to tell Emma about my drinking,” Zelena cut through, looking down at her hands. She saw them shaking. “I think…I think she was going to tell Emma about us.”

The silence could have shattered the windows that looked down at the harbor. When it felt like it simply couldn’t go on anymore, Zelena looked up. Emma was just staring at her, mouth slightly agape. Regina, however, had buried her head in her hands, and suddenly let out a sound that was half sigh, half sob.

“Zelena…” she cried, and that really rocked Zelena’s world, because her sister never used her full name unless she had reached some sort of breaking point. “God, why didn’t you tell us?”

“Zee,” Emma said sadly, and for the first time in her entire fucking life, she saw Emma look sorry for her. “You’ve just been dealing with all of this? _Alone_?”

And Christ, that broke her. Because you’re damn right she’d been dealing with it alone! What was she supposed to say? How was she supposed to explain it? Even she and Ruby hadn’t been able to figure it the fuck out. And now Ruby was gone and it just didn’t feel right…didn’t feel like only her secret to tell.

“I didn’t…” she tried. “I couldn’t…” but then she just fell apart. And this whole coming clean and putting everything out on the table had really gone to shit, and she was not nearly as eloquent as she had hoped she’d be.

“You needed to,” Emma said, her voice stern, but not harsh. “It fits a lot of things into place. Trails I’ve been trying to follow up on that I might not have needed to had I known. Like Ruby shutting down on Killian.”

Oh Jesus. “Fuck,” she said as she felt more tears coming down her cheeks. “I’m sorry Dove. I’m such a goddamned insensitive prat. I wasn’t thinking about any of that. I just didn’t know how to tell you both. Ruby and me…the last time we saw each other wasn’t on good terms.”

“How do you mean?” Regina asked, as Zelena felt her sister’s hand come and wipe a tear away.

“It’s one of the reasons I didn’t think too much of it those first couple of days. I thought she was just avoiding coming home. She’d wanted me to just admit my feelings and I was being stubborn. I think it really hurt her. I thought she was out blowing off steam. I think that’s why she was trying to talk to you, Em. She wanted advice. She didn’t have anyone else to talk to.”

She told them as much as she could, leaving out any parts she felt were just for her and Ruby. She had to keep a little just for her and Ruby. And it wasn’t until then that she realized just how much there was for only the two of them. It hurt. It hurt like a goddamned cannon through her heart. She missed Ruby so much, she felt literal pain, she was so worried about her that she could hardly breathe.

“Stay here tonight,” Regina said softly, rubbing up and down Zelena’s back. It wasn’t often the two shared genuine intimacy. Tonight was chalk full of it. If she weren’t so upset, it might have felt unnatural. But who if not her sister could she count on in this stupid, fucked up world?

Still, she found herself shaking her head. “No. I’ve got that meeting. And I’ve got to try and work this out on my own.”

She felt a sense of pride in that. As much as everything else was completely out of her control, this wasn’t. She was going to get through this. She was going to work through the mess. She’d gotten herself in it, she was going to earn her goddamned way out of it.

***

Regina couldn’t sleep. She’d be too cold, and snuggle up to Emma, only to get too hot a few moments later. Her mind was buzzing, and her chest felt heavy. Emma sometimes said that she felt a coldness in her chest, as if the anxiety building up there were spreading an unbearable wind through her veins, freezing her heart. She couldn’t think of a better way to describe what she was feeling just then.

Next to her, Emma stirred, sleep fitful, but not as fitful as usual. And she didn’t want to wake Emma with her own insomnia. Sighing, she crept out of bed, and made her way to the living room. She grabbed the down blanket draped over the couch and wrapped it over her shoulders, ignoring the cold as she looked out the window. The lights of the buildings and harbor served as weak substitutes for the stars that could hardly be seen over the city. One day, she told herself, she’d take Emma and Henry away from here for good, and live somewhere where you could see the stars.

Emma and Henry…

Regina sighed, looking down at the coffee table to see that Emma had left some notes from the case strewn about. She was usually so good about cleaning everything up, but the day had served a lot of information up, and she had hectically worked through the evening, barely touching her dinner.

Ruby’s name popped up a hundred times in the notes below, shining up at Regina like a beacon. That name, over and over, churning in all of their heads, shattering all of them with each repeat on their lips. Regina had been so focused on Emma’s worry and heartbreak, but she also missed her friend. The woman she had met over six years ago now, trumpeting around The Dungeon like she owned the place, head held high, inserting herself into a conversation with Regina, clicking their relationship right into place as if it were as fluid as water.

_Regina had been sitting at the bar, waiting for her usual gin and tonic to be placed in front of her, looking around for her next prospective victim. She’d only been at it for about six months at that point, but already, she was hearing whispers about herself, and getting to know the regulars as if they were old friends._

_A drink slammed down on the bar, but it wasn’t the one she had ordered, and it hadn’t been placed there by the bartender. Regina looked to her left to see a pretty brunette lift herself up on the stool next to Regina and bring her drink back up to her own lips, eying Regina with a daring smirk._

_The gesture would have been taken as some form of challenge if the look on this girl’s face wasn’t clearly playful. As she filled her mouth with beer, she brought the bottle away from her face and pointed at Regina’s chest. Swallowing, she kept her friendly smirk. “You’re the only they’re calling The Queen,” she announced._

_Regina couldn’t help but grin. “So I’ve heard. A little cheesy, if you ask me.”_

_Ruby’s eyes widened and she shook her head. “Don’t repeat that anywhere else. You’ll never get rid of it then. They were calling me The Wolf at one point, but I pretended like I loved it, and nobody calls me that anymore. At least not to my face.”_

_Regina’s eyes widened at that, and she laughed. “You’re Ruby Lucas. Sorry to tell you this, but I’ve heard that name before.”_

_“Ugh!” Ruby slumped her shoulders and turned in her swivel chair, leaning against the bar and taking a dramatic sip of her beer. “I knew it hadn’t died.”_

_“Regina,” she said, putting her hand out to shake Ruby’s. But Ruby took it as if she were about to kiss Regina’s knuckles, squeezed her fingers lightly, and then let Regina’s hand drop._

_“You can call me Ruby, Rubes, Miss Ruby, whatever you like really.”_

_“Just not The Wolf?” Regina arched an eyebrow in a playful challenge._

_Ruby nodded. “Just not The Wolf.”_

_“Sorry to tell you, but I won’t be referring to you as Miss Ruby either,” Regina said as her drink finally showed up in front of her. She brought it to her lips and took a thankful sip._

_Ruby rested her head on her hand and smiled at Regina. “So I’ve heard. The word’s out about you, Queenie. Seems like you just showed up around here, and already, I’ve heard so many stories.”_

_Regina looked at Ruby, her interest peeked. “Is that so? Like what?”_

_Ruby sat herself up straight and crossed her legs. They were adorned in knee-high boots that looks as if they had taken about a half an hour to lace up. “Like,” she said as she jutted her tongue out quickly to lick the rim of her beer bottle, and then licked her lips. “That you’re an incredible lay, and you dole out some creative punishments, but that nobody’s actually seen that pretty little thing you have in between those leather pants. Where’d you get those, by the way? I may have to come raid your closet.”_

_Regina gave Ruby a suspicious eye, and even though she already knew the answer, she asked anyway. “Are you asking because you truly want to look through my outfits and toys, or are you trying to wiggle your way into my chamber, Little Wolf?”_

_At this, Ruby threw her head back and laughed. “You see, that right there,” she pointed again at Regina. “Is exactly why I’d never dream of trying to get into your chamber. We’d end up beating the shit out of each other by the end of the night.”_

_Regina smiled to meet Ruby’s humor as her suspicions were confirmed. “Not a switch then, hm?”_

_Ruby shook her head, still smiling. “Domme, through and through.”_

_Regina gave a playful sigh, and rolled her eyes dramatically. “Well, then I guess I’ll have to find somebody else for the night.”_

_Ruby laughed again. “Well, there’s only one way to know for sure,” and she leaned in confidently, resting a hand on Regina’s cheek and pressing their lips together._

_Regina kissed back, but without much gusto. In fact, it was taking a lot of energy not to start laughing again. Instead, she smiled widely into the kiss, waiting for Ruby to pull away. When she did, Ruby’s eyes widened, and that mischievous smirk returned. “Wow. Not even a tiny spark. And you’re hot too! You?”_

_Regina put her dramatically sad face back on and shook her head._

_“Nothing?!” Ruby dropped her jaw, milking the joke for all it was worth._

_“Sorry, Ruby. Looks like we’re just going to have to be friends.”_

_Ruby sighed theatrically. “I guess so. But hey, I have a different proposal.”_

_Regina tilted her head in a gesture of waiting for it._

_Ruby leaned in, and whispered: “See that little Vanilla wondering what made her think coming here tonight was a good idea?” she nodded towards a young girl that was looking around nervously, nursing a drink and biting her bottom lips. Regina confirmed she did. “I was gunna go in, but I didn’t want to completely freak her out. Maybe if you were a buffer, I wouldn’t look so intimidating. Wanna be my wingman?”_

_It was Regina’s turn to drop her jaw in mock surprise. “Ruby Lucas needs a wingman? Maybe I’ve heard wrong about you.”_

_“Come on!” Ruby rolled her eyes. “I’ll owe you. You help me get that little cutie home, and I’ll get you back next time.”_

_This time, Regina’s smile was sincere, and she raised her gin and tonic. Ruby squealed appreciatively and brought her bottle up. They clinked the glass together._

_That first night of so many. And then when Emma came along Ruby was so gracious about it, protective of Emma but so accepting, just welcomed Regina right into her circle._

_Oh, Ruby…_ And now, Ruby and Zelena had…

The tear that soaked Regina’s face surprised her. She’d been so deep in thought that she hadn’t realized she’d been crying. She wiped them as she continued to look out at the docs, hugging herself.

Regina nearly jumped out of her skin when she felt a hand on the small of her back. She gasped and whirled around, but Emma just began rubbing that same hand up and down her spine. “Sshh,” she soothed.

“I didn’t want to wake you,” Regina said, wiping the last of her tears away quickly, as if that would hide them from Emma.

A soft smile came over her partner’s face. “You didn’t. What’s the matter? You okay?”

“I couldn’t sleep,” Regina sighed. But Emma’s eyes didn’t leave her. She just gazed at Regina intently, waiting for more as her hand continued its mantra on Regina’s back. “I…was just thinking about Ruby.”

Emma didn’t look surprised. She just gave Regina an understanding smile, sad and silent. And then she brought both hands around Regina and pulled her in.

Regina didn’t fight it. She let Emma guide her until they were sitting on the couch, and she was resting against a strong, warm chest. Arms enveloped her, and Regina squeezed her eyes shut, bringing her knees up to her chest. She felt Emma breathing against her neck, and then her ear tickled as Emma whispered. “I’m gunna find her, Regina.”

Regina felt her eyes close tighter. God, she hoped that was true. And she had all the faith in the world of Emma’s abilities. She was so good at what she did, and if she ever had incentive to follow through it was now. That wasn’t what worried Regina. What worried her, was what state Ruby was going to be in when Emma did find her. If she was in any state at all…

“What did you want to talk about earlier?” Emma suddenly said. “About the house? I know we didn’t really get to it before.”

“Oh,” Regina suddenly had the flash of the phone conversation she’d had with the realtor about coming up with a bid, and though she’d had her mind on it most of the day, since Zelena had come over, she’d had so many other concerns. “God, I forgot.”

“Yeah,” Emma ran a hand through Regina’s hair. “I think we both got thrown for a loop today.”

Sighing Regina nodded. “Well, the house got a bid. We can easily outbid it. But I wanted to talk to you about it first.”

There was silence for a long while as Regina felt that hand continue to comb through her hair. Then: “You really want it, don’t you?”

That made Regina pause. She’d been so focused on how Emma was going to feel about it that she had forgotten her first excitement about the house, that feeling when she’d seen it for the first time. Remembering it, a smile crept along her lips, and for the first time that day, she actually felt good. It told her everything she needed to know. “I do, yeah. I love that house.”

“Then that settles it,” she heard Emma say, and found herself whipping around in surprise. Emma was sitting there with a grin on her face.

“Really? Just like that?”

Still grinning, Emma said, “You were expecting to have to convince me, weren’t you?”

“Well…yeah!” she exclaimed, finding herself smiling back.

But Emma’s eyes softened into seriousness, even though she held her smile. “You deserve to have what you want.”

“And you deserve to have a say in where we live,” Regina retorted, making sure that Emma really did have a say in this, and didn’t just do what Regina wanted her to do.

“I just did,” Emma chuckled. Then she nuzzled under Regina’s ear, sighing. “I mean it. I want you to go for the things that mean that much to you.”

Regina squeezed the arms that were around her. “It’ll be different. Making a home in a place like that.”

“You’re my home,” Emma whispered. “Wherever we are together, I’m happy.”

***

Regina had been tossing and turning, trying to get her mind to quiet down. It had finally worked once Emma flopped over on her and curled into Regina’s side in her sleep. She had let out a content sigh, resting her head on Regina’s chest, and it had done the trick. Regina had been able to focus on the gift she had right there in her arms, despite the rest of the world crashing down around them, and finally drifted off.

But she was woken violently as the one she was holding let out an ear-splitting howl, and her body went rigid. Regina was up, grabbing hold of the arms that had frozen in place, feeling Emma’s whole body drench itself in sweat in an instant.

“Emma. Baby…” her calling was drowned out by another howl, and she looked down to see Emma’s eyes open, blank and empty, mouth agape in horror. She saw the veins in Emma’s neck popping as her scream died out and she didn’t take in breath.

“Emma!” Regina yelled, rolling Emma onto her back and putting her hands on Emma’s face, holding hard to make an impact. Of course, she had none. “Breathe!”

Emma’s face went red and then turned a frightening shade of blue. Regina had seen it before, but it was one of those things that she was never going to get used to, no matter how many times it happened. She pressed her lips to Emma’s open mouth and blew in, trying to get Emma to take in the air. Emma gasped in the breath, but not enough of it, and Regina turned Emma over on her side, hitting Emma’s back to try and stimulate her.

“Come on, sweetheart,” she said, her lips to the shell of Emma’s ear, trying to keep her voice steady. “Emma, you’re right here with me. You’re with Regina. Come back to me, darling.”

Emma wheezed in a shaky breath, her eyes still pitch black, her limbs unbending but her hands beginning to claw and try to gain purchase to something, anything. Regina took hold of one of them and felt Emma clasp back immediately.

“That’s it. Fight back,” Regina encouraged. Emma let out another terrible scream, but she had so little air in her lungs that it was cut off, and instead she began wheezing again. Regina stopped smacking Emma’s back to lean down and grab hold of her foot. She squeezed hard. “Focus, Em. Focus here. Come on.”

Emma’s arms gained just enough flexibility for her to move them in jerky motions. She looked like she was trying to swim through thick water, but she took in a full breath this time, and Regina saw her color begin to come back into her face.

“There you go. Keep fighting. You’re at home, you’re safe. I’m here with you. Mama’s here with you.”

It felt like it took forever. It always felt like it took forever, of course. But slowly Emma’s muscles relaxed, her breathing began to steady.

“Emma?” Regina called, running her hands all along Emma’s legs, her hips, her back, her arms, until she made her way to Emma’s face, rubbing clammy cheeks with her thumbs. “You hear me, baby?”

Emma made a strange grunting noise, and tears started to streak down her cheeks. But there was enough green in her eyes to see that she was more than halfway back.

“Squeeze my hand if you hear me,” Regina said, grabbing hold of Emma’s hand, who gave a weak but present squeeze. “Good girl. Take some deep breaths.”

Emma tried. She didn’t succeed. She began shivering, and Regina worked to get Emma to sit up. It took a long time. Emma was practically dead weight, and her shaking became so uncontrollable that it was violent. Her teeth chattered loudly as she let out a strange whimper. Holding her close, Regina kept Emma upright, feeling the sweat soaking Emma’s clothes.

“Hey, hey…just relax,” she brought Emma into a tight hug and began rocking her. “Sshh...just relax. I’ve got you.”

“Hurts,” Emma barley managed.

“What hurts?” Regina pulled them apart just enough to look into Emma’s eyes, and Emma brought a shaky hand to her chest, pointing there.

Regina nodded. Emma had described the feeling before. Like an icicle had burrowed into her ribcage, trapped all the air inside, made it feel like a giant block of ice was weighing down on top of her chest.

“Just try to breathe,” she tucked a damp lock of hair behind Emma’s ear as she lowered her back down. “Wait here.”

She went into the bathroom to grab Emma’s Xanax. She had broken off one of the pills into thirds and now she took the smallest piece, filling a glass with water from the tap and bringing it back to the bed. “Come on, my love,” she said as she helped Emma sit back up.

It was such an enormous effort for Emma that she had to rest her head against Regina’s chest and take several breaths. Regina paused to just hold her, feeling her own chest weigh down with the heaviness of the attack.

“R’gina?” she finally heard, and she pulled them apart to look into Emma’s eyes. They were bewildered, looking around, brows down. She was confused. “W’happent?”

“Sshh,” Regina cradled Emma’s cheek, pressing their foreheads together. Emma always had spotty memory just after a flashback. Her consciousness always seeming to be rocking back and forth. “Don’t worry about that. I’m here. You’re safe. Just breathe, okay?”

Emma seemed to sigh into the words and sucked in a decent amount of air. Rubbing along Emma’s back to encourage her, Regina smiled. “Here we go,” she murmured and finally pulled them apart and brought the shard of the pill to Emma’s lips.

Emma made a pained face, but took it. As much as the aftermath of the pill was difficult for her, the pain in Emma’s chest almost instantly dissipated when she took them, allowed her to breathe. And it kept her from having another attack so close after the first.

When she’d finally gotten it down, Regina gathered Emma back up in her arms and just held her, rocking them slowly until she felt Emma’s body growing heavier and heavier. She’d wait until the medicine fully kicked in. Then she’d change Emma.

“My girl,” she whispered against Emma’s hair as she rocked her. “My brave girl.”

***

The sunlight was breaking through the buildings, beaming down on Emma’s face, and waking her. Still, she felt heavy with sleep, weighed down by the heavy lead that was her medication. Regina hadn’t given her as much as she’d normally taken. She must have been able to break the flashback before it got too bad. Emma didn’t really remember. She never remembered.

She had a fuzzy image of Regina changing her. Not much else.

For once, she couldn’t bring herself to feel anxiety about missing out on another morning. She was exhausted.

“R’gina?” she slurred, sitting herself up and looking around the room. Nobody was there. She found herself on Regina’s side of the bed, and another flash of recollection hit her as Regina had stripped the bed and wrapping them up in a warm blanket together.

She heard hurried footsteps from the hallway, and Regina came in. She had her glasses on, which told Emma she’d been working in the office, and Emma felt a wave of affection at seeing her in them. She rarely did, but she was secretly obsessed with them.

The relief on Regina’s face at seeing her getting up was palpable, and she came to Emma’s side. “Hi, honey,” she said quietly. When she reached the side of the bed, Emma leaned forward and rested her forehead on Regina’s stomach, closing her eyes and feeling hands comb through her hair.

“Hi,” she croaked. “How bad?”

She heard Regina sigh as she massaged Emma’s scalp. “It’s always bad. Always scary.”

“I’m sorry,” Emma said, nuzzling closer and wrapping her arms around Regina’s waist. They stayed like that for a moment before Regina leaned down and smiled at Emma.

“You’re my Little One today,” she announced kindly, and Emma couldn’t help but give a small, tired laugh. “I mean it,” Regina asserted, though she was still smiling. “We’re staying home. You’re resting. Understand?”

Emma just nodded, sighing again. She didn’t have the energy to try and argue about staying home. She’d get nowhere until the lethargy wore off anyway.

Without another word, Regina’s hand ventured down between Emma’s legs, and no matter how many times this happened, she felt the surge of warm pleasure at Regina checking on her. She knew she was dry, but also knew that Mama wouldn’t allow her to sit in the same diaper she’d slept in no matter what.

Emma saw a smirk come across Mama’s face, and she felt her hand being tugged. At the same time, her soother was taken out, and she realized that her fingers had reached her mouth. It suddenly felt very empty, but she should have known she didn’t need to worry. There was a familiar feeling at her lips, and Emma clamped down on her paci that always seemed to magically appear when she needed it.

Suddenly, she felt a surge of strong emotions well up inside of her, and without meaning to, her eyes filled with tears until the face in front of her was a blur. And then they were grasping each other, Emma holding on to dear life as she grappled with all the things that had happened in such a small amount of time. The last day had been one for the books.

“I know,” she heard against her ear, and the heaviness in the voice told Emma she wasn’t the only one crying. When they pulled away, she felt tears being wiped from her face, and then Mama wiped at her own tears, even though she was smiling. “But hey, I’m here. And you’re here,” she said as she continued to wipe at both of their tears. “We’re together. We’ll get through it all together. Hm?”

Emma nodded as she hiccupped behind her paci, and reached out again to be held.

“Okay, my love. How about we take a bath?”

At this, Emma took the paci out of her mouth, and asked: “together?”

A huge smile came across Mama’s face, and she leaned forward, kissing both of Emma’s cheeks. “Yes.”

Emma allowed herself to be laid on her back, and her pajama bottoms were removed before the diaper was untaped and taken off. Still feeling heavy with medicine, Mama needed to help her up so that they could stand and her shirt could be taken off. Her arms felt like lead as she was stripped.

She was led into the bathroom, where Mama lowered her down into an empty tub, but she turned it on and kept her hand under the running water until she felt the temperature was just right. Emma brought her knees up to her chest and rested her head there as she felt the tub filling with warm water. A few moments later, a naked body was slipping in behind her, and she was guided down to rest against a bare chest.

But when she put her weight down, she heard a sharp intake of breath, felt Mama wince. Instinctually, Emma turned herself and cradled a heavy breast in one of her hands. She leaned down and took the nipple in between her lips, and as she gave a long, purposeful suck, a stream of milk hit her tongue and the body underneath her sighed in relief.

Emma curled herself up into Mama’s lap, the rising water turning her nearly weightless. It enveloped them both in warmth as she felt herself being cradled in one arm, the other rubbing over her bare legs.

“Hello, my baby,” she heard a gentle whisper, and it encouraged her to continue suckling.

Emma felt herself drift, and was woken up by that same voice coaxing her to pivot. “Come on, sleepy girl,” Mama murmured, but Emma felt herself moving so slowly she wasn’t sure if she was moving at all. She felt heavy with sleep and milk and warm water. She gave a little fuss at being forced to wake, but she was quieted instantly when she felt her body rest again and soft skin against her lips. She latched on and tasted new milk.

She wasn’t sure if she had suckled for long before she drifted off again, but when she woke up, she was being lifted to a sitting position, and left alone in the bathtub.

She heard the drain being unplugged and was lifted out of it, water cascading down as her heavy body wanted to slump down with it.

“Come on,” she felt herself being wrapped up in a large towel, and hadn’t realized she had been whimpering until she stopped from how warm it felt. Arms wrapped around her and held her as she was dried off.

“Story?” Emma asked as she was laid on the bed, feeling a tap on her bottom to raise her hips. She did as she was told, and felt the softness of a new diaper under her bottom. She sighed as she rested back down.

Mama leaned down and she felt feather kisses against her cheek trailing up to her ear. Emma giggled as she squirmed, but was steadied again by expert hands, and wrapped up in her diaper.

“Yes, my love. We will have a story.”

It was still hard to help Mama get her dressed. Her arms felt heavy. So did her eyes. But once they were both dressed, she was guided to their recliner chair, and she nuzzled into the crook of Mama’s neck as their book was opened. Emma felt the soft words vibrating against her ear. She brought her hand up and wrapped her fingers around the fabric of Mama’s silk shirt as her eyelids drooped.

She felt a kiss on the top of her head, and she snuggled in further until she felt a chuckle and a steady pat on her bottom.

Once that rhythm started, she was a goner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope everyone enjoyed the chapter. We're getting closer...trust me!


	18. Quiet Before the Storm

“Hey, Bun,” Regina heard a groggy voice on the other end of the line, and looked at the clock.

“Were you sleeping? It’s almost noon,” she said.

She heard a bit of shuffling through the receiver, and then Zelena grunted. “Huh. I guess that natural shit really works.”

“What did you take?” she asked, and she heard Zelena grunt again.

“Doctor didn’t want to prescribe me anything due to my apparent addictive personality,” she said with some disdain. “Gave me some over the counter melatonin and told me to take it with some food. Anyway,” she gave a heavy sigh and sounded a bit more awake. “Calling to check on me? I’m alright.”

“I’m glad,” Regina said with a smile. “And I did call to check on you. But I also called to see if you could maybe come over?”

She heard Zelena scoff on the other end. “I don’t need a babysitter. I’ll be alright tonight.”

“I don’t mean tonight. I mean right now. Emma had a flashback last night,” Regina whispered as she looked down the hall. Emma hadn’t emerged from it. She was still out after Regina had put her back to sleep during their story time. “We’re here at home, but I really need to go into the office and pick up a few things and sign some paperwork. I don’t want to leave her alone.”

She heard motion on the other end. “Sounds like fun. I’ll be there.”

Regina chuckled. “I’ll owe you dinner.”

“Christ, that sounds good,” Zelena sighed. “I haven’t had a proper meal in it feels like weeks.”

Regina promised her sister a decent meal that night, and went back into their bedroom. She sat on the side of the bed and ran her fingers through a sleeping Emma’s hair. She was bundled up with Pankie, and she was so dead asleep that her pacifier was dangling out of her mouth. Regina found herself grinning from ear to ear as she watched her, and she tenderly took the pacifier all the way out and set it to the side. The motion made Emma stir, and then she groaned in her sleep and stuck her fingers in her mouth.

Regina laughed quietly. “Well, that was a fail,” she whispered to herself as she reached to take Emma’s fingers out of her mouth. The act had Emma whimpering in her sleep, and Regina clicked her tongue on the roof of her mouth to make a suckling sound that soothed Emma. “You’re alright, Little One,” she murmured, taking the pacifier and putting it between Emma’s lips.

Emma felt the nipple and instantly started to suck, and Regina took the time to simply watch her, running her fingers through Emma’s hair as she watched her sleep. She hated the idea of waking her, but Emma had been asleep for almost two hours, and she needed to get some food in her before Regina went into the office. Despite barely any sleep herself and her anxiety from Emma’s flashback, she had paperwork to pick up, and needed to meet with the realtor to get their offer in.

She took one last look at her sleeping Little One, but finally leaned down and whispered gently. “Emma. Let’s get up.”

A little coo answered her, and Emma stirred.

“That’s it. Wake up, darling.”

Emma’s eyes blinked slowly, clearly still heavy with exhaustion. The medicine would weigh her down for a couple more hours. But they would also keep her pacified, and give her chest less pain. It was the lesser of two evils to have Emma groggy.

Emma’s eyes focused and fell on Regina, who smiled down at her, the back of her fingers stroking Emma’s cheek. “Hello, babygirl.”

Emma responded by suckling forcefully on her paci and clutching Pankie harder, eyes closing again.

“Oh, no,” Regina chuckled, grabbing Emma around the middle and forcing her to sit up. “It’s time to wake up.” Emma let out a whimper of protest, and her head clunked on Regina’s shoulder. Regina let out a sympathetic croon, but reached up and took Emma’s paci out of her mouth.

“Tired,” Emma said in a cracked voice.

“I know you are, my love,” Regina answered. “But I’ve got a surprise for you.” That, of course, had the desired effect. Emma sat up and looked at Regina hopefully. “Auntie’s coming over.”

A little smile ticked on Emma’s face as she rubbed her eye. “Wanna see Auntie,” she murmured thickly.

“I know,” Regina hugged Emma before pulling away and getting Emma to sit up on her own. “Come on,” she took Emma’s hands to guide her to her feet, and led her to the bathroom, where she sat Emma up on the counter and wet a washcloth. She brought it to Emma’s face and lightly scrubbed the sleep from her eyes. “Let’s change you into some big girl panties, get you dressed, and have a little bit of toast,” she said the last part pointedly to tell Emma that she wasn’t going to hear any arguments about it. Emma made a pained face but didn’t say anything. She knew the rules. She may not be hungry, but she needed to try. When she was done washing Emma’s face, she rubbed some lotion into her skin. Emma closed her eyes and sighed as she felt the cream being lathered in, making Regina smile to herself. She gave Emma her toothbrush and let her brush her own teeth as she combed through Emma’s hair and got it into a neat ponytail.

When Emma had finished and rinsed, Regina grabbed her cheeks lightly and placed a soft kiss on her lips. Emma rested her forehead against Regina’s then and sighed, still obviously sleepy. Regina rubbed Emma’s back as she hummed. “I know, baby. Come on. Let’s go change you.”

Laying Emma down and stripping her pajama bottoms off, Regina saw that she was just slightly wet. For a second, she fought with herself about getting Emma into another diaper before she went to the office. Emma would shift headspaces just enough when Zelena got there that she wouldn’t need one. Of course, that didn’t factor in Emma potentially falling asleep and regressing.

Wiping Emma down, Regina asked: “You gunna be okay with your big girl panties, Em?”

“Yeah,” Emma answered as she rubbed a tired eye again.

Regina smiled down at her as she took out Emma’s lotion and began rubbing it into her folds and on her bottom. Emma let out a content sigh, making Regina smile and lean down to kiss Emma’s cheek. “Good girl,” she praised.

She got Emma dressed in jeans and a hoodie before washing her own hands and leading them into the kitchen, where Emma sat on the kitchen counter as Regina busied herself with getting them some toast and her homemade applesauce. As she worked, she heard the front door open.

“Hello?” Zelena called, coming into the kitchen. The moment she set eyes on Emma, she sighed and came up to her.

Emma already had a big grin on her face at the sight of Zelena, and as Zelena wrapped her arms around Emma’s waist, Emma dove her head into Zelena’s shoulder. “Auntie’s here, darling,” Zelena said. “Did you have a rough night?”

Emma nodded into Zelena, who groaned in sympathy and pulled away to look Emma over. “Did Mummy do breathing with you?” she asked, looking at Regina as she was buttering a piece of toast.

“She just woke up,” Regina answered. “She needs a bit of food in her before anything.”

As Emma made a face, Zelena tutted at her. “She’s right, Dove. Come on,” she helped Emma off the kitchen counter and led her to the dining room table, where Regina sat down next to Emma with a bowl of apple sauce in her hand. She dipped the spoon in and brought it to Emma’s lips as Zelena got up. “Got some coffee made?”

Regina nodded as Emma took a delicate bite. A little applesauce landed on her bottom lip, and Regina scooped it up with the spoon and popped it into Emma’s mouth.

“How many bites?” Emma asked as she swallowed.

Regina gave her a tender smile. “Let’s try seven more, okay?”

Emma grimaced and looked down at the toast Regina had set on the table.

“Here, honey,” Regina picked the toast up and brought it to Emma’s mouth. “Go on.”

Emma nibbled on it, but Zelena scoffed as she came back in and surveyed the scene. “It’ll take her all afternoon to finish at that rate.” She winked at Emma.

“Whatever it takes,” Regina mumbled, focusing her attention on getting Emma to take another bite of applesauce.

“You better get going then,” Zelena said. “I’ve got this.”

At that, Emma gave Regina a panicked look, but Regina just smiled assuredly at her. “I’ve got to go pick some things up at the office, baby. And go see the realtor about the bid. I’ll be back in a little while. ZeeZee will be here with you.”

Emma swallowed the bite of applesauce, looking as though it genuinely pained her to do it, but she said absolutely nothing as she nodded in defeat. Regina felt like she could have taken a tantrum or even a bit of a complaint, but the resigned look on Emma’s face broke her heart.

She leaned forward and touched their foreheads. “I’ll be back before you know it. I love you.”

“I love you too,” Emma whispered.

“We’ll be here when you get back,” Zelena said as she took the bowl from in front of Regina and got a spoonful to bring to Emma’s lips. Emma hesitated, and Regina stood up, kissing Emma’s head.

“Don’t force it too much, Zee. Let her take her time.”

“Listen to that one,” Zelena said to Emma conspiratorially, grinning. “She’s worried I won’t take care of you. We’ve got this, don’t we, Little Dove?”

Emma couldn’t help but mirror her smile, and she nodded. Regina smiled as she rolled her eyes, and kissed Emma one more time before walking out of the dining room. “I’ll be back soon.”

***

Emma watched Regina go, feeling at odds with her headspace. She was so tired and groggy because of the Xanax, her body was aching terribly from her muscles seizing up so tightly, and she had absolutely no appetite. Regina being there to take care of her had eased just enough of all of that for her to feel she could handle the morning.

Zelena seemed to read her mind and ran a hand through Emma’s hair. “She’ll be back soon, Little Dove. Come on, take another bite for me.”

Zelena brought the spoon to Emma’s mouth, and she took half of the applesauce on it. She didn’t think she could stomach much else. She cast a glance at Zelena and gave her a shy smile. “Not used to anyone feeding me but Regina,” she mumbled.

But Zelena just shrugged. “Maybe not, but I’m very used to feeding you. Even if you don’t remember it.”

Emma blinked, although she felt foolish for being surprised. Of course. Zelena had watched Emma numerous times when she was regressed. It didn’t seem to phase Zelena in the least, who just chuckled. “You’re usually pretty good about any junk food, of course. But Mummy insists I try to get you to eat at least one healthy thing. And then, it’s all negotiations and force-feeding until an hour later, you’ve finally managed to eat one piece of broccoli.”

Emma laughed at that, but groaned as soon as she did. It hurt her head to laugh. Zelena gave her a thoughtful look before she brought the spoon back up. “Come on. Just a couple more bites. Then you finish half that piece of toast while I get your journal.”

Taking the bite given to her, Emma moved it around in her mouth for a moment before she asked: “what for?”

“Speaking of not remembering, I have an exercise for you.”

“Zee,” Emma sighed, propping her head up with a hand and rubbing at her temples. “I’m really not feeling well. Can we maybe forgo the therapy today?”

“Nope!” Zelena said cheerfully. “Regina likes to pamper you, but I think you need a little push right now. You’re having flashbacks and regressions left and right. And while life has played its part, you need to try to get it under control.”

Feeling her temper mounting, Emma said between her teeth, “I’m trying.”

“No. You’re pushing,” Zelena said. “The times you’ve not been working on Ruby’s case have been when you’re regressed. I get it, Emma,” Zelena said the last part pointedly as Emma started to argue. “You’re worried sick. What we’re going through is about as hard as it gets. On top of it is Henry. I’m not faulting you. I think you’re doing what absolutely anyone else in your shoes would do. I love you for it. But I’d be a shit sister aunt if I didn’t notice how it’s effecting you. And my sister is worried absolutely sick for you.”

That last part made Emma’s temper go down and morph into guilt. She looked down at the table miserably. “She said that?”

“She doesn’t have to. I know her. And I know her with you. She’s beside herself. How often have you two been able to just be Little and Caregiver lately?”

Emma was about to spit back that they had just done so this morning, thank you very much, but the realization that it hadn’t been happening nearly as frequently hit Emma in the face pretty hard. She said nothing, looking down at the applesauce.

“It isn’t helping you, to not be yourself,” Zelena said, much softer this time. “You need to allow yourself the vulnerability. And I get that you feel that’s happening more than you like with your regressions, but they tend to happen when you aren’t consciously allowing yourself the luxury.”

Emma finally looked up, have Zelena a tiny nod, and allowed a full spoon of applesauce into her mouth. Zelena put the bowl down and nodded towards the food. “Keep at it. I’ll be back.”

Picking up the toast, Emma mulled over Zelena’s words as she nibbled delicately. Zelena came back in with her adult journal, Baby Emma’s journal, and a handful of colored pencils. She was about to hand Emma the Baby one, when Emma shook her head. “That’s the wrong one,” she said. “My journal is the blue one.”

“This is also _your_ journal,” Zelena said with a smile. “And it’s not the wrong one. You drew me a picture the other day. I want you to look at it.” She opened the book and dropped it in front of Emma, who winced when she saw the scribbles.

Emma always hated the drawings Baby Emma did, if you could even call them drawings. The only reason she didn’t throw every one of them away was because Regina absolutely cherished them. She’d come home yesterday to find a new one on the refrigerator that Regina referred to as their Family Portrait, which was essentially three blobs in the same color as her, Regina, and Zelena’s hair.

The one before her now, though just as indecipherable, certainly had a different tone to it. While the family portrait was perky and colorful, this was a bunch of jacked edges and bleak colors, as if it had stormed on the page.

“Kay,” Emma said. “I’m looking at it.”

“Good,” Zelena said, not deterred by Emma’s complete lack of enthusiasm, as she now opened Emma’s blue journal to a blank page and stuffed it in front of Emma. Smacking the handful of colored pencils down, she sat next to Emma again. “I want you to draw me what you see.”

Emma’s head snapped up, and she looked at Zelena like she was insane. “What?”

Zelena nodded to the weird drawing. “Draw me what you see,” she repeated.

Picking the picture up and scrutinizing it, Emma shook her head. “Zee…this is just a bunch of scribbles!”

“Emma,” Zelena’s tone shifted to business, and she gave Emma a piercing look. “Look at the bloody picture. Take your time. You keep blocking this side of you, and you’ll never get it under control. Look here,” she pointed to a few jagged edges in one corner of the picture. “And here,” she pointed to a forest green triangle-shaped mass. “I didn’t say you needed to explain it to me. I am asking you to do an interpretive piece.”

“Like a Rorschach test?” Emma asked.

“Exactly.”

Emma looked back at the picture, and really studied it this time. It looked so foreign to her. How could she have drawn this? The lines and colors meant nothing to her. So she turned it at another angle.

It was as if she’d just been punched, knocked out and come to into a completely different world. Suddenly, she saw shapes, and even images. Ones hauntingly familiar, but just that little bit out of reach.

She nearly jumped when she felt a kiss planted on her temple. “There it is,” Zelena said kindly, and then got up to go to the kitchen.

Emma picked up her pencil, and began to draw.

***

Regina heard the telltale signs of Emma and Zelena practicing breathing when she came in, and a smile ticked on her face. Putting her things down, she tiptoed into the living room to see the two of them there, Emma sitting on the floor with her legs crossed and her eyes closed, Zelena kneeling down in front of her and whispering soothing words as she coached Emma.

Sitting down quietly on the sofa, Regina watched as Emma’s slackened face looked peaceful and calm. Zelena gave her one little nod of acknowledgement and kept at it. It was several minutes before Zelena finally said: “Open your eyes, Dove. There’s a surprise.”

Emma’s eyes opened, and when she found Regina sitting there, her face broke out into a happy smile. She saw Emma’s eyes had more life in them as the medicine was wearing off, and her cheeks, though hollowed out from lack of food recently, had more color. She couldn’t help but smile back. “Hello, babygirl.”

Emma was up and diving towards Regina, making them both fly back against the couch cushions. “Oof!” Regina joined Emma in giggles as Emma peppered her cheeks with kisses.

“Gross,” Zelena scoffed, and she got up and went to the dining room table.

“Good news,” Regina whispered to Emma, ignoring her sister’s teasing.

“What?” Emma asked.

“I put in an offer. We should know by tomorrow.”

She watched Emma’s face show and uncertain smile. House offers and legal paperwork were not Emma’s strong suit, but she could see that Emma was happy for them all the same, if for no other reason than it made Regina happy.

“Have you been up the whole time?” she asked as she sat them up, absentmindedly pulling what had once been Emma’s neat ponytail out to tidy it up. Strands had been falling into Emma’s face.

Emma sat still as she did, and gave a quiet, “yeah.”

“Okay,” she said as she finished the ponytail. “Lets definitely rest in a while, okay? I’ll read you more of your story.”

Emma’s face brightened more at that, but Regina saw her sister sitting at the dining room table and shuffling through what she saw to be Emma’s journals. She looked at Emma curiously. “Did Auntie have you draw this morning?”

At this, Emma’s lips were tucked in between her teeth, and she gave a little nod and shrug.

“She did,” Zelena answered, sipping what was probably her third cup of coffee as she looked down at the pages. “Come see.”

Regina gave Emma a little glance, but Emma looked away from her and found the remote for the television as she snuggled herself into the couch. Approaching her sister, she saw the drawing that Baby Emma had done, the one where Zelena had asked her to draw about her bad dream.

“I asked her to look at it this morning,” Zelena said quietly as the television’s volume was turned up, and she brought Emma’s grown up journal next to the drawing and opened it. “And told her to draw me what she saw.”

Regina looked at the picture. Staring back at her was the corner of a dark room, the rails of a crib sticking out nearly all broken and jagged. On the other side of them was the distorted image of a baby holding a stuffed bear. And a hand was clutching the rails. A hand of a body that wasn’t there, because clearly we were seeing this image through the owner of the hands eyes. Regina winced, feeling her stomach flop. She knew what she was looking at. Emma had drawn versions of it before.

“I asked her about this bear. I wondered if she still had it,” Zelena started, but Regina shook her head.

“It was never hers.”

Zelena’s brow shot up, and she stared at Regina. “That’s Teddy Sebastian. It was Peter Gold’s,” Regina said, hearing the breaking in her voice but trying to keep it together. To distract herself, she turned to Emma. “Baby, turn that down, please. You know better.”

She heard Emma give her an affirmative and the television volume went down, but Regina felt like her head was buzzing. “Why is she having nightmares about when she was nine years old as a toddler?” she asked, almost to herself, but Zelena answered her anyway.

“Because she isn’t three or nine. She’s thirty-five. Her memories…”

“We were going to take that to Archie at our appointment tomorrow,” Regina cut her off, not sure where this new annoyance was coming from.

“You still should,” Zelena reasoned, not at all latching onto Regina’s short temper. “But I wanted Emma to make an exercise out of it today.”

“She’s tired, sis. She’s been through a lot,” Regina said, but she saw Zelena shaking her head.

“Remind me, Bun, who’s the shrink here? You or me?” Regina practically felt her lips getting thinner along with her patience. She glared at her sister, but Zelena just shrugged. “You coddle her,” she said, trying to sound as kind as possible, even if it was making Regina’s skin crawl with annoyance. “I get it, but you’ve got to trust me. Emma has to figure out a way to get in touch with her regressed self, or she’ll never get it under control.”

Regina let her annoyance ebb after that, mulling over her sister’s words. Of course she coddled Emma. It made her angry to think that that was a bad thing, but she knew deep down that Emma needed to get a hold of all of these regressions, and so far whatever they had been trying wasn’t working. Maybe her sister was right. They’d just have to check in with Archie about it tomorrow.

Regina made Zelena go to the store for the dinner ingredients, and as Emma watched Frozen for probably the thousandth time, Regina made tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwiches with Sourdough bread. Once Emma smelled the sourdough grilling, she came into the kitchen and sat on the counter, watching her Mama closely as she liked to do. But once it was time to sit down and eat, she wasn’t as keen on that part. Regina cut up her sandwich into four triangles, making it seem much less daunting.

“There you go,” she said quietly as she set Emma’s plate in front of her with a small cup of the soup. “Eat as much as you can, okay?”

She sat down next to Emma with her own food and watched as Emma nibbled silently.

“How you feeling, love?” Regina asked, brushing the back of her fingers against Emma’s cheek. She saw Emma’s eyes flutter at the motion, and she smiled to herself.

“Better,” Emma said, swallowing another tiny bite.

“You feeling up to tonight?” she asked, and watched as Emma unsurprisingly nodded. She wouldn’t want to miss going to Eye Candy and seeing if she could find Ariel, though Regina had her reservations about Emma going.

“Uh huh,” Emma nodded. “Anna and I have a plan.”

“Oh, great,” Regina rolled her eyes good naturedly and chuckled. “I’m going to start having to take blood pressure medication if you two keep at it.”

Emma gave her a sideways grin but heaved a big sigh and looked at her food with hesitation. She’d managed to finish a triangle and a half.

Regina picked up Emma’s spoon and dipped it in the soup. “Three more bites of soup,” she instructed gently, and Emma did as she was told, though slowly. Kissing Emma’s temple, Regina praised her and picked up their dishes. “Well, let’s rest some more if we’ll be out late tonight. And maybe we’ll go for a walk at the docks first.”

That seemed to perk Emma up, and she sounded enthusiastic about walking. So Regina bundled them up and they went down to walk down by the water.

“We won’t be able to walk at the water if we get the new house,” Regina said, squeezing Emma’s hand as she held it.

Emma was looking at a boat she’d grown fond up, but turned Regina’s way and gave her a smile, shrugging. “I’m sure there’s nice neighborhoods to walk around out there.”

“So you wont miss this?” Regina asked, watching Emma, but Emma’s smile just grew wider.

“I like it here,” she said. “But you’re home.”

Regina felt herself grow warm despite the crisp air, and she let go of Emma’s hand to wrap her arm around her waist instead. She kissed Emma’s temple, inhaling her scent. “And you’re mine.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I figured I'd post at least something, but this chapter was supposed to be much longer. I honestly have just been really busy and exhausted from everything that's been going on, so it's been hard to write. So I'm coming up with a kind of compromise. 
> 
> Hope that the at least something is better than nothing. =)


	19. Ariel

Zelena had been dead set on chicken fettuccine alfredo, so Regina spent the afternoon in the kitchen as Zelena helped Emma with breathing exercises. Eventually, Emma came in and sat down on the counter.

“Can I help?” she asked in a little voice, her ankles knocking against the cabinets underneath her.

Regina turned and smiled at her. “Did you and Auntie finish?”

“Uh huh,” Emma nodded, and the corner of Regina’s mouth ticked up as she acknowledged she still had her Little One.

Chuckling, she handed Emma the cookbook she was working with. “Okay, you call out the steps to me after six, okay? That’s where I’ve left off.”

Emma did, giving Regina the instructions when prompted. Regina would stop what she was doing to peck Emma on the lips, getting a cute blush from her. Emma would ask random questions about the new house, and if they got it, what she could have. So far, she wanted a tire swing, a sandbox just like Anna had, and a bigger bookshelf for all her books.

“Oh, I have ideas about a bookshelf,” Regina said to the last one. “Don’t you worry.” She didn’t want to mention Henry just then, as Emma was clearly in a good place, and Regina didn’t want to bring in an extra variable of the idea of Henry having space in the new house. But she had been thinking about his graphic novel collection, and how Baby Emma had really enjoyed all of them.

Zelena stayed throughout dinner, and it was nice for the three of them to just sit down with each other as a small family and chat. Emma stayed mostly quiet, picking at her food until Regina would pick up her fork and give her a few bites here and there. She was noticing that Emma was losing weight and knew that the lack of food after attacks and her diet while being regressed was a big culprit, not to mention her stress.

It helped to have Zelena there, who managed to make Emma laugh a number of times, getting her in a good enough mood to take a healthy bite. Regina felt a swell of affection for her sister just then, one that felt like an uncomfortable mix of thankfulness and heartbreak. Zelena was going through so much, and she didn’t have anyone in her back corner but her and Emma. She and Emma were certainly going through the ringer, but they had each other. Their person was at their side. Zelena seemed to have chosen her person, and that person wasn’t there.

Regina tried to think about what that could feel like, but the very idea left her without breath. It was hard enough dealing with the unknowing of what had happened to Ruby. If such a thing were to happen to Emma, Regina didn’t think she could get through it.

Looking at Zelena now, functioning and trying to make the best of things, she was hit with one of the first emotions she ever remembered having in her life: a type of idolization of her big sister.

She found herself not wanting Zelena to go. The thought that she had nobody to get home to physically hurt Regina in her chest, but Zelena had been adamant the last couple of nights: she wanted to go home. She wanted to try and work through what she was going through.

“Promise me if you need me, you’ll call,” Regina whispered as they said their goodbyes.

Zelena just smiled. “You’re going to Eye Candy tonight?” When Regina nodded, she said, “Then just promise me you’ll find the son of a bitch that hurt my Ruby, and I’ll call you if I need to.”

Regina smiled, sadness in her eyes as she answered: “deal.”

It was early enough to get Emma to take a little nap before they finally met Elsa and Anna at Eye Candy. Regina lay Emma down on the bed, fixing her into a diaper before bundling her up in pajamas to take a nap. Emma didn’t feel very tired, however. The evening’s events were too close, and she was building herself up for it. Regina could see it happening but was adamant that Emma at least lay down and rest, if not fall asleep.

Emma’s attack was still fresh in her mind, and while Emma seemed ready to put it behind her, Regina was hoping for many less nights than the previous. She just wasn’t sure how they could get there. While Emma needed a place to put her anxiety by working through the case, Regina needed to work through her own the way she wanted to: holding Emma close to her.

So, to get Emma even slightly in the mood to rest, she collected her in her arms and rocked them on the bed. Being hugged closely to her mama, Emma did snuggle in, but Regina felt her body tense and not nearly where it needed to be to really rest. She smiled down as she lifted her shirt up and undid her bra, guiding her full breast to Emma’s lips.

She felt the hot, soft pull of Emma’s gentle tongue, her lips closing and pressing against her swollen breast, and then release as Emma beckoned the milk. In the same moment, she felt Emma melt against her.

“That’s my girl,” Regina murmured against Emma’s hair, pressing her lips against the crown of her head and kissing there. She squeezed her arms around Emma tighter, and this time there was zero resistance as Emma nursed. Emma’s fingers found purchase on the fabric of her shirt, wrapping them around it and creating a safety blanket for herself. It made Regina smile.

“You remember what I told you, Little One?” she whispered, knowing Emma would continue to nurse instead of engaging. “That even when you can’t see me, I’ll be watching making sure you’re safe?”

She felt a little nod against her breast, but Emma had already relieved so much milk that she didn’t feel any pressure from it.

“I will be,” she said, thinking about her sister and Ruby, thinking about how she would die if anything happened to Emma. When the incident with Gold had happened last year, it had been unbearable, but it had all happened so fast that Regina was sure that was the only way she had been able to get through it. But if Emma were to disappear, and then Regina was expected to just sit around and wait for days and days, expected to work and eat and sleep as she was trying to put puzzle pieces together and hoping the outcome would be good…she just couldn’t imagine it.

“I’ll keep you safe,” she heard herself saying, and realized that she had been repeating it quietly as she was thinking, and that it had made Emma stop nursing and look up at her. A hand came to her cheek, breaking her out of her reverie. She blinked, looking back into Emma’s eyes, dark and loving and everything, and then a thumb wiped away a tear she didn’t realize she’d shed.

She smiled down in response, and guided Emma’s lips back to her nipple. Emma never stopped gazing at her as she latched and suckled slowly, taking her time to take every drop.

Regina released her tight hold around Emma to take the hand that was cupping her cheek into hers, and she brought it to her lips, kissing the back of Emma’s fingers. As she did, she felt the engagement ring, and turned Emma’s hand to look at it. It was the only time she broke their gaze, but it brought such a smile to her face that she clasped on tighter to it. She felt Emma’s lips tighten in its own little smile around her areola.

Emma didn’t start to really relax until they had switched breasts, and Regina slowly began lowering them down further into their bed. She had been relying on the pillows to prop them up as she always did, but she removed them one by one as she saw Emma’s eyes getting heavier and heavier, and her limbs slacking more. By the time she finally had Emma’s head lowered all the way, Emma’s lips were nearly slack and she was only suckling every few heartbeats.

Regina loved watching her fall asleep this way. Seeing Emma drift down, remember herself for just a moment and suckle halfheartedly once, gave her enough serenity to relax herself. She let Emma fall asleep, watching the clock as her mind trailed to happier things.

***

“I want a private room,” Anna announced as they sat down to watch the stage at Eye Candy. Being in the middle of the week, it wasn’t packed, but Emma could see plenty of people that looked like regulars making the rounds at the bar and the private rooms Anna was mentioning, where people paid extra to watch a private show with one of their favorite couple acts.

“We’re not here to have a good time, Anna,” Elsa chided gently, taking Anna’s hand as she and Regina guided Anna and Emma to sit at one of the tables on the main floor. “We’re here to gather information.”

Anna set her face in a pout. “Fine. Then I want a Dirty Shirley!” she said.

Emma saw Elsa’s face contort as she tried to work out her answer. This was new territory for both Elsa and Regina, who had their Little Ones in full tow, but said Littles were technically under cover. Emma saw Elsa’s eyes flash to Regina, and Emma knew right away what the ultimate verdict was going to be. It only took one little shake of Regina’s head for Elsa to get the message, and she smiled at Anna, trying to placate her. “Maybe another night,” she said.

Anna’s whole body slumped, and she made a disappointed noise that would have been heard across the entire main floor had the music not been so loud. But Emma wasn’t surprised. Regina didn’t want her drinking. Her Xanax had barely left her system, and she hadn’t had enough food in her stomach to have that be such a good idea. She didn’t really feel like she wanted to drink anyway; talk about her stomach churning in knots. But that didn’t mean Anna couldn’t partake.

“It’s okay,” Emma said. “She can have one.”

“No,” Elsa’s voice was very clear about not only her position, but what her role was, and Emma found herself being shot right back into Little Space at the sound of it. “Everyone here would think it was weird I was allowing my Little to drink. Neither of you are having a drop. Understood?” she directed the last word to Anna, who twister her face as if she were about to mock Elsa, and Emma saw Elsa’s hand reach down and swat Anna on the butt.

Emma felt Regina run a hand through her hair and then pull Emma near her. Emma scooted to accommodate, and Regina gave her an affectionate smile as she continued to run her fingers through Emma’s locks. It put a little forcefield around Emma as she made herself comfortable at the table they chose.

“Well hey there, ladies,” Ashley’s brilliant smile came into view, and Emma had to focus on it so she wasn’t paying so much attention to how few articles of clothing Ashley had on. She was literally in black leather panties and a strap around her chest to hide nothing more than her nipples. And, of course, high heels. Emma never understood the obsession with half-naked women dressed in high heels, but it was almost a requirement.

Ashley, completely unperturbed by how exposed she was, came and leaned against the table, winking at Emma as Elsa and Regina allowed Ashley to take their hands one by one and kiss the back of it.

“Tuesday night fun? Couldn’t wait for weekend, huh?” Sean said, coming up behind his partner. If high heels were required for almost-naked women, combat boots were the male equivalent. Sean had on nothing but a red speedo and a dog collar to match, but he ruffled Anna’s hair teasingly as if it were just another night of friends hanging out.

“Emma’s been super busy,” Anna chimed in. “Haven’t had any fun lately.”

Elsa chuckled, “I needed to let her out and run before this weekend,” and Emma found herself impressed with how nonchalant her friends had come up with the lie. Well, she supposed it wasn’t really a lie, but if Anna wanted to play with Emma, they would have done it at her house in her sandbox, not drag their Caregivers to watch BDSM demos at Eye Candy.

“It’s a good night,” Ashley said as she leaned her arm on Sean’s shoulder. “It’s Ginger Night.”

“We get cookies!?” Anna squealed, immediately perking up to her full height where she sat, but Ashley and Sean just laughed.

“Not gingerbread cookies. Redheads. They always have a big show on Tuesday’s,” he said. “Keeps people coming back on weeknights to have themes. Lots of people have redhead fetishes. Hey, Regina, isn’t your sister a redhead? Is she looking for a job?”

Emma saw Regina’s eyes widen, and she threw her head back and gave a genuine laugh. “Thanks for that image, Sean,” she said. “No. She’s not looking.”

“That mean Ariel’s gunna be here?” Emma said, giving Sean and Ashley her most innocent face. She imagined it was a lot easier to pull the look off while she was clad in a denim skirt, converse, knee socks, and her favorite purple hoodie. She was certainly in her signature Little outfit, and while she’d spent most of the day being taken care of by Regina, she didn’t feel so Little at the moment. Hearing that it was a designated night for the one person she’d come here to see had put her into detective mode.

Ashley gave Emma a nod. “You know her? She’s a doll,” she said.

“No,” Emma said. “I heard she was good though. Mary Margaret and David watched her.”

“She’s good,” Sean said.

Emma felt her phone vibrate, and pulled it out to see Killian’s name pop up on a text message.

**Killian: At The Dungeon tonight. Let me know how it goes?**

Emma texted back and announced to Regina that Killian wouldn’t be coming to Eye Candy.

Sean made a noise that caught Emma’s attention, but she didn’t say anything. She didn’t have to. Ashley shot Sean a look that sparked Anna’s interest, and she piped up. “I don’t want to see him either,” she announced, perfectly serious. “Treats me like a baby all the time.”

Elsa couldn’t help but laugh, putting one of Anna’s braided pigtails behind her shoulder, but Emma’s eyes flashed to Regina, who took notice and gave Sean her most placating smile. “You boys not getting along?”

Sean shrugged, looking uncomfortable. “It’s not that. He’s just been weird lately.”

“That’s cuz he’s a weirdo,” Anna announced, and Emma kicked Anna under the table, giving her a pointed look. _Shut up, let them talk._

But they didn’t elaborate. So Emma tried to look nonchalant as she shrugged.

“Yeah, he’s been asking Regina about getting involved in like these secret hookups or something? But Regina’s been gone so long…” she trailed off, and looked at Regina, who she saw swallow.

Ashley put a hand through Emma’s hair, and gave a chuckle. “Look who’s so chatty.”

Emma felt a little rush of panic. Shit. She’d been so focused, she hadn’t thought about it. She hardly ever talked when she was Little.

But Sean just shrugged. “Ever since Ruby’s been gone. Which he won’t talk about, by the way. He gets really agitated. Goes on and on about her and then keeps asking questions about underground stuff and then gets agitated when we don’t know of any. Like it’s our responsibility to hook him up or something.”

Emma felt her chest go cold, and felt Regina’s hand take hers from under the table.

“Well, Ruby’s missing. And he’s real upset.” Anna said nonchalantly, as if the statement Sean has just made was really stupid. As she said it, she gave Emma a little secret smile, and Emma had to hold hers back because she watched her friends’ reaction to what had just been said.

Emma saw Sean just blink, and Ashley’s mouth fell open in a tiny o.

“She’s…what?” Ashley stammered.

“Yeah,” Anna said importantly. “Her and Lily. Gone.”

“Her and who?” Sean’s eyes shifted to everyone at the table.

The server showed up to break the tension.

“Dirty Shirley!” Anna yelled before anyone can get a word in, but the server smiled at her kindly, and raised her eyes to Elsa. It was distinctly a scene from a diner where the waitress was double-checking with the parent if what the child had ordered was indeed what they were supposed to be serving them.

Elsa smiled. “She will have a Shirley Temple.”

“Boss is looking for you two,” the server said to Ashley and Sean. “You’ve got a booking.”

With one more startled look Anna’s way, Ashley took Sean’s arm and the two of them walked off. Once the server had taken all their orders, Emma sighed. “Well, I guess that cat’s out of the bag.”

“About time,” Anna rolled her eyes. “Ruby just takes off from The Scene, doesn’t answer anybody’s calls, and they just think that she’s split or something and don’t check on her? Some friends.”

Emma pursed her lips and thought about how Killian had been skirting around the fact with everyone for a while now. The only reason he hadn’t told anyone what had been happening was because he figured it would look suspicious that he was asking around about Ruby and asking to get involved in a highly underground scene. But he’d had such little luck with that, it hardly mattered anymore.

“I’ve gotta find Ariel,” she said finally as the server appeared and put their drinks down.

“Ariel?” she said, smiling at everyone. “She’s here tonight if you want a private room.”

Anna squealed in excitement before Emma could respond, though inwardly she felt the same. That would be perfect, she thought, getting a private room to talk to Ariel.

“Mommy!” Anna bounced in her chair as she took Elsa’s hands in a pleading gesture. “Can Emma and I do it? Please!?!?!”

Elsa looked as if she wasn’t sure if she should tell Anna that was never going to happen to allow the two of them alone to cause trouble in a private performance room when the two of them couldn’t even be trusted to go to the bathroom alone at The Dungeon, or if this was the perfect setup.

“I’m buying,” Regina announced, sealing the deal as she gave the server one of her winning smiles. “Can you arrange it?”

***

“This is awesome,” Anna could barely sit still, her head whirling around as she sat in her chair, as if there was anything to look at. The room was small, maybe twelve by twelve, and the walls were adorned in red drapes except for a one way mirror that Emma knew a security guard came through on the other side to see if any touching was happening.

Still, Emma couldn’t help but chuckle at Anna’s excitement, even though she kept herself in check. “Don’t forget. We’re here to interrogate her,” she said quietly.

“Yeah, yeah,” Anna rolled her eyes. “But come on, how often are our mamas going to let the two of us get a private booth together without supervision? Never! Oh! Can we watch for a while first?” She looked like she was really having fun, and Emma had to admit that going under cover as a Little but doing detective work wasn’t the worst way to earn a living. She was just much more used to this than Anna was, who spent her work hours analyzing glitches for video games.

“Just follow my lead,” Emma answered as the door opened and a pretty redhead came inside. Emma was a little surprised at who she was looking at. The girl called Ariel looked bashful, insecurity hinted in her features; not at all the typical glimpse of the performers Emma was used to seeing. She seemed to relax at the sight of two harmless-looking girls dressed like children, particularly when Anna perked up and clapped wildly at her entrance, squealing with delight.

Emma saw a shift in Ariel’s expression then, and she raised her brow with a smirk. “Do your Caregivers know what you two are up to?” she said with a bit of mischief in her voice.

“They paid!” Anna said excitedly, and Emma knocked she shoulder into Anna’s and gave her a look. Anna clamped her mouth shut as she remembered she was supposed to follow Emma’s lead. That wasn’t their usual dynamic. This was going to be harder than Emma anticipated, she thought.

Ariel chuckled. “That’s a new one,” she said, coming into the room all the way and shutting the door behind her. She was dressed in a skimpy red leather dress that looked like it was painted on, though Emma could see the zipper on the side that would completely remove it. It matched her hair. Ariel was short, but the mandated high heels kept her towering over the two girls watching her.

“Are you sure they paid?”

Emma only nodded, realizing that there was a lump in her throat the size of a golf ball. She’d never done this before, received a private dance from a complete stranger. The one and only time she’d been in one of these rooms was to have Regina give her a surprise lap dance, and any time she’d watched a show at Eye Candy had been on the main floor in the company of others as if they were experiencing a particularly raunchy version of The Suicide Girls.

This was altogether different, made more awkward as Ariel’s eyes seemed to flicker with recognition. “You two look sorta familiar,” she mused as the music in the room began to start, and like a reflex, she began to dance.

Emma found this all very gratuitous if she was being honest with herself, and wondered how Mary Margaret got off on watching strangers dance for her in this way. Then again, she figured she was not one to pass judgements on what turned people on. Maybe it was just her mindset, because she wasn’t here to be entertained. She was here to find answers. Not to mention that the person who was dancing for her was the very person she was supposed to be interrogating.

Anna didn’t seem to let any of this spoil her fun. She began dancing in her seat, sipping her Shirley Temple and smiling like a fool. Ariel seemed to find this amusing, and gave a lot of attention to Anna as she danced, swaying her hips just out of Anna’s reach. She winked at Emma, but the effect it had probably wasn’t what she had been hoping for. Emma still saw she lacked confidence, and wondered if it just took somebody with their own insecurities to see it, or if most people were just so invested in watching her body that they weren’t paying attention to her face.

Emma was. Emma studied her, a particular question running around her mind. But she kept her mouth shut, waited until she saw Ariel and Anna getting more and more familiar with each other.

“Tell me the truth now,” Ariel said as she giggled when Anna tried to tie the cherry stem from her Shirley Temple in her mouth. “Do your caregivers really know you’re doing this?”

“What’s the big deal?” Anna asked, still trying to tie the cherry.

Ariel smiled. “I guess I’m curious if you two are going to get yourselves into trouble or not. Do you like getting into trouble?”

“Oh, tons,” Anna’s eyes widened, proudly boasting. “I get into way more troubles, but Emma pretends she doesn’t like to and she does,” she smiled over at Emma, who couldn’t help but smile back.

Ariel, however, had lost her smile. Her eyes had lost the insecurity and had changed to scrutiny. “Emma?” she repeated. “You’re…”

“The Little Princess,” Anna finished for her, and began dying of laughter.

Emma couldn’t help but feel the overwhelming heat hitting her face. She could have gone the rest of her life never hearing that name again, and felt annoyance at Anna’s clear amusement with the ridiculousness of it. She rolled her eyes before looking back at Ariel, who didn’t look amused in the least.

“Tell me the truth,” Ariel said, all seriousness in her voice, and Emma realized she’d stopped dancing. “Does The Queen know you’re in here?”

Emma suddenly realized that Ariel looked scared, and she couldn’t exactly blame her. “She knows,” she said, and saw a hint of surprise in Ariel’s features as Emma was clearly not in Little mode. “She paid. I came here to see you.”

“Me?” Ariel stammered, but tried to recover, putting on the fakest smile Emma had seen yet. “I’m flattered. Heard good things, I hope?” and she started to dance again. Anna hollered her approval at the dance continuing.

“Actually,” Emma cleared her throat. “I’m wondering why you lied to Tink. About not knowing Lily Page.”

The room changed instantly. Ariel forgot Anna’s existence completely and stood rigid, her face slacking in horror. “What?”

“You told Tink you didn’t know Lily Page. I’ve heard different. Do you know her?”

Ariel flashed her gaze to the mirror, and turned around, stalking out of the room.

“You know she’s missing, don’t you?” Emma called, and saw Ariel’s stop in her tracks. “She didn’t just stop coming around?”

The music pounded in their ears for a few moments, Emma watching Ariel’s shoulder rise and fall with panicked breaths, Anna forgetting she was having a good time.

Finally, Ariel turned around, and Emma saw real fear in her eyes. She crossed her arms in front of her chest. “I didn’t want Tink getting in the middle. She came in with that picture. Said she got it from you. You can’t put her in danger like that.”

“I told her to stay away from here,” Emma countered. They stared at each other for a moment. “Can we go somewhere and talk?”

But Ariel’s eyes widened at the insinuation. “No,” she said. “No, this is the safest place.”

“Okay,” Emma nodded. “So talk.”

“Look, I don’t know anything for sure, but Lily stopped coming around right after the rumors of Aurora and Philip started.”

Emma blinked up at Ariel, confused at the sudden name drops, but before she could say anything Anna asked: “Aurora and Philip? What do they have to do with anything?”

Ariel sighed, and her eyes flashed to the one-sided mirror again. “It’s the reason I don’t want us leaving here to talk. Ashley and Sean are good friends with Aurora and Philip. Ashley and Ro are like best friends. I don’t want her thinking I’m talking about it.”

Emma swallowed, her mind scrambling. Aurora and Philip? What was going on? “You’ve gotta start explaining,” she said.

“So, look, not a lot of people know Lily is like missing, missing. People come and go from The Scene all the time, you know? But I was friends with Lily. She didn’t really come around here so much, but she was really into the college parties, the underground stuff, you know? People experimenting. I’d go with her sometimes. But then she stopped answering my phone calls, then her phone just went straight to voicemail, then I’d get error messages when I’d text her.

“I thought, okay, maybe she just decided she’s done, and maybe she changed her number. Then I heard about Aurora cheating on Philip.”

At this, the cherry stem was spat out of Anna’s mouth, and she gaped at Ariel as Emma let out a “What?!”

“Yeah, so it’s still pretty hush hush,” Ariel said. “Like nobody even knows for sure who with? But apparently its this chick who’s really standoffish, thinks real highly of herself. Look, I love Lily, but she can be that way, you know?”

Emma thought back to the conversations she’d had with Mal Page, and nodded.

“Rumor has it, she’s fallen in love.”

“But wait,” Emma stopped her. “Aurora and Philip are still together. We see them all the time.”

“Well, yeah,” Ariel shrugged, her crossed arms hugging her chest tighter. “The word got around, and then next thing you know, Lily’s gone and Philip has Ro stuck to him like glue.”

“Are you…saying you think Philip did something to Lily to make her go away?”

Ariel shrugged. “Philip. Mulan. You know, she’s been in love with Ro for years, but at least Philip lets Mulan hang around. Maybe this new girl didn’t? Nobody knows. Lily’s just…gone. I don’t know where she lives or anything, but I knew where she worked. They hadn’t seen her. I think besides you I’m the only one from The Scene who knows she’s missing.”

As Emma struggled to get her thoughts in order, Anna broke the silence. “Wait. What about Ruby? What does she have to do with that?”

Ariel looked to Anna and blinked. “Ruby? Ruby Lucas?”

Emma watched Ariel, and said carefully, “yes. She’s missing.”

Ariel’s face couldn’t have been more stricken. She visibly winced, mouth falling open and gaping at Emma with disbelieving eyes. “Are you sure?”

“She’s my best friend,” Emma said bluntly. “I’m very sure. You don’t know anything about that, do you?”

Ariel let out a breath, and shook her head. “No. I mean…do you think it has to do with Lily?”

“I know it does,” she answered, thinking about that letter in Ruby’s care. She’d told Mal Page she’d known what happened to Lily. Had Lily confided in Ruby? Told her she thought she’d got in over her head with a girl and now she was in trouble? “Do you know if they were good friends?”

At this, Ariel laughed. “I mean, they definitely knew each other. Went to the same undergrounds that we did, came in here all the time, good friends with Sean and Ashley. Who doesn’t know Ruby?”

Nodding, Emma said, “These underground parties. What are they like?”

“Oh,” Ariel made a face, and kind of smiled. “You know those key parties?”

“Oh, I did one once,” Anna said. “It was so awkward! Never again. ‘Course, now, Elsa and I would never but…”

“Anna,” Emma stopped her before she went off on a tangent, and Anna’s eyes widened.

“Yeah, sorry.”

A little smile crept on Ariel’s face as she regarded Anna, but she turned her attention back to Emma. “So they are kinda like that. But a little more…refined.”

“How so?” Emma asked.

“You know the charm bracelets for kids, where you can pick any type of charm? Well, basically, there’s a meaning behind certain ones. For kinks, you know?”

“Oh…kay?” but Emma felt her head shaking as she said it.

Ariel gave a little laugh. “For example, a baby bottle charm is for Age Play?”

“Ah,” Emma said, a lightbulb going off in her head. “Gotcha.”

“Okay, so you have a charm bracelet with your name on the charm to identify it’s yours, and then a couple of charms that signify your kink. It goes in a bowl, and the party host matches the people. So if two people had the camera charm, they’re both into taping whatever they do, and they get paired up. If two people have the license plate charm, they’re both into rough anal…”

“License plate?” Anna cried. “Why a license plate?”

Ariel shrugged. “Who knows? Not all of them match the kink. It’s just if you’re in this scene, you know what they mean.”

“I don’t get it,” Emma interrupted, shaking her head. “I mean, besides the one-night stand thing it doesn’t seem that big of a deal or really risky. Why so secretive?”

At this, Ariel’s eyes got darker. “Because most of the kinks aren’t as innocent as all of that. Some people get off on some crazy shit. There’s gotta be some trust that nobody is going to break.”

“For example…?” Emma prompted, but Ariel just started shutting down.

“Forget it. Look, I shouldn’t even be talking to you guys about that. Like I said, you have to build trust. What does it matter anyway?”

It matters, Emma thought, because Killian had been trying to break into that crowd for a while and hadn’t been able to, and that was weird. It matters, Emma thought, because it seems like Lily and Ruby knew each other from those parties. Or did it? What if Ariel was right, and this was all about jealousy? What if Aurora had fallen in love with Lily and Philip lost it and went too far? If so, what did that have to do with Ruby? Did Lily tell her about it?

“I’m trying to find out why two women from The Scene are missing, and it looks like their common denominator was these parties.”

But Ariel just rolled her eyes. “I told you. Everybody knows Ruby. It’s not like they didn’t know each other outside of that. Look, our time is almost up. I have to get out of here unless you guys want to make this super obvious. I’ll be surprised if security doesn’t ask me why I wasn’t dancing. They’ve definitely peeked through that window a few times.”

“Ariel,” Emma said in a low voice, giving the redhead the most sincere expression she could. “Can you think of anything else, anything that can help me find Lily and Ruby?”

Sighing, Ariel mirrored her expression. “I don’t know what happened. All I know is what I’ve told you. I’m sorry. I didn’t know Ruby had anything to do with this.”

“Tink knows Ruby is missing,” Emma retorted. “She didn’t tell you?”

At this, Ariel’s eyes darkened once more. “No. Tink’s been…weird for a couple of weeks. Ever since she brought that picture around.”

Emma said nothing to this.

Ariel was turning to go, but stopped herself as she put her hand on the door. Turning back to Emma, she gave her a smile. “You’re not what I expected,” she said.

Emma raised her brows, surprised. “What were you expecting?”

Ariel shrugged. “I don’t know. You hear stories about The Queen and her shy Little.”

“Emma’s super shy,” Anna announced. “Just…super determined. We wanna find Miss Ruby.”

***

“Philip or Mulan?” Regina was shaking her head in disbelief. “I can’t imagine that,” she said. “And what about Aurora? She has her lover killed or whatever and then just stays by Philip’s side?”

Emma had her nose in her phone, and she mumbled, “if you murdered somebody because I slept with them, I’d be too scared shitless to ever piss you off again.”

“What are you doing?” Regina asked, keeping her eyes on the road as she drove them home.

“Texting Killian,” she answered distractedly. “He keeps going around asking a bunch of questions and he’s not getting anywhere. You heard Sean and Ashley. He’s been acting weird and demanding things and everybody’s taking notice. He needs to cool it for a while. If whoever is responsible for this is that close to his circle, I’ve gotta warn him.”

“He’s asking about the underground parties,” Regina said. “Are they even connecting that with Ruby?”

“I don’t know,” Emma answered. “But I don’t think it’s worth him taking any chances.”

Regina nodded silently, but as she watched the road, Emma continued. “Ariel said that the underground wasn’t all that innocent. That people were into crazy shit.”

A little chuckle escaped Regina, and she shrugged. “I suppose that’s true.”

“You said it wasn’t anything sinister. Ariel didn’t make it sound that way at all.”

At this, Regina got an odd feeling, and she looked quickly at Emma, seeing that she was being watched intently.

“What did she make it sound like?” she asked.

Emma’s lips pressed together, and Regina saw her swallow. “She made it sound like maybe there were some things people were into that wouldn’t really be…I don’t know…legal or something you just share with anybody or…I’m not really sure.”

Regina looked back at the road, and thought about it. Had she ever witnessed anything like that? Honestly, because of how open she was to pretty much anything, she’d never had any issues finding partners, and hadn’t spent a great deal of time in the underground. But those that really knew her knew that she was a lawyer. There was more than one underground scene. Was she maybe only involved in ones people could trust she could be in without feeling the need to get the law involved? “That’s always possible. I guess the question is who is in charge of the underground Ruby was involved in, if it was only one?”

“There’s more than one?”

Regina had to laugh at the question. “Yes, I’m sure there is. I was only involved in one specifically. The organizer isn’t around anymore. Moved to California, I think. So it fizzled out. Anyway, what are some next steps?”

“I’m gunna talk to August and Graham. I think maybe we need to have a shadow for Aurora or Philip or Mulan or all three. Graham is gunna have to be on it. He’s the only one they don’t know. And maybe hire somebody else out if we need an extra body. I don’t know if we’ll find anything, but if what Ariel said is true…that’s a lead I can’t not follow.” She heard Emma give a big sigh. “I don’t many people that would kill somebody because their partner cheated on them with them.”

“Yeah,” Regina breathed out, feeling chills go down her back. “That…seems pretty extreme.”

Emma was quiet for a long time, and Regina glanced over at her to see that Emma was just gazing at her. The look in her eye was thoughtful. “What?” she said, smirking. Emma said nothing else, but Regina could see that she was still being looked at, so she glanced back with a smile. “You tired, Little One?”

“Not really,” Emma answered, and Regina could tell by the inflection in her voice that she wasn’t. That she was wide awake. That her mind was cranking. And after a moment, she finally said: “wanna tire me out?”

The chill that had been there a moment before disappeared, and despite everything, Regina couldn’t help the feeling that replaced it. She reached out her hand, grabbing Emma’s thigh as she sped back to the apartment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You may get a little surprise on Wednesday.


	20. More Play

Regina had kept her hand on Emma’s thigh the whole way home, and now that they were walking into their apartment, Emma just felt buzzed all over. It had been a hell of a day. She’d spent the first part of it Little and in the care of both Regina and Zelena. She’d had a nap and didn’t really feel that tired. Anna always put her in a certain mood, despite anything else going on. She always left her feeling more mischievous than normal, more pep in her step.

Along with all of that was everything she had learned from Ariel, which she was trying desperately to fit into neat boxes in her head, figure out her next steps, tie loose ends and put the puzzle pieces together.

And then there was Regina. Regina, who had rubbed her thigh the whole way home, gave her a much-needed distraction, stayed by her side no matter what was going on, was looking at her now with those dark eyes she got when Emma’s body was on her mind.

“Wait here,” Emma said, suddenly knowing exactly what she needed to do just then. And Regina’s brow went up.

“Was I just given a command?” she asked, mischief in her voice as she gave Emma a mock warning look.

Emma rolled her eyes and laughed. “Please? I have a surprise for you?”

Regina reached and grabbed the cheeks of Emma’s ass and pulled her in roughly, looking at her with that animal gaze she sometimes got that made Emma nearly melt into a puddle on the spot. Emma’s breathing picked up, and she could see so had Regina’s, feeling Regina’s hot breath hit her face as she held Emma possessively.

“You may go,” Regina said, her voice low and dominating, making it very clear what the power exchange was. “But you will hurry back.”

Emma tried to answer, but found she’d lost her voice, and closed her mouth to give a nod of understanding. Fuck. Regina had just rendered her speechless. She scurried down the hallway, into the office and opened her desk drawer to take out the ring she had nearly forgotten to pick up the other day. Thankfully, she had it. Because right now, she wanted it on Regina’s finger.

She came out with her hands behind her back and felt herself blush as she found Regina leaning against the wall, one foot propped flat against it, arms crossed over her chest, smirking and waiting.

“Whatcha got there, Little One?” Regina said amusedly as Emma padded over, feeling herself getting redder as she walked forward. She’d been so focused on the ring itself, that she hadn’t really considered how she was going to present it. She found herself looking down as she brought the jewelry box in front of them and opened it.

She heard a little “oh” escape Regina’s lips, an altogether different tone accompanying it. No longer a hint of The Queen, no longer dripping with desire. True surprise and that color of adoration Emma had come to know as only for her. She looked up and saw the reflection of purple in Regina’s dark eyes as she was gazing down at it. “Emma,” she breathed out.

It snapped Emma out of a it. “Oh, jeez,” she said, beginning to fumble with the ring as she took it out. “Sorry…” she mumbled as she finally got the ring out of its case, realizing her hand was shaking like crazy. She was really trying to take hold of Regina’s gently, but was failing. She nearly dropped the ring on the floor because of her nerves.

She felt a gentle hand take hold of her wrist, and Emma looked up to find Regina smiling so softly at her, the expression on her face a plain reassurance as she held Emma’s wrists, steadying her. It was the second time in moments that Emma forgot what she was doing, and she looked back, remembering to take a breath. When she finally calmed enough to smile, Regina gave her a little smirk, bringing back the humor as she put her left hand out flat.

Emma took it tenderly and slipped the ring on Regina’s finger. “This,” Regina whispered, nothing more than a breath. “Is absolutely beautiful.”

“I know you like purple,” Emma said, pursing her lips and she looked at the ring on Regina’s finger. She couldn’t take her eyes off it, in fact. “It looks perfect there.”

She let out a little squeal as Regina took hold of her face and pulled her in for a passionate kiss. She moaned into it as her surprise subsided, drifting back to the wanting she felt for Regina. Despite everything going on, this was her anchor. Regina.

When they finally pulled away, Regina was giggling. “When did you find time to get this?” she said.

Emma laughed too, but in surprise at the question. “I’ll always find time for you.”

Regina kissed her one more time, still chuckling, but now it came down low, in that sultry way that made Emma’s knees weak. “Were you nervous, baby?”

“Uh huh,” Emma murmured, sinking against Regina in that reflexive way, wanting to be closer, feeling that sultry voice wrap around her.

“Mama’s here,” Regina whispered. “I love you, my girl.”

“I love you too,” Emma said, pressing her body against Regina so that she was made to hold Emma close. Emma nuzzled against Regina’s neck, smelling her scent there as her mouth trailed up just below Regina’s ear. “I wanna Play,” she said, feeling Regina’s hands come around her and grab hold of her again. The hands on her butt were firm, claiming. It made Emma hot all over.

Regina squeezed again, firmly, and husked in Emma’s ear. “You want Mama to Play with you, baby?”

“Yes,” Emma exhaled roughly as she pressed her lips to Regina’s neck, suckling the skin there. Regina turned to give her access, her arms snaking farther down.

And then they grabbed hold and hoisted Emma up. She found herself straddling Regina’s hips, and Regina stared deeply into her eyes and she carried them down the hallway. Emma wrapped her arms around Regina’s neck and gazed back, looking into those pupils blown wide. Regina looked like an animal on the hunt, hungry, desperate. It was one of Emma’s favorite looks. She felt herself blush a deep red that she knew was going to drive Regina even further into her lust.

But once they got into their room, Regina didn’t take Emma to the bed. Instead, she lowered Emma down to the floor and turned her around. “On your knees,” Regina murmured in at the shell of Emma’s ear, and Emma was down instantly, feeling herself tremble with anticipation. “Good girl,” Regina praised, and came around to Emma’s front, beginning to take her shirt off. When she did, she brought one of her feet forward, and Emma knew right away she was supposed to rid Regina of her boot. So she brought down the zipper and relieved Regina of it, putting it aside before doing the same with the other boot. Regina knelt and cupped Emma’s cheek then.

“What a big girl you are,” she cooed, and Emma blushed furiously at the compliment. “You’re shaking,” Mama observed. “Are you cold baby, or just excited?”

“’cited,” Emma slurred, feeling herself going down, settling in that calm and comfortable in between: not quite adult, not quite Little, that perfect pocket that had formed just for these times when they would Play. Just like Regina wasn’t quite Mama, wasn’t quite The Queen. She was…well fuck she was perfect, wasn’t she? “Mama…” Emma found herself moaning, realizing she was forming the word around her fingers, which she was suckling furiously with anticipation.

“Mama’s here.” Regina came down to Emma’s level and removed those fingers, kissing them first before beginning to unzip Emma’s hoodie. “Give Mama your color,” she said conversationally as she continued removing Emma’s clothes. It made Emma shiver more: Regina checking on her, even though she was clearly okay. Made her feel so safe.

“Green,” she said.

“Good job, Emma. On your hands,” she instructed kindly after removing Emma’s bra, getting on her own feet to walk behind Emma. Emma got in the crawling position and then felt Regina unbuttoning her skirt and pulling it down along with her underwear from behind. If she had been shaking before, the chill that ran through her body when her garments were coming down her legs nearly made her lose her balance.

A hand went to the small of her back. “Sshh…” Mama whispered, and Emma felt her come up from behind and press her front to Emma’s back. “Sshh…”

“Mm..mama,” Emma stammered, leaning back against the warm naked body, feeling Regina’s breast pressing against her back, wondering if she had milk, her mouth watering at the idea.

“I’m right here,” Mama soothed.

“Want you,” Emma moaned as she felt fingers come down in between her thighs. Regina’s digits collected the wetness pooling there, running down her leg, and then she trailed them up to Emma’s clit and circled it brutally slow. “R’gina…” Emma shuddered violently.

“What is it, babygirl?” she heard behind her, that singsong voice speaking to her tenderly. “You like it when I touch you here?”

“Yes,” she sighed as she opened her legs wider, allowing more access.

“You want me to fuck you here?” Regina asked lowly, nearly growled it out, as she moved her fingers down and pressed against Emma’s opening.

Emma felt a rush of new wetness slip out and answer Regina’s question for her, and she gave a pitiful cry as her body betrayed whatever dignity she had left.

A guttural sound like a half laugh have moan escaped Regina’s ears as she felt it, cupping Emma’s pussy harder. “That’s the right answer, Little One.”

“Fuck, I need you,” Emma whimpered, clamping her legs shut around Regina’s hand, but the exact opposite of what she was trying to accomplish happened. Regina pulled away, and guided Emma back down on her hands so that she was in a crawling position on the floor. Emma gave a little sob, feeling herself move her hips slightly, as if there was something against her sex to gain purchase, cause friction. She knew the image of it would make Regina weak in the knees.

She wasn’t disappointed when she heard Regina try to clear her throat, as if clearing her mind, and even though she felt Regina leave from behind her, she could hear her breathing pick up in anticipation. “I’ll decide what you need,” she answered kindly. “You know I’ll give you what you need, don’t you? You trust me to give it to you?”

“Yes Mama,” Emma said as she saw Regina saunter towards the door of their closet. Elation filled her up as Regina turned her head to smirk at her.

“Close your eyes. Don’t open them until I say so. And don’t move. Understand?”

“Yes Mama,” Emma repeated, closing her eyes as commanded. But she peeked a moment later to see Regina had disappeared to the other side. She bit her lip, not really believing her luck. Mama hadn’t been specific enough. Loopholes everywhere.

Emma brought one of her hands up to her folds. “Jesus…” she said under her breath as she felt how wet she was. How did Regina do that? How did she manage to get Emma so wet when she’d barely touched her? She bit her lip harder to stifle the moan as she rubbed her clit. It didn’t feel nearly as good as Regina’s fingers, but it was giving her enough relief to not feel the need to practically hump the air.

She nearly jumped out of her skin when she felt the hand being ripped away, and it was brought behind her back. Emma had been so into what she was doing that she hadn’t heard Regina coming out of the closet, hadn’t realized she was being rounded on, hadn’t noticed the body putting itself back behind her. With her eyes shut, she clearly hadn’t seen, but with trying to keep her moans to herself, she had been completely in her own little world. Now, her face was being forced down to the carpet, and Emma was propping herself on one elbow as she whined, muttering something about not meaning to, she was sorry.

She wasn’t really sorry.

But she stopped all talking when she felt her pussy being smacked from behind, a loud, wet slapping sound filling the room as Regina’s palm came down against her, and Emma half yelled, half moaned out a dangerously near-to orgasm. “That,” Regina responded. “Is what I would have called moving,” she said calmly, and she brought her hand down again, spanking Emma right at her opening. Emma felt the wetness splash against Regina’s hand, but instead of bringing it away, Regina gathered her juices and rubbed it slowly all the way up Emma’s slit and to her puckered opening.

Once Emma felt Regina’s fingers rubbing circles to her back entrance, she groaned into the carpet, clenching and unclenching, feeling every tiny touch of the pads of Regina’s fingertips. She felt herself release more warmth, and it began trickling down her leg.

“Oh, baby…” Regina leaned down towards her, looming over her body. “You’re absolutely soaked.”

“Mama, I’m sorry for touching myself,” Emma said in response, looking back and giving large puppy eyes. She wasn’t sure if they were going to work, but she had to try. “I need you.”

At this, Regina leaned a bit further in, and whispered in Emma’s ear. “You need me here?” she asked, that low sultry tone back, so close to The Queen…just on the edge. It made Emma shiver again, but that left as she felt something thick enter her puckered hole and pop into place.

“Oh!” Emma melted as she felt herself filled up. She recognized the toy as one of her larger anal plugs, and knew she was going to be in for quite the night. She clenched hard to maximize the feeling. As she did, Regina grabbed her thighs gently and spread her legs wider.

The moan she let out became a gasp as she felt the fullness within her, and she threw her head back. “Thank you!” she cried in relief.

“Don’t thank me yet,” Mama said, only the slightest edge in her voice as she wrapped her arms around Emma’s middle and pulled her up. She brought Emma flush against her, and Emma felt Mama’s bare chest on her back again. The new angle of the toy inside her made her whimper, and even though she was on her knees, she could feel them weaken and knew if she was made to stand, she’d have to be held up. “I haven’t punished you for touching yourself.”

That’s when Emma felt it: the feeldo pressed against her wet, wanting entrance. Without warning, Regina pushed it inside.

“Oh! Jesus!” Emma cried out, throwing her head back so far that she hit Regina’s shoulder. Immediately, Regina put her mouth on Emma’s exposed neck, biting down just enough to not leave a mark. It only heightened the sensory overload. Emma was so filled up, both with the plug and now Regina pushing their favorite dildo deep inside her, and thanks to how wet she was, it slipped in easily to the hilt. “Oh, fuck!”

Regina growled against her neck, pulling out and pushing back in. At the same moment, she brought a hand down and slapped Emma’s bare bottom. Hard. Emma gasped, closing her eyes tight as she saw little light bursts in her vision. She was completely overwhelmed.

“Watch your mouth,” Regina warned, that voice as low and dangerous, yet somehow as silky as sex itself. “Or I’ll spank your butt raw.”

That threat solidified Emma’s pleasure, and she felt her legs trembling so hard that she could tell it really wasn’t going to take much to make her come. Regina felt it nearly the same moment Emma realized it was happening. In response, a protective arm wrapped around her, and Regina nuzzled just under Emma’s jaw. “My darling,” she whispered. “Are you coming already? You know you’re not allowed.” So soft.

Emma let out a shivering whimper, nuzzling back, feeling a familiar wave coming forward. But she held it in. She didn’t want to come just yet. She wanted this to last longer.

“No, Mama,” she answered after she caught her breath. “No. I’ll be good.”

Regina nearly snorted a laugh. “Hm. That would be a first.”

Emma breathed deeply, trying to catch enough air in her lungs. She laughed a little bit at Regina’s comment, and something caught her eye. She looked to the ground next to them, and saw that Regina had brought out a few other items: her flogger was placed next to Regina’s thigh, at the ready in case she decided to use that instead of her bare palm against Emma’s bottom, Emma’s favorite green pacifier which she was sometimes given when she was being spanked was placed beside it, and then a fresh diaper opened as if at the ready.

Emma put her fingers in her mouth and suckled hard, feeling herself going down just a bit further as she pouted. “Mama,” she said as she took them out, placing them on her bottom lip. “No nap.” She ground her hips down firmly against the toy inside her, knowing she was nudging at the shaft and hitting Regina’s ridged walls as she did. She stuck her fingers back in her mouth to stifle the moan the sensation had coming out of her mouth.

At this, Regina gave a low chuckle and bent Emma over until she was steadying herself on her hands again.

“Nap? Emma, I’m nowhere near ready to put you down for a nap.” Emma felt her ready to push back in, but instead, she waited, rubbing Emma’s bottom with a soothing hand.

But Emma eyed the diaper again. Why else would it be there?

“No nap!” she said more forcefully this time, and the hand that was soothing her rump squeezed in warning.

“Emma. I just said you weren’t getting one. But if I decide you need one, then you will get it. Understood?”

Then it occurred to Emma: the usual item that was missing was a towel. If Emma was getting spanked, she was most assuredly going to make a mess. With how turned on she was, it was almost a promise. Regina knew that.

“I need you,” Emma found herself blurting out, shivering and feeling herself clench down hard on the feeldo and plug alike, causing so much friction that it made her whole body quake. She didn’t beg unsolicited very often. Not unless Regina took her down to the very edge. But here she was, blabbering on, trying desperately to get her partner to move inside her. A lightbulb had just gone off in her head, and the anticipation was breaking her resolve. “I’ll be good. Please, I need you so much. I’ll be a good girl. I promise I’ll be a good girl…” she was raving now, her hips grinding down against Regina’s pelvis that she was sitting on.

Regina released a nearly feral sound in Emma’s ear, and she knew her begging was sending waves of pleasure through her partner. Regina wasn’t going to be able to resist her groveling.

She felt herself being doubled over, and suddenly, Regina was slamming back in. The force of it caused Emma to let out a cry, pleasure painting the sound as she held herself up with her arms. And it was hard. Her shaking hadn’t gone away. But she found purchase by shifting back against Regina’s thrusts, and they found a rhythm together.

Emma had barely gotten used to the sensation when she knew she needed more. She’d had a delicious taste of sensory overload, and she needed it to consume her again. The idea of it was driving her mad as she felt Regina’s hands firmly on her hips, rocking them so that she could enter Emma perfectly. Emma felt the feeldo rubbing against her g-spot in just the right place, and she lowered herself down to her elbows, unable to keep her arms from shaking.

Over her continuous whimpering, she heard Regina’s strangled grunts as she thrust in and out of Emma from behind. She was murmuring under her breath, words of encouragement. “That’s my girl. Take me, baby…oh fuck…Emma!”

Emma bit down on her forearm and reached underneath herself to try and find more release. Her fingers sought out her clit. She was so swollen, it was easy to find, and her juices coated her digits instantly. She was so wet. As she circled around her waiting bud, she felt a biting smack against her butt, and her teeth let go of her arm as her jaw dropped at the surge of pleasure it sent through her.

She let out a pitiful cry when Regina cracked down on her bottom a second time, clenching so hard around the toys inside her that Regina had a hard time pulling out. Emma felt her halt, and then she was being pulled upright again.

Her back landed against Regina’s torso. Her bottom was resting on Regina’s thighs, the plug pushing against a different spot by the new position. For a moment, the two of them froze. Emma panted, feeling Regina’s own labored breathing against her neck, and they stayed catching their breath for what felt like minutes until she felt Regina’s teeth nip at her jawline. At the same moment, her fingers that were over her clit were removed, and Emma felt a light pinch against it as Regina’s hand took over. She mewled in response.

“You want me here, baby?” Regina groaned, pinching Emma’s clit just a bit harder.

At a loss for words, Emma found herself nodding her head feverishly.

“Did you ask?” There was enough of a challenge in Regina’s voice for Emma to know she’d gotten herself into trouble, but when she shook her head, she felt a quick swat against her butt.

“Ah!” she cried, her voice several octaves higher than usual. Fuck that felt so good!

“You answer me.” Low and warning.

“No. I didn’t ask.”

“Mm,” Regina mused, and her fingers stopped pinching to brush lightly over Emma’s swollen bud. “Why didn’t you ask, my love?”

“Mama…” Emma whimpered, trying to scoot back. She needed Regina to move inside her again. She needed the friction against her walls, needed to have Regina try to push through as she clamped around her.

“That wasn’t an answer,” Mama said sweetly, kissing Emma’s jaw this time. “Mama’s here, babygirl. Do you want more?”

Emma nodded. “Uh huh.”

“Then you answer, please.”

“Wanted…” Emma swallowed, trying to catch her breath. She was such a goner she could barely find the words to form sentences. “Wanted a spanking…” she admitted.

She felt Regina shudder, and grinned secretively to herself. Nothing was going to turn Regina on more than voicing her dirty desires.

“Say that again,” Regina whispered in her ear, this time a bit of a plea was tinted in her voice. Her veil was coming down as Emma was hitting her weak spots. She had a hard time not doing her own begging when Emma brought it this way. “Emma, tell me what I want to hear again.”

Emma gasped out her next words. “I touched myself because I wanted you to spank me.”

The softest “oh” escaped Regina’s lips, and in one short instant, Emma was back to being doubled over, and Regina was thrusting into her greedily. In another moment, she was cracking her hand down on Emma’s already raw cheeks.

Emma nearly screamed in relief, her sweaty forehead pressed against her arm as she felt Regina bury inside her all the way. The feeldo filled her completely, and her clit was being pressed by Regina’s hand that was holding her in place as the other fell against her rump over and over, creating a steady rhythm of so much stimulation that Emma’s eyes rolled into the back of her head.

“There…” she breathed out. “There…fuck me right there…”

“My darling,” she heard from behind her, the plea dripping from it. “My Emma…”

“Gunna come,” Emma said.

“No!” a rushed command. “You come when I tell you to.”

“Gunna come…” Emma repeated, this time not sure if she was going to be able to hold back the growing orgasm that she felt building dangerously fast. She was very close to not meeting Regina’s wishes. And that would be just fine with her. The idea of the punishment of disobeying was nearly enough to make her come on the spot.

But Regina lifted Emma up again against her body again. She felt their combined sweat now as their skin pressed up against one another. Felt it on her brow. Regina took her hand away from Emma’s clit to grasp one of her breasts possessively. The other hand came to pet Emma’s abdomen, rub down her thigh. “So close already,” she panted. “You like it when I spank you, don’t you Emma?”

If she had the wherewithal, Emma would have tried to make the argument that it wasn’t all that soon. Regina had been playing with her for a while by then, not to mention the anticipation had been building since they left Eye Candy. But who had the energy for all those syllables? Emma only had enough wits about her to begin sucking on her fingers.

“No no,” was the kind response as her bottom was tapped and her hand was pulled away. But when she felt her pacifier being brought to her lips, she turned away and whined. She didn’t want her paci. She wanted to be able to make all the noise in the world. “Emma.” A warning tone. Good.

When her paci was placed on her lips again, Emma ripped her face away from it and let out a stubborn grunt.

“Emma.” The hand on her breast clutched just a bit tighter. “Now.”

But Emma felt like being a brat. Because she didn’t want her paci. And she didn’t want to not be spanked. “No paci.” She wriggled her hips to cause friction, making her point. With the effort she was putting into her mini tantrum, her orgasm was no longer teetering on the edge. It had abated slightly now that Regina wasn’t thrusting in and out of her.

But it was quickly taken away. Regina grabbed hold of Emma’s hips with both hands then, and lifted her off. The toy was taken out, and Emma felt an overwhelming sense of emptiness at its absence. It was added to as Regina shifted away from her, and Emma was left by herself on the floor as her partner got to her feet and walked around to kneel in front of Emma.

Emma gave a little whimper as the paci was brought firmly to her lips, the look on Mama’s face deadly serious. Emma looked back with wide eyes but didn’t take it.

Woops. Wrong answer. Suddenly she was being forced across Mama’s lap. The feeldo that was still thoroughly embedded in Regina was resting against Regina’s stomach now, pressed in between them when Emma’s tummy was brought down across Mama’s thighs, and her paci was forced in between her lips. Once it was in place, Emma felt a series of spanks come down on her bottom.

Two things happened at once that had Emma’s originally fleeing orgasm building up again. The first was that the spanks were forcing her plug to hit inside of her in such a delicious way that it was hard not to be overtaken by the pleasure it brought. The second was the abject humiliation that this position always brought down upon her was pushing that orgasm so close that Emma felt herself coating Regina’s bare thigh with the force of it, her hips involuntarily humping down to gain as much friction to ride it out.

It never failed. This was her ultimate shame. The delicious vulnerability was so mortifying that it somehow brought her unbelievable delight. She craved this openness, knew Regina barely kept herself together at seeing Emma this exposed. It was, for lack of a better term, a complete mindfuck that wrapped Emma in overwhelming pleasure. Every time.

Her paci dropped out of her mouth and to the floor as she let out a pitiful moan when the small orgasm left her as quickly as it came.

Next thing she knew, she was being raised and cradled, and she wrapped her legs around Mama’s middle, her arms around Mama’s neck, clinging and moaning as she continued thrusting gently against the warm skin, coating Regina’s stomach with her juices as the small orgasm faded with her ministrations. The feeldo was pressing against her clit, and Emma gave a little whimper of appreciation as she continued humping against it.

Her head was cradled closely, lips at the shell of her ear, murmuring. “Oh baby. You couldn’t hold it?” The voice was peppered with just the right amount of teasing and placation. It made Emma’s tummy warm with affection.

“Mommy,” she whimpered. “Want you inside…”

Regina gave a sympathetic coo as she kissed Emma’s temple. “But you didn’t listen, did you?”

Emma shook her head. “No,” she admitted.

“Will you listen this time? Do as I say?”

“’Kay,” she nodded.

“So when I say you aren’t getting a nap, or that you _are_ getting a nap, or that you need your paci, what do you say?”

“Say ‘okay.’”

“As long as…?” the prompt was accompanied by another kiss to the corner of her mouth, and it made Emma smile.

“As long as I feel safe.”

“And what do we say if we aren’t feeling safe?”

Emma swallowed. She didn’t even want to utter the word. She had no desire for any of this to stop. On the contrary, her entire body was on fire. The mini orgasm she’d had passed with little fanfare, and her body was screaming to reach its full potential. But Regina’s rules were strict, and even though she was well aware of what Emma wanted, she was always very diligent about keeping Emma safe. Even though it was hard to remember it when she was so hot and bothered, Emma knew it was the very reason she did feel safe, that she did crave these sessions, that she did fall into them so fully. Regina would never, ever let her go too far. Regina would always put her safety, her happiness first. She’d never felt unsafe with Regina. Not once. She wasn’t sure if she could say that about anybody else in the world.

“We say ‘red’,” she finally managed.

Regina loosened her hold, putting her hands under Emma’s arms and guiding their bodies apart so she could kiss Emma’s lips. “That’s my good girl. On your knees please.”

Before moving, Emma put her hands on Regina’s cheeks, and gazed into her face. It was just a moment, just the smallest fraction of a second, but she felt such a surge of overwhelming affection then that her eyes smarted.

And Regina paused. Those dark pupils softening, the edge in her grin disappearing in an instant, smile turning warm. Regina blinked slowly, and leaned in to nuzzle their noses together. Emma breathed in the scent of her lover for the tiniest of moments, and then did as she was told, forcing herself away from the body she craved, and crawling on her hands and knees. The plug pivoted inside her just enough to keep the friction alive, and she waited as she felt hands grip her hips and Regina line herself up behind her.

Emma trembled in anticipation as she felt the tip of the toy at her entrance. She swung her hips backwards to give Regina more access, and wasn’t disappointed when she was forcefully pushed forward as Regina sunk inside.

“Unh!” she couldn’t help the feral groan that came out of her at finally being filled back up again. And Regina couldn’t seem to help not being able to keep her hands off of Emma. She grabbed hold of Emma’s abdomen and pulled their bodies against one another. Emma was on her knees again, and she reached behind her to grab ahold of Regina’s hair. “Oh! Thank you!” she cried. “Thank you!”

Regina’s lips were by her ear, and she was grunting out deep moans with each thrust inside. “Feel so good,” she murmured. “Emma…so good…” And her hand came down on the side of Emma’s rump. Not hard, but enough to sting. Enough to add to Emma’s pleasure.

“Again,” Emma begged. “Please…again!”

Teeth came down gently on her shoulder as Regina obliged. She began spanking Emma in a steady rhythm.

Oh god. The buildup hit fourth gear. Emma felt every part of her alive. All of it. Just…on fire.

“Oh my god…” she chanted, every time it was cut off as she choked on her pleasure.

“Gunna come,” Regina answered, making Emma’s shoulder vibrate with the rumbling of the words. “Emma…baby…I’m gunna come.” As she slapped Emma’s bare butt, she grabbed hold of the flesh there, and Emma felt the band around Regina’s finger. The one she’d put there. And suddenly, her walls were closing dangerously fast, making it nearly impossible for Regina to continue fucking into her. Instead, she felt the toy stay stuffed inside and Regina’s hips rock against her ass, clearly riding out her breaking point as a strangled groan hit Emma’s ear.

“Mama! Gunna…!”

Emma didn’t finish the announcement. She was cut off by her peak sneaking up on her. It hit her so forcefully that she froze, her body straightening as she was caged in its overwhelming power. In the moment that she was stuck in place, she tried to prepare herself for the aftermath, but there was nothing that could have prepared her. When it hit her, she screamed, her body hunching over, the only thing keeping her from hitting the floor was Regina’s arm wrapping around her protectively.

The pleasure enslaved her, and she gripped the arm holding her up as she cried out. As the first wave began to fade and the next one came on its heels, she felt her body begin to release. But this time, Emma had the familiar sensation of warmth encircling her privates. She had enough wits about her to look down and see that Regina had grabbed the opened diaper and was holding it against the source of Emma’s pleasure. She was squirting, and instead of Regina putting a towel down, she was cupping a diaper against her to soak it up.

“I’ve got you, Emma. I’ve got you,” Regina moaned, voice dripping with her own climax. She’d pulled out, but Emma felt her hips still thrusting against her. “Relax. You’re okay. Let go, my love.”

She didn’t know she’d been holding back, but with those words Emma realized that her body was still rigid, trying to compose herself from the intensity of the release. It was a natural thing for her to do ever since she’d began squirting, and Regina always had to remind her mid orgasm to simply let go.

So she let go. Completely succumbed to the power of it.

Emma felt more absorption, and in return more pleasure releasing from her. Regina stayed there, supporting the diaper against her, supporting her from completely collapsing. She was overwhelmed with how much she was squirting, didn’t know if she’d ever released so much before. Doubted it as she heard the hum of Regina’s praises in her ear.

“That’s it, Emma. You’re doing so good. I’m so proud of you…”

She mewled at the words, hips pumping furiously to ride out the strong contraction that was taking over and making her release. In the middle of it all, she was practically weeping with how good she felt. She didn’t know if she’d ever come like this in her life.

“R’gina…” she slurred. “I’m…”

“You’re amazing. You’re beautiful,” Regina chanted. “Fuck Emma, that’s it.”

And then Emma was a shaking mess, her contraction ending with one last thrust of her hips, grinding down against the fully wet diaper being cupped against her opening. Her muscles gave way and she collapsed against her partner, who caught her with ease, kissing every bit of skin she could find.

They stayed that way for a long time. Emma felt the rise and fall of Regina’s rapid breathing matching her own. The arm around her hadn’t moved, neither had the hand holding the now bulging diaper in between her legs.

“Okay,” Emma panted when she’d gathered enough air. “More diaper play from now on.”

Regina let out a breathless laugh behind her, elation clear in her voice. “More diaper play,” she nodded in agreement.

“Fuck,” Emma let out a laugh, giddy with her orgasm. “Fuck…I’m numb.”

“Mmm,” Regina nuzzled her nose at the bend of Emma’s neck and applied just a tiny bit of pressure against Emma’s privates. “I’m really, _really_ in love with you.”

At that, Emma laughed. “Well, yeah. That too.”

Regina began to sneak away from behind her, all the while supporting Emma to lay her back. Emma lay on her back on the floor and let out a deep, satisfied sigh. Smiling down at her, Regina finally took the diaper away from her, and a gust of cold air at her opening made Emma shiver.

Regina gave a sympathetic sound as she rolled up the used diaper and got herself up. “I’ll be back.”

Emma watched her walk away with lazy eyes, vaguely aware of Regina grunting as she pulled the toy out from herself. Emma drifted dreamily, body still coming down from its elation. She felt drunk with the aftermath of her pleasure.

After a time, then she felt kind hands spreading her legs. With a well-practiced reflex, Emma did as she was told and spread them wide.

“Deep breath,” Regina instructed softly, and Emma felt a tug on the plug still embedded deep in her. She gasped as she felt it exit her. “Sshh…Mama’s here,” a sweet voice soothed.

Plug gone, Emma waited for the cold touch of the wipe. It came, slowly and tenderly, Mama cleaning her inner thighs before spreading her lips and wiping around her hood. A second wipe finished at her opening, taking all of her slickness away to dry her. And then she felt cooling cream being spread on the cheeks of her bottom.

Even though she hissed at the slight sting from the aftermath of her spankings, Emma raised her pelvis so that her caregiver had better access to rub the cream in.

Mama soothed her by making the suckling noise with her tongue as she applied a healthy amount of the cream. The menthol finally released enough cold for the stinging to subside.

“No spankings for a few days, okay?” Regina instructed softly, making Emma start as she realized she was fading in and out of consciousness.

“Kay,” she answered lazily.

Regina chuckled. “Stay awake, Little One. We’re not done.”

At this, Emma opened her eyes, feeling more awake at the announcement. “We’re not?”

Again, Regina chuckled, and she grabbed the baby powder to give Emma a light coating of it on her privates. The sensation made her sigh with pleasure, and she saw a knowing smile spread across Regina’s lips because this was always Emma’s favorite part of the ritual.

And then she was having a new diaper shifted underneath her and wrapped around her. Regina taped it up snuggly before putting her hands out in a gesture for Emma to take them and help her up.

“You,” Regina pecked Emma’s right cheek. “Need to eat something.” She pecked her left cheek.

But Emma grimaced, and looked behind her to the clock by the bed. It was nearly midnight. She’d nursed just before they went to the club, and before that she’d had at least…five bites of chicken alfredo!

However, Mama didn’t wait for an answer. She wasn’t starting a discussion. Instead, she took Emma’s hand and guided them to the kitchen, where she hoisted Emma up on the kitchen counter, clad in nothing but her new diaper, and Mama went to the sink to wash her hands.

Emma watched, fingers sneaking up to her mouth, eyes following as Mama dried her hands and opened the fridge. She pulled out a small container of yogurt and then fetched one of Emma’s little rubber spoons.

She walked back into Emma’s space, standing in between Emma’s spread legs as she dipped the spoon in the yogurt and brought it to Emma’s lips. “You need some food. Get some meat on those bones again,” she teased as she tickled Emma’s ribs.

Giggling, Emma hunched over to protect herself from the attack, and in her distraction, another bite was brought to her lips. She took it without any argument, her good mood allowing the yogurt to go down easily.

“Good girl,” Mama praised, tapping Emma’s nose encouragingly and pecking her on the lips. Emma felt a surge of warmth go through her at the affection, but as she swallowed, she looked up seriously.

“It’s not weird. Right?”

“What’s that?” Regina asked, stirring the yogurt carefully to get a healthy amount of fruit mix in with the next scoop.

Emma felt the heat in her cheeks and chided herself inwardly at having any shyness left when it came to Regina at all. “Squirting in a diaper?”

At this, Regina looked up, and gave Emma an incredulous, lopsided smile. “As opposed to…” she cocked a brow as her smirk grew. “Squirting on a towel?”

Emma shrugged. “I just mean…I don’t know what I mean.”

Regina snorted as she spooned some more of the yogurt. “Em. Do you sometimes nurse from me when we’re making love or Playing?”

Seeing where this was going, Emma nodded. As usual, Regina was able to translate her thoughts with only the slightest verbal hints. She knew how to read Emma so well.

“Do you think I’m thinking about that or taking it the same way when you’re regressed or even Little? Do you think I’m thinking about it sexually then?” Regina brought the next spoonful of yogurt to Emma’s mouth. She took it dutifully.

A little smirk hinted on Emma’s face as she shook her head and swallowed. “No.”

Regina smiled, and leaned in to give Emma a quick kiss on the lips before bringing more yogurt to her mouth. “No,” she said kindly. “This isn’t any different. I can diaper you and change you to take care of you, make sure you stay healthy and protected and don’t wet yourself when you are regressed or if you have a flashback. It never once occurs to me then to get turned on. And I can also use them to Play with you and let it add to my pleasure, and the two roads don’t ever cross.”

Emma pursed her lips, unable to hide the little smile that came across her face. “’Kay,” she said, fidgeting with her fingers. “ZeeZee says I should be Little more often. Says I’ve been holding back and if I don’t do that it’ll help.”

Mama brought another bite to Emma’s mouth, a smile playing on her face as she popped it in. “Your Auntie ZeeZee is a very smart person, and we should always listen to what she says.”

“But you don’t always listen to her,” Emma argued, fingers still fidgeting as she swallowed her yogurt.

“But this time she’s right.”

“Mama?”

“Hm?” Mama was busy getting another bite ready.

“Milkies?”

A warm smile spread across Mama’s face then, and she brought the spoon to Emma’s lips. Emma dutifully took the bite. “How about a bottle, baby? With some honey?”

Emma’s grin turned into an ear-to-ear smile, and she nodded her head enthusiastically. Mama had had so much milk lately that Emma hadn’t had a bottle in a few weeks. She must not have enough now. Emma wanted the closeness, but honey mixed in with warm milk was a good compromise.

She sat patiently while Mama made the bottle, and while it was warming, she had Emma wash her hands and face. They finally made it back to their room, but this time crawled into bed. Emma didn’t waste any time scooting in and getting close to Mama, who chuckled as she cradled Emma close and brought the nipple of the bottle to Emma’s lips. Emma took it and sucked eagerly, her mouth filling with the warm drink. Her hand found purchase on the mound of Mama’s breast, and she rubbed it tenderly, hearing an appreciative sigh escaping her partner.

“Are you my sleepy girl, Emma?” she heard a soft voice whisper, and realized that her eyes were closed and her suckling was lazy.

She hummed around the bottle, discontent at the idea that she was falling asleep. She wriggled, blinking hard and furrowing her brow to try and make herself stay awake. She wanted to keep being held.

But a kiss found its way to her forehead and a shushing sound soothed her frustrated groaning. She was bounced slightly in Mama’s arms. “Hush now, Little One.”

Emma suckled, tasting the honey on her tongue, and the warm milk was bleeding through her veins, calming her.

“There we go,” a satisfied voice, a little farther away than before. “There we go…”

Emma didn’t remember any more.

***

She woke with a start, so violent that she felt herself kicking. But she couldn’t see anything. Emma blinked furiously, telling herself this was just a dream. One of those dreams that you couldn’t see no matter how hard you tried.

The air was thick, but she could sense not far away a freshness to it that she craved. She tried to get closer. She was almost there. She was about to panic at not being able to see and not being able to breathe in that air.

“Emma. You’re here with me. You’re safe.”

A voice cut through her panic. She knew that voice. Steady and alert, authority in it that told Emma it was right.

She felt pressure on one of her hands. She squeezed back.

“I’m here, baby. You’re at home in our bed. I’ve got you. You’re okay.”

Emma blinked again, and this time the dark silhouette came, outlining a mass of dark curly hair.

She gulped in air as the face came into focus.

“I’ve got you, my love.”

A hand on her cheek, and Emma blinked again.

Regina.

“That’s it,” Regina said, a smile coming across her face, awash with surprise and relief. “There’s my little fighter. Hey baby.” She felt her hand squeezed again.

Emma squeezed back. “Hey…” she slurred, confused but finding herself calming down. She had fresh air, she could see around her. It was her bedroom. Her bedroom with Regina. She was safe.

She breathed a sigh of relief and closed her eyes. She went right back to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If your week has been like mine, this might be considered a decent break. See you next time!


	21. A Long Day

Regina woke up to the smell of coffee wafting in from the hall. Groaning, she looked at the clock and saw that it was 6:25 in the morning. Her alarm would have gone off in five minutes, but apparently Emma didn’t want to wait. Looking to her side, Regina saw that Emma was gone and judging by the cold, she hadn’t been there for a while. Still, Regina felt colder than normal, and shivered as she got up. She was naked, of course, because of the previous night, and chalked it up to that.

She stretched, feeling that said night’s fun had a lasting effect on her body. Her joints ached. But as she stretched, Regina felt something unfamiliar, and looked to see the engagement ring Emma had given her last night. She gazed down at the amethyst stone fondly and found herself blushing. Her perfect Emma…

And that was when the night before came back to her. Not the Play, though of course that had been incredible, but when Emma had woken up as if about to have an attack.

But she hadn’t. She’d been on the verge. Regina could see it in her eyes as they turned black with dilated pupils and her muscles began to constrict. But Regina had been able to call her back, snap her out of it. It was the first time she’d known of that Emma had been able to keep the flashback away.

A spark of hope lit in Regina’s chest as she got out of bed, finding her robe. She wrapped it around herself, though it didn’t help her feel any warmer. Hugging the robe closer, she felt that aching of her joints again, traveling up to her head. The smell of coffee called to her. She needed it to clear the fog. She and Emma weren’t used to being out all night…and then up all night like they had been just to turn around a few hours later to get ready for their workday. Boy, she was getting old, she chuckled to herself.

She padded down the hallway to find Emma sitting at the dining table, coffee mug steaming next to her and engrossed in a pile of paperwork. She’d clearly gotten up and cleaned herself up, dressing for the day, probably changing herself into grownup underwear. Regina would have liked to have done it, but she knew when Emma woke up earlier than her, she liked to start her day clean. She’d have to check on Emma anyway, make sure she put more cream on Emma’s bottom. Emma would neglect to do it, and she was always very adamant about Emma’s aftercare.

“Hey,” she greeted.

Emma looked up, and Regina could see by the startled face that she hadn’t heard Regina approaching. But she grinned when their eyes met. “Hey. I made coffee.”

“I know,” Regina smiled back, walking into the kitchen. “I think the aroma woke me up. How long have you been awake?” she called as she poured herself a cup.

“Just a bit,” Emma answered as Regina came to sit next to her. Before settling back in her seat, she leaned in to give Emma a kiss. Emma returned it softly, and they smiled at each other again.

“Do you remember waking up last night?” Regina asked, looking down at the paperwork and seeing that Emma was going through police case files.

Emma glanced at her, brow furrowing. “No,” she said.

“You almost had a flashback,” Regina said.

“Oh,” Emma answered simply, brows lifting up then at the news, but she went back to her paperwork as if it were no big deal.

“You didn’t though,” Regina said. “I don’t know if that’s ever happened.”

Looking up again, Emma gave her a shrug. “I…I dunno. That’s good, right?”

Regina laughed then. “Good? Emma, it’s amazing. Maybe even a breakthrough.”

“Yeah…maybe,” Emma said, but she sounded unsure, and Regina cocked her head to the side and studied her partner. She seemed distracted.

“What’s wrong?” she asked.

Emma looked up quickly, and it was clear to Regina that she had anticipated this question based on her response. “Nothing. I just…” and she pursed her lips and gave Regina that look that meant she wasn’t sure if Regina was going to like what she said. “I don’t want you to get your hopes up. That’s all.”

Regina felt her shoulders slump as she sighed. “Emma, there’s a difference between getting your hopes up and having hope. Don’t you have any faith in yourself at all that you can heal?”

The question seemed to strike Emma, and she blinked before looking down at the table, worrying her bottom lip as she thought. And it hit Regina. Like a train it hit her. “You haven’t, have you?”

Emma shrugged. “I dunno,” she said. “I mean, at first I really just wanted it to go away. But that didn’t happen and I guess since then I’ve just…figured this was my life now.”

The admission made something crack in Regina’s chest. She felt the pain of it as literal as the aching of her joints. “Emma…baby. What do you think we’ve been working so hard for all this time?”

Emma didn’t answer at first. She kept her eyes on the table, even though it was clear she wasn’t even seeing the paperwork anymore. She was still worrying her bottom lip as she shrugged.

It hurt Regina to see her like this, but maybe Emma just needed time to let it sink in. It had taken a while for the flashbacks to sink in back when they first started happening. Maybe this wasn’t any different.

Regina took Emma’s hand and squeezed. It prompted Emma to look up at her, and she smiled warmly. “Let’s nurse, okay?” she said softly.

That seemed to soften Emma’s expression, and she grinned before nodding. “Kay,” she said.

Emma had gone for the couch, but Regina took her hand again and shook her head, guiding her silently into the bedroom, where she brought Emma down with her on their chair overlooking the harbor. Emma tucked in as natural as falling asleep, and loosened Regina’s robe to expose her breast. It would have dropped uncomfortably heavy if it hadn’t been for the gentle support of Emma’s hand, and when she latched, she gave a long, purposeful suck that released enough tension for Regina to groan in relief and bury her face in Emma’s hair. The usual discomfort of having full breasts seemed to be more than usual this morning, and she was more than happy to have it be relieved now.

Emma gave a sympathetic grunt that vibrated through Regina’s chest, and she let out an appreciative sigh as she kissed Emma’s head and brought her hand down to Emma’s bottom, rubbing it gently over Emma’s jeans. “You sore, baby?” she murmured.

Emma let out a noise that sounded like “uh uh,” but Regina just chuckled as she felt the pull of her milk giving her more relief. “You know I’m gunna check anyway,” she said.

Unlatching for the smallest of moments, Emma massaged Regina’s breast with a tender thumb to help encourage more milk to flow, and whispered: “worth it,” before latching back on.

Letting out a chuckle, Regina buried her face in Emma’s hair again and inhaled deeply as she felt her milk being taken. Her joints still ached, but she wasn’t going to let that ruin the moment.

But when Emma switched to the next breast, the discomfort she felt wasn’t alleviated by Emma nursing as it usually was. And after Emma suckled for a few moments, her attempts more forceful than normal, she unlatched and sat up, cupping Regina’s cheek with a gentle hand. Regina felt herself leaning into it and groaning.

“Hey,” Emma called quietly, forcing an intense gaze. “Are you okay?” she lowered her hand again to feel Regina’s breast. “You feel warm.”

Surprised, Regina lifted her brow. Emma’s announcement perked her focus back up. How could she feel warm to the touch when she felt more cold than usual? But she gave Emma a smile. “I’m okay,” she said. “I think maybe I just have more milk this morning.”

But Emma just looked at her uncertainly. “You didn’t have a lot last night. And there’s not a lot right now.”

Regina chuckled, trying to shrug off Emma’s concern. She didn’t want Emma worrying about her just then. Despite feeling a bit run down and having more milk, she was just fine, and wanted to spend her energy focusing on their appointment with Archie that day. She pressed their foreheads together and gave Emma a smile. “Worrying for your Mama,” she teased. “I’m just fine, Little One.”

But Emma didn’t shift. She gave Regina an uncertain look, her cheeks being pulled in between her teeth as the wheels in her head turned. So Regina just coaxed Emma back down, “come on,” she whispered as she guided her breast back to Emma’s lips. “Or we’ll be late for our day.”

Emma latched back on, and Regina had to stifle the groan of pain when she did. That was new, she thought. But she pushed the worry aside, even as Emma wasn’t able to get enough milk for the discomfort to be relieved. She thought maybe it was stress.

Emma wasn’t able to get very much milk, but the pressure was still there. As they got up from their chair, Emma continued to eye her, and Regina worked to put on a chipper attitude.

Before they left for their separate offices, Regina did indeed insist that she check Emma over, and made her sourdough toast with jelly too before taking off for the day.

She had so much to do at the office that the morning really breezed by, but she kept catching glimpses of her ring, and a smile would come to her face. She used it as a distraction from the growing aching in her breast, but when the time came for her to pump, Regina gasped out loud as she opened her blouse.

The breast that Emma hadn’t been able to get enough milk out of was visibly blotchy and red, her areola inflamed. Trying to put the pump on to relieve herself, she hissed at the touch.

“Shit,” she breathed out, catching her breath. A chill went down her spine as she was suddenly overcome with the aching of her whole body. The pain of her breast sharpened. “Oh, shit,” she repeated, and hurriedly covered herself to get on her computer. She googled a red, inflamed breast and found the answer right away.

Mastitis. Not uncommon with breastfeeding mothers. Regina made hurried work of calling an advice nurse through her insurance, something she didn’t remember ever having to do. She was sick so rarely that she never went to the doctor other than to have an annual checkup.

The conversation wasn’t a pleasant one. The nurse assessed she had mastitis, but as the had no record of Regina being pregnant or having a baby, she had to stop the conversation up short.

“The point is,” Regina said curtly, “that I am actively breastfeeding, and have been for over a year.”

There was a pause on the other end, before the nurse finally said, “okay. I can get you antibiotics, but your primary care physician will want to see you this afternoon.”

She found a slot just an hour after the appointment with Archie, and suddenly her day was absolutely filled with office visits, when all she really wanted to do was curl up in bed and go to sleep. She took some pain medication before leaving to pick up her prescription, all the while feeling like hell and wondering what she was supposed to say to her doctor.

Or Emma, for that matter. Emma, who she remembered when they first started nursing, had been concerned with Regina’s health as a result of it.

Just as that thought came, her phone rang, and she saw Emma’s name on the caller ID.

“Hey,” she said as she answered, trying to sound as if nothing was going on. She wanted to wait until after their appointment with Archie before saying anything. Emma needed to focus on Emma right now.

“Hey,” Emma echoed, and the tone in her voice had Regina’s attention.

“What’s wrong?” she asked, feeling her heart rate go up as the various possibilities went through her brain.

“Nothing,” Emma answered quickly. “I just got a call from Archie. I wanted to prepare you.”

Interest peeked, Regina asked, “Prepare me for what?”

“I talked to him about the pictures that Zelena had me draw? He wants to put me under hypnosis.”

The words transported Regina into a memory of the last time she had been present when Emma had gone under hypnosis. Archie had been able to summon her toddler self, and she had explained who she was, what she remembered, who she thought Regina was, and everything else in between. It had been one of the more surreal experiences of her life. It had also not been pleasant, watching Emma relive her sad childhood.

“Did he say why?” she found herself asking, and heard Emma sigh on the other end.

“Something about syncing up or…I dunno. He’ll have to explain it.”

“Okay,” she replied. “Are you comfortable with this?”

There was a long silence on the other end before she heard Emma sigh again. “It’s fine. I mean, nothing else has been working, right? Maybe another tactic is the best way to go.”

She met Emma in the parking lot of Archie and Zelena’s office, noting the absence of her sister’s car. Zelena was spending her time recuperating from no alcohol, and Regina made a mental note to check up with her after their appointment. Zelena had been adamant that she go on with her life as per usual, but Regina couldn’t think of circumstances that were more unusual than what was happening now. That being said, she knew that once Zelena put her mind to something, it was hard to get her to change it.

Archie greeted them both with his warm smile, standing aside to allow them in. “Welcome,” he said. “How are you both doing?”

Emma, usually quiet and as withdrawn as she could be in a therapy session, allowed Regina to answer. “Considering everything? I think we’re doing okay,” she said.

“That’s good,” he said jovially as he sat in his usual chair. Regina and Emma sat down on the thick leather couch opposite him, and Emma wasted no time picking up a fidget spinner that was on the coffee table in between them. Regina was appreciative of Emma being distracted just then. Even though her fever had gone down because of the Tylenol she’d taken, she knew she didn’t look her best. She certainly didn’t feel her best, and had to pivot her sitting position so she didn’t aggravate her breast, which at the moment was the only part of her body she was able to feel.

“We’re quiet around here since Zelena has taken her time off,” Archie said conversationally, eyes flickering once to the quiet Emma before landing back on Regina. “But I spoke with her today. She seems in good spirits. Again, all things considering.”

Regina smiled at this, though forced, and nodded. “She is. Of course, Emma and I are trying to keep an eye on her.”

Archie shrugged as he picked up a notepad that had been sitting next to him on his chair. “Don’t you worry about your sister,” he said. “She’s a strong woman. And in good hands. Speaking of Zelena, Emma did you bring the drawings?”

Emma reached into her red jacket and pulled out two folded pieces of paper. They were so tattered by this point that she worked to open them up, her tongue sticking out at the side in deep concentration. Regina met Archie’s eyes, and the two exchanged a little smile as Emma finally flattened them out and leaned over the coffee table to hand them to Archie.

“I’m really hoping you can tell which one I drew, and which one the other one drew.”

Archie, not looking up from the drawings, said quietly. “I can tell they are both you.”

Emma made a grunting noise, and Regina reached over to squeeze Emma’s thighs encouragingly as Archie looked them over. It got Emma’s attention, and she looked to Regina to smile. But Regina saw that smile falter as soon as their eyes met, and Emma’s face twisted to a look of concern. “You okay?” she whispered so Archie couldn’t hear.

Regina felt a pang of panic hit her chest. This was the worst moment for Emma to be worried about her. They needed to get through this session, they needed to focus on Emma’s mental health. It was important. And Emma finding out Regina was sick as a direct result of something that was so important to them was going to flip her headspace. The idea of it sent dread through Regina. So she worked hard to look as if she had no clue what Emma was talking about, and gave her a quick nod, as if surprised Emma would insinuate she wasn’t. “Of course,” she whispered.

Emma studied her. Regina could see those eyes so focused on her, as if trying to calculate the scenario here. So Regina nodded Archie’s way, and gave Emma a grin. “Pay attention.”

Though looking reluctant to do so, Emma put her focus back on Archie, the fidget spinner whirling around in between her fingers. “So what about it, Doc? Am I crazy?”

Archie gave a little snort of amusement, but didn’t answer, continuing to study the two pieces of paper that Emma had torn out of her books with careful precision. Finally, he looked up with a smile that didn’t match Regina’s trepidation about their visit. “Looks like there’s a story here.”

Regina watched as Emma pursed her lips, but she didn’t say anything, opting to nod instead.

“Did the two of you have a chance to discuss my plans for today?”

Emma turned to exchange a look with Regina, who gave her a reassuring smile. “We did,” she said.

“Regina, if you’re okay with it, I’d like you to come sit by me.”

Feeling immediately protective, Regina struggled to keep an amicable expression on her face, and with one last squeeze to Emma’s thigh, she got up off the couch to sit at Archie’s side.

Emma, for her part, was looking at the fidget spinner in her hand, fiddling with it as if in deep concentration. But without so much as a prompt from Archie, she pivoted to lay on the couch. She intertwined her fingers and rested them on her chest.

Archie seemed to find this amusing. “Old pro,” he commented, giving Emma a grin. Regina tried to mimic this, but she was staring intently at Emma, feeling her already aching muscles tense as she heard Archie begin to instruct Emma to do the exact opposite. As he asked her to breathe, Regina found she was nearly out of breath. She had hawk eyes on Emma, watching the rising and downward fall of her chest, watching her fingers loosening, even seeing her face slacken as Archie instructed her and brought her down.

Regina nearly jumped when she felt a hand on her shoulder, and she whirled around to see Archie giving her one of those reassuring smiles. It was then that she realized she was hunched over, wringing her hands until her knuckles were white, worrying her bottom lip until she felt it bruise. He mouthed for her to breathe, and she dutifully took in a breath before turning her attention back to Emma, who looked particularly tiny and alone on that couch that might as well have been a world away.

“Emma, I want you to tell me about your dream. The bad dream you told Auntie ZeeZee about,” Archie said in his calm tone, wrapping Regina in a blanket of comfort, though thin as it was.

Emma started speaking with that strange, quiet monotone that had startled Regina the first time she’d seen Archie put her under. As if she were a completely different person, so far from anything Regina knew of her partner. As if she were asleep but speaking softly in her slumbering state.

“I drew her a picture,” she whispered conversationally.

“You did,” Archie said, lifting his tone in encouragement. “I saw it. It was very good. Did you draw it to show Auntie what you saw in your dream?”

“Yeah,” Emma said, and Regina recognized just a tiny hint of her baby in that voice now. She felt it wrap around her heart. Tugging until it ached.

“Why don’t you tell me about it,” Archie said, folding his hands in front of him, his gaze never leaving Emma, who lay perfectly still on the couch, eyes closed and face lax.

“I was in a room,” Emma answered. “Somebody else’s room.”

“Were you alone?” Archie asked.

“No,” was the answer. Regina felt a biting sensation in her palm, and realized she’d been clutching her hands together and digging her nails into her flesh. She tried to ease up.

“Who was there with you?”

There was a pause. “I…I dunno. Itsa baby.” Slurred speech. Baby Emma.

“Smaller than you? Bigger? Same size?” Archie prompted.

“Smaller,” Emma said. “He’s crying.”

“Okay,” Archie nodded. “Is there anybody else there? Is there a grownup to help the baby?”

The question made Emma pause again, but this time, there was an uptick in her breath, as if she just realized her situation. Regina could sense it now; she knew that was the wrong question to ask. If Emma was remembering what Regina thought she was, then any grownup that would have been around would not have been safe.

“I dunno,” Emma said, but her voice this time had a hint of fear in it.

“That’s okay,” Archie said calmly. “How old do you think you are, Emma?”

“Mama isn’t here,” Emma said, and Regina saw her chest rise faster than it had before.

“That’s okay, Emma. You’re okay,” Archie tried, but Emma’s breathing started to pick up.

“No. She was here but…she was crying. Didn’t like this Mama…”

“Emma. It’s okay. Let’s count our breaths, okay? Focus on my voice. One, breathe in…” Archie started the mantra, and Emma heaved a couple more times before she was able to follow suit. After a few moments, Archie pivoted her attention again. “Let’s go back to you drawing the picture for Auntie.”

This time, Emma giggled, surprising Regina with her quick change. “Auntie ZeeZee said ‘fuck’.”

Regina opened her mouth to chide Emma as if it were a natural reflex, but remembered herself just as Archie was about to motion for her to stay quiet. She pursed her lips together as she saw Archie hold back a little chuckle.

“That wasn’t very good of her,” Archie said, sounding amused. It made Emma giggle.

“Mama got so mad.”

Archie finally made eye contact with Regina, who nodded as she held back her laugh. She felt relief that he was able to call Emma out of her panic.

Archie’s gaze lingered on Regina just long enough for her to see that he seemed concerned about her, but he turned back quickly to his task. “And when Auntie had you draw the picture, did she ask you what to draw?”

Emma’s voice came back to a monotone, and she breathed out quietly. “The best and the worst part.”

“Okay,” Archie nodded. “Good. Tell me about the best part.”

Emma seemed to think for a moment before she answered. “Teddy Sebastian. I like him. He’s soft.”

As Archie asked Emma what Teddy Sebastian looked like, Emma kept mentioning how soft and cozy he was, and Regina felt her heart break as she heard the longing there. Had Emma ever been given something like that as a child? She thought about Pankie, and how much Emma clung to it, how Emma had nearly lost it at the suggestion of it being replaced.

But suddenly Emma stopped talking about Teddy Sebastian. Instead, she was focusing on Baby P, who was crying again. Still crying. And Archie, while he tried to reel Emma back in, she was gone now. Lost in the worst part of the dream instead of the best. The nightmare. Because any memory with Teddy Sebastian also involved that house, that family: the woman that had been murdered and Emma seeing the blood all over the floor, thinking it was red paint. The man who was yelling for her, yelling at Gold. The young man who was telling her to hide…

Emma let out a shriek, and sat upright on the couch, her eyes open now and wild, her face glistening with sweat.

Regina didn’t wait for Archie’s approval to get up and go to her. She was off the couch without realizing that her feet were taking her to Emma’s side. She reached out to grab hold of Emma as she nearly launched herself from her laying position.

“Emma,” Regina called, tone all business as she saw Emma’s eyes looking around wildly. She didn’t seem to see Regina there at all.

“Emma,” Archie’s voice resounded in both their ears, and Emma froze, eyes still unseeing as she heard her name. “I want you to look at your Mama.”

As if a switch had been flipped in Emma’s head, her eyes travelled to Regina’s. The look in them was haunting: far away, not totally there. But there was enough life in them to see that she just barely registered who was in front of her, who was holding onto her.

Regina felt the lump in her throat grow painful as she struggled to keep her eyes dry. She gave Emma a reassuring smile that she wasn’t sure was being received. Emma was still in her trance.

“Good,” Archie said as he saw Emma relax. She was like dead weight in Regina’s arms, gazing dazedly ahead, features going slack. Archie instructed her breathing for the next few minutes, and while he did, he motioned for Regina to lower Emma back down and step away. With every inch she pulled back, Regina felt her aching growing, and her sister’s words harkened back to her as she did.

_You coddle her…_ _Emma has to figure out a way to get in touch with her regressed self, or she’ll never get it under control._

Emboldening herself, Regina took her place next to Archie, and waited as Emma calmed down enough for the exercise to continue. Archie had Emma step back and walk away from Baby P and Teddy Sebastian. He told her to open the door to the bedroom, and when she walked out, she’d been in the kitchen with Mama.

Emma listened, and when Archie asked her what she saw, her answer made Regina smile.

“Mama’s making Mickey pancakes.”

Archie had her describe the pancakes. Had her describe the syrup and whipped cream. Emma dutifully answered. When it was clear she was fully in her moment, Archie once again pivoted.

“Emma, I want you to go to the table. You’ll see your journal and a pencil there. Tell me when you see it.”

They both waited as Emma was walking to the dining room table in her head. Regina could picture her doing it. Could see her walking out of the kitchen, carrying Pankie in her hand, the end of it dragging behind her.

“I see it,” she said.

“Good. Sit down. I want you to pick up your pencil and write your name in the journal on a blank page.”

Regina looked at Archie in surprise. Baby Emma couldn’t write her name. Regina had spelled it for her a few times, a prompt that happened during their reading sessions as Emma traced big words with her fingers. An E would pop out of a word, and Regina would tell her she had one in her name, would spell it for her, have her repeat it. But never had Baby Emma written any type of word before.

Emma was quiet and still for a long moment, until Archie said: “spell it for me.”

As Emma slowly and carefully spelled her name out loud, Regina found herself mouthing it along with her, and a proud smile came over her face as she did. Archie caught it, giving Regina a sideways grin before he asked Emma, “did you spell your name on the page?”

“Yes,” the quiet answer came, and Regina’s mouth opened in surprise. Had Baby Emma really just written her name? Or had she scribbled out a little picture that in her head was the equivalent? Children did that all the time before they could write.

“Good,” Archie said. “Now write just under it: I am Emma. Go ahead.”

Quiet again before he asked her if she had. When she affirmed, Archie followed up with, “now underneath ‘I am Emma’, I want you to write, ‘I am safe.’”

Regina looked at Archie again, knowing her face still showed surprise, and she whispered as quietly as she could, “Is she really writing?”

Archie just gave Regina a little smile and shrugged. He had apparently drawn the same conclusion she had: if Baby Emma couldn’t write, she was simply scribbling and in her head writing that she was safe.

“Now, I want you to pick up your journal and your pencil, and get up from the table.” A few moments later, Emma affirmed she had, and then Archie prompted her to walk out of the room and to the front door of the apartment. He told her to open it, and when she did, Baby P’s room would be on the other side.

Emma again described Baby P crying in his crib. Teddy Sebastian was on the floor, and Emma wanted to pick it up and give it to him. She heard a man’s voice, and her breathing picked up. But Archie made her ignore the bear. Made her ignore the voice and the crying. He instructed Emma to sit on the floor and open her journal. As she did, she started trembling, her voice as she described herself sitting sounding little and scared.

Regina thought she was going to scream with anxiety. She couldn’t watch this. She couldn’t just sit by and watch her baby shaking with fear. Even if Emma seemed to be keeping her terror at bay, even if she didn’t cry out or jump up again as if to break herself from the nightmare. It didn’t placate Regina’s instinct to put a stop to this right now and get Emma in her arms, rock away Emma’s growing terror.

_You coddle her…_

Archie’s voice cut through both women’s anxiety. “Take your pencil, and write ‘I am Emma. I am safe.’”

Emma’s shivering breath resounded through the room as she did what she was told, and Regina nearly jumped out of her skin as she felt a hand on her shoulder. She looked next to her to see Archie’s eyes studying her intently, giving her a reassuring look that said: she’s got this.

“I did it,” Emma said. “Can I go now?” a little whimper in those last words.

“Stay where you are. Write it again, Emma. Say it out loud this time. Go ahead. I…am…Emma…” he said with her. Emma’s voice was up several octaves in her fear, but Archie made her keep going. Regina clenched her hands together again to make sure she didn’t turn around and deck Archie in the goddamned face. This was torture. Her body was aching all over, she was sweating, her breast felt like it was on fire, and her whole spirit was being assaulted as she stood by helplessly watching this scene unfold.

Hearing Emma plead with Archie to run away from that place, but being told no. Being made to write the same thing over and over again despite being terrified, despite crying and trembling. Regina thought she was going to lose her sanity as she just stood by and allowed this.

But Archie kept having Emma repeat it. And the more time that went by, the more Emma spoke slowly as she wrote, the stronger her voice got. The octaves came back down, and Regina realized that the shaking behind every word lessened, until there was no break in her voice at all. Emma was becoming so focused on her task, Regina realized, that she wasn’t paying any attention to the crying baby or the yelling man. In fact, Regina didn’t think Emma even realized where she was. She just kept writing, just kept repeating _I am Emma. I am safe,_ until finally Archie told her to close her book and wake up.

Instead of bolting upright, Emma opened her eyes, letting out a little sigh. Regina watched her intently, seeing those eyes blink as the room around her came into focus, and then she slowly sat up. She turned to Regina, the look on her face bewildered as she shifted her gaze to Archie.

“Did…did you put me under?”

Regina couldn’t help it. Her entire body sighed in relief, and she leaned forward, hiding her face in her hands, and letting out a sob. She suddenly felt exhausted by the whole ordeal.

“Hey,” she heard Emma get up and walk over to her, felt Emma come and crouch down in front of her, put her hands on her thighs and rub to comfort her. “Hey. Babe?” She sounded confused.

“Give her a minute,” Regina heard Archie say. “I think that was harder for her than it was for you.”

“Why?” Emma asked. “What happened?”

Regina finally lifted her face from her hands, feeling the wetness on her cheeks, but she gave Emma a watery smile. “Welcome back,” she said, hearing the relief in her voice as she said it.

Emma took one look at her, and her expression darkened from confusion to concern. She put a hand to Regina’s cheek, and Regina knew then that whatever willpower had been keeping her going so far was rapidly dissipating.

“You’re sick,” Emma announced, realization clear in her eyes the moment she’d put her hand to Regina’s face. “What’s wrong?”

“I’ll give you two a minute,” Archie said, and Regina thankfully watched him calmly walk out of his own office. Thank god for Archie, Regina thought. He seemed to always know the right thing to do.

Once he closed the door behind him, Emma was all over her, brushing her tears away with a soft thumb, rubbing her arms as Regina shivered. “Babe, you’re burning up. What is going on?”

“I wanted to wait,” Regina said, feeling weak after so much anxiety leaving her. Now, she just felt exhausted, and the last thing she wanted to do was go to another doctor’s office. “Until after this to tell you.”

“Tell me what?” Emma’s voice was low.

“It’s okay, Em,” she tried to soothe, mimicking Emma’s gesture by placing her hand on Emma’s cheek. “It isn’t serious. It’s just an infection. It’ll be fine in a few days. But we have about forty-five minutes to get to my doctor. I made an appointment this morning.”

But Emma’s expression didn’t change. She looked about as dangerous as Regina imagined she looked like whenever she felt overly protective of Emma. She pressed her lips together before answering. “You’re not supposed to put yourself last. Remember? We’ve talked about this. You’re not supposed to suffer to protect me.”

“Emma, it literally just happened,” Regina argued, hearing how it sounded in her own ears: not a great excuse. But it was all she had. “I was fine until a couple of hours ago. I just wanted us to get through this first.”

“What’s the infection?” Emma asked, her demeanor not changing, and Regina knew she couldn’t put off telling her what was wrong now. She couldn’t ease the news out; Emma wouldn’t allow it.

Regina sighed in defeat, closing her eyes. She was so tired. “Mastitis. My breast…” she looked down to pull at her blouse, revealing how swollen and red it was.

Emma’s mouth fell open in shock as Regina revealed just the mound of her breast, and she was pulling herself up to rest her forehead against Regina’s. “Baby…” she whispered, holding Regina’s face with her hands. Regina nuzzled into them, sighing again. As unpleasant as she felt, this was worlds better than watching Emma shiver in fear while she sat helpless in the side.

Emma eventually pulled away and gently held her hands out. “Come on,” she said. “Let’s get you to the doctor.”

Archie didn’t make a huge fuss about them leaving. He simply nodded with a smile and told them to take care of themselves, telling Emma that he wanted to have a phone follow up with her the next day since this session was cut shorter than expected. Regina could see Emma barely paying attention as she led Regina out, but Regina made a mental note to make sure Emma did what was being asked of her.

Emma wouldn’t let her drive, so they left the bug in the parking lot, and took Regina’s car. She wasn’t used to sitting in the passenger’s seat of the Mercedes, but she barely noticed as she drifted in and out of sleep. She kept her eyes on Emma when she’d wake. Emma had her hand firmly pressed in Regina’s as she drove, her face set as if in deep thought.

“Are you angry with me?” Regina found herself asking.

To her relief, Emma snorted, looking amused. “I don’t know if I’ve ever been truly angry at you.”

Despite how miserable she felt, Regina found herself grinning at the answer. “Mildly annoyed?” she asked, and felt the hand pressed in hers squeeze.

“No. I’m worried,” Emma answered honestly, no humor in her tone this time. “You look like you’re in a lot of pain.”

“I’ll be fine,” she reassured, squeezing back. “This isn’t uncommon. The antibiotics will kick in, and everything will be alright.”

“That doesn’t mean I’m not allowed to worry,” Emma said.

“No,” Regina conceded, sighing. “It doesn’t. I’m sorry.”

Their visit was uncomfortable, but not surprising. The doctor spent all of five minutes with her to say she indeed had a case of mastitis in her left breast. She got annoyed when he told her she wasn’t allowed to breast feed from that side for ten days until the infection was completely gone, but Emma took that queue to step in between the two of them and thank the doctor for his sound advice. He never once asked about a baby, and whatever story he concocted in his head about the two women adopting and then Regina taking it upon herself to induce breastfeeding, or if he had every clue in the world what the real scenario was, he didn’t indicate either way. He simply gave them a referral to WIC and a lactation consultant that she had every intention of throwing out, and then sent them on their way.

It wasn’t a complete waist, as he gave her a stronger pain killer. It knocked Regina out, and she didn’t remember the drive home. She was awoken by Emma opening her car door and guiding her to the elevator and into their apartment.

She allowed Emma to sit her on the bed and help her get undressed. It was painful to move her left arm too much and cause tension on her breast, but she put on a brave face to not give herself away. As Emma knelt down to untie her boots, she said, “we should talk about what happened at Archie’s.”

Emma, busy with Regina’s boots, just shook her head. “Later. You need to rest.”

“But what if tonight…”

“Regina,” Emma looked up at her then, her expression as serious as a heart attack. “I want you to rest,” she said again. “I’ll call Zelena if it’ll make you feel better. She can come stay just in case. But right now, I don’t want you worrying about anything but getting well.”

She didn’t mean for it to happen, but tears sprung up in her eyes as she thought about Emma laying on that couch, shaking as she pleaded to feel safe. “It was just…you were so scared,” she whispered to not let her voice crack. It didn’t help.

Emma looked at her, full of concern, and then sat next to Regina on the bed and wrapped her arms around her. “Come here,” she whispered, and guided them both to lay down.

Regina found herself laying in Emma’s arms, letting go of the afternoon’s emotions. Maybe it was the fever that had her reacting so strongly. Or maybe she just couldn’t stand the thought of Emma so little and alone. Whatever it was, she let it out. Strong arms stayed wrapped around her. She sometimes forgot how strong Emma was. She was always so focused on protecting her.

She felt lips against her forehead, and her eyes closed as she sighed into it. As awful as the day had been, she was right where she wanted to be. And for the first time that day, she forgot about the appointment, and everything else. The next thing she knew, she was falling asleep in Emma’s arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who left me a comment this last week. Honestly, I've been flooded with love, and I can't tell you how much that keeps this story going. It always inspires me to write when I hear all of the amazing things you have to say. 
> 
> Hope everyone is doing well, and that you enjoyed the little shift in dynamic here. It's always nice to be reminded that this is a partnership before anything else.


	22. Painful Relief

Regina woke up to a dim light on, and before she even opened her eyes, she groaned in pain. Her whole body ached, her head hurt, and her breast felt like it was absolutely on fire. As she tried to turn over, she felt a presence next to her, and opened her eyes to find Emma sitting at the bedside, looking down at her.

“Em…” she whispered, hearing her voice crack. Her lips and throat were dry. But Emma just smiled at her and tucked a strand of Regina’s hair behind her ear.

“Hey,” she greeted kindly. “Come on, sit up,” she coaxed, getting her hands under Regina’s arms to help her.

Regina groaned again in pain, but Emma was patient with her, let her take her time. When she was finally sitting, Emma grabbed a water bottle off the bedside table, and twisted off the top. Handing it to Regina, she also grabbed several pill bottles and spilled a few of them in her palm. “Here,” she whispered. “These’ll help. And you need some food with your antibiotic.”

“Is it that time already?” she croaked out, thankfully taking a big gulp of the water as she downed the pills.

Emma gave a little chuckle. “You’ve been out for a few hours. I used the time to read the labels. This one,” she pointed to one of the bottles. “Needs to be taken every twelve hours, with food. Take them until they’re all gone in ten days. This one,” she pointed to the other, “you take every four to six hours depending on pain and fever. Food optional, but recommended. Also, vitamin C is good to take. And you let the milk out as often as possible. Also massage.”

The last part had Regina grimacing. The idea of massaging her tender breast sounded agonizing, and she had always disliked pumping to let out as much milk as she could. It was the necessary evil she frequented to keep milk for Emma during the day when she couldn’t nurse, but the idea of doing it when she was sick and vulnerable didn’t sound appealing in the least.

Emma didn’t comment on her obvious distaste of her suggestions. Instead, she picked up a plate with what looked like some sort of a sandwich off the bedside table, and put it on Regina’s lap. “I made you this. Best comfort food for when you’re sick.”

Regina eyed the sandwich, her mouth gaping open. Two unappetizing pieces of white wonder bread looked like they were being glued together with a slop of stickiness mixed with peanut butter. “Emma…what in the world is that?”

Emma had the audacity to look insulted. “It’s a Fluffernutter sandwich…haven’t you ever had a Fluffernutter before?”

Picking up one of the halves of the sandwich, Regina watched in horror as white goo dripped off the side and onto the plate. “A whater-whater?”

“Oh my god,” Emma laughed. “Regina…you may have grown up rich and with a family, but your parents robbed you of the finer things in life. Ruby, Mary Margaret and I used to make these all the time when we’d watch scary movies. Go on, try it.”

Regina brought the sandwich to her mouth and took a suspicious bite. The moment she bit down on it, she felt bile rise in her throat, and she spit it right back out onto the plate. Still, marshmallow stuck to her teeth like paste, and she smacked her lips, trying to rid herself of it. “Oh god…Emma!”

Emma looked completely unperturbed as she took the half sandwich out of Regina’s hand and shrugged as she bit down on it. “In my defense, it’s the only thing I know how to make next to Dino-bites, and you won’t let those in the house.”

“I don’t remember letting marshmallow fluff in the house either, but I assume you’ve kept a jar in your stash?”

Emma’s jaw froze mid-chew, and her eyes widened as she looked at Regina. “Stash?” she stammered.

Rolling her eyes, Regina smirked. “Yes, Emma. I am well aware that you have a stash of junk food in the house. More specifically, in the spare bedroom. In your desk. In the bottom drawer.”

“Oh,” Emma swallowed guiltily, looking down and blushing. “ _That_ stash…”

“Yes, _that_ stash,” she chuckled, ruffling Emma’s hair. “But it’s cute you thought you had a secret. Maybe you could pull off just making me regular toast?”

“On it!” Emma, looking particularly keen to redeem herself, jumped up and was out the door and down the hall. She was back in a few minutes with thankfully normal looking toast that had nothing more than a light spread of butter on top.

Emma sat next to her dutifully as she ate it slowly, giving Regina the water bottle in between bites. She wasn’t a bad Caregiver when she put her mind to it, Regina chuckled to herself. But she had very few moments of genuine amusement. The longer she was up, the more her breasts hurt with the pressure of them.

Emma noticed, giving Regina a sympathetic smile, and helped scoot Regina back against the headboard. “Here,” she guided once Regina finished her toast, and undid the button on Regina’s silk pajama shirt. She’d been so happy to be home and rid herself of her bra, which felt like torture against her offended breast. But they were heavy now, filled with milk, and she felt her eyes sting at the discomfort. Looking down, she saw her infected breast was still swollen and her skin still red.

Emma was as gentle as could be, carefully moving the silk garment away and cradling the mound of Regina’s breast. As she did, she picked up a small bottle on the bedside table. Regina recognized the smell of it right away. “Tea tree oil?” she asked as Emma poured a few drops of it in her hand.

“I’ve been reading. Tea tree oil will help with the swelling. And the pain. And it’ll make it easier to massage.” She rubbed it into her hands, but stopped to look Regina in the eye. “I won’t do it if you don’t want to. It’ll help, but if it’s too painful…”

“Emma,” Regina stopped her, putting a hand over hers and smiling. “It’s okay, baby.” As Emma gazed back at her, the look of care in her eyes melted Regina’s heart. She smiled, nodded. “Just be gentle? I’m very sore.”

“I will,” Emma whispered softly, putting her hands on Regina’s mound and beginning to simply rub them with gentle thumbs. As she did so, Regina’s breath hitched, but it was caught by lips pressed tenderly against hers. Regina reacted instantly, pressing back as she whimpered at the touch. But Emma giving her attention helped pull her own away from the pain. She clung to those lips.

“I’m sorry this is happening,” Emma murmured as she pulled just slightly away. “I never meant for you to be in pain.”

“This isn’t your fault,” Regina said quickly, her fears of Emma’s initial trepidation of nursing rising again.

Emma gave her a kind smile as she kissed her once more. “That’s not what I mean. But…I do feel a little responsible. The same way you feel responsible for me.”

The pain in Regina’s breast ebbed slightly, but now was accompanied by pressure, and she could feel that there was milk that needed to be released. The realization had her letting out another whimper, and Emma picked up on it.

As if she had just spoken a language Emma completely understood, her partner began to duck down, and she pressed her tongue gently against Regina’s nipple. She did nothing else. She simply stayed there, her lips brushing lightly against it. Regina felt Emma’s hot breath against her skin, and she whimpered again, sounding like a wounded animal.

“It’s okay,” Emma whispered against her skin. “I’m going to be gentle. You tell me if you can’t take it, okay?”

Emma’s fingers were pressing lightly into her tissue. Regina felt her milk dropping, felt it releasing, and felt the tears against her cheeks in a strange sensation of relief and pain all wrapped into one as Emma latched and gave a long, tender suck.

Regina felt her whole body shudder, and gave a sigh of painful relief, as if she’d been cut down from hanging by her arms for a whole day. Emma unlatched, and was trying to look up to check on her, but Regina grabbed her cheeks with both hands. “No! No…” she panted. “It feels…please…” She didn’t want to say it felt good, exactly. But it felt like she needed it. It felt like it would hurt a lot more if Emma stopped.

So Emma didn’t stop. She latched back on, so tenderly. She kept her hands on Emma’s face, and dipped down to touch her forehead to Emma’s head. She sighed so heavily that she moaned. The more Emma suckled, the more relief she felt, until she hardly felt any pain at all. Emma moved her palm all over the mound of her breast, lathering the tea tree oil in, giving Regina’s skin a much-needed cooling sensation. If there was such a feeling as painful perfection, this was it.

“Emma,” she shivered out. “Good girl…”

Emma’s thumb pressed just near where she was latched, massaging circles around Regina’s areola. Regina took a deep breath, her senses overloaded with the smell of Emma’s hair, and she found herself smiling against Emma. Slowly but surely, her milk gave out, until Emma finally unlatched. She pressed the slightest kiss to the mound of Regina’s breast, and murmured against it: “I’ll nurse every hour if that’s what it takes. You just tell me. I’m here.”

“My god,” Regina smiled as she forced Emma to rise and sit up next to her. “It’s like a dreamed you into existence.”

Emma sat next to her and gathered Regina in her arms, who happily curled into her partner. She found Emma’s arms wrap around her, felt her head being tucked under Emma’s chin, and the safety of the moment had her sighing against her lover. She let out a deep breath, and gave a mirthless laugh. “I really, really hope I never get mastitis again.”

Emma chuckled too, rubbing up and down Regina’s arm as she held her. She was quiet for a moment before she finally said cautiously: “there’s one way to make sure you don’t, you know?”

Stunned at the insinuation, Regina pulled herself away and forced their eyes to meet. “No,” she shook her head. “Absolutely not. Emma!”

Emma looked apologetic, giving one of her uncomfortable smiles, and a shrug. “I’m just saying. If you ever want to stop, I’d support that.”

“Do you want to stop?” she asked, feeling dread taking over her body, but at the same time, trying to embolden her spirit if the answer was not what she wanted to hear. Because if it was what Emma wanted, she would also need to be supportive.

To her immense relief, Emma was shaking her head. “That’s not what I’m saying. I don’t want to stop. But I wouldn’t want to continue either if you decided it wasn’t what you wanted to put your body through anymore.”

“Emma, I’ve never felt like I’m ‘putting my body through’ anything. I’ve never seen it that way. Baby,” she cupped Emma’s cheek, seeing a hint of tears beginning in Emma’s eyes. “I love nursing. You know that, don’t you?”

A smile formed on Emma’s face, the glow of her cheeks sending a shot of lust through Regina that she knew she was absolutely not up for, but couldn’t help the feeling anyway. “I do. And I love it too. I cherish it. I just want you to know…I cherish you more than anything. I’d do anything to keep you healthy.”

The words sent a wave of affection soaring through her. She rubbed Emma’s cheek with a thumb, smiling. “I love you so much.”

Emma smiled back and touched their foreheads together. “I kinda like you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a stupidly insane week, and there just wasn't any way for me to get a full chapter out this weekend, but I had at least something that I wanted to gift to you today. This is the first of a few holidays that aren't going to feel like any other time, so I figured even a small gift would be nice?
> 
> I'm going to try to get you all a full chapter next Sunday. Hope you all stay safe and healthy tonight!


	23. Little Family

_Two Months Before Disappearance_

If Zelena didn’t know any better, she’d think her front door had been the magical gateway into a circus, equipped with psychotic flying monkeys and all. The moment she crossed the threshold, a cacophony of screams and stamping feet murdered her ears, followed by the light laughter of a carefree child with the tone of an adult. Such untroubled existence coming from such a mature voice could only mean one thing: Baby Emma was here.

Regina must have had court, because clearly Ruby had been the latest taker on a Code Three.

Zelena had been able to duck out of the office a bit early that day, excited to catch a few hours with Ruby before her evening shift. Okay, excited was an overstatement. Maybe just mildly happy about it? Content?

Fucking, who cared? She wasn’t devastated to get to spend a few hours with Ruby before her evening shift.

A shot of love hit Zelena’s chest, overwhelming any thought of disappointment at not having Ruby to herself. The prospect of spending the afternoon with two of her favorite people filled her up.

“Is that my niece I hear?” she called from the entryway, and a rare moment of silence followed as she was sure Baby Emma and Ruby realized she was home.

“Auntie!!!” she heard Emma scream, and a slim adult body with the grace of a toddler came barreling out of the kitchen, where apparently she and Ruby had been baking.

She was tackled before she could put her purse down, and the contents of it went flying as Emma wrapped her arms around her.

“Oof!” she grunted, laughing as she caught Emma so they wouldn’t fall over. “My crazy girl! Hello Little Dove.”

“Auntie! Wuby and me made cookies!”

Said Ruby came out of the kitchen, crossing her arms over her chest and leaning against the wall with a big grin on her face. She had flour in her hair and on her nose, and Zelena realized then that Emma had faired much worse in the ingredients department, and was now getting it all over Zelena’s nice work clothes. She gave Ruby a dirty look, even though she was smiling. “Thanks for this, bitch,” she said the last part as quietly as she could, making sure her mouth shaped the word perfectly so Ruby would understand her.

Ruby, still smirking triumphantly, flipped her off as Emma was still much too busy greeting Zelena to pay any attention.

“What kind of cookies did you make, Dove?” Zelena asked as she pried Emma off of her, tucking a strand of wayward blonde hair behind Emma’s ear.

“Smickernoodle,” she slurred.

“Just because I like hearing her say that,” Ruby added from afar. “And I’ll tease her about it later.”

“Then where’d the chocolate come from?”

Ruby snorted. “She may have taken liberty with the ingredients.”

“I see that,” Zelena rolled her eyes as she finally took her coat off and made her way in the house, Emma padding behind her excitedly. “Mummy will be so happy. When’s she done?” she directed towards Ruby.

“An hour ago supposedly,” Ruby answered. “Dunno where she’s at. Probably got held up with paperwork.”

Zelena calculated they maybe had another hour before her sister made it to her door, in which time Emma needed to be cleaned up and wound down so Regina didn’t get the short end of the stick for the day. She hated leaving Baby Emma, though didn’t have a choice on days she had court, and the last thing she wanted was to come back to her cranky if she could help it. Zelena tried to honor this wish, for no other reason than she really didn’t want to hear Regina’s complaints.

Ruby, of course, was well aware of this, but had zero handle on Emma in general. While Zelena was at least able to play the Auntie card and get some authority involved to get Emma to do the things she wanted, Ruby was seen more as a playmate, and Emma didn’t much care to follow orders like having nap time or eating certain healthy foods. Zelena was sure that Ruby was Regina’s last pick in general.

Well, last next to August. Emma’s respect for August was equal to fuck all.

Poor August…

Ugh, wine time!

Walking towards the kitchen, Zelena stopped to brush the flour off Ruby’s nose with a thumb, and she licked it off. “Not so sweet,” she commented.

“Dull, just like me,” Ruby grinned, a playful glint in her eye that had Zelena wondering just how playful of a mood Ruby was in.

She didn’t have long to find out. “My shift got covered,” Ruby announced.

“Oh,” Zelena’s brow went up.

_Oh._

Tuesdays were typically meh for Zelena. But today was going to be a really good fucking Tuesday.

She entered the kitchen and laughed at the mess. “My god. An Emma bomb went off in here.”

“Auntie!” Emma called, coming in with a coloring book in her hands, wiping all kinds of chocolate and crumbs all over it. Emma herself didn’t look much better. Her face and shirt were covered in cookie ingredients, and Zelena had a sudden prick of apprehension about Regina’s reaction to having a very messy, very cranky Emma on her hands in about an hour. Because Emma was due to crash. Very soon. Suddenly her timing of making it home wasn’t working so well in her favor. Just her bloody luck to get home in time to be told off by her sister.

“Wuby gibbed me this,” Emma held the coloring book up.

Zelena was about to just say “that’s great, darling,” without much thought like anyone typically did to placate a child when they showed you something boring but amazing to them. However, she got a better look at it and saw that it wasn’t exactly a children’s coloring book. It wasn’t explicit, really, but it did have outlines of scantily clad adults in suggestive positions, making Zelena’s eyes pop.

Oh, this wasn’t going to end well.

“Rubes!” she scoffed, her jaw dropping. “What the bloody hell is that?”

Ruby shrugged, not seeming very perturbed by Zelena’s obvious incredulity. “They gave it to me for free at a…shop…I sometimes go to. Anyway, I checked it out. No private parts. She’s fine.”

Like fuck, Zelena thought. If Regina saw this book, she would lose her shit. Any type of suggestion of Baby Emma being exposed to anything inappropriate was not something Regina found amusing in the least, any more than a normal parent would. Normally, Zelena didn’t mind finding weak spots from her sister and poking at them, but when it came to Baby Emma? Yeah, you better have a 100 foot stick you’re poking with so that you had a decent head start. Shit got real with Regina when it came to her regressed partner. She was very protective over Emma’s one shot at a decent childhood.

“She doesn’t get it, Zee,” Ruby said as she read Zelena’s face, but just like Ruby, she didn’t get herself worked up over it. Typical fucking Ruby. “Goes totally over her head. I promise I checked. There’s nobody naked or anything. It’s just costumes. Huh, Em?”

Emma wasn’t listening. She was busy sitting herself down at the kitchen table and picking out a crayon to color the very high, high heels on a woman dressed in a skimpy 1940’s nurse outfit.

“Don’t let Regina see that when she gets here is all I’m saying,” she rolled her eyes as she grabbed the closest wine bottle she could find and poured herself a glass.

“Yes, Miss Five O’clock Somewhere,” Ruby mimicked her eye roll, and wet a paper towel, taking it to Emma’s face.

Emma fought her tooth and nail, making a squealing noise and shaking her head around to try and dodge the cleaning job. “Nah dirty!” she argued.

“Shyeah!” Ruby laughed. “Looked in the mirror lately, Em? Your mom will kill me if I hand you back like this.”

“Mama coming soon?” Emma asked as the last of the chocolate was wiped from her cheek.

“Pretty soon,” Ruby said. “I’ll text her.”

Zelena came to sit next to Emma at the table, watching her as she continued to scribble colors onto the page. She had no rhyme or reason to what she was doing, which Zelena knew drove the adult Emma completely apeshit. Zelena was trying to work on that, coach Emma into embracing her regressed self as much as she could.

Emma was a natural drawer, a raw talent that she had developed all her own, as no adults in her life bothered to recognize or nurture any such thing. It was the one thing Emma could lose herself in. What she didn’t seem to realize was that this talent hadn’t happened overnight. She’d clearly spent countless hours scribbling as a child before her hand grew steady, her eye sharper. The results of a little girl asked to leave the adults alone and go find something to do to be quiet.

“Emma,” she called the child in an adult’s body’s attention. “Ten more minutes, okay? Then we’ll get ready for a nap.”

Emma didn’t look up from what she was doing. “Nah tired,” she said, the argument as automatic as pushing a button on a robot. What toddler admitted energetic defeat?

“But what about me?” she gave Emma huge eyes, as if insinuating Emma should be more thoughtful of others. Fat chance. Children, especially toddlers, were clinical sociopaths. Getting them to see the world through anybody else’s eyes was damned near impossible. “Auntie’s been busy all day long, and now she’s tired and can’t possibly fall asleep without her Little Dove.”

Emma stopped coloring then, and looked up at her aunt, studying her face as if trying to gauge the credulity of this claim. Finally, she said, “Mama can read you a story?”

Well shit. That was cute.

Zelena’s face spread into a wide grin both at the sweet offer and the idea that her sister would ever in a million years have the patience to sit down and read her a story. “But Mama’s not here, so all I have is you.”

“Here in an hour,” Ruby announced, putting her phone in her pocket. “She says she’s sorry she’s running late, Em. She misses you.”

Emma looked to Ruby, and Zelena saw the first signs of sadness and unease, the kind that a child always gets when they realize that the most important person to them is indeed not there by their side where they should be. But kids also lived in the moment, so Zelena brought her back.

“There you have it,” she sighed. “It’s all up to you.”

Zelena had to hide her grin this time as Emma’s gaze turned to her, and Zelena saw the gears working overtime in her head. Was this a trick? Was Auntie serious? Emma had to be careful, she could see was the thought process: the wrong thing and she’d end up being the one to take a nap instead of Auntie.

“Mama’s talking wif the dudge,” she went with.

There. Perfect in between. This kid was sneaky.

“Judge,” Zelena corrected.

“Yup,” Emma nodded. “Dudge. I wanna show Mama,” she said, holding up the picture.

Zelena turned to see Ruby’s face turn white. Apparently, she hadn’t considered that giving Emma that coloring book meant she’d not be able to just hide it at their apartment.

Ha! The git. Zelena loved to see Ruby’s usual smirk wiped from her beautiful face.

“That’s a wonderful idea, Dove!” Zelena seized on this, giving Emma her widest smile and bright eyes at Ruby. “Ruby, won’t Emma’s mummy be so pleased with her picture?”

Ruby’s pale face reddened as she turned annoyed at Zelena, and Zelena thought she’d die satisfied as she got the better of her roommate.

“I hate you,” she grunted at Zelena.

Both Emma and Zelena gasped, Zelena trying to hold in her laugh, while Emma looked absolutely scandalized. “Not ‘possa say that!”

“Yes, Ruby. My god. We do _not_ say those words.”

Ruby narrowed her eyes at Zelena one more time before turning to Emma and smiling. “You’re right, Em. You know who I love more than anyone?” she asked with an air of mischief, holding out her fingers like claws.

Emma squealed, and was up and out of the chair, making Zelena clamor to keep her wine from toppling over. “No!” she screamed as she ran out of the kitchen.

“Yes!” Ruby called. “You!” and she was off. The amount of crashing Zelena heard coming from the living room had her shaking her head.

Christ. Zelena’s life was a lot of things. Boring wasn’t one of them.

Ruby did love Emma more than anyone, Zelena thought with a strange little knot tying itself in her stomach. That same place that she usually felt the floor beneath her goddamned feet pull right out from under her.

Every now and then, she was reminded. She was reminded of all that was at stake here. And it fucking scared her. It fucking scared her that she still was even contemplating taking the gamble…especially when she knew how badly she was able to fuck it all up.

She swallowed down the rest of her glass of wine.

Ruby and Emma’s romp lasted long enough to wind Emma to the point of falling over on the couch, where she stayed as she tried to catch her breath, giving Zelena enough room to sit and gather Emma in her arms. Emma giggled lazily as Zelena shushed her. “Did Ruby get you, my Little Dove?” she whispered.

“Uh huh,” Emma mumbled, her bones becoming putty against Zelena’s body. Good. Her sister may not murder them both for letting Emma eat an entire batch of cookies after all. Not if she got a decent nap in.

Out of the corner of her eye, Zelena watched Ruby take off her flour and sugar ridden shirt to throw it in the laundry room, causing a small swoop of her stomach again. She squeezed Emma tighter to ground herself, and shushed in her ear.

Ruby must have noticed. She took her time sauntering out of the room to throw her shirt in the laundry, and again as she came back out to go find another. Pretending she wasn’t watching, Zelena gave Emma a kiss as she heard the sleepy question: “Where’s Mama?”

“She’ll be here soon, Dove,” she answered quietly as Emma brought a thumb to her mouth and began to suck.

Regina didn’t like Emma sucking her thumb or fingers, but Zelena wasn’t much of a stickler for that sort of thing. And while her sister had the capacity to get Emma to sleep any way she put her mind to, Zelena was lucky to get the kid to pass out in the absence of her substitute mother. She wasn’t about to interrupt Emma nearly passing out to go and find a pacifier.

Besides, Ruby was the one who would get on the shit list today. All those cookies. And that damned coloring book…

Zelena started as she felt a hand on her shoulder. She’d been thinking. Paying attention to Emma’s eyes growing heavier. Whispering nonsense to make her go to sleep. That hand sent her flying out that airplane and into the sky.

Why did she let herself get so affected?

Ruby was looking down at them both with an expression Zelena couldn’t read. It wasn’t easy to read Ruby anyway. But this look…it was raw. Like an exposed nerve out on display. And Zelena didn’t know if it was for her, or Emma, or maybe both. Emma was a sure way to Ruby’s heart. They were practically sisters. It hadn’t been easy for Ruby when she’d first met Baby Emma. She’d come home dazed and green like she’d been sick.

“What the bloody hell happened to you?” Zelena had asked.

Ruby, her expression far away, her voice mystified, had simply said: “she didn’t know me.” Like it haunted her. Like the thought of being erased from Emma’s mind was too horrific to take.

Now, Emma knew her. And loved her. Thought she was the best damned toy on the planet. And Ruby, well she clearly loved Emma right back.

She’d managed to get out from under Emma and let her nap on her own, limbs dangling off the couch.

“She’s goddamned knackered,” Zelena commented. “You killed her.”

“She was in a mood when she got here,” Ruby shrugged, opening the fridge to apparently grab herself something that wasn’t pure sugar. “Really doesn’t like being separated from Regina. I had to distract her.”

“Can’t blame her,” Zelena said as she filled her glass back up with more wine. “This little one still remembers the system. And she finally found somebody to call Mummy. I think she has more separation anxiety than most little kids. She’s worried Regina won’t ever come back.”

Ruby was quiet, sitting with that piece as she started in on some yogurt. “You know, when we were kids, she never said anything like that,” she said thoughtfully. “Never ‘I wish I had parents’ or ‘I want to go on family vacations too’. Not even ‘I wish I didn’t move so much’ or anything. I guess by then…she’d given up.”

Zelena watched Ruby sit with what she’d just said, eating the rest of her yogurt in silence.

Regina showed up in the hour she’d promised, a little breathless like she always was, as if she’d ran all the way to their place to get to her toddler. Zelena wouldn’t put it passed her. If Emma was a Mummy’s girl, Regina was a helicopter parent.

“Sorry I’m late,” she huffed, coming into the apartment and seeing Emma nearly right away, eyes zeroing in on the sprawled out blonde on the couch. Her shoulders slumped, and Zelena didn’t know if she was relieved that Emma got some sleep or disappointed that Emma would probably wake up normal, and she yet again wouldn’t be able to see Baby Emma and relieve that stress after dropping her off with somebody else.

Either way, that adoring smile came over her, the one that both melted Zelena’s heart and made her want to puke at the same time. Christ, her sister was in love. Which she couldn’t be happier about. Regina hadn’t had it easy with love, and she’d finally found her person. But Zelena was also well aware that if she were watching this with anybody else that she had no emotional investment in, it would be absolutely vomit inducing.

Regina ignored both her and Ruby, her world filling up with her partner, and knelt down to run her hands through Emma’s hair. “Hello,” she called softly.

“She’s been out for about forty-five,” Ruby said, stuffing her hands in her pockets. “We made cookies.”

Regina rolled her eyes and gave Ruby an annoyed smile. “How many did she eat?”

“Errrmm…”

Regina just chuckled as Emma stirred, blinking up blearily. “R’gina?”

Her sister’s smile widened. “Hello, sweetheart.”

Emma sat up and looked around, that classic expression of bewilderment before the lightbulb of comprehension could be seen going off in her head, and she groaned as she flopped herself back down. “God damnit,” she grumbled.

Zelena imagined that would be disorienting: to go to sleep in your own bed and then wake up somewhere completely different, not having any clue how you got there.

Well, if she’d passed out sober, that would certainly be disorienting, she mused.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought maybe a little escapism would be appreciated.  
> <3<3<3


	24. Questions

Zelena always hated this part. Laying there, waiting to fall asleep so she didn’t have to make small talk with whoever her latest shag was. Even with August, it had been awkward. Because what did you talk about after having your brains fucked out anyway? The climax of what you wanted out of the person was done. The conquest was over. You didn’t have to continue talking somebody up or say something to impress them. They’d already taken you, yeah? What the hell was the point after that? What could possibly be said or done to top the previous act?

But Ruby…Ruby was different. After all their particularly spectacular shags, she still felt that there was something more to be had. Like she was thirsty beyond recognition, and Ruby held the key to quenching it. Always thirsty for more with Ruby.

And also, it was easier. Easier than it ever had been. Everyone else, she always felt like squeezing juice out of rock to keep conversations going. Not with Ruby.

Ruby, for start, never allowed Zelena to just roll over and close her eyes and pretend to go to sleep. Ruby held her, traced lines in between her freckles like Zelena’s skin were a game of connect the dots. She asked Zelena what she was thinking about, and even when Zelena’s answer was “absolutely fuck all”, she took it as the truth.

It still felt weird, laying there intimately afterwards, but that wasn’t Ruby’s doing. That was Zelena’s. The absolute alien way that it felt to lay there in comfortable silence. Ruby at least never made it awkward. Zelena didn’t feel like it was strange because of anything other than her own stupid mind reeling.

Her sister had picked up a very miffed Emma, who apparently had more than enough to do on a Tuesday morning than hang out with her and Ruby making cookies. The rest of the afternoon had been spend watching those shit movies Ruby insisted on and downing half of the wine in the fridge. Zelena liked her red blends cold. Ruby hadn’t drank. Not until the last movie, and she had one beer. She nursed it. Zelena tried not to notice.

But she noticed.

“I think you fucked the liquor out of my blood,” Zelena chuckled as she tried to sit up.

But Ruby wasn’t having that. She grabbed onto Zelena’s arm and pulled her down until their bodies were flush against each other again, making Zelena laugh as she held on tightly like she wasn’t going to let Zelena go.

“Mission accomplished then,” Ruby commented, wrapping her legs around Zelena’s, making the bed claustrophobic all of a sudden, and she tried to squirm away.

“You’re smothering me,” Zelena laughed, hitting Ruby in the arm. “Get off, asshole.”

Ruby let go with that low chuckle and grabbed her unfinished beer off her bedside table. “Speaking of smothering,” she took a swig from the bottle. “You ignored August’s phone calls earlier.”

Oh Christ. Ruby wanted to talk about August? _Now_?

It happened slowly but surely: the more Ruby infiltrated Zelena’s mind, the more aggravated she was becoming with August. And it wasn’t anything he was doing. Well, it wasn’t anything he hadn’t already been doing. It was just that the things about him that didn’t annoy her before? They were annoying the bloody shite out of her now!

Who scolded a grown woman about having another drink with dinner? What man always had her choose which movie they were going to see? When did him sending jabs Emma’s way start to really crawl under her skin? Or how about that sneer he got when he won at a board game during family dinner night? Jesus, had she really just begun noticing these things?

And he was starting to notice her noticing. As she pulled away, his calls became more frequent. Like a little lost puppy. And the time they spent together was now in more awkward silence as he rolled his eyes over a little thing she did or she barked at him for just being around.

It wasn’t working anymore. But neither seemed to be able to call it quits.

And that pissed her off. Because there wasn’t even anything to call quits! She wasn’t his girlfriend! For all she knew, August was out screwing any girl he came across, and she could care less. In fact, she knew earlier on that he had been doing just that. He’d tried to mention it once. Ask if that was something he shouldn’t do. She had snickered and said: “Auggie, I could honestly care less what you do when you walk out my front door.”

She wasn’t sure if that had stung him or not. In one way, it gave him freedom. But to say she didn’t care at all?

She grunted a response Ruby’s way, causing Ruby to give a little shrug. “Poor bastard,” she mumbled, and for whatever reason, that got under Zelena’s skin. Because she didn’t want to talk about August post sex with Ruby. Who the hell would?

“Christ,” she huffed. “Thanks for that buzz kill.”

As she was getting up, practically stomping ass naked towards the door to go to her own room, she heard Ruby chuckle behind her. “Get over here,” Ruby said, sounding genuinely amused, and that didn’t help Zelena’s suddenly soured mood. The nerve!

She whirled around and glared Ruby’s way. “I’m getting another drink,” she made up on the fly, because she’d be damned if she was going to let Ruby call her out on a temper tantrum. It was also a challenge to see if Ruby would scold her for drinking so much. Like August did. She didn’t need another August in her life.

She needed more Ruby…

But Ruby’s face just gave away more genuine amusement as she nodded to the bedside table. “You have a full beer here. Come back here. I’ll eat you out.”

There probably wasn’t another thing Ruby could have said to make her laugh, but she’d succeeded. Zelena scoffed in amused surprise and turned back around to get on the bed. “Gimme,” she said, holding her hand out for Ruby to give her the beer.

Ruby did so, and they drank in silence for a moment before Zelena stated: “I couldn’t help but notice your face isn’t between my legs.”

Ruby laughed, propping her leg up to rest her beer on her knee, giving a clear indication that she was happy right where she was. “You should know by now I don’t give much away for free, Doctor.”

“Free!?” Zelena balked, shoulders slumping. “I thought we had a deal.”

“Well,” Ruby said, completely unperturbed by Zelena’s irritation. “That’s your first mistake. I said I’d eat you out. I didn’t say what came first.”

Zelena felt an unexpected pleasant buzz soar through her at the prospect of possibly being made to beg, but it fizzled out quickly as she thought about what had prompted her to get up in the first place, and she said quietly, “you’re a pain in my ass.”

Ruby just shrugged. “And you forget. You may have a PhD in helping people who want to talk, but I’ve got one in people who don’t. Emma’s been my best friend a long, long time.”

That statement had Zelena shot down as she remembered the tie she had to Ruby here. How intertwined their lives really were, like a Cat’s Cradle, tangled around one another. So many connections binding them all together. And that fear came over her again. She couldn’t fuck this up. She couldn’t. She should get away.

She didn’t want it to get away.

“And she knew,” Ruby continued, as if she couldn’t hear the screaming siren in Zelena’s head. “you don’t want to talk, fine. But you don’t just get to walk away from me. You’re at least going to tell me that you don’t want to talk. And you’re going to tell me why. So,” she took another drink from her beer, so nonchalantly, as if the two of them had been talking about the goddamned weather. “You wanna tell me what’s got you so hot and bothered by the mere mention of August, or do you want to say why not and call it a night?”

Zelena could feel it: the four corners of her mind becoming fuzzy, sanded down to rounded walls instead of jagged edges, and the sharpness of her tongue trailing behind. Only Ruby had this effect on her. Well, Ruby and a lot of booze. But who was she kidding? She hadn’t had nearly enough to have that effect. Not yet.

In fact, lately, she’d found herself not wanting to fill herself up to her back teeth. She wanted the recorder working, always diligent, always seeing, remembering. Remember the flash of that toothy grin that screamed Ruby’s namesake: wolf. The flicker of those grey eyes when she regarded Zelena with a look that was as intuitive as if she’d just read Zelena’s mind. Zelena didn’t want these moments to fade, or even to ruin their true potential by fueling them with alcohol.

She wanted Ruby. Just Ruby. There. Now. The fragments of her mind glued back together in her rare states of sobriety so that she could see just Ruby.

And that scared the shit out of Zelena. More than anything, what frightened her most of all about this little thing, whatever the hell this thing was, was that Ruby was making her want to change. Making her want to be a better person. Or a sober person, at least. And who the hell was she then? She didn’t know. She hadn’t been since she was a kid.

She found herself handing her beer over, and without looking at Ruby, said, “put that on the table for me, will you?”

She could practically feel Ruby’s eyebrows lift up, but she still didn’t look. Silence for a moment, then: “nobody’s asking you to commit to anything, Zee.”

“Oh Christ,” Zelena spat, feeling her temper soaring out of nowhere. Or maybe out of the very fright she’d been drowning in a moment ago. Why did everybody do this? Why couldn’t they just keep it even keel, let her be? And why, of all people, did she not want Ruby to even let it be? She didn’t get angry or scared when August asked her difficult questions. She just laughed it off, made a joke, changed the subject. She snarked at her sister, but Regina was so tight lipped around her, that she was usually the one goading anything out of Regina, not the other way around. It hardly ever was the other way around. Regina was too mixed up in her own shit, didn’t have time.

Why was Ruby finding time? What the hell did she think was so special? Didn’t she know? Didn’t she know Zelena was just going to fuck it all up?

Still, she got up, stormed around the bed to find her pants. “Why the hell is anybody asking anything of me at all!? Why can’t you just bloody well leave it alone?” she raged, huffing as she hopped to get her legs in, knowing she looked ridiculous and didn’t care.

Ruby didn’t laugh.

Zelena yelped as she felt her body flung against the wall, her legs faltered as they fell out of her pants, but she didn’t fall. Ruby’s upper body strength was well toned, and she used it then, pressing Zelena up against the drywall.

“Uh, uh,” Ruby said, all sympathy and joviality gone now, staring Zelena down with those gun grey eyes. They looked dangerous. “You don’t get to walk out on me like that. You don’t get to put the guards up and shut me out.”

“Asshole!” Zelena spat, though she regretted it right away. Even though she knew Ruby wouldn’t take it personally, even though Ruby knew she didn’t mean it. And regardless of her body being pressed against the wall, Zelena could feel that she could get away easily, that Ruby wasn’t using any real force.

But she didn’t make a move to get out of it.

“You want me to leave you alone? Is that what you really want?” Ruby’s eyes were like fire, despite their usual cool color, and Zelena could see they see right goddamned through her with that stare.

The question put the fire out almost instantly. Quenched it in one blow. Zelena felt her whole body sigh, and though her eyes began to sting, she held it back. She doubted that Ruby missed the way they shined though.

“I didn’t want to talk about August, you fucking idiot,” she said in such a way that she may have well said she loved Zelena. It was that soft, that sweet. That soul-shattering. “I wanted to talk about _you_.”

And the usual splurge of flailing hands started as Zelena began slapping Ruby away, and Ruby warded off the attacks by trying to capture those offending arms. All the while, Zelena was seething in between gritted teeth, “you…are…such…an…arshole!”

But Ruby wasn’t the least bit deterred. She even started to smile as she rushed to ward off Zelena smacking her too hard in the face. “The safe word is Temper Tantrum,” she teased, making Zelena’s blood boil up to the surface.

“That’s two words, you illiterate twat!”

“That hurts, Doctor,” Ruby quipped, finally grabbing Zelena around the waist and nearly tossing her back over to the bed, where she wasted no time putting her head in between Zelena’s legs and capturing her sex in her mouth.

Zelena gasped as she threw her head back. “Fucking…Christ! Right there.”

Ruby’s arms wrapped around Zelena’s already shaking thighs, her gritted teeth beginning to hurt her jaw. Meanwhile, Ruby licked Zelena’s slit before breathing out, “we should really psychoanalyze why anger turns you on so much.”

“Shut up,” Zelena gasped as her clit was capture between Ruby’s tender teeth. “And just do what you promised. Ah!”

She jumped as Ruby’s hand gave her butt a sharp sting of a slap, and she growled as she climbed up Zelena’s body, capturing a handful of Zelena’s hair and pulling it just enough to make Zelena’s neck shift back. “Keep talking to me that way,” Ruby said casually, as if she was telling Zelena what they were having for dinner. “And I’ll spank your ass until it’s too goddamned raw to sit.” As she finished these last words, she dipped her head to sink her teeth into Zelena’s neck, putting just enough pressure to earn a gasp.

“I’ll fucking murder you,” Zelena threatened.

“You’re already murdering me,” Ruby murmured as she traveled back down Zelena’s body. Her lips found Zelena’s clit and wrapped around it. She sucked as her tongue lapped over it, making Zelena’s whole body shudder with pleasure. Too quickly, she let go. “You’re fucking killing me. Being a bitch all the time, thinking you’ll push me away…”

Zelena was struck dumb by the bluntness of that remark, covering her eyes in the bend of her elbow as Ruby’s tongue found its way back in between her folds and pushed inside. God damn…

God _damn!_

Ruby’s tongue pulled out and darted back in, firm and soft, licking at Zelena’s walls in a way she didn’t realize could even be done. She was nearly forty now. Why was Ruby the first for so many things?

Ruby licked the spongy flesh just inside the ring of Zelena’s tight opening, and then husked against her lips, almost as if whispering to herself: “you won’t get rid of me that easily…” before she wrapped her lips around Zelena’s clit and sucked.

“Oh!” Zelena’s shoulders nearly shot off the bed as she reached down and grabbed Ruby’s face, holding her in place, sure that Ruby leaving would fucking eliminate any chance she would have at happiness.

She didn’t have to try. Ruby didn’t leave. She was encircling Zelena’s clit with her lips, rolling her tongue over it, sending waves of unbearably intense pleasure through Zelena’s core. Zelena thought she’d hit her maximum pleasure load until she felt fingers enter her and hook against her g-spot, massaging the walls forcefully.

“Sweet Christ,” Zelena threw her head back, shoulders smacking back against the mattress, hands running through her sweaty hair. What had she been pissed off about again?

Who the hell cared? Ruby was making her fly, grabbing hold of her cunt with possessive fingers, the other hand coming up and taking a breast in a nearly painful grip.

Zelena slapped at the hand. “Fuck off, asshole,” she breathed out, putting her focus back between her own legs as quickly as she could. She was trying to ride the pleasure train until she came undone, and she wasn’t far from achieving it.

But of course, Ruby wasn’t going to let that little thing slide. The hand that had been on her breast came down on her ass and smacked. Hard. Zelena jumped and let out a howl, but Ruby’s fingers just clawed into her flesh there, holding her raw cheek firmly as her lips released Zelena’s clit.

With her fingers still hooked deeply in Zelena’s cunt, her walls clutching them to make sure they didn’t go away, Ruby trailed up her body. The hand that had come down on her butt came around her neck, and she squeezed as she bit Zelena’s lip. “You want to be a brat?” she husked as Zelena’s breath caught in her throat. The tenor in Ruby’s voice sent a jolt of dark excitement through Zelena. The warning, the anger just bubbling on the surface, the conviction that she would take Zelena, wouldn’t let her get away with all this shit…it was sexy as all hell. “I’ll treat you like a brat,” she said, pressing down on Zelena’s throat once more before letting go and finding the crumpled sheets to the side of them. She grabbed a handful and stuffed it in Zelena’s mouth.

Zelena let out an offended “Hey!” that was completely muffled by the sheets between her teeth. She was too surprised to try to yank them out, but the moment she got the idea to do so, Ruby captured her wrists and masterfully flung them above her head, pressing down on them firmly with her free hand, the other still very much clenched by Zelena’s walls.

Zelena felt her belly alight with something like bliss. She was completely imprisoned, at the mercy of that grin that shone down on her, telling her she was taken, she was possessed. And that thrilled her to no end. She was done being shocked by these revelations. Ruby had managed to surprise her over and over with things she had no idea would turn her on, but Zelena had began to take these surprises in stride. Apparently, she was a real freak when it came to sex. And that suited her just fine.

“You wanna tap out, just elbow me in the stomach,” Ruby grinned down at her.

Zelena did the only thing she could do, which was narrow her eyes at Ruby and hope that it looked dangerous enough to try and level the playing field at the mere insinuation that she was pussy enough to tap out. But of course, Ruby just found this amusing. That always left Zelena with a mixed bag of emotions. She loved that Ruby was enjoying herself, she couldn’t believe that anything she did even remotely made Ruby happy or engaged. But that spark in her of not wanting to be beaten, or at least not go down without a fight always reared its head. It had taken her a while to figure out that only made it better for Ruby.

So she pushed. She always fucking pushed. And Ruby, she relished it.

Relished it enough now to dip her fingers deep into Zelena’s center and begin fucking her with abandon. Zelena’s hips came off the mattress and her legs wrapped around Ruby’s waist, holding her in place. She was almost happy she had the sheets in between her teeth; she was quite sure the noises she was making would go beyond wounding her pride.

It didn’t matter. Her body was speaking for her. She met Ruby halfway, bucking against that expert hand, toes curled against Ruby’s back, head thrashing until Ruby grounded her by capturing her neck in between her teeth. She nipped a trail up to Zelena’s ear until she was moaning into it. “You can act any way you want. I’ll fuck it out of you. Every. Time.”

Jesus Christ. Zelena’s peek crept up at an alarmingly rapid pace. When it hit her, Ruby released her wrists, and she threw her arms around those strong shoulders, nearly smashing their foreheads together, skin on skin as she released against Ruby’s unrelenting fingers.

“Zee…” Ruby murmured, holding Zelena close as Zelena bucked helplessly against her. She allowed herself these few moments of weakness, allowed herself to let go just to feel the intensity of her orgasm wrap around her in all its strength.

And Ruby just held her. Supported her. Like she was something precious. Like she was something to be treasured.

It almost ruined her peeks when she thought about it that way. Because nothing was more scary than that revelation. But Zelena was started to let that voice shut its goddamned gob so she could just press up against Ruby and allow the feeling to overtake her.

***

Zelena would have given up anything, everything, if it meant she didn’t have an alcohol problem. Because at that very moment, laying there in her cold, solitary bed, remembering what she’d almost had and taken for granted, nothing would have given her more pleasure than to drink herself into oblivion and not suffer consequences because of it.

To turn the clock back to zero on that insufferable thirty day token they keep yammering on about in her meetings, to admit she was so weak to her sister and that she couldn’t do it alone to August all sounded so bloody miserable.

More miserable than laying there and thinking about Ruby. Remember her touch, and the way she used to make Zelena feel. Would she ever be able to touch Ruby again? Would she ever see that smile creep up on her lips, those eyes shine down at her with amusement and lust? Would she ever be able to be as open with anyone with as much ease as Ruby always made it feel?

Like flowing water, Ruby introduced those hard conversations, shrugging them off as nothing compared to what they felt like in Zelena’s head. In the way Zelena wished she was able to do to get her clients to open up.

Ruby wouldn’t have made a bad therapist.

Ruby might not ever be anything ever again.

The despair of that thought caught her breath in her throat.

None of this would be happening if she hadn’t run. If she’d just stayed. If she hadn’t ducked out on Ruby in that moment that it had really mattered. But she’d run because she was so worried about fucking it up. And now, she’d fucked it up worse than anything she’d ever done in her life.

It was inevitable. She was a walking disaster…

Why even bother with hope?

She lay on her bed, fighting that terrible aching in her heart, until a decent distraction came. Her text message alert went off and she read:

**Little Dove: Hi, can you come over? Regina’s sick and she’d like you to come watch me.**

Perking up just a little, she texted back: **What kind of sick?**

**Little Dove: So I’m gunna let her tell you that because…well just because.**

Interest peeked, Zelena managed to wipe her eyes and try to gain her composure as she sat up. Walking into the bathroom, she heard her phone go off again.

 **Little Dove: Scratch that. She said she’d rather me just tell you now because she quote ‘doesn’t want to hear it from you later’. She’s got a boob infection. My fault**.

Oh, that was rich, Zelena thought as she found her face splitting open with laughter. Her sister thought she was not going to hear about that later. Like, for the rest of her life later.

**Zelena: Way to go, you little blood-sucker. I’ll be over in a few.**

As far as distractions went, this was a good one. Besides, Zelena figured she was two ticks away from heading to the liquor store for some emergency supplies. Going to her sister’s was probably a very, very good idea.

***

Despite the infection, to say Emma and Regina had had one of the busiest weeks of their lives would be an understatement. While she was able to stay home Tuesday, Regina had random court cases the rest of the week. She was in and out of the office, meanwhile trying to pump whenever Emma wasn’t around, and essentially dealing with being in pain or uncomfortable until about Thursday when most of her symptoms had finally subsided.

Emma was diligent with her. She gave Regina her medicine every morning and night with a big glass of water and plenty of “comfort food” that thankfully Emma didn’t make herself, consisting of pastries that she picked up fresh every day from one of Regina’s favorite bakeries, and any type of takeout Regina’s heart desired. In between these times, she brought Regina lunch in the office when she could, but Emma had been spending the majority of her time at the police station going over as much of her information on Ruby and Lilith Page as she could to make them put in their case records. In between that, she had been concluding her gambler case and several other infidelity cases. But in between her bouncing around town, she did the little things for Regina so that Regina didn’t need to worry about anything other than work and going home.

Aside from that, Mary Margaret was starting to have contractions, and they were on call for the baby being born at any moment. For the most part, Emma was playing counselor to David, who would call her in panic every five minutes with Mary Margaret laughing and apologizing to Emma in the background. “He’s so not ready for this, Em!” she called one time. “You’ll have to call him an ambulance while I drive myself to the hospital!”

Zelena, for her part, thought all of this was incredibly funny, particularly the bit where Regina had an infection from breastfeeding. Still, despite her teasing, Regina had to thank her sister, because Zelena came by in the evenings to check on them both, and kept herself on call should anything happen with Emma in the middle of the night. Emma had tried to get Regina to not worry about it so much, but she couldn’t help it. Though her fever broke by Tuesday evening, her anxiety for her partner didn’t ebb.

But Emma had taken care of that too, much to Regina’s relief. She called Archie that very next day after their appointment, and the two of them had a long conversation. It was decided she was to go in every few days for sessions until Archie felt that they had made some progress.

When Emma explained to Regina that she had taken initiative to work out the hypnosis session with Archie, Regina had been nearly speechless at her initiative.

“Impressed?” Emma danced her eyebrows up and down.

“I’m…happy. It’s an improvement from you sweeping it all under the rug.”

Emma gave a little sheepish smile, and shrugged. “I guess I have you to thank for that.”

“Why?” Regina had asked, surprised.

“You were so upset,” Emma shrugged again, turning a little pink at the memory. “I just want us to work through it. I don’t want you hurting because of me.”

“That’s what a partnership is, Emma.”

“I know. I know my problems are yours and yours are mine. But what kind of partner would I be if I didn’t try to work on the ones that effect you so much? If there’s a way to work it out. I don’t know if there is. Archie doesn’t know either. But I’ve got to try. If he thinks that the hypnosis will help and we should do it frequently…I’m on board.”

And so it was decreed that they would meet with Archie twice a week from then on, having sessions where Emma would be put under and made to do exercises like they had before. Regina talked to Archie as well, and he offered to help her, not just let her be a standby in Emma’s sessions. She’d been surprised when he suggested it, but she could hear Archie’s kind smile through the phone. “I think you’re very good at projecting your self-care onto the ones you love. And while that’s admirable, I think you also need to be reminded when it’s your turn. So let’s make sure we focus on Regina too.”

“He’s not wrong,” Zelena had shrugged. “I can’t blame you, Bun, but you really are very protective of her. You get yourself worked up, and right now this process is going to be hard. On both of you. It won’t help you to not work through your anxiety, but it really won’t help Emma.”

That was enough for Regina. She swallowed her pride and followed everyone’s advice.

It wasn’t the only surprise for the week. The realtor had called Regina back to let her know that their offer on the house had been accepted.

Regina waited until Thursday night when she felt better and Emma didn’t have her head so wrapped up in making sure she spoiled Regina. As they sat down to a dinner that Emma had had delivered, she let Emma know.

Emma looked up from her meal, eyes wide as a smile came across her face. “You get your dream house,” she stated, and Regina couldn’t help but find that so adorable: that Emma’s first response to such a big move in her own life was how great it was going to be for Regina.

She smiled. “We have sixty days to move. It’s a lot of work.”

Emma’s eyes darted around the apartment, and she sat back with a sigh. Regina cocked her head to the side. “What is it?”

Emma just shrugged. “This place. I guess it holds a special place in my heart.”

That was true. So many firsts had happened for Emma here. For Regina too, if she were honest. She’d had many casual partners, but she’d never shared anything quite like what she had with Emma with anyone else. This had been their home together for even far longer than when Emma had officially moved in, their sanctuary while they were figuring out their relationship and molding their dynamic.

“You’ll miss it,” Regina said. Not a question, a statement, because she couldn’t say she didn’t feel the same.

Emma smiled. “I will. But I’m excited. No regrets.”

Thursday night Regina was feeling much better, and they had a big Friday ahead of them. After work, Emma and Regina were due in Archie’s office, and then they needed to get ready for a night at The Dungeon, where Emma, Will, and Anna had put forth a plan to try and get more information out of Philip and Aurora. Emma had called Killian and told him to stay home. Apparently, he was making too many waves, and Emma needed their friends to be off guard that night.

They went to bed early, though it wasn’t easy putting Emma down. She’d fussed as Regina had managed to get through more of their chapter book than she usually would have read, because Emma was simply too keyed up for the following day to fall asleep. She kept trying to change mindsets, asking Regina if there was anything else she needed, but by then Regina’s infection was almost gone, and she took Emma’s excuses in stride until she finally got her Little One to sleep.

That night, Regina woke slowly, thinking maybe she was in a dream. Strange rustling and a whimpering noise were sounding from, at first, far away, until she began to gain more and more consciousness. As she did, she realized Emma was moving slowly in her sleep, making these strange but familiar little noises. It took a moment for Regina to realize what it was. It didn’t happen very often, because she and Emma were so active that rarely did they have any dry spells. But when there had been dry spells, these little wet dreams of Emma’s had reared their heads. And they were so damned preciously cute that Regina couldn’t help but watch before finally waking Emma up and putting her out of her misery.

She sat up and peered down at Emma. Wrapped in her blankets, clutching her pillow hard, hips pivoting down against the mattress to gain friction, Emma whimpered in her sleep, a little plea that sounded just barely like Regina’s name against her lips. She was begging to be touched, and it was clear she wasn’t getting what she needed from Dream Regina.

Regina knelt and leaned her body weight against Emma’s back, her hand smoothing over the rump that was Emma’s bottom. Placing her lips just over the shell of Emma’s ear, she whispered to her.

“Emma…my darling. Mama’s here.”

She felt the padding of the diaper, dry save for a bit of sweat from Emma’s ministrations. Wrapping her arm around Emma’s waist, Regina rubbed against the padding in between Emma’s legs.

“R…gina…” came the choked moan, still dreamy, laying on her stomach and clutching her knuckles as she humped into the mattress.

“I’m here,” she murmured against Emma’s ear again. “Wake up, Little One. I’m right here.”

Emma’s eyes began to blink open, bleary and searching, face red with exertion. When she seemed to gain all her consciousness, she looked to see Regina over her, watching her, she went even redder. “Regina,” she whimpered, a little plea, making a pleasant warmth shoot down Regina’s spine and through her core.

“Is my little girl having a naughty dream?” she crooned, and Emma’s response was to tuck her face into her pillow and moan out little muffled words Regina couldn’t hear. “Tell Mama, baby,” she coaxed.

“Didn’t mean to,” Emma whined, and Regina felt Emma’s hips grind down against her hand that she’d placed in between Emma’s legs, cupping the padding of the diaper.

“I know,” she gave Emma a pouty lip in sympathy. “You couldn’t help it, could you?”

Emma shook her head, giving Regina her best pitiful expression, one that was clearly meant to plea a case of helplessness. Regina loved Emma looking helpless. It absolutely drove her wild while those cheeks were flushed and her green eyes were hooded and dark with arousal. And Emma knew that.

Sneaking her hand down Emma’s diaper, Regina slicked her digits against Emma’s folds and was rewarded by a hitch in Emma’s breathing. “Hm,” she mused as she gathered the slickness against her fingers. “My little girl had a wet dream. She’ll need to be changed.”

“Teasing me…” Emma whined.

Damn right. Emma both went crazy at being teased and absolutely loved being talked to this way, especially when she’d just spent an evening in a frustrated dream.

“Sshh…be a good girl now. My Emma…”

At those words, Emma spread her legs further, and Regina put her knees in between them as she leaned over Emma’s body from behind. She kissed Emma’s neck, and nipped at her earlobe as she began running circles over Emma’s incredibly swollen clit.

“Oh…” a little sigh and a shiver, making Regina dampen her own panties. She felt Emma clench, and tutted in her ear. “Relax. I’ll get you there, my love.”

“So good,” Emma exhaled, her knuckles loosening against the sheets.

“Tell me what I want to hear,” Regina whispered against Emma’s ear. If Emma was desperate enough, she could really get her talking. And Regina loved to hear Emma talk in that eager voice.

“We were in your office,” Emma breathed out, her voice straining to make sense of the words. “You had me over your desk.”

“Mm…” Regina felt heat go through her body as the image flooded her mind: Emma leaned over her expensive desk in her office across the courthouse, door locked and pacifier in her mouth to muffle the sounds she was making from reverberating down the hall. “You want me to take you in my office, Little One?”

“Wanna make you proud,” Emma muttered, her lips nearly biting at the pillow. “Want you to touch me until I come.”

Again, Regina hummed against Emma’s ear as she kept her fingers working at a snail’s pace. She could feel Emma’s muscles tense up, and her hips began to pump against her hand.

“Slow, baby,” Regina soothed. Emma was way too revved up for the torturously slow massage Regina was giving to her, but she loved teasing her this way.

“Can’t,” Emma whimpered. “I’m so close.”

“No,” she kissed Emma’s temple. “I know when you’re close. Better than you. Don’t I take good care of you, my love?” a slight pressure was added against Emma’s clit, and she was rewarded with a hike in Emma’s voice.

“Yes.” A simple answer that was nearly cut off at the end with pleasure.

“And do you think I’ll take good care of you now? Make you come like my good girl?”

“Yes,” Emma repeated, her knuckles starting to grip again.

“Are you going to be my good girl now?”

“Yes, Mama. I’ll be good. Please…” Regina felt a gush of slick wetness hit her fingers. Gathering it up, she hummed a pleasant surprise as Emma’s swollen clit grew against her digits.

“You’ve wet your diaper,” she husked against Emma’s cheek as she began gliding over Emma’s clit at a faster pace. Emma’s hips kept humping up and down, making her fingers follow, but she did so expertly. She knew how Emma moved.

“Mommy…” came such a sweet little whimper that Regina felt her panties dampen further, and a chill went down her spine that nearly had her coming on the spot. “Please don’t stop.”

“Relax, my love,” Regina kept her voice even, knowing that her patience was going to drive Emma further into madness. She needed release. She couldn’t wait for it.

She’d have to wait for it.

Regina dipped her fingers into Emma’s opening, pressing against her gspot, making Emma’s head snap back away from the pillow and suck in a surprised breath as Regina pressed her fingers against Emma’s most sensitive spot and massaged.

“Oh!” she cried, her newly exposed neck available for Regina to suck at her pulse point.

“Does this feel good, baby?” Her palm rubbed against Emma’s clit as she continued to push against Emma’s walls, feeling them close around her fingers as she stroked. Emma’s bottom kept coming up and hitting against Regina’s hips. She felt herself clenching as the ache in between her legs grew. “You’re making me wet,” she whispered against Emma’s skin.

She felt Emma’s reaction immediately against her hand, wetness gushing, warm and velvety. Emma’s moans echoed off the walls, filling her ears, Regina’s body nearly going over the edge at the sound.

Regina brought her free hand up to clutch one of Emma’s, still rigid as she tried to gain more friction. She felt Emma’s walls quivering around her fingers, and a satisfied smile splayed out on her lips.

“That’s my girl. So close.”

“I’m gunna…I’m…” Emma was trembling, every muscle in her body tight as her mouth fell open and her peek hit.

Regina’s fingers were clamped down in a vice grip, soft walls nearly crushing her before Emma’s whole body sighed and her pleasure spilled over. Regina’s fingers were released, and she felt new warm wetness soak her palm, Emma’s hips bucking as she called out, riding her height.

“Good job, baby,” Regina praised, making Emma’s body tremble mid-orgasm. “That’s a good girl who comes for me.”

Emma’s cry in response permeated the air, making Regina’s whole body turn even warmer than before as she clutched Emma’s sex with a protective hand, Emma still bucking against it, legs closing around it.

Emma gave one last rut, and then collapsed with a satisfied gasp, face pushing into her pillow. She panted as Regina leaned down and kissed her temple. “Did I make your dreams come true, Little One?”

Emma gave a giddy laugh, and then turned to look at Regina. Her face was flush with the remnants of her orgasm, and she pivoted to lay on her back, wrapping her arms around Regina’s shoulders and bringing her down for a kiss.

Regina replied, kissing Emma softly as she brought her hand away and rubbed in between Emma’s legs at the padding of her diaper. It caused Emma to hum against her lips appreciatively. “Pretty sure I’m still dreaming,” she drawled sleepily.

Regina smiled down at her as she continued to rub. “Close your eyes, sweetheart. Mama’ll clean you up. And then we’ll go back to bed.”

***

“I wanted a whiskey sucker,” Will grunted, folding his arms across his chest and setting his face in a deep frown.

“You’ll get nothing with that attitude,” Robin said evenly, looking away as if he barely noticed Will was there, and that just made Will stomp stubbornly in his spot.

“But you said I could. And now you’re saying I can’t. And you promised. And now you broke it.”

Will’s pouting could be heard over the thumping of the music, louder than usual as the final show of the night was finishing on the main stage of The Dungeon. The three Little friends had been venturing out of the Playpen for the past hour, closely followed by their Caregivers, who were all having a difficult time keeping good tabs on their charges as they bent the rules undercover.

Emma, of course, was the better behaved out of the three. While Will kept bugging Robin to buy him a whiskey infused sucker and Anna kept kicking Will in the shins in the hopes he’d chase her around the bar again (which would be the third time of the evening), Emma clung to Regina’s jacket, playing shy Little as the usual crowd began to gather around them. Belle came first, of course, coming to see Emma and Regina. She nearly flew into Regina’s arms, and then when let go, grabbed Emma’s cheeks and touched their noses before kissing Emma on the forehead. In tow was Mulan, who Emma could see was keeping half of her attention on Belle, and the other half on Aurora. Her eyes kept flitting between the two of them, and every now and then she’d sigh, as if she were having an inward discussion with herself about which way to go. Mulan had been pining over Aurora for years now, but Regina had told Emma that she’d hoped this new-found interest in Belle would maybe let that fade. Emma could see that wasn’t exactly the case. Maybe Mulan could be pushed to hurt somebody out of jealousy for Aurora…

Philip followed with Sean right behind him. The two were having a contest over who could drink the most. Both being subs in their relationships, Killian had told Emma that every now and then the two found other ways to prove themselves to each other. Drinking contests weren’t anything Emma hadn’t seen them do at Ruby Nights before. That was good. Alcohol meant loose tongues, and she could use that tonight.

“If Will gets a whiskey sucker, I want one too!” Anna announced, mimicking Will’s arms as she crossed them over her chest.

This prompted Robin to finally lose a bit of his cool, and he directed it at Will. “This is exactly why we don’t do this, Will. Now you’ve encouraged your friends to have the same attitude you do.”

As Will turned his face sour, Anna’s mouth gaped open in incredulity, and she yelled: “I don’t do stuff because he does!” and she kicked Will in the shins.

Elsa was about to reprimand Anna for her outburst towards a Dom, but neither she or Robin had a moment to react, as the two of them went sprinting off, Will reaching his hands out to try and grab at Anna’s long braids and she laughing with glee. Robin and Elsa both went after them, though they didn’t break out in a run.

“Are you the only one who behaves?” Ashley giggled as she asked Emma, who ducked a little closer to Regina in her typical shy way.

“I think maybe The Queen just has a good handle on her?” Aurora came up to give Regina a hello kiss on the cheek, and she winked at Emma.

Emma felt Regina tense just slightly, and she tried not to wince herself at the fact that she and Regina had to second guess their friends. Or people they thought were their friends. She understood.

Regina recovered quickly, however, and gave a warm smile. “You know that’s not true. Emma deserves way more credit.”

Emma felt herself pink, but she forgot her shyness as she saw Regina’s expression cool as she looked over Emma’s shoulder. Turning, Emma saw Ingrid approaching. She had locked arms with somebody Emma didn’t recognize: a short sub that barely looked up from the ground unless she was going to gaze up at Ingrid. Emma could have sworn she saw both Aurora and Ashley make a face at one another at the sight, but Emma didn’t dare exchange expressions with Regina.

Ingrid didn’t even acknowledge them. She had her eyes fixed on Will and Anna running around, who were having a hard time weaving in and out of the crowds and escaping their Caregivers. Emma saw Robin finally get a grip on Will’s arm.

“Just look at that spectacle,” Ingrid drawled with bored disgust.

As Sean and Philip argued over whose turn it was to pay for the round, Elsa and Anna came back, Anna looking deeply satisfied and Elsa harassed. Robin and Will followed after, Will not looking nearly as pleased with himself.

Emma made eye contact with Anna and gave her a look that said to knock it off: she was trying to work, and needed Anna to too. She saw Anna’s face shift, eyes widen as if remembering herself, and then she pursed her lips and dutifully stood next to Elsa, who looked like she was on the cusp of a strong headache.

“S’not fair,” Will grunted.

“You’ll learn not fair later,” Robin seethed as he ignored the amused snickering of Philip and Sean.

“Why don’t you just take them home?” Ingrid butt in, and the humor that everyone felt turned to thick apprehension in the group.

 _Why doesn’t everyone just ask you to go away?_ Emma thought in reply. What did her friends see in this lady?

Both Robin and Elsa looked about ready to cut into Ingrid, but Belle, true to her nature, saved the moment by coming up to Will and ruffling his hair. “You can start behaving right now,” she said kindly. “And then maybe your daddy will let you dance with me.”

The tactic worked. Will’s pouting face turned red in a blush, and he smiled.

“Barf,” Anna leaned into Emma and whispered in her ear. And while Emma snorted in amusement, she smacked Anna’s side.

“So, how did you girls like Ariel?” Ashley said to Anna and Emma, clearly trying to change the subject. Emma blinked at the question, but then remembered that Ashley would have no idea there was anything strange about the encounter.

“Awesome!” Anna piped up. “She really liked Emma,” Anna said.

“Really?” Ashley cocked her head to the side and gave Emma a smile, but she said, “she seemed really off afterward.”

“Off how?” Regina asked, and Emma could feel a hand on the small of her back. They needed to be careful, but they also needed to see if they could get some answers.

Ashley shrugged. “She seemed like she was looking over her shoulder. Couldn’t wait for her shift to end.”

Elsa gave a forced laugh. “Anna told me Ariel wasn’t convinced Regina and I allowed them in a private room.”

Ingrid gave an incredulous scoff and gaped at Elsa and Regina. “Seriously? Do either of you have any boundaries with your Littles?”

Emma felt that hand at the small of her back clench as Regina made a fist. She looked sideways to see Regina forcing her face to stay neutral, but she did roll her eyes.

“It was a present,” Anna stuck her tongue out at Ingrid, and Emma saw the flash Ingrid’s her eyes. The sub who was on her arm shrank back, Mulan’s brows raised and she had to turn her head to not show the impressed smile that spread out across her face, while Sean and Philip didn’t do such a great job of hiding their amusement behind their beer bottles.

Will bounced on the balls of his feet in delight while Elsa did what was expected and began to reprimand Anna, though Emma could tell she had no conviction in her voice.

“Apologize, Anna. Now,” she ordered.

Anna’s face set as Emma watched Ingrid try to hide the satisfied smile come across her face. “She was being rude,” Anna argued, not taking her eyes away from Ingrid. That smile began to falter as she saw Anna wasn’t going to give in so easily. Clearly there was a challenge happening between the two of them. Regina took Emma’s hand and squeezed.

“That doesn’t give you the right to be rude back,” Elsa reasoned, trying to keep her voice even. Anna may be under cover, but Elsa wasn’t enjoying her taking liberties with her attitude.

Ingrid wasn’t helping, Emma thought, with what Zelena would have called a shit-eating grin on her face as she waited for her apology. The place seemed to get quiet all of a sudden as everyone waited for what Anna decided to do.

Finally, it was clear that what was being asked of her was too much. She didn’t like to be challenged, but she certainly wasn’t going to let somebody talk bad about her mommy or Emma’s for that matter. She pointed at Ingrid, making sure that the finger was nearly in Ingrid’s face, and turned to Elsa.

“Nobody ever tells Ingrid she’s being rude. But she always is!”

“That’s enough, Anna,” Aurora suddenly cut in, and Emma was taken aback by the fire in her eyes. She looked genuinely pissed, and while that surprised her, she also felt a bubble of anger at the indignity of Aurora coming at her friend like that. Regardless if Anna was in the wrong. Was Anna in the wrong? Emma didn’t really know. Anna wasn’t being very polite, but if Ingrid didn’t push so much, Emma doubted she would have driven Anna to act the way she was.

“I’ll take care of it,” Elsa said, grabbing Anna’s arm.

“Then take care of it,” Aurora quipped back. “If she can’t control herself.”

“Actually, they let us have a dance with Ariel because we were working. We were talking to her about how Lily Page disappeared. Maybe that’s why she seemed so flustered afterward.” Emma blurted out.

Everything stopped. Emma couldn’t blame them. She was surprised by her own boldness, but had been driven by whatever the hell Aurora’s, not to mention, Ingrid’s problem was. With the stares she was getting now, Emma wasn’t sure if she’d just shocked everyone with speaking up at all or by what she had said.

Emma felt the hand in hers squeeze, as she saw a group of startled eyes and a few bewildered ones.

Aurora, taking her focus off Elsa and blinking at Emma, stammered. “Who?”

“Lily Page,” Anna said loudly. “She went missing weeks ago. And she’s from The Scene.”

“Her mother hired me to find her,” Emma finished.

Everyone looked dumbfounded, but Emma didn’t know if it was the sudden change in subject or the subject itself and if any of them knew what the hell she and Anna were even talking about.

“And…what? Did Ariel do something?” Belle asked, her arms now crossed around herself as if in protection. Her face flashed from Emma and Anna to Regina and then everywhere else. As if she were trying to find the answer in somebody’s face.

“I have word that Ariel knew Lily Page,” Emma said, trying to keep her voice steady, though she was acutely aware that she didn’t sound at all like this particular group was used to.

“Who is she?” Aurora asked, her eyes nearly accusatory at Emma.

Emma just stared at her. Studied her. Aurora still looked put off by the altercation between Ingrid and Anna, as if she should even care, Emma thought. But was she deflecting?

“You tell me,” Emma said flatly.

If Emma didn’t have everyone’s undivided attention before, she did now. Mulan’s flanks went up, and she was about to step into Emma’s space when Belle put her hand out to stop her. Emma felt Regina let go of her hand and step forward, but Sean came forward and put his hands up.

“Easy,” his eyes darted around to everyone. “Emma, what are you talking about?”

“Do you not know anyone named Lily, Ro?” Regina asked, and Emma could hear in her voice that she was trying to keep it as kind as possible, as if to keep Aurora centered.

“I…” Aurora blinked furiously, shaking her head. “I don’t think so. Why, did Ariel say I did?”

Emma just stared back. She didn’t want to put all her cards completely on the table, but she also didn’t want Ariel to be in any danger. “No,” Emma said. “She didn’t. I’ve been working on this case for a while now. I have multiple sources.”

“Like who?” Philip finally cut in, stepping in front of Aurora. Though their usual dynamic was not for him to take charge, Aurora seemed genuinely pleased with his decision to do so now. Emma couldn’t help but think she looked incredibly lost with how this had all come around to her.

“I’m not telling you that, Phil. Sorry.”

“Well, that tells me all I need to know,” Ingrid chimed in, throwing her head back and rolling her eyes dramatically. “She’s clearly protecting Ruby,” she said to Aurora, who looked from Emma to Ingrid like a dear in the headlights. Had Emma just blindsided her with her deepest, darkest secret out on display? Or was she genuinely confused?

“Ruby told you that Ariel knew a girl named Lily and that has something to do with her going missing?” Mulan asked Emma.

“Of course Ruby did!” Ingrid answered, making Emma’s chest bubble with anger. God, this woman was insufferable. No wonder Anna couldn’t keep her cool. “That’s why that lying bitch hasn’t been around here. Too afraid to show her face after spreading rumors.”

“Call her a bitch again,” Emma found herself saying through gritted teeth.

“ _What_?” Ingrid spat, stepping so close into Emma’s space that Emma would have had to take a step back if she didn’t want Ingrid’s breath in her face. But she didn’t have time to react at all. Without understanding how it had happened, she was suddenly behind Regina, who had put herself in between them both and was now nose to nose with Ingrid.

“Don’t you _dare_ ,” Regina seethed. Emma saw her shaking. Saw the rage just waiting to explode out of her. And Ingrid relished it. Emma saw her eyes light up and a smile spread across her face as she stared down at Regina, who had a few inches to grow on her, not that that was deterring Regina at all.

“Or what, Queenie?” Ingrid chimed in a sickly-sweet voice, and Emma felt her hand being taken. She looked behind her to see Elsa coaxing her back.

“Ingrid, Regina. Enough…” Belle was saying weakly, but it was going unnoticed. The energy coming off the two Dommes was pulsing with pent-up rage, and nobody seemed to want to get too close. But Emma, she felt herself buzzing, felt her feet ready to take flight if she needed to. If Ingrid even dared to…

“ _Don’t_ ,” Regina said in a dangerous voice. “Come near my fiancé again, or you’ll regret it.”

It happened so fast, almost as fast as Regina getting in front of her. Emma blinked, and the next thing she knew, Ingrid’s smile grew ever wider and she grabbed Regina’s throat, at the same time, sneering out “Then let’s go.” At the same moment, Regina took hold of Ingrid’s wrist and shot her knee out, making contact with Ingrid’s stomach. It wasn’t hard enough to knock the wind out of her though, and the two were now locked in a battle as they tried to get the better of each other.

And Emma…the world faded out around her. Her vision tunneled to that hand on Regina’s throat, and it was as if the rest of her vision dripped with red blood.

She snapped. No other word for it. Sean and Philip were already trying to pull Regina and Ingrid apart, but nobody saw Emma coming. Not even Anna. Why would they? They’d never known Emma other than the shy Little One who hid her face in Regina’s shirt. They didn’t know the private detective who had taken out guys twice her size, the rough street kid she’d grown up as, the one who’d driven to a murderer’s house at his mere joking of harming Regina.

Ingrid was in Emma’s grasp before anyone knew she’d moved. She heard a faint calling of her name that sounded vaguely like Anna’s voice, but it was drown out by the sirens in her head all alerting her to get this psychotic bitch off Regina right now.

“You ever put your hands on her again…” she was seething out so many threats and vile insults that she didn’t hear anybody else’s voice anymore.

Emma had enough experience in a fight to know that while it typically lasted only a few seconds, it felt like an eternity when you were in the middle of it. She had succeeded in getting Regina out of Ingrid’s grasp, but she didn’t feel herself stopping there. She was on the ground, though how that had happened, she hardly knew. And while for a moment, she’d managed to get a few punches into Ingrid’s face, she was suddenly choking.

Ingrid had one good move, apparently. A firm grip on Emma’s throat had the blood that was framing her vision take it completely over.

It couldn’t have been long. It was probably what should have been only a single intake of breath. She tried, and it didn’t come. Her airways were closed off. And it was only a split second of bereavement when she felt the body that had managed to get on top of her gone, torn off by a group of people. Security had finally made its way over.

But Emma didn’t see all of that. She was too focused on the pungent odor of blood flooding her nostrils. It was seeping out of Gold’s leg from where Robert had embedded the statue.

His howling of rage and pain filled her ears, made them hurt.

“Emma!”

She had to get away. How could she get away? She clasped her hands around his tearing into her neck, kicked, flailed. Anything to get him off. Anything to breathe again.

“Emma!”

How did she get here? How could she escape? She’d never been able to escape. Not when she was a girl, and not now. Gold had her. After all these years, he finally had her. She was going to die.

And then…

“You are with me. You are safe. You are with me. You are safe. You are…”

Emma blinked, and found Regina in front of her, holding her face, pressing their foreheads together.

Emma jolted up, and she was sitting on the ground. There were so many people around, but the atmosphere was so strange compared to what she was used to. The lights had been turned on, flooding the normally dim dance floor with bright strobes. The music was off, or at least turned down to barely being heard rather than making the floor vibrate.

“Easy,” Regina soothed, rubbing Emma’s arms. “Baby, are you hurt?”

Shaking her head forcefully, Emma asked: “What happened?”

“What happened?” Anna screeched, looking morbidly excited. “You just kicked the shit out of Ingrid is what happened!”

Emma looked over Anna’s shoulder to see Ingrid fighting with two of the security guards. She was clawing at them like a cat, and they nearly had to drag her out. Anna thought this was incredibly funny, and as usual, Elsa was trying to keep her from being too uncouth in public.

The group of their friends were scattered, all holding onto one or the other. Mulan had a tear-stricken Aurora as Robin was trying to hold Will back. He looked about ready to go off on all of the security guards that were around them if they even tried to put hands on Emma.

Regina looked relieved to see her come around. Emma put her hands out, and Regina helped her on her feet. Both were panting.

Emma touched Regina’s neck tenderly with her fingers. It was slightly red, but otherwise it didn’t look like Ingrid had managed to do any real damage. “Are you okay?” she asked.

Regina looked about ready to let tears spill down her face, but she found it in herself to laugh as she put her own hand on Emma’s cheek. “I’m fine, you heroic idiot.”

Emma gave her own laugh of relief at seeing Regina okay, and she shook her head. “I couldn’t let her…”

One of the security guards approached and looked at Emma, then Regina. “What happened?” he asked.

“Ingrid grabbed her throat!” Will yelled, pointing Ingrid’s way. The security guard didn’t seem to find this surprising, but Emma knew in his line of work, they were used to bar fights. “So Regina fought back. Then Emma got Ingrid off of her.”

The man’s face flashed around to everyone, and all were in agreeance: Ingrid had started it. Emma came forward and took her badge out of her pocket. She handed it to him, and tried to speak evenly, but she was still trying to catch her breath. “I’m on a case. I was just asking some questions. Apparently, Ingrid didn’t like that very much.”

It only took a few more minutes, but eventually, all were told to leave and cool off for the night. Tired, sore, and dazed with everything that had happened, Emma was too busy trying to put pieces together in her head. She caught Aurora’s eye, but Aurora looked away and hurriedly walked in the opposite direction. Ashley and Sean were giving Emma and Regina apprehensive looks, but Ashley at least smiled Emma’s way before leaving.

“That was fantastic,” Anna clapped her hands together. She seemed to be the only one happy with the way the night had gone.

“You’re so dumb, Anna!” Will accused.

“Am not!” she shot back. “That was super romantic.”

Emma didn’t really feel romantic at that moment. She felt like she needed some hot tea down her throat. Regina stepped into her space and touched their foreheads. “Are you sure you’re not hurt?” Regina asked in a whisper.

“Yeah,” Emma answered. She didn’t feel hurt, just sore. She imagined once the adrenaline wore off, she’d be able to assess the situation better.

“Hey.” Emma and Regina pulled away at the voice, finding Belle standing there, still holding herself. She looked very shaken up. Emma couldn’t say she blamed her. She doubted many people were used to physical altercations. “You two okay?” she asked.

Regina smiled at her. “We’re okay. I’m sorry, Belle.”

Belle shook her head. “Don’t be. Is there really a girl missing?”

Emma nodded. “Yeah. More than one,” she found that the last part didn’t come out all the way, and she didn’t know if it was because her throat was raw, or because saying that about Ruby physically hurt. But she didn’t want to tell Belle about Ruby just then. She needed to keep all her cards together until she had time to sort everything out.

Belle shook her head and let out a deep breath. “Look, Mulan thought it would be better if I gave you this. Since we’re closer. Thought it would look strange if she did it.” She held out a piece of paper.

Confused, Emma took it. “What is this?”

“It’s her number.”

Emma looked up at Belle in surprise. “Mulan’s?”

Belle nodded. “She says she thinks she knows what Ariel told you? Wouldn’t say anything else. She says you need to call her.”

Taking the paper, Emma nodded. “Yeah. Okay.”

“Get some rest,” Belle said. “You two look like you need it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know lots of you were missing Ruby, and lots more were dying for answers. I think I accomplished one out of two of those. Hahaha!
> 
> I can't promise I'll get a chapter out next weekend, but I'll try. Hope you are all doing well. Stay safe and healthy! <3


	25. Mulan

Emma could feel the tension in Regina’s hand as she held it. When they got to their car, Regina’s hesitation to let it go had Emma’s radar on high alert. Instead, she brought her arms around Regina’s waist and made them face each other. “Hey,” she said gently, tucking a dark wayward curl behind Regina’s ear.

Regina looked at her then, and Emma felt the shift. Regina, despite her shock from what had just happened, was in Mama Bear mode. A protective hand went to the small of Emma’s back as Regina’s eyes trailed over her body. “You went away for a moment,” Regina said quietly. “Where did you go?”

Emma blinked, thinking back to what felt like forever ago even though the adrenaline was still pumping through her body. “I…I don’t know,” she answered, a little flash coming through her mind, but it left just as quickly. “Did I?”

Regina didn’t answer at first. She pressed her lips together, studying Emma’s face. Emma felt those dark eyes taking her in. “When Ingrid grabbed you,” and the last part was tinted with a dark undertone Emma recognized as Regina’s dangerous voice. She’d heard it before in the times when Regina’s anger was just bubbling at the surface.

But try as Emma might, she couldn’t grab onto that elusive little image that popped into her head. Whatever had happened in that moment, it wasn’t there anymore.

“I don’t know,” she repeated. “I can’t reach it.”

“Baby, are you okay?” Regina asked.

“I am,” Emma nodded, but knew this was too automatic of a reaction. She had been in enough physical altercations to know that the adrenaline pumping through her at that moment would last for a couple more hours, and until then it was going to be impossible to assess any minor physical damage. She was positive she’d had worse and it would be fine. But she also knew that Regina was speaking about both physical and mental. That was going to be harder to tell, Emma knew. If she’d blacked out while awake…that meant she’d gone through real trauma. It had happened much more seldom than the physical altercations, but it had also happened enough that she knew that. “Are you?” she asked, again lightly touching Regina’s neck. It was a little red, which sent a ball of fury through Emma’s chest, but didn’t look like the marks would last.

Regina smiled then. “I’m okay. She didn’t do any real damage. You were too quick. I think I got a couple of good licks in though.”

That made Emma smile too. “You’re a warrior,” she said, making Regina finally chuckle and loosen her grip. “Guess I need to make a phone call,” she said as she got into the passenger’s seat, gripping Mulan’s number in her hands.

Regina climbed in after her and as she buckled up, she eyed the paper wearily. “You going to do it now?”

“Yeah,” Emma nodded without hesitation. “I want to know why she’s so keen to talk to me. If she has any information, I need to know.”

Nodding, Regina said, “If Aurora is involved, Mulan’s not going to roll over on her easily.”

“For all we know, Mulan’s involved herself. Still…” Emma trailed off as she punched the number into her phone. It rang a couple of times, and then Mulan’s voice came over the line.

“Hello?”

“Mulan?” Emma asked. “It’s Emma.”

“Oh,” Mulan sounded surprised. “That was quick.”

“Yeah well, Ruby’s also missing, so I’m in a bit of a hurry,” she deadpanned.

There was silence for a long time on the other end of the call. Emma couldn’t even hear Mulan breathing. She’d clearly stopped her up short.

“Can you meet us somewhere to talk?” Emma asked when she realized she wasn’t getting anything back.

“Now?”

“Yeah, Mulan. Now.” Emma said seriously.

“Okay, yeah.”

Emma looked at the time: ten fifteen. “You know Boston Coffee Party in Fort Point?”

Mulan chuckled this time. “Isn’t that Margot and Tilly’s place?”

“Yeah, they owe me a couple favors,” Emma said. “They’ll let us in.” It was true. Margot and Tilly closed the cafe at ten. They kept their place open for students doing late night cram sessions. They’d just missed the mark, but Emma had put in countless hours to help the two out, and she knew they’d do what they could to help Ruby.

When she and Regina arrived, Margot looked tired while Tilly was bouncing around as usual.

“Thanks for letting us in, guys,” Emma said as the four friends hugged hello. “I know it’s late.”

Margot made a gesture as if to throw the comment away. “Don’t worry about it. Tilly and I are up way past the closing time getting things ready for the morning.”

As Emma and Regina shed off their jackets, they saw headlights approaching. Margot raised her eyebrows. “Any idea how this is gunna turn out?” she asked.

Emma shook her head. “No idea. But she wanted to talk.”

“I’ll make coffee!” Tilly squeaked, and before anybody could tell her not to, she was off.

“Great,” Regina grumbled. “That’s what is needed. Fuel.”

Emma snorted at the quip but didn’t say anything.

“At least she’s keeping herself busy,” Margot whispered as Mulan got out of her car and approached. Emma was surprised to see on her tail was Belle. “Oh,” Margot’s brows raised.

“Don’t blame her,” Emma sighed. “She doesn’t want to walk into an ambush alone.”

“We’re not going to ambush her,” Margot said.

Emma ignored this comment as the door was opened for the two of them. Mulan gave Emma and Regina a weary nod as Belle hugged them both hello.

“It’s alright, Mulan,” Regina nodded at her, not exactly smiling, but she kept her voice friendly. “We just want to talk.”

“You said Ruby was missing,” Belle said, almost as a sob. “What’s going on here?”

“Let’s sit down,” Emma motioned to the closest table as Margot turned the lock.

“You guys need us, let us know,” she nodded to the counter where Tilly was making coffee.

“Thanks Mo,” Regina smiled at her as they all went to sit down.

When they all sat, Emma saw Mulan shifting uncomfortably in her seat. She looked down at her hands as she said: “I’m sorry about Ruby. I didn’t know. But…stuff’s been really strange lately, and the way Killian’s been acting? I guess it makes sense.”

Emma nodded. “It’s all connected. Lily Page and Ruby. You told Belle you think you know what Ariel told me. How?”

Mulan rolled her eyes then. Emma took in her stiff demeanor. She wasn’t happy about being there. She was probably trying to do as much damage control as possible, Emma thought. “People talk. Ariel and Tink have been acting really weird at Eye Candy. Ashley told Ro. Anyway, long story short, Ariel has this theory that Ro and Lily were into each other.”

Emma and Regina exchanged a look. Emma could see Regina’s hackles raised. “They weren’t?” Regina asked carefully.

Again, Mulan rolled her eyes and gave a snort. “No. Aurora’s done a pretty good job of keeping her new interest a secret. At least to some people. But it isn’t Lily.”

“Ariel said it was somebody that was really standoffish and kind of a bitch. Lily’s mother and everybody else I’ve talked to says Lily can be that way.”

Mulan shrugged. “Maybe. I didn’t really know her. But that isn’t the bitch Ro’s been sneaking around with. She doesn’t know I’ve figured this out, but Ro and Ingrid have been sleeping together for months now.”

“What!?” Tilly screamed from behind Emma, making her nearly jump out of her skin. Even Regina jumped, and she whirled around, giving Tilly, who was standing just behind them with a full coffee pot, mugs, and her jaw on the floor a dangerous look.

“Tilly,” Regina said severely. “Don’t do that!”

“Sorry Miss Regina,” Tilly said automatically, her eyes never leaving Mulan. “Did you just say Aurora’s been sleeping with that hag Ingrid!?”

“Tilly!” Margot called to her from the counter. “Seriously, get over here!”

Tilly shook off her shock and trotted away, forgetting to put the coffee down. That suited everyone at the table just fine. Emma figured there were plenty of nerves to go around. She regarded Belle with curiosity, who was just sitting there looking at Mulan sadly. Emma wondered if she was starting to feel the same way about Mulan that Mulan had felt about Aurora for all these years.

“How’d you figure this out?” Emma finally asked a thoroughly aggravated Mulan.

Mulan took her eyes off Tilly and sighed. “I’ve known Ro a long time. Even if I didn’t know the signs, I’ve caught them sneaking around a couple of times. Trust me. Aurora and Lily were never a thing. It’s Ingrid.”

“Does Phil know?” Regina asked.

Snorting, Mulan shook her head, and the disdain on her face was plain. “Phil doesn’t know anything. I’m sure he’s turning a blind eye on purpose, honestly.”

Emma changed tactic. She didn’t want to get into the complexity of this weird three-way turned four-way that Mulan had going on with Aurora, Philip, and Ingrid. It all sounded exhausting, and not for the first time, she was thanking whatever was going on upstairs that she and Regina had found each other and had an uncomplicated devotion to one another.

“Okay. So Lily Page and Aurora didn’t really know each other, weren’t involved with each other, and there’s no reason her disappearance has anything to do with Philip or Aurora or you.”

Mulan blinked. “Is that what Ariel thinks?” And then she started laughing. A genuine belly laugh that even got a smile from Belle, who until now had been sitting quietly and simply putting a supporting arm on Mulan’s chair. Wiping her eyes, Mulan gave she and Regina a smile. “Emma. You can’t honestly think that.”

“What I _think_ ,” Emma said harshly, giving Mulan a deadpan look. “Is that there’s a young woman missing whose mother is heartbroken. What I _think_ is that a month later, my best friend goes missing and we find out the two are connected. What I _think_ is that I’m hearing a lot of bullshit rumors like it’s a high school party, a lot of half-stories, and nobody is being honest with me or Killian when he’s asking about underground parties. What that leads me to think is that I’m missing something huge here. And what I _honestly_ think is that _none_ of this is fucking funny. At all.”

That wiped the smirk right off of Mulan’s face. She stared at Emma, taking in a deep breath, as if just realizing the gravity of the situation. And maybe she had. Emma didn’t know. Or care. But she wasn’t having somebody being so cavalier about something that had completely flipped her own life upside down.

Belle made a noise that had Emma breaking the stare down with Mulan, and she looked to see Belle’s eyes misting over.

“Emma,” she whispered. “Has something really happened to Ruby?”

Emma found she couldn’t answer. The words got stuck in her throat. Just like earlier. She could barely bring herself to say the whole sentence around Regina, much less to anyone else. It was too real, too raw.

“Yes Belle,” Regina said for her. Emma could sense that Regina knew her voice had caught in her throat. “Ruby’s been missing for over three weeks now.”

Three weeks, Emma swallowed. If felt like longer. It felt like a lifetime. Ruby’s last voicemail played back in her head. And then the one she’d left right after. Did Ruby get it? Did she ever hear Emma saw she was sorry? That she’d known she was being a bad friend and busy? God, she hoped so. She couldn’t bare the idea that Ruby thought she was alone…

Belle’s whole face crumbled, and she looked from Regina to Emma, putting her hands out on the table to reach for them. “Em,” she said, teary-eyed as Emma took her hands and Belle squeezed. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know. I just thought…I think everyone thought she was just taking a break. Especially when we saw her and Killian not really getting along.”

Emma shook her head. “That was…for a different reason.” She didn’t want to say anything else. It didn’t seem right. Zelena’s face flashed through her mind, hazy and heartbroken over what had become of her lover. And Killian’s face, disappointed and confused.

“I’m sorry too. But I can’t help you, Emma,” Mulan said, her tone much more sober than it had been before. She looked regretful of how cavalier she’d sounded earlier. “Aurora’s been sneaking around with Ingrid, not anyone named Lily. As far as I know, the two don’t know each other outside of just casual acquaintance. And I don’t know anything about the underground scene.”

Emma noted Mulan mentioning Lily in the present tense, and figured that was a good sign that she truly didn’t know anything or think anything terrible had happened.

“I do,” Belle said quietly, almost so quiet that Emma barely heard her. Looking at Belle now, Emma saw her face red and eyes guilty.

Next to Emma, Regina said skeptically, “I thought you hadn’t been involved in them for a while.”

Giving a little shrug, Belle nodded. “A little. I don’t do it as much since…”

Confused, Emma looked from Belle to Regina, and saw a tight jaw that she wasn’t expecting. She knew that look. Regina had gone rigid. What was going on?

“Why didn’t you say anything to Killian?” Regina clipped, surprising Emma. She didn’t know if she’d ever heard Regina speak to Belle that way.

However, Belle looked unaffected. She just shook her head. “I thought he was just trying to get involved in some freaky stuff, and you know how those things are: invite only. He kept asking and I kept hearing people playing dumb with him. So, I didn’t think I should say anything. Like you said, I’m not really involved anymore. I still hear things, but I haven’t really been around. But if he was asking because of Ruby…” she trailed off, her eyes went far away for a moment. “Do you think something happened at one of them?”

“I’ve got nothing else to go on,” Emma said. “Belle, if you have information, you need to tell me.”

But Belle shook her head. “Well…I don’t. But I know who would.”

“No,” Regina said, surprising Emma. “He can’t…”

Belle gave a sad smile at Regina. “He does. Even there, he does. You know how he is. He’s got eyes and ears everywhere.”

“No,” Regina repeated, her head shaking fervently. She had nearly spat the word. “How would you even know that?”

Belle shifted uncomfortably in her seat then. “He was my Dom for a long time. People still tell me things. I haven’t talked to him, but…”

“What is going on?” Emma said, looking at Regina, bewildered. Regina looked like she’d just been struck across the face, and when Emma met her eyes, she saw clear panic there.

“She’s talking about Robert Gold.”

***

Margot closed the door behind Mulan and Belle, leaving Emma to stare after them in the darkness as they got into their car and drove away. The last of the snow from the previous week was gone, leaving behind a dry freeze as the night turned colder, the windows of the closed café frosting just slightly as the clock inched towards midnight.

Regina was standing by the ordering counter, Tilly handing her a hot mug of tea. Emma hoped it would bring some color back into her face. She’d gone nearly white at Belle mentioning Robert Gold would know anything about the current underground parties, and had barely said anything as Emma wrapped up her conversation with Mulan and Belle.

“What do you think?” Margot whispered to Emma as they watched the car drive away. “You think The Crocodile’s got info about Ruby?”

Shrugging, Emma sighed. “I don’t know,” she said quietly. “I just know that he’s got connections in the underground scene. And with the Aurora and Philip connection to my case gone, it’s literally the only thing I have to go on.”

Margot looked over Emma’s shoulder, and then back at her, smiling. “Go talk to her,” she said more quietly still.

“Yeah,” Emma breathed out, and crossed the room to her partner.

Regina had been staring at the ground, holding the mug in her hands until her knuckles turned as white as her face.

“Come here often?” Emma joked softly, giving Regina one of her lopsided grins.

Regina’s eyes flashed up to her, but there wasn’t any humor in them. “Emma, I don’t want you going anywhere that man,” she stated simply.

Shoulders slumping, Emma sighed and nodded. “I know you don’t. But I’ve got nothing left. And I…”

“Have to find Ruby,” Regina finished, putting the mug down on the counter and closing her eyes, rubbing her temple. “I know.”

Emma came closer, wrapping her arms around Regina’s waist. She brushed Regina’s cheek with the backs of her fingers. “I know it’s complicated. But he did save my life,” she said gently.

“You know I don’t believe that.”

That was true. Regina had made it very clear that she didn’t think they knew Gold’s true motives behind saving Emma. As far as she was concerned it was nothing more than to cover his own ass. And Emma knew no matter what, Regina would never forgive Gold for what had happened when she was a child.

“He’s in prison,” Emma said. She wasn’t going to argue with Regina about Gold’s motivations. Whatever they were didn’t really matter. “It couldn’t be a more controlled environment. We’ll just go to talk.”

Regina’s hands came up then, taking Emma’s face in between them and gazing into her eyes. Emma looked back at two dark, shiny eyes she loved so much, so worried, so tired and on the brink of tears.

“Let’s go home,” Emma decided to say. “Talk about this tomorrow.”

Regina gave a bitter laugh. “We have Henry tomorrow,” and she rubbed her temples again.

That statement stopped Emma up short. The night had been so incredibly crazy that Emma had nearly forgotten about the fact that in the morning they were going to pick up a little boy and spend legitimate time with him…like a family.

“Before,” Emma finally said, putting on a brave face. “Come on.”

***

There was no sleep for Regina, and the only thing exhausting her more than everything that had happened that evening was that her clear turmoil nearly kept Emma from falling asleep too. She had never worked so hard to switch her attitude as they went home, keep a brave face that would calm Emma enough to do the things that needed to be done: faces washed and teeth brushed, Emma changed and pajamas on, and finally nursing.

It wasn’t until the last part that Regina felt any semblance of calm herself. She tucked Emma’s head underneath her chin and held her close, whispering softly in her ear, rocking them. She was trying to soothe herself as much as her partner, but she hoped that it wasn’t showing.

Of course it was showing. She couldn’t hide her anxiety from Emma any better than Emma could hide hers. Emma kept trying to unlatch, hold her back, look into her eyes.

“No, love,” Regina whispered, picking the rocking back up. “Just close your eyes. Everything’s okay…”

It took so much longer than usual, until she finally felt those muscles relax, and Emma’s body melt against her. Still, she held on, hugging Emma close long after the sleep took her. Emma was restless and would nearly come to. But Regina was right there, soothing her back to sleep before she’d even fully awakened.

Regina used it as an excuse to stay awake, though she knew really that she couldn’t have slept if she tried. She felt the soreness from what happened with Ingrid slowly creep up, but it was nothing compared to the endless heartache and the trepidation she felt at the next task ahead of them. She didn’t want Emma going back to that place…

But Emma did go back to that place. Whether she meant to, wanted to, or not. And she didn’t need Gold’s help to get her there. Into the early hours of that morning, she was violently taken back to that place as Regina tossed and turned trying to find sleep. That goal was forgotten in an instant as Emma’s howls permeated the air and raised the hair on the back of Regina’s neck. She was on her knees before Emma could try to take a breath. A breath that didn’t come, and the rigid body next to her jolted in panic at not getting oxygen into her lungs.

Regina took Emma’s face in her hands, looking down into black, unseeing eyes. “Emma, my love,” she called. “Emma!”

Nothing there. Emma’s lips were already blue as the seconds ticked by that she didn’t take in air. Her eyes held absolutely no green. She was a ghost of herself as her claw-like hands came up to try and scratch her way out. Regina expected it, she was quick. She grabbed hold of Emma’s wrists and pressed as hard as she could without leaving a mark.

“Emma. Hear me. Find my voice, baby.”

Emma’s fingers stretched as she seemed to realize her arms were being held, and she opened and closed her palms in jerky motions. She tossed her head from side to side, and then gulped in a single bit of air. It came right back out in a piercing scream.

Regina felt her ears ringing, but she didn’t care. She yelled over Emma’s raspy voice and called her name again. “You’re with me. You’re safe. I’m not going to let anyone hurt you, Em. Baby, listen to me!”

Emma sucked in a short breath, and she began wheezing in little puffs of air, pushing them back out again. At the rate she was going, she’d pass out from lack of oxygen. Cussing under her breath, Regina pulled Emma’s body to its side and leaned over it, forcing Emma’s kicking legs to steady. She began smacking Emma’s back, rubbing after each one. Her lips were against Emma’s ear, and she talked into it with purpose.

“Emma. Mama’s here. You’re safe. Breathe with me, Emma. Take a breath. Come on.”

Emma started a wheezing noise, the one that haunted Regina terribly. Low and cold and not quite getting in what she needed. Her clawed hands began accosting the mattress, as if to gain purchase. Like she was trying to climb her way out. Regina felt the sweat dripping off Emma’s temple, the tears streaming down her cheeks from black eyes.

“Emma,” she pleaded, hearing a tearing in her own voice. Gold’s face came into her head, unexpectantly and violently, and Regina felt a sob rip from her throat. She hated him. He’d done this to her. He’d destroyed an innocent child. But he’d also hidden her. Made it possible for Emma to even come into her life.

Her thoughts were cut off as Emma finally took in a full breath, and a little bit of the voice Regina knew to be her partner’s sounded in it.

“That’s it,” Regina said, choking down the desperation she heard in her voice, an afterthought of her sob. “That’s it, Em. Another. Take another. I’m here. I’m right here. Find me, baby. Come back to me.”

As Emma took in another breath, Regina rubbed her back in circles, kissing her temple and whispering praises each time she felt Emma fill her lungs. Slowly, underneath her Emma’s body began to relax, the muscles loosening, the limbs slacking.

“Good girl,” Regina chanted. “Come back to me, my love. Good job.”

That strange groaning sound Emma got when she was in between her worlds sounded, and while it always haunted Regina to hear it, she knew it meant Emma was slowly coming back to herself. Getting behind Emma and spooning her, Regina held tightly, rubbing up and down Emma’s arms, coaching her on breathing. The groaning slowly ebbed to Emma’s voice, and she called weakly. “R’gina?”

Regina sat up, and rolled Emma on her back. Emma looked back at her with glazed eyes, but they at least had their green back. Her cheeks were stained with tears, and Regina rubbed her thumb against them. “I’m right here, baby. I’ve never left you once. You’ve been safe with me. I promise.”

Emma began to shake, and she blinked furiously, looking around. “W’happen’t?”

Smiling down, Regina shook her head. “Don’t worry about that right now. Just breathe. Can you take a deep breath for me?” She started to do it herself, and Emma followed. However, Emma’s inhale was far from smooth. She was shivering, probably from both cold and fright. Regina forced herself to ignore Emma’s discomfort for just a few more minutes until she got Emma’s breathing under control. She couldn’t stand the thought of leaving her side even if it was only for a moment.

Finally, Emma took enough breaths to let out a heavy sigh, and she closed her eyes. As she did, her teeth began to chatter, and Regina finally forced herself up. “I’m right here, Em,” she called as she went to the drawer of Emma’s crib and grabbed her changing items.

Emma’s eyes opened as Regina came back, propping herself in between Emma’s legs and shuffling her pajama pants off. She blinked, her brows furrowing. “R’gina?”

Looking down at her, Regina could see confusion etched in her features. She probably didn’t remember anything from the attack, but she didn’t seem to remember their conversation just moments ago either. Forcing a smile, Regina put a hand on Emma’s knee. “Sshh…you’re okay, Little One.”

Emma blinked out fat tears, and then put her fingers in between her teeth. Regina could see she didn’t suck on them, but was rather keeping herself from dealing with the chattering noise.

Emma had only slightly wet herself, so Regina was able to make quick work of changing her, and she disregarded the pajama pants Emma had sweat through. She gently helped Emma sit up and took off her shirt. “Come on,” she coaxed, getting Emma under her arms and up on her feet.

Emma wasn’t very steady, but Regina was right there, taking all of her weight as she expertly grabbed a thick down blanket and got them to their chair. Once Emma was finally in her arms, she reclined them back and squeezed Emma tightly. “Baby,” she whispered. “It’s okay.”

“I’m sorry,” Emma asked thickly. She was exhausted. She was always exhausted afterward. And Regina dreaded the morning of trying to get food into Emma. Her ribs were starting to show, despite Regina’s efforts. Still, Regina chuckled at the words. Always guilty, her Emma.

Running her fingers through Emma’s hair, Regina sighed as she touched her cheek to her partner’s. “My love,” she whispered. “Close your eyes.”

“Tomorrow’s gunna suck,” Emma said, the uptick in her voice letting Regina know she was trying to make a joke, and she actually found herself laughing, more from relief that she had Emma back than anything else.

“It won’t,” she chuckled as she kissed Emma’s cheek. “We’re going to have fun. Just close your eyes, baby. Don’t worry about anything.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been pretty sick this last week, so apologies for not getting anything out Sunday. I'll try this next weekend. I got tested today to see if maybe COVID is what's going on, but don't worry I've been much sicker. I just feel pretty crap.
> 
> So tomorrow is Thanksgiving in my country, and I think this is the first major holiday we're all going to have where we might not be able to spend time with the people we want. I, obviously, will be hanging out at home by myself to make sure I'm not spreading stuff, BUT I have a ton of things to be grateful for! For starters this amazing following!
> 
> This is kind of a thank you chapter to everyone. Even though I've been sick, I wanted you to have something for this particular holiday to read just say thank you for all of the support. Hearing from you as a reader really inspires me, and I hear really nice things. So honestly, thank you.
> 
> If you do celebrate tomorrow, have fun, be safe, and eat a LOT of food!


	26. The Zoo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Check End Notes for News

The sun was rising over the ocean, burning orange and bright against the lids of Regina’s eyes. She wasn’t sure at what point she fell asleep, or if she truly had managed any type of real rest. Her memory was peppered with tiny visions of dreams and waking to cradle Emma closer to her.

Her partner was wedged in between her and the arm rest of their large reclining chair. Her legs were splayed over Regina’s, her face tucked into the nape of Regina’s neck, one hand tangled into Regina’s shirt. Her breathing was shallow, puffs coming out shakily and hitting Regina’s skin.

She hadn’t taken any of her medication after the attack, which was the first in a long time that she hadn’t. But Regina could tell the difference now. Emma was stirring much more than she would have if she’d had taken her Xanax. She would have been breathing more heavily if she had as well.

Regina tightened her hold on Emma, feeling the ache in her own joints from laying in their position for as long as they had. As she combed her fingers through Emma’s hair, she heard a tiny whimper as Emma came to.

“Sshh…good morning, darling,” Regina whispered, turning to kiss the top of her partner’s head.

Emma responded by nuzzling further into Regina’s neck, and her lips touched the skin there to suckle lightly. She gave another little whimper that vibrated off Regina’s skin, making Regina tighten her hold around Emma’s body.

“You okay?” Regina asked.

Emma unlatched and gave an exhausted grunt before sighing and pulling herself upright. Regina saw her blink heavy eyes, brows furrowing as she looked out the window to the docks below. “How did we get here?” she slurred heavily with sleep. But she answered her own question as her face twisted in pain, and Regina felt her try to stretch out her limbs. Emma was always very sore after having a flashback from the rigid way her muscles contracted in the middle of them.

She brought a hand up to her head and rubbed. “Ow…” she groaned.

Regina gave a sympathetic noise and leaned forward to kiss that aching head. “Why don’t we nurse, and then you need some Tylenol. Okay?”

Emma kept blinking, and Regina saw tears begin to pool at the bottom. It sent a pain right through Regina’s heart. She hated that look. That look of hurt and confusion and also frustration. Emma was so frustrated that she couldn’t keep this under control. She tried so hard to put on a brave face, but in moments of weakness, like now, it burned bright.

“Oh…baby,” she wrapped her arms around Emma then, pulling her down and holding her tightly as Emma’s hand went up to clasp her shirt and make a fist. Emma’s sniffles could be felt against her chest.

“I’m sorry,” Emma whispered, a breaking at the end of the word that made Regina swallow the lump in her throat.

“No, Emma,” she said kindly. “Don’t be sorry.”

“It’s just…”

“I know,” Regina shushed her, cradling Emma to her chest. “I know. It’s a lot. And it isn’t fair. I know.” She brought a hand away from around Emma to lift up her shirt, and motioned to guide Emma down.

Emma took the queue, scooting down till her head was cradled in the bend of Regina’s arm, and Regina felt hot lips envelope her nipple. The familiar, gentle tug that beckoned her milk came, wrapping a new sensation of peace around Regina. She felt Emma’s body sigh into it, and she followed suit, resting her cheek to the top of Emma’s head.

“That’s it, darling,” she murmured, eyes stinging at the sudden relief that hit her, both at having her milk released and at feeling Emma melt against her. The anxiety was lifting from her partner, and she was providing it, and it never ceased to amaze her that she could give this to Emma and have it feel so complete.

“We’re going to take it day by day,” she whispered against Emma’s hair. “And today, we are going to just have fun with Henry. Okay?”

She was anticipating a tenseness in Emma at the mention of the boy, but none came. Looking down, she saw Emma’s eyes dark and hooded, and realized that she had fallen under. She was hearing the tone of Regina’s voice, but not necessarily the words. Whether from desperation or exhaustion, Emma had slipped into Little Space.

A smile split on Regina’s face, and she caressed Emma’s cheek with a gentle thumb. In response, Emma took hold of the breast she was attached to and tenderly kneaded, coaxing more milk to flow. The closest way to describe the sensation was a warm chill, pleasant and buzzing as she felt Emma’s tongue lap at the results. It wasn’t a gesture Emma was prone to when she was Little, and looking down at Emma now, Regina could see that she was in that in between space, drifting in and out due to her exhaustion. She wondered how they were going to get through their day that they had planned. But she reminded herself, step by step was the best approach.

So, when Emma finished, Regina decided to take her through the rest of the morning step by step. Smiling, she coaxed Emma to her feet. As sore as she was, Emma looked much worse. Swaying a bit on her feet, Emma stuck her fingers in her mouth, and Regina brought her in for a hug as she dipped her hand down to check her diaper. Not wet.

“Come on, sweetheart,” she whispered. “Let’s take a shower.”

Emma gave a little shiver, but nodded, and Regina led them to the bathroom and turned the water on. She stripped herself of her clothes quickly to tend to Emma, untaping the diaper and unwrapping it from hugging Emma’s hips. The act made Emma suckle hard on her fingers, but Regina ignored it and didn’t take the soother away just yet as she threw out the diaper and had them both step under the steaming water.

A chill went through Emma, and Regina stepped in behind her, wrapping her arms around Emma’s waist and resting her chin on Emma’s shoulder as the water cascaded down Emma’s chest. Regina felt the tight skin there, and the jagged bones. It made her heart sink.

“I think the only thing keeping meat on your bones is my milk,” she whispered in the shell of Emma’s ear.

Emma didn’t answer but leaned back against Regina and sighed. Kissing Emma’s cheek, Regina went to work lathering them both up. She washed herself quickly before she carefully went over every inch of Emma’s body. Emma liked to wash Regina’s hair, run her fingers into the locks and scratch lightly at Regina’s scalp. She let Emma do that now as they faced each other. As Emma did she held the tail end of Emma’s hair and lathered the shampoo in.

“You like to do Mama’s hair, baby?”

Emma nodded. “I like the curls.”

Chuckling, Regina stepped Emma under the water and rinsed out the shampoo before following after. Getting them out of the shower, she wrapped them both up in their fluffy bath robes. It was the first time Emma seemed to really relax, and she sighed as she fell against Regina, who caught her and wrapped her arms around that skinny body. She gave a light laugh as she swayed them back and forth, kissing Emma’s wet hair. “My sweet girl. Let’s get you dry.”

She took her time drying Emma’s hair and then her own, Emma sitting dutifully and watching until Regina gave Emma her toothbrush. She was going to brush her own hair straight when Emma put her hand out to take the brush, shaking her head.

“No?” Regina smirked at her girl, who was sitting on the bathroom counter still holding her toothbrush, though she’d finished brushing them already.

Emma shook her head. “I like it curly.”

Smiling, Regina leaned in to give Emma a soft kiss on the lips. “Okay,” she said, and grabbed Emma under her arms to help her off the counter.

They dressed for cooler weather, though it was starting to turn with the coming of April. Regina couldn’t believe how strange the time felt. Like it was speeding up because of how busy they were but felt eternal because of the worry. Every day Ruby was missing was another marker and one less kernel of hope. Every day was so packed with their tasks that they seemed like minutes.

She shook that thought off as she sat Emma at the table and brought out apple slices and peanut butter and honey; one of Baby Emma’s favorite treats. Regina would sit her on the floor with a blanket under her and give Emma a mound of peanut butter and honey alike for Emma to dip her apple slices in, getting the sticky treat all over her hands and face. Baby Emma thought this was hilarious, and Regina always got the feeling that until then, Emma had been denied that type of free reign to food and messes that any child with doting parents got. She’d been given scraps for food with absolutely no treats, and messes weren’t cute, they were a burden to clean up.

Despite these suspicions, Regina never asked the toddler about it. She never wanted to remind Emma of any time before her, she never wanted to put her back in that place. She was determined to give Baby Emma as happy of a childhood as she could with her brief visits. Giving Emma this bit of freedom with a snack was something Regina took endless pleasure in.

Little Emma, however, who despite the slight slipping, still held the weariness of the night before and worry for the day ahead, just eyed the treat warily.

Sitting next to her, Regina picked up a slice and dipped it in the peanut butter. “You love this when you’re regressed,” she said fondly. She saw Emma’s brows come down and furrow as she stared at the food. When Regina brought the slice to her mouth, she saw Emma swallow and hesitate. Sighing, Regina gave Emma a worried look. “Emma, I know you’re not hungry. But you do need to eat. You’re losing too much weight. I’m worried.”

Emma’s eyes trailed up to Regina’s, and she saw them gloss over. “I’m sorry,” she whispered, her face turning a shade of pink with her regret.

Tucking a wayward strand of Emma’s hair behind her ear, Regina smiled at her. “You don’t need to be sorry, baby. But you do need to try and eat.”

Emma nodded, and took the apple slice offered to her, taking a small bite and chewing slowly.

Handing Emma the rest of the apple slice, Regina stood up and kissed the top of Emma’s hair. “Good job. Keep eating. I’m going to get you some orange juice. Take your time.”

“We gotta pick Henry up soon,” Emma said, making the point that they didn’t have all the time in the world for her to nibble on her food.

It prompted Regina to lean down to Emma’s level, and she rubbed Emma’s thigh. “You let me worry about when we’re leaving. You,” she nodded to the plate in front of her Little, “worry about what’s happening right now. Okay? Mama’s taking care of everything.”

Emma gave a small nod, and took another nibble of her apple slice. Regina stood back up and kissed the top of Emma’s head. “That’s my girl.”

She came back with Emma’s juice in a sippy cup, and she saw Emma bite down on her cheeks, deep in thought as she eyed it.

“What is it?” Regina asked, sitting back down, and sipping at the coffee she’d made herself.

Emma shrugged at first, but when Regina raised her eyebrows as a clear sign she was expected to explain, Emma said: “wanna stay home.”

That wasn’t exactly what she meant, Regina knew. It wasn’t that Emma didn’t want to see Henry, or didn’t even want to go anywhere. What she meant was that she knew that once they walked out their front door, she needed to change head spaces, and sore and exhausted, she wished she didn’t have to. Sometimes, Emma just wanted her Mama.

Regina gave her a smile and leaned forward, pressing their foreheads together. Emma gave a sigh that almost came out a whimper, and Regina cupped Emma’s cheek in her hand. “We are going to go and have some fun. And we’ll take it easy. Then we’ll come home and have the night just to ourselves. But you? You are going to be yourself today. Okay? You want to bond with Henry, you bond with Henry. You want to make decisions and be a big girl, you do it. You want to have fun or go crazy, do it. You want me to check in on you, I will check in on you. You don’t have to choose.”

Emma pulled away slightly and gave Regina a questioning look. But Regina just smiled again. “Baby, listen to me. These absolutes that you always have, that you need to be one hundred percent one or the other? It doesn’t have to be that way all of the time. And I think…I think it’ll help you get control of your regressions.”

When Emma said nothing, just continued to worry the inside of her cheeks, Regina cocked her head to the side. “What do I always tell you Em? About who you are?”

Emma pursed her lips. “That I’m your baby?”

“That’s right. No matter what. That little girl who draws me those pictures you hate? She’s my baby. This one right here?” she pointed to Emma’s chest. “She’s my baby. The grown ass woman who threw herself on somebody last night to protect me? That’s my baby.”

“But you act different with them all…don’t you?” Emma asked, her voice that in between that Regina loved. She could point out all these different tones in her sleep.

“I do. But at the end of the day, my goal is the same. To keep you loved. To keep you safe. To be with you. Sometimes that depends on where you’re at. Particularly if you’re regressed. It never changes, it _flows_. You’ve always given yourself so many lines, you’re always so rigid with them. Like when you’re so tired and want to fall under, but you can’t let yourself do it until you just crash. I’ve told you before; it doesn’t have to be that way.”

“So I can…be both? Kinda like when I went undercover as a Little?”

This made Regina chuckle and she rolled her eyes. Trying to get Emma to understand in-betweens was like squeezing juice out of a turnip sometimes. Her whole life, Emma had been given these absolutes that she had to abide by. It was survival. Now, when she didn’t need them anymore, these old habits died hard. “Well, I’m hoping for something a little more…straightforward than that. Dishonesty is the exact opposite of what I’m talking about here.”

“But…how will you tell?” Emma asked, and it didn’t escape Regina’s notice that as Emma licked peanut butter off her finger, it stayed in her mouth, and she began to suckle.

Leaning forward and kissing Emma on the cheek, Regina reached for those fingers and took away Emma’s soother. She kissed the back of Emma’s hand where her engagement ring was. “I know you, my love. But if I ever am in question, I’ll ask. Okay?”

Emma seemed to think about this, and though she looked confused, the ultimately nodded. They would need to work on it, Regina knew. Emma getting in touch with her Little side hadn’t happened over night. Getting her to be more fluid with her headspace probably wouldn’t either. But they had to start somewhere.

***

Mr. Duncan was his usual pleasant businessman self when they picked up Henry. He gave Emma a calm smile, and nodded to Regina, who had to work hard to keep her protective mode under control and not just snarl at him as she stood in front of Emma and Henry like she was protecting her cubs.

Emma was too out of it to really pay much attention to him, and she gave him a noncommittal nod, but Henry took all her attention away when he came barreling down the hall and face-planted in Emma’s stomach, his arms wrapping around her. Regina saw Emma give a little wince since she was sore, but after a that moment of hesitant surprise, she answered the hug with her own. Regina saw a little grin tip the corner of Emma’s mouth up, and it nearly took away all the ache in Regina’s chest.

Henry, however, seemed not as jovial as they had anticipated him being as they got him in the car. He kept biting at his inner cheeks, reminding Regina of something Emma did in her high stress moments as he held his backpack tight.

“What’s with the face, kid?” Emma said from the front passenger’s seat. Regina got on the highway and headed to the same neighborhood as their future house. “Come on, we’re gunna have fun today.” Despite the tiredness in Emma’s voice that Regina easily recognized, she doubted it was coming across to Henry. Emma was putting on a brave face, just like Regina knew she would, despite feeling sore and tired.

Henry gave a polite smile, and shrugged, the sandy colored mop on top of his head had Regina thinking that before they needed to do anything, they should stop at the barber shop. How often did he get his hair cut? What was the funding for something like that?

He was also wearing the same jacket, scarf and shoes that she had seen him in nearly every time they saw each other. His jeans were higher around his ankles than they should have been, telling her he was growing, and his clothes weren’t keeping up. She wondered if he had more than five articles of clothing to his name. She made a mental note to ask Emma about this later. Henry shouldn’t have to go without. If they could do anything for him, it was getting him the clothes he needed.

“I know, it’s just…” but he trailed off, looking out the window.

“What is it?” Regina asked, continuously flashing looks at him from her rearview mirror. She had adjusted it to his height; a tiny little guy in her back seat with teeth too big for his mouth and holding his backpack like a safety blanket.

“I’m getting moved again,” he said finally. “To some family in Dorchester.”

Regina tried not to visibly wince, but she instinctively hated the idea of Henry going further away in the city. If she and Emma got their house in Winchester, and Henry was all the way in Dorchester, that would make it much more difficult to see him. She didn’t even want to think about the family he was going to. Before her relationship with Emma, Regina had been under the impression that anyone willing to take a foster child into their home were well put-together, well-intentioned adults who believed that a child they took deserved to feel they belonged to a family. Emma had stripped her of that fantasy quickly with not only her own stories, but stories of other kids she knew in the system. It turned out not to be very difficult to become a foster parent, and it also paid. There were plenty of people willing to take advantage of that system, Emma said. Some were great. Others weren’t. And who a child ended up with was luck of the draw.

“Don’t sweat it, kid,” Emma shrugged, not picking up on Henry’s energy or Regina’s reaction, it seemed. Emma had developed tough skin, though it was mainly a façade. Perhaps she felt acting that way now would put Henry at ease. “I lived in Dorchester before. Do you get to stay at the same school?”

“Yeah, but,” Henry sighed. “It’s the only time I’ll be able to see Grace and Violet now.”

“Henry, it’s going to be alright,” Regina said, flashing a look Emma’s way, and this time Emma caught it. She seemed to understand then that maybe she should be being more sympathetic, and she gave Regina a reassuring smile. “If you need anything, Emma and I will still be there. Okay?”

Henry pressed his lips together, looking unsure.

“Hey,” Regina looked in the mirror again and smiled. “Why don’t you look in that bag I’ve got on the ground by you?”

Henry, who in a better mood would have probably been checking every crevice of her car, had not paid any attention to the Barnes & Noble bag she had placed there earlier. But now that his attention was brought to it, Henry honed in and snatched it up.

“Woah!” he cried, pulling out an entire collection of brand new graphic novels. “Are these the new X-Men!?”

Regina laughed. “I have no idea. The gentleman at the shop said that you would like them.”

As Henry was ogling his new items, Emma gave Regina a surprised look. “When did you get those?” she mumbled.

Regina shrugged. “I had some time the other day.”

She saw Emma continue to gaze at her, a queer little smirk, but Henry cut in.

“How long can I keep them?” he asked, surprising Regina.

She laughed. “They’re yours.”

Henry suddenly looked mystified, and his mouth dropped open as he looked from Regina down to the books. “Thank you,” he said, he jaw still slack with awe.

Regina felt an all too familiar tug on her heart as she watched the same facial expression come across Henry’s face that Emma always got way back in the beginning of their relationship: uncomfortable with such a gift, but also feeling incredibly lucky that somebody thought they deserved one.

“Emma, the other day I saw you, you really liked my Avatar novels.”

He Emma’s attention at that, and she threw her head back at him curiously. “Your what?”

“My Avatar novels!” he repeated, and dove into his backpack, grabbing a stack of the familiar well-worn collection of comics Regina had seen him show Emma last week. He handed them to Emma. “See? You really liked Toph,” he explained as Emma gingerly turned the pages. “I was telling you all about her. You don’t remember?”

Emma just shook her head silently as she studied at the pages. She looked uneasy, Regina saw, at the mention of Henry seeing her regressed.

Henry was in a noticeably happier mood after receiving his gift. He talked the entire forty-minute drive about the characters in his new comics; names that Regina could not retain, and certainly would never be able to figure out how any of them were related to one another. Emma had a little easier time identifying, but even she gave up after a while and just let him talk.

When the finally reached their destination, Henry pressed his hands and face against the window, leaving thick marks that harkened Regina back to the first day they had met him, and she felt a not unpleasant swelling in her chest.

“Where are we?” he asked.

“The zoo,” Emma answered. “I’ve wanted to come here for ages.”

“The zoo!?” Henry nearly squealed and worked fast getting his seatbelt off. Regina rushed her car in park so he wouldn’t be jumping out of a moving vehicle.

Henry bounced the whole way through buying tickets, and he surprised both Emma and Regina by taking one of their hands each, happily marching his way into the entrance in between them. Emma made eye contact with Regina, and while she looked stricken, Regina gave her a reassuring smile.

It was the first time Regina felt that there was something of a normal family happening here. Anybody could look on them and see two mothers walking their little boy into the zoo. That both terrified her and made her swell with pride as she glimpsed Emma’s engagement ring. Never in her life could she picture a more perfect family for herself.

It proved to be a task keeping up with both Henry and Emma, the latter slipping into a comfortable in between of adult and kidding around with Henry. While she clearly hadn’t completely accepted Regina’s suggestion that morning, Regina also knew that Emma didn’t realize she was doing it. It seemed to come naturally as she was trying to relate to her younger brother. And that, Regina realized, was also coming more naturally than she could have ever hoped.

Regina watched the unlikely siblings as they found interest in the same animals (big cats and orangutans), walked in the same manner and made the same gestures. Even wanted the same things during their outing. It didn’t take long for Henry to crave ice cream, and even though Emma was still feeling the effects of last night, Regina saw her eyes brighten at the idea as well.

“Do they have sundaes?” Henry asked as he stood on his tiptoes to try and read the menu behind the counter of the kiosk.

“Negatory,” Emma said, squinting to read. “They’ve got frozen yogurt. Vanilla, chocolate, or swirl.”

“Swirl,” Henry said matter-of-factly, getting a nod of approval from Emma. That was usually her go-to as well, Regina knew.

Regina also realized that Emma was losing her rigidity, loosening up by the minute as Henry continued to act as if the two women in charge of him had always been in his life. His comfortability with strangers was not something that Emma had learned in the system. Henry was much more adventurous, much more trusting, much more optimistic than Emma. Regina wondered if, at Henry’s age, Emma had been more like him. Before the things that happened after changed her forever.

But then she remembered that no, Emma wasn’t like that. The toddler version who made appearances did not think much of strange adults, though she warmed up eventually. She was cautious and reserved.

Now, as rigid and guarded as Emma was, her walls were starting to fall down around her as the boy sank further and further into their hearts. Regina didn’t think Emma was aware of it, but she could see it happening before her eyes. Emma was starting to open up. Just like she had watched Emma do with her at the start of their own relationship, she was watching it happen with Henry. The little ways the two siblings were alike seemed to bring them together in the times where Emma would otherwise pull away.

She was also observant like Henry. She was artsy like him too. Once a subject came up she liked, she talked and talked, just like Henry. And she was stubborn. My god, she was stubborn, Regina chuckled to herself. And Henry…well, he’d proven that way too.

“There’s a reptile show in a half an hour,” Emma announced as she and Henry sat on a bench with the map of the zoo spread out across their laps. “I wanna see that.”

Henry shook his head. “No. We gotta talk first.”

“Talk?” Emma whipped her head up and looked at Henry as if what he had said was absolutely crazy. “They’re going to be showing giant man-eating snakes to us, and you want to have a talk?”

But Henry didn’t look amused. He set his face, brows scrunching on his forehead and lips frowning. “About Ruby. You promised.”

There wasn’t a single other thing Henry could have said to knock the wind so quickly out of Emma’s sails.

“Oh,” she sighed. “That.”

“You said you knew she was missing.”

Regina felt her heart tighten at the sad look on Henry’s face, and also the way that the little happiness Emma had gained so far that day had been sucked out of her. This was another layer: the heartache of Ruby gone, the worry of what could happen to her, the dread that it was already too late. But now also the finesse of explaining all of that to a little boy.

“Look,” Emma started, rubbing the back of her neck nervously, and looking anywhere other than at Henry. “It’s complicated.”

Henry’s face twisted at that, and he looked disgusted. “Adults always say that,” he complained. “Always say it’s too complicated or I’m too young or I’ll understand when I’m older.”

Emma’s jaw dropped, as if she couldn’t believe he was lumping her in with that crowd. And Regina saw her experiencing, not for the first time, the hardship of trying to translate to a child without any practice in doing so. This was a muscle. A muscle that if it didn’t get worked, wasn’t good at doing any heavy lifting.

So Regina bent down on one knee to be at Henry’s level as he sat brooding on the zoo bench. She chucked him under his chin with her fingers, prompting him to look up to meet her eyes, and she smiled. “Look, Henry, we really don’t know how to explain, because we don’t know where Ruby is. Or what happened to her. She was just gone one day.”

Henry’s eyes widened at that, and he looked from Regina to Emma, and back again. “But…you’re looking. Right?”

“Yeah, kid, we are,” Emma answered. “It’s just not proving to be so easy. Look, I’m not trying to not tell you things because I think you’re too young or you can’t handle it. I think you and I both know you could.”

And Regina saw a little shadow pass over both of their faces. There it was again: that understanding between two foster kids that only the other could possibly understand. Both Emma and Henry had experienced things that Regina never had when she was their age, if ever.

“It’s that I really don’t have anything to tell you. Except…I don’t think she went anywhere willingly.”

That last part came out thickly, and Regina looked at Emma to give her both a sympathetic look and a one of warning to not say too much. Henry may be able to handle a lot, but that didn’t mean he had to, or that he should be expected to take on unnecessary burdens. Regina’s biggest regret for Emma was that she hadn’t had a childhood without burdens. She worked so hard to try and change that when her toddler showed up. She didn’t want to see Henry take on any more than he clearly already was.

But Emma seemed to understand that. She stopped at those words as she put her arm around Henry’s shoulders. “But look, I’m working on it, okay? I’m looking for her. And I won’t stop until I find her.”

Henry’s face was still brooding, but he eventually nodded his head in all seriousness. This was a boy used to being told there wasn’t anything he could do about his situation.

Emma kept her arm around his shoulder, and nudged him kindly. “Come on,” she said, giving Henry her lopsided grin. “Let’s go see a bunch of scaly creatures. And I’ll even get you another ice cream afterwards. To make up for the sundaes you haven’t gotten from Ruby.”

It perked up Henry enough to comply, and Regina felt her heart grow lighter at watching the two walk together down the way.

At the reptile display, Henry was chosen to help the presenter hold a giant python. And this had Regina completely at the edge of her seat, her eyes sharp and ready to jump out and grab the boy at the slightest wrong twitch from the animal. But Henry looked absolutely delighted at being picked, as if nothing so special had ever happened to him before. And perhaps it hadn’t.

He didn’t seem at all perturbed to stand up in front of the crowd of people watching, attention solely on the giant white and yellow reptile who despite Regina’s anxiety was laying docile against Henry’s tiny arms. He had to lean back to hold it, his face split in a huge grin as he looked down at the creature in his arms in awe. Eventually, Regina couldn’t help but smile as the rest of the audience clapped for the brave helper. Emma clapped loudest, it seemed, and Regina watched her sideways to see a bit of glee and also a prideful glow. It wasn’t an expression she got to see very often, at least not in her adult Emma, and she nudged her. Emma looked up and blushed a little as Regina smiled down.

Henry could not stop talking about the snake, demanding when they sat down for lunch that he was allowed to take out his notebook and draw his version of her. Regina watched as he nearly sat half in Emma’s lap, and Emma, for the first time, didn’t flinch. Instead, she looked over his shoulder with deep interest as he started to draw. He had made a few outlines around the subject in the middle, and she pointed asking what they were, how he was planning on executing the art, and even gave him a few pointers.

Regina watched them, and it occurred to her that she may very well be watching their first bond. Baby Emma and Henry already had one, and Regina had wondered since that time if maybe Emma’s bigger problem with that encounter had not been embarrassment, but that she learned how well the two of them had got on. So quick and easy. Emma didn’t get attached quickly or easily to anybody, and Henry was no exception. Emma may have been envious of how easy it had come to her younger self.

But looking at them now, Regina watched it clicking. Emma and Henry were very different, but also very alike. They had an understanding of each other that nobody else could have. Given the same fate by the same person. That’s what family, no matter how removed, really was sometimes.

Regina made sure the day ended in the giftshop, and while Emma and Henry spent their time at a science toy that they could demo in one of the corners, she found two t-shirts, a sweater, and a jacket that would fit Henry. He seemed to like blue, red, and grey, so she took her time finding those colors that didn’t have giant Boston Zoo logos on them. She doubted a kid wanted to look like he had received all his clothes from the same place.

Henry, however, was so in awe of the gifts as they left, that the logo wasn’t even mentioned. Henry and Emma were chatting as they walked out, Regina behind them with a giant bag full of items. She beckoned him over. “Open your backpack,” she instructed.

When she brought out the clothes for him to put in his bag, Henry gaped down at the items. “What is all this?” he asked.

Chuckling, Regina said, “you’re growing out of the clothes you’re in right now. These should last you until Summer.”

Henry said nothing, just staring with an open mouth at the shirts and sweaters and jacket. “For me?” he finally stammered.

Regina saw Emma wince, and couldn’t help but feel the growing lump in her throat as she recognized the look. It was that wounded child, the one who’d been abandoned and never given anything. Watching Henry have it now looked downright painful to Emma, and she looked away quickly, probably to avoid Regina seeing it.

Too late.

What were they going to do about this?

But she kept a brave face, smiling as she ruffled Henry’s hair. “Of course they are for you. Here, put them in your bag. They have someone who washing your clothes?” she asked, trying to make quick work of this exchange. She didn’t want to prolong any type of discomfort on Emma’s part.

Henry simply nodded as he took the items, placing them carefully in between the graphic novels.

Both Emma and Henry chatted excitedly about their favorite parts of the day on the way home, and both fell asleep at nearly the same time too. Regina found herself constantly checking her rearview mirror and next to her, laughing to herself at the two pees in a pod that had exhausted themselves and finally had a sugar crash. Emma was clearly exhausted from the night before, though she had done well that morning considering.

It was the first time Regina remembered Emma’s attack since they had picked up Henry.

He was apprehensive as they took him back to that dental office of a children’s home. Squeezing both Emma and Regina’s hands tightly, lips sucked in between his teeth. When the receptionist, the same edgy bored looking woman from the first day they had came there who Regina remembered as Miss Gene came around the counter to take Henry, Regina felt his palm go sweaty before he released her hand quickly. He was probably trying to avoid her noticing. She noticed. Regina looked sideways at Emma, but was taken aback to see that she’d gone blank. If she’d noticed the sweaty palm, she was not giving off any vibes that she had. She wasn’t emoting anything at all. She was in survival mode. And it had happened quickly, like a flash. Regina hadn’t seen her do that in…forever.

She felt sick to her stomach. And grew sicker as they said goodbye and walked away. But they would see him again in a week, she told herself. Maybe by then, their lives will be in a better place. She could only hope to be that lucky, that Ruby was that lucky.

Emma remained quiet in the car for some time before Regina finally asked: “was it too much? The gifts?”

Her partner nearly jumped, as if only realizing she was there for the first time. But she shook her head, her face brooding. “No,” she said. “It was really thoughtful. I mean…he might get bullied at the home because kids are jealous but…”

Dread filled Regina at that, and then guilt. “I didn’t even think about that. God,” she nearly let her forehead touch the steering wheel as she took in that harsh reality.

“Don’t think about it,” Emma said quickly, reaching over to put a hand on Regina’s thigh. She squeezed lightly. “That isn’t a reason to let him go without. Besides, he’s leaving there soon anyway. He’ll be alright.”

Taking a deep breath, Regina said carefully: “him going to new strangers doesn’t make me feel much better.”

Emma said nothing. She just gazed out the window, but Regina could see that whatever survival mode she had threw herself in to not give off any emotions in Mercy House was gone, and she was back, raw, pensive, tired. It was time to go home and rest.

***

The apartment door closed behind them, and while Regina busied herself putting her purse down and her jacket off, Emma let out a huge sigh. It sounded like relief, but also of course, exhaustion.

Smiling, Regina stepped forward and put her arms around Emma’s waist. Immediately, Emma dove in to snuggle into the crook of Regina’s neck, and her fingers came up to her mouth.

“Did you have a good day, sweetie?” Regina whispered, moving to take the fingers out of Emma’s mouth. But Emma was quick and turned her head to avoid having to lose her soother. Chuckling, Regina pulled them apart and tapped Emma on the nose before removing her fingers. “My little stubborn girl. Let’s get in our jammies and then maybe have some dinner?”

Emma’s nose wrinkled at the last part, but Regina just took her hand and led her to the bedroom, where she guided Emma down to the bed. Leaning over her, she kissed Emma’s cheek with feather kisses until she had Emma giggling with tickles. Emma tried to ward her off, though she wasn’t giving it much effort. Letting up, Regina went to the bedside and grabbed Emma’s pacifier, bringing it to Emma’s lips.

Emma took it instantly, and Regina saw her entire body visibly sigh as she began to suckle. Her eyes drifted closed as Regina went to grab Emma’s changing items. It was early in the afternoon, but after last night and the busy morning they had had, Regina decided it was going to be just the two of them in lounge mode. And she wanted her Little One and for Emma to get some much-needed rest.

It wasn’t until that moment that she felt her own tiredness that she remembered that she herself hadn’t slept much last night, and took a deep breath as she set Emma’s changing items down next to her on the bed.

Emma’s eyes opened at the sound, and she gazed up at Regina with dark eyes, rings underneath them that Regina hadn’t noticed so much in the bright sunlight that day. Still, scooting the changing pad under Emma, she smiled as she unbuttoned Emma’s pants. “We’ll have a little snack and then rest, okay?”

Emma only nodded slightly, fidgeting with her fingers as Regina went to work getting a diaper underneath her bottom and spreading lotion in the crease of her legs. Emma’s eyes fluttered shut again as the baby powder was sprinkled on, and Regina couldn’t help but lean down to kiss an upright elbow as she continued to get Emma taped up.

In the kitchen, Emma sat on the counter, the socked heals of her feet tapping on the cabinet doors as she swung her legs, suckling on her paci and watching as Regina made a quick split pea soup. As it began to simmer on the stove, Regina stood in between Emma’s legs and leaned forward to kiss red, hollow cheeks. “What’s going on in that mind of yours, hm?” she asked quietly as a ghost of a smile tucked on the corner of Emma’s mouth while she was kissed.

Emma answered by throwing her arms around Regina’s shoulder and murmuring “love you,” behind her paci, just barely discernible though Regina had good practice by then of mumbled words as Emma sucked on her soother.

Brushing her lips against Emma’s temple, Regina breathed in the scent of washed hair that smelled like the day’s sunshine and also that scent that was all Emma, and she murmured: “I love you too, my girl. You had fun today. I could tell. Did you enjoy spending time with Henry?”

There was a little hesitation before Emma nodded, as if she almost didn’t want to admit it. But the nod was affirmative and absolute. Regina had also seen it; Emma did enjoy it. She’d enjoyed getting to know her brother more. And Regina could tell that had been more about Emma letting down her guard that day, not being so rigid around Henry that she normally would have. Whether that had come from exhaustion or just the first time they were officially supposed to be together with him, she wasn’t sure. They had finally been able to do something with Henry that had been fun and stress-free. Maybe that would work. Maybe _this_ could work…

“I’m proud of you,” Regina said as she kissed Emma’s temple. “You’re such a good girl, Emma.”

The arms around her tightened, and for a moment, Regina just held her Little One, running her hands along her back where the spine was more prominent than she would have liked. So she finally let go to get the soup off of the stove and poured it into bowls.

She allowed them to eat at the coffee table, turning on one of Emma’s favorite new movies Monsters Inc., and feeding her spoonfuls as she watched. Emma took small bites, but the movie distracted her enough that the time that went by didn’t seem so long, and she didn’t get anxious like she usually did when eating took forever. Regina wouldn’t have allowed this if Emma were regressed; there was a sense of consistency that her toddler needed in order to feel secure, so even when the task was harder, Regina pushed for that order. Tonight, with just her Little One who had had a very big day and a difficult night before, she was going to cut her some slack.

As the movie went on Regina got as much soup into Emma’s tummy as possible. Halfway through, Regina went to the bedroom and grabbed Pankie. As the feeding became less appealing to Emma, and Regina had made sure she had eaten most of her meal, she pulled Emma up to the couch with her and cradled her in her arms. Emma clasped onto Pankie, but her fingers also wound around a button on Regina’s night blouse, fidgeting with it until it opened.

Smiling down, Regina helped let the other buttons on her blouse loose, and she exposed a now full breast to Emma’s lips. With the movie playing softly in the background, Emma latched on. Their bodies sighed together, Regina feeling the pressure ease deep within her tissue as warm lips suckled at her skin, Emma letting go of the last inch of whatever adult mindset she had been carrying. They synced, that incredible connection coming over them, Regina feeling Emma closer to her than ever, even when they made love. She adored this, would never get enough of it.

She saw Emma’s eyes glaze over completely as she let out a happy sigh against Regina’s nipple, and the vibration caused a pleasant buzz through Regina’s whole body.

As the milk left her breast, Regina began to lift them up off the couch, and Emma gave her a wounded look. Regina chuckled as she put a finger in between Emma’s lips and her nipple, forcing her to unlatch, and Emma let out a whimper of protest. “It’s alright, my love,” Regina whispered, lifting Emma to sit up so that she could get on her feet. “Let’s go lay down in our bed, hm? Mama will read you a story.”

Emma simply put her arms out, making grabby hands as Regina stood up, and she took Emma under the arms and lifted her until her legs were wrapped around Regina’s waist. She brought them into the bedroom and laid them down. She had a few books on her nightstand ready and waiting for just an occasion when Emma was too tired to listen to a chapter book, but wanted to hear her mama’s voice. So Regina situated the pillows around them to cradle Emma to her other breast, and as Emma curled into her, she opened the book to read.

Emma watched the pages intently, taking in the pictures, her eyes growing heavier and heavier with each turning of the page. Regina felt the steady suckling against her skin turn soft and sporadic. Luckily her milk was nearly gone, because Emma’s efforts were being won out by sleep.

When Regina finished the book, she began humming a soft tune so Emma could still hear her voice. Her eyes would burst open, and she’d suckle forcefully once, twice, until exhaustion would win out again and her latch would slacken. A little trickle of milk appeared in the corner of her mouth, and Regina wiped it away as she began rocking them. “Go to sleep, my little fighter,” Regina murmured, kissing Emma’s forehead. “Time to sleep now.”


	27. Live Chat Tonight

Hey Everyone!  


As promised, there is a live stream with me tonight on Twitch. You DO NOT need an account to watch the live stream. You do to chat. I will have audio while I play a game and will answer questions about ALSN/ALSM, my novel, the game I'm playing, me (vaguely), books, other great fics, and anything else! Come join us at 8pm Pacific Standard Time here:  



	28. An Old Friend

Emma slept on and off all Saturday afternoon and night, and numerous times, Regina joined her. However, at the end of the night, when Regina had nursed for the last time, she had quite a hard time getting Emma to go down quietly in her crib.

“It’s not fair!” Emma complained tiredly, rubbing her face into her pillow as her eyes smarted.

All Regina would respond with were soothing noises as she sat on the side, rubbing Emma’s back.

“Don’t wanna…” Emma kept saying, but her voice faded farther and farthe away r in her exhaustion, until finally her breathing evened out, and Regina felt the muscles in her back ease as she fell asleep.

It wasn’t easy for Regina to sleep without Emma either. The bed felt so empty without her, even though Regina could feel her presence, could hear Emma’s breathing just beyond the foot of the bed. Every now and then she’d wake and check on her, just to see if she’d broken out in a sweat, if she was stirring; the telltale signs that an attack was coming.

But Emma slept through the night for the most part, only waking once with a weak whimper that Regina answered with shushing noises and a calming tune to hum.

Zelena came over the next morning, trying to look over Regina’s shoulder as she made Emma’s Mickey pancakes.

“Get out of here!” Regina shooed her towards the living room. “You’re not getting my recipe. Go do breathing exercises with Emma. I’ll bring you both breakfast.”

But when she brought out the food, she saw her sister and Emma talking lowly, Zelena’s brows brought down in concern as she watched Emma. As Regina approached, Zelena turned on her. “Did you know that she’s planning on going to see that snake in prison!?”

Regina blanched as Gold’s image popped into her brain. He had been in the background for two days now. She’d tried to speak to Emma about it yesterday, but Emma hadn’t been in the right headspace. She had already decided that morning that if Emma’s headspace didn’t shift enough to discuss it, she’d make Emma put off seeing Gold for another day. This wasn’t something she was comfortable with Emma just walking into blind.

Regina saw her partner swallow, her pale face scrunching up as the food was set down in front of her.

“You’re eating it,” Zelena said simply to that look as she picked up a strawberry off her own plate and bit into it.

Regina held back the acidy in her voice as she sat down. “Leave her be.”

Zelena rolled her eyes but left it as Regina leaned forward to cut Emma’s pancakes up for her. Emma kept her arms to the side as she watched, and Regina could see her calculating in her head. “Finish what you can, honey,” she said in a very different tone than she had used with Zelena.

“So what about it then?” Zelena asked, taking an annoyingly loud sip of her coffee as Regina handed Emma her fork and allowed her to run a piece of her pancake into a glob of syrup.

“Zee. Let’s discuss this after breakfast,” Regina said through gritted teeth, finding her own appetite gone though she tried to make a show of eating so Emma would follow suit.

Emma was taking a long time smearing her pancake in the syrup, so Zelena reached out and took the fork right out of her hand, popping the piece into Emma’s mouth quickly.

Regina felt the grip on her fork tighten, but found it loosening quickly as Emma chewed and glared at her auntie.

“No fair!” she complained. “You didn’t let me be!”

“Eat your breakfast, Dove,” Zelena said calmly, as per usual completely undisturbed by the looks she was getting. “You have a big week and need your strength to do it.”

“Regina says I gotta pack,” Emma said as she stabbed at another piece, as if that was the subject Zelena was referring to.

“Oh lord,” Zelena nearly choked on her coffee. “Did you get the house?!”

“We did,” Regina answered, glad of the subject change. “We have thirty days to move in.”

“Fuck’s sake,” Zelena sighed as she put her mug down, suddenly staring down at her food with the same apprehensive look Emma had been giving her own dish. “You won’t be just a few minutes away anymore.”

Emma looked at Zelena then with wide eyes, and said in all seriousness: “There’s a spare room for you to stay in anytime. But Regina says we’re putting a lock on the outside of the door.”

At this, Zelena threw her head back and laughed as Regina nudged Emma in the side and gave her an amused warning look.

“Well, if you need some help,” Zelena started, looking much cheerier after Emma’s comment. “Then I’m game. I could use the distraction, tell you the truth.”

Emma looked at Zelena then, and Regina could see her expression shift to one of concern: a much more adult look than she had so far had that morning. “Everything okay?” Emma asked quietly.

Zelena looked back at Emma with a sad smile. “I wouldn’t go that far, would you? It’s…survivable. But I could use some company lately.”

Regina felt a pang in her chest as if she’d had the wind sucked out of her, and guilt went through her as it so often did when coming to her sister. Zelena annoyed the living hell out of her, often stepped on Regina’s toes with decision making about Emma, said things on the fly before she thought about the impact of her words. She also would kill for Regina, would and had stopped everything on a dime to help her out, had been her one true friend throughout her entire adult life, even when Regina worked hard to push her away or shut her out. And right now, she was battling addiction and the loss of what may have been her first and only love.

What was more complicated than the feelings you had towards your family members? Regina was sure without her sister, she’d be a lost soul. But sometimes being around Zelena made her insane.

She found herself smiling.

“What’s that look for?” Zelena asked, looking at Regina suspiciously.

Catching herself, Regina shook her head and shrugged. “I’m just happy to take advantage of your offer. Plus, Emma likes having you around.”

“Of course she does,” Zelena said, leaning in to kiss Emma on the cheek, who made a face as she chewed her pancake.

Emma insisted on doing the dishes after breakfast, though Regina kept an eye on her because she wasn’t one hundred percent sure that Emma was one hundred percent adult. That was solidified once they sat down in the living room to get a game plan for what to start packing first, middle and last. Of course, this proved to be much harder than Regina had first anticipated. She had picked their DVD collection on the top of the list, but Emma just shook her head.

“Can’t. I’m gunna watch ‘em,” she stated simply.

“All of them? In the next month? With a thousand things on our DVR?” Regina asked with a smirk and a cocked head.

Emma shrugged her shoulders and mumbled something like “maybe” as Zelena laughed.

“Cooking supplies?” Zelena asked, making both Regina and Emma’s jaws drop simultaneously, though Emma beat Regina to any type of protest she would have made.

“What are we s’posta do? Starve!?”

“Your mummy has ten thousand kitchen utensils, Dove. I’m sure you can go without about half of them.”

Already Regina was exhausted by the time they had made decisions about what needed to go in boxes first, and they hadn’t even begun yet. But she took the discussion as a good sign: Emma and she were moving forward, and even her sister was on board with it. It gave her nearly enough strength for what was to come far ahead of any move.

***

Emma had spent way too much time in the county jail to be even remotely jarred by the surroundings of the prison. The Massachusetts Department of Correction was just an hour outside of Boston’s city limits, but it was still not a trip Regina wanted Emma taking in her barely-functioning yellow bug. Of course, Regina wasn’t going to let Emma go alone anyway, and Emma couldn’t say she was sorry for the company and support. Still, seeing Regina’s shoulders come up nearly to her ears and wince at the slightest clanking sound as they were signing in stirred Emma’s protective mode. She kept a hand on the small of Regina’s back as the entered, fully aware of what her fiancé looked like with her sharp pencil skirt, blazer and high heels to the men who hadn’t seen somebody look nearly that good in who knew how long. Even Emma, with her typical leather jacket leaving everything up to the imagination and her lazy beanie was probably a sight for their sore eyes. She didn’t like the way they were looking at Regina.

But Regina held her head high, and when she noticed Emma’s sturdy hand, she glanced at her with a wink. There was that brave face she tried to put on when she was protective of Emma, but her own emotions were winning out. Emma smiled to herself. She secretly loved it when Regina got this way. It was a rare opportunity for her to be the knight in shining armor.

“When’s the last time you were in a prison?” Emma smirked at her as they were led to sit down at a telephone booth with plexiglass in between them and the other side.

Regina rolled her eyes. “I just send them here. I don’t visit.”

“That’s cold, Miss Mills,” Emma said, feeling her eyes crinkle as she smiled, though she did feel the coldness in her chest seeping in at the prospect of Robert Gold coming down the hallway to come speak to them.

And come he did. Clad in a grey jumpsuit, hair shorter than Emma had ever seen on him, and more creases on his face than ever, Gold was led to sit in front of them on the other side of the glass. The expression on his face told Emma that he was surprised to see them there but was trying not to show it. When he sat down, he stared at them for a moment before he picked up the phone.

Emma mimicked, and immediately he spoke.

“Can’t say I ever expected to see you here,” he said, but he was looking at Regina. The sound reverberated off the phone, and he was clearly audible to her.

Regina just stared back with a cold expression Emma was sure she used in court every week.

Gold smiled as he finally turned to Emma. “What brings you here, Swan?”

“I’m looking for information,” she said, and heard in her voice that monotone sound, like she was empty. Like she was barren. She wouldn’t have recognized it in herself a couple of years ago. Now…she barely ever had it. It was like hearing the voicemail of a long-dead relative. She tried not to glance her partner’s way, but surely Regina had winced at the sound.

Gold, however, took no notice. He just sat back with that same unreadable smirk on his face and said in good spirits: “don’t you owe me a couple favors, not the other way around?”

Before Emma could reply, she heard a snarl next to her.

“Cut the shit, Gold,” Regina seethed. “We’re not here to shoot the breeze with you. She owes you nothing for doing what any decent human being would have done with, I’d wager, _much_ more finesse than you have _ever_ thrown her way.”

That seemed to catch Gold off guard, and he blinked from Emma to Regina before the smirk returned. “I’ve got to say, Mills. I’ve missed our little banters.”

Emma could practically feel the heat radiating off Regina. Under the table, out of Gold’s line of sight, Emma put a calming hand on Regina’s thigh. It was shaking, but it also steadied at the touch.

“Enough, Gold,” Emma said with purpose, giving him a dangerous look that she saved for her more difficult perpetrators. Whether or not it had the same effect on this man was not something she could gauge. “Are you going to give me information or not?”

“Well, that depends on the information, doesn’t it?” he said, sounding bored with the conversation. “And whether or not that information is worth the price you’re going to pay.”

Emma opened her mouth to say something, but closed it quickly. Price? What the hell was he talking about? She didn’t have the same vehemence against Gold that Regina did, but she didn’t feel she owed him anything either.

“You piece of…” Regina started, the words quivering with untamed rage. But Emma squeezed firmly on Regina’s leg to cut her off, and she did very quickly. Whatever it was he wanted didn’t matter. Ruby’s life was worth any price she’d have to pay.

“Name it,” she said.

Regina’s head whipped around to her, and Emma gave her one sideways glance as she covered the receiver with her hand. “Let’s just hear what he has to say,” she whispered.

When she took her hand off the receiver and faced Gold, his smile had grown, and he gave a little chuckle. “She really hates me,” he said, glancing at Regina. “Can’t blame her. But I never meant you any harm, Swan. I did the best with the cards I was delt. Didn’t always mean the best for you, but you were never my responsibility. I had to look after myself and my brother.”

Emma wanted to say that she understood at least that much, but she said nothing. She wasn’t all the way as distrustful of Gold as Regina was, but she could never pinpoint his motivations either. He had hidden her from his father all those years ago, but he probably could have gone about that another way. At the very least, not locked the suitcase. He had literally killed his father last year to save her life, but could that all have been avoided if he’d been honest with Regina from the get-go, told her who was behind the calls Emma had been receiving? Had he been under some type of pressure that they weren’t aware from his father to not? She’d never asked. Hadn’t spoken directly to Gold since that day.

Her stomach twisted.

“No. You can’t blame her,” she decided to say.

Gold shrugged. “Still…I’ve got ten years in here, Swan. Five of which have been tacked on because your little testimony on my behalf didn’t go very well.”

Emma could feel Regina literally rumble as they both knew what was coming.

He turned to Regina. “With your sway in the courts,” he looked at Emma, “and a written testimony by you, maybe we can try and lessen the sentence?”

Emma stared at him. That was it? That’s what he wanted? That had been the original plan anyway. Emma had been all about it, Regina more so, if it meant keeping Emma off the stand. But Regina didn’t look nearly as relaxed at Emma was about the news. Giving Regina yet another sideways glance, she gave her attention to Gold. “You haven’t even heard what I want yet.”

But Gold just shrugged again, looking undisturbed. “To put it bluntly, there’s nothing else I can think of that I want. Even money, or power, doesn’t get me out of my cell. What I want more than anything, Swan, is my freedom.”

Emma took a deep breath, and looked to Regina. There was a reserve in her fiance’s eyes that told her Regina knew what Emma’s choice was going to be. This was for Ruby, after all.

With disdainful reserve, Regina said blandly, “I can’t promise you anything. But if you keep out of trouble in here, it might help my plight.”

Gold gave an impressed smile, and sighed with satisfaction. “Fair enough. I can manage that.”

Finally, she nodded, and then said: “I want information about Key Parties.”

The reaction was instantaneous. Gold’s smirk that he had managed throughout their entire exchange dropped completely. There was an immediate tension in his shoulders that was visible as they hiked up. His good-humored eyes darkened as they flashed once to Regina and then to Emma.

“What,” he said slowly, “Do you know about Key Parties?”

Emma eyed him carefully, trying to assess this seemingly strong reaction. But she tried to look nonchalant as she shrugged. “Only that certain charms on your bracelet count for certain kinks. License plate counts for rough…”

“Shut up!” he spat in a hurried whisper, shocking Emma into silence. His eyes darted around the room, and for the first time, Emma noticed the guards around them, the video cameras above their heads.

It was quiet for a long time as they stared at each other, until Emma finally asked, “What am I missing here, Gold?”

She could see his chest heaving up and down; his breathing had picked up. He looked to Regina then, and said: “you haven’t been around those parties in a while.”

“No,” she said flatly. “I haven’t.”

A sneer then. “A lot has changed.”

“So we’ve gathered,” Emma said, getting annoyed. She was so tired of everyone’s riddles and lies. But Gold’s reaction told her at the very least that she was probably on the right track with this hunch.

“Look,” Gold said, sitting back. “There isn’t…a lot I can tell you. Here.” He said that last word with emphasis, and finally, it dawned on Emma why his eyes had been darting around, why he suddenly looked so nervous. This conversation was being recorded. All visiting conversations in prison were. And apparently information about the Key Parties was something Gold didn’t want them to hear.

Just as Emma was about to give up hope, he said: “Merida DunBrach.”

Emma blinked, leaning forward. “Come again?”

“Just ask around for her. But be careful who you ask. Tell her I sent you. She’ll tell you what you need to know.”

It wasn’t until they were completely out of the prison that Emma heard Regina even so much as take a breath, and she took a long one. “I almost didn’t make it out of there without becoming and inmate,” she seethed.

Emma just snorted. “Nah,” she said, giving Regina a lopsided grin. “You would have gotten out. The women’s prison is in the town over.”

To her relief, Regina gave a short laugh, shaking her head and folding her arms across her chest. “When we get home, strip so I can wash your clothes. And mine. Get the filth out.”

Sighing as she climbed in the car, Emma said, “Well the fact that he sent us to somebody without even asking what we wanted to know about those parties tells me that there’s a big something we don’t know about them.”

Regina looked disturbed as she started the car, and she shook her head. “I don’t believe this,” she said, but then gave a humorless laugh. “Actually, yes I do. Our community…it isn’t always fun and games.”

“I don’t think any communities are,” Emma smiled at her, taking one of Regina’s hands and squeezing. “Others just try to show that they don’t have a dark side. Even when they do.”

Regina looked at Emma then, and the worry in her eyes made that chill go through Emma’s chest. “What are we about to get into, Em?”

Emma shook her head. “I dunno. But whatever it is, I hope it gets us the answers we’re looking for.”

“What if we aren’t ready for them?” Regina said, and the breaking of her voice told Emma that she’d regretted asking.

Emma squeezed the hand she was holding, feeling a vice grip back. “It doesn’t matter,” she said with a sad smile. “We don’t have a choice.”

At those words, Emma felt her phone ringing in her pocket, and gave a little laugh when she saw David’s name pop up on her screen. “Poor guy,” Emma mused aloud. “Has a scare every half hour these days. Hey David,” she answered.

“Em,” his voice was trill with a side of panic. “This isn’t a drill. We’re at the hospital. The baby’s coming. Now”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I can't update next week, but we have some great things coming up for our two heroins. Hope you all are having a decent weekend.


	29. Silver and Gold

Emma was quiet in the car, the kind of quiet that unnerved Regina. She wasn’t sure what she had been expecting as far as a reaction to the new baby, but quiet and brooding hadn’t been on her list. That only meant that where they had just come from was the culprit.

Regina put her hand on Emma’s thigh, and was surprised when Emma jumped. She turned to face Emma quickly, seeing the stricken look on her face as if she’d completely forgotten that Regina was there. “Hey,” she said softly. “You okay?”

Emma didn’t answer at first. Her eyes shifted to the dashboard, and she sighed. “It’s gunna take us forever to get there.”

Regina was going to say that that hadn’t answered her question, but she decided to leave it alone. Instead, she tried distracting Emma. “Can you call Zee? I know she’ll want to be there.”

When Emma didn’t answer, Regina turned her attention away from the road again to look at Emma, who was staring out of the window again, biting the inside of her cheeks.

“Em?”

“Huh?” Emma nearly jumped again, and dread began to fill Regina’s chest. She knew this had been a bad idea. Why had she not fought harder to keep Emma away from that man? She should have thought ahead, and made Belle go see Gold. But she also knew Emma; this was her case, her journey, her best friend that was missing. She’d insist on going to see Gold, and she’d not let anyone take the hit for her. Regina fought with admiring Emma for that, and also feeling like it was something Emma should work on.

But they’d have to talk about that later. Now wasn’t the time. The baby was coming. And the ‘I told you so’ approach was never the way to approach anyone, much less somebody she loved so much. She knew Emma’s intentions were good, and that she was determined. She just needed to be more attentive to her selfcare. Well, that wasn’t anything new.

“Can you call Zee?” she repeated kindly. “Ask her to meet us at the hospital?”

“Oh,” Emma fumbled in her pocket for her phone. “Yeah. Sure. Sorry.”

Regina squeezed Emma’s thigh again. “I don’t need you to be sorry, my love. I just need you to talk to me.”

At that, Emma huffed. “Not much to talk about. Other than the fact that I’ve just been given another damn name to track down. I feel like I’m playing the worst game of telephone.”

“That’s not exactly what I was referring to,” Regina said through her sigh.

For the first time, Emma looked at her, and Regina could feel the shift in the way Emma’s headspace was. She heard Emma swallow hard and take a deep breath. “I don’t know what to say.”

Regina found herself smiling as she felt Emma’s hand take hold of hers, and squeeze.

“That’s okay too,” she whispered.

***

Whatever sense of dread Emma was feeling in the car only escalated as they reached the maternity ward of the hospital. David looked white as a ghost underneath the blue gown and cap the hospital had given him, Killian sitting helplessly in a chair in the outside waiting room. What could he possibly do? Zelena, however, was propped up next to him, giving encouraging words to the two men who looked completely lost in this situation.

“I remember when Regina was born,” she sang, looking away into a clearly fond memory.

“Don’t,” Regina grunted, and Emma looked to see her fiancé’s arms crossed over her chest and glaring Zelena down with a death stare. Clearly, this was a topic that had been brought up before between the two of them.

Zelena’s eyes lit up. “Oh, but you should have seen yourself!” she turned to Killian. “She was so cute. Looked like an undercooked ham. Wailing like a banshee. Doctor said she had serious control over her limbs. She was flailing them around like he’d never seen.”

“I was practicing my right hook for when I’d need to use it on you,” Regina retorted.

“Big black eyes,” Zelena went on, putting her fingers in a circle around her own eyes. But David and Killian weren’t really listening. A nurse came out to whisper something to David, and he looked stricken before turning to Emma.

“She wants to talk to you,” he said.

“Me?” Emma stammered.

David only nodded, and Emma whirled around to Regina, as if she would have the permission she needed. Regina’s face softened from bickering with her sister to giving Emma and encouraging smile. “Go on, love. We’ll be right here.”

Emma hated hospitals. The sterile smell mixed with sick made her stomach churn, bringing a distant memory up to the surface. She didn’t remember much about her time after the incident at the Gold house, but certain smells, certain tastes, gave her this weird impression that she’d experienced it before, and it hadn’t been good. This smell was definitely one of them. Even for a maternity ward that was supposed to be filled with hope and cheer, didn’t sit well with her.

Mary Margaret was laying in a bed, her face a strange palette of both flush and drained blood as if such a thing were possible. Her cheeks were puffy with baby weight and heavy breathing. Emma had noticed a particular glow to her lately, but whether it was the reality of the moment or just the anxiety it brought, Mary Margaret didn’t seem to look as excited as she had recently.

“So, where’s this kid?” Emma asked, announcing her presence.

Mary Margaret took one look at Emma, and her eyes began to smart. “Doctor said not too long now. I can’t do this, Emma. I can’t.”

There was a nurse checking Mary Margaret’s vitals, and she looked from her charts to Emma, and then ducked out quickly, looking unperturbed by the statement made by the soon-to-be mother. She probably heard a lot of second doubts, Emma figured.

Giving her best lopsided grin, Emma approached the side of the bed and shook her head at Mary Margaret. “What are you talking about? You’re going to do great. Besides, it’s a little late for that.”

“But she’s supposed to be here!” Mary Margaret said, and the words nearly knocked Emma over. She stood frozen, stunned, as she looked down at her friend. “We always talked about this. Years and years of being at each other’s weddings and being there when we had kids, and she’s not here with us. It wasn’t supposed to be like this.”

She trailed off at the end, looking away from Emma then, letting the tears fall down her face.

“Yeah,” Emma breathed out, rubbing hard against her neck before sitting down next to Mary Margaret and taking her hand. It felt hot. She was shaking. But then she gripped Emma’s hand hard as she started to pant. “Fuck. Is it…?”

“No!” Mary Margaret said quickly. “No. Just…contractions,” she managed as the pain seemed to stop.

“Dude, better you than me,” Emma managed to grin at her friend. “I couldn’t do what you’re doing.”

Mary Margaret let go of Emma’s hand to put her palm on Emma’s cheek affectionately as she gave a painful smile. “You’re so bad at giving yourself credit. You could pretty much do anything you set your mind to.”

“That’s what Regina always says to me,” Emma shrugged.

Mary Margaret smiled again. “I know. I’m glad you have her, Em.”

Emma took her friend’s hand again and gave a squeeze. “I want her here too. But you can do this.”

“What if…what if she never meets him?” Mary Margaret mused with worry painting every word, but Emma was already shaking her head.

“Don’t. Don’t put that out there.”

“Do you ever miss the old days?” Mary Margaret breathed out, another smaller contraction hitting her, and Emma braced herself for the hand squeeze this time. When it was over, Mary Margaret looked at Emma again, her face flushed. “When it was just the three of us eating a whole pizza and watching stupid movies?”

Emma grinned at the endless memories that she had with her two friends; the only good childhood memories she possessed were with Ruby and Mary Margaret. Their sleepovers and nights at the bowling alleys, Ruby sneaking Emma into her house when she’d run away from her foster families, Mary Margaret bringing her baking goods to school when she knew Emma had to eat the school provided lunches.

“Sometimes,” she went with when the memories made any other word strangle in her throat.

“I think Ruby did,” Mary Margaret sighed, looking far off again. “I worry she felt like we left her in the dust…”

The impact of those words hit Emma hard. She tried to swallow the pain she felt, but it only sunk the hurt in her chest further, deeper.

“Do you remember what Ruby said to us? Just before the wedding?” Mary Margaret asked, snapping Emma out of her guilt. She wracked her brain for what Mary Margaret was talking about, but found herself shaking her head. “She said it had been just the three of us for so long. But she didn’t know what she wanted to do now that it wasn’t that way anymore. And I keep thinking about that. I can’t stop thinking about that.”

“Mary Margaret,” Emma gave her friend a severe look, and squeezed her hand tightly. “You can’t do that to yourself. You didn’t do anything wrong. You’ve got a family to look after. You aren’t responsible for what’s happened.”

“Neither are you,” Mary Margaret stared right back with the same expression. “I know you, Emma. But we’re paying the price. I’m starting a new family without her, and you’re driving yourself crazy trying to find out what happened. Who knows what price she’s paying? She’s not here. She’s supposed to be here…” she trailed off again, and this time she nearly crushed Emma’s hand. The words were more of an inner monologue than trying to make any real sense, and this time she let out a true scream that had the nurse running back in.

The next few moments were a rush of people in blue gowns and Emma being led out of the delivery room, tossed back out into the waiting room, where just Zelena and Killian sat. She stood in a haze of confusion and regret, mulling over Mary Margaret’s words, feeling each and every one of them like a bullet hole in her body. They hurt. This was supposed to be a happy day. And all she did was hurt.

“All right, Little Dove?”

Emma snapped out of it and looked down at the two of them. Killian was fiddling with a ring he was wearing and Zelena looked much more subdued than when they first walked in. Emma sat next to her on a hard plastic chair. “Where’s Regina?”

“Went to get us all coffee,” Zelena said, a bit of distain in her voice. “She’s in a mood. Taking it out on me.”

Emma gave a little snort. “Probably didn’t help you were teasing her when we walked up. But I’ll take the blame this time. We just got back from seeing Robert Gold.”

“Should I ask how that went?” Zelena gave Emma a smile that said she knew the answer.

Emma shrugged. “It went. Honestly…things are kinda happening quick today. I gotta catch my breath.”

Zelena looked at Emma for a long moment before pivoting. “How’s the new mum?”

“She’s…” Emma started, but found a lump form in her throat, making anything else hard to get out. “I dunno. She’s scared, I guess. And sad.”

“Sad?” Zelena’s brows raised. “That’s not a promising emotion for a new mum.”

Emma shook her head. “She wanted Ruby to be here,” she said quietly, looking down at her feet. She felt the silence that followed as much as heard it, could feel Zelena go rigid beside her. Then in the next moment, felt her hand taken, and Zelena tilted her head to rest against Emma’s. Sighing against her, Emma closed her eyes. “I want her here too,” she said so quietly she wasn’t sure if Zelena heard. But she did.

“So do I, Dove.”

Emma closed her eyes and sighed, feeling the weight of Zelena’s head against hers, until she felt Zelena pull away and run her free hand through Emma’s hair. Opening her eyes, she saw Zelena giving her a weary smile. “You’ve been going too hard,” Zelena said. “I want you to rest after this. Spend some time with your mummy. Hm?”

Emma felt her head shaking before Zelena even finished. “I can’t,” she answered. “There’s so much to do…”

“And you won’t be able to do any of it,” Zelena interrupted, “if you don’t take the advice I gave you before. You need to slow down, focus on yourself. It’s important, Little Dove. And…” she stopped as she looked down the sterile, white hallway lined with linen bins and empty gurneys. “So does she.”

Emma turned to where Zelena was gazing to see Regina coming down the hall with a tray full of to-go coffee cups. Emma saw Regina’s pinched face, and felt a new wave of guilt hit her.

“I’m putting her through hell,” Emma blurted out, not really meaning to say the words out loud, but feeling the weight of them.

But Zelena just laughed in response. “My sister would gladly follow you into hell and back again.”

“They didn’t have sweet and low, Killian,” Regina announced as she approached and began handing out the Styrofoam cups.

“Sweet and low?!” Zelena scoffed out a laugh Killian’s way. “I didn’t peg you for a sweet and low type of guy.”

“Eh,” Killian shrugged noncommittally. “I think too much sugar and caffeine might just hype me up right now. And I’ve gotta be on point in case David falls to the floor. Mary Margaret gave me a job.”

Regina gave a humorless snort as she rolled her eyes and handed Emma her cup with a wink. As she did, a scream came from Mary Margaret’s delivery room, and Emma jumped, making her coffee spill on her hand and lap. She hissed out in pain as Regina sprang into action and grabbed the cup out of her hand. She put it down quickly and fished a napkin out of her bag, dabbing Emma’s skin and jeans with it.

“Can’t take you anywhere,” Zelena snickered as she sipped her coffee.

Regina just shook her head and touched Emma’s chin with her fingers. “Are you okay?”

The initial burn was more of a surprise than anything, and Emma could tell that the coffee wasn’t hot enough to cause any real damage. Still, the care Regina had immediately showed her gave her a sudden wave of relief. The familiar comfort of it, the safety it wrapped her in, nearly made her cry out and wrap her arms around Regina and wish them away on their own so she could just feel that comfort fully. She longed for it, despite everything happening at the moment, she wanted it more than anything.

Instead, she nodded as she allowed herself to be wiped down. “Yeah. It just surprised me.”

“Give me that,” Zelena grabbed Emma’s coffee mug and held onto it. “You should have a damn sippy cup in your purse for her,” she said to Regina. “That was the first scream of many.”

That was true. The initial scream drew out longer than Emma thought was possible for Mary Margaret to have breath, and then she let out another one right after. There were incoherent words in between there somewhere, but the most Emma could make out was “can’t” and “fuck”. That last one made her laugh. Mary Margaret wasn’t much for cussing.

After a little while, it became white noise, and Emma was able to sip her coffee without incident, Regina watching her carefully. David came out after a little while face sweaty and white as a sheet. Everyone sat up as he tore off his face mask, but he just shook his head. “She’s resting right now. Doctor says baby’s being stubborn.”

“Can I get you anything, David?” Regina asked hopefully, and Emma smiled to herself that her partner always tried to make herself useful to others to ease her own anxiety.

David just shook his head. “Not unless you can convince my son to walk out of his mom right about now. She’s exhausted.”

Regina smiled. “Not my specialty.”

The afternoon turned into night, but they were none the wiser in the waiting room with no windows or ways to the outside world. The thick hospital smell had long ago seeped into Emma’s clothes and sent her into a state of low consciousness, weary to hype herself up at any level. She felt so on edge there but didn’t want to show any signs of it while Regina was pacing around the room, looking helpless.

“Babe,” Emma called, snapping Regina out of it immediately, showing that Regina was eager to put herself to good use. Emma couldn’t hide her smile of adoration, but also had to hold herself back from reaching out for it. At the very least, the knowledge that Regina wanted to give her what she was craving was its own comfort. “You’re pacing,” she said simply.

Regina just blinked at her, her arms crossed tightly against her chest, until she really took Emma in, and then she knelt in front of her and studied Emma’s face. “You need food. What do you want? I’ll make another trip downstairs.”

The idea of food nearly had Emma presenting the little coffee she’d managed to stomach in front of them, but she tried to hide the pained face. “I’ll come with you,” she said.

But Regina just shook her head. “Stay. Just in case Mary Margaret needs you. I’ll bring you something. Killian, Zee? What do you want?”

“I’m good, love,” Killian said distractedly from playing with his phone.

“I’m not picky,” Zelena shrugged. “Bring me whatever you get the brat.”

Regina gave Emma one last weary look before she stood up and went down the hall.

“Something’s up with her,” Emma sighed, but Zelena just laughed in response. A humorless laugh that showed the tired lines under her eyes.

“She’s worried about you. And me. You know how she gets. Wants to fix everything. I doubt she’s over seeing Gold today, either.”

“Yeah. She really hates him.”

“Can’t blame her,” Zelena shrugged as she took hold of Emma’s hand again. “They didn’t get along before. Then when she found out what he did to you…” she trailed off there, and Emma squeezed her hand back hard when another cry came out of the delivery room. When it was quieter a few moments later, Emma felt Zelena’s hand in her hair again. “I’m serious about taking some time for each other, Dove.”

“I know you are,” Emma answered, trying not to sound irritated. She was exhausted, she was sick, she could think of nothing better than falling asleep in Regina’s arms. But she couldn’t shut her brain off either. There were too many questions, and she had too much worry. “And I want to. But I’ve got…”

“You’ve got to take care of yourself,” Zelena cut her off, and Emma looked to find intense blue eyes giving her a very authoritative look. “What do you think Ruby would have you do if she were here right now?”

Wincing, Emma tried to keep her face from souring. She doubted she had succeeded. “She isn’t here. That’s the point.”

“That is not my point, and you know it. Emma…” she stopped, and Emma saw those eyes mist over. The very few times she’d seen Zelena cry had not been pleasant moments, and Emma felt herself getting emotional just watching it happen. “I miss her too. I…I don’t know if I’ve ever been in love before. Ever. I’ve been infatuated. I’ve been in lust. But never has anyone taken over every part of me like Ruby has. I don’t even know if what this is, _is_ love. I just know its stronger than anything I’ve ever felt. And…I’m heartbroken. But I know what she’d want. I know what she’d say to me right now.”

“What would she say to you?” Emma sniffed back the start of her tears, looking down at her feet miserably.

She heard the smile in Zelena’s voice as she said, “she’d tell me to man the fuck up, sober the fuck up, and probably above all, stop beating myself up.”

Emma looked at Zelena then, and found she was fuzzy from the water in her eyes. “Yeah…” she breathed out. “That last part…she’d say that to me too.”

“I know she would,” Zelena said kindly, leaning forward to touch their foreheads together again. “Do you think she’s…?” but she stopped there, and Emma felt that cold seep into her chest. She didn’t have to hear the end of the question to know what it was Zelena was asking.

“I don’t know,” she whispered. “I feel like I’d know if she wasn’t. I don’t know why…nothing feels the same without her.”

“No, it doesn’t. I come home and the house is so empty. She’s not watching those terrible films with half nude women screaming as they get slashed by a man in a rubber suit. She’s not turning the heater up so high I may get heat stroke. No strange noises coming from her room when she’s doing god knows what. I keep thinking I’m going to hear her ridiculous loud mustang pull up outside, hear the telltale sign of those damn keys jiggling, open…”

“What?” Emma stopped Zelena short, breaking their connection and sitting straight up. She gaped at Zelena, who blinked at her in surprise.

“Her mustang. It was so damn loud…”

“Not that. The keys. What about her keys?”

“Oh,” Zelena shrugged. “You know Ruby. She always had that enormous keychain with fifty goddamn things on it. Never knew why. All she had was your key, our key, and a key to the diner. But she had…”

“Charms,” Emma finished for her hurriedly. “She had a ton of charms on her keychain. Fuck!”

Fuck! How had she not thought of this before? Ruby was always jiggling those stupid keys, always playing with the wolf charm she had, but Emma never paid attention to any of the others, though she must have had a bunch on there for her keys to be so big. She looked back at Zelena, grabbed her cheeks, and kissed them. “Auntie ZeeZee, you’re a genius!”

Zelena just blinked at her, surprised. “Well, finally somebody recognizes it. But, what did I say?”

“Are you two making out behind my back?” Regina quipped, coming up with an armful of snacks, tossing Killian a pop-tart.

“I’m a genius, Bun. Just for the record,” Zelena said, looking both bewildered and proud.

“Of course you are,” Regina deadpanned, rolling her eyes and handing Emma a muffin. “Here, baby. Try to eat this, okay?”

But Emma was barely listening. She was up out of the chair and fishing her phone out of her pocket. “I gotta…” she started to say, but couldn’t finish it. She was in too much of a hurry. As she tried to unlock her screen, a notification popped up of a phone call coming through, and Emma didn’t recognize the number. “Hello?” she answered breathlessly.

“Emma?” It was Henry. Emma inwardly groaned. She felt adrenaline running through her body, making her pace. If she weren’t in such shock, she would have felt relief at her despair being turned into adrenaline. She didn’t even notice Regina watching her and questioning Zelena about what was going on.

“Hey kid. Uh, look, now isn’t a good time. Can I call you back?”

“Can’t,” Henry answered. “I’m at a pay phone.”

“What? Where are you?”

“I’m at the payphone by Mercy Hell,” he explained. “But…I won’t be here later. They’re making me move today.”

“Oh,” Emma let out, feeling just a bit of her adrenaline sober at that announcement. “I thought it was later.”

“It was gunna be. I don’t wanna go.”

“Kid,” Emma sighed, glancing at Regina, who was looking at her with concern. She couldn’t hear the conversation because Emma had stepped too far away, so Emma tried to give her a reassuring smile. “We talked about this. Right?” she asked as she heard nothing from the other end for a while.

“I guess,” Henry said with little assurance in his voice.

“And look, Regina and I will see you Saturday no matter what. Right?”

“Yeah,” Henry said, his voice going monotone. Emma knew that voice. Every foster kid adopted it at a very early age. She felt her stomach tighten, and knew there was no way she was keeping down the muffin Regina had brought her.

“Come on, kid,” Emma tried. “Cheer up. It’s gunna be okay.”

“Yeah,” Henry repeated, same voice. Emma felt her stomach nearly twist into her throat, and she had to choke back in order to get any words out.

“Look, I’ll call your worker, Sabine. Maybe we can see each other before Saturday. Would that be good?”

“Really?” Henry asked, and Emma heard a little more hope in his voice this time.

“I can’t promise you, but I’ll try. Okay? Look, I really have to go Henry. But don’t worry. It’ll all work out.”

“Yeah,” he said sadly. “Okay.” He hung up without saying goodbye, and Emma felt that lump start in her throat again. He could not have called at a worse time, but she couldn’t worry about it at that moment. She needed to call her office.

Graham picked up on the first ring, thankfully. “Hey, Swan. I’ll get August.”

“No, I wanted to talk to you,” she said hurriedly. “Your buddy in evidence. Can he get us in to look at Ruby’s car items?”

There was a pause before Graham gave an uncertain sound. “I dunno. I mean, I can ask. I can’t make any promises though.”

“I don’t need to touch anything or rummage around. I need to see her keys. That’s it. Even if it’s just a photo. You think maybe we can pull that off?”

Again, Graham made the same uncertain sigh. “I’ll check into it.”

“Please,” she said. “And Graham? This is important. Do your best, and do it A.S.A.P. Okay?” As she said that, a long scream came from Mary Margaret’s delivery room, and didn’t stop for a long while.

“Where are you?” Graham asked. “Is August there with you?”

Laughing, Emma shook her head. “Not what you think. My friend’s having a baby. I’m in the waiting room.”

“Oh. Okay. I’ll look into it, Swan.”

“Thanks, man,” Emma said, hanging up as the yelling got louder, and Emma heard David talking over it.

“Sounds like this is it,” Zelena said.

And almost as if on cue, Emma heard the wailing of a brand new voice.

***

Nearly an hour had passed before Emma walked into the delivery room. The lights had been dimmed down, and Emma could see from the window that the sun had set. She glanced around for the clock on the wall and realized they’d been there for nearly ten hours. Mary Margaret had been through one hell of a delivery.

But she was awake now, laying in the hospital bed with a sleeping newborn in her arms. He was swaddled up to her chest and had a beanie over his head, only his face was visible.

“Oh man,” Emma whispered as she came up. “He looks like David. Except squishier. Sorry about that.”

Mary Margaret snorted a quiet laugh but didn’t look up from her son. “He’s perfect.”

“What’re you naming him?”

“We’re thinking of Neil or Baeley.”

Emma reached out and touched the baby’s cheek with the back of her finger. His lips tilted up just a little on that side, showing a tiny grin. It wasn’t until then that it hit her. There was a new member in her family now. She felt a wave of emotion and gave a watery smile.

“She should be here,” Mary Margaret whispered, as if they’d been talking about it all along. “She should see him.”

Emma tried to say, “she will,” but nothing came out. The words stuck in her throat. Giving up, she swallowed them down instead and the two of them let silent tears fall as they watched the new baby do nothing in particular but sleep.

***

It had been over a week since Ruby’s voicemail had worked. For days, Zelena had called, left messages. Even when it was clear she was missing, wasn’t gone under her own volition, Zelena left long, drawn-out narratives about this thing or that. Sometimes she’d call in tears, pleading for Ruby to answer, or to hear her. Sometimes she’d call and cuss out the other end as if there was some unknown kidnapper that was checking the messages, and she could threaten them to let her Ruby go. But mostly, she just called to hear that voice.

_Hey, it’s Ruby. You know what to do._

No, I fucking don’t, Zelena wanted to scream. I fucking don’t know what to do with the fact that you’re gone. I don’t know how to handle this, how to fall asleep with your face in my head, your touch on my mind, that look in your eyes plaguing me. I’m fucking lost.

But now, she was told that the voicemail box was full. Still, she could hear Ruby’s voice before it told her that, and so she called. Every time. Before she texted. And so, after hanging up with that lulling sound that she would sometimes hear in her sleep… _Hey, it’s Ruby. You know what to do_ …she’d text.

**The baby is here. They’re naming him Neil. Mary Margaret did great. But she misses you.**

Of course, nothing came back.

Ruby would never read that, Zelena thought in despair. She’d never see the baby, never even know he existed. And he would never know her. She’d be just some character in stories her parents would tell, a ghost from their past that they got wistful eyes about when mentioning her. But she’d never be a real person to him, no flesh and blood. She’d never be Auntie Ruby that he had true love for.

Ruby’s fingers intertwined with hers in her mind. She looked to the side of her to see mounds of brown hair spilling over the pillow. “What’re you thinking about?” Ruby had asked softly, that husky voice, satisfied and tired…happy.

“Suicide,” Zelena answered quickly, and truthfully, making Ruby let out a laugh.

“Ouch. Was I that bad?”

Zelena picked up a pillow and threw it over her chest, hitting Ruby with it. Ruby laughed again as she tried to shield her face.

“My client tomorrow. She’s attempted twice. Never successful. Very depressed. Sometimes…I just wonder if I’m the right doctor for her.”

“Because of your dad,” Ruby said, not forming a question at all. She said it so softly and matter-of-factly all at the same time that it was nearly pacifying to hear it on her lips. Like she got it. Like she understood. And that was always so relieving for Zelena because her entire life, nobody had ever understood her. When she’d gone to England, kids teased her for her accent. When she lost it and went back home with a British one, everyone back home told her they couldn’t make out a single thing she said. Her teachers always told her that her homework was sloppy and hard to read. Her mother told her she was a basket case. Regina loved her, was stuck to her side when she was around, but was never on the same page with her. And her father…

“They sent me to a shrink,” Ruby said, knocking Zelena out of her reverie. “When my mom died.”

Zelena looked over to see Ruby was staring intently at their hands that were mingled together like a sculpture. “Well, they sent me to a few of them. The first one…he felt cold. I was young and he just didn’t seem to relate to me and I felt uncomfortable around him. So we switched. And the next one, she really helped. And I know she was a woman and younger and at the time I thought maybe that was why, but looking back, it wasn’t.”

“What was it?” Zelena asked.

Ruby’s lips turned up in a grin, and she pivoted to her side, letting go of Zelena’s hand to reach around Zelena’s middle and wrap her arm around it. She leaned down and claimed Zelena’s lips, softly. Slowly. Zelena’s lips were numb, of course. Because she was pissed by then. But looking back now, she could still feel the numb pressure of those lips, and wished, above anything in the world, that she could feel them again. Fully this time. No tingling. No numbness on her skin or in her damned heart from the booze whisking away all her senses. Just Ruby. She just wanted to feel Ruby.

“I could tell she cared,” Ruby said as she pulled away. “Do you care about your client?”

What the fuck? That was a loaded question. One that caught Zelena off guard. Care? About a client? She’d been taught not to, trained to think clinically about her patients as if they were a subject in a lab, a puzzle to piece together and make whole again. You were obviously supposed to have empathy, but not get attached.

That’s what she’d been taught, anyway. But on the days that she’d managed to stay sober enough to really feel the impact of her clients, she could tell it hadn’t taken. Zelena wasn’t in it for the money. She wasn’t in it for the science, though that interested her. It wasn’t her childhood dream. She hadn’t become a psychiatrist for any of those reasons. She’d done it because her father had taken his life and broken hers in the process. She was the one that was shattered. And she had nowhere to go. Nobody to turn to. Not a single fucking person on this shit green earth to lend her a shoulder.

As alone as that felt, she knew she couldn’t be the only one. She knew she wasn’t the only person to ever feel so alone that you felt you could dive right into a black hole and feel that nobody would come looking for you.

But Zelena wasn’t sure if, after all these years in practice, she’d remembered why she’d started. She’d been so focused on trying to mend herself. So focused on trying to get into the office with a shit headache and not stinking of alcohol. So focused on juggling all of the problems of her life. She thought coming back to Boston where she’d be held accountable by the people that loved her might help. It had, a little. But not nearly enough. She was still far too focused on making sure she was pulling her charade off.

Now she remembered. She looked up, into those grey eyes looking down at her. The first person in Christ knew how long to make her feel alive. She wondered when the last time she’d been asked such a simple, human question. Forever. Even Archie, sweet and well-meaning as he always was, hadn’t thought to ask her that.

And she realized, then for possibly the first time, that she cared deeply. If her client did what they had planned to do, Zelena would be crushed. Feel she’d failed them. Failed their family. Failed at any chance of reaching them and giving them the slightest bit of hope. She’d even miss them, know that the smile that would leave with them would sink a huge hole in the world. It would be less of a world because of it. It wasn’t even that it was her job to prevent that. It was what made her a god damned human being.

“Son of a bitch,” she whispered out, not realizing the words left her lips. It caused Ruby to give her a confused smile.

“What?” she laughed, giving Zelena that wolfish grin that, had they been standing, Zelena knew her damn knees would have given out on her.

“Mistress Lucas. I think…I think you just saved my god damned practice.”

Ruby just shook her head, still chuckling. “You know what I need? I need a Zelena decoder. You got one of those on hand?”

“Sorry,” Zelena began to laugh too, and she leaned forward to kiss Ruby. “Fresh out,” she whispered as she pulled away.

**She needs you here.** Zelena texted out now, beyond hope that Ruby would ever read a single thing she sent. Would never hear a single word she’d said. The last memory Ruby had of Zelena, was waking up abandoned after another drunken night of sex.

**I need you here. I love you. I’m so sorry Ruby. I fucked up and now I can’t fix it. I wish you knew how much I loved you.**

***

Emma was exhausted, that much was clear. Regina herself had trouble keeping her eyes open as she drove, so she forced conversation on their way home to keep herself awake.

“He was awful cute,” she said about baby Neil.

Emma turned to look at her, eyes sunken and heavy, face weary. But a little ghost of a smile did play on her lips. “He was squishy.”

Regina snorted. “Babies tend to be that way.”

“I was around them a lot,” Emma said. “There were always babies coming and going in the homes. And sometimes I was placed with a family who had one. Like Baby P. I had to learn…not to get attached.”

A sharp stabbing sensation hit Regina in the chest, and she reached a hand out to Emma’s thigh like she so often did when she was driving them somewhere. “Emma, you have every right to form a bond with Neil. You know that, don’t you?”

Emma was quiet for a minute before answering. “I didn’t realize until I saw him. Didn’t know I’d have to work at it. Not because I don’t love him. But because…”

“Because attachment hurts.”

“It’s just an old habit,” Emma shrugged, minimizing it. “I’ll break it. Attachment always hurt. Maybe not in the moment,” she said as she kept staring out the window. The night was black outside, and the pavement was shining with rain that had fallen while they had been in the hospital building. “But eventually…”

It was quiet after that for a long time before Emma finally said: “I should have thought about her keychain. Always drove me nuts. Jiggling them in her pocket.”

“Can you think of any of the charms?” Regina asked, harkening back to Emma’s retelling of what Zelena had told her. When she was involved in the underground, it was common knowledge that there were keychain parties, but Regina had never gone. For one, the top Dom at them had been Gold, and she and he always tried to steer clear of one another. For two, she had a good deal going with the group she was involved with who relied on word of mouth instead of symbols. Everyone knew what Regina was down for, and if they knew somebody who had a special kink, they simply hooked her up. But she knew enough about the keychain parties to know a few of the symbols.

Emma, however, shook her head. “I just remember the wolf. But that’s what she was called, so…I dunno if it meant anything. I’ll find out more if Graham can get me into see them. Until I hear, I need to call Sabine. Henry sounded really upset.”

Regina squeezed Emma’s thigh in response. “It’s okay to get attached to him too, baby.”

“I’m already attached to him.” The answer was so quiet, the tone sounding something akin to dread.

Regina let out a sigh that she wasn’t sure was audible. Was she relieved that Emma had admitted that, or was she devastated that Emma admitting that to herself clearly hurt her? Both. There was still such a heartbroken child in her partner.

Emma said nothing else for the rest of the ride home, and nothing all the way up the elevator, and down the hall. When Regina closed the door behind them, Emma stood quietly as she dutifully let Regina rid her of her beanie, her scarf, her jacket. Regina took her time hanging these items up, tucking Emma’s messy hair behind her ears, before taking off her own peacoat.

“Let’s eat something,” she announced. “And you need to nurse.”

“I love you,” Emma said quietly, still standing there as if waiting for Regina to finish undressing her. For a split second, she looked so alone. And lost. It would have broken Regina if the protectiveness that washed over her hadn’t filled her whole body with a sense of purpose. She had Emma in her arms before another breath left her, and felt a sob escape her partner, hitting the crook of her neck as Emma nestled there.

“Emma…baby…I love you so much,” she murmured, cradling the back of Emma’s head to her.

“She should have been there,” Emma sobbed out. “She wasn’t there…”

Regina felt her arms tighten around Emma, as if she needed to hold her upright. “I know.” She just stood and held her, hoping the strength of her arms gave some sort of comfort. She didn’t know when they’d had a more stressful day; some good, some not good at all. Emma had already been vulnerable after leaving the prison, and if Regina was being honest with herself, she had been left vulnerable too. And Emma always fed off of Regina’s energy, even when Regina tried to hide her worry or fears as best she could. Emma knew her too well. Emma always knew. That was without Emma having her own feelings about seeing Gold, which Regina could make an educated guess and say that Emma had made herself numb to handle the situation.

But Neil had blown that numbness out of existence, including Mary Margaret’s heartbreak at Ruby not being there. Her absence was devastating enough without missing the milestones in their lives. That had affected Emma something fierce. She was raw, an exposed nerve.

Emma continued to cry, and with every hitch in her breath, Regina felt another piece of herself begin to ache for her. As much as it pained her to pull away, she did so to take Emma’s hand and guid them to the couch, where she took Emma into her lap and cradled her closely. “Sshh…baby.”

Emma’s face was tucked back into the crook of Regina’s neck, her back jumping up and down with hiccups. Regina began rocking them, slowly rubbing up and down that back to try and steady it. It took a long time, all the while her shushing Emma and rocking her, until it was clear that Emma had drifted off into a half sleep.

“Hey,” she whispered gently, moving to shift Emma down. Emma knew this gesture well, even only partly awake, and she sleepily went through the motions of being brought down to the bend of Regina’s arm, until she was cradled against her mama’s chest.

Emma’s eyes opened, red and puffy with exhaustion and tears, but she took hold of the button on Regina’s shirt and ran her fingers across it, mesmerizing herself with the motion as Regina worked to do away with the other buttons and rid her breast of its confines. She could have cried with the relief when she was finally free and Emma latched on, tugging softly at her milk.

Regina nuzzled into Emma’s hair, trying to find Emma’s signature scent underneath the smell of the hospital. It had infiltrated them. “We’ll have ourselves some soup,” she murmured, bringing her hand down to pat Emma’s bottom gently. “Take a shower. And we’ll read a story before bed. Hm?”

Emma opened her eyes then, gazing up at Regina. They were so tired that she wasn’t sure Emma was even under. She was most likely just filled with fatigue. Regina smiled down at her. “You’ve had a very big day. It’s time to rest now. Time to let me take care of you.”

Emma sighed, the puff of air hitting the flesh of Regina’s breast, making her follow suit. She should have nursed a long time ago, but there had been far too many distractions that day, and she’d snuck into the hospital bathroom when Emma was visiting with Mary Margaret to pump. Emma wouldn’t have wanted her to have done that, but before the subject could come up, Zelena had flipped Emma on her back with the keychain revelation.

She broke out of her train of thought when Emma began to kneed her breast tenderly. A smile crept over her lips as she continued patting Emma’s bottom. “Good girl,” she praised, leaning down to kiss the top of Emma’s head. “That’s my good girl. I know it’s been a long day, my darling.”

Emma closed her eyes, sighing again. She nursed quietly as Regina continued to rock them, sniffling every now and then as her tears dried up and she calmed. By the time she had switched breasts, she was nearly asleep, and when she had completely finished, Regina had to rouse her to wake. “Hey, come on,” she coaxed gently, pressing her finger in between Emma’s lips and her nipple. Barely conscious, Emma tried to fight the disconnect, but Regina had enough practice at that to expertly shift Emma up and not allow the latch.

Emma sat up with her eyes half closed, and she blinked them heavily, brows furrowing to focus on Regina. Regina smiled in response. “Hello, babygirl.”

“Hi,” Emma croaked out, still blinking.

Regina snorted out a chuckle and managed to get them on their feet. Emma swayed a little, but Regina took her hand and led them to the dining room table, where she sat Emma down. Placing a kiss on the top of Emma’s head, she said: “I’ll be right back.”

While she heated up the soup, she quickly went to Emma’s playroom/office, and grabbed Emma’s journal. Emma eyed it wearily as Regina sat it in front of her, placing a pencil next to it. “Draw or write whatever you want,” she said as she left to get the soup.

When she came back, Emma wasn’t doing much more than doodling. She had managed a pair of puffy, closed eyes and a little nose, and Regina smiled. “Is that Neil?”

“Haven’t gotten to the squishy part yet,” Emma mumbled, engrossed in her drawing. That was a good sign. Typically, if Emma could really get into what she was doing, Regina could manage to kill two birds with one stone: Emma did a bit of therapy and wasn’t as focused on the fact that food was being forced into her mouth so she ate more.

Regina blew on the spoonful and then brought it to Emma’s lips, who took it delicately as she had laser focus on her page, but didn’t swallow it. Regina saw her swishing the food around in her mouth but making no move to ingest.

“Emma,” Regina said, using a warning voice. Emma didn’t have to be told what it meant. She swallowed. Almost immediately, Regina saw Emma’s skin turn a shade of green, and her hand stilled on the page. Regina put the bowl down and leaned forward, rubbing Emma’s back. “Breathe, my love. Just breathe.” Emma closed her eyes and took in a deep breath. “That’s it. You have to eat, baby. Do you want some toast instead?”

It took a moment for Emma to shake her head, but then she opened her mouth just a little, prompting Regina to give her another bite. Again she waited to swallow, clearly pacing herself, and that worked for Regina just fine. She would sit there all night if she had to.

To give Emma some time, she took a few spoonfuls herself, and realized then that she hadn’t eaten anything other than part of a muffin from that disgusting hospital all day. But like Emma, she didn’t have much of an appetite. It had been too taxing, the day’s events. She was more tired than anything but kept up a steady pace to get the soup finished.

By the time they did, Emma had eaten half of the bowl, and had managed a decent rendition of a squishy baby swaddled in a pair of arms. Kissing Emma’s temple, Regina smiled down at it. “Looks just like him,” she mused.

She felt that they were both dead people walking when they stepped into the shower, but they still managed to clean themselves up enough to get the hospital smell out. As she began to blow dry Emma’s hair, Emma put her fingers in her mouth to suckle, and Regina stopped to get her pacifier.

“I think maybe someone’s a little too tired for a story,” Regina mused as they finally climbed into bed. Emma said nothing to this, just blinked sleepily and suckled on her pacifier, letting Regina know that this was the right choice to make. Chuckling, Regina pulled Emma up close to her, and soon Emma’s head was resting on her chest. A deep sigh escaped them both as Regina pat Emma’s bottom, Emma nuzzling in close. The sounds of her suckling filled Regina’s ears, soothing her. She closed her eyes. “You want to come to work with Mama tomorrow?” she asked quietly.

She felt Emma shift, and opened her eyes to see Emma looking up at her with a bit of excitement, and she smiled as Emma nodded. Putting a hand behind Emma’s head to guide her back down, Regina continued the steady rhythm against Emma’s bottom. “Okay, baby. You can work there, and we’ll spend the day together.”

As the moments passed, she felt the tension in Emma’s body melt away, until she let out a sigh that told Regina Emma had finally fallen asleep. She closed her eyes to join her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For whatever reason, the tone of this chapter turned out much sadder than I anticipated. I guess I'm just in a place. Hope you all had a safe and happy holiday.


	30. Just Us Two

Emma’s first conscious sensation was warmth. Like a cozy, tepid bath, dousing her in soothing bliss. It took her a few moments of waking up more to realize where it was coming from, and that bliss began to dissipate. Very rarely did she wake up her adult self to a wet diaper. Generally, if she wet herself, it was because of an attack that she didn’t remember or when she was regressed. Both of those times, Regina always took care of it before Emma, in her normal, state was even wise to what had happened. It was only rarely that Emma had been regressed, put down, and once asleep about to wake as an adult, had wet herself.

She wasn’t the biggest fan of it when it happened. Not because of any embarrassment that she might have felt, because she didn’t have any real boundaries of embarrassment left with her partner. Also, Emma realized very quickly when they had started with diapers that Regina seemed to enjoy it. Went out of her way to change Emma herself despite Emma insisting she could do it if Regina wanted. “I don’t want,” Regina had said with a smile, kissing Emma’s cheek. “I want to take care of you.”

What really upset her was the wet feeling that once a little while past would turn from warm to cold, and the fact that she had done it at all. Emma remembered wetting the bed late as a kid, which was very common with foster kids, she soon learned. It didn’t change that the kids in the homes bullied each other mercilessly when it happened. But that was nothing compared to the adult reactions. She’d been kicked, hit, and screamed at more times than she could count. One time she’d tried to wash the sheets but was very young and had used way too much detergent and almost broke the washer. She had to wake up her foster mother in the middle of the night. Emma didn’t like to remember what followed after. After that, she would lay in bed for hours, hiding her face in her hands and weeping silently, getting colder and colder as she dreaded the morning.

She did that now, covering her already wet eyes as her sniffling started. She’d been fine when she came to; a brief little reprieve as her last memory had been Regina and her wrapping their arms around each other and falling asleep. The day before had been heavy, but the ending was beautiful and just what she had needed: a little time with her Mama. She’d woken feeling big and purposeful with everything she had to do in her day. But the realization of her wet diaper had her freefalling into a Little, fussy mess.

And soon, she realized she was not in bed with her partner. She was in her crib. Railed walls closed around her. Feeling alone, she cried into her hands, her cheeks turning wet with her tears. She was so wet.

“Baby.”

A singing voice. The very sound of it sent a wave of relief through Emma’s core. She could hear the rails being brought down, and threw her hands up into the air. Mama. She needed Mama right now. She needed this fixed. Why was she in her crib? Why was she wet? Why was she crying? It was all so jarring, to wake up not the way you remembered falling asleep.

She felt her upper body being lifted, and a strong, warm arm wrapped around her middle, the other cradling the back of her head, fixing her wet eyes against the crook of Mama’s neck. Emma inhaled deeply, trying to surround herself in Mama’s scent, burying her face as deep as she could.

“Sshh…Emma…sshh. Mama’s here.”

She felt sobs escaping her and it just made her more upset. She couldn’t control her emotions. She wanted to know why she was in her crib, though of course she knew. She must have woken up last night. Woken up enough to wake Mama and eventually have to be put back down. That line of reasoning didn’t sink in just then. She wanted to know why she was wet and why she couldn’t fix it. She wanted Mama.

“I’m right here, honey. Sshh…” Emma felt the arm around her dip down and a hand felt in between her legs. “Oh, baby. Is that why you’re so upset? It’s okay, Little One.” Emma let out a louder sob then, and that earned her a chuckle from Mama, who began rocking her. “Emma. You’re okay.” She gave a throaty laugh, letting Emma know that her crying was for absolutely nothing. She was going to fix this.

If there had been any adulthood left in Emma’s immediate consciousness, it had vanished by now. Mama Magic was working its wonders at the moment, sinking her so deep that she could do little more than cry and make a few single-syllabled words come out of her mouth.

“Wet,” she whimpered.

“Let’s change you,” Mama whispered, turning her head to kiss Emma’s temple tenderly. “My fussy little girl.” She leaned forward to lay Emma back down, but not being in Mama’s arms sent a wave of panic through her. She’d been nearly lulled into comfort as Mama rocked her. Now Mama was going away. She wrestled with herself; Mama putting her down meant she’d be dry soon, but not being rocked felt so alone. And then she was upset with not being able to see the bigger picture, and she let out a sob that she couldn’t moderate at all. It hit the walls with more force than she expected, startling her, and making another one follow.

Through her crying, she hadn’t realized that Mama was already back, leaning over her as she bent down to kiss Emma’s cheek. She gave a series of kisses there, until it began trail behind Emma’s ear, making her skin tickle, and despite herself, Emma let out a squeal of laughter as she felt her pants being pulled down.

Mama laughed against her skin. “Oh, there’s my smiling girl,” she cooed as Emma felt her diaper being loosened around her waist. A burst of cold hit her privates as it was taken away, and Emma shivered. “Sshh…” Mama massaged Emma’s thighs as she spread them further. “You’re okay, baby.”

“Cold,” Emma managed.

“Sshh,” was the only reply, a smile accompanying it as Emma felt a wipe against her skin, rubbing expertly to clean her up.

Her teeth began to chatter, until the cold wipes were taken away, and Emma felt a warm hand spread against her skin with soothing cream. She gave a little sigh, earning her a throaty laugh and a kiss on her cheek. “That’s my good Little One,” she said as Emma felt powder against her privates, and then the soothing comfort of a new, dry diaper, wrapping her up again. Her pants were brought back up around her waist, and then Emma felt the familiar bulb of her pacifier brought against her lips. She closed around it and suckled forcefully as Pankie was brought up to the crook of her neck, a sigh escaping her that let out so much tension in her body that she teared up again, nuzzling against her blankie.

She hadn’t even realized she was alone until Mama came back. Wet diaper thrown away, changing items gone, her hands washed, Mama took Emma under her arms and hoisted her into a sitting position, wrapping her up in an embrace as she managed to get them on their feet and nearly drag Emma into their bed.

Emma fell against the mattress and peeked her eyes open, her brows furrowed questioningly as she looked up at Mama, who just smiled at her, brushing a hand through her hair. Why was she being let back in the big bed, she wondered? What indications had she given that she was not regressed? None, that she knew of. She’d spiraled so quickly into Little Space, she didn’t know if there was a difference between herself and Baby Emma. These were thoughts she had, though not as sharp around the edges, she’d realize later when all she remembered in the moment was happiness that she’d been taken out of her crib. She mumbled something around her paci, enough syllables that Mama pulled it just away from her lips.

“Mama. Big bed,” she said simply.

That made Mama give a surprised laugh as she leaned in to kiss Emma’s nose. “You think I don’t know my Little One from my Baby?”

Emma felt her paci tucked back into her mouth, and she suckled feverishly as she nuzzled against Mama’s chest, sighing in relief. She was warm, she was dry, she was safe, and Mama was here.

“It’s almost time to get up, my love. Sleep a little longer. Mama will wake you soon.”

Emma felt a tapping on her diaper, steady, melodic, right against her bottom. In a moment, she realized her suckling was matching its rhythm. A little humming could be heard, gentle and soft: Mama’s voice.

That’s all she remembered before the light came into the window to wake her for the morning.

***

It must have been only a little over an hour when Emma woke next, and she was alone in the bed with the smell of fresh coffee coming from down the hall. She got up slowly to pad down the hall, taking Pankie with her. He dragged on the floor behind her as she rubbed her eyes. It felt like she had just fallen asleep, but it had been pitch black outside and now she saw the light coming in from the windows.

Regina was humming in the kitchen, cutting up a grapefruit as the coffee brewed. When Emma came in, her face lit up, and she waisted no time putting the knife down and bringing Emma into a hug, pecking her on the cheek.

“Good morning, my sleepy girl.”

Emma replied by resting her head on Mama’s shoulder, sighing sleepily. It earned her a sympathetic groan.

“I know. You had a rough night. That’s why I let you sleep.”

Emma felt them begin to sway, and she closed her eyes, fingers finding her mouth. For whatever reason, waking up earlier that morning had done a number on her headspace, and she didn’t seem to want to bounce back from it. But she knew she needed to. The idea of everything that needed to happen that day sent a wave of dread through her, and she suckled on her fingers nervously. A crooning sound answered her whimpering as her hair was pet.

“Woke up in the middle of the night, wanting your milk,” Mama chuckled. “My Baby Emma. You were so upset. Said you’d had a bad dream.”

Emma, for the life of her, had no memory of a dream or waking up. Such was the nature of her regressions. It made her stomach churn to think about how out of control she was. Everything in her life at the moment was out of her control.

“And then again a little while ago. But I think that you remember. Baby…” Emma felt those arms squeeze around her a little harder. “You’re okay.”

She remembered the second waking. When she’d been wet. She’d never liked that.

“Emma…

“What’s wrong with me?” she burst out, feeling completely thrown off with her headspace. Where was she right now? She wanted to be with her Mama. But she had so much to do. It was going to be a big day, but all she really wanted was to curl up in a corner.

Her spirits lifted a little when Regina gave a genuine laugh. “You’re overwhelmed, Em. I’d be worried if you weren’t. Look at me.” She pulled away for their eyes to meet. Emma’s were watery, but she couldn’t help but smile as her partner gave her one, wiping away a tear on Emma’s cheek with her thumb. “One thing at a time. Okay? Can you do that for me today?”

Emma nodded, earning her another big grin.

“Good girl. So tell me; what do you need to do today?”

Emma sniffled before saying quietly. “Call Sabine.”

“Good. And?”

“Call Killian to ask about Merida. Go to Mal Page’s and ask to see her room again. Look for charms. Check in with Graham about Ruby’s keys.”

A proud smile came over Regina’s face then, and she chucked Emma under the chin. “Good girl. You can do most of that at my office.”

A little elation hit Emma as she remembered that she was going to be working in Regina’s office that day. It was an easy thing to do as it was so close to her own. She could always pop in to see Graham or August if she needed to. She knew Regina was dealing with her own anxiety and keeping Emma close was going to help her through it.

Regina’s office always had a crisp, regal feel to it. There was an officialness here that Emma sometimes forgot how well-off Regina really was in her line of work. She knew Regina was one of the top prosecutors in the Boston area, but her partner was always so good about leaving her work at the office that it rarely hit Emma until she came and spent time there.

Regina’s desk was some nineteenth century carved oak that she insisted had been furnished by the courthouse when they started to modernize, though apparently Regina had had it refurbished at some point. It took up almost the entire space save for the filing cabinets, large chair behind the desk, and the two on the other side that Regina used for her consultants. Besides that, there was a conjoined bathroom that Regina said came in handy when she needed to pump, and when she didn’t have court, she hardly ever had to leave her office to consort with the other lawyers in the building, who she insisted were some of the worst people on the planet.

“Truth be told, I can’t stand lawyers,” Regina had said to Emma. “I have a couple of friends here, but mainly I keep to myself.”

Emma always found this an interesting thing for Regina to say. Becoming a solicitor had not been Regina’s first choice; she’d wanted to work with children and had been pretty far along in her child development degree before she made the shift to criminology, and eventually law school. But she’d done it after her father’s death, who had been, in Zelena’s words, “a damned good corporate lawyer”. Regina didn’t want to do corporate law, though. She’d told Emma she would have died of boredom. At least as a prosecutor, she could make a change.

The desk was big enough for Emma to set her files down while Regina had plenty of room on the other side. Still off from her morning, Emma spent a couple of hours going over her notes and getting her lists in order before making any phone calls. She didn’t want to talk to Graham or Mal Page when she was in a strange headspace. By ten o’clock, however, she couldn’t wait any longer. She had to get her day moving.

Regina was off and on the phone for the most part, setting up lunch and court dates, doing first-time phone consultations, and debating the next course of action with a judge about a particular case. Emma stepped out into the hallway to take her phone out and call Graham.

“Hey, Swan,” he greeted, sounding chipper as usual. “Coming in today?”

Emma cleared her throat. She worried that she would sound as off as her headspace was, and she needed to be in the game just then. “Hey Graham. I’m just down the street at Regina’s office. Needed to clear my head. Any word from your cop friend?”

“As a matter of fact, yeah,” Graham said. “So he was pretty adamant that letting us in to see evidence would mean his job, but he’s going to work on getting me a picture of the car keys. He’s sure they’re in evidence. They were right in the ignition when we found the car. I remember that.”

“Yeah,” Emma said, wincing again at her stupidity for not thinking about this sooner with all the talk about the key parties. “Me too. Alright. Keep pressure on him. Time’s ticking.”

“You got it.”

Graham hung up, and Emma placed a call to Mal Page, who answered on the first ring with a hurried voice. Emma wondered if she always did this; sat by the phone, just praying her daughter would call, getting her hopes up every time.

“Hi Miss Page. It’s Emma.”

“Emma!” she didn’t sound at all disappointed to hear from her, and Emma found herself smiling just a bit. “How are you? Do you have any news?”

Emma cleared her throat again, finding it thick with apprehension. She had a difficult conversation to have with Mal, and she wasn’t looking forward to it. “I uh…I do actually. But I’d like to have it in person. Can I come by this afternoon?”

“What happened?” Mal’s voice was instantly low and troubled, and Emma felt her gut bottom out at the sound of it.

“Don’t worry, it isn’t bad news. I just have a few new things to ask you. And I’d like to take a look in Lily’s room again if that’s okay. I have something new to look for, but I want to explain that later if that’s alright.”

There was a sigh on the other end before Mal answered. “Of course. Please come. I’ll see you then.”

Emma set up a time with her and hung up the phone. She felt her chest growing colder, thinking about that mix of hope and dread in the older woman’s voice. She was growing so used to that tone. She was adopting it herself. Regina was too. Zelena had almost completely lost her high-pitched, rowdy guffaw that Emma had grown so accustomed to. Mary Margaret was a puddle of emotions. Everyone else seemed to walk on eggshells around them, hoping the dam wouldn’t crack.

Emma wanted her old life back. She wanted to hear the joy in everyone’s voices again. And she would give anything to hear Ruby’s voice at all.

When she walked back into the office, Regina was still on the phone, but when their eyes met, she saw a shift on her fiancé’s face, and knew she wasn’t holding herself together very well. Regina’s expression went soft, protective, and as Emma sat down to look back over her files, she heard Regina shift the conversation to end the call as quickly as she could.

Emma heard the phone clamp down on the receiver. “Did you get ahold of Miss Page?” she asked.

Emma nodded. “I’ll go this afternoon.”

“And Sabine?”

“Left a message,” Emma sighed, looking down at the mess that was her paperwork. She didn’t want to look at it all anymore. She was going cross eyed and it was only ten in the morning. She looked up to see Regina regarding her with soft eyes, and for the first time, Emma had the strangest thought that without Regina, all of these things would still be happening, but she’d be alone. She wouldn’t have her partner to help her through Ruby’s disappearance or Henry’s sudden existence in her life. She would have been made to do it all by herself.

She stood up and began to walk around the desk to where Regina sat. As she did, a little flicker came into Regina’s eyes, and she sat back in her chair, giving Emma a little smirk. It must have been the look on her own face, Emma realized. Regina had backed up enough for Emma to sit on the desk, right on top of Regina’s notebook, and she reached forward and grabbed Regina’s collared blouse, forcing her on her feet and in between Emma’s legs. She pulled until their lips smashed together, and she claimed Regina’s mouth hungrily, almost desperately. When they came up for air, she panted out: “I don’t want to work anymore.”

Regina’s eyes flashed behind Emma, and she smirked again before prying herself free of Emma’s grip and rounding the desk to the door of her office. Emma heard the click of the lock behind her, and a sigh of relief washed over her as Regina came back, brow raised as she placed herself back in between Emma’s legs. Emma wrapped them around Regina’s middle, straddling her, and she doubted the tension in her body was going unnoticed.

She still felt completely out of place, her emotions flip flopping between that scared child she’d woken up as, thrown back into bad memories of her past, and then brought into her present reality where she had a Caregiver who loved her unconditionally and soothed those fears, only to be topped off with the harsh reality of her adulthood and what was happening around her. Completely out of her control, all of it, and she hated that. She only liked to surrender control to one thing, and it was standing right in front of her, hands coming up to her face and caressing softly as those brown eyes studied her features, thinking, calculating, trying to gauge where Emma’s headspace was at.

“Where are you in that head of yours, my love?” Regina whispered, and if Emma weren’t so focused on trying to distract herself from the whirlwind in her head, she might have broken down right there.

Instead, she unbuttoned Regina’s blouse hurriedly, hearing herself pant with the aftermath of their kiss and the desperation she felt. Regina didn’t move to stop her, even when Emma unhooked her bra and exposed a breast that she knew wasn’t close to being full for her, but she’d take what little she could get just then. She closed her lips around the nipple and suckled as hard as she could without hurting Regina. She knew that boundary well, like a well-trained muscle after the months of nursing. She heard that surprised sigh that always escaped Regina when Emma first latched on, and her eyes rolled in the back of her head at the sound of home. She let out a whimper around the soft flesh, and felt the chill go down Regina’s spine from the vibration of it.

A hand had gone to the back of her head, cradling her as the little milk that was available came. Lips came down to the shell of Emma’s ear, and she felt more than heard her name whispered.

“I want you inside me,” Emma found herself saying as she unlatched, like a reply to her own name.

The reaction was immediate. Regina growled, a rumbling Emma felt as she was pressed so close to her partner, and hands gripped the hem of her jeans. They were starting to swim on her, Emma knew, so Regina pulling them down her legs took little to no effort as they were aggressively ripped down to her ankles. She felt the burst of cold against her core and tried to spread her legs to give Regina entry, but felt fingers press into the side of her butt cheek as her neck was claimed in Regina’s mouth. She threw her head back and gave a whine before Regina nipped on her earlobe and husked, “You’ll ruin my nice desk. Is that what you want?”

“I want you,” Emma managed, hearing the pleading in her voice. She knew sitting on Regina’s desk and being fucked here would truly make a mess, but the lift in Regina’s voice told Emma that Regina didn’t seem to much care.

“Then you stay right where you are,” was the answer, and the next thing Emma knew, she was sitting by herself, body against her gone, Regina’s warmth gone. She gave a grunt of protest as her partner walked away and into the bathroom, only to come out a moment later with a very familiar object in her hand and an amused grin. “Would it surprise you to know I have a diaper bag here just in case I get a call from August?”

At that, Emma let out a laugh as she shook her head. “No. You’re always prepared.”

A little flash in Regina’s eyes told Emma Regina’s head was shifting, and she put herself back in position in between Emma’s legs. “That’s my job,” she said authoritatively, pulling Emma against her body so that Emma could lift her butt from the desk. “Up,” she commanded, and Emma did exactly as she was told, feeling Regina work to lay the diaper underneath her. “Sit.”

Emma did, and felt the familiar sensation of the padding on her bottom as Mama shifted the diaper in between her legs to lay perfectly underneath her.

“Good girl,” Mama cooed, moving in to claim Emma’s lips. Emma felt her hunger return, and she grabbed hold of the willing mouth so forcefully that a little surprised noise came from her partner, who immediately corrected the behavior by smacking the side of Emma’s butt.

She jumped just a little at the feeling, but melted the next moment when fingers found their way to her folds and pushed in without warning. She was so wet that Regina was able to just slide right in. She didn’t wonder about it, how prepared she was. She was aching for the distraction from everything happening, and here it was. Ready and willing for her, just like she was for it.

“So wet,” was the response against her ear, low and raspy. Emma knew it well. Her hands found Regina’s bare ribcage and caressed as she felt herself filled up, making her whimper.

“Mama…” she breathed as the fingers pumped into her and massaged inside. She felt herself clench around them instinctively as lips found hers.

“Sshh,” Regina replied as she pulled away. “These walls are thick. But not too thick. You want Mama, darling?”

Emma’s hands gripped around Regina harder as she nodded, trying to swallow any audible noise. But the slapping sound of Regina’s palm against her clit seemed louder than anything, including her breathing. She could feel herself swollen, and for the slightest of moments, realized that for the past few seconds, she hadn’t thought about everything bothering her.

She shook her head to try and snap back into it, because thinking about forgetting everything meant that she was thinking about everything, and she must have made a noise or a face, because intense eyes were on her.

“Hey,” came the calling voice, and Emma blinked to see Regina looking at her. “Come back to me, baby.”

Emma felt her eyes smart, and nodded dutifully, closing them to try and keep the tears away as she hugged Regina harder. She felt the fingers still inside her walls, and she gave a little cry, moving her hips to try and encourage their movement.

“Look at me,” was the answer she got instead, and Emma forced her eyes open to see Mama’s watching her intently. “I’m right here, Emma.”

Emma’s hands moved and found Regina’s face instead, cradling it as she put their foreheads together, nodding in response.

“That’s it,” Mama whispered. “That’s my girl. I’m right here.” Emma felt the source of her pleasure begin to pick up pace again, rubbing purposefully against her walls as they pulled out, and then a palm slapping against her clit as they slid back in. Emma humped forward to meet them, still holding Regina’s face, breathing rapidly against her lips before they moved forward to claim Emma’s.

“Spank me,” she whimpered as she pulled their lips apart. “Hard. Please…”

Emma watched the brown eyes in front of her turn dark, that mischievous little grin that came across her Caregiver’s face when she got a dirty thought, and Emma wondered if for the meantime, she’d managed to make Regina’ forget their troubles too.

That thought threatened to bring things back, and Emma felt herself whine impatiently, give a petulant noise as she moved her hips with more force to try and get her way. It had the effect she wanted. One of Regina’s brows hiked up at her impishness and she brought down a flat hand onto Emma’s bare bottom.

She barely stifled the yell, and probably wouldn’t have succeeded if Regina hadn’t caught her mouth in a hungry, aggressive kiss. She pressed their lips together until Emma felt the cry leave her throat, and then she pulled away, panting. “So I have a brat today, do I?”

“Want it again,” Emma pouted, clenching onto Regina’s fingers, feeling them still as they were embedded deep inside her, and Regina responded by hooking her palm and grinding down against Emma’s pussy. The possessiveness of the gesture nearly brought Emma to her climax. She loved it when Regina took ahold of her like that, as if she owned what was between Emma’s legs.

“Careful what you wish for,” was the response as Regina trailed her tongue down Emma’s neck. “I may just leave you with a raw bottom.”

Emma didn’t respond to that threat. The few times Regina had left lasting effects on Emma’s butt, she’d spent more time on the aftercare than Emma did feeling the sting. Sometimes, Emma thought it may feel good to be randomly going through her day and have to sit weird to avoid a tender spot. It would mean she got to feel Regina with her. But Regina never took it too far. She was too protective, Emma’s wellbeing her main priority, always.

The thought of it made Emma nuzzle into the crook of her partner’s neck, and she gave a little whimper. “Mommy,” she sighed.

“Oh,” was the response, a little throaty laugh. She always turned to putty when Emma called her that, and Emma knew it. “You Play dirty…”

Emma felt the stinging crack against her butt just a split second after she heard the skin slap down, and the pain made her throw her arms around her Mama’s neck and latch onto the flesh of her neck. She suckled there to try and stifle her moaning as the fingers inside her straightened out to begin their torturous rhythm. Emma felt the spongy flesh of her g-spot hit so perfectly, she spread her legs wider and hugged Regina’s middle with her knees. She felt the diaper underneath her, giving her just that much more protection, and felt herself release more wetness against her lover’s fingers as she was spanked again.

The two of them were embracing each other closely, Emma holding on to the source of her pleasure, her Mama keeping her upright as she attached herself to the body she loved. The sounds they were making could almost surely be heard outside the door, Emma thought. They sounded so loud in her ear; the wet slapping of Regina’s palm against her opening, the cracking of her spankings, even the muffled cries against Mama’s soft skin.

“I love you,” she began chanting, feeling the wetness in between her legs begin to release as her climax built. It was knocking now at the edge, her body about to tumble over it. She was so close…so close…she could now hear it and feel it as she began to gush. Spanking always did it. She was squirting.

“I love you…” she repeated, not sure if the words were fleshed out, and as she tipped over the edge, they stopped completely when her body froze in a moment of pure bliss. No thoughts came to her then, except that Regina’s touch was bringing her lust to its peak. And when that moment was over, she tumbled through the pleasure that rushed over her in waves. One right after the other, as she felt the warmth engulf her in a completely different way than that morning. This time, a hand was guiding her, pressing against her as she humped against it, holding the diaper against her skin to capture all of her pleasure.

“That’s right, baby,” came the response. “Just like that. Mama’s got you. Don’t hold back.”

Emma didn’t. She let the squirting come, felt the warm liquid captured by the soft fabric against her. The sensation made her whimper, heightened the feeling. Why had she been so upset that morning? This felt amazing.

“I’m here,” came the answer. “I’m right here.”

This morning, she’d felt alone. She wasn’t alone anymore. Mama was holding her, literally holding a diaper against her to keep her safe. She let out a sob of relief, grabbing hold of the neck she was hugging tighter.

“Emma…baby. It’s okay.”

She wouldn’t stay wet. Mama would clean her right up. She felt the stinging in her eyes as she continued to buck forward, riding out the last of her orgasm, whimpering against the soft skin. She felt so helpless, but the arms holding her felt so strong. She could do this, she realized. Everything was going to be okay. And if not, all they had to do was hold each other, and the world would fall down around them, and they could at the very least, share a moment of bliss when it was just the two of them.

***

Mal Page eagerly let Emma in the door, and the two regarded each other for a moment, Emma struck by the difference in the older woman’s appearance. She had looked sleep-deprived and skinny before. Now she looked as if she wouldn’t survive another fortnight on the same routine. She’d clearly not given herself any mor leeway. Emma swallowed the guilt down and tried to give a smile as she entered the house, not sure if she’d succeeded in hiding her surprise.

Mal held no quarrels with her observations, however. “Well,” she said as she stepped aside to let Emma in. “You look about as well off as I feel. Come sit down. Tell me about it.”

Emma, for her part, didn’t want to sit down and chat. She wanted to rifle through Lily’s things with the new knowledge she had to see if anything stood out. But more than that, she didn’t trust herself to speak about the matter. Her feelings had been so raw lately, particularly in the last day, and regardless of anything else, Mal Page was her client.

“I don’t, uh…I don’t know what to say,” she said awkwardly as she sat down, keeping her eyes on the table as Mal sat across from her. Even without looking, Emma felt those glacier-colored eyes looking her over.

“Start with your friend. Ruby, was it? Have you had any luck?”

Emma blanched. Here was a woman missing her daughter, and she first was checking in on Emma. Mother instincts, Emma guessed. She couldn’t say she related, but she had enough experience with somebody who thrived off helping others to know that Mal would feel better if Emma had any good news for herself. Regina was that way.

“I don’t really. Other than…” Emma paused, and finally looked up. She sighed. “Miss Page, I came here with a difficult story.” And she told her. Everything she could. About the underground parties and the keychains and what they represented. About Ruby’s possibly involvement and also Lily’s. About the web of people who were steering her in every direction, and how in the past three weeks she didn’t have much more evidence than getting rid of red herrings and random variables. Although, Emma knew, that was usually how things went. It didn’t help. Not when it was your loved one on the line. It just made things more frustrating.

Mal Page sat back as she took in the information, and raised her eyebrows, looking almost impressed. “I have to say, I knew Lily was different. I guess I just didn’t realize how…I don’t know the right term really. I suppose misunderstood? I’m not sure.”

Emma shrugged. “From what I know of the kink world, most people don’t bother going down the road of psychoanalyzing what they like. They just make the best of it and try to stay safe.”

“And you don’t know which…uh…kinks she might have been into?” Mal stumbled over the words, looking a bit uncomfortable, but Emma had to give her credit. She half expected the woman to accuse Emma of smearing her daughter’s name and coming up with wild fantasies.

“I don’t,” Emma shook her head. “And her friends in The Scene didn’t have much insight for me. That’s where I’m hoping I might find something that could help. I’m wondering if I could poke around Lily’s room one more time?”

For a moment, Mal studied Emma’s face, before giving a sad smile. “It’s all yours. But…can I ask? I feel from the way you’ve spoken about these people these…friends of Lily’s…as your own. This is a scene you know. Is that right?”

Emma blinked for a moment, wondering if answering truthfully would be a mistake. But as someone who had been hired privately by this woman, who needed to trust her, given the circumstances, Emma felt maybe honesty was the best policy. “I’m mildly involved, you could say. My partner and I…well, she used to be kind of a big deal in The Scene.”

“Used to be?”

A little smile ticked on Emma’s face as she shrugged. “Until I came around. But we still go to the clubs. Say hi to friends. That sort of thing.”

It was quiet for a moment before Mal spoke again. “Have I put you in an awkward position? Investigating your friends?”

Surprised at the question, Emma felt herself sit up straighter. “No,” she answered truthfully. “If anyone I know is responsible for what happened…they’re no friends of mine.”

That soft smile, surprising from Mal’s sharp features, came again, and she nodded. “I give you free reign. Just…try to leave it the way you found it? I’m turning into those mothers you see in the movies who never changes a lost child’s room.”

Emma noted the word lost instead of dead, and had to swallow the lump in her throat. Had she traded words on purpose? Could she not go there? What were the odds of finding anyone alive and okay after a few days had passed, much less weeks?

Emma had gone through hundreds of pages of Lily’s books and notepads for school. She had most of that at her office, and had already mulled through them all again multiple times. There had been no mentions of any type of charms or strange words that popped out. In fact, everything had been pretty standard school notes. Lily wasn’t much of a doodler or dreamer like Emma was. Her notes were crisp, clean, precise, highlighted, numbered, nothing Emma would ever do. Anything out of the ordinary would have stood out. Mainly, it was all scientific jargon that Emma had no idea how to pronounce.

She went through Lily’s dresser drawers. Nothing but clothes. Emma looked for emblems, patches, anything that may have been added to a pair of underwear, jeans, anything. But there was hardly any character at all in Lily’s room save for a couple of stuffed animals on her neatly made bed. A little horse and fox stared back at her with nothing. On top of the dresser, nothing but makeup. The closet had a bunch of shoes and coats. The end.

When she had finally rifled through everything she could, Emma stood up and looked around. “C’mon, Lily,” she whispered to herself. “Give me something…”

As she stood there, her phone rang, and Emma could see it was Sabine calling her back. “Hi, Sabine,” Emma said, not sure if she was able to hide the disappointment in her voice that she didn’t want to bleed through for Sabine to think it had anything to do with her calling.

“Emma, hi,” Sabine’s voice came through. “I just got off the phone with Mercy House. I was scheduled to pick Henry up tomorrow to take him to his new foster family.”

“Was scheduled?” Emma asked, hearing an edge in Sabine’s voice that she didn’t like.

“Well, unless he shows up, I’ll need to postpone. He’s taken off again. We can’t find him.”


	31. Oh, Henry

“Taken off?” Emma repeated the words like a robot. That was all she could do. A buzzing in her head had started, loud and deafening, as she felt her stomach drop into her feet.

“I mentioned before that he’s a runner?” she heard Sabine say, somewhere in the distance. “According to Duncan, he must have taken off in the middle of the night. I’m sorry, Emma. I’ll need to call the police right after you. They’ll need to get involved. I’ll have to report him missing again. You mentioned he called you yesterday. Did he say anything to you about where he would have been going?”

“Going?” Emma could tell she nearly shouted the word into the phone, but she didn’t care. The buzzing had twisted into sheer panic, and she looked down at her feet to realize she was pacing. Mal Page was now standing at the door, looking concerned. “He didn’t say anything to me about leaving at all. I told him to stay put!”

There was silence on the other end, and Emma, feeling her breathing picking up, suddenly asked: “Where had he been the last times you’ve found him?”

“There’s an old building by Fenway Park. Apparently, he was out there with some older kids.”

Emma groaned inwardly. The Bricks. She knew exactly where that was. Some things never changed. “Is there any way we can not involve the police?” Emma asked, already knowing the answer. She could practically hear Sabine shaking her head on the other side of the phone.

“I’m sorry, Emma. This is my job on the line. I have to follow protocol.”

Emma tried not to huff audibly. “I understand. I’ll be out looking for him too. If he contacts me, I’ll let you know.”

Emma cursed under her breath as she hung up the phone, and Mal made a little throat clearing noise at the door.

“I’m sorry, Miss Page, I’ve got to go. Family emergency. But…I didn’t find anything anyway. I was just going to do a fourth sweep.”

Mal gave Emma an understanding smile and nodded. “I’ll look around too. See if anything pops up. I’ll give you a call.”

Emma hurried out of the house and to her bug, and she prayed it was going to start. It had been acting up again, and while it would be more than embarrassing to have it die in front of a client’s house, she was also in a bit of a hurry this time around. As she started the engine, breathing a sigh of relief, she called Regina.

“Hey,” a little surprise could be heard on the other end. “Are you done already?”

“It got cut short,” she said hurriedly as she pulled onto the road. “We’ve got a problem. Henry ran.”

There was a pause on the other end for a minute, until startled, Regina stuttered, “ran?”

Emma hated it when Regina sounded afraid. It never sat well with her that somebody so strong could crack. It made her feel protective, even angry at the person or object who’d caused it. But she couldn’t be angry this time. This time it was Henry. And she was angry, pissed off, actually. But there were bigger things to worry about at that moment: like where he was and what he was doing, and what the repercussions of his actions would be. Sabine had mentioned juvi before. Would they really consider doing that to a nine-year-old boy for running away?

She bit the bile that the thought brought back and sighed. “Yeah. Blowing off some steam, I’ll bet. Look, he’s probably fine. I’m just going to go to Fenway. There’s an old building out there runaways like to hang out at called The Bricks.”

“I’m coming,” she heard the ruffling of pages and Regina scooting her office chair back, her words coming out in short spurts. “I’ll meet you there.”

“Baby…”

“Don’t,” Regina stopped her. “I’m coming.”

Emma wasn’t as close to The Bricks as Regina was, so when she parked in one of the structures to meet her, Regina was already waiting, standing outside of her car with her arms crossed over her chest, pacing. She had a very different demeanor than she had when Emma had left her earlier. She was worrying her lower lip, and when she saw Emma coming, she quickly clicked her heals towards her. “I hate this part of town,” she grunted, her breath showing up in the air and dissipating. “It’s so sketchy here.”

“Yeah,” Emma shrugged as she took Regina’s hand. “That’s why runaways come here. Nobody around here asks questions.”

“Did you ever come here?” Regina asked, squeezing the hand offered to her as the two started down the stairs of the parking complex. It felt like ice; there were signs of a new snow coming.

“Yeah,” Emma said. “But only a couple of times when Ruby and Mary Margaret were both gone out of town like on summer vacations or something. Otherwise, I usually had a place to crash. And I was a lot older than Henry was.”

“I don’t like the thought of him being out here,” Regina shivered. Her jaw was set as they started down the sidewalk towards the building Emma hadn’t been to for decades by that point. This was not a place she’d ever wanted to see again, much less take Regina to.

She’d managed to get her head in the adult working game earlier at Mal Page’s house; running herself into investigative mode. Now, she just felt numb. Panic never lasted with Emma. It was such an old habit to squash it quickly. Better not feel anything at all than feel such a frightening feeling, she’d learned early on. It hadn’t been something she’d managed to break. So now, as she felt Regina walking quickly, breathing heavily, eyes darting around wildly and clearly in a state of panic, Emma herself felt calm, collected, just sort of…there.

Henry hadn’t been his usual self since that weekend. He had to have known that his stay at Mercy House was temporary. Nobody went there for long; it wasn’t designed for that. So, what had he expected? Why had he been so upset at the prospect of going? Would he miss his friends that much? Or was it being farther away from Emma and Regina that bothered him? Or maybe…

Oh.

Emma stopped, and suddenly had to catch her breath, realizing she’d been holding it for a few moments as the revelation hit her.

Henry had spent the first part of his time at Mercy House trying to find his family. And he had. And what had been his first remark about Emma taking him back to that place.

_I can just stay here…_

He’d been hoping that if he were leaving to go anywhere, it would be with her.

“What?” Regina asked hurriedly. “What’s wrong?”

Emma felt Regina let go of her hand and instead wrap her arm around her waist, as if to hold her up and keep her from falling.

“Nothing,” Emma shook her head. “Nothing, I…man. I’m an idiot.”

“Why?” Regina’s brows furrowed as she watched Emma’s face.

“I think the kid was hoping we’d rescue him from going to his new foster family.”

The words had Regina’s face contorting painfully, and she looked away towards the old building. Emma saw her eyes shining as she shook her head.

“Is that what you would have hoped?” she finally said, the words coming out painfully, and they broke off just before she finished her sentence. She was looking at Emma now with such heartbreak that Emma nearly felt the numbness trickle out and be replaced with something like human emotions. Nearly.

She shrugged. “At nine? No. No, I don’t think I would have.”

Regina just stared at her, a tear falling down her cheek. Emma brought her hand up, rubbing it away with the pad of her thumb. “Come on,” she said softly, squeezing Regina’s hand again and walking towards the exit of the parking lot.

She felt her chest tighten the closer they got to the building: a place she hadn’t thought about in years. Now memories were flooding back to her. She’d hated it here, but sometimes there was no place else to go. If she wasn’t able to go to Ruby’s, it beat the streets, and it sure as hell beat the house she was staying in. A girl walking the streets in the middle of the night was bound to get hurt. A girl in this building in the middle of the night was also bound to get hurt, but less likely.

Most kids just came to lick their abuser’s wounds or blow off some steam, some came for drugs, some came just to get warm. Emma remembered numerous bonfires in trash cans in the middle of the night, exhausted but too wired to sleep. Emma learned early on to sleep through just about anything. But she also learned early on that if she wanted to protect herself, falling asleep at all was a bad idea. It had contributed to her adult insomnia; the more she had on her mind, the less likely she was to sleep. Regina had so far been the only cure for that. Coming back here, she was reminded of some of her teenaged sleepless nights.

She’d had Mary Margaret pick her up here once; a mistake she regretted right away. Mary Margaret had just gotten her driver’s license and offered to come and get Emma to take her to school. Emma had told her where to go, but obviously Mary Margaret hadn’t put two and two together. When she came, Emma was at the first floor of the building, the windows boarded up, darkening everything inside. The fires had nearly gone out by then, lumps of kids passed out on the floor, huddled tightly to try and keep warm. It stank there. Emma was always dirty afterwards, never went to school unless she’d managed a shower at The Y or at Ruby’s. Ruby had seen her right after plenty of times, but she tended to shield Mary Margaret from this sort of thing. She was more delicate, Emma knew.

Mary Margaret was shaking like a leaf as she tiptoed inside, and the second her eyes found Emma, she rushed her out of there, grabbing her hand and getting them back to her car, bawling uncontrollably. “Don’t you ever come back here, Em. Don’t you ever…”

Emma remembered thinking at the time: where else am I supposed to go?

“Are you sure he’s here?” Regina knocked Emma out of her memories as Emma began to walk towards the old door that they used to have to use in the side to get in. It was like muscle memory. She didn’t even notice Regina watching her intently, uneasy with how familiar this all was for her.

“No,” Emma said distractedly, pushing on the old door. It didn’t budge. She stepped back and looked around. There used to be a window… “Ah!” she smiled as she saw what she was looking for. “Come on,” she nodded towards the old window with the board kicked out. It had probably been replaced fifty times since she had last been here. Some things never changed. She was about to climb through when she caught Regina’s eye.

Her partner, dressed in her pencil skirt and high heels, was looking hesitantly at the window. Emma hadn’t really thought this through. That being said, she didn’t see another way since Regina had insisted. “It’s okay,” she said, smiling encouragingly. “Look, I’ll climb through and then help you.” Regina pursed her lips together, and Emma felt the darkness pass over her own face. “You’re not staying out here alone,” she said with authority, knowing the rarity of her giving a command would take away any hesitation Regina might have. She wasn’t going to let her fiancé, dressed to the nines, stand on one of the worst streets in Boston by herself.

The words got Regina moving. As Emma jumped through, she turned around and offered her hand. Regina gingerly climbed through without revealing too much under her skirt, steadying herself with Emma’s offered hand. When she got onto the other side, Emma smiled. “You good?”

Regina gave a breathless smile back, and looked around, but Emma was nearly knocked on her feet with the familiar smell of mold hitting her nostrils. The air felt the same too: stale, still, cold.

“Hey! Who the hell are you?”

Emma whipped around to see a kid, probably sixteen-years-old staring at her with wild eyes. He had patches of a five o’clock shadow that clearly hadn’t come into its own yet, unkempt hair, and clothes that didn’t look like they’d last another wash. Behind him were three younger kids, two of them girls who were significantly younger, and one boy that looked like he maybe had a couple of years to go before he reached the kid’s height.

Instinctively, Emma put her hands up. “Easy,” she said. “I’m not here to bother you. I’m just here looking for someone.” As she spoke, she heard a clamoring of footsteps echoing through the floors. She felt a jolt of panic until she remembered herself: scattering feet were a thing from her past, not her present. She didn’t have to follow suit and run. But she also felt her heart sink. This building was about to be cleared out. And quick.

“Looking for who?” the kid said, his tone no less harsh from Emma’s explanation.

“My brother,” she said. “Yay heigh,” she put her hand out to just above her middle. “Sandy hair. My eyes. Goes by Henry.”

The girls looked at each other, but nobody said anything. The oldest kid still looked at Emma unmoving. “Usually kids come here, they don’t wanna be found,” he said.

Emma gave a humorless laugh. “Yeah, I know. I was one of ‘em. Still have those shit mattresses upstairs? They must be old as dirt by now.”

The kid sniffed. “Better than nothin’,” he said, but seemed to loosen up at Emma’s familiarity with her surroundings. “Who’s the suit?” he said, looking back at Regina.

Emma jumped, realizing that she had forgotten Regina’s presence in the exchange. Behind her, Regina had her arms wrapped around her chest, watching the children intently. She looked absolutely shocked by the state of them.

“People like her come around here, they usually leave hauling somebody away to some fresh hell,” he accused.

Regina looked around her again, and Emma could practically read her thoughts: what hell was worse than this place? Emma didn’t want to answer that for her. Better cold and dirty than having the crap beat out of you, be separated from your siblings, or worse.

“She’s not a worker. She’s my partner. We’re just looking for my brother. Took off earlier today from Mercy Hell. We just want to find him before the cops do.”

He regarded Emma with what looked like a slight uptick in trust. She had the proper lingo and knowledge to fit in here, but she wasn’t one of them. Not anymore. She was free, out of the chains of the system. Or that’s how they saw her. Now, her chains were invisible. But if they would ever really go away, only time would tell. Either way, as far as these kids were concerned, she was just another shit adult.

Finally, he just shrugged. “You are who you say, you know that if he were here, he’d have scattered by now. Nobody around here is gunna come anywhere near this building since they’ve been hearing us talking. And you know they did.”

Emma didn’t say anything. She doubted Henry would have run from her and Regina if he knew they were there. But the boy’s assessment was right: the walls in this building echoed. Their voices would have trailed throughout them. All those footsteps they’d heard? Kids running. Far away.

She gave a nod, and turned on her heal, taking Regina’s arm gently to try and bring her along. But Regina was rooted to the spot, staring down at the children with an unreadable expression.

“Regina,” Emma whispered softly. “C’mon. If he was here, he’s long gone.”

Regina’s eyes were shining when she finally broke her gaze to look at Emma. “I want to see for myself,” she said.

Emma looked at her for a long minute, and then sighed and nodded. She led the way through the abandoned hallways, and they began their search.

It was fruitless, of course. Not only did they not find Henry, but there wasn’t a single child still left in the building. They had left quick, most of them with all their belongings behind. The fire escapes were still intact, and Emma knew well that they had provided an easy escape out the painless windows.

When they went out the same way they came in, the boy and his group were gone too. She couldn’t blame them. She couldn’t say she would have taken any chances in their situation that she’d been lying about who she was or who she was looking for. Kids didn’t come out to The Bricks without being desperate. And that got her thinking: would Henry have been desperate enough to come here? Since he’d walked into their lives, the times he’d run out on his responsibility had been to go and see her. Did he not find her a good enough escape anymore?

_Where are you, kid?_

The slamming of Regina’s door knocked Emma out of her reverie, and she looked next to her in the car to see tears rolling down her partner’s face.

“Hey,” she called, bringing her hand up to dry Regina’s cheek. “It’s okay. We’re gunna find him. I’m sure he’s okay.”

“Okay?!” Regina sobbed out, nearly making Emma jump. She wasn’t expecting to hear Regina be so loud, but looking at her now, the anguish was clear on her face. “Emma, did those kids look ‘okay’ to you?” She gaped at Emma, as if she expected an answer, causing Emma to shrug and shake her head.

“I...I dunno,” she stammered. “They looked like kids, I guess.”

Regina let out a heartbroken sound as more tears fell. “Emma,” she whispered. And the sound of it made Emma cringe inwardly. She sounded incredulous. And that look, that look she absolutely always hated growing up and after: pity. She wasn’t used to seeing it with Regina.

“What do you want me to say?” she found herself nearly yelling. “I’m sorry! I don’t have a great compass with how ‘okay’ kids are supposed to look, alright? From what I gather from seeing families on TV, what’s going on in there looks pretty rough. But guess what? That’s the cards some kids are dealt. There’s been millions like them since the beginning of time, and there’s going to be a million more right behind them. You can either carry that weight around on your shoulders, or you can try to…”

“Try to what?” Regina interrupted. “Pretend it isn’t happening?”

Emma said nothing, just stared back, not sure how to answer.

“Is that what you’re doing, Emma? Are you pretending this never happened to you?”

“I never said it didn’t happen to me!”

“You’ve never told me about this place, either. You never talk about it. Or your foster families.”

Stunned, Emma stared at her. Talk about it? _This_ place? Why? How cheerful would those conversations be? Did Regina really want the gory details? Any time Emma ever mentioned the slightest thing about her childhood, she could see the pain on Regina’s face. “Is that…is that really what you want?”

Regina closed her eyes, sighing. “Emma, what I want is a middle ground. I don’t need you to hash out old memories with me that are too painful to talk about. But I don’t need to be blindsided by something like,” she gestured out the window towards the building, “this, either. The idea that you spent a single night here is heartbreaking. But you…you’re not reacting to it at all. I can’t believe this is easy for you to come back to. But I don’t think you even considered that before you came here. I think you have pushed it down. And…I think…I think by doing that you’re not letting yourself get better.”

Emma was frozen. She felt like she was struck dumb. She didn’t have a single intelligent thing to say to that. It left her completely raw. She’d been fine a few moments before: she didn’t feel anything at all. She’d got in, she’d said what she needed to say to the kid to gain his trust enough to leave her alone, they’d gotten out. Task closed, on to the next. But now…now Regina was changing it. She was making it…what was she making it.

Real? No…

Maybe.

“We’re just here trying to find Henry,” she huffed angrily, “How did this turn into something about me?” It was weak, but it was all she had.

“Baby,” Regina whispered, bringing a hand up to Emma’s cheek and cupping it, tears still spilling out. “You’re allowed to _feel_ this. Please…don’t bury it until you crash.”

The stinging in Emma’s eyes felt like a betrayal, and she was angry at herself for them. They didn’t need to be here, making this harder than it already was. “I don’t know,” she whispered so softly she wasn’t sure if she was making real words. “what to feel.”

“That’s okay too,” Regina said, answering Emma’s question about the sound of her words. “That’s what Archie is for. But you can’t just make yourself feel nothing because you think that’s safer.”

The moment was broken by the sound of Emma’s phone. She both hated it and thanked it at the same time. She knew Regina was right, but she didn’t have the first clue how to fix it. It felt too big to touch.

Looking down at her phone, she saw that the caller was Sabine. She answered quickly. “Hi Sabine,” she said, letting Regina know who was on the other end. She felt Regina’s knuckle tighten underneath her hand, saw the one on the steering wheel turn white.

“Hi Emma,” Sabine chimed in the phone. “You can stop your search. We’ve found Henry.”

Emma felt a huge rush of elation escape her, her chest lightening considerably at the very words. “Where was he?” she went with instead of gushing her gratitude right away, but she could hear in her voice that she sounded relieved. Beside her, she heard Regina give a big sigh, whispering: “oh, thank god…”

“At an old arcade a few blocks from his school. The owner saw him just hanging around by himself for hours and got concerned. Called the cops. They are there with him now. I’m on my way.”

Emma’s relief twisted in her gut at the sound of the police. “Are they going to take him? To juvi?”

She heard Sabine give a little clearing of her throat. “Not if I can help it. I don’t want him there any more than you. That being said, he has to have some sort of consequence for this frequent running, otherwise he’s just going to keep doing it. And I’d rather have him in juvenile hall than on the streets. But I’d also rather have a better alternative.”

“What are our alternatives?” Emma asked.

“There are programs with the school and a few other places. Things like counseling and mentoring and after school projects to keep him involved and occupied. But they cost money. I’ll have to see if I have any funds in my budget for them.”

“No,” Emma shook her head. “Don’t worry about the money. If that’s all that’s stopping you, I can…”

“It’s not that simple, Emma,” Sabine cut her off. “You don’t have any legal claim to him. I’m not saying its impossible, but it won’t be as simple as writing a check.”

“I don’t care how complicated it is,” Emma said. “If it keeps him out of juvi and helps him, I want it done. I’ll do whatever it takes.”

Emma felt Regina’s eyes on her, both questioning at what she was talking about and also looking impressed with the absolution she heard in her partner’s voice.

“I’ll see what I can do,” Sabine said on the other end. “If you want to meet me there…”

“We’re on our way,” Emma said, and got the name of the arcade to punch into her phone before hanging up.

“So he’s okay?” Regina asked eagerly as Emma ended the call. Emma nodded and explained what was going on, feeling Regina press on the gas to speed up to their newest destination.

It was quiet between the two of them for a while, still holding each other’s hand as they went. Emma felt Regina’s tension come and go, but she herself remained as level as she could, thinking about their conversation when they’d first got in the car, wondering if she needed to call Neil Cassidy to see what kind of help he could be to get her funds in Sabine’s pockets to help Henry. And even though she was wracking her brain about what to do, she couldn’t get what Regina had said to her out of her mind.

“I’m sorry,” Emma said.

“Sorry? For what?” Regina asked, glancing at Emma as she tired to keep her eyes on the road.

“About The Bricks. I guess I just didn’t think before taking you there. If it was too much…I’m sorry.”

“Emma,” she heard Regina sigh, but Emma kept her eyes on her passenger window, watching as the sky turned a dangerous shade of grey. It was definitely going to snow again. “You don’t have to be sorry. First, I insisted on coming. And second, I know I’m no poster boy for talking about the things that hurt most. My father…”

She trailed off, and Emma finally looked over to see Regina’s eyes were shining with tears again. She didn’t need to finish that sentence. Regina found it very hard to talk about her father. But Emma also knew that Regina not talking about her father or trying to sort out those feelings hadn’t led her to flashbacks or age regression. It was a different thing altogether. But Emma got her point. It didn’t make it less important.

Emma squeezed the hand Regina had on her gear shift. The intertwined their fingers. “Maybe you should talk to Archie about him?” Emma asked, and to her relief, Regina gave a little smile.

“I’ve thought about it. Especially with everything going on right now. Ruby and Henry and Zelena…” she trailed off again.

“I’ll make you a deal,” Emma smiled. “I start trying to peel through some of this stuff with Archie, and you maybe go to him on your own for other stuff?”

Regina used her free hand to wipe away a tear. “I’ll take that deal,” she said softly. “I’m sorry if I sounded angry. I…”

“No,” Emma cut her off, squeezing her hand harder, and looking pointedly at Regina. “You were right.”

“But I shouldn’t have brought it up the way I did. I think I was just shocked. I spoke emotionally. I’m sorry.”

Emma found herself smiling. Leave it to Regina to apologize for nothing. “I doubt you would have been as emotional if I’d prepared you better. I shouldn’t have sprung that place on you. That wasn’t fair.”

“I wanted to come,” Regina sighed. “You were right. This is a reality I need to come to grips with. For your past, and Henry’s…”

She trailed off again, and Emma felt the punch in her gut deeply. Henry’s present. That place, and others like it, were Henry’s current reality. And Emma didn’t realize until that point, stepping foot in that place again, that that scared her. Really, really scared her. She’d told Regina she wasn’t going to let anything happen to him, and she’d meant it. How not being able to stand the idea of Henry being hurt had been born and when, she couldn’t say. It had all happened so fast, so suddenly.

But it had happened. Henry. She loved him. He was her family. As complicated as all of that was, as much as Emma wasn’t even sure how to love a family member, she couldn’t deny that she did. And that love, it extended passed any sense of responsibility that she may have felt to him, any loyalty. It was the kind of love that transcended all of those ideas that gave her a sense of “duty”, and reached into a deeper space than that. A space that Ruby held, that Mary Margaret held, that Regina held. Her family. The people in her life that she’d be lost if anything ever happened to. Somewhere along the way, Henry had carved out his own section of that space in her heart.

When they reached the arcade, there were more adults there than children. A police cruiser was outside, what Emma recognized as Sabine’s car, and another with a couple standing in front of it with Sabine, engaged in conversation. Emma felt a strange rock hit the pit of her stomach as she looked on, and saw Henry was sitting with a police officer on a bench outside of the establishment. They parked behind the unfamiliar car, and Regina asked with trepidation in her voice: “Is that…?”

“Henry’s new foster parents?” Emma asked as she eyed the couple. “Probably.”

When they got out, Sabine nodded her acknowledgement of them and waved them forward. Emma felt Regina take her hand swiftly, and she squeezed. Emma looked at her sideways and gave her a lopsided grin.

“Emma, Regina, this is Greg and Tamara. They are Henry’s foster parents.”

Emma tried her best to give the two of them a kind smile, but she found it nearly painful. There was no reason for that, other than they were foster parents. If she hadn’t known that, she would have said they looked harmless enough. They were a young couple, Greg with a receding hairline and a goofy look about him, Tamara with deep chocolate skin and a no-nonsense but kind expression. Emma’s hesitation would have left a very awkward longer than necessary pause in the conversation, but luckily, Regina stepped up and smiled warmly at the two of them.

“I’m Regina Mills,” she said, letting go of Emma’s hand to take Greg and Tamara’s one by one. “I’m Emma’s partner.”

It left just enough time for Emma to snap out of it and put her hand out, giving as much of a smile as she could muster.

“I was just explaining to Greg and Tamara about our discussion on the phone, Emma? They are on board if we want to get Henry into a good program.”

Surprised, Emma gave them both a look. “You’re still willing to take him on after this?”

Greg just gave a goofy grin while Tamara shrugged and spoke up. “I’m sure he just got scared. It’s not easy going to live with strangers.”

Emma blinked, again at a loss for how to talk to these, what suddenly felt like adults to her and she didn’t feel like she was in that same camp just then. This was her first time being around foster parents that weren’t taking _her_. The new experience left her completely lost.

“He’s a really good kid,” Regina offered, again taking the reigns in leu of Emma’s silence. “I think he just needs more…”

Emma didn’t really hear the rest. There was some talk back and forth as she was assessing these adults: her people reading skills were on high alert. Were they genuine? Did they have ulterior motives? Were they saying anything that had a hidden meaning behind him? Tamara was the boss in this outfit, she could tell…or could she? What were their intentions? Was Henry going to be okay with them? Was he…?

“Emma?”

Emma’s head snapped up, and she gaped wide-eyed at Sabine. “Yeah? Sorry,” she shook her head and gave a quick smile. “Sorry, long day.”

“I was just telling Regina that the two of you can go have a couple of words with Henry?”

Emma looked passed Sabine’s shoulder, to where Henry sat, swinging his legs underneath him on the bench. The police officer was showing Henry his badge, and she could see Henry’s little mouth flapping away, probably asking a million questions about shootouts and robbers and whatever else he could think of in his mind. For the first time since she’d gotten out of the car, she felt herself relax just at the site of him, and she realized how relieved she was that he was okay. Had she been worried about that? She’d gone AWOL numerous times at his age. She’d been alright. Better than in whatever place the state wanted to stick her in anyway. But now that she was an adult, she knew that all the things she had done and the places she’d gone, she’d turned out lucky. There were a million and one things that could have gone wrong for her. And that meant they could have gone wrong for Henry. But there he was, safe and sound.

Would he stay that way? Or by sending him off with this couple, was she feeding him to the sharks?

“Yeah,” she said simply, and without another word or look, she headed towards Henry, hearing Regina coming up behind her.

The officer smiled up at them as they approached, and Emma returned the gesture. “Mind if we talk to him for a minute, officer?”

“Sure thing. You be good, Henry,” the man said, giving Henry a little ruffle of his hair, and then getting up to go join the other adults.

Henry looked up at Emma and Regina with a sheepish grin. “I got to hear his sirens,” he offered. “He turned them on for me.”

Emma found herself standing in front of him with her arms crossed, and she gave him a raise of her eyebrow. “Thought we had a deal, kid.”

Henry swallowed and gave a shrug, standing up to gather his oversized backpack. Emma saw he was wearing the sweater Regina had gotten for him, but he was wildly underdressed for the weather. It would start snowing any minute.

“I know,” he said, sounding put out by Emma putting him on the spot. “I just…I really didn’t want to go to the new place.”

“And where did you think you were gunna sleep tonight?” Emma challenged, keeping her voice even keel. She couldn’t find it in herself to be angry with Henry. It would be so hypocritical of her, she knew. She would have done the same thing in his shoes. Then again, she hadn’t had a sibling telling her to do something and then she did the exact opposite.

Henry didn’t even pause at the question. “The school gym is super easy to get into,” he said with a shrug. “They would have never known.”

“Henry,” Regina cut in, and her voice was biting. Emma felt herself wincing at the tone. She knew it well. Mama was very unhappy, and you’d better shape up quick if you didn’t want this to go south for you. “We were very clear about what we expected from you.”

“But everyone always expects stuff,” Henry argued, not catching on to the warning tone in Regina’s voice. Emma didn’t know if she should be impressed or just chalk it up to his inexperience with Regina in general. Maybe a little bit of both. “Nobody asks me what I want.”

“Yeah, but Henry, I told you,” Emma said. “What you want…it takes time. It isn’t as easy as…”

“Stop saying stuff like that!” Henry yelled, and suddenly his cheeks, that were already red from the cold, started to turn purple with anger. “Grownups always say stuff like that! What’s the big deal anyway?! I was gunna go to school tomorrow. I wasn’t gunna miss my test. I just…”

“ _School!?_ ” Regina snapped, freezing both Henry and Emma into place as she lowered herself down to Henry’s level and took hold of his shoulders. Not hard, Emma could see. More of a grip as if to tether yourself to one person, gain a connection. She’d done it to Emma a thousand times, each of those times holding gently as her eyes sought out the other. “You think we’re upset because we thought you’d miss a _test_?! Your sister and I have been worried _sick!_ We didn’t know if somebody had grabbed you, if you were with safe people, if you were cold or hungry or scared or hurt. We knew _nothing_. The last thing on our mind was school. Don’t you ever, _ever_ put us through this again!”

“I…” he stammered, but stopped, gaping at Regina with wide, bewildered eyes. Emma watched as Henry’s face contorted into something akin to shock. Regina had stunned him. And Emma, orphan that she had always been, understood that look completely. She had had to wait until adulthood until she’d had it herself, but she’d had it. That realization that your actions weren’t an annoyance. You weren’t inconveniencing somebody who had to take the afternoon to make the proper phone calls or follow the right protocol. You weren’t a missing number in a headcount that needed to be rectified. You had people, genuine loved ones that were suffering due to your actions. You had people who cared, who worried about you.

When the realization hit his face, though stunned as he was, his eyes pooled over as he stared back at Regina. And as they streamed down his cheeks, he flew forward and wrapped his tiny arms around Regina’s waist.

As she hugged him back, Henry buried his face in Regina’s stomach, but Emma could still hear the high-pitched sob that escaped him. When it sounded like a siren, Regina cradled his head to her, kissed the top of it, and just held on. They were both clinging to each other for dear life.

And Emma, she was stuck. The relief she’d felt moments ago at finally seeing Henry was okay had been obliterated as her heart shattered, watching her partner hold this little lost boy that she saw so much of herself in. Her brother. Her family. Emma had blood family. That wanted her.

She found herself finally moving forward, crouching down behind Henry, who was holding onto Regina like a life raft. She reached out to touch his back. “Hey,” she called.

Henry peeked his red, tear-stricken face to look at her. His shoulders were pitching up and down with his sobs, his frown deep as he looked at her.

“You scared us, buddy. Promise you won’t take off again. For real this time. Regina and I…we’d be heartbroken if something happened to you. Not knowing where you were? We kept fearing the worst.”

“But you don’t want me.”

“It’s more complicated than that.”

“Grace says that when somebody really wants something, they make it work. No matter what.”

Emma had to smile. “Your friend Grace is really smart. But the really important things? Those take time. You gotta trust us, kid. Trust that what we’re doing and the way we’re doing it is what’s best for you.”

It felt like all her limbs weighed ten times what they used to as she handed Henry over to these new adults. Emma wasn’t sure if she’d ever felt so torn in her life. That numbness that had wrapped itself around her earlier, it dwindled into something far more complex and painful. But she kept a brave face for Henry’s sake as she smiled and nodded at him when she and Regina finally go in their car.

“Emma,” Regina started, as they drove away, but said no more.

Once out of sight of Henry, Emma just put her face in her hands and sighed. “I know,” she said.

“ _Are_ we doing what’s best for him?”

Emma brought her hands away, laying back against the seat and turning to face Regina. And they just looked at each other. For a long moment, Emma just gazed in her partner’s eyes. And no words were needed. She just gave Regina a sad little smile. She watched Regina’s eyes fill.

“I’ll call Cassidy tomorrow. Yeah?” Emma asked quietly.

“How long will it take?” Regina answered.

Emma had to laugh. How would she know? Nobody’d ever tried with her when she was a kid, and if they had, she wouldn’t have been privy to the adult conversations. “Who knows. It’s going to be a legal paperwork nightmare.”

“Good thing I’m a legal nightmare professional,” Regina smiled, putting her hand on Emma’s cheek, and rubbing away a tear there with her thumb.

The light they were at turned green, and Regina put her focus back on the road. “He’s safe until then, Em. They seemed like good people.”

Emma just nodded silently. They did. But that was little consolation. How many seemingly good people had the state entrusted with her?

***

Regina pulled into their parking space at the apartment and shut off the engine. She let out a deep sigh. Finally, after this rollercoaster of a day, she and Emma were finally home, and could relax. Said Emma was already snoozing next to her, yellow hair spilled out in front of her face as her head lolled to the side. Regina couldn’t help the smile that came over her as she looked fondly at Emma being able to rest. She brought her hand up to run through that hair and shift it behind Emma’s ear. “Hey. Wake up, darling,” she whispered.

Emma stirred, blinking into consciousness. Her eyes fell on Regina, and there was a little spark in them that Regina recognized instantly. Emma’s face broke out into a smile as she stretched, and then she looked around her, realizing she was in the car. She put her eyes back on Regina and reached out, making grabby hands as she did. “Mama, milkies please?”

A warm, comfortable feeling of home swept over Regina. Her day had started early, with a fussy Little One. Then a sad, confused partner who decided a distraction was the best course of action. Regina had jumped on the opportunity, feeling lust overtake her as she took Emma on her desk. It was a few moments of pure bliss until just a couple hours later, Regina was plunged into a panic that Henry was gone. That panic turned to heartbreak as she watched her partner enter an abandoned warehouse with such familiarity that it forced Regina to try and control the expressions on her face so that Emma wouldn’t pick up on it. That lasted all of five seconds as she saw a group of unloved children call that filthy place their home; a harsh reality she had only until that moment understood the concept of, but not the true nature of the despair. She watched her partner emote nothing as she exchanged words with them, show such a matter-of-fact attitude at what any other reasonable adult would be horrified to witness. It had made a reality sink in, one she already knew well, but again, hadn’t witnessed first-hand: Emma shut it all out. She shut down, turned robotic at the mere sight and concept of children in peril. Because that was how she had survived it herself. It had broken Regina in a way she didn’t know she could be broken. She was aware of how hard it was for herself to cope with Emma’s childhood trauma. But she hadn’t had to face it so acutely before. It nearly shattered her. Then a bit of relief as they found Henry safe.

She was exhausted. She was every emotion all at once. But she took one look in those loving, trusting eyes, and the weight seemed to drift off. Her baby…

A relieved sigh escaped her as she cupped Baby Emma’s cheek. With the day they had had, she wasn’t surprised to see her here now. “Let’s get inside first, okay my love?”

Baby Emma nodded as she rubbed her eyes tiredly. Regina wondered how long Baby Emma would stick around: she was exhausted and likely to go in and out of sleep.

She held Emma’s hand to the elevator, all the while Emma was swinging around and trying to push all the buttons for every floor: something Regina had to keep constant vigilance of when she had Baby Emma around. Toddlers loved pushing buttons, especially when they lit up. Even tired, Emma wanted to try.

“Stop that, you little monkey,” Regina grabbed Emma around the waist and gathered her up, Emma squealing in delight at being caught. When the door opened, she wriggled free and started running down the hall towards their door, Regina hot on her heels, chuckling to herself. It was always cathartic to just watch Emma play.

She got the door open and rid herself of her work bag, making Emma hold still to take off her jacket. Once she was free of it, she went barreling into the living room.

“Walk, please!” Regina called after her, letting out a relieved sigh at finally being home. “What a day,” she mumbled to herself as she heard the television turn on and Emma crank the volume up. “Emma,” she called. “You know better.” She walked into the living room to see Emma fumbling with the remote, trying to turn the volume down. But Regina took it gently and shut the television off.

“Mama!” Emma looked up from her spot on the couch and pouted. “Wanna watch a movie.”

“Not right now, Em,” she said.

“Please?”

Regina cocked an eyebrow with a smirk. “I thought you wanted your milkies? Go get Pankie, please.”

That got Emma up without any more complaint. She headed down the hall, and Regina went to work setting the throw pillows up so she could support Emma on her arm while she nursed. She realized she was humming to herself happily as she was doing it; it was about to be the perfect end to a less than perfect day.

And then her front door opened, followed by a series of banging noises.

“Son of a bitch…Jesus jumped up Ka-Ryst!”

“Zelena?” Regina’s head whipped around as she heard the cacophony of curse words and clamoring of items hitting her hardwood floor.

“Ugh!” Zelena’s voice answered. “God damn lock. I’m glad you’re moving. I don’t have to worry about shimmying that damn thing open again.”

“What are you…?”

“Auntie!!!” Emma came screaming down the hall and nearly jumped in Zelena’s arms. What she had left in them almost fell to the floor until she pivoted just the right way.

“Hello, Little Dove. Careful!” she chided as she saved the items, and Regina realized with a sinking feeling what was in her hands. Food. Lots of it. The smell of Italian dishes came wafting into her senses, but instead of being delighted, she felt a sudden dread.

“Family night,” Regina groaned, and her face fell into her hands as she suddenly remembered. It was Monday. Monday was Family Night with their group. And since Mary Margaret had just had a kid and they all thought Ruby and Zelena’s house would be a bit too depressing, Regina and Emma had offered to host. It had originally been planned to be cancelled because of Neil being born, but Mary Margaret had been adamant: they had been cancelling them too often recently, and she needed something to look forward to. They weren’t going to cancel on her behalf. So everyone was planning to shuffle into the apartment that night. After everything that had happened, Regina had completely forgot, especially since she’d set it up for Zelena to pick up Italian food so she didn’t have to cook.

“You sound surprised,” Zelena chuckled as she finally managed to waltz into the kitchen and expertly avoid Emma’s curious fingers poking through the food containers.

“Zee,” Regina lifted her head up, and apparently the mere look on her face was enough for her sister to see just how dreaded this was going to be for her.

“Bloody hell, Bun,” Zelena mumbled. “What’s wrong?”

“Mama said no tv,” Emma announced, clearly thinking that this was the correct answer. It was only then that Zelena took a good look at Emma and realized she wasn’t in Little Space.

“Ah,” she nodded in understanding. “Oh, don’t worry, Bun,” Zenela put her arms around Emma and planted a kiss on her cheek. “I’ll help out with this one.”

“It’s…not just that. God, Zelena this day has been…”

“Why? What happened?” Zelena asked as Emma began rifling through the boxes of food. “Auntie said no, Dove,” Zelena pivoted her attention to Emma and took her hands. “Listen to me, I’ve got a very important job for you.”

That had Emma’s full attention, and she looked at her auntie with interest. Any little kid loved the idea of being given an important task, like they could really make a difference by their actions. Emma always responded well to it.

Regina watched her sister turn serious as she chucked Emma under the chin. “You know MeeMee was having a baby?”

“Uh huh,” Emma nodded.

“Well, you get to meet that little baby tonight.”

Regina was watching Emma closely. She didn’t seem to have much of a reaction to this. She simply stuck her thumb in her mouth and nodded.

“You have to be extra gentle with him. Okay? He’s very little.”

Again, Emma nodded, not looking that impressed with this particular task. She mumbled something behind her thumb, prompting Zelena to remove it from her mouth.

“Come again?” she asked.

“Can’t touch,” she said.

“I didn’t say you couldn’t touch,” Zelena smiled at her. “But when you do, you just have to be very gentle.”

At this, Emma’s eyes widened in surprise, and she finally turned her attention to Regina. “Mama? Can I touch?”

For a moment, Regina was confused by this exchange. But it only took her a second to remember: Emma had seen a lot of babies in her time in the system. More than likely, she had been given very strict instructions when she was little to not go near them so that the adults didn’t have to worry about the toddlers accidentally hurting them. Babies, to Emma, were a background thing to be avoided.

“Yes, baby,” she smiled reassuringly. “Mama will help you. Okay?”

Emma, mouth open in surprise, just nodded, looking nervous at the prospect. Regina took hold of Emma’s hand and squeezed before turning her attention to her sister. “Zee, can you take care of setting out the food? I’ve got to…” she tugged on her shirt, and saw the realization hit her sister’s face.

“Go. I’ve got this,” Zelena waved them away and began looking around for the service trays to transfer the food into.

The unfortunate part of Zelena coming in with the news that people were coming over was that Emma was now completely distracted. Regina settled them on the couch, unbuttoning her blouse and freeing her breast from the confines of her bra as Emma tucked into the bend of her arm. But Emma was fidgeting and talkative now.

“Mama, I can hold the baby?” she asked as Regina tried to get her to latch.

She smiled down as she guided her nipple to Emma’s lips. Her breasts were beginning to ache now, and she was hoping she had enough time for Emma to nurse. “Sshh…” she smoothed Emma’s hair behind her ear Emma latched on. “Let’s have our milkies first. Then we can talk about the baby. Okay?”

That satisfied Emma for a few moments, and she began to suckle, relieving Regina of the biggest ache. But Emma only continued for a moment before unlatching. “Whatsa baby’s name?”

“Emma,” she gave a kind warning tone, tapping Emma’s bottom softly to remind her to focus and hopefully start a steady rhythm to soothe her curious toddler. “Mama just told you. We’ll talk after your milk.”

There was a banging in the kitchen followed by a cuss word, and Regina held back her groan. So much for having a peaceful evening, but it appeared she couldn’t have a peaceful few moments either. Emma once again popped Regina’s nipple out of her mouth and gasped.

“Mama, bad words!”

Sighing, Regina closed her eyes and counted to five to keep herself from screaming for Zelena to shut up. Then she managed a very tight: “Auntie, please use kind words.”

“Bugger,” she heard Zelena grunt, and rolled her eyes as she smiled back down at Emma.

“This is your last warning, Em.” She really hoped Emma would take her seriously. The very last thing she wanted to do was put Emma in a time out and then have to pump. Emma always cried in time outs, which would only make her produce more milk, making the task even more torturous.

Thankfully, Emma latched back on without another word, walking her fingers over the mound of Regina’s breast like she was pretending they were legs. Regina smiled, trying to settle herself down so that she could appreciate the few minutes of quiet they could have until everyone arrived.

When they’d finally finished, Regina took them into the bathroom to put Emma’s hair up in a ponytail and wash her face. She freshened herself up too as she heard the doorbell ring, and her sister call that she’d get it. A chattering of greetings followed in their entryway, and Emma’s face lit up.

“MeeMee!” she squeaked.

Regina could also hear Killian, August, and David in the crowd. The whole crew had shown up. Well, mostly the whole crew, but they would obviously not be expecting Ruby…

As Emma went to run down the hall, Regina caught her and gave her a serious eye. “Remember what Mama and Auntie told you?”

Emma looked at Regina with vacant eyes, and stuck her thumb in her mouth, clearly hoping the gesture would keep her from having to answer.

Regina smiled and took out her thumb. “Em, what did we say? Did we say gentle?”

A spark of memory flashed in Emma’s face, and she nodded. “Uh huh.”

“Good girl. Let’s go.”

But Emma didn’t run down the hall like Regina expected. Instead, she waited for her Mama to go, and trailed behind her. The male voices had clearly slowed down her excitement. Baby Emma had met David numerous times, but Mary Margaret was always so involved with Emma that she took all the attention Emma may have paid to him away. August and Baby Emma had an argumentative relationship, as she’d woken up several times with him and nearly lost her head at being left alone with a strange man. Since then, she tolerated August, but was weary of him. Killian had yet to meet Baby Emma.

It seemed to dawn on Emma then too, that there were adults in the house that she was unfamiliar with, and that never went down well with the toddler.

This, Regina sighed inwardly, should be interesting. As she felt Emma grab a fistful of the back of her shirt, Regina heard Zelena giving a quiet rundown of what was going on to the newcomers, and Regina cleared her throat as they came into the entryway. David was holding a car seat with a blanket thrown over it, holding Neil inside. Killian had his arms full with a box of various drinks, and Mary Margaret was taking off her jacket. She looked like she had much more blood flowing behind her cheeks than she had in the hospital and had clearly bounced back enough to be on her feet, but Regina could see she was still sore and tired.

However, when her eyes fell on Emma, Mary Margaret gave a huge smile, and opened her arms. “Hi sweetie,” she called.

Regina gave Emma a smile as she felt the fist holding her shirt let go, and Emma left the safety behind her mama to go give Mary Margaret a hug. Thumb buried in her mouth, Emma mumbled, “hi MeeMee,” behind it as she fell into the open arms. Mary Margaret kissed her head as Emma pulled away. “Wheresa baby?”

“Right here,” David smiled, bringing the car seat forward and lifting the blanket off. As Regina approached, she saw Neil’s face underneath blankets, snoozing quietly. “This is your cousin, Neil.”

Emma sucked her thumb, looking down at the baby as Mary Margaret rubbed the small of Emma’s back.

“I’m gunna put these down,” Killian cleared his throat and found an excuse to exit the entryway.

August just snorted a laugh as he watched his friend enter the kitchen. “You’ll get used to it. She’s still a brat.”

“August,” Regina hissed at him. “Hush.”

August just winked and smiled.

“What is it with all of you insisting on teaching my toddler awful words?” Regina shook her head as she glared at both August and Zelena.

Zelena just chuckled and put her arm around her sister. “Relax, Bun. I brought you your favorite duck ravioli.”

Regina felt her mouth water, and realized that she hadn’t eaten much of anything the entire day, suddenly feeling famished. But she looked behind her to see Emma peering down at Neil, Mary Margaret talking softly to her as David just looked down at his son proudly.

“She’s fine,” Zelena whispered in her ear. “Try to relax. I’ve got this covered.”

Zelena had managed to not completely trash the kitchen. She’d also managed to get the whole spread out for everyone to pick and choose their favorite appetizers and pasta dishes. Killian was setting out various bottles on the counter next to all the food.

“It’s all different bubbly waters,” he announced. “August thought it’d be nice to have a little solidarity this evening,” he nodded Zelena’s way.

Regina felt warmth towards August at the gesture, but Zelena just scoffed. “I can handle myself. But thanks anyway, boys.”

“She seems the same to me,” Killian said conversationally, tilting his head toward the entryway.

Regina actually laughed at the comment. “That’s because you’re used to a shy Little Emma at the clubs. She’s very weary of new adults when she’s regressed. But she’s very different once she opens up.”

“How’s that?”

“She’s a total punk,” August chuckled as he tossed a piece of bread in his mouth. “Trust me dude, if she gets unhappy about something, she’s gunna tell you.”

“That’s any toddler,” Zelena said.

“Hey, don’t get me wrong, I’m not knocking it. I admire the kid. She’s not too unlike the real Emma to me. She just talks different.”

“I feel terrible for your father, August,” Regina said as she began opening one of the bottles of bubbly water. “You were probably an awful child.”

Again, August got a proud look on his face, and he nodded. “I was.”

Emma came bouncing in, and she had excited eyes. “Mama! Mee Mee let me touch his cheek!”

Regina widened her eyes and dropped her jaw in mock surprise. “Really?”

“Its soft,” Emma giggled, and stuck her thumb back in her mouth.

“Good girl,” Regina praised, taking Emma’s thumb out at the same time. Clearly, Emma was nervous with all of the commotion in the house, as she kept trying to soothe herself. But Regina didn’t want to get her pacifier just as they were about to sit down and eat.

“I got you spaghetti and meatballs, Little Dove. And garlic bread.”

The announcement distracted Emma from being too upset about her thumb being denied to her, though she made a little grunting noise at Regina before turning to her Auntie. She gave Zelena a big smile and made an excited noise. Regina felt her stomach settle just a little at the thought that she might succeed in getting some food down Emma that evening.

Zelena insisted on pouring her bubbly water into a champaign glass, and she took the seat on the opposite side of Emma from Regina while August managed the farthest chair away from her, letting David and Mary Margaret settle in with the baby near Mary Margaret’s feet. Killian didn’t seem as interested in his meal as he said to Regina: “I was going to talk to Emma about the name she asked about. Merida DunBrach? She’s not currently around The Scene, but used to be. So I’m working on getting her contact info. It hasn’t proven easy.”

Regina felt her heart sink as Zelena gave an audible noise, but she shook her head. “Let’s talk about it later.” She shot Emma a sideways glance, who was busy trying to roll a meatball onto her fork. Reflexively, Regina took the fork and her knife and began cutting the meatball up, bringing a piece of it to Emma’s mouth. She took it without complaint.

Regina looked back at Killian to see him watching her, and then nodded. “Right. Sorry.”

“Do you know why Gold would give her that name, Regina?” David asked, making Regina raise her eyebrows at him with severity.

“David,” Mary Margaret chided. “Let’s not.”

But despite them being careful not to mention Ruby, Emma was not listening in the slightest. She was fully enamored with her garlic bread, stabbing at it with her fork before Regina tutted at her and removed her silverware from her completely and began giving Emma controlled bites. As she did, the baby began wailing, and Mary Margaret got up, flustered, trying to unbuckle her son from the carrier to pick him up.

“He’s turned out a bit colicky,” David said loudly over the noise.

“He’s just opinionated,” Mary Margaret said in a cooing voice as she finally got Neil in her arms.

Zelena winced as she drank her bubbly. “Don’t have to worry about those lungs, do you?”

It was pretty loud, Regina chuckled to herself. Impressive for a newborn. But she had been distracted enough by the noise to let up giving Emma another bite, and now that she put her attention back on her toddler, she could see Emma was dabbing at the spaghetti sauce on her place and sucking it off her finger, humming absently to herself and sliding down her chair in her usual squirmy way. She was completely unfazed by the noise.

Regina watched Emma reach for her sippy cup and take a drink of the juice inside, swishing the drink around in her mouth playfully before swallowing, all the while humming to herself under the noise as Neil’s cries amped up to the point of Mary Margaret excusing them to go down the hall and tend to him there.

Emma was too used to that noise, Regina realized. Screaming babies didn’t phase her in the least. They were to not be touched, they were to be ignored. Completely.

Recalling the conversation she’d had with Emma on their way home from the hospital, Regina winced.

_I had to learn not to get attached. I didn’t realize until I saw him I’d have to work at it._

The food that Regina had managed suddenly felt like a stone in her stomach. She’d had far too many reminders of Emma’s troubled past for one day.

“Mama, more juice,” Emma announced as she put her sippy cup down on the table. Regina propped her head in her hand as she elbowed the table and gave Emma a pointed smile. Emma caught the look and gave a sheepish grin. “Mama, more juice, please?” she corrected.

“See?” August nudged Killian’s shoulder with his own. “Exactly the same.”

Regina rolled her eyes at August as she smiled warmly at Emma. “Thank you, baby. Just a little more okay? It’s almost bed time.”

Emma looked scandalized at the announcement, but was distracted by August holding out his glass of bubbly water towards Emma. “Here, Em. Try this.”

Emma eyed the glass suspiciously and then August.

“You’ll like it,” he said.

Regina rolled her eyes again as she waited to see what Emma would do. Zelena scoffed as she brought the glass closer. “You trust her too much. She’ll spill it everywhere. Here, Dove,” she said, holding the glass to Emma’s lips.

Emma looked over at Regina, as if to ask permission, and Regina gave her a shrug. “You can try it. It’s not a big girl drink.”

Emma allowed Zelena to bring the glass to her mouth, and she took a bigger gulp than she meant to. But she swallowed it down like a champ, all the while her face screwing up as if she’d just drank something sour. She let out a shriek and stuck her tongue out. “Ick!” Apparently, the bubbles had surprised her.

August, Killian, and David were laughing as Zelena cleaned Emma’s chin up from dribbling some of the bubbly water while Regina got up to get Emma just the smallest amount of juice. She really didn’t need Emma on a sugar high just before bed. Emma stuck her finger in August’s face and once again pronounced: “Ick!” as if he were something sticky on the bottom of her shoe.

After that, Regina tried to get a few more bites into Emma while everyone chatted. Mary Margaret had taken up residence on the couch to nurse Neil, and as everyone was cleaning up their dishes, Regina got Emma’s paci to try and get her to wind down. Sitting next to Mary Margaret, Regina encouraged Emma to come with her and have some relaxing time. Emma sat pressed against her mama, suckling on her paci, peering down at Neil. He had finished his own meal and was being burped as Mary Margaret and Regina talked. Eventually, Emma’s head began to bob against Regina’s chest, her eyes drooping.

“She’s going,” Mary Margaret nodded to Emma.

Regina smiled and kissed the top of Emma’s head, trying to cradle it to her chest, but Emma was still fighting it. She kept trying to keep her eyes open to monitor the goings on around her.

“It won’t take long,” Regina said. “I’ve got to make sure once she’s really done, I get her changed.”

“Zelena mentioned something about Henry? Everything okay?”

Emma was far too tired to be paying any attention to their conversation, but Regina still chose her words carefully. “He’s okay. He went with a new family today. It was hard on him. Emma and I…have some talking to do later.”

Mary Margaret nodded. “Lots of changes lately.”

Nodding, Regina sighed. “Yes. It’s why we’re seeing so much of this one,” she hugged Emma closer, and Emma didn’t fight her this time. She blinked slowly, her suckling becoming lazy around her pacifier. “Sshh…” she whispered in Emma’s ear. “Close your eyes, baby.”

“You’re a miracle,” Mary Margaret smiled at her, eyes looking wistful. “But…are you okay, Regina? Do you need help? David and I, we’re here for you if you do.”

Regina smiled back, resting her cheek against the top of Emma’s head. “We’re okay,” she said. “Emma and I…we’re a team. We’re going to get through this. We always do.”


	32. Author's Note

Hello Everyone! I wanted to give a little note that I'm going to take a few weeks away from the story. Nothing bad, I just have a LOT going on right now, and am having a hard time focusing on the writing while it's all happening. I will be back on February 28th with a new chapter, and will continue from there with hopefully weekly updates. I've been skirting weekly updates because of everything going on, and I'd rather not rush this stuff.

This will give me some time to hopefully get caught up on some chapters too, and I think you will all be happy with the results.

In the meantime I can still do my streams, which I haven't really been doing because I've been so busy. But you can totally join me there on Sunday nights if you want to. Until then, I hope everyone is doing okay. I know we've all been through a hell of a year and are still going through it. Let's be supportive of each other!

Lots of love sent your way from me, and I'm incredibly grateful for the support I get from all of you.

-Rolly


	33. Shelburne Falls

It was dark when Emma woke up, and she realized that the last thing she remembered was sitting in Regina’s car, looking sleepily out the window after a long day. They’d been on their way to pick up her Bug, but clearly that hadn’t happened, because Emma could tell now that she was laying in her crib. She groaned as she rolled on her back, giving herself a moment to let the disorientation pass. She hated her regressions for many reasons, one of them being that one moment she was in one place, and the next she was in another. She felt like she was a character in Star Trek, beamed to a different spot in an instant, only she had never requested to be beamed up.

Eventually having all her faculties about her, Emma sat up and rubbed her eyes. She saw that the sun still hadn’t come up, and looking to the bed, Regina was snoozing comfortably on her side, though she was wrapped up in more blankets than normal since she didn’t have Emma’s heat next to her.

Looking at the clock next to Regina, she saw that it was nearly six in the morning. Their alarm wouldn’t go off for another forty-five minutes. Unlatching the rails of her crib, Emma got to her feet and padded into the bathroom. She stripped and removed her diaper, thinking that Regina would be disappointed she wasn’t able to do it, but Emma wanted to get cleaned up and make Regina some coffee and breakfast. She’d been doing a lot for them lately; Emma wanted to try and return the favor as much as she could.

She stood under the shower for a while, just getting her wits about her, wondering what had happened in between falling asleep in the car in the late afternoon to waking up in her crib more than twelve hours later. Yesterday had been rough; she guessed her mind was forcing her to take a break.

Sighing, Emma wasn’t sure if she was frustrated with that reality, mad about it, or if it was just plain depressing. Regina’s words harkened back to her about The Bricks yesterday. She didn’t talk about that place. Not to Regina, not to anyone. If she’d been asked before then, she would have said her experiences there didn’t really bother her. But she wasn’t sure now if that was true.

After everything that had happened, she still had so much to work out.

She finished up in the shower and threw some clothes on quickly before heading down the hall, where she was surprised to already smell fresh-brewed coffee. Zelena was sitting at their dining room table, tapping away at her laptop as she wore her thick, black-rimmed glasses that seemed to be the only feature that made her and Regina look remotely related. Regina had inherited their father’s olive complexion and dark hair; Zelena had inherited Cora’s freckles and ginger locks.

“Hello Dove,” Zelena looked up and smiled as she sipped her coffee.

“Hey. What are you doing here?”

“Oh,” Zelena looked back at her screen and shrugged, mind already back to whatever it was she was doing. “It was family dinner night last night and Bun needed the help, so…”

“Wait…” Emma felt her eyes bug out as she interrupted. “Family dinner night?” Oh crap. She’d forgotten. They’d arranged to have it at their house, but after everything that had happened yesterday, she and Regina hadn’t even discussed it.

“Yup,” Zelena nodded. “We had Italian. I brought you spaghetti and meatballs. Big hit. You passed right out afterwards.”

Emma groaned, rubbing her face hard with her hands. Great. It was bad enough to regress, she thought. But she absolutely hated everyone seeing her that way. It was so humiliating.

“I stuck around to clean up. Let Regina focus on just you. Feeling rested?”

“Not…exactly,” Emma grumbled.

“Well, have a cuppa,” Zelena said jovially, sounding more like herself than she had in a while. “You’ll feel right as rain.”

Emma decided to cut up some grapefruit instead, and after she’d managed to make a decent spread, went back down the hall.

Regina was sprawled out, clutching at Emma’s pillow, holding it close to her. Smiling, Emma sunk down behind her and pulled Regina’s back against her, spooning Regina close as she nuzzled into the nape of her neck. She took in Regina’s scent, kissing her shoulder. Regina gave a sleepy moan in response, her arms moving from around the pillow to over Emma’s embracing arms. Emma felt her leg being captured in between her partner’s.

“Good morning,” she whispered, kissing Regina’s shoulder again.

“Mm…what’re you doing out of bed, babygirl?” Regina said thickly.

“I am in bed,” Emma chuckled, squeezing Regina tighter. “I cut up some fruit for breakfast. Zee made coffee.”

Regina gave an appreciative sound, but didn’t move. “Just hold me a little longer?” she said instead.

Emma leaned forward to place a kiss on Regina’s jawline. “I’ll hold you as long as you want,” she replied.

Regina sighed and scooted back to get closer, Emma responding by hugging her tighter.

“Oy!” Both Emma and Regina jumped as the door banged open. Zelena came prancing in, making a beeline for the curtains and flashing them open quickly. The sun was barely up, but it brought in enough light to completely ruin the cozy atmosphere around them. “It’s morning, sunshines!”

“Zelena,” Regina bit out through a clenched jaw. “The next time you barge into our bedroom without knocking, I’m going to throw you off the balcony.”

“Speaking of balconies,” Zelena said conversationally, not at all perturbed by the threat, “Are you keeping that ghastly iron furniture out there that you never use, or can we chuck it? There’s already so many things to pack. Honestly, I don’t know how the two of you managed to stuff so many things in such a small space.”

“Packing…” Emma groaned, hiding her face in the pillow as Regina turned over on her back and stretched. “I don’t want to pack anymore.”

“Fine,” Zelena shrugged. “We can leave all your stuff here for the Salvation Army. How many Star Wars DVDs do you need anyway?”

“They’re Blu Ray, first of all,” Emma argued as Regina got up, making her relent and get out of bed too. She glared at Zelena as Regina ignored the exchange altogether and went into their bathroom, closing the door behind her. “And as many as they keep releasing with more never-before-seen special features.”

Zelena looked at Emma then for what appeared to be the first serious expression of the morning. “You have three weeks to have everything packed, Dove. Do you realize that?”

Emma felt her jaw slacken, and for an odd moment, she stood gaping at Zelena. Three weeks? How in the hell had that happened?

“Did I just witness a eureka moment?” Zelena cocked an eyebrow, looking at Emma expectantly.

Swallowing, Emma found her voice. “Sort of…”

“Good!” Zelena began stalking towards the bedroom door, tapping Emma’s bottom on her way out. “Get that fiancé of yours out here, and let’s get up and at ‘em.”

As she left, Emma’s mouth felt like sandpaper, and she went to the door of the bathroom. “Mama?” she called, hearing her voice sound small and quiet.

She had heard the sink water running, but it stopped and was quiet for a moment before the door opened to reveal Regina’s worried expression. “Honey? What’s wrong?” Her tone matched that of the attentive mama Emma knew, and she found herself sinking just a bit further down.

“Auntie says we have three weeks.”

Mama blinked. “Three weeks until what?”

“Moving day.”

Finally letting go of the door handle and coming forward to bring Emma into an embrace, Mama gave a soothing noise in her ear, making the cold in Emma’s chest warm just enough. “Are you sorry we did this, baby? Do you want to slow down? We can.”

“No,” Emma said quickly, pulling away to give Regina as serious of a face as she could muster in her current headspace. “No slowing down. It just…”

“Surprised you?” Mama asked kindly, tucking a strand of hair behind Emma’s ear.

Emma nodded, raising her fingers to her lips and giving a nervous suck. She saw a smile come across Mama’s face, and felt her fingers removed from her mouth.

“It’s alright, my love,” Mama whispered, leaning forward to press their lips together. “Maybe when you see Archie today, you can talk about it. Hm?”

Emma nodded once more, remembering that it was in fact Tuesday. Archie day.

“Do you want me to come?” she heard and realized that she’d been standing there, contemplating things in silence as Regina regarded her. She felt the arms around her tighten, and Emma gave a smile.

“No, it’s okay. You should stay at the office today. I’m sure yesterday put you behind.”

Zelena had several boxes ready to go in the living room when they finally joined and started their breakfast. She prattled on and on about things that were a little too intricate for Emma to wrap her head around, until she finally shrugged and decided that whatever was in the house could simply just be packed at this point, save for anything on her work desk in the spare bedroom.

By the next hour, they were heading out of the apartment, Regina taking Emma to her car all the way by Finley Park.

“It probably won’t start,” Emma sighed.

“Maybe it’s time you took my suggestion seriously?” Regina grinned from the driver’s seat, making Emma give her a glare.

“I’m not trashing it. Not yet…”

“You know, the new house has a three car garage. Maybe you can get a different car while you and August fix the Bug up in it?”

Emma found herself smiling. That was an idea she sort of liked. “Henry seemed to enjoy helping me that one time. Maybe that’s something he and I can do together?” She gave Regina a sideways glance to see the smile on her face widen.

“That sounds like a good idea.”

Emma’s phone rang just then, and she looked down to see Killian’s ID pop up. “Hey Killian, what’s up?” Emma answered.

“Merida DunBrach was not easy to get ahold of. You owe me one, mate.”

Rolling her eyes, Emma deadpanned. “How about I pay you back by talking to her and figuring out what the hell is going on here.”

“Oh,” he cleared his throat. “Yeah. Guess that makes sense.”

Emma gave a laugh, and rolled her eyes. “So you found her?”

“I did. But she’s not in Boston anymore. And she doesn’t want to come here either. She didn’t talk to me much. Really cagy. She gave me an address to a café she’ll meet you at tomorrow at ten in the morning if you want to speak to her.”

“Oh,” Emma said. “Okay. Where at?”

“Ever heard of a town called Shelburne Falls?”

“Uh, no…”

“It’s just a couple hours away. Can you make it?”

“Yeah,” Emma said, opening Regina’s glovebox to find a pen and paper. “Sure. Okay, where am I meeting her?”

Killian gave her the address, and she thanked him. “Let’s meet up when I get back then, okay?”

“Sure thing. Good luck, Swan.”

***

“You seem distracted,” Archie observed as Emma sat on her side of the room. The coffee table between them held the usual trinkets and fidget spinners, and Emma was busy with one of them now, letting the liquid motion bubbler.

Fixated on blue droplets bleeding out of funnels into clear liquid, Emma gave a shrug. “A lot has been happening.”

“Well,” Archie sat forward, folding his hands together. “Tell me about it.”

“Do I hold back information?” Emma blurted out, looking up from the calming vision of the motion bubbler and giving Archie a glare as if he were on trial. “Have I ever told you about The Bricks?”

Archie gave his signature calming little smile and shook his head once. “Not familiar with The Bricks. As for information, I don’t know what I don’t know. Do you feel like you’ve been holding back information?”

“I dunno,” Emma shrugged. “Maybe…”

“Well, let’s say you did hold back information. Just generally speaking, if you were to, why do you think you would? What would be your motivation?”

Emma blinked, surprised. “I…I’m not sure. I mean, I don’t think I’m doing it on purpose. I just…there’s stuff I don’t want to talk about. Or even think about, I guess.”

“Is The Bricks one of them?”

“Yeah,” Emma shrugged again. “I guess. I mean, it wasn’t a great place, really. But after the last time I ever had to be there, I guess I just never looked back. So I never brought it up with anyone really.”

“Okay,” Archie sat back, nodding agreeably. “That’s fair. What about it wasn’t great?”

Emma laughed. “Are you kidding? The place was a shithole. An old, abandoned building with no electricity, no heat, and a bunch of homeless kids running around? Some kids that did have homes came there too, just to party. Brought booze and drugs, got into fights, girls got hurt there. It was impossible to sleep, but it beat sleeping on the streets alone.”

Archie said nothing, just regarded Emma with a look of strange serenity. It was a while before he finally spoke. “Am I to understand that this was some sort of hideout that you went to as a child?”

Emma felt herself blush at not only her outburst, but also at the reveal of The Bricks, which apparently seemed to be a surprise to Archie. “Yeah, I guess you could call it that.”

“And what were the circumstances that led you to be there?”

“Uh,” Emma felt her face scrunch up, thinking. There were plenty of circumstances, she thought. She had no idea how many times she’d been to The Bricks to get away, but there were certainly enough times that it had been a reoccurring location. “Okay, so one time, when I was about twelve? I was living with this family that had four other foster kids. You know, one of those places where the people were basically finding ways to collect from the government so they didn’t have to work? Anyway, one of the kids was a psycho. Like a certifiable crazy person. He set the adults’ bed on fire and threatened to burn the rest of us in ours the next time we slept. It took the state a few days to get him out of the house and hospitalize him, so until he was gone, my other foster brothers and I went there.”

Archie said nothing, just gave a tight little nod, and Emma realized she was being prompted to continue.

“And uh, when I was at Mercy Hell at about fourteen, there was a night worker there that the other girls were…having problems with.” She looked sideways at Archie to see if he understood. He gave no indication that he did or didn’t, so she cleared her throat and continued. “Look, if there’s one thing I’m happy about from my childhood, it’s that I was never fucked with. Not like that. It’s a goddamned miracle, and at fourteen I had just a few years left in that hell hole and I wasn’t about to let anyone break my streak. So I took off, and went to The Bricks. You know, sometimes girls got hurt there too, but at least there I had friends who could help me if anything weird was about to go down.”

“And did they?”

“Huh?” Emma looked up at him.

“Help you? Did you ever have an instance at The Bricks where it was needed?”

“No,” Emma shook her head. “No, I got lucky. I mean, there was this one guy that was giving me a hard time, but not that way. Anyway, he pissed me off one night and I ended up kicking the crap out of him. And everyone thought it was funny because I was a girl. After that, I got in good with a lot of the guys, like I was one of them, and I didn’t have any issues.”

“It sounds like it was a sanctuary, more than anything.”

Nodding, Emma laughed a little. The Bricks; a sanctuary. That sounded pretty messed up. “Yeah, it sort of was.”

“Emma, you went through a lot as a child. And you’ve found a way to deal with it that worked for you for a while.”

“What’s that?”

Archie smiled again. “You didn’t deal with it.”

Swallowing, Emma looked down.

“You recognize that The Bricks was not a pleasant place to be. But it sounds like it was also the best place to be, given your circumstances. I don’t think you had bad intentions by not sharing this experience with me or your loved ones. I think you haven’t allowed yourself to work through it.”

Emma looked down at her hands, fidgeting with them. “That’s what Regina said.”

“Regina cares for you a great deal,” Archie nodded. “When we care for someone like that, what hurts them hurts us too.”

Sighing heavily, Emma got up and started pacing the room. “Archie, I don’t know what to do here. I’ve got a lot of things happening outside of my control. Not least of all is the fact that twenty percent of the time, I wake up as some weird toddler version of myself, and I’m being told it’s a coping mechanism. I get flashbacks that make me feel like I’m being suffocated to death after an incident that I didn’t even remember happening to me until last year. That’s not including my best friend missing or probably dead or who knows the hell what. And I’ve got a little kid who is the only family I have in the world that I could save from suffering the same fate as I did. And I want to help him. I really do. It’s gotten to the point where I can barely think about anything other than his safety. Regina and I…he just sort of fell into our hearts. But I don’t know with everything going on in my fucked up brain if I’m the best thing for him! Worst of all, the person I love most is suffering through all of it. This isn’t fair to Regina. She shouldn’t have to do all of this. So, please. I need to figure out how to get all of this under control. And so far, nothing’s working.”

Emma stopped and took in a huge breath, slowing her pacing to look up at the ceiling and try to reel in her rant. When she finally composed herself, she spun around to see why Archie was being so quiet, and was shocked to see a giant grin on his face.

“What,” she spat, “the _hell_ is so amusing to you?”

Archie let out a quiet laugh. “I’m not amused, Emma. I’m pleased.”

“Why?”

“I’ve been seeing you for a long time. And to be quite candid with you, you’ve essentially fought me tooth and nail.”

Emma felt her jaw slacken and she gaped at him. “I have not!” she heard herself whine, and might as well have stomped her foot as if Regina was making her drink water instead of juice.

Archie gave a little shrug, completely unperturbed by her outburst. “Again, I don’t think you do it consciously. I think you come here very dutifully, sit and chat about things happening in your current life, go through breathing exercises and write in your journals like you’ve been told to, though from what Regina has mentioned when she’s come here with you, many times she is the one who is prompting you to do those things.”

Emma felt her mouth go dry, her knees weaken.

“I know you want to get better,” Archie went on. “But I remember the first few times you came to me and wanted a quick fix. I told you then there wasn’t one. But people need to come to realizations on their own. Looks to me like you’re there. I think you’ve figured out that what we’ve been trying isn’t working. And I think you’re also figuring out that the reason is because you aren’t being completely honest with yourself, or me, or anyone, about the things that have affected you in your life.”

Frozen, Emma just continued to stare at him.

“I told you then there is no quick fix. I’m telling you now that there is no fix that won’t hurt. Please sit down,” he said suddenly, and Emma felt herself jolt out of her stiff stance to hurry to her place on the couch again. She was about to pick up the liquid bubbler when Archie cleared his throat. “Forget that and just look at me, Emma.”

Emma felt her hands ball into fists to keep herself from picking up the distraction, and she took a deep breath to give her full attention to Archie.

“Do you want to do this work?” he asked with a pointed expression.

Emma’s mouth felt like sandpaper, but she gave her voice a shot anyway. “No,” she said honestly. “But I’m going to.”

***

Regina hastened to get the paperwork she’d need for the next couple of days packed in her briefcase. Emma had called to let her know that she needed to meet with Merida in Shelburne Falls, and she quickly made the decision that they would go together.

“Let’s make a night of it,” she offered. “We’ll drive out this afternoon, get a hotel, and just relax. Then we’ll meet her in the morning and head back home.”

Emma had finally relented after some talking into. Regina figured she was hesitant to bring Regina along after the debacle yesterday, but she wasn’t about to let Emma drive out of town alone when she kept regressing and having night terrors. Besides, she genuinely thought a change of scenery, even for one evening, wouldn’t be such a bad idea.

She didn’t have court until Thursday, so it was an easy matter of getting her things out of the office for the next couple of days. Once she was done with that, she headed to the apartment to pack, bringing a few of their toys along as well. She figured if Emma was in the mood, she could surprise her. Her phone rang, and she picked up to find Elsa on the other end.

“Anna’s driving me nuts,” she sighed. “Keeps talking about not being able to play with Emma lately.”

“Yeah, I know,” Regina sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. “Things have been very crazy lately.”

“That’s what I told her,” Elsa chuckled. “How are you doing, Regina? You holding up okay?”

It was Regina’s turn to chuckle. She was surprisingly doing well, but that mostly had to do with how much there was to be done. She didn’t have the luxury of slowing down and contemplating everything on her plate. A pinch of guilt hit her at the thought. She’d promised Emma she’d change that, that she would make the effort to look out for herself as much as she looked out for others. Hesitating with a response, Regina shrugged. “I…I’m not sure really. I mean, I’m okay. It’s just that I haven’t had time to…”

“Process everything?”

“Yes, that,” Regina sighed. “Look, I could use some of my own time with my Little. Maybe we should just plan to get together on Friday, let the girls be girls? You and I can maybe kick back and have some martinis.”

“Shit, that sounds good,” Elsa laughed. “I’m totally down. My place, I’ll get everything, don’t worry about a thing. You guys just show up, okay?”

Regina found herself smiling. “Thanks, Elsa. It’s a date.” Emma would be happy. Regina found herself not being able to wait to tell her.

In the meantime, Regina put a call in to Neil Cassidy, letting him now that she and Emma were planning on moving forward with fostering Henry. Adoption, they had decided, was far too premature. But at least having Henry in their custody was a good start.

“There’s actually an option of fostering to adopt,” Cassidy let Regina know on the phone. “It gives everyone a trial period, but also has some legal benefits that you and Emma should discuss. And it isn’t set in stone that you will adopt.”

“Okay,” Regina said, feeling her heart in her throat. “That sounds like something we’re interested in.”

“Give me a couple of days,” Cassidy said. “I’ve got to get in touch with his worker, get some paperwork set up. I’ll warn you now that the system works like molasses. It could take several weeks.”

Regina chuckled. “I’m very familiar with the legal system.”

“Unfortunately,” Cassidy said without any humor in his voice. “Family law is the redheaded stepchild of the legal system. You’re used to criminal law, which moves slow enough. You’re the hare, I’m the tortoise.”

Regina kept her comment to herself that that sounded incredibly aggravating, but figured she and Emma and Henry alike would get the full taste of how aggravating hurrying up and waiting might be for this process.

She tried not to dwell on it. She and Emma had plenty to do in the meantime. Like getting this house packed up, getting the new house inspected, and coordinating a move. However, having half of their things packed did help Regina make a decision for their overnight bags that afternoon. She was glad she’d managed to keep Zelena out of their bedroom closet. There were plenty of things in there she didn’t want her sister to see, and she opened their toy chest to pack a few items in Emma’s baby bag.

***

“You were right,” Emma said suddenly as they drove passed forested areas and bluer skies. It looked like the weather was going to turn soon, and it couldn’t be soon enough for Regina. She was sick of the grey. She couldn’t wait for summer.

“Right about what?” she asked, keeping her eyes on the road.

“About my coping. Or lack thereof. I had a long talk about it with Archie.”

Emma said nothing else, and Regina looked out of the corner of her eye to see Emma staring pensively out the window. She felt her chest ache and took her hand off the gear to take hold of one of Emma’s. She felt her partner squeeze back.

“Are you okay?” she asked.

Emma gave her signature shrug. “I dunno. I mean, Archie says it’s not going to be pretty. But…it needs to be done. I’m sorry for everything.”

That made Regina snap her head sideways to give Emma a questioning look. “Sorry? What are you sorry about?”

“Just, if I haven’t been great about my recovery. If I’ve let you down in any way. I’m sorry.”

Regina couldn’t help the incredulous laugh that escaped her. “Emma, you have not let me down. You have been so strong. Things aren’t perfect, and we don’t always handle our traumas perfectly, but you’re trying. And I’ve already put a call in to Archie so I can work on my own things. But I can’t imagine having to go through the things you did. The fact that you’re still standing shows how strong you really are.”

Emma was quiet for a long time before she said, “anyway, Archie said it’s a big step forward. And if nothing else, even if I don’t get my regressions or flashbacks under control, it can at least help with getting custody of Henry. Maybe.”

Nodding, Regina squeezed Emma’s hand again. “I talked to Cassidy this morning. He’s going to start the process of petitioning us to foster. It’ll be slow. And we’ll probably have to take some classes, do some things at the courthouse. But it’s a start. In the meantime, we’re going to try and enjoy our night away, and I have a playdate set up for you and Anna on Friday.”

That made Emma look over, and out of the corner of her eye, Regina saw something like excitement in Emma’s expression. “Really?”

Chuckling Regina put her hand back on the shift to change gears. “Really. You need it. I need it. We need to go about our lives as much as we can. I want us to at least try to have our times together, try and enjoy the moving process as much as we can, to spend our time together as Little and Caregiver.”

“Yeah,” Emma said, and Regina could hear the smile in her voice. “I want that too.”

Regina let go of the shift again to run her fingers through Emma’s hair. “That’s my girl.”

***

The music in this club was either particularly loud, or Zelena was getting old. Bollocks to that, she rolled her eyes to herself as she took a drink. She wasn’t about to let Ruby show her up. Not even if this particular establishment was her stomping grounds and a place Zelena hadn’t been since college.

To be fair, she thought, the music here had a particular…vibe to it. Literally, a pounding that made the floor vibrate. The bars Zelena tended to go to had a jukebox that cranked Def Leppard and Journey pretty loud, but this was some weird techno shit that pounded deep base throughout the whole song, and Zelena was sure they had vibrators in the floors to emphasize the beat.

At least it gave something for the people in cages to grind against the bars to.

Zelena didn’t dislike these clubs, but she’d avoided them since her heyday with Regina, as she always had an issue trying not to picture her sister doing the things that others were displaying in full view. Fucking gross. Gave her the willies.

“What’s on your mind, doctor?” Ruby nudged her, giving her that toothy grin she always did when she was teasing Zelena.

“Did my sister grind down on the bars like that?” she yelled out, pointing to the large cages hanging from the ceiling, and half naked people inside doing exactly what she had described.

Ruby looked over at the cages and laughed. “Regina? No. Dommes don’t tend to dance in cages. It…doesn’t really fit the role.”

“What the bloody hell is that supposed to mean?” Zelena scoffed, taking a large swig of her beer, and feeling a little bit better that the image of Regina in the cages had never been a reality. Christ, she needed to get way more pissed to get that bloody image out of her head.

Ruby just chuckled again. “Doms being locked in cages? Think about it. Not really how that works.”

“They’re locked in there?” Zelena whipped her head back around, eyes wide in morbid fascination. “Can I give them a dollar?”

“Sure,” Ruby rolled her eyes. “And you can deal with the Dom who put them in there getting upset that you’re trying to piss on their territory.”

Oh, for fuck’s sake! The number of rules involved in all of this was confusing. No wonder Regina got tired of it. “Then what the hell’s the point of putting them in there?” she scoffed.

Ruby just shrugged, as usual, not rising to Zelena’s level of aggravation. “They like watching their subs being on display but nobody gets to touch them. It’s a power thing.” She was quiet for a little while as Zelena took the last swig of her drink, and then said: “I’ll lock you in one if you want.”

Nearly spitting out what she’d gulped down, Zelena tried to catch her breath.

Goddamned Ruby Lucas. How was she able to say something that was both so alluring and so infuriating all at once? What the hell was wrong with Zelena to feel both of those things simultaneously, and more, what was wrong with her that her natural reaction to these announcements was always the same: outrage and insolence.

“You just try it, you little cretin. I’ll rip you in two.”

“Mm,” a fire lit behind Ruby’s eyes as she moved into Zelena, bumping their hips together and licking her lips. “I fucking love it when you talk like a dirty little brat.”

Zelena didn’t know if she was pulling off hiding what a turn on those words were, but she tried. She scoffed again, and turned away, pretending to take another drink, though her beer was empty. But the shot of pleasure that went through her core? Jesus jumped up Christ. Ruby managed to slay her at every turn.

She thought getting out of the house would keep her from wanting to jump Ruby’s bones like a horny schoolgirl. Sitting around the house shooting back whiskey and expensive wine had done her no favors in the avoiding expressing her feelings physically for Ruby Lucas. When she had first proposed that the two of them just “go out” and enjoy an evening being carefree single roommates, it seemed so harmless. The first time, Zelena had taken Ruby to (for being American) a semi-believable little pub that played live music and served pretzels (not so Irish) with the beer. The night had gone well at the beginning, Ruby asking questions about Zelena’s time across the pond, until the alcohol set in and Zelena found herself just as hot and bothered as if they were sitting on the couch with their legs intertwined watching one of those grotesque movies. The only thing that had saved her from making another mistake was the Uber drive home, where the two of them miraculously behaved themselves, and Zelena had enough time to talk herself out of digging herself a deeper hole.

This outing, however, might turn out differently. It was Ruby’s turn to pick the location, and Zelena really should have known better. They were spending a Wednesday night bumping shoulders with Boston’s finest twinks in leather drag, furries with extremely extensive costumes, Littles and Caregivers attached at the hip, and otherwise general S&M Players at The Dungeon. A place where everywhere Zelena turned, hungry eyes were on Ruby, trying to figure out if Zelena was somebody they could get Ruby to push aside to pick them for the night instead. The jealousy that was smoldering through Zelena’s body was doing nothing to douse any desire she may have towards her completely off-limits roommate.

The luck. The goddamn luck! Zelena had been kicking herself for weeks now about her idiotic choices in life. Oh sure, Zee, fall for your sister’s girlfriend’s best friend! Fall for probably the most free agent, unobtainable asshole on the eastern seaboard! Perfect story to bring home to mother as to why she’ll never have any fucking grandchildren, because Christ knows the closest she’s getting for that is _Emma_ for fucks sake!

“What,” Ruby’s voice cut through Zelena’s spiral like a knife. “The hell is going through that brilliant mind of yours, doctor?”

Zelena realized she’d been staring down at those poor defenseless, harassed fish with her mouth partially open and the empty bottle just sitting on her lips. Ruby’s words snapped her out of it. “You’re an asshole!” she cried, almost as if it were a reflex to reply to Ruby this way. And by the look on Ruby’s face, she was getting really used to it.

The grin spread from ear to ear, and Ruby gave a laugh that sounded almost as if she pitied Zelena, setting the redhead’s face on fire to match it.

“You want me to talk to you with respect, you’ll have to return the favor,” Ruby shrugged. “I think you like it, though.”

That feeling again, right down to Zelena’s core the moment Ruby winked at her. But she didn’t want to admit it.

“Everybody here is fucking you with their eye and stabbing me with their other one,” Zelena scoffed, eager to change the subject. However, she wasn’t sure if she’d gone with the right one. It was dangerously close to still being the topic of _them_.

But she couldn’t help it. Ruby was killing her. She’d dressed for the occasion: red leather pants and boots up to her knees, a skin-tight shirt that tied on the side and revealed more of her neck than Zelena had probably had the pleasure of licking…

…oh for fuck’s sake!

Ruby raised her hand and looked at the bartender, giving a single nod of her head. They were not even close to being the first in line, but the bartender was on it in an instant, and had the next round of beers in front of them before Zelena could even shake off the regret of her comment.

Ruby owned this place.

Why did she bother with Zelena, of all people?

“Does that bother you?” Ruby asked conversationally as she clinked her bottle up against Zelena’s and took a drink.

“I’d rather not get knifed,” Zelena said, taking a thankful swig of the cold carbonation. She wasn’t a massive beer fan, but it would do for the evening. She could practically feel it bleeding into her blood now, calming her…

Ruby snorted out a laugh. “Relax, doctor. I’ll protect you.”

“You wish,” Zelena narrowed her eyes at Ruby, challenging her. “Why did you bring me to the meat market where you’re the prime steak, anyway?”

Ruby, again, just shrugged nonchalantly. “I’m assuming we’re here for the same reason you keep making us leave the house in the first place: to avoid a serious conversation.”

Fuck. Fucking…god damnit!

“What serious conversation?” Zelena sputtered, trying desperately to rid herself of any shakes that may be visible to Ruby. She doubted she succeeded, so she downed half of the bottle of beer to calm her nerves.

“The one where you and I talk about us.”

Zelena couldn’t help it that time; she visibly trembled. “Dunno what you mean,” she mumbled, just barely making herself heard over the thumping of the music.

Ruby said nothing in response, leaving the space open for so long that eventually Zelena gave her a quick glance, only to see that Ruby hadn’t stopped staring at her intently since they’d spoken. There wasn’t any humor in her expression, no banter. No sadness either. Just a strict sort of gaze that let Zelena know what she had said, or rather not said, had set them back a few paces. It punched her in the gut hard, the disappointment in herself, but also the strange relief at being able to avoid this longer.

“Ruby,” a voice called, irritatingly cheerful, as Zelena saw an arm slink around Ruby’s shoulder and a kiss planted on her cheek, leaving her with a faint lip imprint. This particular woman was pretty, but Zelena thought her outfit was ridiculous, right down to the cowboy hat on top of her head.

“Hey there, little lady!” Ruby greeted, grabbing the rim of the hat and pulling it down to hide the eyes of the bubbly woman. Zelena hated bubbly people. What the hell did they have to be so happy about all the time?

She didn’t really hate bubbly people, she thought. She simply didn’t know how to act around them. She’d never gotten to know one well. They weren’t usually a part of her inner circle.

To this young woman’s credit, however, she didn’t seem to look at Zelena with the same amount of disdain as the rest of the club. She put her hand out to shake vigorously, and introduced herself as Belle.

“This is Regina’s sister, Zelena,” Ruby nodded Zelena’s way, and the wide eyes of the woman had Zelena scoffing.

“That’s not usually how I introduce myself,” Zelena said with narrow eyes at Ruby, who seemed really pleased with the way she’d gotten under Zelena’s skin.

Cheeky little shit.

Ruby just rolled her eyes. “Belle and Regina are good friends,” she said, nudging Belle’s side and gaining a giggle from the other woman, who Zelena decided wasn’t so bad afterall, bubbly or not. She seemed to look at Zelena with some interest now, but there was also warmth.

“That’s true,” Belle said, putting her hand out to take Zelena’s. “Nice to meet you. You don’t look anything like your sister!” she laughed.

“Trust me,” Zelena grinned. “Around here, that’s a good thing.”

“Yeah, people would be all over you,” she giggled again, and Zelena tried not to outwardly cringe. How did anybody walk around giggling all the time?

What had she expected by Ruby bringing her here in the first place? She’d known she wouldn’t have her friend’s undivided attention. Hadn’t that been the allure? Physically getting out of the house hadn’t worked last time; she’d needed something more powerful. Well, here it was. An entire building full of people ready to seduce Ruby. There wasn’t a single chance in hell that out of everyone here, Ruby would go for her. There just wasn’t.

“Are you going to ignore me all night and stay in that head of yours?” Ruby’s voice broke the barrier one more time, making Zelena jump. She blinked and looked at her friend, now alone as Belle seemed to have vanished into thin air.

Why wasn’t this goddamn beer working? She was supposed to stay calm. This was why she liked her wine. Higher alcohol content. Worked quicker.

“Let’s get a shot,” she tried her best smile, but Ruby just shook her head.

“I’ve got a better idea,” and she grabbed the beer out of Zelena’s hand, putting both of their bottles on the counter and taking hold of Zelena’s hand.

She felt fingers intertwine and automatically hold on. It felt ridiculous. Like she was in middle school again with her first crush. The way that hand holding felt like an novelty, altogether new and precious. That’s what this was.

Yup. Fucking schoolgirl.

And now she was being led out, away from that building full of people who wanted Ruby. A building where her friend had the pick of the litter if she’d wanted it. But she was holding Zelena’s hand and guiding her outside instead.

And that should have flattered her. It really should. But what the fuck was she supposed to do with that type of responsibility? How the ever loving shit, assuming she could lure Ruby from that place for a single night, was she supposed to find a way to make her stay? It wasn’t going to happen. Not for Zelena. Ruby wouldn’t give that up. She wasn’t Regina. And the ending result, if she let herself get wrapped up in this, would be her crushed into cinders.

“It’s bloody cold out here,” she tried, looking behind them to the suddenly very inviting thumping club and its safety net.

“You know,” Ruby said, letting go of Zelena’s hand to instead wrap her arm around her waist. It was meant to be a gesture to warm her up. It did more than that. “It would be really nice if at some point tonight, you made a single positive comment.”

Zelena opened her mouth to make a snide remark, but snapped her jaw shut just as quickly. Ruby was right; she was being a prat. “Can I ask you?” she said quietly, trying to swallow any type of fear or anxiety that could have seeped into her voice. “You told me Playing makes you feel alive. Does this place,” she gestured behind them to the doors of The Dungeon, “make you feel alive?”

“I mean, how can it not?” Ruby nodded, the arm around Zelena’s waste growing warmer and more inviting as the night air bit into her face. “You can feel everything in there. The music, the different people. Everything.”

“I think it feels different for you than me. Different experience.”

“Well,” Ruby laughed. “It’s always overwhelming at first. You should have seen Emma and Mary Margaret here when I first brought them. But the community warms up to you, and it’s really a homecoming in a lot of ways.”

“So…” Zelena swallowed down the very little moisture in her mouth. “Then…what are we doing out here?”

Ruby was quiet for a while, shrugging. “I guess that isn’t doing the trick tonight.”

Stealing a glance in Ruby’s direction, Zelena tried not to overthink what that could mean. Instead, for the smallest fraction of a second, she took Ruby’s advice, and found the positive in the situation. What she found was Ruby had walked away from the club, leaving all those other people behind, taking Zelena with her.

The fantasy of what that could mean passed quickly. But that one little moment? It was the happiest Zelena had been the whole night.

***

Regina’s statements seemed to put have Emma in better spirits, and Regina watched as slowly but surely, Emma inched into her Little headspace. She at first looked out the window, pointing out an interesting piece of nature in the distance, her voice growing with that tenor that was all Regina’s Little One, and Regina was sure it was happening subconsciously. Until, finally, Emma pointed to a sign.

“Mama, look! Shelburne Falls, twelve miles!”

Reaching beside her to caress Emma’s cheek with the back of her fingers, Regina smiled. “That’s right. Almost there.”

The hotel was modest but nice, contributing to a row of waterfront colonial style houses overlooking what the signs read as Deerfield River. At the moment, the foliage was skeletal and bare, but she imagined that the spring here would look fabulous. Emma, ever astute even in Little Space, had her Thomas Guide in front of her that she’d brought from her Bug, something she swore had come in very handy in her years of bail bonding and private investigating.

“There’s a trolly museum,” she announced. “And Glacial Potholes.” She looked up from her spot on the page where her finger was pointing. “What’s a Glacial Pothole?”

“I don’t know, baby,” Regina said in a singsong voice as she found the sign for the parking. “I think it might have something to do with the waterfall.”

Regina made quick work of checking in, Emma humming and spinning in the background, which the clerk only seemed to take mild interest of but was overall bored with having guests at all. When they got into the hotel room, Emma tossed her duffel bag in the first corner of the room she could find, and then flopped on the bed, letting out a heavy groan that made Regina chuckle as she set her own things down on the table of the other side of the room.

“Can we have room service and watch movies?” came Emma’s muffled words as she spoke into the comforter.

“Well,” Regina approached the bed and grabbed Emma from behind to sit her up. Regina sat on the mattress and pulled Emma into her lap. Emma was more than willing to come, crawling in and settling herself in her home. Regina gave a content groan and squeezed her tightly, resting her cheek against Emma’s crown. “I wouldn’t mind having my Little One all to myself tonight.”

Emma pulled away enough to let their eyes meet, and Regina gave her a soft smile. “Hi, sweet girl,” she cooed.

Focusing on the button of Regina’s blouse, Emma gave a shy grin while her fingers found her lips. She hesitated to take them at first, and Regina didn’t stop her. She watched as Emma finally latched onto them and gave a suck. The moment she did, Regina felt the body against her relax as Emma sighed contently.

“Do you want your paci, baby?” Regina leaned forward to kiss Emma’s cheek, and she felt Emma lean into it, their temples resting against each other for a moment.

Emma didn’t respond at first. Instead, she tucked herself under Regina’s chin and gave a noise that had Regina chuckling. “That’s a yes,” she said, taking Emma under the arms to maneuver her off and place her by herself on the mattress. Emma immediately brought her legs up to sit crossed on the bed as Regina went to Emma’s diaper bag and found her paci. She had also packed a bottle and protein shake that she brought out and put on the nightstand. Emma eyed them suspiciously as Regina forced her fingers out of her mouth and replaced them with her paci.

“What do you want for dinner, Em?” Regina asked, picking up the menu on the nightstand and giving Emma a pointed look.

She saw the lightbulb go off in Emma’s head as she finally took her eyes off the protein shake to look at her mama. Emma was going to eat something, even if only a little, but she was also going to drink that shake. Regina had been very vocal about her concern over Emma’s weight loss.

Emma made no motion to say what she wanted, so Regina brought the menu forward and showed it to her. The kids menu was at the bottom, showing chicken nuggets, a grilled cheese sandwich, spaghetti and meatballs, and a hamburger. Not the best choices, in Regina’s opinion. She pointed to the appetizers. “Look, there’s chicken noodle soup. Let’s get that. And then what else?”

Emma’s eyes rolled over the menu, and she pointed to the chicken nuggets.

Regina cocked an eyebrow at her. “Chicken nuggets with chicken noodle soup? Let’s try some variety, okay?”

Emma squirmed in her spot, eyes furrowing as if trying to think hard about her decision, until she finally pointed to the grilled cheese sandwich. Smiling, Regina leaned down to kiss the top of Emma’s head. “Good girl,” she praised before picking up the phone and ordering.

The food came quickly, probably ready-made in a cafeteria that didn’t equate to the nice room they were staying in, Regina thought, not being able to help her negative thoughts at food not coming from her own kitchen.

Emma had already found her spot on the floor by then, sitting with a coloring book and some crayons that Regina had had the foresight to bring. She was drawing in a Paw Patrol character that Regina couldn’t remember the name of, and completely ignored the knocking on the door, and the food for that matter as Regina brought it to the small table in their room and laid it all out for them. She’d ordered herself a salad with the soup. When she finished setting it, she knelt to Emma’s level at the floor, and chucked her under the chin. “Come on, honey. Let’s eat.”

Emma eyed the food as she took Regina’s hand to be helped up. Regina guided her to sit down at the table, and then took Emma’s sandwich and cut it into four corners. “Two triangles,” she announced as she set them back down and took Emma’s paci out of her mouth. She saw Emma swallow as she looked down at the food.

But thankfully, Emma did as she was told. She grabbed one of the triangles and began taking little bites. Regina blew on her soup and brought a spoonful forward, her other hand underneath it to keep any from spilling on the table. “Open,” she coaxed, and Emma obediently took the bite. She took her time swallowing it, but she did it without complaint, and Regina took the opportunity to give her more spoonful’s in between her own bites.

“You’re doing really good, honey,” Regina praised, seeing Emma blush at the compliments as she polished off her own salad. She’d only ordered one soup, figuring she could split it between the two of them, and luckily, Emma took enough bites of it to not warrant having to count. She did, however, stop at two triangles, and sat back in her chair, stretching.

“Can we watch a movie now?”

Snorting, Regina began cleaning up the eating area for room service to pick up outside of the door. “We’re not done. Mama’s going to make you a bottle.”

She got up to move the food items outside the door and grab the bottle, pretending not to see Emma press her lips together hard, as if thinking of a way out of the situation. Opening the shake and pouring it into the bottle, Regina sat on the bed and gathered pillows to her, all the while Emma watching with a particular reserve on her face.

Regina smiled at her. “Why don’t you find the remote and bring it here, hm?”

Emma’s face brightened immediately, and she hopped up to get the remote control off the television, jumping on the bed and pushing buttons until a menu popped up. “Mama, do you think they have Disney?”

“I’m sure they do,” Regina replied, leaning forward to grab Emma around the middle and pull her into her lap.

Emma squealed as Regina peppered her cheek and neck with kisses, trying to dodge them so she could look at what she was doing, but Regina was an expert at getting Emma in her arms despite her squirming by now, and she managed to tuck Emma into her middle and rest Emma’s head in the bend of her own arm.

Still giggling, Emma hid her face in Regina’s tummy, catching her breath after the onslaught of affection.

“Look what I’ve got, baby,” Regina called, bringing the nipple of the bottle close to Emma’s face, waiting for her to turn. When she didn’t, Regina sang: “it’s chocolate and banana flavored…”

“Then milkies?” Emma’s muffled words vibrated against Regina’s skin, and she felt a jolt of pleasure run through her body at the feeling.

Leaning down she whispered into Emma’s ear, “yes, my love. Then milkies. Look at Mama.”

Doing as she was told, Emma finally turned her head, allowing the nipple of the bottle to be brought to her lips. She gave a moment’s hesitation before finally closing around it and taking a tentative suck, but the moment she did, Regina felt any tension that had been in Emma’s body melt away. She sighed around the nipple, turning further against the body holding her, and gave a content hum.

“There we go,” Regina smiled down as she held the bottle to Emma’s lips. “There we go…”

Emma lazily suckled, seeming to forget the television altogether as she realized she had her mama’s full attention, and Regina began rocking them as she hummed a tune.

“You did a good job with dinner, baby. I’m proud of you.”

She saw a little smile on Emma’s lips behind the nipple of the bottle, and felt the pull of Emma’s suckling grow just a little stronger at the praise. But Emma’s enthusiasm fell away halfway through the bottle, and eventually she tried to turn her head to spit it out. Regina followed her movements with the bottle at first, until Emma jerked her head with more force and gave a pout.

“Mama, milkies, please?”

Regina brought the bottle right side up to inspect how much was gone. A little more than half was still left, but she had to be careful. If Emma filled up on it and couldn’t finish her milk, Regina would have to pump, and she absolutely hated pumping if Emma was there to take her milk.

“Okay,” she finally decided, reaching to put the bottle on the bedside table. She’d need to put it in the mini fridge when Emma was done nursing and have her finish the rest in the morning. She began unbuttoning her blouse, and Emma’s fingers began twisting around the now loose fabric, making Regina chuckle at the familiarity. “You like your milkies, don’t you babygirl?” she cooed as she unlatched her bra, letting her breasts drop.

Emma only answered with leaning forward to greet Regina’s waiting nipple. She took it tenderly, soft hot lips wrapping around with an eager tongue to lap at the milk that began to flow. Regina felt herself shudder harder than normal at Emma’s initial suckling, and it didn’t go unnoticed. A little grin tucked up on those beckoning lips, the fingers that had been intertwined in Regina’s blouse coming up to massage the swell of Regina’s breast softly.

Regina leaned her head down to press her forehead against Emma’s hair, and she moaned out: “my baby…”

Emma took her time, but nursed with purpose, clearly making sure to take care of Regina’s need to let her milk leave her. When she switched breasts, she gave a satisfied hum as she encircled Regina’s areola with her soft lips, kneading the swollen flesh around it until Regina felt her breast empty completely. Emma had finished all of it, thankfully, and was now simply nuzzling against Regina’s body, giving sporadic, lazy sucks just to stay close.

Eventually, Regina took hold of her breast to guide it out of Emma’s mouth, and a little complaint escaped Emma’s lips at the emptiness. Regina felt it too, but simply laughed it off with an encouraging pat to Emma’s bottom, sitting her up and seeing a mixture of satiated yet lustful eyes staring back at her. It sparked a fire in Regina’s belly, and she brought her thumb up to wipe at Emma’s bottom lip where a single drop of milk sat. As she did, Emma leaned forward and captured Regina’s lips, earning a surprised grunt from Regina before she sighed into it.

The moment felt perfect, complete. The entire world fell away around her, and she only had eyes for the one in her lap, her Emma. She had no intention of letting this night slip away from them. From the look in Emma’s eyes, neither did she.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back, everyone! Next week, we will pick up where we left off here...don't worry ;-)
> 
> Things are still a little crazy, but I'm making as much time for this as possible. I've got a trip at the end of next month, and prep for that is going to take a lot of time. 
> 
> Come chat with us in my Twitch stream tonight if you want! Last week, people seemed to REALLY enjoy me flailing about in that damn game. So if you don't want to chat, you can at least come for a laugh at my expense. =)
> 
> Happy to be back.


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